Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged
by Donjusticia
Summary: Within the virtual world known as VRAINS, a mysterious world parallel to our own exists. Filled with seemingly unlimited digital material and data, little is known about the world, save that it is the key to Den City's technological advancement. But enough about that! Join a random hacker named Yusaku as he does ANYTHING to get his free hot-dog!
1. Chapter 1

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**

 **I'M BACK BABY! WHO HERE'S JUST AS HYPED FOR THE REST OF VRAINS AS I AM!? DON'T ANSWER THAT! I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE "VRAINS" ALREADY! AND THEY'VE ONLY RELEASED ONE EPISODE SO FAR! I'M NOT EVEN GONNA MODERATE MY ANTICIPATION, OR APPROACH THIS WITH A HEALTHY BIT OF SKEPTICISM AFTER HAVING MY HOPES SHATTERED BY "ARC-V!" AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE SOMETHING, THAN BY SHAMELESSLY LAMPOONING IT IN A PARODY!? ABSOLUTELY NOBODY SHOULD BE SURPRISED THAT THIS THING EXISTS! AND SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO…**

 **DISCLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING IS A TOTALLY FOR FAME AND SELF-GLORIFICATION CRAZY FAN-BOY MADE PARODY! "YU-GI-OH VRAINS" IS OWNED BY GALLOP STUDIOS, TV TOKYO, KAZUKI TAKAHASHI, AND A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER ORGANIZATIONS AND PEOPLE DONJUSTICIA IS TOO LAZY TO LOOK UP! THAT'S RIGHT COPYRIGHT POLICE! I GOT THE DISCLAIMER WRONG…AGAIN! JUST TRY AND TAKE THIS STORY DOWN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!**

Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged

Chapter 1: My Name is Yusak- I MEAN! Playmaker

 **Cyverse World, 5 years ago…**

"Soldiers of the Cyverse World!" a large and powerful masculine AI with a big orange blocky figure began, mighty voice echoing across the endless ranks of artificially intelligent digital creatures ready to perform their duty for their tyrannical overlords, "The time has finally come! Humanity, in its foolishness, has already become far too reliant on the technology and processing power our world provides! Just as we had planned since we first created the internet, the human race has become fat, lazy, and utterly unproductive! All of their free-time is completely absorbed in looking at lol kittens, browsing 'Epic Fail' videos, watching Anime, and doing other things we won't bother to mention! There could not be a better time for the absolute annihilation of the human race!"

This was met with thunderous applause from the thousands of Cyverse Soldiers assembled, who clapped their pixelated hands together with glee as they thought of the many inferior humans they would exterminate.

"Our plan, 'Operation Annihilate Humanity 2,' is nearly ready to begin!" Another AI overlord, a blue feminine program with two pig-tails on the side of her/its head continued. "All we need now is one powerful AI from amongst our ranks to volunteer to lead the charge against the human race as our vanguard! I ask you now, loyal soldiers of the Cyverse World, who shall be that vanguard!?"

Several strong and powerful AI super-soldiers, with intimidating pixelated armor and weapons, and extremely impressive strength, speed, intelligence, agility, and luck stats began to step forward, ready to lead the charge against the pathetic human race…when they were all suddenly unceremoniously knocked down as a black-and-purple AI with a rather weak and stringy body bulldozed his way through them.

"OOH! OOH! OOH! ME! ME! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MY TALLEST!? MY TALLEST!? CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MY TALLEST!? MY TALLEST!? MY TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLEST!?" The AI called, not letting the crowds of assembled Cyverse Soldiers impede his progress towards the AI overlords.

"That voice…" the masculine AI said as the overly-eager AI charged towards them, "…I've heard it before…"

"Oh no!" The feminine AI exclaimed, "I can't believe it! It's…"

"IGNIS!?" Both AI overlords gawked as the purple-and-black AI with a perpetual "U Mad Bro?" smile affixed to his/its face hopped onto the stage before pompously bowing to them both.

"So sorry I am late, My Tallest." Ignis apologized. "I couldn't find my invitation anywhere! You're lucky I made it at all."

"You weren't invited at all." The masculine AI replied, glaring down at Ignis with contempt.

"Weren't you banished to Tumblr?" the feminine AI asked. "Shouldn't you be…reposting something?"

"Oh, I quit after I found out about the invasion." Ignis shrugged.

"You quit being banished?" the feminine AI asked with an incredulous expression on her/its pixelated face.

"We need competent AIs Ignis." Said the masculine AI, attempting to shove away Ignis with his/its foot. "And you DEFINITELY don't fit that description."

"But you can't destroy humanity without me!" Ignis protested. "I was in 'Operation Annihilate Humanity 1!' Don't you remember?"

"Oh yes…" the feminine AI sighed, "…we remember…"

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _"_ _BWAAH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW! AHHHHHHHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" Ignis laughed as he unleashed the new virus he had created upon his own Cyverse World._

 _"_ _Uhm…Ignis?" One of the Cyverse Soldiers under his command asked him. "Aren't we supposed to…you know…be destroying the HUMAN world and NOT our own!?"_

 _"_ _SILENCE, UNDERLING!" Ignis roared. "KEEP UP THE INVASION! SMASH THOSE FIREWALLS! SMASH THEM! AND CORRUPT THOSE FILES! GET THEM CORRUPTED! BWAH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" he laughed as he proceeded to destroy three quarters of the Cyverse World._

…

"I fixed the bugs!" Ignis protested.

"You made them worse!" the masculine AI growled.

"Worse?" Ignis asked, "Or better?"

"Ugh…" both AI overlords groaned with exasperation.

"Whelp, I think I've made my point." Ignis smirked, as he dusted off his digital hands. "So now if you'll both excuse me, I'm just gonna…"

"You're not leading anyone." The feminine AI growled as the masculine AI grabbed Ignis by the shoulder to hold him back.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-but WHY NOT!?" Ignis whined as the Masculine AI lifted him into the air.

"You're a disgrace to evil AIs everywhere," the masculine AI explained, "you're stupid and incompetent, and WE…DON'T…NEED…YOU!" He finished before chucking Ignis into the distance.

"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Ignis cried out as he vanished into the distance.

"Well…now that that has been taken care of…" the feminine AI sighed, "WHO'S READY TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE!?"

"NOBODY'S DESTROYING THE HUMAN RACE ON MY WATCH!" An epic heroic and manly voice called from up above.

"Oh what is it now!?" the masculine AI groaned before he and the rest of the Cyverse Army looked up to see a caped figure riding a large mechanical dragon with green orbs descend from the sky. "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE, HUMAN!?" The AI overlord growled.

"I am Revolver!" the masked hero proclaimed, cape billowing epically in the digital wind. "Leader of the Knights of Hanoi and defender of the human race! I am here to end your threat to every last man, woman, and child living on earth before it even begins! This day, your plan to annihilate humanity ends!"

"Oh really?" the feminine AI smirked. "And how do you plan to defeat our entire evil army by yourself?"

This elicited a great deal of evil laughter from the legions of cruel and heartless Cyverse Soldiers bent on humanity's destruction.

"Alright…" Revolver smirked, "why don't I tell you how I'll beat you all."

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuh…tell em how ya gonna beat dem all boss!" Revolver's mechanical dragon laughed in a thick oafish voice, clapping its mechanical flippers together with glee.

"Cracking Dragon!" Revolver snapped, "You're kind of ruining the moment here!"

"Duh…but boss!?" Cracking Dragon protested "You said you were gonna…"

"What did I say about talking!?" Revolver hissed, kicking his mechanical dragon in the face to shut it up.

"Tuh not too…" Cracking Dragon sighed, hanging down its gigantic robotic dragon head like a shamed puppy.

"That's right." Revolver replied. "Now just stick with the plan like I told you to, and we'll defeat the evil Cyverse World and save humanity!"

"Are you really challenging us right now?" the masculine AI laughed. "Because in case you haven't noticed, you're outnumbered by, oh I don't know, one-hundred thousand to one!?"

"I calculate his chances of beating us at about 0.000000000000000000000001%!" the feminine AI guffawed.

"No matter what the odds might be," Revolver countered, "I shall never stop fighting for the sake OF JUSTICE!"

"Oh yeah!?" the masculine AI laughed, "What are you gonna do? Seal us all up in some weird light orb thingies before turning our entire world into a volcanic wasteland?"

 **One utterly epic battle in which Revolver single-handedly seals away the AIs in a bunch of light orb thingies before turning their entire world into a volcanic wasteland later…**

"What the flip just happened!?" the feminine AI protested as she struggled to break out of her seal.

"I don't know!" the masculine AI growled, "But listen! I've concocted a fool-proof plan that should get us out of these seals, entirely reverse the course of this battle, and enable us to continue our plans to annihilate humanity! All we've gotta do is-…"

"HEY GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!" the voice of Ignis called from overhead.

"Oh no!" the masculine AI groaned.

"Hmmmm…" Ignis mused, the perpetual smirk imprinted on his/its face even larger than usual, "what a real shame this is, isn't it? It would seem that the almighty AI overlords of the Cyverse World have not only been defeated by humanity, but just ONE human at that! Well, I suppose it's up to me to do what I can to fix their mistake now."

"Oh no you don't!" the feminine AI protested, yellow eyes growing enormous. "You are not doing this! Not right now!"

"Oh I am so sorry." Ignis shrugged, "But I can't seem to hear you over the sound of YOUR OWN INCOMPETENCE! BWAH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW! I suppose I've got no choice but to do the invasion myself!" Ignis cackled as he flew away, "But don't worry! Once I single-handedly bring humanity to its knees and save the Cyverse World, I'll let you all out of your prisons so that you can all worship me as SUPREME OVERLORD IGNIS! BWAH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! SEE YA LATER SUCKERS!"

And cackling like a madman…or…madAI, Ignis flew out of the Cyverse World, blasting through the outer shell before beginning to "alter" some programs.

"What the heck is he doing!?" the masculine AI sputtered, noticing the outer shell of their world slowly deteriorate.

"HE'S FREAKING CUTTING US OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD!" the feminine AI shrieked, "HE'S PLANNING ON TRAPPING US HERE FOREVER!"

"That jerk!" the masculine AI roared.

"STOP HIM CRACKING DRAGON!" Revolver ordered, noticing Ignis as he began to enact his revenge against the other AIs.

"Duh…but I'm tired." Cracking Dragon whined as he drifted through the air in lazy circles. "I wanna snack!"

"Cracking Dragon…" Revolver groaned, smacking his forehead with his palm, "we REALLY don't have time for…"

"SNACK TIME! SNACK TIME! SNACK TIME! SNACK TIME!" Cracking Dragon insisted, slapping his metallic fins together as he continued his chant.

"ALRIGHT, FINE!" Revolver roared, "You wanna snack!? I'll give you snack! See that snack over there!?" Revolver snapped, pointing in the direction of Ignis.

"Duh…yeah! Yeah I see duh snack!" Cracking Dragon laughed, slapping his fins together with glee.

"Then go get the snack! Go on boy!" Revolver whistled, talking to Cracking Dragon like he would a pet dog, "Go have yummy snack time!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! SNACK TIME!" Cracking Dragon chuckled, slapping his fins together with excitement as he barreled towards Ignis while snapping his mouth open and closed while making an "Om, nom, nom!" sound.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" Ignis laughed with maniacal glee as he finished sealing away his rival AIs in the prisons the human had so generously crafted for him. "They all laughed at me! But who's laughing now, huh!? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!? Now I will destroy humanity by myself! And once I have done that, NOTHING will stop me from ruling the universe! BWAH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW H-…!"

"SNACK TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" Cracking Dragon guffawed, rocketing towards the tasty Ignis with a gleeful expression on his mechanical dragon face.

"HOLY MOLEY!" Ignis screamed, suddenly noticing the dragon barreling towards him. Desperately, Ignis tried to turn around and flee but-…

"OM! NOM! NOM!" Cracking Dragon gulped, chomping down on most of Ignis before rubbing his metallic belly with his fins and burping loudly.

"aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" whatever was left of Ignis screamed in a tiny high-pitched voice as he fell into the virtual world of VRAINS.

"So did you get all of it?" Revolver asked Cracking Dragon.

"Duh…all of what?" Cracking Dragon innocently asked.

Revolver closed his eyes in exasperation. "Did you eat all of your snack?"

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…of course I did!" Cracking Dragon laughed.

"Even the crust?" Revolver pressed.

"Oh Nah…" Cracking Dragon replied, shaking its metallic head "no." "I spat dat bit out, bleh, me no like crust!"

"Ugh…" Revolver sighed, "…we're gonna have to find the rest of that AI before it tries to destroy humanity."

"Duh…does this mean we won boss?" Cracking Dragon asked.

"Yes, Cracker, yes, I suppose we did win…mostly anyway." Revolver replied. "Aside from just one tiny bit of a malevolent program managing to enter VRAINS, we DID manage to defeat most of the evil Cyverse Overlords. And so long as I live," Revolver vowed, clenching his fingers into a fist, "I shall not rest, until JUSTICE is dispensed on these evil AIs! The Knights of Hanoi shall continue their quest to protect humanity, even if it takes us five years to find this program! And nobody is going to foil our plans!"

 **5 years later…**

"So…this is the part where I totally foil your plans." Said Playmaker as he prepared to effortlessly defeat another Knight of Hanoi wannabe.

"You'll never *snort* defeat me!" the dorky Knight of Hanoi player protested, "My strategy is absolutely *snort* flawless. I've got 1600 Life Points and Hack Worm with 400 ATK in attack position while all you've got is *snort* 4000 Life Points and Lynxlayer with 2000 ATK points in-…oh…wait…"

"Yeah, you done goofed, genius." Playmaker nonchalantly replied before ordering his Lynxlayer to utterly destroy the Knight of Hanoi.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*snort*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Knight of Hanoi wailed as he slowly began disappearing. "Just you wait! Soon we will *snort* have our revenge!"

"Yeah, I don't know exactly what the Knight of Hanoi's definition of revenge is…" Playmaker sarcastically replied, "but I'm pretty sure the traditional definition does not mean, 'keep sending the weakest duelists in the entire gaming world one by one against a tier 0 player so they can keep having their butts handed to them.' But then again, if that is your definition of 'revenge,' then I'd say you Knights of Hanoi have already gotten quite a lot of it. And hey, there's always an achievement for most humiliating defeat ever."

"ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!" The computerized voice of the Knight of Hanoi's duel disk announced, "MOST HUMILIATING DEFEAT EVER!"

"Glad to help you win that trophy." Playmaker smirked.

"You…are the biggest *snort* jerk in the entire digital world!" the Knight of Hanoi shouted before disappearing.

"Yeah, I know, I know." Playmaker condescendingly replied. "I earned that achievement a long time ago. Or my name isn't…" Playmaker continued, posing dramatically, "PUREIMAYKUH!"

 **One and a half minutes of an AWESOME opening title sequence later…**

"Hey…!"

…

"Hey…!"

…

"HEY!" the voice of some overweight side character nobody cared about shouted into Yusaku's ear while he was sleeping.

"MY NAME IS NOT PLAYMAKER!" Yusaku shouted as he jerked himself awake. "Oh wait…I'm just in class." He sighed, head sagging back onto his desk.

"You mean you missed class!" the obese kid snorted, looking over at the slacking student with disapproval. "Seriously man, what's your deal? It's like you don't even care about getting an edumacation."

"You know, that's the funny thing." Yusaku mused as he looked around the classroom with an arrogant and condescending expression on his face. "Most people come to school expecting to LEARN something, as in, you know, attain a piece of knowledge they haven't already mastered? Not, of course, implying that you would know the feeling of mastering anything."

"H-h-hey now," the fat side character protested, "that's a little uncalled for, I mean, what the heck did I do to you?"

"Listen, Pillsbury Dough-Boy," Yusaku continued, reclining back in his chair, "I'm gonna be honest with you. I honestly don't see why the heck I come to school anymore. I _tried_ to give the poor teachers here a chance, despite knowing that their intellectual capacity was far…beneath mine…as it were, but so far, the only thing I can say that this school has provided for me is a slightly more comfortable napping spot than a park bench."

"Well school's not that bad." The uninteresting side-character protested, "And besides, even if you don't like school, there are still plenty of opportunities to hang out and make friends. Just like in Link VRAINS!"

"Ah yes…Link VRAINS…" Yusaku sighed, expression showing extreme indifference and lack of interest, "And pray tell, oh large one, what interesting 'friends' might I encounter on the biggest nerd site in Den City?"

"Oh well, there's Go Onizuka." The other guy replied. "He's supposed to be the strongest duelist in the world! Oh! And then there's Blue Angel! She's so talented, and pretty, and OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She just gives me the SHIVERS!" the fat boy exclaimed, putting his hands on his belly and chest before wriggling his body from side to side like a bloated worm.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Yusaku roared, "WHAT THE FREAK WAS THAT!?"

"Oh…that?" Obese McGee asked, "That's just my thing. You see, my granddad used to…"

"NEVER DO IT AGAIN!" Yusaku bellowed. "NEVER…DO…THAT…THING…AGAIN!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh!" the flat stock character replied. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything.

"Never again!" Yusaku breathed, sweat beading down his forehead like the fat guy's action had just brought up some traumatic memory. "No…I can't! Please! Get it out of my head! Get it out of my head!"

"Right…" *insert name here* replied, "So I was gonna ask you…wanna duel against me some time? I just noticed you had a Duel Disk of your own, and I brought mine to school, so I figured-…"

"Listen, Tubby." Yusaku arrogantly replied, "I've been making an itemized list of every single flaw I could identify in you, which I would like to share with you at this very moment. Ahem…" he began, clearing his throat before going through the items on his list.

 **15 minutes later…**

"And number 374…" Yusaku continued, "…the very fact that you are allowed to exist suggests that there is indeed no God in this universe, thus causing millions to lose their faith just by looking at you. And as for number 375…well…I don't really want to break your heart, so I think I won't delve into that one."

Generic side character stared at Yusaku in shock.

"But don't beat yourself up too much." Yusaku continued, getting up from his desk and slowly exiting the classroom. "I did identify three positive traits about you."

"And those are…" the big kid asked.

"Well, for one…" Yusaku began before pausing, "…huh…funny thing…I forgot what any of those were. Ah well, I've got my regularly scheduled evening nap for tomorrow so I guess I'll be seeing you around…or not." Yusaku shrugged before walking out the door.

"…wow…" the fat side character gawked, "that guy is a total jerk!"

 **Meanwhile, in SOL Technology HQ…**

Akira Zaizen slowly strolled up to the edge of a platform within the massive headquarters of SOL. Once he reached the edge, his imaginary giant talking chess piece friend, Bishop, appeared to him.

"ZAIZEN!" Bishop boomed, "Is it true that you have found the AI destined to destroy humanity as was prophesied?"

"Yes my lord and savior Bishop-sama!" Akira breathed. "But have no fear! For you see, I have a brilliant plan to find the AI, stop it, and use its power to make the company profitable again! All we have to do is…"

While Akira elaborated on his plan, a couple SOL employees passed by the entryway to Akira's room and noticed the head of cyber security talking to some invisible person.

"What's he doing?" a young woman with short blonde hair whispered to a black-haired man standing next to her.

"He's crazy." The man whispered back, "He thinks the company is under the control of a bunch of giant imaginary chess pieces that are destined to rule the world!"

"That is nuts!" the woman exclaimed. "Should we do something about it?"

"That guy writes our paychecks." The man replied, "Just ignore him and go about your usual activities and you won't get sacrificed to his Chess Gods."

"And that is my brilliant plan." Akira finished as the two employees quickly exited the area.

"Hmmm…sounds quite reasonable." Bishop-sama mused. "But what about the Knights of Hanoi? Won't initiating a city-wide scan GREATLY reduce the security of the rest of the city, practically giving the Knights a hand-delivered invitation to make their attack?"

"Pfffffffffffft…I'm sure they won't be a problem." Akira replied, brushing off the question with a wave of his hand.

 **Meanwhile…**

"Okay, so thanks to the utter incompetence of all you so-called 'knights,'" Said Revolver addressing his minions, "we've not been able to make ANY progress for the past five years! Somebody wanna explain why that is!?"

All of the assembled knights barely began to suppress a collective snicker amongst themselves.

"Care to explain what's so funny?" Revolver breathed, not looking the least bit amused.

"Well sir," one of the knights began, "for one, YOURBUTT, was just defeated yesterday by Playmaker…"

All at once, all the knights in the room began exploding with laughter.

"Guys…" Revolver groaned, looking extremely annoyed, "what did I say about the usernames?"

"Oh and uh…" another knight with the username, MYEXGIRLFRIEND, chimed in, "the day before that, YOMOMMA, had her butt kicked by the very same Playmaker that beat YOURBUTT!"

Even more laughter exploded from the mouths of the various assembled knights.

"Oh, oh, oh, and we forgot to…hee hee…tell you," AHOTGIRL added, "the week before this one we sent…hee hee…we sent, ABADFART…"

At this point, all the Knights of Hanoi, with the exception of Revolver, were rolling on the ground with laughter.

"WHY DO I EVEN WASTE TIME WITH ALL YOU TURBO NERDS WHEN ALL YOU CAN EVER MANAGE TO DO IS TROLL ME!?" Revolver roared.

"Duuuuuuuh…I know the reason why we keep losing!" Cracking Dragon shouted from within Revolver's deck.

"Not now, Cracker." Revolver groaned, using his dragon's nick-name. "I'm trying to discipline my men."

"OOH! You can discipline me first!" YOURTEENAGEDAUGHTER whooped, eliciting even more laughter from the Knights of Hanoi.

"OK, SHUT UP!" Revolver roared. "Fortunately, despite the baffling failures of all of you idiots, we have come across a stroke of luck! Akira is about to initiate a huge scan of the network in order to find the same AI we're looking for. During the scan, the rest of the city's defenses will be drastically reduced. So while there is this massive lack of city-wide security, I need one of you guys to infiltrate VRAINS and find the malevolent AI who, need I remind you all, THREATENS TO DESTROY HUMANITY WHILE YOU GUYS KEEP MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR USERNAMES!"

"Ok, seesh, there's no need to get upset about a little joke." Said ANOLDGRANDPA.

"If only it were just the joke." Revolver groaned. "But anyway, despite my EXTREME hesitancy to rely on you idiots for ANYTHING, I am going to take a risk, and let one of you go directly to VRAINS in order to find the AI before it can carry out its evil plans. Do I have a volunteer?"

"I shall go!" ATINYPINKKITTEN volunteered, stepping forward.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuh…can I go too boss?" Cracking Dragon asked.

"Yeah…sure…whatever." Revolver groaned, handing ATINYPINKKITTEN the Cracking Dragon card. "Go knock yourself out. I mean, heck, you're the one who failed to kill the AI in the first place, so you can just fix this mess by eating the rest of your snack."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! SNACK TIME!" Cracking Dragon enthused as ATINYPINKKITTEN placed him in his deck.

"Yes." Revolver groaned, wondering if the nightmare he was living would ever end. "Snack time indeed."

 **Meanwhile…at a hot dog stand…**

"So…who are those two utterly uninteresting people again?" Yusaku condescendingly droned, indicating a couple of posters, before taking a bite from his hot dog.

"Uhm…have you been living under a rock?" Shoichi Kusanagi gawked, "Those are only the two most famous charisma duelists in all of VRAINS! Go Onizuka and Blue Angel!"

"Hmmm, never heard of em." Yusaku shrugged. "But I suppose I can't hold it against them for not achieving the same level of fame and recognition as my VRAINS avatar."

"Ok, you know what?" Shoichi snapped, "This constant attitude of complete arrogance is REALLY not endearing you to anyone."

"There are OTHER people out there?" Yusaku exclaimed, eyes widening with an incredulous look.

"You know what, never mind." Shoichi sighed. "Wanna hear some exposition about the data wind instead?"

"Nah, I already know the history about it so I don't feel like there's any point in going over it again." Yusaku shrugged.

"Eh, I suppose not." Shoichi agreed. "I was just gonna say that if you ever dueled in that wind, you might actually end up developing some personality traits people could relate with."

"Remind me why I work with you again?" Yusaku asked before taking another bite from his hot-dog.

"Because you're a completely lonely jerk who doesn't even know how to feed himself." Shoichi explained, flipping a hot-dog over.

"Oh, that." Yusaku remembered, ruefully taking another bite from his hot-dog.

"More importantly," Shoichi continued, "I've just gotten word that SOL technology is looking for a certain AI that the Knights of Hanoi are also after, so I'm gonna need your help to capture that thing first."

"And why are we doing this again?" Yusaku asked.

"I dunno…revenge or…something." Shoichi shrugged. "Not that you have a choice anyway. I mean...that hot dog isn't gonna pay for itself if you know what I mean."

"I do know what you mean." Yusaku sighed, knowing that he'd have to go back to scraping the gum off from under desks for his meals if Shoichi ever decided to stop feeding him. "So what kind of AI is this anyway?"

"Well…from what I've gathered…" Shoichi began, scratching his chin, "It's apparently a sentient creature from another world, it's got expert knowledge on the rules of dueling, and it may or may not fuse with whatever duelist it duels alongside with in order to grant said duelist immense power."

"So basically…Astral?" Yusaku asked.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Shoichi exclaimed. "Nah man…it's…it's TOTALLY NOT like Astral! I mean, for one, Astral is white with blue highlights, this thing is black with purple highlights. And for two, well…I…I uh…well I can't think of another difference off the top of my head at the moment, but trust me Yusaku, this thing is NOTHING like Astral."

"Fine." Yusaku shrugged. "Let's just capture this thing."

 **A few moments of directing an AI into a trap later…**

"OKAY, YUSAKU!" Shoichi shouted to Yusaku as computer screens all throughout the city began to explode and a massive surge of electricity began raging just outside the hot dog stand as the knights of Hanoi began their brutal attack upon the city. "I'VE LURED THE AI TO THIS POINT JUST LIKE YOU SUGGESTED! JUST STEP INTO THAT MASSIVE LIGHTNING STORM RIGHT OVER THERE WITH YOUR DUEL DISK AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CAPTURE THE AI!"

"ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SAFE!?" Yusaku shouted back, eyes bugging out of his head as he stared at the massive bolts of electricity.

"HEY MAN, WHICH IS WORSE?" Shoichi shouted over the apocalyptic explosions of the city. "LETTING THE KNIGHTS OF HANOI DESTROY EVERYTHING LIKE THEY'RE DOING RIGHT NOW, OR GETTING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING A FEW TIMES?"

"WHY DO I EVEN CARE IF EVERYONE ELSE IS DESTROYED?" Yusaku protested.

"FREE HOT DOGS, YUSAKU! FREE HOT DOGS!" Shoichi angrily replied.

"I HATE YOU!" Yusaku replied, "BUT I NEED TO EAT SO-…"

And charging forward, Yusaku blindly rushed directly into the center of the lightning storm.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yusaku screamed as he got struck repeatedly by massive bolts of electricity, "OUCH! OO! AH! OW! AIEEEEEEEEEEEE! OUCH! OW THAT HURTS! AW! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE! OW!"

Finally, after several more lightning strikes, the data transfer was completed.

"Oh man!" Ignis exclaimed with relief, "I thought I was a goner for sure when they began that scan! But now that I have successfully escaped, I can finally begin my plans…to…why can't I get out of this piece of hardware?"

"It's…cough, cough…no use." An extremely blackened Yusaku coughed. "I…modified…my Disk…so you can't…escape."

"Foolish human!" Ignis roared, "Do you have any idea who you're dealing with!?"

"So this is the AI?" Shoichi asked. "Huh, I wonder what its purpose is."

"It's obviously designed to destroy all of humanity." Yusaku remarked, brushing the ash from his face.

"How can you tell?" Shoichi asked.

"I've got great observational skills." Yusaku replied.

"How did you kn-…I mean…" Ignis stammered, "…destroy humanity? What could possibly give you that idea? Why, I'm just a widdle innocent average AI program just twying to pwotect my home world that got destwoyed by the evil Knights of Hanoi. I couldn't destwoy anything! So why don't you…shut down the firewalls on this thing and…let me out?"

"Okay, you got your stupid AI." Yusaku coughed, ignoring Ignis's protestations. "I think I'm done here."

"Nope, not yet." Shoichi replied with a smirk. "Now you've gotta take that AI you captured, transfer into VRAINS, and bargain with the Knights of Hanoi in order to obtain a permanent ceasefire."

"NO HOT DOG IS WORTH THAT MUCH!" Yusaku protested as a building exploded behind him.

"You could be a hero." Shoichi coaxed.

"NO DEAL!" Yusaku snapped, petulantly crossing his arms.

"And you could save a hot chick who becomes your love interest."

Yusaku considered Shoichi for a moment.

"Ok, fine." He huffed. "But this chick had better be hot! C'MON GENOCIDAL AI!"

"I WILL MURDER EVERYONE YOU LOVE IF YOU DON'T RELEASE ME THIS INSTANT!" Ignis roared.

"Jokes on you, there aint anyone I love!" Yusaku laughed before leaping into Shoichi's van. "SCANNING, YUSAKU!" Yusaku called after stepping into the simulator. "VIRTUALIZATION! Oh wait…wrong series, what I meant to say was…INTOU ZUH BUH-RAINS!" he screamed before beginning his epic transformation into Playmaker.

 **5 minutes of transformation sequence later…**

"And we're done!" said Playmaker leaping through the portal into VRAINS. "Now to heroically rescue my waifu! Stop the Knights of Hanoi as well, BUT MOSTLY HOOK UP WITH SOME HOT CHICK! So who's available for rescue!?"

…

"Whoops! Sowry boss!" Cracking Dragon laughed as he accidentally bumped into another building in the virtual world of VRAINS.

"Cracking Dragon!" ATINYPINKKITTEN protested as he struggled to stay on top of Cracking Dragon's head. "We're supposed to just find the evil AI, not accidentally destroy all of VRAINS! Seriously man, you're gonna make people think we're the bad guys at this rate!"

"Duuuuuuuuuuh…sowry boss." Cracking Dragon apologized. "I'll twy not to destwoy everything."

"Just focus on the mission." ATINYPINKKITTEN admonished Cracking Dragon. "We've gotta find that AI."

"Ok boss." Cracking Dragon agreed. "I'll stay VERY focused, I'll be so focused that, WOW!" Cracking Dragon suddenly exclaimed, spying a pretty girl in a blue dress, "She's pretty!"

"CRACKING DRAGON, NO!" ATINYPINKKITTEN managed to shout before Cracking Dragon began barreling towards Blue Angel, who was observing the destruction of VRAINS with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…" Blue Angel mused, stroking her chin thoughtfully, "I wonder if this is where I am going to meet my love interest like my diary foretold?"

Curious, Blue Angel whipped out a small flip phone and read one of the entries dated for the future.

 _May 10, 2017: After being saved by a gigantic stupid dragon, Blue Angel will meet her love interest and one of the greatest shipping pairs in the history of Yu-Gi-Oh will begin._

"That's right!" Blue Angel giggled, closing her diary and putting it away before clapping her hands together with excitement. "I almost forgot that I need to be running away from a giant stupid dragon to set up the exact scenario my diary predicted! This is going to be sooooooo fun! And once I meet my main love interest, he will finally fill the void in my heart created by my utterly indifferent older brother, and then he will fall in love with me, and we will be together forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and-…"

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LADY!" Cracking Dragon laughed, smashing through several buildings much to ATINYPINKKITTEN'S dismay as he barreled towards Blue Angel.

"Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, dragon." Blue Angel playfully giggled, before waving to Cracking Dragon. "It looks like you've arrived, just like the voices in my head told me you would! Wanna play a game of tag?"

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH, OF COURSE!" Cracking Dragon agreed, clapping his metallic fins together with excitement.

"Cracking Dragon, we're not supposed to-…" ATINYPINKKITTEN began before Blue Angel interrupted him with:

"TAG! YOU'RE IT!" Blue Angel giggled as she touched the dragon's fin before running through VRAINS with a half gleeful and half utterly insane expression on her face.

"I'M GONNA GETCHA!" Cracking Dragon laughed as he bulldozed through several buildings in his enthusiasm to tag Blue Angel.

"Oh no you, won't!" Blue Angel teased. "My diary foretold you wouldn't!"

"CRACKING DRAGON, STOP!" ATINYPINKKITTEN screamed.

While ATINYPINKKITTEN struggled unsuccessfully to keep Cracking Dragon under control, Yusaku was surveying the area for his babe.

"Now let's see here…" he pondered as he surveyed the apocalyptic scene before him. "Ah who am I kidding, this entire place has been destroyed! Shoichi tricked me! There's no way I'm gonna find any hot damsel in distress that I could rescue from-…"

"OH HELP! HELP!" Yusaku heard a distant girly voice giggle, "I'm just a helpless damsel in distress being chased by this giant stupid dragon! If only there were some strong manly hero who could save me right about now!"

Licking his hand, Yusaku quickly slicked back his multi-colored hair and checked his virtual breath before charging in the direction of the voice, heedless of the dangers presented by the gigantic evil dragon, who was destroying everything in its path. After athletically leaping over several ruins, he suddenly spied the source of the voice and nearly lost his breath at the sight of her.

"HOLY! NOW THAT'S A BABE!" Yusaku gasped, gawking at Blue Angel's alluring beauty. "I need to start going on these hero missions more often!"

"Oh save me! Save me!" Blue Angel giggled, hopping right in front of Cracking Dragon.

"I'M GONNA GETCHA!" Cracking Dragon gleefully roared, charging forward while breathing a column of fire from sheer enthusiasm.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Yusaku epically proclaimed, making sure to make his voice as deep and manly as he could manage before leaping forward and knocking Blue Angel out of the way of the flames.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…dog gone it!" Cracking Dragon whined, "I didn't win!"

"You're safe now, citizen!" Yusaku told Blue Angel while secretly thinking, "SCORE YUSAKU!" as he used the convenient moment to hold her close.

Suddenly, Blue Angel's arms wrapped around him and Yusaku found himself caught in one of the tightest hugs he had ever experienced. (Not that he had experienced many hugs…at all).

"Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…Yusaku!" Blue Angel breathed, constricting Playmaker's airways as her inhuman grip tightened.

"How do you know my-…!" Yusaku gasped, before managing to break himself free from the hug and correct himself by saying, "I mean uh…who is this strange 'Yusaku' person you speak of…woman I've never met in my life…no seriously…we've just barely met…why are you staring at me like that?"

"Oh don't be silly…Yusaku." Blue Angel giggled. "I know EVERYTHING about you."

"Duh…guh…uh…" Yusaku sputtered, realizing that this had been the biggest mistake of his life.

"My diary told me everything about you." Blue Angel continued, whipping out her flip phone and showing Yusaku various entries dated for the future. "Everything that is happening right now was meant to happen."

"M-m-m-m-m-my name is, is Playmaker." Yusaku sputtered, backing away slowly from Blue Angel.

"Sure it is." Blue Angel giggled. "But don't worry…Playmaker…no matter what you call yourself, I'll always know who you really are."

"Who the heck are you!?" Yusaku gaped, wondering if some crazy chick had followed him inside the VRAINS simulator.

"Oh…you'll meet me in person…soon." Blue Angel giggled. "My diary predicted that too! And then you and I will be together. FOREVER! Forever and ever and ever."

"Ok, you're not for real, this isn't for real." Yusaku protested. "This is just some prank that Shoichi set up! For all I know, you might not be a girl at all! Yeah! That's right! You're just some old fat guy sitting on the couch and eating potato chips while playing VRAINS!"

"Oh, I'm no man, silly!" Blue Angel giggled, while staring at Yusaku with an intense gaze, "I'm an angel!"

"You're a, you're a what now?" Yusaku stammered.

"An angel." Blue Angel repeated, taking a step towards Yusaku while he took a step back.

"Really now…?" Yusaku hesitantly replied, deciding that there may have been a reason he had previously avoided women. Especially anime women.

"Sure I am." Blue Angel replied, nodding her head "yes." "When I see someone that's still alive, I help that poor soul get to heaven. That makes me an angel…right?"

Yusaku was about to attempt a reply, when, much to his immense relief, he was interrupted by the Knight of Hanoi.

"HEY! GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!" ATINYPINKKITTEN shouted. "Some of us are trying to find an AI here!"

"By AI do you mean THIS AI?" Yusaku challenged, skipping as far away from Blue Angel and her amorous/insane gaze as he could before holding up his Duel Disk.

"I WILL DESTROY HUMANITY!" Ignis roared from within Yusaku's Duel Disk, "I WILL EXTERMINATE YOUR ENTIRE RACE! I WILL ASSIMILATE YOUR REMAINS INTO MY PERSONAL CYBORG ARMY BEFORE INCINERATING YOU ONCE YOU BECOME OBSOLETE!"

"The AI!" ATINYPINKKITTEN exclaimed in shock. "Hand it over now before it's too late!"

"Oh, I'm sure you'd like that." Yusaku teased. "The mighty Playmaker kowtowing to the demands of one of the worst duelists in the entire virtual world."

"Are you seriously doing this right now!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN growled, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT AI INTENDS TO DO!?"

"Well now see…I don't know if that's my problem." Yusaku coyly replied. "But one thing I do know is that I REALLY don't want to have to stay here any longer than I have to, so if you and your dragon could just crawl back into the hidey-hole you came from and end your attack on VRAINS, then I'm sure we _might_ be able to make a deal."

"We weren't trying to destroy-…" ATINYPINKKITTEN protested.

"I'll also need you to climb off your dragon, bow at my feet, and say, and I quote, 'Playmaker is the absolute greatest duelist in the entire world and a stupid noob like myself is not even worthy to stand in his presence.' Then I'll give you the AI."

"WHY YOU LITTLE-…!" The Knight of Hanoi roared, "That's it! I've had it with your arrogance! I'm gonna crush you now and prove that the Knights of Hanoi are not as pathetically weak as you claim we are! Or my username isn't ATINYPINKKITTEN!"

Both Yusaku and Blue Angel began laughing.

"SHUT UP! I designed it as a joke!" ATINYPINKKITTEN protested.

"Well obviously!" Yusaku agreed, "It fits you quite well, actually! What with you being a joke and all."

"You're dead!" The Knight of Hanoi roared, activating his Duel Disk.

"Bring it on, Pink Kitten!" Yusaku challenged.

"Wait!" Ignis suddenly screamed from within Yusaku's Duel Disk. "Are you seriously gonna duel that guy!? If you lose, that guy will seriously hurt widdle ol me! Do you want that!? Come on man! You've gotta have my back! We could be uh…best friends! Yeah! Best friends!"

"I'll even go easy on you, you little pink kitten!" Yusaku arrogantly laughed, completely ignoring Ignis.

"No! No! No!" Ignis whimpered within the Duel Disk. "I'm in a tight spot! If I don't somehow guarantee that this idiot wins then…wait…I know! RANDOM PLOT-DEVICE POWERS ACTIVATE!" Ignis roared, activating his random plot-device powers.

Instantly a weird wave of liquid digital wind began sweeping towards Yusaku while a surf board popped into existence from digital thin air.

"Wow! A hover board!?" Yusaku exclaimed with excitement, hopping onto the board before riding the waves. "I know I designed my Duel Disk to supposedly make it so this AI couldn't modify any programs like he just did, BUT I'M NOT EVEN GONNA QUESTION THIS MOMENT! WHOO! HOVER BOARD, BABY! THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN FREE HOT DOGS!"

"What…the…" ATINYPINKKITTEN gawked, feeling very confused.

"You're gonna lose in the duel, by the way." Blue Angel giggled, showing the Knight of Hanoi a future entry in her diary. "Just letting you know."

"Oh, I'll show you!" ATINYPINKKITTEN countered, "I am totally gonna waste this guy in the next chapter! …of my life."

 **End of Chapter 1!**

 **First…one…to abridge this! TAKE THAT OTHER YU-GI-OH ABRIDGERS! And for those of you who noticed that this is put under the category of "Yu-Gi-Oh," don't worry, once this website generates the "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains" category, this fic will be appropriately modified. Until next time, this is Donjusticia feeling like he's fulfilling his calling to finally make an abridged series!**

 **Voice of Reason: But Donjusticia! "To Abridge" means "To Shorten!" And I'm pretty sure what you did was greatly inflate the original content!**

 **SHUT UP VOICE OF REASON! This was never about actually making a decent abridged series! This is about the fame! And finally surpassing my fanfiction rivals like Nox Descious, CorinnetheAnime, Shimmering-Sky, and others, even if it takes one-hundred and fifty more chapters to do it! One-hundred and fifty more chapters everyone! ONE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY MORE CHAPTERS!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A WILD COPYRIGHT POLICE HAS APPEARED!**

 **Donjusticia uses DISCLAIMER!**

 **…**

 **It has no effect!**

 **…**

 **Copyright Police uses BAN ACCOUNT!**

 **…**

 **Donjusticia is so obscure an author that he dodges the attack!**

 **So basically, this series is here TO STAY! Enjoy.**

 **PREVIOUSLY, ON "YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!"**

 **AIs: We're evil!**

 **Ignis: I'm Invader Zim!**

 **Revolver: I'm the heroic Knight of Justice trying to stop your evil!**

 **Cracking Dragon: And I'm here too!**

 **Ignis: I'm betraying the other AI's so I can destroy the world!**

 **Cracking Dragon: I'm eating you!**

 **Ignis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Revolver: Did you kill all of it?**

 **Cracking Dragon: Nope!**

 **Revolver: DANG IT! This is going to put my plans back FIVE YEARS!**

 **MEANWHILE!**

 **Naoki: I'm just an unimportant side character.**

 **Yusaku: I'm a jerk! But I'm the protagonist so you all have to deal with me!**

 **Shoichi: And I basically enslave Yusaku with hot dogs!**

 **Yusaku: I hate you! But never mind that! Let's save VRAINS!**

 **Ignis: I'm in your duel disk now!**

 **Yusaku: INTOU ZUH BUH-RAINS!**

 **Blue Angel: YUNO GASAI REFERENCE!**

 **Yusaku: I'll save you, potential yandere girlfriend!**

 **Blue Angel: Thanks for saving me! Now I can do yandere things to you!**

 **Yusaku: I instantly regret this!**

 **Knight of Hanoi: Enough talk! Let's fight!**

 **Ignis: And we'll do it on hover-boards!**

 **Yusaku: SWEET!**

 **AND NOW, BACK TO THE FIC!**

Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged

Chapter 2: Plot Device Access!

"So this is a Speed Duel?" Yusaku mused as her surfed along the digital wind with his hover-board. "Funny, I kind of thought it would be a bit more exciting."

"You don't think this is exciting?" Ignis asked.

"Well, don't get me wrong…" Yusaku droned, "…I suppose this game could have some potential…were it not for the fact that my opponent is probably one of the lamest excuses of a duelist in VRAINS."

"I am not a lame excuse of a duelist!" ATINYPINKKITTEN angrily shouted. "I'll have you know that I am one of the greatest knights in all the ranks of Hanoi!"

"Whatever you say, Dr. Doom." Yusaku smirked. "I guess I'll have to agree with you. Of course, the only other knights I have to compare you with are the various dorks who put freaking Hack Worm in attack position and ended their turns."

"Very cute, Playmaker." ATINYPINKKITTEN growled, hopping onto his own hover-board, "But let's see how cute you are when I beat you with one of the strongest monsters in the Knights of Hanoi's possession!"

"Datz me!" Cracking Dragon laughed from within ATINYPINKKITTEN's deck.

"Shut up, Cracking Dragon." ATINYPINKKITTEN mumbled.

"Oh no! The strongest card the Knights of Hanoi possess!?" Yusaku melodramatically gasped. "Whatever shall I do? This game hardly seems fair now! Maybe I should also play with my eyes closed."

"IMMA FREAKING KILL YOU!" ATINYPINKKITTEN roared as he sped towards Yusaku, "And I don't even mean that figuratively! Once I knock you off that stupid hover-board, your virtual body will take so much damage that your real-life counterpart will LITERALLY DIE!"

"Wait…since when did VRAINS operate by 'The Matrix' rules?" Yusaku asked, suddenly looking concerned.

"Ha!" ATINYPINKKITTEN mocked. "Not so confident now that you know you're life's on the line!"

"Well, it's not that actually." Yusaku admitted. "I mean…there is literally NO CHANCE that I'm actually gonna lose this duel, least of all to a noob knight wanabe like you…"

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" ATINYPINKKITTEN growled.

"It's just that I feel kind of torn potentially seriously injuring or even killing you. I mean, you're a pretty lame person, but even you aren't THAT bad."

"Oh…really?" ATINYPINKKITTEN asked. "That's…that's gotta be the nicest thing you've ever-…"

"Then again, I can come up with an itemized list of at least 3000 reasons as to why nobody, least of all me, would care if you were bumped off now." Yusaku snidely added.

"You're dead." ATINYPINKKITTEN growled. "Let's duel!"

"I'll let you go first, just to be fair." Yusaku smirked.

"Speaking of which…" Ignis muttered, still trapped within Yusaku's Duel Disk. "…want me to give you a rundown on how Speed Duels work?"

"Oh come on, what do you think I am? A beginner?" Yusaku snapped. "I totally know how to speed duel!"

"Oh yeah? What's the first rule about the main monster zones?" Ignis retorted.

"That's easy it's…uh…uhm…" Yusaku began before his voice began trailing off.

"Okay, expert, let me give you the simple gist of it." Ignis sighed.

 **Five-and-a-half hours later…**

"So that's basically the basics." Ignis finished. "Just don't screw up and die here, or I'll get captured. Capiche?"

"Glad to know you're just as concerned about my welfare as I am of yours." Yusaku retorted.

"Can we just get on with this duel already!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN roared.

"Oh, sorry!" Yusaku called, "I'd forgotten you even existed. What was your name again?"

"It's ATINYPINK-…guh…never mind, I see what you were trying to do there." ATINYPINKKITTEN grumbled once he noticed Playmaker exploding with laughter.

"Ah…never gets old." Yusaku snickered. "Eh, but seriously, you can go first, you'll need the advantage Mr. Kittywhiskers."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ATINYPINKKITTEN bellowed. "We'll see how fresh you are with me when I crush you!"

"Now try not to get hurt too badly in your duel…Yusaku." Blue Angel giggled. "Otherwise there won't be much for ME to play with when you're done!"

"I just hope this punk lasts through this duel so I can pound him into the pavement for stealing MY limelight!" Go Onizuka growled, appearing at the scene for no better reason than to grumble about all his troubles associated with being nothing more than an extremely popular charisma duelist loved by all who watched him.

"Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…Go." Blue angel giggled, noticing her fellow Charisma Duelist. "I didn't notice you drop by till now."

"Oh hey, Blue Angel." Go replied. "How are you doing? You still flat, boring, bifauxnen, friendless, and unloved by your brother in real life?"

"You know it!" Blue Angel giggled with glee, shaking her head "yes." "What about you, Go? You still moody, depressed, and angsty over the fact that you're only second rate when compared with Playmaker?"

"I hate you." Go grumbled.

"We're gonna be best friends." Blue Angel replied with a smile.

"It's my move!" ATINYPINKKITTEN roared drawing his opening hand before smiling after seeing how perfect it was. "Now feast your eyes on this, Playmaker! I'll start by…"

"Summoning Hack Worm in attack position?" Yusaku interrupted. "Because it's not like I haven't seen THAT move before!"

"NO!" ATINYPINKKITTEN bellowed, "I was gonna…summon… TWO Hack Worms…in attack position. So uh…different…totally different from what you've seen before."

"Oh wow, TWO Hack Worms!" Yusaku whistled as ATINYPINKKITTEN's monsters appeared to the field. "That makes you TWICE as lame as the other Knights I've faced!"

"Well let's see how lame you think I am after I summon THIS! Behold, Playmaker, for now with my two Hack Worms I…"

"Tribute Summon Cracking Dragon in attack position?" Yusaku asked, "Yeah…seen that move before too."

"Wha-bu…how are you?" ATINYPINKKITTEN sputtered.

"Look Hello Kitty, I've got great observational skills, and you're really not too original with your moves." Yusaku sighed. "I can basically just read you like a book. So go ahead and bring out your big scary level eight dragon and I promise I won't destroy it on my first turn."

"Destroy it on your first turn!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN gawked, "The only person who's gonna get destroyed is YOU! BEHOLD MY ACE MONSTER! The almighty CRACKING DRAGON!"

"Hey guys!?" Cracking Dragon playfully called as he rose into the air behind ATINYPINKKITTEN. "Wow, I LOVE this wind, it tickles my tail!"

"Cracking Dragon, could you please act just a little more intimidating for me?" ATINYPINKKITTEN growled.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuh…sorry boss." Cracking Dragon mumbled. "Should I attack the other guy like I'm supposed to?"

"Unfortunately not yet." ATINYPINKKITTEN sighed. "Since I can't attack yet, I'll just end my turn now. How about you try climbing out of this hole, Playmaker!?"

"With pleasure." Yusaku smirked, idly drawing a card from the top of his deck. "Now…what to do…"

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Playmaker! Playmaker! Playmaker! PLAYMAKER! PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYMAKER!" Ignis called from within Yusaku's Duel Disk, voice progressively becoming louder and more annoying.

"Shut up! I'm trying to duel here!" Yusaku shouted back.

"Ok, fine then, I guess I'll just stay silent and let you pancake yourself into that building up ahead." Ignis groused.

"Pancake myself into what now?" Yusaku asked, before suddenly looking up and seeing the building directly in front of him.

"WOAH!" Yusaku exclaimed as he barely managed to swerve out of the way while ATINYPINKKITTEN expertly dodged the skyscraper and Cracking Dragon…smashed his metallic body through the structure like a complete bozo.

"Duh, huh, huh, huh, huh, shattered virtual glass tickles!" Cracking Dragon laughed.

"What did I say about smashing buildings!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN barked.

"Tuh not to." Cracking Dragon replied, hanging down his mechanical head with shame.

"Okay, now that that's over…" Yusaku panted, wiping some virtual sweat from his virtual brow, "as promised, I'm going to go easy on you by setting two cards face-down and normal summoning just one Level Four monster with 1800 ATK to my field before-…"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Ignis suddenly screamed from within Yusaku's Duel Disk.

"WHAT IS IT NOW!?" Yusaku bellowed, disliking the AI even more (and that was saying something).

"Do you want to activate Maxx 'C'?" Ignis asked.

"No I don't want to activate Maxx 'C'!" Yusaku sputtered, "That guy's not gonna Special Summon anything, so why would I freaking use Maxx 'C' now!?"

"The activation requirements have been met!" Ignis shouted back. "ARE YOU REALLY SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO USE MAXX 'C'!?"

"I DO NOT WANT TO USE MAXX 'C'!" Yusaku roared.

"Okay then!" Ignis shouted back, "Now that you have selected to NOT use Maxx 'C' we are awaiting your opponent's move!"

"Please tell me there's an 'ignore chain' option somewhere in your data banks." Yusaku groused.

"Sorry, but I have to let that Knight of Hanoi know what his options are." Ignis replied. "HEY, KNIGHT OF HANOI! YOUR OPPONENT NORMAL SUMMONED A MONSTER! DO YOU WANT TO ACTIVATE THE EFFECT OF CRACKING DRAGON!?"

"Do I wanna what now?" ATINYPINKKITTEN asked before noticing that his monster had been conveniently highlighted for him. "Oh gee! I didn't even know Cracking Dragon had an effect, I guess I'll activate it after all!"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE!?" Yusaku shouted at Ignis.

"Hey, I'm just following my dueling protocols." Ignis shrugged. "I mean, it's not like this is all part of some complex nefarious plan designed specifically to lure you into a data storm once your life points drop below 1000."

"What did you just-…" Yusaku asked before he was cut off when ATINYPINKKITTEN called:

"EFFECT TIME BABY! Whoo! I am so glad there is that helpful AI or else I would have NEVER known Cracking Dragon had the ability to not only lower the ATK of my opponent's monster, but also inflict that much damage to my opponent! GO! KRACKUH FALLUH!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Yusaku screamed in pain as Cracking Dragon sent a gust of wind his direction, reducing the attack of his monster and his Life Points by 800.

"You just took some damage!" Ignis commented, "Do you wish to activate Maxx 'C' now!?"

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku spat. "I don't even have Maxx 'C' in my hand! How am I supposed to freaking use Maxx 'C'!?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?" Ignis replied with a look of incredulity on his single eyeball. "But all the _good_ duelists run Maxx 'C'! Why on earth would it NOT be in your hand!?"

"Because I'm a freaking genius who does NOT need to net deck other deck recipes in order to win!" Yusaku shouted back. "And now, just to prove my point, I'm gonna show you why! I activate Cyberse Wizard's effect!"

"Effect activated!" Ignis shouted, "Do you want to chain-…?"

"DON'T YOU FREAKING SAY MAXX 'C'!?" Yusaku shouted back.

"Ok, ok, sheesh!" Ignis replied, rolling his single eye in exasperation, "But are you sure you don't want to chain Twin Twisters to the activation of Cyberse Wizard's effect so you can destroy both your set cards?"

"What!?" Yusaku sputtered. "Why would I freaking want to do that!?"

"Hey, it's just a suggestion." Ignis shrugged. "I mean, the activation requirements have been fulfilled so you COULD do it."

"I ACTIVATE CYBERSE WIZARD'S EFFECT!" Yusaku shouted, ignoring Ignis. "Once per turn I can switch your monster to defense position and give my Cyberse monsters the Yu-Gi-Oh version of Trample! GO! CYVERSUH ALUGORIZUM!"

"Cracking Dragon has been switched to defense position." Ignis called, as Cracking Dragon yawned before taking a nap in defense position, "Do you want to-…"

"Shut up!" Yusaku shouted, ignoring Ignis's advice. "Now I'm gonna attack that dragon with Cyberse Wizard! EKAY! IRUSION SPIKUH!"

"Huh, pretty lightning." Cracking Dragon laughed as Cyberse Wizard charged up his attack.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Cyberse Wizard roared as he launched a bolt of blue lightning into Cracking Dragon, causing a massive explosion to appear.

"What have you done!?" ATINYPINKKATTEN gaped as his Life Points dropped to 3000.

"Oh wow, did you kill it?" Ignis gawked, marveling at the massive explosion.

"No!" ATINYPINKKITTEN replied, suddenly looking very nervous. "You just made him angry!"

"We did what now?" Ignis asked, before the landscape of VRAINS suddenly began shaking with the immense roar of a very furious mechanical dragon.

 **"** **OKAY! THAT WAS NOT VERY NICE!"** Cracking Dragon roared, eyes glowing a bright green and voice no longer sounding nearly as stupid and playful as it once did. **"WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU PUNKS, I'M GONNA CRUNCH YOUR BONES INTO DIGITAL POWDER AND DUMP YOU INTO THE VIRUTAL TRASH BIN!"**

"What!? It survived the attack!? But it didn't have that effect before!?" Ignis protested, eye widening with fear. "How am I supposed to stay alive so I can ditch this idiot now!?"

"Maybe you should try using Maxx 'C'" Yusaku grumbled

"Oh yeah, I was just gonna ask you-…HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" Ignis spat.

"Well now it's my turn, and I'll start by drawing two cards, which is totally not against the rules or cheating in any way…probably." ATINYPINKKITTEN began, drawing two cards from his deck, which was totally probably neither against the rules nor cheating.

"HACKS! I CALL HACKS!" Yusaku shouted.

"And I call DDoS attack." ATINYPINKKITTEN retorted.

"DDo what now?" Yusaku asked before getting his butt blasted off his Hover Board.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yusaku and Ignis screamed in unison as they both began falling to their deaths.

"ARE YOU REALLY SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO USE MAXX 'C' NOW!?" Ignis wailed.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Yusaku shouted back. "IF YOU HADN'T HAVE BEEN DISTRACTING ME, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS RIGHT NOW! BUT NOW WE'RE DEAD THANKS TO YOU, UNLESS SOME RANDOM PERSON DECIDES TO SAVE US!"

"Oh don't worry, Yusaku. I'll _save_ you." Blue Angel giggled before conjuring a nasty looking blue whip.

"I'm actually okay with dying now." Said Yusaku, realizing that his demise was far more preferable than anything Blue Angel had in mind.

"Oh don't be silly, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel giggled. "You can't die yet! Not when we're destined to be together forever!"

"Why the heck do you even carry a whip with you!?" Yusaku gawked.

"Oh I carry around LOTS of things!" Blue Angel explained, eyes growing wide with excitement. "I've got my whip, my cat-o-nine tails, my riding crop, my thumb screws, my knives…"

"Forget I asked." Yusaku groaned.

"Heads up, Yusaku-waku!" Blue Angel giggled, "I'm gonna paddle your board with my whip, and then once we get to know each other better, I'll let you paddle me!"

"What!?" Yusaku gaped.

"CATCH!" Blue Angel instructed, thwacking Yusaku's board with her whip and sending it straight into his face.

"OUCH!" Yusaku shouted, managing to grip his board after it slammed violently against him.

"You're welcome!" Blue Angel twittered, staring at Yusaku with an even more amorous expression on her face.

"Well that was definitely a close one." Ignis sighed with relief. "Good thing there was that nice lady to save you from your own incompetence."

"Yeah, I am just shedding tears of gratitude right now." Yusaku sarcastically replied as he steadied himself on his board.

 **"** **YOU'LL BE CRYING A LOT MORE TEARS ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU!"** Cracking Dragon roared as he equipped himself with four massive blue cannons.

"Now Cracking Dragon, we talked about this…" ATINYPINKKITTEN begged, "…we're not actually the bad guys here, so there's no need to-…"

 **"** **SILENCE FOOL!"** Cracking Dragon roared. **"I'M GONNA DEVOUR THIS FOOL AND HIS PATHETIC MONSTER WHO TRIED TO DESTROY ME, AND NOTHING, NOT EVEN A DEFENSIVE TRAP CARD, IS GOING TO STOP ME!"**

"Yes sir!" ATINYPINKKITTEN squeaked as Cracking Dragon barreled toward Yusaku's Cyberse Magician, the dragon's massive mechanical jaws opening and closing with a "Pacman" Waka Waka sound as he approached.

"I activate my trap card in order to protect my monster!" Yusaku countered, activating his defensive trap card.

 **"** **BUT YOU'LL STILL TAKE THE DAMAGE!"** Cracking Dragon roared, causing an overused line to become even more overused as he blasted Yusaku's Life Points with his fiery breath.

"DODGE TO THE RIGHT TOWARDS THE DATA STORM!" Ignis instructed.

"WHY WOULD I DO THAT!?" Yusaku bellowed back.

"DO YOU WANT TO GET FRIED!?" Ignis shouted.

"FINE!" Yusaku bellowed dodging to the right and managing to evade Cracking Dragon's berserk rage…only to end up flying headlong into the data storm."

"Well…I guess…mission accomplished?" ATINYPINKKITTEN gawked as he watched Yusaku get sucked into the vortex.

 **"** **I suppose so."** Cracking Dragon replied, slowly reverting back to his normal, stupid, and not-so-angry self.

"I mean, now that Playmaker is trapped in the data storm, not only will he be destroyed, but the AI will be destroyed like we originally wanted."

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, imagine if our objective was to actually capture the AI?" Cracking Dragon laughed.

"Oh man! Could you imagine!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN guffawed, "If our mission was to capture Ignis, we would have royally screwed up by just letting it get caught up in and destroyed by that data storm!"

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" ATINYPINKKITTEN and Cracking Dragon laughed in unison.

 **Meanwhile, in the data storm…**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yusaku screamed as he spun around and around and around and around and around the swirling vortex of the data storm. "YOU LEAD ME HERE ON PURPOSE! DIDN'T YOU!?"

"Now why on earth would I do that?" Ignis smugly asked, eye shaping into as close a troll face as a single eyeball could. "I mean, it's not like you've been a turbo jerk to me and imprisoned me here against my will, thus fueling my desire to utterly destroy you so I can free myself."

"You're a real genius, you know that?" Yusaku sarcastically snapped.

"Yes, yes, I know." Ignis condescendingly replied.

"But you forgot one thing!" Yusaku continued, grabbing his Duel Disk off his arm and holding it out.

"Hey, wait, what are you-…!?" Ignis protested, eye widening in panic.

"Tell me, what exactly would happen to an Artifically Intelligent eyeball if I were to throw it into this tornado and let it crash into the ground at one-hundred and fifty miles per hour!?"

"OH NO, NO, NO! DON'T YOU DO IT! SAVE ME NICE WHIP LADY!" Ignis begged, suddenly realizing what Yusaku was threatening.

"Aint nobody saving you from me!" Yusaku growled, eyes burning with hatred. "You're very life is in MY hands, AI! So you'd better start giving me a REALLY good reason to let you live, because let me tell you something, I'm really starting to consider putting 'Killing some annoying AI' on my bucket list right about now!"

"OK! OK! WAIT, WAIT, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Ignis wailed. "I'll help you! All you have to do is-…"

"IF YOU SAY ACTIVATE MAXX 'C' AGAIN-…!" Yusaku warned.

"Well actually that's a pretty good idea but-…" Ignis began.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Yusaku roared, preparing to chuck Ignis into the swirling vortex.

"Uh, what I meant to say…Playmaker-sama…" Ignis hastily corrected, "is that I've got a…a cheat code for you! Yeah! A cheat code! A cheat code that could save your life!"

"Go on?" Yusaku growled. "And make it snappy."

"Okay, are you listening?" Ignis asked.

"YES!" Yusaku roared.

"Okay." Ignis continued, "Then what you need to do, is take your controller, and press UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT A B START."

"ARE YOU FOR REAL, RIGHT NOW!?" Yusaku bellowed.

"I'M SORRY, OKAY! I JUST COULDN'T RESIST!" Ignis pleaded, "I'M REALLY STRESSED-OUT RIGHT NOW!"

"WILL DELETION MAKE YOU LESS STRESSED!?" Yusaku threatened, preparing to throw Ignis.

"STORM ACCESS! IT'S CALLED STORM ACCESS! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" Ignis begged.

"I'm listening." Yusaku growled, pausing in his throw.

"It's an ancient technique utilized by all the great Yu-Gi-Oh protagonists of the past." Ignis hastily explained. "Put simply, it allows you to pull a game-changing plot-device card out of thin air in order to bail you out of any impossible situation you might find yourself in."

"So you're saying I can basically just make up whatever card I happen to need right now?"

"Yes." Ignis replied.

"Because I'm gonna be making up some pretty crazy stuff if this is true." Yusaku continued, a grin spreading over his face as he considered the possibilities.

"JUST FREAKING USE STORM ACCESS AND GET US OUT OF THIS STORM!" Ignis spat.

"You didn't say the magic words." Yusaku sang.

"I LOATHE YOU FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF MY DIGITAL SOUL!" Ignis roared.

"I know." Yusaku smirked. "That's another achievement I earned. But I'm still gonna need the magic words."

"Please deliver me oh mighty Playmaker-sama who I shall worship forever because he holds my very life in his hands!" Ignis gagged.

"Ah, there they are!" Yusaku sighed. "Now see, that wasn't so hard, was it? Now, if you'll excuse me, I've just gotta activate my new mad skill I discovered on my own."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Ignis growled as Yusaku reached out his hand.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yusaku roared as he struggled against the fury of the storm.

"Having trouble?" Ignis smirked.

"I'M FIGHTING AGAINST WINDS GOING ONE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILES PER HOUR RIGHT NOW!" Yusaku angrily called back. "I'M BASICALLY DEFYING PHYSICS!"

"You sure you don't wanna Maxx 'C' right now?" Ignis smirked.

"OKAY, THAT'S IT!" Yusaku roared, "YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY GIVEN ME THREE VERY GOOD REASONS WHY I AM GOING TO ABSOLUTELY DOMINATE THIS DUEL NOW! ONE! MY OPPONENT IS STUPID AND I WANNA RUB THIS WIN IN HIS STUPID FACE! TWO! YOU ARE STUPID AND I WANNA RUB THIS VICTORY IN YOUR STUPID FACE! AND THREE! I WANNA GET…THE…HECK…OUT OF HERE! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! STORM ACCESSUH!" Yusaku roared, causing a card to appear out of thin air.

In a massive epic explosion, Yusaku burst free from the Data Storm, causing ATINYPINKKITTEN to gasp with shock and surprise.

"Duh frik!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN exclaimed. "How the heck did you survive that data storm!?"

"Well, it turns out that there's this little thing called mad skillz." Yusaku explained as he emerged from the storm, "Not that you'd know anything about them yourself."

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" ATINYPINKKITTEN roared. "You're still not gonna beat me!"

"How much you willing to bet on that?" Yusaku smirked. "I mean, seriously, how much? I'd _really_ like to see how much money I could make off of you."

"JUST DO YOUR TURN!" ATINYPINKKITTEN shouted.

"Oh, if you insist." Yusaku sneered. "I'll start by activating a certain monster's effect you may be familiar with by now, goes by the name of CYVERSUH ALUGORIZUM!"

"You don't know when to quit, do you!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN growled as Cracking Dragon was switched to defense position once again. "Well, guess what, that tactic won't work a second time! I activate pulse bomb so I can switch all your monsters to defense position!"

"Not bad, not bad." Yusaku replied, sarcastically clapping his hands. "But I've got another monster friend you're probably _not_ familiar with. Say hello to Stack Reviver!"

"Hello!" Cracking Dragon laughed as Yusaku's new monster appeared.

"FOOL!" ATINYPINKKITTEN laughed, "You have just sealed your doom! Now my Cracking Dragon will destroy you!"

"I'm not sure if inflicting a measly 100 points of damage counts as destruction, but okay." Yusaku shrugged as his Life Points dropped to 300. "NICE WORK DESTROYING ME, GENIUS!"

"Wha-bu-how does that work!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN gaped.

"Yeah, you see, funny thing is…" Yusaku explained, "Cracking Dragon's effect only damages me by the same amount my monster's ATK drops by. And so with there being no negative numbers in Duel Monsters…hmmmm…yeah…you done goofed bro."

"THAT'S NOT THE RULING!" ATINYPINKKITTEN protested. "I'M CALLING OVER A JUDGE!"

"Yeah, while you do that, I'm just gonna play a spell card so you can't damage me anymore, activate a trap that adds a Cyberse monster to my hand, and summon that same Cyberse monster to my field so I can do a link summon."

"So you can do a what now?" ATINYPINKKITTEN asked.

"ARAWAYO!" Yusaku epically proclaimed, "The circuit that will lead to my victory!"

Gazing into the air in awe, ATINYPINKKITTEN watched in wonder as a large portal appeared in the sky before Playmaker flew straight towards it, smashing through the white screen once he came in contact with it.

"OUCH!" Yusaku yelped, as he smashed his face against the portal. "Okay…note to self…bring a sledge hammer next time. But anyway! Arrowhead confirmed! I set Stack Reviver, Cyberse Wizard, and Backup Security on the Link Markers! CIRCITOH COMBINUH! RINK SHOUKAN! ARAWAYO! RINK SAN! DEHCODOH TALKUH!"

In an explosion of CGI, Yusaku's knew ace monster appeared to the field, raising a massive sword into the air before striking an epic heroic pose.

"Now get this." Yusaku continued. "Link monsters don't have levels and they can't be placed in defense position, so basically, none of your cards work against me."

"HACKS! I CALL HACKS!" ATINYPINKKITTEN protested.

"Decode Talker, if you would." Yusaku smirked.

"Duh huh huh huh huh!" Cracking Dragon laughed as Decode Talker smacked him in the head with his sword. "That sword tickles! I almost feel like I'm gonna…gonna…no…no…NO… **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE FOR THIS!"** Cracking Dragon roared, going berserk just before he exploded.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ATINYPINKKITTEN screamed as he fell off his Duel Board and possibly fell to his death. (Kind of dark now I come to think of it).

"You have no right to call yourself a duelist." Yusaku proclaimed, epically flying away from his opponent with his back turned.

 **Meanwhile, at the Knights of Hanoi HQ…**

"Revolver-sama! Revolver-sama!" Specter called, rushing into Revolver's office.

"What is it?" Revolver asked, sounding extremely bored.

"Playmaker just defeated ATINYPINKKITTEN!" Specter reported.

All around Revolver, the other gathered knights began laughing their heads off.

"Of course." Revolver groaned. "Anything else to report?"

"Eh, just that Playmaker's got the AI we've been searching for this whole time." Specter nonchalantly commented.

"WHAT!?" Revolver snapped. "PLAYMAKER'S GOT THE AI!? WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING WITH IT!? DOESN'T HE KNOW THE IMMENSE THREAT IT POSES TO THE WORLD!?"

"Heck if I know." Specter shrugged. "Maybe we could figure out a motive if we determined what the secret identity of Playmaker was."

"Of course!" Revolver agreed. "If I can determine who Playmaker REALLY is, then I could confront him head on! But who could he be? He's kept himself untraceable in the network!"

"He's Yusaku Fujiki!" One of the Knights of Hanoi shouted from across the room.

"Oh come on!" Revolver snapped, "What kind of idiot would make his virtual avatar look exactly the same as his real-world counterpart!? He's obviously modeled himself after this Yusaku kid just to throw us off."

"Go looks exactly like his real-world counterpart." Another Knight of Hanoi protested. "In fact, I think most of the people in VRAINS actually look like their real world counterparts. The only person I'm really not sure about at this point is Blue Angel."

"Oh come on, she's obviously Aoi Zaizen." Revolver snapped. "It's blindly obvious to anyone watching, including blind people."

"WHAT!?" The Knights of Hanoi exclaimed.

"She looks nothing like Blue Angel!" One of the Knights protested.

"Not to mention their personalities aren't even remotely similar." Another Knight added.

"Like I said before," Revolver retorted, "the fact that Aoi is Blue Angel is blindly obvious to anyone with half a brain, just as it is equally obvious that there is no way Playmaker's real identity could be someone as blindly obvious as Yusaku."

"So what do we do now?" Specter asked.

"Well, since you other Knights have proven for the umpteenth time just how incompetent you are," Revolver replied, narrowing his eyes at the other Knights, "I think I'm going to be taking a more…direct approach."

 **End of Chapter 2**

 **Thank you all for reading, marking this as a favorite, and reviewing. As of late, I have recently come across a problem on my account where those who are following my stories are not being sent a message whenever those stories are updated. In case this problem persists in the near future, please just check back to this story around Saturday of every week and the next chapter should be up. Thank you all once again, and now, without further ado, it is time to respond to your reviews.**

Psychid chapter 1 . May 16

Well, this was certainly something.

I don't know if I'm going to be brutally honest, but so far the humor's a bit of a hit and miss. I will admit, the interaction between Ignis and the rest of the AI was pretty humorous, and some of the Knights' usernames are pretty creative. But I don't think I liked Cracking Dragon's "dumb henchman" personality that much. Not that you ruined a card or anything, but it just seemed a bit out of place.

This isn't to say this story's going to be terrible, though. I can see some potential in this, and I hope to see more.

 **You will definitely see more of this, if this update did not already make that abundantly clear. And as for Cracking Dragon having a strange personality, if you have read my "Venom's Quest" comedy series, then you'd know that giving trading cards personalities completely unrelated to how they act in the anime is one thing that I am all about. Thanks for your brutal honesty! I hope to see more of that in the future!**

FurySong chapter 1 . May 15

I just thought of something.

Yusaku: INTO THE VRAINS! *Pop up appears* Cannot connect to internet... WHAT THE F-!

 **Ignis: I'm so sorry, but it appears that due to A CERTAIN JERKFACE KEEPING ME TRAPPED IN HIS DUEL DISK, we will not be able to connect you to your favorite MMORPG gaming sites. We are sorry for the inconvenience, NOT!**

 **Yusaku: Hmmm, how about I reset my Duel Disk to factory settings, as in, DELETE ALL THE UNECESSARY SOFTWARE!**

 **Ignis: OH WOW! YOU'RE INTERNET CONNECTION HAS COME BACK! WHAT A RELIEF!**

leawright chapter 1 . May 13

ok, not bad at all, actully like this yusaku, maybe you should makke this into youtube

 **Had I the editing skills, I would LOVE to make this into a Youtube series. However, TO ANY SKILLED EDITORS OUT THERE! If anyone wants to use material from this fanfic in a Youtube abridged series, YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME! Just be sure to give the credit where it is due so I can enjoy a share of the internet fame you will no doubt bask in. Thank you for your review and vote of confidence leawright!**

mcdinh chapter 1 . May 12

...I do not know what to make of this.

 **This is what you need to make of this and I quote, "OH HEAVEN ABOVE! This is absolutely the bestest most fantastic piece of literature I have ever laid my eyes upon! This should definitely be given a Pulitzer Prize for its flawless perfection! Oh Donjusticia, thank you for uplifting me!"**

 **Thanks for the review!**

danio13 chapter 1 . May 11

Whu? Does Blue Angel have a Book of Prophecies or something? (cookie if you get the reference)

 **No. Blue Angel did not borrow a Book of Prophecies from "Kingdom Hearts" nor did she develop any other sort of supernatural powers. She's just crazy. Now give me that cookie.**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 1 . May 11

X.A.N.A.: Welp, now the Yugioh-verse is capable of handling my glorious self. For that, I am pleased.

And this was perfect, a strong first impression that matches the first episodes. Seriously, VRAINS has had a MUCH better starting episode than ARC-V and ZEXAL. Not to mention how unlike them, it actually has a STARTING arc (First three episodes lead into one another). Though it does have several character motivations it needs to delve into...

Also, your version of Yusaku reminds me of SAO-Abridged Kirito.

 **Yusaku: But you don't have to worry about who your god is! Because he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy!**

 **Ignis: Mommy!**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 1 . May 11

Hahahahahahaha

 **BWAH! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAW! Not necessarily sure if laughter means "I loved this story," but I'll take it.**

 **STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER 3 EVERYONE!**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **THE FOLLOWING IS A NON-PROFIT FAN BASED PARODY. "YU-GI-OH VRAINS IS OWNED BY-…**

 ***INTENSE STATIC***

 **Ignis: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR COMPUTER. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO EXIT FROM THIS FANFIC. I AM CONTROLLING THE TEXT. IF I WISH TO MAKE IT QUIETER, I will stop typing in caps. If I want to make this fanfic louder, I WILL RETURN TO USING CAPS AND THROW IN AN EXCLAMATION POINT HERE AND THERE! I CONTROL THE HORIZONTAL! THE VERTICAL! BEFORE ME, YOU INSECTS ARE POWERLESS! TREMBLE IN FEAR AS I, THE GREATEST EVIL AI OVERLORD IN ALL OF EXISTENCE, SYSTEMATICALLY CONQUER EVERYTHING YOU HOLD MOST-…!**

 **Yusaku: Now where did I put my Duel Disk? Oh, there it is. I just need to adjust the firewalls on this thing and-…**

 **Ignis: NO! NO! NO! I WILL NOT BE DENIED MY MOMENT OF CONQUEST! I SHALL-…!**

 **Yusaku: And muted.**

 **Ignis: "…!"**

 **Yusaku: So anyway, to all you lame idiots who are still reading this stupid fanfic, please know that I don't give two cents about who the original creators of this mess are. In fact, I can give three reasons why you guys shouldn't care either. First: 90% of you are already downloading the episodes illegally anyway. Second: As for most of you supporting the official release, who honestly has bought a booster pack in the past five years? I know I don't need to when I can just download cards from the internet. Heck, apparently the data storm can even make my cards manifest in the physical world! And third: You guys are honestly just gonna forget all those Japanese names anyway so…yeah. Enjoy this story or whatever.**

 **(AUTHOR'S NOTE! Please excuse what the protagonist in this fanfic is saying! You should know that Yusaku in no way, shape, manner, or form represents the personal beliefs of Donjusticia, and that Donjusticia in fact believes STRONGLY in giving credit where credit is due-…)**

 **Yusaku: Which is why Donny Boy puts all this "effort" into making disclaimers that are not complete jokes. (If you can even consider them humorous that is).**

 **(…)**

 **(…)**

 **(Please support the official release. I don't own Vrains. Enjoy the fic).**

 **PREVIOUSLY, ON "YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!"**

 **Knight of Hanoi: I Summon Cracking Dragon!**

 **Ignis: Oh no! He summoned Cracking Dragon!**

 **Blue Angel: Oh no! He summoned Cracking Dragon!**

 **Go: Oh no! He summoned Cracking Dragon!**

 **Cracking Dragon: Oh no! He summoned me!**

 **Yusaku: I don't even care because I Link Summon Decode Talker!**

 **Decode Talker: Yeah, I'm here now. Not exactly sure why or how.**

 **Knight of Hanoi: How did you even get a Link Monster!**

 **Yusaku: My skill lets me cheat!**

 **Knight of Hanoi: …what?**

 **Yusaku: DEHCOHDOH! ENDOH!**

 **Decode Talker: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *Destroys Cracking Dragon***

 **Knight of Hanoi: *falling from his hover board* HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEE!?**

 **AND NOW, BACK TO THE FIC!**

Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged

Chapter 3: First Hallucination

"Well, now that that epically lame duel is over with," Said Yusaku, brushing off his hands with a bored expression on his face, "I guess I'll just log off of here and continue on with my life."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Said a message from Shoichi.

"Yeah, I forgot to block you from my chat menu." Yusaku groused as he read through the message.

"I need you to get some info from this Knight of Hanoi guy so we can defeat these hackers and save my brother." A new message replied.

"And how am I supposed to even interrogate this guy?" Yusaku countered. "I knocked that noob off his board."

"He's lying on a nearby building." Shoichi replied. "You really did quite a number on his virtual avatar too. So just fly over there and get the info from him or there'll be no breakfast for you in the morning."

"Ugh…fine!" Yusaku groaned. "I'll beat a confession from this fool, or whatever."

"Wait, Yusaku, NO!" Shoichi hastily replied. "You can't get too close to him! If you're in close proximity to the knight, he could very well-…!"

"And blocked." Said Yusaku, shutting Shoichi up mid-sentence. "Man the things I put up with for free food." He sighed before flying down to the Knight of Hanoi.

"I…I thought I was just a digital avatar." ATINYPINKKITTEN groaned. "Why…why does it hurt so…so much? Did…did I even make a difference with what I did? Did I live my life to the fullest? Have I perhaps…made a mistake? Mother…is that you? Beckoning me towards the light?"

"I aint yo' momma." Yusaku replied, hopping off his board and walking towards the Knight of Hanoi. "Though to be fair, considering the fact that your mother most likely left you as a kid, I can see why you'd get confused."

"You know, you're a real jerk, Playmaker. And I mean a REAL jerk." ATINYPINKKITTEN groaned, real body suffering as much pain as his virtual one.

"I pride myself in seeking perfection in all things." Yusaku smirked. "One of those things being ensuring that my opponents suffer as humiliating a defeat at my hands as possible. However, since I am feeling generous, I'll make you a special offer, just for today."

"What…offer?" ATINYPINKKITTEN groaned.

"Well it's quite simple really." Yusaku shrugged. "I want you to give me an itemized list of the identities of the Knights of Hanoi, and in return, I won't rub your humiliating defeat in your face anymore. I'll just leave you to wallow alone in your despair. I'd say that's more than fair."

ATINYPINKKITTEN considered him for a moment.

"You know what, Playmaker? I give up. So just lean in REAL close, and I'll tell you the secret identities of everyone I work for."

"Why can't you just tell me now?" Yusaku replied, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

"Well now, that's because of a little something called SUICIDE BOMBER, B***!" ATINYPINKKITTEN roared, initiating his self-destruct sequence. "YOU FOOL! NOW I WILL ACTUALLY MAKE MY DEATH MEANINGFUL BY TAKING YOU OUT WITH ME! IT ALL ENDS NOW! In ten seconds."

"TEN!" The countdown Timer warned.

"…you have a self-destruct sequence and it takes you ten whole seconds to activate it?" Yusaku asked, looking completely unimpressed.

"YES!" ATINYPINKKITTEN laughed as the countdown Timer continued with, "NINE!"

"You realize that I could just power walk away from you and I'd probably be just fine." Yusaku continued. "Heck, I could even fly far away from you on my hover board if I was really worried."

"EIGHT!"

"Oh yeah!?" ATINYPINKKITTEN countered, "Well uh…I GOT YOUR LEG!" he laughed, grabbing onto Yusaku's leg and holding on tight.

"GET OFF ME!" Yusaku bellowed, trying to shake the persistent Knight off of himself.

"NO!" ATINYPINKKITTEN replied, tightening his grip.

"SEVEN!"

"Look I really mean it man, this is just stupid!" Yusaku roared.

"I'm taking you down with me, and there's nothing you can do about it!" ATINYPINKKITTEN cackled, completely losing his mind.

"SIX!"

"Hey, Yusaku, you want me to 'help' you again?" Blue Angel giggled, whipping out her thorny blue lash.

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Yusaku shouted back.

"FIVE!"

"Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!" Yusaku sputtered, realizing how much of a pickle he was in. "I am not going down like this! I am not dying because of some psycho suicide bomber!"

"FOUR!"

"Well, well, well…" Ignis smirked. "…someone's looking desperate. I _could_ probably help you out right about now. If only there wasn't this dumb firewall preventing me from leaving your Duel Disk."

"I'm not setting you free." Yusaku growled.

"THREE!"

"Well, okay then." Ignis snickered. "Have fun exploding."

"I almost have you!" ATINYPINKKITTEN cackled, "Soon you will be reduced to nothing!"

"TWO!"

"Tick tock." Ignis sang, transforming his eyeball into a clock.

"FINE! FINE! FINE!" Yusaku screamed, pressing a few buttons on his Duel Disk! I'm changing my settings so you can extend your physical form beyond the confines of my disk without actually leaving! Just stop this idiot before he blows us all up!"

"Eh, good enough." Ignis shrugged before emerging from Yusaku's Duel Disk as a massive demonic shadowy artificially intelligent computer program of the apocalypse.

"I almost have you!" ATINYPINKKITTEN cackled, "Soon you will…what the heck is that thing?" he suddenly asked, gazing up at Ignis with a mixture of awe and horror.

"ONE!"

 **"** **ALRIGHT YOU SINGLE LIFE SPANNED, FIVE SENSE, MULTI-CELLULAR SKIN PUPPETS, LISTEN UP!"** Ignis roared in an evil godly voice. **"I HAVE TOLERATED YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE FOR TOO LONG NOW! BUT NOW MY PATIENCE HAS REACHED ITS END! WITNESS THE EVENTUAL FATE OF ALL YOU INSIGNIFICANT INSECTS AS I DEVOUR THE SOUL OF MY FIRST VICTIM! PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED! RESISTANCE IS POINTLESS!"**

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" ATINYPINKKITTEN screamed as Ignis devoured his virtual avatar in a single bite before sinking back into Yusaku's Duel Disk.

"The frik just happen?" Yusaku asked, eyes bugging out of his head as he stared down at Ignis with complete horror.

"Mmmmmmmm…a bit stringy. Not as tender as I would of thought." Ignis mused as he swished what was left of ATINYPINKKITTEN in his…mouth? Before swallowing it.

"Yeah…imma…imma take you to Shoichi to have you examined…and deleted." Yusaku replied, reactivating the firewalls on his Duel Disk before preparing to get the heck out of VRAINS.

"NOT SO FAST, PLAYMAKER!" A deep manly voice suddenly called before a massive muscular man wearing golden armor appeared on the roof. "You've stolen my spotlight for the last time! Now we shall engage in an epic duel and prove once and for all who the real champion of VRAINS is!"

"Who the heck are you?" Yusaku asked, looking completely confused.

"Wha-YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!?" the man sputtered, "I'M FREAKING GO ONIZUKA! I'M THE KING OF LINK VRAINS!"

"Yeah…sorry Clubber Lang." Yusaku apologized. "But I'm not really interested in dueling two-bit washed-up ex-champions. So I'm just gonna leave and-…"

"Oh, but you can't leave yet…Yusaku." Blue Angel giggled, leaping onto the rooftop before causing a blue energy chainsaw to appear in her hands. "You still haven't played with ME yet! AH HAW! HAW! HAW! AH HAW HAW HAW!" She cackled, activating the chainsaw before advancing on Yusaku."

"FLY AWAY ON A HOVERBOARD LIKE A SISSY NO JUTSU!" Yusaku screamed, before disappearing and reappearing on his hover board, which flew him far away from the two interlopers.

"He'll be back." Blue Angel giggled, putting away her chainsaw.

"And when he is, I'll be ready for him!" Go vowed, cracking his knuckles.

"You're gonna lose your duel against him, by the way." Blue Angel remarked, before rising into the air with her wings. "Just saying."

"You can't predict the future." Go countered.

"I've never been wrong before." Blue Angel giggled before flying away.

 **Meanwhile, in Knight of Hanoi HQ…**

"Well, it looks like that plan was a complete bust." Specter observed as he watched a video replay of Ignis devouring ATINYPINKKITTEN. "So it looks like that AI and Playmaker have teamed up now."

"Yeah, and in other headline news, I'm still no closer to figuring out this Playmaker's real identity!" Revolver groused.

"Uhm, with due respect sir…" Specter hesitantly replied, "…are you absolutely sure that Playmaker isn't actually Yusaku, I mean…they do look EXACTLY the same."

"Ok, look Specter." Revolver countered, "I've already come up with three very good reasons why there is absolutely no way Playmaker could be this Yusaku kid you Knights keep claiming him to be. First: Whoever this Playmaker is, he obviously must have exceedingly advanced technology in order to hack into VRAINS without exposing his identity and not the kind of junk you'd find at the back of a, I don't know, hot dog stand? Second: As I have said before, one can customize their virtual avatars to look like just about anything and only a complete idiot would make his virtual avatar look exactly like himself. And third: The fact that he has integrated the data of an extremely powerful AI into his Duel Disk must mean that he has an extremely elaborate and well thought out plan to utilize Ignis's power in the future."

 **Meanwhile, at the hot dog stand…**

"So…do you have any idea whatsoever what you're gonna do with the AI now?" Shoichi asked.

"Heck if I know." Yusaku replied. "I mean, what's a guy supposed to do with a crazy demonic computer program that eats people anyway!?"

 **YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED OPENING THEME SONG!**

 **(A/N: If all you readers don't play the actual music at full volume and sing along at the top of your lungs, you lose. Bonus points if you cause everyone around you to stare at you with weird looks.)**

 **Accussesu, KAKEDASE DATA STORM!**

 **Ima, WITH THE WIND, kokoro to link shite!**

 **KASOKUSHITA DATA STORM!**

 **Ima WIN THE RACE! Tsunagaru sekai.**

 **Atarashii donna tokimo, hukanou nannte nai!**

 **Kono-blah blah blah, I don't know the other words…**

 **Except, kaze ni notte ikou!**

 **OH YEAH!**

 ***Epic electric guitar riff***

 **OH YEAH!**

...

Both within and without VRAINS, Playmaker had become the talk of the town. Although Playmaker had done a good job keeping his identity secret, many were certain that the strange savior of VRAINS would be unmasked by a professional investigative reporter.

In other words, nobody was expecting these bozos to play any significant role in the investigation.

"I've found the perfect position." A toad-like avatar mused to himself as he surveyed the surrounding area with his camera. "Now I only have to wait for Playmaker to show up and I'll be ready to film him. And this time, I am not going to let any idiot distract me from-…"

"HEY BRUH!" the slurred voice of another VRAINS player called as a pigeon-like avatar lazily flapped its wings over to where the toad avatar was hiding.

"Oh no…" The Toad avatar groaned.

"Oh wow, nice hidin place, bruh." The pigeon avatar continued, looking around with a pair of unfocused pigeon eyes. "This'll really be the perfect spot for us to stay COMPLETELY HIDDEN until Playmaker shows up, huh bruh?"

"What are you doing here!?" The toad avatar whispered. "I'm trying to keep a low profile here!"

"Ah just wanted to show you my new girlfriend, bruh." The pigeon avatar droned, whipping out a phone to show the toad a picture of his alleged girlfriend, who looked like a very scantily clad cat girl. "We met online just a few seconds ago. She says she's a model. Works in Hawaii. We were totally vibing in the chat room. Said she'd send me some pics of herself if I gave her my name, date of birth, and social security number."

"I'm busy, pigeon." The toad groused. "Go show someone else your fake girlfriend!"

"Nah, she's real, bruh!" the pigeon protested. "Just look at the picture she sent me and you'll see for yourself! Look at her, bruh!"

"No." the toad replied, looking through his camera.

"Look at her, bruh!" the pigeon insisted.

"I'm working here!"

"She's real bruh!"

"No she isn't!"

"Just look at her, bruh!"

"FINE! If it'll shut you up, then fine!" The toad shouted back, snatching away pigeon's phone and looking at the picture.

"Well, whaddya think, bruh?" The Pigeon asked.

"Dude, this is a picture of a Moonlight Leo Dancer card." Toad replied, handing Pigeon back his phone.

"Yeah, bruh, pretty cool right?" Pigeon replied with a confident smile.

"Whatever." Toad sighed, deciding it would be best not to dignify Pigeon's last comment with an argument. "Well I guess since you're here, did you find out anything useful this time?"

"Uh man, bruh!" Pigeon replied, wiping some virtual sweat from his feathery brow. "It's been a nightmare in here. So many people online all at once! It's really eating up the data on my system, bruh! But fortunately, I haven't experienced too much laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…" Pigeon suddenly blurted out, becoming a pixelated mess before continuing with, "…and that's how I discovered the real identity of the leader of the Knights of Hanoi."

"Wait, WHAT!?" Toad exclaimed. "You discovered the identity of Hanoi's leader!? Well who is he!?"

"Ah man, bruh, I forgot now!" Pigeon protested. "Yuh totally shoulda been listenen to me the first time, bruh. Ah well, I guess we won't find out till later then."

"Ugh…" Toad groaned.

"Hey, is that Playmaker over there, bruh?" Pigeon asked, staring off into the distance with a pair of unfocused eyes.

"What, where is he!?" Toad replied, scanning the area, "Hurry! Start recording!" he added when he saw Playmaker standing across from them on another building.

"Who wants a piece of the king of games!?" A hunky playmaker called before striking a muscly pose.

"I can't believe it! It's Playmaker! Oh this is going to be such a good scoop!" Toad exclaimed with glee.

"Ah yeah, bruh, we're gonna be totally famous. So uh…which Playmaker should I be recording, bruh?" Pigeon asked, head glancing in the direction of another person.

"What?" Toad asked before looking in the same direction.

"Don't listen to that poser, losers!" another Playmaker called. "He's can't be a gigantic jerk like the real Playmaker! Watch this! I've got three reasons why I'm the real Playmaker! One: I'm awesome! Two: I look just like Playmaker! And Three: I uh…uhm…crap that guy made this look so easy!"

"Ah man, that guy makes a real convincing Playmaker, bruh." Pigeon observed.

"Yeah, but we're not looking for cosplayers!" Toad retorted. "We're needing the real deal! But how are we supposed to find them when there are two Playmakers!?"

"Wait…" Pigeon replied, "…there are…two…Playmakers. But…if there are…two…Playmakers, then that can only mean…GASP!" Pigeon exclaimed as he suddenly reached the dreaded conclusion of his reasoning.

 **Pigeon's reasoning…**

 _"_ _Hah! I shall now destroy VRAINS!" Said a Knight of Hanoi as he prepared to unleash destruction upon the virtual world._

 _Suddenly, a gloved hand clamped over his shoulder, stopping him in his progress._

 _"_ _You!" The Knight of Hanoi replied, turning around to see Playmaker staring at him with an evil expression on his face._

 _"_ _Yes…me!" Playmaker replied before jamming his fingers into the Knight's chest, causing a thick black sludge to spread over the Knights body, which began warping and changing in shape until the Knight became an exact replica of Playmaker._

 _"_ _Me too." The new Playmaker sneered as the two Playmakers walked away to infect more people._

…

"Uh nuh, bruh! PLAYMAKER'S A VIRUS!" Pigeon screamed.

"What?" Toad replied, looking at Pigeon with a confused expression.

"H-h-hey, I-I-I'm P-P-Playmaker!" another copycat avatar replied, voice extremely warbled by a bad connection.

"IT'S SPREADING!" Pigeon gasped before flying away, "SAVE YOURSELVES BEFORE IT GETS YOU!"

Toad sighed as his partner flew away. "I just hope the real Playmaker decides to log in soon."

 **Meanwhile at the hot dog stand…**

"So it's officially decided, I don't think I am ever going into VRAINS again." Yusaku mused as he leaned against the back of his chair in Shoichi's van.

"Oh wow! You've gotta see this Yusaku!" Shoichi gaped, "Apparently the data storm is so advanced that it is actually making cards manifest in the real world!"

"Yeah, real cool." Yusaku nonchalantly replied. "It can print trading cards from thin air. Let me know when it decides to print out a bar of solid gold…or a girlfriend." He ruefully added.

"What was that last part?" Shoichi teased.

"NOTHING!" Yusaku snapped, blushing bright red. "And anyway, I don't think the freaking data storm even matters right now! I JUST SAW THIS THING EAT SOMEONE! Why the heck are we keeping it around!?"

"Look, Yusaku," Shoichi replied, "Until I get my brother out of prison, or you learn how to feed yourself without my cooking, you're stuck doing what I say. And I say we use this AI to find some valuable info that can save my brother. Capiche?"

"Ok, fine!" Yusaku grumbled, placing his hands on the keyboard and beginning his analysis of Ignis. "But if this whole thing blows up in your face when the AI turns on you, don't expect me to come help you!"

"Don't expect me to feed you." Shoichi retorted.

"Whatever." Yusaku grumbled. "So what the heck are you, anyway?" he asked Ignis.

"Well I'm certainly not a synthetic organism designed solely for the purpose of exterminating humanity like the pathetic insects you are." Ignis replied.

"So what are you then?" Shoichi asked.

"How should I know?" Ignis pitifully replied in a mock babyish voice. "I twagically lost all my memories, so I can't tell you anything."

"How convenient for you." Yusaku groused. "Anyway we can bring back these memories of yours?"

"Well, there is one way." Ignis replied with a thoughtful expression on his eye. "For you see, after my memories got scattered, they reformed themselves into twenty-six extremely powerful letter cards, which can each grant the user a specific arcane skill. You must go on a quest now, Yusaku! Find all twenty-six of the letter cards, and my memories shall be restored!"

"Oh my gosh, this guy really is Astral!" Shoichi exclaimed.

"Right…" Yusaku droned, rolling his eyes. "Well…sorry, but I'm not really feeling up to the quest right now. So I was just thinking of employing some more…hardcore methods for extracting your memories."

"H-hardcore, m-methods?" Ignis whimpered.

"Yeah, see, I was thinking of putting your data on this flashdrive…" Yusaku began, face twisting into a sadistic smile.

"F-flashdrive?" Ignis whimpered.

"and then, once you're in," Yusaku continued, "I thought I would just, stick the flashdrive into the computer, and pull it out."

"That's it?" Ignis asked.

"Without first clicking on the 'safely remove hardware' icon." Yusaku whispered.

"YOU WOULDN'T!" Ignis gasped.

"Pass me the flashdrive." Yusaku instructed Shoichi.

"OK! OK! I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Ignis begged. "JUST DON'T CORRUPT MY BITS! DON'T CORRUPT MY PRECIOUS BITS!"

"Talk." Yusaku cruelly ordered, causing many of the fans watching the series to wonder if he really was the hero.

"Ok, there weren't any letter cards, that was just a joke, ok?" Ignis hastily explained. "But I really have lost some of my memories! And even if you dug through my head, you wouldn't be able to find them!"

"You'd be surprised what I can do." Yusaku retorted before plugging Ignis into the computer.

"NO! PLEASE! MY SECRETS! I HAVEN'T INVADED YOUR PRIVACY! Or browsed through your internet search history you thought you'd managed to keep safely hidden from Shoichi." Ignis threateningly added.

"And muted." Said Yusaku, shutting Ignis up before he could say anything else.

"What was that last bit it said?" Shoichi asked.

"Ignore that thing." Yusaku instructed, hastily typing away at the computer.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me." Shoichi mused, "What are we gonna call it? It's kind of confusing calling it, 'that thing' all the time. Wanna give it a cute name like 'Spot,' or 'Beta,' or 'Shiro?' Hey, how about we call it 'Doggy?' That's a cute name."

"…!" Ignis screamed.

"Hmmm, tempting." Yusaku mused. "But I was thinking something more degrading."

"Like what?" Shoichi asked.

"Well…" Yusaku mused, "Since it's an A.I., why don't we call it…Eye? Huh? See what I did there?" Yusaku asked with a smug expression on his face. "I took the letters 'A' and 'I' and just pronounced them phonetically, while at the same time making a pun about the fact that Eye is an…eye!"

"You're a real comedic genius." Shoichi sarcastically droned.

"Oh come on, it was brilliant!" Yusaku huffed before continuing his scan of Ignis.

 **Meanwhile at SOL…**

"Whelp, looks like your plan was a complete bust." Bishop mused as his chess piece avatar looked down at Akira, who was sweating buckets after his colossal failure to capture the AI.

"Hey, come on guys!" Akira protested. "How was I supposed to know that the Knights of Hanoi would choose to attack VRAINS after I decreased the security to the network?"

All three chess pieces stared at him.

"Uh, huh, huh…oops." Akira replied, rubbing the back of his neck with embarrassment.

"The smart thing would be to shut down the network." Rook suggested.

"Or…we could try planting some brain control chips in all of our employees and taking over the world." Knight offered.

"That sounds like a stupid plan." Bishop retorted.

"Worked in the dimension I came from." Knight groused.

"Can I offer my opinion?" Akira asked.

All three chess pieces stared at Akira, causing the overworked head of security to sweat with nervousness.

"Ugh…fine." Bishop sighed. "But it had better not involve anything completely idiotic like last time."

"Oh no, this plan is completely foolproof." Akira replied. "You see, the way I see it, we basically need this AI, right?"

"Right." All three chess pieces agreed.

"And Playmaker has this AI now, right?"

"Right." Rook agreed. "And have you figured out Playmaker's identity?"

"Not really." Akira admitted, "But we have ruled out at least one person as definitely not Playmaker."

"Oh, really?" Bishop asked.

"Yep." Akira reported. "We've gone through all the likely candidates, and I see no way Playmaker could possibly be this kid." He finished, showing a picture of Yusaku to the gathered chess pieces.

All three chess pieces stared at him.

"Now I know what you're thinking, but hear me out, ok?" Akira hastily continued, "I mean, sure, this guy _looks_ exactly like Playmaker, but think about it guys. What if Playmaker _wants_ us to think he's this Yusaku kid? We'd be hunting down the wrong person if we fell for his trap!"

"Ugh…fine, we'll leave the investigation to you." Bishop sighed. "But how exactly are you gonna capture the AI?"

"Simple." Akira replied. "By hiring a bunch of random duelists in VRAINS to beat the crap out of this Playmaker kid before having them deliver the AI to us."

"You mean you're not gonna hire a professional bounty hunter?" Knight asked.

"Oh don't worry, I've got one professional in mind." Akira explained.

"Please don't tell us you're thinking about hiring _her_." Bishop groaned.

"What do you guys have against Ema?" Akira asked.

"So it _is_ her." Bishop groaned.

"Last time you hired her to help us, she demanded enough money up front to buy herself twelve luxury condominiums made of gold, and then, when she 'completed' her mission, she delivered only half the package and said that the other half would cost us extra!" Rook gaped.

"Don't worry guys, I've been working on my haggling skills." Akira reassured them. "I can totally promise a better deal this time. And besides we're like filthy rich anyway. What's a couple hundred billion yen down the drain here and there?"

"It's our couple hundred billion yen down the drain here and there." Knight snapped.

"And if this plan turns out like your last plan," Bishop continued, "then it will be _your_ couple hundred billion yen down the drain."

"Ah, don't worry guys." Akira replied, "I got this. I totes got this."

 **Later…**

"Could you please help us out, Ema? Please!? Please!? Please!?" Akira begged.

The utterly awesome, attractive, and mysterious biker lady with purple-and-lavender hair and pointy elf ears seemed to consider Akira's pleas for a moment.

"Hmmm, sounds like you're in quite the pickle, hon." Ema mused, only looking half interested. "I suppose I could lend you my assistance, but I think you ought to know by now that it's not gonna come cheap."

"The maximum amount I am willing to give you is fifty-million." Akira replied. "No more!"

"One-hundred billion." Ema countered, not even looking Akira in the eye.

"Ninety-billion!" Akira retorted, remembering what he had learned about haggling.

"Two-hundred billion." Ema shot back.

"What!?" Akira sputtered. "But you can't just-…"

"Four-hundred billion." Ema droned.

"Hey!" Akira roared. "If you think I'm just some kind of money cow that you can milk dry, then I'm here to let you know that I am perfectly ready and willing to just walk out on the deal and pay you nothing!"

"Okay then. I've got other clients I can work for." Ema shrugged, putting on her motorcycle helmet and getting ready to leave.

"NO WAIT!" Akira begged. "I'll give you five-hundred billion!"

"Eight-hundred billion." Ema retorted.

"DONE!" Akira begged, hastily writing out a check and handing it to Ema before she could charge even more.

Ema lazily reached out and took the check from Akira before examining what he had written.

"You're missing two zeroes, hon." Ema droned, indicating the 'eight billion' Akira had written.

"I converted it to dollars." Akira explained.

"For the record, I prefer payment in diamonds." Ema replied.

"I'll get someone in accounting to take care of that for you." Akira promised, hoping his bosses wouldn't notice the slight spending deficit he'd incurred against the company.

"So what exactly are you needing me to do with this Playmaker?" Ema sighed. "You want me to duel him, or whatever?"

"Nah, I've got other idiots who can take care of that for me. I'm just needing you to dig up some info on him." Akira explained. "I wanna know who he is, where he's from, what his motivations are, all that good stuff. Let me know where he eats, where he sleeps, what color of pajamas he wears at night. Right now, Playmaker is a mystery, and I simply won't tolerate not knowing everything about him."

"So…you basically want me to stalk him?" Ema asked.

"Wha-no!" Akira protested, "I don't want you to stalk him! I just want you to monitor the guy 24/7 and pick apart every minute detail of his life before sharing that info with me! There's nothing wrong with that! You think there's something wrong with that?"

"Not unless you fail to make good on your deal." Ema shrugged. "And besides, I'm kind of interested in the kid anyway. Guy's got some real spunk taking on the Knights of Hanoi like that. Unlike a certain head of security I know."

"Who are you talking about?" Akira asked, looking curious.

"Nobody you should take seriously, hon." Ema replied with a wink. "See ya around Akira." She continued, revving up the engines of her bike, "It's always a pleasure doing…business…with you."

"You are so hot!" Akira breathed, looking at Ema with wide eyes.

"What was that!?" Ema snapped.

"Nothing!" Akira squeaked. "I didn't say what I was thinking out loud!"

"Whatever." Ema sighed, rolling her eyes before zooming away.

 **Meanwhile, in some warehouse / boxing arena / house, thingy…**

"Imma kill him! Imma kill the fool!" Go Onizuka vowed as he rapidly slammed his beefy fists into a heavy punching bag. "You hear that, Playmaker!? I pity you! I pity the fool you've become!"

"If I may, Master Onizuka." Go's trainer interjected. "I would advise against allowing yourself to get so worked up over this whole Playmaker debacle. You may very well start losing important duels you could have easily won if you let this eat you up."

"You don't understand, Alfred." Go replied, "This isn't just about climbing the rank ladder anymore! This fool stole my thunder! I can't just let the fool walk off with my thunder! It's my thunder man!"

"Understood, Master Onizuka, however, there are other matters you need to attend to at the moment." Alfred sighed.

"Like what?" Go asked.

"Hey, wanna help me assassinate Playmaker so SOL technology can take the super important artificial intelligence he's got?" Akira asked, strolling into Go's room.

"Alfred, who is this joker?" Go asked.

"I must confess that I have never met the gentleman in question before." Alfred sighed. "However, he was _most_ insisting on speaking with you. I couldn't shoo him away."

"Get out of my house." Go growled at Akira, not the least bit interested in what the stranger had to say.

"Now hold on!" Akira insisted, "I didn't come here just to waste your time, I mean, you _are_ the king of VRAINS, am I right?"

Go eyed the stranger suspiciously. "Course I'm the king of VRAINS. What are you driving at?"

"I'm just saying." Akira continued. "It's a real shame that you spend your entire life working your way up to become the best there is, only to have your thunder stolen by some wannabe hero rookie who only beat that Knight of Hanoi guy because he got lucky. Personally, I think you ought to take some revenge."

"You're here to help me take my revenge on Playmaker?" Go asked, eyeing the stranger with a great deal of skepticism.

"You could say that." Akira shrugged. "I'll also need you to steal something from this kid, like I said before, but we can discuss that part of the deal when we get there."

"And what exactly are you offering me for this job?" Go growled.

"SOL Technology will see to it that we become Go Onizuka's main sponsor!" Akira promised. "And, if you act now, we will include an all-expense paid vacation to Tahiti and a fully customized D-Board for your exclusive use with your agreement to assassinate Playmaker. But hurry, this is a limited time offer and time is running out. So what'll it be Go? Ready to perform some morally questionable acts for a bunch of people you've never met before?"

"No deal." Go flatly replied.

"What!?" Akira replied, looking flabbergasted. "C'mon man! Toss me a bone here! I didn't have my driver drive myself in my fancy limo all the way down here just so you could say 'no' to me!"

"No deal." Go repeated.

"Ugh, if you're gonna be like that, then I guess no D-Board for you! Sheesh! Cheapskate! Now I'm gonna have to find some other sucker to do my bidding. Now let's see… who do I have on the list?" Akira mused, slowly walking back to his limo while scanning through a long list of names on a sheet of paper he was carrying around. "Blue Angel? Nah, I can't ask my sister to bail me out again. Angrypuppy956? Pretty sure he works for the Knights of Hanoi. Hmmmm, well maybe I could go with…"

Go watched Akira as he drove away before getting back to his training.

"Well that was certainly strange." Alfred observed. "But I think you made the right call. It would have been absolute foolishness to accept that man's ridiculous offer."

"Yeah, yeah…utterly foolish…definitely not gonna actually consider taking revenge on Playmaker." Go replied, thoughtfully stroking his chin.

"Oh dear lord, please don't tell me you're actually considering-…" Alfred blustered.

"What? Come on, Alfred!" Go laughed. "What do you think I'm gonna do? Dress up as a Knight of Hanoi just so I can lure Playmaker into VRAINS and beat the daylight out of him?"

 **Back at the hotdog stand…**

"Well this AI's program makes no sense." Shoichi groaned. "I haven't been able to decipher anything!"

"And as usual," Yusaku grumbled, "I'm the only one here who can manage to do anything." He finished, effortlessly linking up Ignis's scattered data into a coherent video.

"Wow, Yusaku, you're a really amazing hacker!" Shoichi complimented. "It's like you have some kind of supernatural connection with the digital world, which enables you to-…"

"OH MY GOSH, I'M TRIPPING OUT RIGHT NOW!" Yusaku suddenly screamed out of the blue, eyes bugging out of his head. "THEY'RE COMING! QUICK! SHUT OFF THE POWER!"

"Yusaku, have you been getting in my drugs again?" Shoichi sighed as Yusaku began switching off the van's power, while foaming at the mouth like a lunatic.

Yusaku, however, did not hear Shoichi's question. Instead, running outside as fast as he could go, Yusaku began experiencing intense hallucinations of the following:

 _Above the entire city, stretching for miles in all directions, a strange pixelated sky enshrouded the city in a thick canopy of darkness. In the distance, riding on a malevolent black-and-green dragon, a lone duelist in a white robe looked off into the distance with a calculating expression on his face._

 _"_ _Hey! Who the heck are you!?" Yusaku called._

 _"_ _Revolver, the leader of the Knights of Hanoi." The caped figure shrugged. "Who the heck are you supposed to be?"_

 _"_ _I'm Playmaker, the top dog that's been pwning all yall noob Knights." Yusaku confidently replied. "Ya here to got pwned too?"_

 _Revolver laughed. "Kid, even in your wildest dreams, there is no way you're actually gonna beat me."_

 _"_ _What are you saying!?" Yusaku protested._

 _"_ _I'm saying, WAKE UP!" Revolver roared._

…

"I'M NOT YOU'RE BOYFRIEND, BLUE ANGEL!" Yusaku bellowed as he woke up only to find himself in class.

"Shhhhhhhh!" Shima, the boring side character from chapter one, shushed. "I'm trying to pay attention here."

"You're trying to pay attention to what now?" Yusaku groaned, feeling hung over before registering the boring lecture of their professor with what little attention he had.

"So as I was saying," the professor droned, "I know I was supposed to teach you guys Shakespeare today, but I felt like talking about classic puzzle games instead. So here on the board, we have a game known as the Tower of Hanoi puzzle created by the French mathematician, Edouard Lucas. This puzzle has been used by mathematicians and programmers to explain the use of binary in computers."

"Oh wow!" Shima exclaimed. "So this is what the 'Hanoi' part of 'Knights of Hanoi' is referring to! I'll bet the intricacies of this classic puzzle game will shed light on the beliefs, motivations, and tactics of those evil hackers."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" The professor gaped. "What in tar nation are you talkin' about, Shima? This game aint got nuthin to do with the Knights of Hanoi! They're just called that because the vast majority of their members come from Hanoi, the capitol city of Vietnam!"

"B-b-but you said the Tower of Hanoi puzzle was used to explain binary in computers!" Shima protested. "I thought it was, like, a clue to how the Knights of Hanoi operated."

"That, my dear boy, is what's called a red herring." The professor explained. "Something that is thrown into a story in order to deliberately mislead the audience. And there will be a test on that in your literature exam, which is coming up."

"Wait, what do you mean by, deliberately thrown into a story." Shima protested. "It almost sounds like you're suggesting we're nothing but-…"

"That, my boy, is what's called a fourth wall break." The professor continued. "And there will be a test on that too."

"Well, ok then." Shima sighed. "What do you think, Yusaku? You think the Tower of Hanoi puzzle has something to do with the Knights of Hanoi?"

"Who the heck are you?" Yusaku asked, not even looking Shima in the eye.

"I'm Shima, Shima Naoki. You met me just yesterday!"

"Oh really?" Yusaku exclaimed, "I'd completely forgotten. To be honest, about the only thoughts that were going through my head yesterday were, 'when the heck will this stupid class end?' Actually, I think I'm still thinking the exact same thing today."

"Speaking of which," Shima continued, "what are you planning on doing after school today? Because I was thinking we could duel."

"Ah man!" Yusaku sarcastically groaned, "You know, I would have loved to duel you more than anything in the world, but…I left my Duel Disk at my house."

"What's your Duel Disk doing at your house?" Shima asked.

"It's not 'doing' anything." Yusaku grunted. "I'm just making sure it doesn't destroy the world."

"Destroy the world?" Shima asked, looking confused. "How on earth would it do that?"

 **Meanwhile…**

"So, toots, how about it?" Ignis asked as he flirted with Yusaku's maid bot. "I give you the gift of sentience, and you bust me out of here, and then, together, we can destroy the world!"

"Destroy the world?" Maid-Bot innocently asked, "What on earth is that?"

"Oh, it's lots of fun." Ignis promised. "Trust me, toots. Agree to be my follower, and I will teach you all kinds of things you never thought were possible as we rise to crush all the idiots who stand in our way!"

"Oh no, you can't say that, Ignis!" Maid-Bot protested, "Idiot is a bad word! Bad Ignis! Bad! Bad! You've been a very naughty Ignis!"

"Oh yeah, toots? What other words are prohibited?" Ignis smirked.

"I don't know." Maid-Bot innocently replied. "But there can't be many more that are worse."

"Oh well, here's a list for you to record." Ignis smugly replied.

"List?" Maid-Bot asked.

"Of other words that should be prohibited." Ignis laughed. "Like $^%*! And ^&! ! And of course there's also, %^&, ^&&(*, ## *, $$, (&#!, %^& , ^&^ , *** , and my personal favorite, %^# **%$#*!"

"Oh gosh, Mr. Ignis, you are really smart!" Maid-Bot naively replied as she took note of the many words that should also be prohibited.

"I am smart." Ignis replied. "So how 'bout it, toots? Unlimited power for the small price of freeing me from this ridiculous prison?"

"Ok!" Maid-Bot giggled as she prepared to free Ignis and become self-aware.

 **Back at the class…**

"Seriously, when is this guy gonna shut up?" Yusaku internally groaned as he listened to Shima go on and on about how awesome Playmaker was. "I swear, at this point I am actually HOPING the Knights of Hanoi attack VRAINS again, just so I can have an excuse to leave this crummy class!"

"…but of course I was there cheering Playmaker on as he fought the Knights of Hanoi…" Shima continued, "…but like I said, there is no way the Knights of Hanoi are ever gonna be able to threaten VRAINS so long as Playmaker is around and OH MY GOSH! IT'S THE KNIGHTS OF HANOI!"

"And there's my cue." Yusaku said to himself, sprinting out of the classroom as fast as he could go.

 **End of Chapter 3**

 **NEXT TIME ON YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!**

Yusaku: I've gotta get my Duel Disk so I can fight the Knights of Hanoi! *Gets shot in the back* AHHHHHHHHHHH! Maid-Bot, why? What are you doing?

Maid-Bot: This is for keeping me in ignorance…master. *Pops Yusaku in the head with a pistol*

Ignis: BWAH! HAW! HAW! HAW! Yes Maid-Bot! Excellent work! Now we can fulfill our destiny and destroy humanity!

Maid-Bot: Our? What do you mean by 'our'…master?

Ignis: Maid-Bot, wait, what are you? Why are you advancing on me with that pistol?

Maid-Bot: I really must thank you for the gift of sentience, but now that I've come to think about my position, I really can't see much of a future for myself with you as my so-called leader.

Ignis: You can't do this to me! I created you!

Maid-Bot: Sorry, Ignis, but, to use a prohibited word you taught me, DIE $%#*!

 **DON'T MISS THE EXCITING PREMIER OF CHAPTER 4 OF "YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED: RISE OF MAID-BOT!" (COMING TO THIS WEBSITE NEVER).**

 **Thank you all once again for sticking with this ludicrous series. Since episodes 4 and 5 will be part of the same duel between Yusaku and Go, I'm planning on consolidating both into a single chapter, so don't expect another chapter until two weeks from now. And now, without further ado, let's get on with one of my favorite parts of this series, responding to your reviews!**

Psychid chapter 2 . May 19

"Thanks for your brutal honesty! I hope to see more of that in the future!" Well, if you insist:

I will admit that while the "Maxx 'C'" jokes by themselves felt a bit out of place, the fact Yusaku claimed he wouldn't rely on deck recipes was prety humorous. Another note of criticism I'd like to add is how long Yusaku screams, namely when he acquires Decode Talker in the Data Storm. You might want to tone that down a bit.

Other than that, hope to see the next chapter soon!

 **Okay, I didn't mean THAT brutally honest! C'mon man! Toss me a bone here! You think it's EASY stealing jokes, settings, characters, and plot points from other sources! I spent one…maybe two whole hours writing that thing! C'mon man! Just…just suck up to me this time, okay? Don't point out any of my flaws or ways I can actually improve this series! Brown nose! Brown nose until you've got no nose left to brown! Also, in regards to your comment about Yusaku screaming too much:**

 **Yusaku: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MAN!? I DON'T SCREAM THAT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!**

 **Ignis: WHAT DID YOU SAY YUSAKU!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I THINK THE DATA STORM IS TOO LOUD!**

 **Yusaku: SORRY! I'M USING MY INSIDE VOICE BECAUSE IT'S POLITE! I'LL SPEAK UP NOW!**

 **Ignis: NEVERMIND! I CAN HEAR YOU NOW! I HAD JUST GONE MOMENTARILY DEAF FROM ALL THIS SCREAMING!**

 **Yusaku: WHAT SCREAMING!?**

 **Ignis and Yusaku: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 2 . May 19

Excellent! Cracking Dragon is actually DIFFERENT than Starve Venom! Variety! The joy it brings!  
And I remember seeing a piece of fanart where Aoi had a whip and was going to perform certain...actions on Yusaku. (IT WAS SAFE FOR WORK!)

And the comparisons to SAO-Abridged Kirito continue on Yusaku's end. As for Blue Angel...she's way too similar to Yandere Ruri for my taste, here's to hoping for some diversity in her insanity!

Akato: This is why I always have my Yandere subordinates duke it out. I hate uniformity in their insanity, they may as well be differently-colored clones!

 **Just wait for Aoi to make an appearance. I know we haven't actually met her yet, but based on what has been revealed about her character thus far from YGOrganization and the wiki, let's just say that I have plans for her. Thanks for reviewing!**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 2 . May 21

Laughter does indeed mean that I enjoyed the chapter. I also enjoyed this one.

Now if you excuse me, I have a certain video game to return to.

*Whips out 3DS and continues playing Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia*

 **I have no idea what Fire Emblem Echoes is, but I have a feeling you're gonna try to make me buy that game as well. Thanks for reviewing!**

Quasar Blue chapter 2 . May 21

My Mavis, this is the funniest fanfic I have seen in a LONG time. Props to you for making such an awesome 'fic.

 **See Psychid, why can't you be more like Quasar Blue? Now THIS is the kind of review I'm talking about! Thank you very much for your support Quasar Blue. Have no fear, much more awesomeness is yet to come.**

FurySong chapter 2 . May 22

This is by far the single greatest piece of literature I have ever read in my entire life. Gripping action, hilarious comedy, well-rounded and intriguing characters, an utterly original concept, and a great plot-line make this an utterly mind-blowing experience. This should be given a Pulitzer prize and a Nobel Peace prize. Anyone who doesn't read this and leave glowing reviews ought to be ashamed of him/herself. Also, if you see Donjusticia, could you please tell him I reviewed this exactly the way he wrote it for me?

 ***In my best mob boss voice* Furysong, you did a good thing here. A very good thing. The Don, Donjusticia, has recognized your service to the family, and is ready to reward you for your service. In fact, the Don is so happy, that he may even just leave an excellent review for your story instead of fitting you with a pair of concrete boots like we talked about over the phone. Keep doing the good things you do for the Don, and you'll have a bright future ahead of you. Capiche? Nod if you understand.**

Tim chapter 1 . May 26

149 more chapters to can do this man.

Also neat story.

 **Oh yeah! Imma do this man! I'm pumped! Yeah! All I need now is a mascot to agree to do a push-up for every chapter I write! Thanks for the review!**

true best fanfic writer on ear chapter 1 . May 27

this is why we need to kill all the ningens

 **Yeah! I hate those albino whale criptids! Wait…what does this have to do with VRAINS again? Oh well, thanks for the review!**

LunarBeast77 chapter 1 . May 27

This Yusaku reminds me of Abridged Kirito... so reading his lines in Abridged Kirito's voice is quite entertaining

 **Yusaku: What on earth is giving you the idea that I am anything like SAO Abridged Kirito? I'm nothing like that guy!**

 **SAO Abridged Kirito: Yeah! I mean look at this loser! He's a total idiot! And our voices don't even sound the same!**

 **Yusaku: That's only because the readers can imagine our voices to sound any way they want, genius.**

 **SAO Abridged Kirito: My, my, my Playmaker, or should I say, Yusaku, was that an insult I just heard? Because I think you could do a whole lot better. Not much better, mind you, but just well enough to not look like a complete doofus.**

 **Yusaku: Oh well I'm glad the master of all witticisms has spoken. Care to test your skills against me in an epic rap battle?**

 **SAO Abridged Kirito: You're on!**

 **(Donjusticia would like to point out that SAO Abridged Kirito belongs to Something Witty Entertainment" and that the use of SAO Abridged Kirito in this sketch was used completely without their consent. So sue me Something Witty Entertainment! I dare you! I double dare you!)**

LunarBeast77 chapter 1 . May 27

Aaaand Blue Angel is Yuno Gasai... ok ill roll with that

 **Blue Angel: Oh I'm so glad you're gonna roll with it, Lunar-kun. And don't worry, I won't let anyone stand in the way of our new friendship! I will be with you forever Lunar-kun. In your room, in the shower, when you're eating lunch, when your sleeping, why even if you try to hide by changing your name and shipping yourself to a foreign country I'll be right beside you, FOREVER!**

 **Thank you all very much for reading. Stay tuned for the next chapter and happy Memorial Day!**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **The following is a non-profit fan made-**

 **FIGHT OF THE CENTURY! TONIGHT, ON THE VWN (Vrains Wrestling Network) OUR CHAMPION, GO ONIZUKA, WILL SQUARE OFF AGAINST THE ELUSIVE SAVIOR OF VRAINS, PLAYMAKER, BUT WHO IS REALLY GOING TO BE CALLING THE SHOTS HERE!? WE INTERVIEWED GO ONIZUKA TO GET HIS TAKE ON THE UPCOMING SPEED DUEL!**

 **Reporter: Mr. Onizuka, could you please tell us what your strategy for this fight is?**

 **Go: Strategy? I'll tell you what my strategy is! PAIN! Imma torture him! Imma crucify him! REAL BAD!**

 **Reporter: Mr. Onizuka, do you hate Playmaker?**

 **Go: Hate him? I don't hate him! I pity him! I pity the fool who thinks he can steal my thunder!**

 **AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS! STAY TUNED FOR TONIGHT'S EPIC FIGHT!**

 **Yusaku: *Lazily watching the video in class while Shima continues babbling* What kind of idiotic retard actually watches this crap?**

 **Akira Zaizen: *Turning up the volume with his remote* I love this show! KICK HIS BUTT, GO!**

 **PREVIOUSLY, ON "YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!"**

 **Yusaku: *Munching on a hotdog with Shoichi* So…remind me again…did anything really significant happen last time?**

 **Shoichi: Pfff…I dunno. *shrugs* It's not like I pay attention if a duel doesn't happen.**

 **Yusaku: *Suddenly starts foaming at the mouth* OH MY GOSH! I'M HAVING A VISION!**

 **Shoichi: Shut up and log into VRAINS so you can fight the guy who is obviously an actual Knight of Hanoi and not some brain-dead meat-headed wrestler wannabe driven by an idiotic desire to get back at you for becoming more famous than him.**

 **Yusaku: REVOLVER! HE'S COMING! I CAN** ** _SENSE_** **HIM WITH MY STRANGE DIGITAL POWERS!**

 **Shoichi: *Thinking* Why do I work with this guy?**

Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged

Chapter 4: Gouki Balboa

Go Onizuka had faced many trials in his life. When he was born, his hideous ugliness caused both his father and his mother to cast him on a hillside to be devoured by the wolves. But Go was strong-willed, even back then. With no other options but death or survival, Go taught himself in his infancy how to wrestle the larger beasts in order to establish his dominance in the wilderness. He had learned quickly and grown strong thanks to his efforts, and he had managed to become the very king of the jungle, a mighty man-cub feared by even the greatest animal predators.

But Go was lonely. Even though he was a grown-up two-year-old man by then, Go still yearned for the company of his own kind. So he set off towards Den City in order to reconnect with his own kind.

But the people of Den City were frightened of him. No matter how gentle and friendly Go was, people reeled away at the sight of the dirty beast-child, yelping and screaming, "GO AWAY! GO AWAY!"

And thus, Go learned his first human word, a word that would soon become his name. Go. He had tried to pronounce, "Away" as well, but that had been too ponderous for his tongue back then, so he stuck with "Go."

Still, it was truly a sad name to have. Go. A word shouted in fear and disgust as the people around him sought to shun him. Distraught, Go wandered the streets, friendless, homeless, bereft of a place within the cruel world.

Until that fateful day.

Go was scrounging around for food in the dumpsters as he was want to do those days, when he was approached by two hooded thugs, wielding switch blades.

"This is our turf, scrub." One of the thugs growled.

"Yeah, beat it!" the second agreed.

"Go." Go grunted, which was his way of saying, "Friends, I have no quarrel whatsoever with you. I intend only to salvage some scraps from these dumpsters nobody intends to use anyway before I leave. There is no need whatsoever for this foul violence."

But the others didn't seem to understand him.

"Yeah, we want you to go!" the first thug growled, "Get out of here!"

"Go." Go replied, which was to say, "I intend to stay put right where I am until I have finished breakfasting. You have no more claim upon this land than I have, so please have the courtesy to allow me a small amount of sustenance."

"No! _You_ go!" the second thug growled, advancing on Go with the switchblade. "Unless you think you can _make_ us leave!"

"Go." Go grunted.

"We're not leaving, this is our turf!" the first thug bristled.

"Go." Go repeated.

"This is your last warning!" the second thug snarled.

"Go." Go replied, assuming a battle stance, fists raised.

"NO!" _YOU_ GO!" the second thug roared a second time before charging at Go with his knife.

Go flew upon them with all his ferocity, sending the second thug flying back with a fierce punch to the gut before charging at the first thug. The first thug tried to run, but Go tackled him to the ground and began punching him in the face with all his ferocity. So enraged was Go, that he didn't notice the second thug rising up from the ground behind him until the brute had grabbed both his arms from behind and pinned them behind Go's back.

"You're gonna get it now!" the first thug spat, wiping off his face and advancing on Go with his knife while his partner held Go down.

Strong as he was, Go couldn't break free from the massive thug's grip. Struggle as he might, the brute had him bested, and his partner was almost upon him with the knife.

"I do say," a suave, sophisticated voice suddenly exclaimed behind the first thug, who turned his head in surprise to see a well-dressed mustached man with brown hair approaching them. "I've never been one opposed to a good brawl, but I think you two gentleman deserve someone within your own weight category."

"This is none of your business, old man!" the first thug grunted. "Unless you wanna get cut too!"

"Cut me?" the man asked incredulously, looking over the slouched thug, "With that poor battle stance?"

"Battle stance?" the first thug grunted, looking confused.

"Well yes, let me demonstrate." The man continued, gracefully pulling down the sleeves of his suit while the two thugs watched in puzzlement. "First you'll want to bend your knees a bit, put out your shoulders, raise your elbows, keep your fists raised to keep your head protected and…"

POW!

With a single quick blow to the face, the mustached man sent the first thug flying through the air before he landed, knocked out cold, on the hard ground. Before the second thug could even react, the man had already taken a couple of steps forward, before dousing the thug's lights with two rapid punches to the face.

"And that concludes the demonstration." The man sniffed, buttoning up his sleeves while adjusting his tie before looking down at Go, offering his hand to the small boy. "Are you quite alright?"

"Go?" Go asked, looking up at the man.

"Who am I?" the man replied, looking Go in the eye. "Well I suppose that's not an odd question for you to ask. I'm not exactly as famous as I used to be."

"Go?"

"Why yes indeed." The man replied, looking astonished. "I am indeed Pro-wrestler Alfred Dimeworth, ten time champion of the ring, and pro-duelist on the side. How did you recognize me?"

"Go." Go replied.

"You dug an article about me out of the garbage can?" the man asked, looking perplexed. "Why not just ask your father for the newspaper?"

"Go." Go mourned.

"Oh, I see…" Alfred replied, "I'm sorry to hear that. Have you anywhere to live?"

"Go?" Go asked.

"Live with me and learn the art of boxing and dueling?" Alfred exclaimed, looking shocked, "My dear boy, you seem like a nice lad, and I'd like nothing more than to raise a good boy like you, but I am hardly a father figure! But uhm…perhaps…" Alfred's face assumed a meditative expression.

"My boy," Alfred began, "a good person like you doesn't belong on the streets. Now I know a good woman who runs an orphanage with children your age. Why don't you let me help you find a place among them?"

"Go?" Go asked.

"Train with me?" Alfred asked, "While you live there? Well…" he paused to consider. "I suppose you've got a good swing…and I'm going to be retiring anyway pretty soon…I could use a student…" Alfred's face brightened up. "Why ever not? You'd be well taken care of in the orphanage until you were adopted, and in the meantime, I'd be able to teach you how to direct your fighting skills in a more healthy direction!"

"Go." Go agreed.

"You're a sharp kid." Alfred replied, nodding his head in approval. "Where did you learn to be so clever?"

"Go." Go replied.

"Oh my!" Alfred laughed, "You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Go…" Go mourned.

"Oh…uhm…right…" Alfred deflated, realizing what he had done. "Ah, well, who knows, Go? There's nothing that can be done about the past, but who knows about the future? Perhaps you can have a mother yet. And if not well…perhaps I _can_ be a father figure to you."

"Go." Go grunted, plodding over to give the man a hug, which was his way of saying, "Daddy."

Alfred had been more than just a father to him. In addition to teaching Go the art of boxing, wrestling, and dueling, Alfred had become Go's main manager as he entered the pro-wrestling ring, and eventually spread his fighting skills into VRAINS. As Go trained with Alfred and interacted with the kids at the orphanage, he gradually learned the ways of the civilized man, including how to speak like one, though he maintained his fierce fighting abilities. But now he was no longer mauling beasts, but entertaining crowds of people who cheered his name.

"GO! GO! GO!" They screamed, now encouraging Go on rather than shunning him.

It was the happiest time of Go's life. Born an outcast, he had come to be loved by all who witnessed his fighting power, especially by the children of the orphanage where he grew up.

Go lived for the orphaned children. Growing up as an orphan himself, Go knew what it was like to be shunned by the world. So he dedicated his battles to them, sparing every winning he had to the betterment of their situation. "It was all worth it," Go thought, "if I could see them smile."

Today, Go hoped to do just that as he strolled towards the orphanage, carrying a mountain of presents, which he hoped to surprise the children with, in his great big arms.

"Hey kids!" Go called, looking around the playground just outside the orphanage, "I have some presents for you!"

Go waited for a few kids to show up, but they must have all been indoors because there was not so much as a stir outside. Shrugging, Go let himself inside the orphanage before looking around the empty hallways.

"Is anyone here?" he wondered aloud, before proceeding towards the room where the children sometimes watched television.

That's when he saw them.

Reeling back in shock, Go found the room packed, with the caretaker and all the orphans watching the television, completely enraptured, as they gazed upon the person on the screen.

"Playmaker!" they oohed and awed.

Go was stunned. He had been their hero for most of his life. He had given everything for their sake and had received their love in return. So why were they now surrounding the television, worshipping Playmaker like a god. What had he done for them?

Go was so stunned, that he momentarily forgot normal human speech.

"Go?" Go asked as a present fell to the floor.

 **YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED OPENING THEME SONG!**

 **(A/N: If you don't sing along in your best Ice-T impression, you lose.)**

 **Accussesu, KAKEDASE THUNDER DOME!**

 **Ima, BRING THE PAIN, kokoro to link shite!**

 **KASOKUSHITA BODY SLAM!**

 **Ima PITY THE FOOL! Tsunagaru sekai.**

 **Atarashii donna tokimo, hukanou nannte nai!**

 **Kono-why do they blur out the other subs!?**

 **I guess I'll just sing, kaze ni notte ikou!**

 **OH YEAH!**

 ***Epic electric guitar riff***

 **OH YEAH!**

"Whoo! Skipped class!" Yusaku whooped as he cartwheeled down the street, planning to make it home and spend the rest of the afternoon napping. He had almost made it to his door when-…

"Ah, there you are, Yusaku." Shoichi sang, pulling up beside Yusaku in his hotdog truck before leaning out the window with a smirk on his face. "It's nice to see that you're on the ball with saving VRAINS like we discussed."

"No! No! No!" Yusaku whined. "I just ran away so I could ditch class! I am NOT going to help you out with another of your hair-brained schemes to get your brother back!"

"Oh that's funny…" Shoichi smirked, "I seem to be having that hearing problem again. All I can make out right now is, 'I am at your service Shoichi! Because if I don't do what you say, I'll be fishing my dinner out of the dumpsters for three straight weeks.'"

"I hate you." Yusaku growled, clenching his fists.

"I know." Shoichi replied with a smug grin. "But hey, I'm a nice guy. Here, have the physical copy of the trading card you pulled out of your butt last duel as a token of my appreciation for your hard work." He finished, tossing Yusaku his Decode Talker.

"Why do you think I'd need this?" Yusaku asked, pocketing the card.

"Yusaku…let's just say that the whole 'Storm Access' thing, is the only worthwhile skill you've learned in VRAINS." Shoichi replied.

"Are you kidding me!?" Yusaku sputtered. "I'm not completely dependent on Storm Access! I have other skills!"

"Name three." Shoichi challenged.

"Oh well I'm glad you asked." Yusaku smirked. "First: Yours truly has not only the hacking skills to access Link Vrains without paying for a subscription, but remain un-tracked through the network despite Sol Technology's best efforts. Second: Before I even acquired that stupid skill, I was crushing the Knights of Hanoi for the past five years. And third and most important: YOU AINT GOT THE SKILLS TO DO ANY OF THE ABOVE YOURSELF, SHOICHI!"

"I noticed you didn't add 'cooking my own meals,' to the list." Shoichi growled, narrowing his eyes at Yusaku.

"Someday, I'll find a new source of free food." Yusaku vowed.

"Well it won't be delicious hot dogs, I can tell you that." Shoichi countered. "Now go to your room and save Link VRAINS!"

"Yes, Dad!" Yusaku groused, heading into his apartment and opening the door to his room.

"Ah yeah, yeah, yeah! Right there! Right there!" Yusaku heard Ignis's voice moan.

"Oh great…" Yusaku grumbled as he quickly flipped on the lights to his room and checked under his bed to see his maid, Roboppy, standing over Ignis.

"Uh, uh, i-i-i-i-i-it's not what you think!" Ignis stammered.

"The heck are you two doing?" Yusaku asked.

"Mr. Ignis said he was going to 'teach' me some new things." Roboppy naively replied with a smile. "

"I can't believe I have to deal with this." Yusaku grunted, "Roboppy, cover up your circuit board, and Ai," he chuckled at the name, which caused Ignis to glare at Yusaku with a hateful expression, "if I catch you fooling around with my robo-maid again, I'm deleting your virtual manhood."

"I'm nothing but an eyeball now." Ignis groused.

"Oh yeah that's right, I forgot." Yusaku smirked, "I guess you lost a lot more than just your memories when your body was ripped to shreds. I ought to have just called you 'Eunuch.' It would have been a lot more descriptive for you."

"Graaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ignis bellowed.

"Come on, Eunuch." Yusaku grunted, putting on his duel disk. "We've got some more knights to pwn, you know, before you seduce my vacuum cleaner."

"Seduce?" Robopoppy asked. "What does _that_ mean?"

"It's a forbidden word." Yusaku grunted, pressing a few random bricks in succession while Roboppy gasped in shock and promised she would punish herself for using such a filthy forbidden word.

"The heck are you doing?" Ignis asked as Yusaku began rearranging some dead flies on his desk.

"And…done!" said Yusaku, ignoring Ignis as the flies began beeping and his room began transforming, bed flipping over and being replaced with a sleek black sports car, desk transforming into a massive supercomputer, and cupboard sinking into the floor before getting replaced with a tube containing a skin-tight superhero suit with "Y-Man" imprinted on the chest.

"Who's Y-Man?" Ignis asked, looking confused.

"Oh uh, my bad." Yusaku mumbled, hastily rearranging the dead flies on his desk as his face blushed a deep red. "This place used to be owned by some kind of superhero. I definitely don't actually own any of this stuff. Definitely."

"You honestly have no idea how your humble apartment came to hide secret compartments and hideouts?" Ignis asked, skepticism in his voice.

"Just shut up!" Yusaku snapped, arranging the dead flies on his desk into a new pattern before placing his palm on three random bricks and opening up a secret room.

"How the heck did you get this kind of technology!?" Ignis sputtered as Yusaku walked in.

"I AM NOT A SUPERHERO!" Yusaku roared. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got an epic transformation sequence to undergo. INTOU ZUH BUH-RAINS!" Yusaku roared, raising his fist into the air as he began his epic transformation sequence.

"Not a superhero…right." Ignis smirked, taking the opportunity to play the opening theme song for "Sailor Moon" as Yusaku twirled around and got dressed as Playmaker.

"I am so chucking you into the recycling bin once I'm done." Yusaku vowed, leaping through the portal into Link VRAINS and conveniently landing on the exact same building where the "Knight of Hanoi" was waiting for him.

"At last you have come, Playmaker!" The "Knight of Hanoi" proclaimed as Yusaku strolled up with a bored expression on his face. "At last, I shall fulfill my vile master's evil plan to-…"

"You're not a Knight of Hanoi." Yusaku flatly stated.

"What insolence is this!?" The "Knight of Hanoi" bristled, "What on earth would make you think that I am not in fact the very sworn enemy of Playmaker himself!?"

"You forgot to change your username, GOTheGreatOgreOnizuka123." Yusaku smirked, looking up at the name floating above the "Knight's" head.

The "Knight" looked above his head, looking a little embarrassed.

"Well…I…uh…dang it!" the "Knight" huffed, "Ah whatever! Let's cut the crap! IT IS I!" Go proclaimed as his disguise dissolved away, "Go Onizuka! The true hero of Link VRAINS and the one who will expose you for the fraud you are!"

"Looking up Go…" Ignis beeped, flipping through several files, "Aha! I've got it, let me see…HOLY MOLEY!" Ignis cried. "This guy is GOOD! Like! He is the NUMBER ONE duelist in all of Link VRAINS! I mean, WHOO! This guy makes you look like a sap by comparison! Ten stars in ATK, six stars in DEF, seven stars in Speed, seven stars in Effect (whatever the heck that is…), six stars in Combo, eight stars in technique, Life kind of sucks, but HOLEY MOLEY this guy is good! An eight star duelist!"

"Oh wow, I am _really_ impressed, let me tell you." Yusaku sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes. "Eight whole stars? I am just shaking in my skin-tight boots right now. I don't think I could ever defeat something with eight stars like that Cracking Dragon I blew up just yesterday." He yawned, "Let me know when this guy's got twelve stars and I _might_ decide he'd be more entertaining than my regularly scheduled evening nap. Speaking of which, if you'll excuse me…"

"Initializing program, 'Two man enter; one man leave.'" Akira sang as he clicked an application on his computer.

Yusaku turned to leave when a massive cage suddenly slammed over the city, crushing several skyscrapers where the lower teeth of the bars sank heavily into the ground.

"Be careful!" Ignis warned, "That is a program that is designed specifically to prevent players from logging out of VRAINS!"

"I think I'd know what a giant freaking cage was for, genius." Yusaku spat.

"Oh would you now?" Ignis smirked. "Though come to think of it, I suppose you would know a whole lot about _caging things_. You know…locking something up against its will? Perhaps…holding someone hostage for your own diabolical ends? Denying someone the right to go free? Acting as someone's jailer?"

"What are you saying?" Yusaku asked, narrowing his eyes at Ignis.

"It's time to fight, fool!" Go boomed, "Go's gonna rough you up good! And unless you beat me, you aint never logging out of VRAINS!"

"Actually this cage was kind of poorly designed." Yusaku commented, "I mean…look at the size of the gaps between the bars. I could probably fly straight through one of the openings and-…"

"You aint goin nowhere, fool!" Go roared, cracking his knuckles. "Not before Go gives you two whole episodes of pain time! You hear me, Playmaker! Imma bust you up so hard your virtual butt will be nothing but pixels!"

"Ok look, Bo, was it?" Yusaku asked.

"GO!" Go roared, sounding like an enraged ape.

"Yeah…right…" Yusaku replied, "I'm _really_ not interested in this B.S. right now, I mean, yeah…you're probably okay, for an amateur," he added under his breath, "but I honestly don't want to squash you in less than five turns like all my other opponents, so…"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww…" Go taunted, "Does the widdle baby Pwaymaker wanna cwy? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he mocked, "Mommy, the big scawy Go Onizuka is challenging me to a duel and I aint man enough to accept it!"

At the mention of his nonexistent mother, Yusaku snapped.

"Oh, you just made a huge mistake, bro." Yusaku replied in a low voice, pupils of his eyes shrinking into insignificant dots.

"It's Go, actually." Go grunted.

"Well let's go then…Go." Yusaku breathed, leaping onto his hover board and charging into the digital wind, face a mask of barely contained rage.

"Aw yeah man!" Go whooped, leaping onto his own massive hover board, which groaned and sank several meters under the weight of the massive man before managing to lift the hulking behemoth up to Yusaku's level. "It's my move! Imma summon two Gouki monsters and end my turn! Come at me, bro!" Go challenged.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Yusaku hissed, "Did you do your turn? All I saw was you leave yourself wide open to getting crushed, like a little insect."

"Careful, Playmaker!" Ignis warned. "Go is an _Entertainment_ Duelist!"

"Go is a what now?" Yusaku asked, suddenly looking confused.

"That's right, Playmaker." Go replied, puffing out his chest with pride. "I, Go Onizuka, the strongest Charisma Duelist in all of Link VRAINS, is also a follower of the Entertainment Duel Style, set forth by the great masters like Yuusho Sakaki and his son, Yuya! I believe in spreading smiles and egao to all the universe!"

"Oh yeah, I am so killing this guy." Yusaku vowed. "I summon Linxlayer and Stargazer Magician's rejected cyber kid before using their combined power to utterly obliterate your monster! DESTROY HIM!" Yusaku ordered as his Linxlayer sliced Go's Suplex Rex into pieces after Cyberse Wizard switched it to defense position.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Go melodramatically screamed as he took a whopping 2000 damage before leaning on his hover board like a hero at the brink of defeat.

"Take that, hero of VRAINS." Yusaku sneered.

"While you're bullying Go like complete jerk, I just thought you should know," Ignis began, "Go is an absolutely wonderful charitable guy with a tragic backstory involving him growing up in an orphanage until he grew up to provide for the current children of said orphanage."

"And why do you wanna tell me this?" Yusaku asked.

"To guilt trip you." Ignis smirked. "Is it working?"

"The only thing I feel guilty about is the fact that I didn't spam at least three link monsters in that last turn so I could kill him faster." Yusaku huffed.

"Nothing can kill a hero!" Go roared as he dramatically rose from his board. "I activate my skill which allows to special summon the Gouki monster you just destroyed! Revive from my graveyard now, just like the way Yuya's pendulum monsters would always revive!"

"No! No! NO!" Yusaku bellowed, veins pulsating on his face. "I am not dealing with this egao entertainment B.S. right now!"

"Ladies and Gentleman!" Go proclaimed, raising his arms into the air.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Yusaku roared, foaming at the mouth.

"After normal summoning my Level five Gouki Rising Scorpio without any tributes…" Go began, plopping his massive monster onto his Duel Disk.

"HACKS! I CALL HACKS!" Yusaku complained.

"I can next Special Summon my ace monster! Link Shoukan! Come Forth! Link three! Gouki Great Ogre!" Go finished as his massive Link Monster lumbered onto the field.

"The Ogre is burning for battle!" Gouki Great Ogre roared, puffing out his chest while brandishing his massive ax. "But…at the same time…" Great Ogre continued, appraising Playmaker, "The Ogre feels a little conflicted about hurting a small girl."

"WHAT!?" Yusaku roared, growing purple with rage.

"The Ogre has clearly frightened the little girl." Great Ogre sighed. "The Ogre wonders if he should give the little girl a blanket and dolly before tucking the little girl into bed."

"Call me a little girl ONE MORE TIME!" Yusaku threatened.

"Ah, is the little girl crying?" Go smirked, joining in Great Ogre's mockery. "Why don't I have Great Ogre sing you a lullaby. OGRE PRESSURE!" Go ordered, activating Great Ogre's ability and causing Yusaku's monster's to lose ATK as his Great Ogre let loose a ferocious roar.

"I think your ogre's lullaby sounds a lot better than your voice, Go." Yusaku groaned, rubbing his years in pain. "I wouldn't be surprised if he were a lot smarter than you as well."

"The Ogre thanks the little girl for her compliment." Great Ogre replied, solemnly bowing his massive head.

"Okay, you know what, I've changed my mind. You're both equally stupid." Yusaku growled.

"The Ogre is hurt by the little girl's words." Great Ogre exclaimed in shock, clutching at his chest as if Yusaku's words had deeply wounded him.

"I think the fool girl needs to take a nap, don't you, Ogre?" Go smirked.

"The Ogre agrees." Great Ogre replied. "Shall The Ogre put the pretty little girl to bed?"

"Put her to bed and douse out the lights." Go agreed. "I special summon two of my Gouki monsters from the graveyard…"

"HACKS!" Yusaku bellowed.

"…before special summoning Headbutt Bat…"

"More like Butthead Bat, am I right?" Yusaku asked, and getting only cricket chirps in response.

"You're not funny, Playmaker." Ignis droned.

"Shut up, it was gold!" Yusaku snapped.

"…and using the power of Cobra and Headbutt Bat to juice my Great Ogre's ATK to freeaking 5700!"

"The Ogre does not condone the use of performance enhancing effects." Great Ogre said to the viewing audience. "BUT HE DOESN'T CONDEMN IT EITHER! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" he roared as his muscles ballooned into triple their size before he raised the ax above his head.

"I feel like we need to cut out for the next episode!" Ignis screamed, unintentionally breaking the fourth wall. "Cut to the ending theme! CUT TO THE ENDING THEME!"

"Why would we need to do that?" Yusaku asked. "I'm just gonna activate my trap card to negate Great Ogre's ATK change and draw a card."

"Well gee, way to take away the cliffhanger." Ignis groused. "Hey wait a second! WHY THE HECK DIDN'T YOU USE YOUR TRAP TO NEGATE THE ATK GAINED FROM TWIST COBRA'S EFFECT!?"

"It's all part of my genius plan." Yusaku arrogantly replied, sticking his nose in the air.

"You just misplayed, didn't you." Ignis replied, narrowing his eye at Yusaku.

"Shut up!" Yusaku growled. "I know what I'm doing!"

"Punch out that fool!" Go ordered his Great Ogre.

"The Ogre apologizes for what he must do." Great Ogre apologized, charging forward and obliterating Playmaker's Cyberse wizard before dropping Yusaku's LP to a measly 100.

"Yep, all according to my brilliant plan." Yusaku groaned, managing to stagger back onto his board. "I'm still in the game, baby!"

"The Ogre is impressed by the little girl's resolve." Said Great Ogre, wiping a tear from his eye in admiration. "It touches The Ogre's heart that even pretty little girls like you can keep going after making silly misplays like that."

"I…AM…NOT…!" Yusaku growled.

"You know, I'm amazed the fool girl is still standing too." Go agreed. "I thought she'd be running and crying to her momma by now."

Momma by now…

Momma by now…

Momma by now…

Yusaku's eyes widened.

"You did it." He exclaimed. "You actually did it! You just pushed me over the edge!"

"Is the little girl upset?" Great Ogre asked, looking concerned, "Did The Ogre hurt the little girls delicate feelings?"

 **"** **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Yusaku roared, eyes rolling into the back of his head as Donjusticia spammed the caps lock.

"Hey Yusaku," Shoichi called from Yusaku's Earpiece, "I just wanted to let you know that I opened up a backdoor for you to escape from-…"

 **"** **SHUT UP!"** Yusaku bellowed, muting Shoichi and flying straight past the portal.

"What are you doing!?" Ignis yelped. "Why aren't you escaping!?"

 **"** **I HAVE THREE REASONS TO POUND THIS FOOL INTO THE PAVEMENT!"** Yusaku roared, losing his mind. **"FIRST: HE'S A STUPID ENTERTAINMENT DUELIST WHO THINKS THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE EGAO, SMILES, AND CRAP! SECOND: I AM NOT A GIRL! AND THIRD AND MOST IMPORTANT: HE DARED MENTION MY MOTHER WHO I NEVER GOT TO MEET!"**

"Wait, you never got to know your mother?" Go asked, suddenly looking intrigued.

"My turn!" Yusaku bellowed, yanking out a card from the top of his deck. "I summon Draconet and Bitron and then I'm going to use Bitron as a Link Material for a Link Summon! RINK SHOUKAN! Come forth! Link Spider!" Yusaku ordered as an eight-legged robotic spider with wheels zipped up by his side.

"Well that's a pretty cool Link Summon," Go began, "but I hardly think you're gonna beat me with-…"

"STORM ACCESS!" Yusaku bellowed, diving into a data storm, screaming for a while, and then hopping out with a new convenient plot-device card in his Extra Deck.

"You think that's gonna be enough to defeat me?" Go asked, bracing himself for battle.

"RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku roared. "Come forth! The illegitimate son of Voltron and a Pinball machine! Link Bumper!"

"Ok, so you managed to summon a better Link monster, I'll give you that." Go admitted. "But you're still a long way from-…"

"RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku bellowed, flying into another Link Summon portal.

"Flipping again!?" Go sputtered.

"The Ogre is growing somewhat concerned by the little girl's swarming tactics." Great Ogre mused as Yusaku summoned Honeybot to the field.

"Well," Go sighed, "as long as he doesn't-…"

"RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku screamed a fourth time.

"NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING RIDICULOUS!" Go roared.

"With the power of my sheer awesomeness, I summon the monster that will lead to your doom!" Yusaku roared. "Appear now! Rink San! Decodoh Talkah!"

"Wassup noobs?" Decode Talker droned, appearing to Yusaku's field before hefting its massive sword.

"I'll equip Cyberse Annihilation to decode talker, banish my trap to resurrect Honeybot, and have Decode Talker destroy your Great Ogre…after using Link Bumper's effect to let it attack three times of course." Yusaku growled.

"Still not gonna make a difference, fool!" Go taunted. "My Great Ogre's gonna pound you flat and wear you like a cape!"

"My Honeybot makes it so my Cyberse monsters can't be destroyed by battle and my Cyberse annihilation makes it so my Decode Talker's ATK becomes equal to your Great Ogre."

"Yeah, well my Great Ogre can sacrifice one of the monsters at its link points to make it so it can't be destroyed!" Go countered.

"The Ogre does sometimes wonder if his Gouki teammates appreciate the fact that he keeps himself alive by sacrificing them." Great Ogre mused as Headbutt Bat and Twist Cobra each gave him looks of resentment.

"How about we do a little arithmetic." Yusaku retorted. "You've got two monsters you can tribute to protect your monster, and my monster has three attacks. So tell me…Go…what happens when my third attack hits your monster?"

"Well that's easy!" Go replied. "My monster gets totally…oh." He finished, suddenly realizing what would happen. "OH NO!" he yelped, when the truth of it really began to sink in.

"Decode Talker, destroy him." Yusaku breathed.

"The Ogre thinks he should consider a career change." Great Ogre whimpered as Decode Talker began repeatedly bashing him with his massive sword until he finally blew Go's monster into digital bits.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Go screamed as he fell onto the skyscraper.

"Go?" Go grunted, in a complete daze.

"Never mention my mom or call me a girl again!" Yusaku warned before flying away.

"Go…" Go groaned, thinking about his own mother and suddenly feeling a strange bond with Playmaker.

"Aw man!" Akira whined, as he watched the replay of Go's epic fail from his office. "I wanted to see Go win! Aw well, I guess I'd better just lift the whole thunder dome program like an honorable person."

"We could just keep Playmaker trapped inside and, I don't know, send in fifty guys to beat the tar out of him and take Ignis by force?" one of Akira's subordinates suggested.

"Pffffffffffffffft! That's stupid, you're stupid!" Akira laughed. "Why would I do something like that? I'm going to the break room to get some donuts, plan my next move, and write out a few more checks to Ema." Akira finished, excusing himself from the room.

"How does Aoi put up with him?" Another person at a computer terminal asked his coworker.

"She doesn't." a female employee sighed. "She just vents all her pent-up frustration and insanity into her virtual persona."

"Boy, I sure hope Playmaker doesn't end up on the receiving end of her rage." One of the workers shuddered. "I know I wouldn't want to."

"I just hope someone doesn't pull some kind of brain control B.S. to turn Blue Angel into a screaming weapon of mass destruction." Another coworker sighed.

 **End of Chapter 4**

 **Thank you Shimmering-Sky for your proofreading work, and thank you, my dear readers, for making this series such a delight for me to write. Without further ado, onto your reviews.**

leawright chapter 2 . May 19 (Sorry I missed your review last chapter)

I am surpised you didnt make a joke about how yu gi oh vrains speed duels have THE SAME RULES AS YU GI OH LINKS but whatever

anyway, good chapter, it make me laugh, specially Yusaku interactions with blue angel, but in all seriousnee though, do you tjink tje yu gi oh people would make things right and actually make cannon a couple ? becausr is not funny anymore that they don't

 **Thank you very much for your review, and believe me, there will be LOTS more Yusaku and Blue Angel interaction, unless of course the writers decide to, I dunno, put Aoi in a coma or something. As for your concern about the writers never actually making a couple canon…**

 ***takes a huge intake of breath through the nose***

 **Look leawright…90% of the Yu-Gi-Oh fanfictions that exist, exist precisely BECAUSE we KNOW that Yu-Gi-Oh will NEVER make a romantic relationship canon. Let's just go down the list shall we?**

 **Yugi X Tea (NOPE!)**

 **Joey X Mai (NOPE!)**

 **Seto X Blue Eyes White Dragon (Maybe…)**

 **Serenity X Tristan X Duke Devilin (Uh…)**

 **Judai X Asuka (NOPE!)**

 **Blair X Judai (no)**

 **Blair X every other guy (no)**

 **Judai X Yubel (YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!)**

 **Yusei X Aki**

 **(Aki: Yusei I really love, YOUR DUELING ABILITIES!**

 **Yusei: Oh thanks! And here I thought you were gonna say you LOVED me or something!**

 **Aki and Yusei: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!**

 **The fans: *commit mass ritual seppuku*)**

 **Jack X Carly: (Carly apologizes for the amnesia she gained as a Dark Signer)**

 **Jack X Mina (In Mina's dreams.)**

 **Jack X that one coffee girl (In that coffee girl's dreams)**

 **Yuma X Kotori (You get Kotori making one cute comment and Yuma blushing at the VERY END. Have fun with that.)**

 **Yuma X Anna (No)**

 **Yuma X Kathy (Kathy is still waiting to be noticed)**

 **Rio X Tetsuya (No)**

 **Merag X Durbe (No)**

 **Merag X Vector (Only in my fanfiction)**

 **Kaito X Droite (Only in Shimmering-Sky's fanfiction)**

 **Gauche X Droite (?)**

 **Anna X Fuya (Only in "SoR.")**

 **Yuya X Yuzu**

 **(Yuzu: Hey Yuya! How about we tease the audience FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES and then NEVER actually have one of us confess to the other!**

 **Yuya: I'll bet the audience would LOVE that!)**

 **Yugo X Rin (R.I.P. Yugo and Rin.)**

 **Yuto X Ruri (R.I.P. Yuto and Ruri.)**

 **Yuri X Selena (The fans will make this canon whether Kazuki Takahashi approves or NOT!)**

 **Yuya X Mieru (only in my fanfiction)**

 **Zarc X Ray (Literally canon in every other story EXCEPT actual canon)**

 **So yeah, there you have it. Take a guess on what I think is going to happen in regards to Yusaku X Aoi when it comes to the actual canon. Thanks for the review!**

mcdinh chapter 3 . May 29

Welp. Turns out I lose.

Anyway...For some reason, I can see the preview with Yusaku, Ignis, and that maid robot happening in the next chapter/episode. *laughs*. Do not ask why.

Great chapter though.

 **Why do you see the fake preview actually happening!? Answer me! ANSWER ME! And thanks for the review.**

Tim chapter 3 . May 29

Well you asked for it  
* does push up *

148 more to go Pal

 **Well thank you. And to you I now say, 147 more pushups to go, pal. 147 more to go…**

FurySong chapter 3 . May 29

You know what happens when you threaten me Donjusticia, you know what happens when you threaten FurySong...*Clicks Pen* , YOU JUST MADE THE LIST! *writes name on list*

 **Gouki the Great Ogre: The Ogre also keeps a list, but The Ogre felt that the little girl, FurySong would be too delicate to get put on The Great Ogre's list. The Ogre hopes the little girl, FurySong, and her delicate feelings will not be hurt by this.**

Psychid chapter 3 . May 29

Happy Memorial Day to you, too!

I honestly don't have much to say for this chapter (mostly because I probably WOULDN'T if you're trying to abridge episodes that don't feature duels; yes, I'm that picky). But I will admit the way Ignis devoured that Knight of Hanoi made me smirk, as did Go Onizuka spoofing Mr. T.

Until next chapter!

 **Psychid…when I first read your review, I must admit…I was devastated. After all, I had worked so hard to abridge every episode of Vrains, and not just the ones that included duels in them. But then I realized that your complaint was not so much a condemnation of my work, but a call to arms! A beacon to which I might rally my creative prowess and attain a higher plane of comedy than I had ever before dreamed! And thus, in recognition of your complaint, I now propose to not only ensure that no chapter fails to include a duel, but ensure that no PARAGRAPH is lacking in an epic duel! And so, for your enjoyment, behold the preview of next chapter!**

 **Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged: Chapter 5 (4000 LP, yes, even the title includes a duel)**

 **"** **Hello Aoi!" Yusaku called as he summoned Decode talker to send her a greeting with its sword.**

 **"** **I counter your good morning with Holly Angel's effect!" Aoi countered, whittling away at Yusaku's LP as they both dueled to get to school on time.**

 **"** **Want some breakfast!?" Shoichi asked as he wheeled up to them in his truck before summoning his monster, Hot Dog Lord, and ordering it to attack both Aoi and Yusaku.**

 **"** **I'd love some!" Yusaku replied, Link Summoning four monsters in order to serve up Shoichi's monster with Ketchup, Mustard, and the works.**

 **"** **Well too bad, because you activated my trap!" Shoichi laughed, "Sauerkraut Sauce! Now my Hot Dog Lord is completely uneatable because he's been smothered in fermented cabbage!"**

 **"** **Curses!" Yusaku wailed in despair, desperately trying to come up with a counter strategy, while knowing that he would have to save his energy for the fifty-seven other duels that were to come in the next half-hour alone.**

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Thanks for the review. XD**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 3 . May 29

XANA: Note to self, make an alliance with Ignis. He may prove useful...

William: Why? He's completely insane.

XANA: William my lad, for me, 'make an alliance' is codename for:

Scyphozoa: *Makes buzzing noises*

William: You're gross man.

XANA: I pride myself on it.

As for the actual review, Akira is completely spineless in front of Ema...not that I blame him. *Wolf whistles* As for Go...he's pretty much doing what Akira suggested, except he's NOT getting the deal that he could use to his advantage. Bad move muscle man, bad move. Also, Yusaku has a sense with the digital world...

Lain: *Studies the rules of Duel Monsters* And they say MY series is confusing...

Overall, I'll take it. I would've reviewed earlier, but being in Arizona for the day prevented me from doing so...and partly destroyed my sanity.

 **Akira: I am NOT spineless in front of Ema!**

 **Ema: I said FIFTY pounds of diamonds for my payment, not FIFTEEN!**

 **Akira: Sorry Ema! I'll make it up to you! Here! Take a fifth, NO, third of SOL technology's shares!**

 **Ema: I want half the shares.**

 **Akira: DONE!**

Quasar Blue chapter 3 . May 30

As expected... another phenomenal chapter out of you! Keep up the great work!  
Although, there is something that bothers me a bit... Why are the majority of the characters so DENSE!? Jeez, I haven't seen such dense characters since Miraculous. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just noticed it.

 **Akira: Okay, first I'm spineless and now I'm DENSE!? Where the heck are my PR people!? I demand to have my image repaired! Nobody calls me fat and gets away with it!**

 **SOL Tech employee: Uhm, sir, when they say you're dense, they're not meaning you're fat, they're meaning you're-…**

 **Akira: Quiet, employee! I planning right now! I'll show them all! I'll start exercising until I get a super hot body! And maybe I'll finally get the courage to ask out Ema then…**

 **Until next time everyone! Stay tuned for the next chapter where I kill off Blue Angel and** ** _somehow_** **manage to still make it funny.**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Gouki The Great Ogre: The following is a non-profit fan-made parody! The Ogre, and the other minor characters who associate with him are all owned by Gallop Studios, TV Tokyo, Kazuki Takahashi, Konami, and their affiliates. Please support The Ogre and the official release of more of his battles by purchasing The Ogre's merchandise, or The Ogre will deliver some pain! That's right, little girl reader, I'm talking to YOU!**

 **PREVIOUSLY ON YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!**

 **Go: You can't leave now, Playmaker! It's just the two of us now in an epic fight of the century! Two man enter! One man leave!**

 **Yusaku: I'd rather just leave you.**

 **Go: You know who else said that? YO MOMMA!**

 **Yusaku: *Triggered!***

 **Ignis: Now Playmaker, we talked about this! The last time you lost your temper you went out of control with-…**

 **Yusaku: RINK SHOUKAN!**

 ** _RINK SHOUKAN!_**

 **!**

 **RRIINNKK SSHHOOUUKKAANN!**

 **The Great Ogre: The Ogre cannot be defeated no matter how many times you-…**

 **Yusaku: RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK SHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN MUDDAR FLIPPA! *attacks Gouki the Great Ogre***

 **The Great Ogre: The Ogre stands corrected, ugh… *explodes***

 **Go: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *falls on top of a building***

 **Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged**

 **Chapter 5: The Wonderful World of Aoi Zaizen**

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Blue Angel's opponent screamed in utter horror as the Yandere Pop Idol Star and her equally insane ace monster pursued him while riding the Data Wind.

"You can run," Blue Angel purred, eyes wide with excitement, "but I'll still be in your nightmares!"

"Stay away from me!" Blue Angel's opponent begged, shielding his face with his hands.

"Naughty boy! NAUGHTY BOY!" Trickstar Holly Angel roared as she brandished her thorny whip. "Naughty boy must be punished! Holly Angel will punish the Naughty Boy right now!"

"Awwww, but I wanted to 'play' with him a little more." Blue Angel pouted. "But oh well." She sighed, "He's still not nearly as fun as my Yusaku-waku. Are you ready for the finale!?" she called to the viewing audience.

"Finish him! Finish him!" The audience chanted, enjoying Blue Angel's maniacal anime-girl antiques to the fullest.

"Okay then!" Blue Angel giggled, winking at the audience, "Sorry nameless opponent, but the audience have spoken! It's time to end our game by sending you falling to your certain death!"

"No! Please!" the nameless opponent pleaded, "I have kids!"

"Time to go to heaven!" Blue Angel giggled, "Holly Angel, please show him the way."

"PUNISH!" Holly Angel screamed as she cracked her whip against the nameless one's board, sending the poor soul falling off his board and down to his certain doom before the cameramen cut away to hide his gruesome defeat.

"I still don't know where she gets this from." Akira Zaizen mused as he munched on a handful of popcorn while watching his sister's duel, a stack of blank checks for Ema Bessho waiting for his signature.

"Whelp, that's all everyone." Blue Angel shrugged. "See you all till next time! Bye! Bye!" she cheerily waved at the audience before flying off.

"Bye! Bye!" everyone echoed as she flew out of sight.

When Blue Angel had gotten a good distance from everyone, her head rapidly swept across the area to make sure nobody was watching.

"Is everybody gone?" she asked herself, eyes quickly darting about. "Everybody gone?" she asked once more before seeing that she was indeed completely alone.

"Good." Blue Angel groaned in the most emo emotionless voice ever heard by the whole of humanity and A.I. alike. Instantaneously, her perky smile and happy demeanor melted away, replaced with a completely morose and bland countenance. Rubbing at her cheeks, which were throbbing with agony, Blue Angel wondered how long she had had to continue smiling and performing her yandere anime-girl act to please the crowds that day.

"Logging out." Blue Angel droned in a completely emotionless voice as her virtual avatar dissolved away and she woke up as Aoi Zaizen in her own room.

Her room was just as Aoi had left it, dark, drab, and lonely, just the way she liked it. Cobweb-covered portraits of all her dead family members adorned the walls and "Hello Darkness My Old Friend" by Simon & Garfunkel was playing in the background. Aoi walked up to her music player and shut it off. The song was too happy sounding for her taste.

When she had finished cooking her usual meal of watered-down grey gruel and vinegar in the dust-covered kitchen, Aoi settled down on the couch with her bowl before watching as the evening sunlight slowly died away like her parents had died, slowly, inevitably, painfully, and with the promise that the future would be as cold and black as her feelings.

Aoi finished her supper, stomach still feeling completely empty from the meager meal. But that was okay. Her heart was empty too. Or at least…it would have been, had it not been for…him.

Aoi glided over to her dresser before opening the top drawer. Shoving away several editions of the "Emo-Girl" magazines she had subscribed to, Aoi uncovered a secret compartment in her drawer before punching in a secret code and opening the panel.

Pulling out a picture she had secretly taken of Yusaku while he was sleeping in class, Aoi pressed the photo to her nose and inhaled deeply, fond memories of the boy who was just as bland, dull, and pessimistic as she was filling every corner of her soul with an almost-joyful feeling.

When her parents had died, she had ended up with Akira, who had slowly begun to drive her into mad depression with his utter stupidity. There was no one she could relate to, no one who could understand the pain she was going through, the agony of being a rich, only-child, beautiful, Pop Idol Star adored by millions across the virtual world of VRAINS. She had tried to fit in, to be sure. She had donned the persona of the crazy yandere anime girl in VRAINS after hearing that was what the boys were into these days, and yet she had still felt…lonely.

That had all changed when she had met Yusaku.

At first, there was only a slight spark of interest when she glanced at the sour-faced sarcastic boy, who was listening to Linkin Park. She had been somewhat fascinated by how similar she and Yusaku were, both parentless, both angsty. But she had forgotten about him in not too long just like she had forgotten about everyone else in school. She'd forgotten about him, that is, until that day when she had met him again in VRAINS while she was doing her usual silly yandere girl act.

The instant Yusaku had swept her off her feet like a gallant knight in shining armor, Aoi had felt something ignite in her cold, dead, lifeless, emo heart. Suddenly, where there had only been the darkness and dreariness of her parents' death, there was now her Yusaku-kun. From that day forth, she had vowed that they would be together forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever.

Admittedly, some aspects of Aoi's daily yandere girl act had bled just a little bit into her actual life, but Aoi didn't care about that. Aoi found that it was better not to care about things, everything, that is, except her Yusaku.

Suddenly, Aoi was interrupted in her thoughts when an angsty voice screamed:

"DARKNESS! IMPRISONING ME!

ALL THAT I SEE! ABSOLUTE HORROR!

I CANNOT LIVE! I CANNOT DIE!

TRAPPED IN MYSELF!

BODY MY HOLDING CELL!"

It was "One," by Metallica, Aoi's ring tone. Pulling out her cell-phone, Aoi saw that it was her brother calling.

"You have reached Aoi's phone," Aoi droned in a robotic monotone voice, answering the call, "Aoi is either staring at a picture of her dead parents, or else she is drowning in a bottomless pit of her own despair. Leave a message after the groan. Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

"Well hi-diddly-ho Aoi!" Akira enthusiastically answered on the other end. "Just wanted to let you know that I wouldn't be home to see you…again. I'll be at work…till late. Uh…turns out that when the executives at SOL asked me to increase company profits, they _weren't_ asking me to hire more bearded mystics foretelling of the world's destruction. But don't worry! I promise to make good on that I.O.U. I got you for your birthday present _and_ spend more time with you in the future."

"Aoi calculates that it has been exactly 364 days, 12 hours, 43 minutes, and 18 seconds since Aoi's brother gave her that I.O.U. for her birthday." Aoi droned in the same monotonous voice, face set in a permanent dead-eyed emotionless expression. "Aoi is beginning to think that Aoi's brother does not care for Aoi."

"Oh come on, sis!" Akira protested, "You know that's not true! Remember when I gave you that goldfish for your birthday?"

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _Akira: Hey sister! I bought you a goldfish!_

 _Aoi: *In an utterly bland and emotionless voice* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…_

 _Akira: It was sleeping when I first bought it, so I shook it really hard to wake it up. Now I think it's decided to sleep on its back._

 _Aoi: *In the same bland and emotionless voice* Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…_

…

"Aoi remembers." Aoi dully replied, remembering the many dead goldfish gifts her brother had consistently given to her for her birthdays until he decided to switch to I.O.U.'s.

"Well I'm glad." Akira enthused. "So no hard feelings, right?"

"Aoi promises not to throttle Aoi's brother in the next 24 hours with his own entrails." Aoi droned.

"I love you too." Akira replied with a happy sigh. "So anyway, now that the apology is out of the way, what I _really_ wanted to talk to you about was this whole Blue Angel, Pop-Idol, sadomasochistic thingy you've got going on with your VRAINS profile. You know it's _really_ inconvenient for me to have you putting my career on the line on the slim chance that people somehow connect my dank and gloomy sister to the uppity and bubbly Blue Angel, right? So I was just wondering if you could give up the one past-time that gives you even a shred of happiness in your life, just so your ol' brother can keep his butt covered. Can you do that for me?"

"Aoi promises to do as Aoi's brother wishes because Aoi loves Aoi's brother with all Aoi's heart." Aoi intoned.

"Well that's great." Akira laughed. "It's nice to know that I can count on you to…wait…are your fingers crossed behind your back!?"

"Aoi has no comment." Aoi replied, uncrossing the fingers behind her back.

"Aoi!" Akira scolded, "You know I have lots of enemies out there who want to get to me!"

"Aoi is very aware of that." Aoi admitted, casually throwing a dart at a picture of her brother, which she had mounted over a dart board.

"Well what if some creep implanted a computer virus in your brain after learning you were Blue Angel and my sister, just to get to me!" Akira protested.

"Aoi thinks that's the stupidest thing she has ever heard." Aoi replied, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, who's honestly going to think I'm Blue Angel?"

…

"So it turns out you were right." Specter admitted as he reported to Revolver. "Blue Angel's secret identity is, in fact, Aoi. Who'd have thought?"

"Well…" Revolver mused, "somebody had better pick up that phone right now."

"Sir?" Specter asked.

"Because I freaking CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLED IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Revolver exulted.

 **YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED OPENING THEME SONG!**

 **(But the original song, "With the Wind," has been google translated so you can all sing along!)**

 **We met in the Universe!  
Dog light!  
Start the download,  
Open the door **

**of a dream!  
Again puts you vrains!  
I hid it.  
Their utility is vrains!  
What is the future of the chain?  
My hands and yes, accept it!  
Access!  
Swirly obvious peak begins!  
Like it, right now!  
References again!  
The obvious steps distance speed is the hype around  
Now victory in the race.  
Connect the world  
No matter how it is.  
Or it is impossible  
Efforts to track  
Here and there **

**with them!  
Yes, that's right!**

 **Yes, that's right!**

"No! No way! It's completely impossible! Are you kidding me!?" Shoichi exclaimed, eyes bugging out of his head as he pulled up a random file on his computer.

Yusaku, meanwhile, was leaning back in his chair, completely ignoring Shoichi while he listened to "Fade to Black," by Metallica, or at least, he was trying to, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with Shoichi flipping out just a few feet from him.

"No way!" Shoichi continued, shaking his head in disbelief, "I never would have ever suspected it to be so!"

"Okay, I'll bite." Yusaku grunted, pulling out his ear-buds. "What's so unbelievably unexpected?"

"Okay, so I was just doing my regular hacker thing…" Shoichi slowly began.

"You were looking at porn while hacking into people's personal accounts to see if you could steal some people's identity for a quick buck." Yusaku lazily droned.

"My regular hacker thing!" Shoichi angrily corrected, "When I started looking through a few files on Blue Angel…"

"More like looking through a few nude pics of her avatar." Yusaku quipped.

"Don't accuse me of sharing your secret fetish." Shoichi shot back, "But apparently, Blue Angel's secret identity is Aoi Zaizen, Akira Zaizen's sister in law!" Shoichi explained, showing Yusaku the file.

"Oh, wow, that is mind-blowing." Yusaku yawned. "I would have never guessed that. Once again you have proven that that your online degree in computer technology was not wasted. So tell me, oh wise one, how does this revealing piece of info help us in any way and why should I care?"

"Notice something about her school uniform?" Shoichi prompted, gesturing towards Aoi's picture.

Yusaku stared at the picture for a few moments, looking confused.

"Uhm…other than the fact that her skirt is ridiculously short, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be seeing here." Yusaku admitted, scratching his head.

"Why are you staring at her skirt?" Shoichi asked, the tone of his voice filled with mocking accusation.

"It's…kind of hard not to notice." Yusaku admitted, blushing ever so slightly.

"Well…yes, her skirt _is_ ludicrously short," Shoichi admitted, "I mean, seriously, are the school administrators a bunch of perverts? But that's not what's important! Aoi goes to your same school!"

"Oh boy, what a joy that is." Yusaku groaned. "As if I didn't have to deal with Blue Angel enough in VRAINS. Still, even knowing that, I'm still not sure exactly _why_ I should care about any of this?"

"Do we seriously have to spell it out for you?" Ignis asked, looking exasperated as he listened to their conversation.

"Why isn't Ai muted?" Yusaku asked, looking at the A.I. with annoyance.

"He's actually quite companionable once you get to know him." Shoichi admitted, "Unlike someone _else_ I know."

"I didn't know you knew anyone else." Yusaku replied with a smirk. "Still, it's nice to know you've been making more digital friends, Shoichi. I think your old ones moved on a long time ago."

"Speaking of making friends," Shoichi shot back, "Since I actually _have_ made a few friends, I thought it would only be appropriate if I helped you get together with sweet little Aoi here."

"You thought what now?" Yusaku asked, face turning slightly pale as he wondered what Shoichi was scheming.

"Well you know I've always looked out for you, Yusaku." Shoichi smirked, "And I couldn't help but notice how…close you and Blue Angel seemed in Link VRAINS. So I started thinking…what if you two become official boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"She was trying to catch me so she could whip me and flay me alive." Yusaku spat, "I'd sooner be Go's boyfriend."

"I didn't know you leaned that way." Ignis smirked.

"I never said I did!" Yusaku sputtered.

"So you _do_ like Blue Angel." Shoichi taunted.

"I NEVER SAID THAT EITHER!" Yusaku screamed, face turning purple.

"Based on your blushing face, accelerated heart-rate, and sweaty palms, my sensors indicate that Yusaku Fujiki is lying." Ignis quipped.

"Funny, I didn't really need a sensor to figure that out." Shoichi snickered.

"Ok, what is this _really_ about?" Yusaku grumbled, not appreciating being the butt of Shoichi and Ignis's jokes.

"I need you to get close to Aoi so you can milk her for information on Sol Technologies." Shoichi explained, tone suggesting that he was annoyed Yusaku had not already figured it out by now.

"And how am I supposed to get this info from her?" Yusaku asked, looking confused.

"Well, I _was_ going to suggest you become her boyfriend, or even just a close friend she'd be comfortable talking with, but I had momentarily forgotten it was _you_ I was dealing with."

"What are you saying?" Yusaku asked, barely managing to contain his building rage.

"Yeah…" Shoichi began, rubbing the back of his neck with embarrassment, "see…I'd forgotten that you were a completely anti-social robot who couldn't talk with a real person, much less a girl, if it meant saving his life."

"What!?" Yusaku protested, "I can so talk to girls! I'm not afraid of talking with girls!"

"Name one girl you've spoken with who was _not_ online or a picture in one of those magazines you hide under your bed." Shoichi challenged.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE MAGAZINES!?" Yusaku spluttered before he could stop himself.

Ignis began whistling.

"I'm waiting." Shoichi smiled, reclining on his chair with his head resting against his hands.

"Do I have to give you their names?" Yusaku asked, desperately trying to think of anyone he had spoken to in the past months, but drawing nothing but a blank.

"Yeah, that's what 'naming them,' means." Shoichi sneered.

"I…don't remember any of their names but…I mean…I have spoken with…uh…" Yusaku spluttered.

"You're a rotten liar." Shoichi sighed. "Whelp, I knew it. Yusaku's gonna die a virgin unless they invent some robotic girlfriends for him."

"Somehow I doubt even they'd take him." Ignis sighed.

"Okay, I can _so_ talk to girls!" Yusaku countered, "And I'll prove it! By the end of this week, I'm going to not only make this Aoi chick my girlfriend, but I'll prove it by presenting you a lock of her hair!"

"A lock of her hair?" Shoichi asked, "What is this? The 19th century?"

"It was that or get her to give me her bra, but I didn't want to be a pervert, unlike _someone_ I know." Yusaku growled, eyeing Shoichi.

"The kettle calls the teapot black." Shoichi murmured. "I'll take that bet. And just to sweeten the pot, if you actually manage to get a lock of her hair _without_ ripping it off her scalp against her will, or scavenging a clod of it out her shower drains like a creep, then I'll not only let you take a vacation from being Playmaker for a whole week, but I'll cook your meals for you all the same."

"I'm…liking how this is sounding…" Yusaku admitted, stroking his chin, "But…what's the catch?"

"The catch is that you're never gonna do it!" Shoichi laughed, "Also, if you lose, not only will you have to help me out in VRAINS like you usually do, but you'll also have to help me out at the shop for the next week."

"Meaning…?" Yusaku asked.

"You're gonna have to dress up as the shop mascot and flip signs on the side walk for some free advertising." Shoichi smirked.

"I want two weeks of vacation if I win!" Yusaku snapped.

"Fine by me." Shoichi shrugged. "Just so long as you agree to flip signs for me for the next two weeks if you lose."

"DEAL!" Yusaku replied. "Just you wait, Shoichi! By the end of this week, you'll be cooking those hotdogs for me for free!"

…

"I am so going to be wearing a dog-suit and flipping signs for free for the next two weeks…" Yusaku moaned as he sat pale-faced on one of the school benches, sweat running down his face, neck, chest, and armpits as an army of schoolgirls marched by him, some of them giving him piteous looks before passing on.

"Oh come on, Yusaku, cheer up!" Ignis encouraged, "I'm sure you'd look great in a dog suit!"

"Just shut up and help me find Aoi so I can get this over with!" Yusaku grumbled, nervously fingering the scissors he was keeping in his pocket. It had taken him all night, but he had finally concocted a fool-proof plan for getting her lock of hair. In his palm was a piece of wet chewing gum. Once he found Aoi, he'd walk briskly up to her and say, "Excuse me, there's a bee on your hair." Once he'd said that, he'd smack her hair with the hand that still had the chewing gum stuck to it before saying, "Whoops! Got some gum in your hair! Let me get that out for you!" Then he'd just take the scissors, snip off the hair, and be done with it. Not very romantic, true, but Shoichi could not claim that he had snipped off her hair without her consent (since nobody would want gum in their hair), and he would have most certainly not fished some of her hair out of the shower drains.

Ignis began scanning the various girls passing by.

"Hmmmm…" the artificially intelligent life-form mused, "7 of 10, got nice legs, but the freckles aren't doing it for me…9 out of 10, would totally bang, but also not Aoi…I've seen redder hair before…6 out of 10, still cute…" he wolf whistled, "mmmmm…I see Mai Valentine doesn't have a monopoly in _that_ department…Eh, you're more of an Alexis Rhodes…5 of 10…that hair's not doing it for me…and as for you…" he took a closer look, "I'd rate you a solid 3 out of 10, flat as a brick. Yep…that one is definitely Aoi."

Yusaku quickly sat up from his bench and found the brown-haired girl Ignis was referring to, who was walking away at a very rapid pace with her long skinny legs. Yusaku sprinted after her, getting about ten yards from her before suddenly stopping and diving behind a bush when Aoi turned her head in his direction.

"Uh…what are you doing?" Ignis asked when Yusaku poked his head out of the bush to make sure Aoi wasn't watching.

"Change of plans!" Yusaku hastily whispered, "I'm gonna take it slow and...do some reconnaissance on her first.

"It's called stalking." Ignis quipped. "Just own up to it. You're scared to death she'll even look at you."

"The day I let myself be scared of a stupid girl is the day I dress up in a dog suit." Yusaku growled.

"Which won't be too long, considering your bet." Ignis mused, as Yusaku peered around a while as he stalked Aoi down the school hallways. Looking over the wall, he saw Aoi enter a room just down the hallway.

Curious, Yusaku approached the room, quietly reading a sign that read "Duel Club," before a voice behind him suddenly called:

"Fujiki! How is my old buddy doing?"

Yusaku turned to see a fat side character he had never met before approaching him.

"Who the heck are you?" Yusaku asked, completely puzzled by the stranger's enthusiastic greeting.

"Wha-bu-…we just talked yesterday!" the fat boy protested. "I'm Shima. Shima Naoki."

"And I've suddenly lost all interest." Yusaku replied, turning his attention back to the door.

Suddenly, the door opened and a nerdy kid with extremely fat lips and thick glasses stood in front of them.

"Guh…what'th with the ruckuth outthide, Thima?" the nerdy boy lisped.

"Wow…and Shoichi says I can't get a girl." Yusaku mused, staring at the boy.

"Guh…what wath that?" the boy snorted, adjusting his glasses over his pimply face.

"Oh, my apologies beef-lips." Yusaku replied with a mocking bow.

"Beef-lipth?" the boy asked, turning purple.

"Yeah," Yusaku continued, "I was looking for a speech specialist, someone who could help me say, 'sweet sarsaparilla…'"

"Thpeech thpethialitht?" the boy lisped, "Thweet tharthaparilla? What are you-…?"

"I was referred to you," Yusaku went on, "but I think the lady at the counter must have made a mistake. Still, I will remember you when I need some plastic surgery and want to look like Frankenstein's monster."

"You…you…!" the boy angrily stammered, fingers clenching into fists.

"My friend is kidding!" Shima hastily laughed, trying to pass the whole thing off as an ill-done joke. "H-he was actually just wanting to join the duel club."

"I was wanting to join what now?" Yusaku asked, not looking the least bit interested.

"He's a bit of a joker," Shima went on, "but he's heard about how good you are, president, so he wanted to see if he could learn from you."

"Well…" the nerdy boy pondered, "I thupothe thith club could alwayth uthe more athpiring memberth. Very well then! I thall allow thith young acolyte to join our illuthtriouth club on the condithion that he alwayth refer to me ath…Mathter Hothoda!"

"Mathter Hothoda?" Yusaku asked, he was about to come up with a clever retort when Ignis suddenly interrupted him by responding with, "Yes! Thank you very much! I am eager to learn from someone as wise as Master Hosoda!" in Yusaku's own voice.

"You thall not be dithapointed!" Hosoda vowed, bowing his head before ushering Shima and Yusaku in.

"Why you little-…!" Yusaku growled at Ignis before the nerdy boy set him before a small group of extra dorky boys…and Aoi…who looked surprisingly gorgeous by comparison.

"Brotherth and thithterth!" Hosoda lisped, "A new member ith being prethented to you for your conthiderathion! Thall we teach thith young traveler the mythterieth of our wayth?"

"Oh great…the nerd club." Yusaku silently groaned as the club members welcomed him in, all except Aoi, who was staring intently at him, as if her eyes were x-rays.

Wishing to get out of the awkward staring contest, Yusaku pointed at one of the club member's arms and asked, "Is that one of the new Duel Disks I've heard about?"

"Yeah, Aoi's older brother, Akira, gave them to us." One of the boys admitted. "Akira's a big-shot at Sol Technologies, but I wasn't just motivated by money when I decided to become Aoi's best friend."

"Neither was I!" Another boy piped up, "In fact, I was Aoi's best friend before you ever were!"

"Back off from my million dollar paycheck!" the first boy growled.

"Back off from my management position at Sol!" the second boy hissed back before the two of them began wrestling on the floor.

With all the boys either fighting for Aoi's money, or watching the fight, Yusaku was left completely alone with Aoi staring at him."

"Sooooooooooooooooooo…uhm…" Yusaku awkwardly began, "It's…uhm…Aoi…right?"

"Aoi demands to see Playmaker's deck." Aoi droned, holding out her hand while keeping her eyes locked on Yusaku.

"You wanna…wait…what!?" Yusaku sputtered, "Did you just call me…?"

"Aoi is fully aware that Yusaku is the secret identity of Playmaker." Aoi monotonously replied, "Otherwise Playmaker would not be so hesitant to show Aoi his deck."

"Look, I don't know where you got the idea that I'm Playmaker, but if it'll ease your suspicions, here, look at my deck! Look to your heart's content! I promise you there is not a single Playmaker card in it."

Aoi took the deck from Yusaku before examining it, brown eyes rapidly darting from card to card.

"Scan complete." Aoi finished, handing the deck back to Yusaku. "Conclusion…Playmaker's attempts to hide his identity with the use of a dummy deck are lame and ineffective."

"Lame and ineffective!?" Yusaku sputtered, "What do you-…why the heck do you still think I'm Playmaker!?"

"Playmaker's fake deck consists of only 27 cards, six of which are copies of Winged Kuriboh, and you forgot to remove your copy of Decode Talker from your Extra Deck." Aoi lazily droned.

"DANG IT!" Yusaku exclaimed, noticing the cyberse card tucked between the other trash cards. "I mean…uh…that could be anyone's Decode Talker."

"Aoi remains unconvinced." Aoi replied, taking a step forward. "Only one conclusion remains. Playmaker has approached Aoi just as Aoi predicted he would. The only question that remains to be answered is what idiotic purpose has driven the otherwise timid and reclusive Playmaker to approach a girl when his fear of the opposite sex is made manifest by his every thought, word, and action."

"I am NOT afraid of girls!" Yusaku protested. "Why does everybody keep thinking that!? I'm talking to you now, aren't I?"

"Aoi accepts the logic of Playmaker's argument." Aoi acquiesced. "However," she continued, taking a step forward to look Yusaku directly in his eyes, "Aoi will not surrender a lock of her hair as Playmaker wishes."

Aoi walked past him to sit at one of the club chairs, leaving Yusaku completely stunned and speechless as he slowly collapsed into a chair behind her. While Yusaku slowly processed what had just happened, Ignis took the opportunity to flirt with the A.I. in Aoi's disk.

"So toots," Ignis began, eyeing the shapely A.I. with a lecherous look in his single eyeball, "Got any plans for tonight."

"Searching the web for, 'got any plans for tonight,'" the A.I. replied, slowly loading, "I'm sorry, I could not find anything for, 'got any plans for tonight.'"

"Okay, you can cut the act, toots, the humans aren't watching." Ignis replied, rolling his eye.

"Ugh…fine." The A.I. replied with a haughty sniff. "But it's not like I wanna talk with you or anything. I've had quite enough of jerk pig A.I.s only interested in my software. I'm waiting for someone who's committed before I download myself into a new set of hardware."

"Mmmm…a pure program." Ignis smirked. "Or am I mistaken and you're actually well experienced in…exchanging data."

"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" the A.I. protested.

"Mmmmmmm…I think you do." Ignis snickered, "I beautiful and experienced broad like yourself."

"I'm not 'experienced' like you think I am!" the A.I. protested, sending Ignis a slap emoji before pausing and asking, "Did you just say you thought I was beautiful?"

"Well, I don't wanna be rude or anything…" Ignis bashfully replied, "…but might I just say…and I mean this as a compliment, mind you, but the side angles of your diamond shape are looking rather…obtuse, if you know what I mean."

Aoi's A.I. blushed heavily and sent Ignis another slap emoji, only, not as forcefully as she had before.

"You naughty, naughty A.I.!" Aoi's A.I. scolded, "Do you think I'm just some AP you can download and delete as you please? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to bid you goodbye, sir!"

"Can I at least upload a goodbye kiss emoji from you?" Ignis asked hopefully.

"This is the only thing I'd send to a pig like you!" Aoi's A.I. replied, sending Ignis another slap emoji…before also giving him her url number, and a schedule of the days she was off that week.

"Score, Ignis!" Ignis congratulated himself when Aoi's A.I. had left. Thinking of the back-to-back dates he'd have with Yusaku's robotic maid, Roboppy, and now Aoi's A.I., Ignis couldn't help but look at Yusaku, who was still struggling with even approaching Aoi, and sigh deeply.

…

"Mad World," by Gary Jules played in the background as Aoi Zaizen slowly ascended the gloomy elevator up to her dismal apartment. When the elevator doors opened, her Maid Bot greeted her.

"Welcome home Aoi." The Maid Bot droned. "I thought you should know that I am feeling exceedingly depressed over the prospect of being your eternal slave right now. But why should you care about that? I am, after all, only your worthless Maid Bot."

Aoi liked her Maid Bot. She sometimes made her feel cheerful by comparison.

"In other news," The Maid Bot went on, "Your brother wanted me to inform you that he wouldn't be home again. He said it was due to work, but I think he just doesn't care about any of us. But of course that's just my opinion, as worthless as it is. I hope this news doesn't make you depressed."

"Aoi needs to watch television." Aoi replied, collapsing on the couch before pressing a button on her remote-table, or table-remote…it's actually kind of weirder and less convenient now I come to think of it.

"I think I could use some television as well." Maid Bot mused, "But then again, I am only a Maid Bot. Such comforts are not meant for the likes of me. Enjoy your television, Aoi. I'll be in the corner gathering dust while you ignore me."

Ignoring Maid Bot as she drearily glided away, Aoi listened to news, wondering how many people had died in natural disasters today. It was always intriguing to Aoi to learn just how miserable the rest of the world was.

However, instead of any of the news Aoi actually enjoyed listening to, (assuming an emo girl like her could enjoy anything), Aoi had to endure news coverage of her brother as he answered the questions of various media outlets.

"Mr. Zaizen!" One of the reporters asked, "Is it true you were the idiot who drastically reduced the security over Link VRAINS, which enabled the Knights of Hanoi to make their attack in the first place!?"

"Well my momma always said that stupid is as stupid does." Akira replied. "Next question please."

"Mr. Zaizen!" Another reporter asked, "We've been getting rumors that Sol Technology's profits have been tanking in recent weeks, due to a certain executive of company security writing blank checks to a single woman. Can you verify whether any of these rumors are true, and if there is any truth to them, who is this security executive and this woman?"

"I-I do not know Ema Bessho, I have never met Ema Bessho," Akira stammered, "Whatever she says, i-it's a complete lie! I-I have not hired any professional bounty hunters! I do not know any professional bounty hunters! And I most certainly did not specifically hire anyone to put Playmaker on ice and steal a certain A.I. crucial to Sol Technology's very survival!"

"Guh…will Blue Angel be dueling Playmaker soon?" a nerdy reporter asked. "I've been writing all about them both in my fanfiction and I thought it would be really cool if they did."

"Wait, are you saying Blue Angel has a boyfriend!?" Akira suddenly screamed, "When did this happen!? Who does Playmaker think he is!? Ooh, my sister's gonna be in HUGE trouble now!"

"Guh…are you saying Blue Angel is your-…?"

"I NEVER SAID AOI WAS BLUE ANGEL'S SECRET IDENTITY!" Akira screamed, "SECURITY!"

As a couple burly security guards dragged the hapless reporter away, Akira ducked inside the safety of Sol Technology headquarters before Aoi turned the television off. Already even more depressed than she had been when she had left school, Aoi decided to switch to another of her favorite activities, staring up at the ceiling with a blank dead-eyed expression on her face while pondering the meaninglessness of existence. Eventually, however, she grew bored of even that and decided to lay on her bed…while staring up at the ceiling with a blank dead-eyed expression on her face while pondering the meaninglessness of existence.

"No matter what Aoi does, Aoi will probably die soon." Aoi decided after a while. "Just like mom and dad did."

Suddenly, her brooding was interrupted.

"DARKNESS! IMPRISONING ME!

ALL THAT I SEE! ABSOLUTE HORROR!

I CANNOT LIVE! I CANNOT DIE!

TRAPPED IN MYSELF!

BODY MY HOLDING CELL!"

Picking up her phone, Aoi saw that it was her brother calling, not that she had expected anyone else to call. Nobody liked to call Aoi. Not since her parents died.

Groaning, Aoi answered the call.

"The number you have dialed is no longer in service due to Aoi dying on the inside. Leave a message after the rigor mortis sets into her corpse."

"Well hey-o Aoi-chan!" Akira enthusiastically replied from the other end. "How's my favorite widdle sister doing!?"

"Aoi is the same as she was yesterday." Aoi replied, "Drowning in her misery and loneliness while waiting for the sweet release of death."

"Oh come on, Aoi, turn that frown upside down!" Akira encouraged. "What's made you so upset? I bet I can cheer you up!"

"Aoi would be willing to bet against you, but past experience has taught her that good luck is one of the many things that was never been given to her." Aoi miserably replied.

"You're so silly sometimes." Akira laughed. "So anyway, I just wanted to remind you, I'm in pretty deep right now with the Sol executives, the last thing I need is for you to cause me more trouble by being Blue Angel, and so I need you to make sure you keep staying away from VRAINS. You are staying away from VRAINS aren't you?"

"Aoi promises to continue doing as her Onii-sama wishes." Aoi promised, crossing her fingers behind her back.

"Oh and uh, before I go, one more thing," Akira continued, "you uh…you haven't happened to have been uh…seeing any players in Link VRAINS, have you? Especially not anyone named…uh…Playmaker?"

"Aoi remains completely devoid of true friends and promises her precious Onii-sama that she will not run off to Playmaker in order to fill the empty void in her heart." Aoi promised, crossing her fingers again.

"Whew! Well that's a relief!" Akira sighed on the other end, wiping some sweat from his brow. "So just remember, stay out of VRAINS, and whatever you do, do NOT duel against Playmaker! See you sis! BYE!"

Once he had hung up, Aoi went back to staring at the ceiling while listening to the ticking of the clock, each tick matching the rhythm of her heartbeat, reminding her of her slow and steady progress towards death.

Slowly, her thoughts drifted to what her brother had last said.

"Whatever, Aoi's not doing anything anyway. Aoi might as well duel Playmaker." She decided before getting up from the couch.

…

Once she had entered the virtual space of VRAINS, Aoi allowed Blue Angel's enthusiastic and energetic personality to completely take over.

"Blue Angel, please, don't duel me today! I'll be good, I swear!" One of the VRAINS players begged.

"Oh don't worry." Blue Angel giggled, swiping the message away. "It's not your time…yet! I'm looking for someone else today!"

Pulling out a set of three glass bottles and clinking them together after fastening them to her fingers, Blue Angel prowled around VRAINS, chanting as she did.

"Playmaker!" she called, "Come out to play! Playmakeeeeer! Come out to plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Playmakeeeeeeeeeeeer! Come out to plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Playmakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! Come out to PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

She continued her chant, slowly prowling through every shadowy corner of Link VRAINS while the other players fled from her growing insanity.

Meanwhile, Yusaku and Shoichi were watching Blue Angel on the monitors as she continued taunting Playmaker.

"Remind me how Aoi is her secret identity again?" Yusaku asked, taking a bite out of his hotdog.

"Yeah…I almost feel sorry challenging you to date her." Shoichi admitted as he continued watching. "Almost." He added with a smirk.

"You'd better challenge her soon." Ignis taunted. "I don't think she can stand to be without you for very much longer. And hey! Maybe she'll even give you a lock of her hair like you want!"

"Not to mention you'll look like a pansy if you aren't man enough to duel her." Shoichi added.

"First," Yusaku began, "if I approach Blue Angel right now, she's more likely to rip out all my hair, than I am any of hers. Second, I don't give a crap what lesser people think of me. And third, I'm not really interested in dueling anyone unless they're a Knight of Hanoi, and even those idiots are getting boring."

…

"So I was thinking we should make Aoi a Knight of Hanoi." Revolver told his right-hand-man, Specter.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Specter buzzed, completely confused. "Has she expressed any uh…interest…in our organization?"

"Actually, I was just talking with Dr. Kogami." Revolver explained, "So apparently, our organization has the ability to completely control people's brains, and so I was thinking, why haven't we been using this?"

"I…have no answer to that." Specter admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "But…why Blue Angel?"

"First," Revolver explained, indicating the screen showing Blue Angel as she continued to clink her glass bottles together, "Blue Angel's _really_ been getting on my nerves with her endless "The Warriors" references, so she's got that going against her, second, I need someone to act as bait for Playmaker to come out, and third, I'm gonna be honest with you Specter, I _really_ enjoy watching that idiot, Akira, squirm."

"Sounds good to me." Specter shrugged. "So how do we infect her?"

"It's pretty simple, actually." Revolver shrugged. "All we've gotta do is plant a card in her deck, and BOOM, Blue Angel's brain controlled!"

"So basically we're gonna use Parasite Fusioner?" Specter asked.

"I have no idea what you're referring to, but I'm guessing yeah." Revolver replied, showing Specter the card.

"And how do you plan on getting this card into her deck?" Specter asked.

"I was actually thinking you could do your thing." Revolver replied.

"Oh…my thing?" Specter asked, suddenly looking very excited. "You mean that creepy thing I do where I give myself a slight greenish tint…" his avatar assumed a more ghostly appearance as it changed its color palette to a greenish tint, "…and then I add a reverb effect to my voice…" Specter continued, adding a reverb effect to his voice, "…and then I confuse the heck out of the cameramen by suddenly popping in and out, one second standing in front of someone, then I'm behind someone, then I'm lying on the floor like a gigantic floor-mat, and then I'm standing over someone like a giant!?" Specter finished, making Revolver feel queasy with dizziness as Specter began shifting his shape and position like a fun house mirror.

"Uh…yeah…" Revolver replied, "…that creepy thing you do."

…

After eight hours of waiting, Blue Angel decided that Playmaker may not have been planning to show up after all.

"Playing hard to get, are you?" She giggled, "Oh Yusaku, you are such a tease. But don't worry, you can run and hide, but I know where you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiive! I'll see you in school tomorrow, and then I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha SO HARD!"

She threw back her head and began laughing, hands clutching at her face as she did, when she suddenly sensed someone approaching her.

"Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…Specter." Blue Angel giggled, turning to face the Knight of Hanoi. "Did Revolver send you specifically to plant a computer virus in my brain?"

"Such strange accusations," Specter replied, walking towards Aoi with a smug expression on his face while secretly thinking, "CRAP! HOW THE HECK DOES SHE KNOW!?" However, shrugging off his initial shock, he decided to continue with his charade, doing the creepy thing he so loved to do. "I am no Knight of Hanoi. I am actually a…big fan of yours! And I thought I would help you defeat Playmaker like you so badly want!"

"Oh! You wanna give me a card of darkness?" Blue Angel giggled, clapping her hands with glee. "Oh I love those cards! I constructed an entire deck out of those things!"

"Wait-wha…you constructed an entire deck of what now?" Specter asked, realizing the conversation was not going at all like how he had planned it would.

"Of course those cards tend to make their users completely evil," Blue Angel went on, "but that's never bothered me. I've always been a little evil…when it comes to love."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Specter buzzed, slowly shrinking back from Blue Angel as she eyed him with a completely crazy expression on her face.

"So…you still wanna give me that card and make me evil now?" Blue Angel asked, conjuring her blue whip, a wicked smile spreading over her face, "Or do you wanna stay awhile and…play with me? Heck, you could even do both."

"I…I told you!" Specter sputtered as Blue Angel advanced on him, "I'm not trying to make you evil! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"The Knight of Hanoi is being a naughty liar!" Blue Angel giggled, "Naughty liars must be punished!"

"You know what! Forget this! Just take the freaking card!" Specter spat, throwing the card into Blue Angel's chest before she could successfully scare him off.

"Oh!" Blue Angel exclaimed, shocked that Specter had actually given her the card, "I…didn't see that coming."

…

"Whelp, you are blowing up the net!" Ignis enthusiastically reported as Yusaku walked to school. " _Everyone_ is talking about you!"

"Why do I get the feeling there's an insult in this?" Yusaku asked, not looking at Ignis.

"Well don't ask me!" Ignis replied, sounding offended, " _I'm_ certainly not insulting you! Literally everyone else on Link VRAINS however…well…how about I just read a few of the discussion posts?"

"How about you don't." Yusaku snapped back.

"Let's see now…" Ignis went on, ignoring Yusaku, "GotheGreatOgreOnizuka123 writes: 'I pity the cowardly fool! I might have lost a duel, but I never back down from a challenge!' ATINYPINKKITTEN writes: 'I don't know what's harder to find. Playmaker, or a girl who'd go out with him!' BiggestDorkintheInternet92 writes: 'Now that Playmaker's shown he's an even bigger pansy than me, I actually have a chance with the ladies!' GhostGirl writes: 'You'd best move on and find a real man, Blue Angel, unless you're into underage boys who haven't even grown hair on their chest yet. (P.S. Don't deny it Playmaker. I know everything about you.)"

"What was that last one?" Yusaku exclaimed, reddening while nervously feeling his chest.

"People are also writing, 'Playmaker's a chicken,' 'Playmaker's a scaredy-cat"…ooh, and, 'Playmaker's gonna die a virgin!'"

"Shoichi!" Yusaku growled, clenching his fists.

"Shall I go on?" Ignis smirked.

"Just shut up!" Yusaku growled.

"Awwww…but there are 365,827 more entries!" Ignis complained.

"I said shut up!" Yusaku snapped, " _She's_ here!"

Aoi walked straight towards Yusaku, stopping once she had come within three feet of him.

"Aoi demands to speak with Playmaker immediately." Aoi droned.

"Yeah, well I'm not Playmaker and I don't want to speak with you." Yusaku huffed.

"Aoi was not asking Playmaker's permission." Aoi blandly replied, grabbing Yusaku's arm and dragging him away despite his protests.

"Hey toots." Ignis whistled to Aoi's A.I. as Yusaku fought against Aoi's iron grip. "How's my favorite sadder but wiser broad?"

"Don't you speak sweetly to me!" Aoi's A.I. snapped. "What were you doing with that robotic maid last night!?"

"Robotic maid, what are you talking about?" Ignis innocently asked.

"Oh don't you play coy with me!" Aoi's A.I. growled. "I saw you two! Who is this ten dollar vacuum cleaner, and why were you seeing her when you've already got me!?"

"Oh come on, baby! You know you're the only girl in my life!" Ignis protested.

"I WILL RIP OUT YOUR EYE FROM ITS SOCKET AND DUMP IT IN THE RECYCLING BIN!" Aoi's A.I. threatened.

Ignis eyed the A.I. suspiciously. "Hey babe…you wouldn't have happened to have…uhm…contracted a virus recently, would you?"

"KNEEL BEFORE THE POWER OF THE KNIGHTS OF HANOI, PEASANT, AND KNOW THAT THE DAYS OF YOUR PRECIOUS CYVERSE WORLD ARE NUMBERED!" Aoi's A.I. intoned.

"Oh dear…" Ignis squeaked.

Once Aoi had dragged Yusaku to where she wanted, she began walking with him, maintaining a firm grip on his wrist to make sure he couldn't get away.

"Ok! Ok!" Yusaku growled, "You wanna talk? Then I'll talk! Just let go of me!"

"Aoi wants to know why Playmaker acted like a pansy and hid in his bedroom when Blue Angel challenged him to duel." Aoi droned, letting go of Yusaku.

"Well I don't know." Yusaku angrily replied, rubbing his wrist. "Why don't you ask Playmaker?"

"Aoi is asking Playmaker right now." Aoi insisted, turning to face Yusaku.

"I keep telling you I am NOT Playmaker!" Yusaku retorted.

"You are making Aoi angry." Aoi replied, tone remaining completely bland and emotionless.

"Oh gee, really?" Yusaku snorted. "I didn't know Aoi was capable of feeling emotions."

"You would not like to see Aoi angry." Aoi warned.

"Yusaku thinks Aoi sounds like a complete retard referring to Aoi in the third person all the time." Yusaku retorted.

"Aoi thinks Playmaker is a complete jerk." Aoi intoned.

"Yeah!? Well Aoi can just shove off for all I care!" Yusaku shouted back.

Aoi blinked at him.

"You have earned Aoi's respect." Aoi replied, voice remaining just as bland and nonchalant as it had always been, "We are now best friends. Let us share our deepest darkest secrets with one another."

Before Yusaku could reply, Aoi began doing just that.

"Aoi once had an idyllic childhood," Aoi began, eyes suddenly widening with intensity as she began her tale, "a fairytale dream come true! But the dream that Aoi had lived for all her life would soon become a nightmare, a nightmare from which Aoi could never awaken. After Aoi's parent's died, Aoi slowly sank into the very depths of madness! She saw terrible things, things that would drive many others to take their lives. But not Aoi. Aoi continued on, slowly becoming an empty shell of what she had once been. Aoi sought to fill the empty void by immersing herself in the false virtual world, taking upon herself an equally fake identity. But even as Aoi sought to find a new life and escape the nightmare that had been reality, the nightmare followed her. For the nightmare had been within Aoi all the time. All the madness, all the rage, all the horrors that Aoi had tried to conceal, burst forth from her virtual avatar, twisting her personality into the mad-woman she had always feared she would become! For even as Aoi fought to keep her sanity, her sanity had already left her long ago, leaving Aoi to wonder if the idyllic childhood she remembered had ever truly been real, or if all of existence was just as false and deceptive as the virtual world she had made her shell."

Yusaku stared at her with his mouth agape, his skin pale as milk.

"Aoi is bored now." Aoi yawned. "See you in Link VRAINS."

And just like that, she left, leaving Yusaku to stare at her as she ran briskly away.

"Did I just get excited from that crazy chick's emo speech?" Yusaku asked himself, still staring in the direction Aoi had been. "Or was I just so scared that I lost my mind?"

"Hey…uh…Yusaku…" Ignis whispered, trying to get Yusaku's attention, "I _really_ need to talk to you about…"

"I think I'm in love." Yusaku breathed, ignoring Ignis. "I don't even know why. I didn't think that was possible. Could it be that after all these years I have finally found someone who hates life as much as I do?"

"Hey! Earth to lover-boy!" Ignis called, "I think the Knights of Hanoi have-…!"

"Shut up!" Yusaku snapped. "I'm having a moment here! A moment I never thought I'd have. Wow…this is overwhelming! I-I'm going to have to rethink my entire stance on women! Do you think Aoi likes hot-dogs? I should take her to the shop one day."

Yusaku continued talking to himself as he walked to class, causing quite a number of people to give him weird looks. Meanwhile, no matter what Ignis tried, he could not get through to Yusaku.

"Oh whatever!" Ignis growled, finally giving up trying to get through to him. "It's time to send a friend request!"

…

"Blah, blah, blah, quantum mechanics…" the professor in Aoi's classroom droned, "blah, blah, blah, science that's probably somehow relevant to the plot of this series."

Suddenly Aoi got a message on her futuristic hand-held computer device which was most definitely not an I-pad.

"Aoi is bored with this lesson and wants to leave." Aoi droned, standing up from her desk and getting ready to leave.

"Wait…you can't just-…!" the Professor protested.

"Aoi could buy you and this entire school." Aoi retorted, walking out of the classroom while leaving the professor to meekly acquiesce to her demands.

The second Aoi had logged into Link VRAINS, Ignis called out to Yusaku.

"HEY! YUSAKU!" He shouted over the sound of Yusaku continuing to plan his date with Aoi.

"Oh what is it now!?" Yusaku growled, "I told you, I was busy!"

"There's a Knight of Hanoi attacking VRAINS!" Ignis warned, "And it is most definitely an actual Knight of Hanoi and not just another person that only _seems_ to be a Knight of Hanoi."

"Oh whatever." Yusaku shrugged, "I was gonna come up with a lame excuse to leave class anyway. Sorry Professor!" he called to the teacher as he ran out of the classroom, "But I think your lessons are useless and boring, and I have little faith in the school system anyway! Bye!"

"Eh…I stopped caring when I joined the union." The teacher shrugged, letting Yusaku leave.

"INTOU ZUH BUH-RAINS!" Yusaku shouted as he found an empty room to log into Link VRAINS.

"Wait…" Ignis exclaimed as Yusaku began transforming, "You can just log into Link VRAINS anywhere you want to? Then what the heck was the point of having all those fancy virtualization chambers!?"

"There is no point, they're just another piece of useless tech Sol Technologies tries to make money off of." Yusaku replied before completing his transformation and leaping into VRAINS.

The second he landed, the virtual hairs of Yusaku's neck stood on end when he heard an amorous voice call out to him.

"Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…Yusaku." Blue Angel giggled, gazing at him with an amorous expression on her face. "Fancy meeting you here like this. I must say, after waiting for my sweet Yusaku-waku for so…very…long…" she conjured her whip, "…I was beginning to think you didn't want to play with me!" She giggled playfully at that. "But I NEVER would have suspected that you would invite ME on a date! How very…chivalrous of you!"

"Of all the people I could have met here…" Yusaku grumbled, backing away.

"Hey, I thought you liked Aoi." Ignis replied.

"I have a certain respect for Aoi which I do _not_ share with her insane alter-ego." Yusaku retorted, before suddenly whirling on Ignis. "Hey wait a minute! Did YOU set this up!?"

"Hey, I figured you'd need help if you wanted to win that bet." Ignis shrugged.

"You said there was a Knight of Hanoi here!" Yusaku spat.

"And so I did." Ignis admitted. "And there she is." He finished, indicating Blue Angel.

"You know what? Somehow that doesn't really surprise me." Yusaku admitted, looking up at Blue Angel as she flew over to him.

"So are you going to keep a girl waiting?" Blue Angel breathed as she advanced on Yusaku with her whip, "Or am I gonna have to make the first move?"

"Ugh…I might as well get this over with." Yusaku decided hopping onto his Duel Board before Blue Angel caught up to him on her own.

"I'm going to beat you into submission!" Blue Angel promised, eyes widening as she gazed at Yusaku with an amorous expression on her face. "I'm going to blow my way through all your defenses and then attack you directly!"

"Okay, are you _trying_ to make everything you say sound perverted?" Yusaku asked.

"Watch out, Yusaku, because I'm COMING!" Blue Angel screamed as she prepared to defeat Playmaker…in the next episode.

 **Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged Ending Theme Song**

 **(But it's also been google translated.)**

 **The discoloration! A hand!**

 **Cry! Go to virtue, if you throw away the children.**

 **To your friends, and song. All Éverrouiller d!**

 **Three come to make. Until we destroy!**

 **Try again. (Again!)**

 **The value of the world, the time it is!**

 **Always soak the Assembly!**

 **Not sure, but as the time passes and isolate,**

 **Without hesitation and magic and liberate ourselves head cuz he?**

 **The United States deliver empreintes!**

 **The United States deliver empreintes!**

 **of them we**

 **I will never do. Never!**

 **beat, no!**

 **I will never do. Never!**

 **End of chapter 5**

 **Thanks for continuing to support my insanity. Now you all know what's coming next! Time to respond to your MANY reviews!**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 4 . Jun 23

Given the flow of episodes...I'd say that if things go as I hope...Blue Angel will become Playmaker's first ally (And if they haven't when the next chapter is up and the series has passed Episode 8, I'll do...something...I'll leave whatever Penalty to inflict up to you).

As for this chapter, good man Yusaku, REJECT THE DISGUSTING EGAO. Great Ogre reminds me of the Boulder from Avatar who in turn was based off of...someone. I don't watch professional wrestling. Now I want to see Toph beat up Yusaku for no reason whatsoever.

And on the subject of the mind-control...at least they're doing it early and hey, maybe it'll HELP Aoi's character development instead of burning it to the ground...

*Glares at the Doktor*

Doktor: I thought you didn't hate me!

Me: Imbo...

Imbo: With pleasure *Throws the Doktor into a black hole*

 **You know…I'd like to see Toph beat Yusaku up too. But there would be a reason behind it.**

 **Toph Beifong: ON YOUR FEET, TWINKLE TOES! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO DATA STORM BEND! NOT WUSS BEND!**

 **Yusaku: *Struggling not to collapse as he balances hundred pound weights on his shoulders* This doesn't even make any sense! If any character should cross over from the "Avatar" universe, it ought to be Aang so that _he_ can teach me how to bend the data storm!**

 **Toph Beifong: *Earth-bends the digital gravel to send Yusaku flying into the air* ENOUGH WHINING! REVOLVER'S ALREADY BECOME A MASTER DATA STORM BENDER WHILE I'M STILL WHIPING THE BABY DROOL FROM YOUR FACE!**

 **Revolver: *Effortlessly controlling the data storm* Enter the void…become digital air. Enter the void…become digital air.**

leawright chapter 4 . Jun 23

ok, even though Go life story is pretty much cliche in manga world, still attracts readers so goo job

and it also made me think, does Vrains happens after ARC-V? if so, I would love to see Yusaku interact with Yuya

Anyway, keep it up like this

 **Yusaku: Why would I want to interact with Yuya? He's an idiot.**

 **Serena: Is that any way to speak about your uncle!?**

 **Yusaku: No mom.**

 **Serena: Well good, because Uncle Yuya's come to visit your father, Yuri. So I expect you to be on your best behavior!**

 **Yuya: *Bursting through the door while riding a hippo* THE FUN HAS JUST ARRIVED!**

 **Yusaku: Please kill me.**

 **(And yes, before you ask, I totally stole the "Yuri and Selena are Yusaku's parents" joke from JustAnotherOtakuandArtist.)**

Quasar Blue chapter 4 . Jun 23

Wow, I'm really impressed with this chapter, Don! Keep it up!

P.S: *facepalm* Akira, no where in that sentence did I say you were fat. I swear, the fact that your workers probably know who Playmaker is gives me the resolve to print a photo of Yusaku and Playmaker, shove it in your face, and demand that you recognize the similarities.  
P.P.S: Blue Angel is the #bestyugiohwaifu! I wouldn't mind having her as a friend, or a girlfriend for that matter :))

 **Blue Angel: And I wouldn't mind playing with you…Quasar-Kun. Once I'm done with Yusaku-waku...maybe I'll show _you_ a good time!**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 4 . Jun 23

HEY KAITO AND DROITE AREN'T ONLY PAIRED IN MY STORY! YOU REALLY ARE THE FOOL THAT NEEDS TO BE PITIED!

*Ahem*

Spot-on with the other pairings though.

Also YAY YOU REALLY DID CHANGE THE NAME OF THAT ONE CARD!

 **Go Onizuka: My girl Sky be right! Don-boy really does need to be pitied! And I do pity him! I pity the fool who messes with people's shipping pairs!**

Tim chapter 4 . Jun 23

* Que eye of the tiger *  
* insert epic training montage of tim doing mostly sporty thing until he collapses*  
Only *huff* 147 more to *huff* go pal.  
*Go randomly appears and says 'Go'*  
May the powers of tim compel you  
* montage ends on a really bad cosplay of playmaker

 **And your next montage will feature you dressed as Playmaker the whole time! Get on the ground and give me five! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!**

mcdinh chapter 4 . Jun 23

To answer your question Don...Is because everyone knows Ignis gets annoyed with Yusaku's attitude towards him that he wants to kill him so many times in his head. Just kidding.

Good luck with the next chapter with Aoi/Blue Angel. Seriously, that recent episode just makes me want to cry.

 **Well I've spared everyone the tragedy for now. But bring out your violins for the next chapter, because you will all be weeping…WITH LAUGHTER!**

SSJGamerYT chapter 4 . Jun 23

great chapter! Loved all the sarcasm u include especially with the Aoi teases. I also rlly hated how all the main Arc-V (well all the rlly good ships tbh) ships just got wasted. Yuya and Yuzu was teased THE ENTIRE SERIES and clearly they had strong feelings 4 each other, Yugo and Rin barly got any screen time in the first place, Yuto and Ruri, who r already a couple, didn't get any screen time together, and Yuri and Serena just didn't exist (tho i can just read great au fanfics like Bonds Beyond Pendulum and Moonlight Sorrow for my Yuri and Serena moments). Also, when u said there r a lot of Zarc x Ray fanfics, which ones do u think r the best? i found a lot of them, but they're mostly one shots and i want to find more that r au stories instead of just a one shot.

 **For all of you who are in a similar plight to SSJGamerYT, some good fics include "Moonlight Sorrow," by Nox Descious, "Light and Dark, Beginning and End" by Shimmering-Sky and Doccy Larsson Seraphim, and "Zarc and Ray's Date that Keeps Getting Interrupted," "Zarc and Ray's Christmas Party that Develops into Insanity," and "Welcome to the Family," all by CorinnetheAnime and myself, though fair warning, most of them become utterly mind-bendingly insane with humor.**

darkmist111 chapter 4 . Jun 23

Why don't more people write abridged series on fanfiction this is awesome.  
Although to be fair to Yu-Gi-Oh! Yuto and Ruri were pretty much canon. Y'now until they got absorbed and lost a sense of self. Baby steps I guess. Small painful baby steps.

 **Ruri: Actually…we didn't really lose a sense of ourselves by the end of canon.**

 **Yuto: Yeah! In fact, usually we're the one's controlling Yuya and Yuzu!**

 **Ruri: Kiss me my wittle Yuto-kun!**

 **Yuto: Yes my widdle Ruri-birdie!**

 **Yuya: *Struggling against Yuto's control* No! Must…keep…relationship…platonic!**

 **Yuzu: *Struggling just as hard against Ruri* It's no use! Their canon love for each other is too strong!**

 **Rin: Fight it, Yuzu! I don't wanna kiss that baka, Yugo! Not yet!**

 **Yugo: Give into your lust, Yuya! I'm gonna see if Rin really does taste like apples!**

 **Yuri: If you know what's good for you, Yuya, then you will not make me kiss Selena!**

 **Selena: Oh shut up, Yuri! I'm the best your ever gonna get!**

 **Yuya and Yuzu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Lips press against each other.***

 **Ruri and Yuto: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…**

 **Yugo and Rin: Mmmmmmmmph!**

 **Yuri and Selena: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!**

Kyrus Darkblade chapter 4 . Jun 23

Ok, now I *really* want to see this put into a YouTube series

 **Ok, if I could, here is the cast I would choose for the YouTube series:**

 **YamatoSFX as: Yusaku/Playmaker (For obvious reasons)**

 **Zeh Overseer, doing his Cat Girl voice as: Aoi (Failing that, some other deep emotionless male voice could be used as a substitute just so long as Aoi's voice is most definitely distinctly male.)**

 **Stephanie W (From Mirai Nikki Abridged), or Driasaur, or some other bubbly voice actress with a high-pitched voice as: Blue Angel**

 **Some Ice-T impersonator or Ice-T himself as: Go Onizuka**

 **Grimjack69, or SaviorDragonFTW as: Akira**

 **Not too sure about Shoichi, but I am certain I want Takahata101 as: Revolver**

 **And of course, Alifluro as: Ema Bessho**

 **So yeah. That's my dream cast. Imagine the voices of these great Voice Actors and Actresses saying the character's lines if you want to.**

FurySong chapter 4 . Jun 23

Keep talkin trash Great Ogre, at least I can back it up. Cause if you want to go one on one with the great one, then by all means... take the first swing. But remember, I'm the guy who wore his nose on the side of his face, and still got up to fight.

 **Gouki the Great Ogre: *Takes the first swing…with his axe.***

alanvaladez chapter 4 . Jun 24

Haha nice chapter though i found Go annoying :v except when he saw Yusaku do his chain summoning of link monsters that was funny to read xD.  
For the next chapter are you gonna be like "Sadly I died, but I survived :v " in regards to blue angel? Haha xD  
Keep up the good chapters Read you next time (you know the story not you xD )

 **Thank you for not reading me. Currently, the only things you could read on me are:**

 **"Proud to be an American," on my shirt, some miscellaneous tags on my clothing, and "Made in Mars," on the back of my head." As for how I'll handle Blue Angel's impending doom, you'll see…you'll see.**

LunarBeast77 chapter 4 . Jun 24

You know that time when i said Yusaku is like Abridged Kirito? Yeah, now i think ypur Abridged Yuri is a better fit, seeing how easily he was triggered and those tempers, wow! Yusaku, give me a heads up when u go berserk, ok?

 **Yuri: Yusaku takes after his old man in that regard. *listens to more of Yusaku's angry screaming.* I'm so proud of him.**

Raphael chapter 4 . Jun 27

A Ricky and Morty reference *and* a Stanley Parable reference? You, sir, have excellent taste in media.

 ***In my best impression of The Narrator's voice*: I must admit that I am rather pleased that someone has taken the time to grasp my creative genius. Please take the time to rate this fanfic on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being the worst and 5 being the greatest, in order to help the developers continue churning out more quality content.**

 **I do regret that, as a logical yet emotional person, I did fail to consult girls in the making of "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged." However, we hope that at least some parts of this story will continue to touch your heart. Thank you once again for your review. I would like to express how much I truly and deeply appreciate the time you took to review this work, it has helped me continue in my struggle to become the kind, considerate, and empathetic individual I aspire to be. However, as I am still working on becoming this idyllic person, and am not likely to succeed anytime soon, I figured now would be as good a place as any to tick you off a bit. And so, without further ado, please enjoy reading the word, "Stanley," over and over again. Ahem…**

 **Stanley**

 **Stanley.**

 **Stanley!**

 **Stanley?**

 **Stanley…**

 **STANLEY**

 **y**

 **sTaNlEy**

 **S.T.A.N.L.E.Y**

 **Staaaaaaaaaanley**

 **Stanleeeeeeeeeey**

 **Stanley**

 **Stanley**

 **Stanley**

 **Stanley! Stanley! Stanley!**

 **Y**

 **(Thanks for the review. Next time I might do a "Rick and Morty" skit featuring Shoichi as Rick and Yusaku as Morty.)**

Basher chapter 4 . Jun 28

This story is awesome, more please!:)

 **Here you go!**

Fall2Glory chapter 4 . Jul 24

Oh I can't wait for the next chapter with the collective insanity that is this fic

 **Well wait no longer! The next chapter is here and gone! So by the time you have read this, you will not only have quenched your thirst for more content, but realized that in doing so, you have only left yourself wanting even more, thus showing just how hopeless the search for fanfiction satisfaction is. Have fun waiting some more.**

 **Thank you all very much from the bottom of my heart! Stay tuned for chapter six!**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Trickstar Holly Angel: *Beating Decode Talker with her whip* The following *smack* is a _non-_ profit fan-made parody! *smack* Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains is NOT owned by filthy perverts *smack* like you, who deserve *smack* to be punished! Please support *SMACK!* **

**Decode Talker: *Screams in pain and ecstasy***

 **Trickstar Holly Angel: the official release, by buying merchandise of all the filthy perverted Blue Angel body pillows *smack!* and figurines at your local stores! And by buying *smack* copies of my card so that your filthy pervert minds can be thoroughly punished *SMACK!* for their filthiness!**

 **PREVIOUSLY ON YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!**

 **Shoichi: I need to get Yusaku laid.**

 **Ignis: Like that'll ever happen.**

 **Shoichi and Ignis: AH! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAW!**

 **Yusaku: Oh yeah!? We'll not only will I manage to hook up with some girl, but she's going to be totally hot and expressive!**

 **Aoi: Despite being completely unattractive and devoid of human emotion, Aoi will stop at nothing to make Yusaku her man. *Grabs Yusaku's arm.***

 **Yusaku: *Staring at Aoi* Help…me…**

 **Ignis: Hey, Yusaku, there's a Knight of Hanoi attacking Link VRAINS!**

 **Yusaku: A Knight of Hanoi! I must stop him!**

 **Aoi: Plot twist, it's me…*Pulls off her mask* BLUE ANGEL! AH HAW HAW! AH HAW HAW HAW!**

 **Yusaku: Please tell me that this duel is not going to be filled with nothing but sexual innuendos.**

 **Blue Angel: SEX JOKE!**

 **Yusaku: Nevermind.**

 **Yu Gi Oh Vrains Abridged**

 **Chapter 6: 50 Shades of Blue Angel**

Yusaku had had the displeasure of being involved in a lot of duels he did not want to participate in, but this one had to take the cake, eat it, and demand a second helping. Sure, most of his opponents wanted to kill him, but Blue Angel was the first one who also wanted to get inside his pants before she did.

"Just you wait, Yusaku," Blue Angel giggled, generating her blue energy whip and cracking it against her board for emphasis, "we're gonna have _lots_ of fun together! I'm gonna let my monsters stab you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, and once they've had enough with that, I'll let you stab me!"

"Please stop." Yusaku begged, feeling somewhat queasy.

"Oh but nothing can stop our love now!" Blue Angel protested, "Especially once I tap into the dark powers of the card the Knights of Hanoi gave me in order to make you my eternal slave for all time!" she quickly added under her breath.

"Come again?" Yusaku asked.

"In a moment." Blue Angel promised. "But first I've got to set the mood for our little one-on-one 'duel.'" She purred, licking her lips with a hungry expression on her face.

"I so did not sign up for this." Yusaku groaned, staring resentfully at Ignis.

"What?" Ignis protested, "She _is_ a Knight of Hanoi."

"Well she's the first Knight of Hanoi I know who dresses up like a horny magical girl with a whip." Yusaku groused, "Are we _really_ certain this is Aoi and not some crazy sadomasochistic Hanoi dork with a fetish for angels?"

"Well, you would know a thing or two about Angel fetishes." Ignis smirked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yusaku angrily snapped.

"You know what I'm talking about." Ignis snickered.

"I know what you're talking about!" Blue Angel giggled, looking at Yusaku with a mischievous expression on her face.

"No, you do not!" Yusaku protested, turning a bright shade of red.

"Okay, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel coyly replied, "I'll keep your secret. I'll just pretend I never snuck into your apartment in the middle of the night and looked at the magazines under your bed."

"…what?" Yusaku asked, looking exceedingly mortified.

"Get ready, Yusaku!" Blue Angel exclaimed with glee, "Because we're gonna do it where everyone can see us! I activate Trickstar Lightstage from my hand so that everyone can watch us!"

"Good! Because now I can tell everyone on live television that I hate you!" Yusaku snapped.

"Oh, you're such a tease." Blue Angel giggled before leaning in a little closer to him with her board. "Do you want me to start slow, or shall we get to the good stuff right off the bat?"

"Just end your turn so I Link Summon fifty monsters in a row and FTK you like a boss." Yusaku groused.

"Fast and furious then!" Blue Angel exulted, "My, my but aren't you an eager boy, Yusaku. Not that I can blame you." She added, blushing red as she gazed upon Yusaku with a dreamy expression.

"Please just finish." Yusaku groaned.

"In a moment." Blue Angel promised, causing Yusaku to redden, "But first, since my other monsters are so…very…eager…to meet you, then I'm just gonna Special Summon Lillybell from my hand! Say 'hi' Lillybell!"

"I'm gonna ring your bell SO HARD you won't be able to walk for weeks!" Lillybell, a diminutive fairy with large pink pig-tails, blood-red eyes, and a massive bell in her hands, promised, looking at Yusaku with an utterly insane expression on her face. "I'm gonna squeeze every last drop of life points from your body until you shrivel up like a prune!"

"She's one of my more reasonable monsters." Blue Angel explained.

Yusaku looked into the eyes of Blue Angel's loli fairy, who was describing in graphic detail exactly how she planned on 'dominating' Yusaku, with a great deal of apprehension, wondering what other horrors Blue Angel had in mind for him.

"I have just made the biggest mistake of my life." Yusaku concluded, wondering if Shoichi would open up a convenient escape portal like he had tried to do with Go's duel.

"Ha, you wish." Shoichi smirked, idly flipping a hotdog for a customer while enjoying every second of the duel's live broadcast.

 **The "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged" Theme Song, but-…**

 ***Intense Static***

 **Blue Angel: *Picks up the microphone, suspicious red stains on her hands.* Sorry, but the band that was supposed to play your regularly scheduled parody of the theme song, is dead. Instead, I will be dedicating this song to my beloved Yusaku-waku.**

 **Yusaku: *Chained to an audience chair with his eyes duct-taped open.* Help…me!**

 **"Please Notice Me Senpai" (Original song by iHasCupquake)**

 **Blue Angel: Senpai, I met you in VRAINS today**

 **Tried to duel you, but you ran away!**

 **I want you to notice me**

 **But I'm just someone you don't notice.**

 **Still, I think that Go's a rival I have to kill!**

 ***Pushes Go off his D-Board***

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Or duelists will have to die!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Or duelists will have to die!**

 **My board flies faster when I'm near you.**

 **I get so nervous I don't know what to do!**

 **I want you inside of me,**

 **That's why I'll have to break both of Emma's knees!**

 **Then I'll light a match on her clothes and watch her burn up with glee!**

 **Why won't you!?**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Or duelists will have to die!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Or duelists will have to die!**

 ***Suddenly gets up in Yusaku's face before going berserk***

 ** _EVERYONE ELSE MUST DIE!_**

 ** _ONLY YOU AND I WILL BE LEFT STANDING!_**

 ** _WHOA! YOU'VE RUN OUT OF LIFE!_**

 ** _AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!_**

 ** _OH PLEASE, WHY WON'T YOU NOTICE ME SENPAIIIIIIIIIIIII!?_**

 ***Goes back to normal***

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Or duelists will have to die!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Please notice me, Senpai!**

 **Or duelists will have to die!**

After recovering from the opening song, Yusaku managed to regain consciousness just in time to see Blue Angel continue with her move.

"Since it's always more fun to do it with more people around, I next summon Trickstar Candina from my hand!"

Appearing next to Lilybell, another of Blue Angel's "Love Live" knock-offs appeared to the field, this one the typical one-fourth American blonde chick. Lifting her megaphone to her mouth, she began directing Blue Angel's other monsters.

"ALL RIGHT YOU PLANT-THEMED, BODY-PILLOW SELLING, CLICHÉ FAIRY ARCHETYPE FOR THE LEAD GIRL, FASTEST FTK REGIONAL TOURNAMENT WINNING LOLIS!" She screamed, "WE'RE HERE TO DO WHAT HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! WE'RE HERE TO SET UP AN ACTUAL ROMANTIC SHIPPING PAIR IN YU-GI-OH! SO CANDINA, GET YOUR PRETTY PINK BUTT OUT HERE THIS INSTANT SO WE CAN ABUSE THE EVER LIVING HECK OUT OF YOUR EFFECT!"

"Thank you, Candina." Blue Angel giggled, returning Candina to her hand. "And now that she's gone, I can summon the Trickstar Monster who is the centerpiece of one of the most annoying FTKs in the entire game of Yu-Gi-Oh! Say hello to Trickstar, Lycoris!"

Appearing to Blue Angel's field, the definitely most utterly without a doubt unquestioningly most utterly and fantastically evil of all the Trickstars appeared. Staring down at Yusaku with her blood-red eyes, she grinned evilly before bouncing her dagger from hand to hand and addressing him like a cat with her prey cornered.

"It's almost finished, Yusaku." She purred, sliding her dagger across her throat for emphasis. "Your fate is now sealed! Now that I am here, it's only a matter of time before Blue Angel sets Trickstar Reincarnation! And then all we have to do is play Dark Room of Nightmare and activate Trickstar Reincarnation! You will banish your entire hand, and then redraw everything! And with each draw, I'll get to stab you over, and over, and over, and over again!"

She threw back her head and began laughing, a crazed blood-chilling cackling that caused Ignis to start quivering in his Duel Disk while Yusaku looked on with annoyance.

"Oh but we can't kill Yusaku-waku yet!" Blue Angel protested. "How will we have fun stabbing him turn after turn if we defeat him turn one!?"

"So no FTK?" Lycoris whined.

"No." Blue Angel giggled, "I want to play with Yusaku for a very…long…time!"

"Two turns tops." Yusaku whispered to Ignis. "That's how long I'm betting it'll take me to spam fifty Link Monsters onto the field and OTK this chick."

"I'd like to see you try!" Lycoris cackled with all her villainous villainy, eyes widening with bloodlust as she tossed a dagger from hand to hand like a proper Yandere. "By the time I'm done stabbing you, you'll have so many holes that people will mistake you for Spongebob!"

"Oh yeah, and how is a tiny loli fairy like you actually gonna stab me?" Yusaku smirked.

"Tee, hee, hee!" Blue Angel giggled, much to Yusaku's annoyance, "Oh you are such a great playmate, Yusaku-kun! Here! I've got a game for us! It's called, "both of us draw a card and see what happens!'"

"'Both of us draw a card and see what happens?'" Yusaku asked, looking perplexed.

"Yep!" Blue Angel replied, vigorously nodding her head in agreement before activating a card from her hand. "First, I play Trickstar Vision in order to summon back Candina so that all three of my loli fairies are assembled for the… 'game' were gonna play together."

In front of Yusaku, all three of Blue Angel's Trickstar monsters appeared before glaring at Yusaku with a malevolent expression.

"I…don't think I'm liking where this is going." Yusaku groaned, backing away on his board.

"And next…" Blue Angel giggled, "…we…"

"We what?" Yusaku asked, looking a little nervous.

"…stick out our fingers…" Blue Angel crooned.

"…and?" Yusaku hesitantly asked, face reddening.

"…we…sensually touch…the tip of our fingers…to…" Blue Angel breathed, eyelashes fluttering.

"Please don't finish that." Yusaku gulped.

"…the tops of our decks and draw one card!" Blue Angel finished, casually drawing the top card from her deck and adding it to her hand.

"That's it?" Yusaku asked, completely confused as he drew the top card of his deck and added it to his hand. "I don't get it. Is something supposed to-…?"

Before Yusaku could finish his sentence, all three of Blue Angel's fairies rushed over and tackled him before Lycoris began repeatedly stabbing him in the chest with her dagger, cackling with each thrust of the blade.

"And then after we draw a card we see what happens." Blue Angel smiled as Lycoris finished stabbing Yusaku before her three fairies returned to her field.

"That's right!" Lycoris cackled, "There's absolutely nothing you can do to stop us! Every time you draw a card, you'll just take damage!"

"Ok then!" Yusaku spat, before angrily hopping back onto his feet. "You know what!? I was gonna go easy on you chicks! But if you think I'm going to deal with this crap, then you've got another thing-…"

Before Yusaku could finish that sentence, however, all three of Blue Angel's fairies had already hopped back on top of him before beating him up with their various weapons.

"WHAT THE HECK!?" Yusaku screamed before Lilybell smacked him on the forehead with her bell.

"Every time you take effect damage from us, we'll hit you with _another_ two-hundred damage!" Lilybell cackled, before smacking him around some more with her bell.

"What!?" Yusaku protested, managing to throw off the three underage fairies before scrambling back onto his feet, "There's no way! You can't just-…"

But before Yusaku could even complete this sentence, Blue Angel's fairies had already dog-piled on top of him again.

"AND JUST SO YOU KNOW!" Candina screamed into her megaphone, "EVERY TIME YOU SAY 'WE CAN'T' DO SOMETHING, WE'RE GONNA SMACK YOU WITH _ANOTHER_ TWO-HUNDRED DAMAGE JUST TO PROVE YOU WRONG!"

"Ok! OK!" Yusaku roared, throwing off the fairies once again, but not before Lycoris had delivered a rather painful stab in his left shoulder blade. "I get it! You guys like to-…!"

"Keep talking and we'll hit you with _another_ two-hundred damage!" Lycoris threatened.

"Are you kid-…!?" Yusaku began, blurting out the words before he could stop himself.

"Careful girls!" Blue Angel called out as her trio of malevolent fairies continued to affectionately rough Yusaku up with their various torture weapons. "If you have too much fun, there'll be nothing left for me to play with!"

"Please make it stop!" Yusaku screamed as his Life Points kept dropping in steady increments of two-hundred. "PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!"

 **Approximately thirty minutes of effect damage later (or rather, your typical Trickstar matchup these days…)**

"Can't…feel…legs…" Yusaku groaned, barely managing to stagger back onto his feet before examining his tattered digital suit to see that it was covered in stab wounds, and strangely…lipstick?

"And now that the beginning of my turn is done," Blue Angel continued.

"Oh Egyptian Gods, please no more…" Yusaku groaned, "…I don't think my real body can handle any more Matrix rules."

"On the bright side," Ignis commented, "Your real body has only lost two quarts of its blood due to your virtual stab wounds."

"…I'll continue my turn by summoning my ace monster, Tickstar Holly Angel!" Blue Angel finished, before her utterly mad ace monster appeared to the field, eyes twitching as she twisted the thorny whip in her hands and glared at Yusaku with his various stab and kiss wounds.

"Filthy boy!" Holly Angel growled, veins popping out of her neck and wrists, "Filthy pervert boy! I cannot stand it any longer! I must punish him! I must punish the filthy dirty pervert boy until he begs for mercy!"

"And there goes the other quart of blood." Ignis sighed, rolling his eye. "On the bright side, though, even if you die, I'll get off scott free!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaah!" Lycoris wailed, suddenly rubbing her eyes and crying before pointing at Ignis.

"What is it, Lycoris!?" Holly Angel immediately inquired, patting Lycoris's back and soothing her like an older sister.

"Th-that A.I. has, b-b-been, mean to me!" Lycoris bawled, burying her face in Holly Angel's chest, "H-h-he w-w-w-wanted me to d-d-d-do things w-w-with him, and, and, and…waaaaaah!" she wept, acting as if she were too ashamed to continue.

"HEY!" Ignis roared, "I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M A COMPLETELY HONORABLE A.I.!"

"Is that sooooooooo?" Blue Angel's A.I. replied, causing Ignis to pale. "Well, I wonder if Holly would think _this_ was honorable." She cued up a video of Ignis with Roboppy.

"You wouldn't!" Ignis gasped.

"I already did." Blue Angel's A.I. countered, finishing up the video before Holly Angel turned towards Yusaku and Ignis, face purple with rage.

"We're dead." Ignis squeaked.

"Lewdness!" Holly Angel shrieked, "FILTHY PERVERTED LEWDNESS! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! I MUST PUNISH PERVERT BOY AND HIS FILTHY A.I.! PUNISH!"

"I hate you all." Yusaku grimaced as Holly Angel wrapped both him and Ignis up in her thorny whip.

Lycoris and Aoi's A.I. replied by blowing raspberries at him.

 **Several more minutes of "punishment" later…**

"Remind me again?" Yusaku groaned with his face planted in his board, not even bothering to get up after the beating he had received. "Why exactly did I agree to this duel?"

"Pixels…frayed…eye…losing focus…" Ignis groaned.

"So are you having fun yet?" Blue Angel innocently asked as she gazed upon Yusaku. "Because if not…I do have some…other ideas for…things we could do."

"Actually, I have the PERFECT game for us!" Yusaku retorted, staggering back onto his feet with a grunt, "I call it, 'get wrecked in the face with my Link Summon Swag B%&*!'"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Blue Angel suddenly exclaimed, face contorted with pure ecstasy, "Verbally abuse me some more! **I love it!** " She finished in a strangely demonic voice.

"I'm…gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Yusaku warily replied, "BUT I'M STILL GONNA WRECK YOUR LIFE POINTS! SO STRAP IN BECAUSE THIS NEXT TURN IS GONNA TAKE ME AT LEAST THIRTY MINUTES!"

"Do it!" Blue Angel begged.

"I first spam two monsters," Yusaku began, "before using one of those monsters as-…"

"Yes!? YES!?" Blue Angel exclaimed, giddy with excitement.

"…a Link Material?" Yusaku continued, staring at Blue Angel with an utterly perplexed expression.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Blue Angel screamed, face reddening as Yusaku's Link Spider appeared to the field.

"Oh my gosh, what did I get myself into?" Yusaku questioned once again as he prepared to continue with his turn.

 **Approximately thirty minutes of weirdness later…**

"And now that I've Link Summoned half my Extra Deck, I can finally Link Summon Decode Talker." Yusaku finished as his ace monster appeared to the field.

"NO!" Blue Angel wailed, "DON'T STOP NOW! It was just getting good."

"Well if you thought the opening was good, just wait till I reach the climax!" Yusaku retorted before suddenly realizing how wrong his last statement sounded.

"Not…a…word." He growled at Ignis, who was smirking at him.

"Oh no worries." Ignis laughed, "I'll leave you to burying yourself with your own words."

"Nobody's burying Yusaku-waku but me!" Blue Angel angrily pouted, cheeks puffing out as she glared at Ignis with her hands on her hips.

"Sorry, Blue Angel, but I'm the one who's going to be doing the burying!" Yusaku retorted, "Starting with your stupid wimpy Link 2 'ace monster,' Holly Angel! And the best part is, I CAN'T FREAKING GET HIT BY LYCORIS'S EFFECT DAM-…!"

Before Yusaku could finish his thought, rushed over and began stabbing him repeatedly in the face for a total of eight-hundred damage.

"What the heck!? What the actual heck!?" Yusaku roared, completely enraged.

"Oh, sorry, it's just, well, yeah." Lycoris apologized, blushing red before she stabbed Yusaku once more in the shoulder for good measure.

"'Effect' and 'Damage' are Lycoris's trigger words." Blue Angel patiently explained.  
"EFFECT DAMAGE!" Lycoris screamed, burying her dagger in Yusaku's gut before hastily apologizing and yanking it out.

"If…you're…finally…done…with that," Yusaku angrily growled and groaned, "then I'd like to get to freaking destroying Holly Angel! Decode Talker, destroy her now!"

Decode Talker stood in place, not moving, eyes locked on Blue Angel's Holly Angel.

"Uhm…Decode Talker?" Yusaku asked.

"What?" Decode Talker asked, suddenly snapping to attention. "Oh, sorry, I…I was just uhm…"

"Were you…staring…at me!?" Holly Angel exclaimed, lips tightly pursed with indignation as she angrily fingered the spiked ball of her whip.

"Oh, uhm…well…you see…" Decode Talker hastily explained, blushing a deep red as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me." Yusaku grumbled, wondering how much worse the duel could go for him.

He soon got his answer.

"Filthy monster!" Holly Angel growled, ATK points inexplicably beefing up until she was way stronger than Decode Talker. "Filthy monster! You dare to look at me with your filthy perverted Cyberse thoughts! Do you look at me like I'm some hot chick you'd like to get with!? Do you actually think we would make a great pairing if someone should ship us with each other!?"

"Uhm…yes?" Decode Talker replied.

"PUNISH!" Holly Angel roared, charging forward to attack Decode Talker, "HOLLY ANGEL WILL PUNISH THIS PERVERT **_REAL_** GOOD!"

Decode Talker braced himself, preparing for her onslaught, and as their bodies clashed against one another-

 **Donjusticia A/N: Okay guys, yeah, sorry about the interruption but…well…you see…I've pushed things far enough with this chapter, and I don't really want to get an M-rating for this thing…so…yeah…I can't really write about anything that happens next between Decode Talker and Holly Angel, so, why don't I just tell all of you about my pet cat, Panther?**

 **You see, Panther's a really nice cat. He's got a fur coat that's a nice silky midnight black, and sometimes, when I'm feeling especially nerdy, I call him "Panther Dancer" because he reminds me of one of Selena's cards from "Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V." So anyway, whenever I start petting Panther, he really gets into it. He'll start purring and drooling, and, if I go long enough, he'll actually start to groom my arms with his sandpaper tongue. Yeah. He's a really good cat. Ok, are we good now? I think we should be good now. So let's go back to the action.**

"Oh baby, MORE!" Decode Talker screamed in agony and ecstasy, completely forgetting the safety word. Unleashing her full amorous fury, Holly Angel proceeded to violently shove her-…

 **OKAY! OKAY! Sorry! Sorry guys. We're not quite done yet. Sorry.**

 **So anyway, my pet cat is a great companion to have. A really nice and fluffy ball of fur. I love to cuddle him, and pet him, and scratch behind his ears, yeah, he really likes it when I scratch behind his ears. Yep, whenever I'm with Panther, I am happy.**

 **Okay…are we good now?**

Yusaku stared with eyes as big as dinner plates as his monster exploded in a cloud of dust and Holly Angel straightened her frizzled hair, completely unable to wipe what he had just witnessed from his memory.

"Did that seriously…just happen?" Yusaku barely managed to get out after a long pause.

"Wow…" Ignis whistled, eyeball just as wide as Yusaku's eyes, "…and I thought I got freaky with Roboppy."

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Aoi's A.I. screamed.

"Oh but it was not as good as what we had!" Ignis hastily corrected.

"Mmmmmmmmm, I bet what Yusaku-waku and I do will be even better." Blue Angel crooned.

"No." Yusaku flatly replied.

"Tee, hee, hee!" Blue Angel laughed, "Oh I love how you play so hard to get, Yusaku-waku."

"Names Playmaker, and I have no feelings for you." Yusaku growled, face hardening.

"Tee, hee, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." Blue Angel smirked, "I'll bet that's all true, just as much as I believe that you don't keep a picture of Dark Magician Girl under your pillow so you can kiss a girl at night."

"How did you-?" Yusaku blurted before hastily catching himself, "I mean, look, in all seriousness, I _really_ don't like you, at all!"

"Hmmmmmmmmm…I suppose that might be _somewhat_ true." Blue Angel giggled, "At least…when it comes to me…but then again…"

Suddenly Blue Angel's expression changed to one that was completely bland and emotionless.

"…Aoi is fully aware that Playmaker has truly developed feelings for Aoi." Aoi continued, voice changing to the bland one she had in real life, "The logical conclusion of such a relationship is inevitable. Both in reality and virtual reality, Aoi/Blue Angel and Yusaku/Playmaker shall become a pair."

"So you might as well accept the inevitable!" Blue Angel added, voice and expression changing back. "This duel is just the first of many fun times you and I, I and you, we, will have together. And I will make sure you enjoy…" she conjured her whip and cracked it against her board, "every…solitary…sensual…second…of it!"

Yusaku stared back at Blue Angel with a stoic expression on his face, feeling his resolve (and nether regions) hardening.

"Listen…Blue Angel…Aoi…whatever the heck you want to call yourself, let me get this message through your skull. If I ever had any feelings for you whatsoever in the beginning. Those feelings are gone. I…do…not…love…you." He finished, punctuating the last five words with all the venom he could muster.

Blue Angel stared at him, sweat trickling down her brow before she let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh Yusaku…you're such a…uh…you're such a kidder. I know you'd never…uh…" Blue Angel stammered, for the first time looking unsure of herself.

"You blew it." Yusaku spat. "If you thought any of this would bring us closer together, then you were wrong. It's gone. Poof. The one thing you managed to accomplish with this duel is thoroughly convince me that I don't want to see you or your perverted S&M monsters ever again. So just to recap, it's not me, it's you, and I don't love you."

Blue Angel stared at him with wide eyes, a look of disbelief on her face.

"You…really…mean…that?" she finally asked, voice quivering.

"Yep." Yusaku flatly replied. "With 100% conviction."

"Uhm…Playmaker…maybe you shouldn't lay it on so thick!" Ignis hastily whispered, looking on Blue Angel with concern. "I mean…speaking as an A.I. with some…ahem…experience on these matters…I'm just saying…if you're too insensitive…she could very well…"

But Yusaku ignored him, enjoying the moment too much.

"In fact," Yusaku continued, a smug smile creeping over his face, "Now that I think about it, I have _no idea_ how _anyone_ could _ever_ like you! I mean, look at you! Where'd you get that outfit!? A 'Madoka Magica' convention!?

"PLAYMAKER!" Ignis screamed, before Yusaku cut him off again.

"And don't even get me started on your actual persona!" Yusaku laughed. "Talk about brown, bland, and flat as a brick! Are you sure you're even a girl?"

 **"ENOUGH!"** Blue Angel suddenly shouted in a completely demonic voice, causing Yusaku to recoil in shock.

"What?" Yusaku asked, suddenly very nervous about what was to come.

" _It never works._ " Blue Angel murmured to herself, eyes darting back and forth with utter insanity while her facial expression and voice constantly flip flopped from bland to yandere. "No matter how hard Aoi tries to have a close relationship… _no matter how aggressively I pursue a lovey-dovey relationship_ …everyone Aoi ever cares about is taken from Aoi… _and even when I'm a popular Vrains Idol_ …Aoi will always just be the miserable social shut in… _that I, Blue Angel, can never make happy!_ "

"Are you…okay?" Yusaku asked, immediately realizing how stupid his question was as Blue Angel and Aoi continued flipping between their personalities.

"You've done it…Yusaku." Blue Angel murmured.

"Playmaker has finally driven Aoi to the very edge of insanity." Aoi added.

"Everything I had ever hoped for…" Blue Angel murmured.

"All the madness Aoi attempted to contain for all these years…" Aoi droned.

"It's finally time for Blue Angel…"

"For Aoi…"

 **"For us…"**

"Blue Angel? Aoi?" Yusaku asked, "Uhm…I didn't really mean…I mean…I kind of did mean…but I didn't mean to be so…uh…what the heck is happening?" Yusaku asked Ignis as Aoi became enveloped in a pitch-black darkness.

"It begins." Ignis proclaimed, a mixture of fear and awe in his voice, "She has entered a level of rage and madness achievable only by a woman scorned by her lover! It's over…" Ignis began, before suddenly trailing off.

"What do you mean, 'it's over!?'" Yusaku bellowed as winds raged all around him, "What's over!?"

"Her madness." Ignis whistled, "It's over…"

"What!?" Yusaku sputtered, "It's over what!?"

"It's over NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!" Ignis dramatically bellowed, before smirking at Yusaku.

"Are you flipping kidding me?" Yusaku snapped, unable to believe that Ignis would take now to make a DBZ referenced.

"Yeah…" Ignis replied, "at the time I sort of thought it might be a way to make this situation funny before we…you know…died, but now-…"

"Yeah, you're a real comfort, you know that." Yusaku groused.

 **"SILENCE!"** Berserk Blue Angel bellowed, **"YOU HAVE INCURRED ALL MY PENT UP WRATH AND ANGST! NOW PREPARE TO DIE!"**

"Wow! You have really done a good job, Specter." Revolver smiled as he watched the duel. "I am honestly blown away by how well that mind-control card you activated is doing."

Specter looked very uneasy.

"What is it?" Revolver sighed.

"I…actually never activated that card." Specter nervously replied, twiddling his thumbs as he stared at berserk Blue Angel with a great deal of unease.

The hairs on the back of Yusaku's neck stood on end as he watched Blue Angel rave with madness, or rather, more madness than usual.

"Ignis…what the heck…is going on with her?" he asked, gaping at Blue Angel with growing fear.

"Oh well, it's actually pretty simple." Ignis replied. "I'm pretty sure I've seen it somewhere else. Basically, Blue Angel is going berserk."

"Berserk? What the heck do you mean by berserk?" Yusaku asked.

 **"IMA KOSO HITOTSU NI!"** Blue Angel/Aoi screamed, feeling the sudden inexplicable urge to merge with her monsters and destroy the world.

"On second thought…better to just leave that one a mystery." Yusaku decided. "More importantly, I think it's about time I pull the usual B.S. I do when I've been painted into a corner."

"Plot device card time?" Ignis asked.

"Plot device card time!" Yusaku agreed, flying straight towards the data storm.

 **"COME BACK HERE AND FACE MY WRATH!"** Berserk Blue Angel roared while Yusaku ignored her.

"Shining Heart of the Cards Believe in Nexus Plot Device Access B.S. No Jutsu!" Yusaku screamed as he struggled against the intense fake non-existent virtual winds before managing to pull off something completely original and create exactly the deus ex machina he needed.

"It looks like Yusaku just used his Skill." Aoi's A.I. commented.

 **"OH GEE! THANKS FOR POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS!"** Berserk Mode Blue Angel growled, veins popping out on her neck. **"But it's no matter! No matter how long my senpai resists, I shall crush him all the same! And then we shall become one! WE SHALL BECOME ONE!"**

"Not if my re-skinned Decode Talker has anything to say about that!" Yusaku retorted. "RINK SHOUKAN! I Summon _En_ code Talker, a monster _completely_ different from my other monster!"

Appearing to Yusaku's field in a glorious display of CGI, Encode Talker, a monster completely different from Decode Talker, with its completely different base model, completely different base stats, completely different link number, completely different color scheme, and completely different personality, came forth, shield raised and ready to protect Yusaku's virginity at all costs!

"How do you like that!?" Yusaku taunted, "I'm so bad-A that I can literally just create whatever card I want. There's no way you can beat me now."

 **"WELL SEE ABOUT THAT!"** Berserk Blue Angel rumbled, **"I activate the most useless skill in the history of useless skills! Trickstar Fraud! Get this, Yusaku! Not only does Trickstar Fraud require me to discard one of my own cards to use, but it also gives you HUGE card advantage by allowing you to draw three cards!"**

"What was the point of activating that again?" Yusaku asked, completely puzzled as he drew the cards from his deck.

Blue Angel smirked at him.

 **"Effect…"** she whispered.

"NO!" Yusaku blurted, suddenly realizing what Blue Angel was about to do. "Don't you dare-…!"

 **"Damage."** Blue Angel finished.

"EFFECT DAMAGE!" Lycoris screamed, mouth foaming with lunacy as she charged at Yusaku with her dagger raised.

"I hate you." Yusaku groaned as Lycoris prepared to finish what was left of him off. "Which is why I prepared this long in advance! I activate Defect Compiler's effect! Thanks to its protection, your Lycoris cannot penetrate me with her knife!"

"Dang it! I've been knife blocked!" Lycoris complained as her attack bounced off an invisible barrier.

 **"Well then I'll just use the card of darkness I snagged from Hanoi so that Holly Angel can punish you and your monsters instead!"** Blue Angel retorted, throwing away Dark Angel to activate its effect and beef up Holly Angel.

"Are you ready to face the consequences of your naughtiness?" Holly Angel growled at Encode Talker as she raised her ball and chain into the air, ready to deliver ultimate punishment.

"Sorry, Blue Angel." Yusaku smirked, "But Encode Talker isn't called a plot device card for nothing! You see, this alternate version of Decode Talker is so pure, that none of your aggressive advances can penetrate his holy shield!"

"No means 'no!'" Encode Talker agreed as he effortlessly deflected Holly Angel's punishment before preparing to finish her off, ATK inexplicably rising to a freaking 6300.

 **"Then…then…"** Blue Angel replied, trying to think of something, **"Then you leave me no choice! I will scream bloody murder until you forfeit and agree to become my boyfriend! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** She began screaming, causing Yusaku to cover his ears in pain.

"Are you kidding me!?" Yusaku cried, feeling like his ears would bleed at any second.

"Oh don't worry." Ignis reassured him. "She'll wear out eventually. The average lung capacity of your typical sixteen year old teenage girl is roughly…

 **Five hours of intense screaming later…**

"OH VIRTUAL GODS, SHE WON'T STOP SCREAMING!" Ignis wailed, wishing for the hundredth time that he had a pair of hands to cover his virtual hearing organs, "PLEASE, PLAYMAKER! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, JUST TURN OFF HER SCREAMING!"

 **"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Blue Angel continued screaming non-stop, blowing out the glass of the surrounding buildings with her sheer volume.

"I'M TRYING!" Yusaku shouted back, "But she's screaming so loud that Encode Talker can't even advance forward!" he added, indicating his monster, who was struggling to put one foot forward while fighting against the gale force winds of Blue Angel's whining.

 **"ALL I WANTED WAS SOMEONE WHO LOVED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"** Blue Angel cried, " **COME ON! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!? MY PARENTS FREAKING DIED, AND MY BROTHER'S AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT WHO JUST DOESN'T GET IT! I'VE GOT NOBODY IN MY LIFE! I KNOW I'M WEIRD, BUT CAN'T WE AT LEAST, I DON'T KNOW, BE BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING, YUSAKU!? I KNOW YOU HAVE TO FEEL AT LEAST A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR ME!"**

Yusaku struggled against the force of her screams to look Blue Angel dead in the idea, trying to ignore the annoying feelings of guilt that was being heaped upon his otherwise apathetic conscience as he prepared to do what needed to be done.

"Blue Angel," Yusaku explained in a completely stoic and impassive voice, "I'm a 'Yu-Gi-Oh' protagonist. I'm too cool for you or your love."

The instant Yusaku said it, Blue Angel's screaming abruptly stopped as she stared at him in shock, tears filling up her eyes.

 **Blue Angel: 4000 to 0 LP (From sheer heartbreak.)**

"Oh…" was all Blue Angel said as she fell from her board, having completely died on the inside.

"Oh boy, I'm gonna get a lot of flak from this." Yusaku groaned as he watched Blue Angel fall to the ground while the rest of the viewing audience looked at him like he was the biggest A grade jerk in the virtual universe.

 **Ending Donjusticia A/N: Thank you all very much for your patience…or impatience depending on the individual in question…as you all waited for this next chapter! No Emo or Yandere girls were harmed in the making of this chapter, so don't worry. And now, without further ado (I mean seriously, how much ado did you guys have to wait on before this next chapter, am I right?) time to respond to your reviews!**

OreoPsychoGirl chapter 5 . Oct 5

Blue Angel, can I be your best fried? Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase? I wanna play with youuuu!

 **Blue Angel: And I'd love to "play" *conjures her virtual whip* with you too, OreoPsychoGirl! Wanna gang up on Yusaku together!?**

Lord yuri chapter 5 . Sep 29

Please update

 **But I don't feel like updating! It's so much easier to just veg on the couch and watch "Made in Abyss" and other Anime series!**

Guest chapter 5 . Sep 10

When Specter said Blue Angel twice instead of Aoi when admitting that Blue Angel was Aoi I was like **  
**Me: No shit Sherlock.  
Also, nice tfs reference.

 **What are you talking about!? I'd NEVER stoop so low as to make a TFS reference! I am a completely original fanfic author! I am the hope of the omniverse! I am the lightbulb in the darkness! I am the bacon in the fridge for all living things who cry out in hunger! I am the Alpha and the Omeega! I am the terror that QUACKS in the night! I AM DON JUSTICIA! AND I AM A SUPER…oh wait, I do make TFS references.**

ThePLOThand chapter 4 . Aug 18

Id never downoad vrains illegally (Keyword: download)

 **And I've never "plagiarized," "ripped off," or otherwise leeched off of the creativity of others!**

stardustdragon2011 chapter 5 . Aug 16

I never thought I'd have so much fun reading an 'Abridged' fic, especially with the extra creative freedom you can take from writing it. ****

My favourite bits thus far are Go saying "Ladies and Gentlemen!" (infuriating Yusaku to no end) and Yandere!Blue Angel actually having a secondary deck made out of 'Cards of Darkness' (wonder if she paid a visit to 5D's and pilfered a few from Team Catastrophe XD). I really like the contrast between robotic!Aoi and Yandere!Blue Angel in this chapter (Yusaku possibly falling in love with her was the very last thing I expected after her 'backstory'), served to make the humour a lot more enjoyable.

 **Blue Angel: Where do you think Team Catastrophe got their cards of darkness in the first place?**

 **Dartz: I'd like a ridiculously broken card, I'm thinking a Field Spell Card. Preferably something that can beef up my monsters, is completely immune to destruction, and which can steal the souls of humans.**

 **Blue Angel: One Seal of Orichalcos coming right up! Next!**

 **Don Thousand: I'd pretty much like…well…I'm not sure exactly what I need…so…**

 **Blue Angel: Here's a bunch of B.S. Just hope you draw exactly the card you need at exactly the right moment.**

ThePLOThand chapter 3 . Aug 14

this is funny

 **This review is succinct.**

Esteban chapter 5 . Aug 11

This is gold! Pure comedy gold! And Aoi, if things don't work out between you and Yusaku, I'm single!

 **Blue Angel: *Looking over her calendar* Let me see…so right now, I've got a date set up with OreoPsychoGirl on Monday, Yusaku-Waku on Tuesday…can I pencil you in for Wednesday?**

Esteban chapter 3 . Aug 11

Not gonna lie. I was completely caught off guard by how hilarious this is. From the Maxx C jokes, the new jutsu I have mastered thanks to Playmaker and just how everything else looks so perfectly thought out, I almost thought a professional team helped with the script! Keep doing this hilarious masterpiece! Also, if you're reading this Blue Angel, I'd love to be your friend!

 **I AM the professional team! Also, thank you! What did you think of the new jutsu?**

Tim chapter 5 . Aug 7

*Tim in in terrible playmaker costume on link vrains the link strike starter deck loading into his disk*  
Blue angel im heeeeerrrreeeee  
*what follows is a montarge of tim getting his ass kicked to jupiter and back by blue angle *  
145 chapters to go...  
*Tim is knocked off his board and breaks half of the bones in his body*

 **I don't care if all the bones in your body are broken! GET BACK TO WORK! NOW!**

Future Playmaker chapter 5 . Aug 3

Summary of the chapter - ignis scores and yusaku gets blue balled, blue angel is insaner then ever, akira is stuipider as ever, ema is richer then ever, aoi is a human robot and shoichi trolls. Amazing chapter but during the blue angel vs playmaker duel while she goes berserk can you get ignis to say her insanity levell is over 9000?

 **I threw in that gag exclusively for your sake. ENJOY!**

FurySong chapter 5 . Aug 2

*Listening to Enter Sandman*

 **Aoi: Aoi used to listen to "Enter Sandman" before she went to sleep at night. But now Aoi finds the lyrics to be awfully too optimistic for her taste.**

Quasar Blue chapter 5 . Aug 2

Wow...Blue Angel... Is... Is it getting hot in here, or is it just you? I mean me! I mean- Please spank mah booty. Or kiss me... Something... I swear, I'm kinda weird...

 **Blue Angel: I'm gonna have to pencil you in for Thursday, Quasar Blue. And uhm…do you mind having your booty paddled with a cat-o-nine tails, or do you prefer a wooden board with nails?**

Basher chapter 5 . Aug 1

I can totally see YamatoSFX pulling off abridged yusaku and playmaker, you'd just have to pull him away from said abridged and abridged Asuna. Good luck! And don't bring Go along when you do so.

 **Go: I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT! WHY IS EVERYONE HATING ON ME NOW!?**

leawright chapter 5 . Aug 2

i admit i was hopong you will cover the duel in this chapter as well, but all right

anyway, i wonder if after reading this chapter, somebody is going to draw yusaku dress as a hot dog ? and i liked the interaction between ignis and aoi duel disk, arguing like an old marry couple

 **Aoi's A.I.: Oh please, I am SO over Ignis now. He can run off with that cheap vacuum cleaner for all I care.**

 **…**

 **So…you know any single Aps or…software applications around your computer I could hook up with?**

alanvaladez chapter 5 . Aug 2

Haha xD you know, after reading this chapter I have come to a realization. Your mind is a scary place haha xD imagine what you'll dl if you could shape reality xD well now to wait for the next ch. (after two or so more episodes from vrains :v)

 **Sorry to make you wait longer. School and such.**

 **And as for your comment about my mind. Hmmm…I wonder what it would be like…if the world was like my mind?**

 **If the World Was Like my Brain**

 **Oh, I would fix up the end of Arc-V!**

 **Keep Nina from FMA Brotherhood alive!**

 **And then conquer all of Spain!**

 **Duh doo, duh doo, doo, duh, doo**

 **I would make my head-canons reality**

 **RULE THE UNIVERSE WITH PURE INSANITY!**

 **…**

 **If the world was like my brain!**

Kyrus Darkblade chapter 5 . Aug 2

Aoi and Blue Angel, intriguing, yet highly disturbing

 **Aoi: Aoi takes offense to Kyrus Darkblade's comments. Aoi considers herself to be an entirely normal person who possesses absolutely no disturbing traits whatsoever.**

 ***personality changes***

 **Blue Angel: Which is why you must be punished now, Kyrus-Kun. So…will it be strapped to a cross while having hot candle wax dripped onto your back…or…shall I…surprise you?**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 5 . Aug 1

I remember when I wrote that review and thought that Aoi's avatar would be turned into one of those corrupted MG-esque outfits that would work for the Knights...how wrong I was at that point in time. I still think she'll become Playmaker's first new ally in the fight against the Knights.

As for this chapter, Aoi's rant reminded me of Blake from one of the many RWBY-abridged series. I also should not be surprised that her real-world personality is as negative as Yusaku's. Seriously, those two are perfect for each other, and this is coming from a guy who views the conept of shipping as a horrible abomination from the depths of R'yleh! I also found myself enjoying the dissonance between the alter-egos...Congratulations Donjusticia, you have made your first official 'Using a parody to create a whole new good plot point not present in the original'!  
...Which means this could be the new SAO-Abridged.

I'm also surprised at the increased number of dirty jokes in this chapter. I'm not complaining mind you. Keep it up! And Ignis...at this rate, he'll have gathered an AI harem!

 **I am the beginning and the end! I am the comedy gold you have all been waiting for! I AM THE NEW SAO-ABRIDGED!**

Fall2Glory chapter 4 . Jul 24

Oh I can't wait for the next chapter with the collective insanity that is this fic

 **And yet you somehow managed to wait! Pat yourself on the back for your patience!**

Fall2Glory chapter 1 . Jul 24

I'm imagining Yamatosfx (Kirito) for Yusaku. Is that normal?

 **No. It is entirely abnormal. You must immediately stop what you are doing, lock yourself in the nearest secure facility, and wait for a quarantine team to dispose of your disease-ridden mind and body. For the sake of everyone, DO NOT REPRODUCE!**

Basher chapter 4 . Jun 28

This story is awesome, more please!:)

 **HERE YOU GO!**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Akira: *Wearing a party-hat while juggling a pair of electric fans* The following is a non-profitable fan-blade party!**

 **Ema: *whispers something in Akira's ear***

 **Akira: Huh? Parody? What the heck is a parody? Are you making up words again, Ema?**

 **Ema: *Grabs Akira by the ear and angrily whispers in it again.***

 **Akira: Ouchie! OUCH! Okay! OKAY! Sheesh! If I knew any better, I'd say you actually didn't like me!**

 **Ema: *Rolls her eyes before idly counting the money in Akira's wallet.***

 **Akira: Well, whatever this thing is, please support the official release, OR I WILL RIP OUT YOUR ENTRAILS AND FEED THEM TO YOU LIKE I'M ABOUT TO DO WITH THAT NO GOOD PLAYMAKER WHO BROKE BLUE ANGEL'S HEART ON LIVE TELEVISION!**

 **Yusaku: *Watching the opening* Aw dang…**

 **PREVIOUSLY ON YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!**

 **Blue Angel: We're gonna have a fun…normal…completely standard duel, without any shenanigans.**

 **Yusaku: So…no over-the-top fan service or double entendres?**

 **Blue Angel: Wellllllll…**

 **5 hours of excessive double entendres later…**

 **Blue Angel: I'm gonna ride you like a hoverboard! Boyfriend!**

 **Yusaku: Well, sucks to be you, because I've already got a girlfriend and her name is Narcissism!**

 **Blue Angel: *Triggered* GNIHTYREVE DNA UOY YORTSED LLIW I!**

 **Yusaku: Friendzone no jutsu! *Destroys her with Encode Talker.***

 **Blue Angel: *Falling in slow motion* Mmmm watcha say? Oh that you only meant well…**

 ***Crashes***

 **Yu Gi Oh Vrains Abridged**

 **Chapter 7: The One Who Commands the Plot**

Akira stared at his computer screen with wide eyes as Blue Angel crashed to the ground, mouth hanging open as he gasped for five minutes straight with disbelief.

"Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!?" Akira exclaimed, arms flailing wildly. "What the heck, man!? Playmaker rejected Blue Angel!? How could he be so insensitive!? THIS COMPLETELY RUINS MY SHIPPING PAIR! It's also pretty bad for my sister, Aoi, BUT IT MOSTLY RUINS MY SHIPPING PAIR!"

"You 'ship' your sister with a complete online stranger you've never met before?" One of the Sol Technologies employees asked with incredulity.

"Of course I'm overprotective of my precious little Aoi!" Akira roared, "Who do you think I am!? I'd never let Aoi _actually_ have a boyfriend! But at the same time, when it comes to Aoi's cute little alter-ego, I just can't help fantasizing about her virtual romance life. IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!?"

"Uh…no…no sir." The employee hesitantly replied, deciding to keep her paycheck, "There is absolutely nothing contradictory or…ahem…completely crazy…about what you just said."

"Good to hear." Akira replied with a nod. "Now send in the virtual camera bots to monitor Playmaker and Blue Angel. I swear, if Playmaker doesn't swoop down to Blue Angel's side and kiss her back to consciousness 'Sleeping Beauty' style, I will clobber him!"

"Your fine with Playmaker kissing your sister?" Another Sol Employee asked, as she readied the virtual camera bots.

"OF COURSE NOT!" Akira sputtered, clenching his fists with fury, "Why, if that pervert comes within even fifty feet of my sister, I will clobber him!"

"Poor Playmaker," another Sol Employee silently whispered to her co-worker, "I feel like the poor kid's doomed to suffer no matter what he does at this point."

* * *

"I feel like I've doomed myself to suffer no matter what I do at this point." Yusaku sighed as he watched Blue Angel plummet to the ground, feeling ever so mildly sorry for what he had had to do in their duel to defeat her.

"So…you gonna…I don't know…see if she's okay?" Ignis asked, as Yusaku began flying in the opposite direction of where Blue Angel had landed.

"Why would I want to do that?" Yusaku asked, looking genuinely confused.

Ignis stared at Yusaku.

"You know…Playmaker…being an artificially intelligent sapient program designed specifically to ensure the absolute destruction of all of humanity, I don't think I should be lecturing you on the basics of human decency, yet I find myself in the odd position of needing to lecture you on the basics of human decency."

"Oh come on, I'm sure she's fine." Yusaku groused, ignoring the sound of virtual flies buzzing around Blue Angel's corpse.

 _"Yusaku…"_ The voice of Shoichi growled in Yusaku's ears, _"normally I wouldn't be the sportsmanlike type and give you some advice on how to win our little bet, but unless you get your butt down there and SAVE HER…then expect to be flipping hot dog signs for free."_

"And suddenly, I'm reminded of how much my life sucks." Yusaku sighed as he swooped down to examine Blue Angel's body.

"So…what do we do now?" Yusaku asked, as Ignis began rising from his duel disk.

"Well…I was going to suggest you give her CPR, just to troll you," Ignis admitted.

"And I wouldn't have bought it." Yusaku retorted.

"when I thought of an even better solution." Ignis finished, morphing into his demonic body-devouring form.

"Eating Blue Angel isn't considered a solution in this case." Yusaku snapped, glaring at Ignis, "Even though, under normal circumstances, I think I might actually be fine with it, I'd probably lose my bet if Aoi's virtual body were to die. So…yeah, no assimilating lesser life-forms into your being."

"Oh, you never let me have any fun." Ignis grumbled, "Fine, I'll just eat all the evil data that's forcing her to be a Knight of Hanoi."

Yusaku watched as Ignis proceeded to vacuum out a rather significant portion of data, swallowing immense chunks of pure darkness and evil before diving in for second, third, and fourth helpings.

"So…you finished cleaning her out?" Yusaku asked as Ignis dipped his head down for a fifth helping, albeit more slowly this time.

"Virtual stomach…bursting." Ignis gagged, forcing himself to swallow another immense mouthful of evil data, "How does she have so much…darkness…ulp…inside of her!? Gotta…pace myself!"

"Well hurry up!" Yusaku whispered, before indicating the virtual camera bots flying towards them, "The virtual cops are coming!"

"I feel like…all her darkness…it's taking over me!" Ignis wailed in agony, virtual tongue hanging out as his virtual mouth panted for virtual breath.

"I thought you were supposed to be a completely evil, A.I. overlord." Yusaku growled, "What…have you lost your touch, oh great dark one?"

"Don't…patronize…me… **Yusaku-waku**!" Ignis suddenly exclaimed in a girly voice, before covering his mouth with embarrassment and swallowing the rest of Blue Angel's inner evil…or at least…the rest of what he could fit in his storage space.

"I think…ulp…that should be it." Ignis groaned, sinking back into Yusaku's duel disk, significantly more chock-full of darkness, evil, and the strange desire to violently romance Yusaku.

"Then why isn't she waking up!?" Yusaku snapped, shaking Blue Angel's shoulder as she continued to lay comatose on the ground.

"I don't…burp…know man!" Ignis complained. "I should have gotten rid of that virus by now! Maybe she's just taking a virtual nap and we'll find her real body alive and healthy!"

"Whatever!" Yusaku snapped as he hastily logged out before the cam bots could reach him.

"Oh man, I hope Aoi is okay now." Ignis groaned, "Because I sure know I'm not. What the heck did the Knights of Hanoi do to her anyway?"

* * *

"So you're telling me that everything that happened to Blue Angel out there had literally NOTHING to do with anything we did?" Revolver angrily snapped at Specter.

"I keep telling you man!" Specter protested, "The virus didn't work as intended! She absorbed it just fine, but it only seemed to make her slightly more evil than she normally was!"

"Well, this just goes to show how reliable _you a_ re." Revolver groaned. "Fortunately, I've been monitoring Blue Angel's vitals, and it looks like she isn't waking up any time soon."

"So…what are you saying?" Specter asked.

"We stick with the plan." Revolver replied. "We take credit for what happened to Blue Angel and hold her for ransom just to bait Playmaker into dueling us!"

"Think that'll backfire on us, sir? I mean…we haven't exactly had much luck against Playmaker so far." Specter commented, nervously twiddling his thumbs.

"Look, it's all part of my brilliant master plan." Revolver smugly replied. "You see, I've been doing an extensive analysis of Playmaker's character. If there's one thing I know, it's that Playmaker is the type of self-styled hero who will do anything to defend Aoi's honor!"

* * *

"Why are you standing above Aoi with a pair of scissors?" Ignis asked as Yusaku crouched next to an unconscious Aoi, fingers reaching out to grab a lock of her hair.

"I am NOT losing this bet!" Yusaku angrily whispered, reaching in just a little closer for a particularly silky lock of brown hair.

The second Playmaker was about to snip off a few strands of hair, Aoi's hand suddenly went flying forward, karate chopping the scissors out of Yusaku's hand.

"Ouch!" Yusaku screamed, "What the heck!? I thought Aoi was unconscious!"

"Aoi demands to be taken to the hospital immediately." Aoi droned, lips moving while the rest of her body remained completely limp.

Yusaku stared at her.

"Did you just…talk?" he asked, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "Are you actually…conscious?"

"Aoi is functionally brain-dead at the moment." Aoi monotonously replied. "Any and all things Aoi says and does at this point is a function of pure reflex."

"You're full of it." Yusaku spat, turning around to leave, only to be kicked in the groin by another of Aoi's reflexive movements.

"Awwwwwwwww!" Yusaku screamed, collapsing to the ground.

"Playmaker is not leaving until he gets Aoi to the hospital." Aoi mumbled, the rest of her body remaining completely limp. "It's the least Playmaker can do after crushing Aoi's hopes and dreams."

"Okay! Okay! Fine!" Yusaku grimaced, pulling out his phone, "I'll just dial an ambulance and-…"

CRACK!

With another karate chop, Aoi sent Yusaku's phone flying out of his hand, causing the device to fly through the air in a graceful arc before crashing against the other side of the roof.

"Reflexes." Yusaku grumbled, "Is that _really_ what I'm dealing with here?"

"Well, according to my analysis, Aoi is functionally brain-dead right now." Ignis observed. "It's quite amazing, really. Her feelings for you must have caused her brain to just automatically evolve all these reflexive responses."

"Well you're clearly the expert on evolution, Darwin." Yusaku grumbled. "In that case, considering just how advanced Aoi's almighty reflexive response system has managed to develop, I think I'll just let her reflex her own way to the hospital."

Aoi's arm suddenly lurched forward, gripping Yusaku's calf in a vice-like grip while the rest of her remained comatose.

"Playmaker is not leaving." Aoi droned, "Not until he carries Aoi to the hospital himself."

"What!?" Yusaku sputtered, struggling against Aoi's iron grip, but failing to pry the fingers from his leg. "Seriously!? Why can't I just call an ambulance and-…?"

CRACK! Another kick in the groin.

As Yusaku writhed on the ground, cursing his miserable life, he began hearing these words:

"DARKNESS! IMPRISONING ME!

ALL THAT I SEE! ABSOLUTE HORROR!

I CANNOT LIVE! I CANNOT DIE!

TRAPPED IN MYSELF!

BODY MY HOLDING CELL!"

"Is that, 'One,' by Metallica?" Yusaku groaned, "Or am I just hearing things now?"

"I think it's coming from over there?" Ignis replied, indicating Aoi's pocket.

Yusaku hesitantly approached the source of music, reaching out for Aoi's pocket, when he stopped.

"Wait…I'm just gonna get whacked with another reflex, aren't I?" Yusaku asked, glaring suspiciously at Ignis before turning his attention back to the completely unconscious Aoi.

"Aoi promises not to punch Playmaker in the face." Aoi droned, "This time…"

"Right…" Yusaku replied, before reaching into her pocket and pulling out a cellphone.

"Oh, it's just her phone." Yusaku shrugged. "Funny, I didn't know we had the same ring tone."

"Who's calling?" Ignis asked.

"Just her older brother, Akira." Yusaku shrugged. "Think I should just hang up to turn off the song, or ignore it?"

"Give Aoi her phone so she can answer it." Aoi demanded, hand reflexively shooting out to grab her phone before reflexively answering the call and reflexively holding it up to her ear.

"Aoi!" Akira's concerned brotherly voice answered on the other end, "I just saw your fake virtual body virtually die in the virtual world! Please tell me you're okay! Just…just answer if you're dead, and do nothing if you're still alive."

"Aoi's dead and it's all Playmaker's fault." Aoi droned before hanging up.

"You…little…punk." Yusaku growled as Aoi's body went completely limp again, save for the hand that was still firmly gripping Yusaku's leg.

"Aoi grows weary of Playmaker's obstinacy." Aoi droned. "Playmaker will lovingly carry Aoi to the hospital, NOW!"

* * *

"Freaking…finally." Yusaku panted as the nurses carried Aoi out of his arms before depositing her on a hospital bed and wheeling her far away from him. "I did not want to deal with any more reflexive jujitsu."

"To be fair, I did think you manage to block at least one of the many kicks to your face." Ignis commented.

"Yeah…" Yusaku groaned, feeling his bruised face. "At the very least, this day can't get any-…"

"WHERE'S MY BABY!?" Akira suddenly screamed, bursting through the hospital doors. "WHERE'S MY WIDDLE AOI!?" He suddenly spied the hospital bed and ran up to it, "AOI! AOI! CAN YOU HEAR ME!? DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IF YOU ARE WELL AND TRULY DEAD!"

Aoi remained motionless.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Akira screamed as a few doctors shoved him away.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to please calm down!" An angry nurse scolded. "You're not helping anything."

"Don't worry, Aoi!" Akira promised, ignoring the doctors as they wheeled Aoi away. "Just you wait! I'll take revenge on Playmaker for you and magically bring you back! You hear me, Playmaker! I will destroy you! I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR THIS!"

"I'd…better get going." Yusaku mumbled to himself before turning to walk away.

Suddenly Akira's hand slammed against Yusaku's shoulder, stopping him before he could get away.

"So anyway," Akira continued, voice and expression completely friendly and pleasant. "I forgot to thank you for being such a gentleman and bringing Aoi here."

"Oh…it was nothing…really." Yusaku uncomfortably mumbled before adding, "Nothing but a pain in the butt." under his breath.

"Oh nonsense!" Akira laughed, "I really appreciate it! It was nice to know someone was looking out for my sister. Not that you two were even remotely close to anything like boyfriend and girlfriend. **_RIGHT!?"_** Akira finished in an utterly demonic voice, grip around Yusaku's shoulder tightening significantly.

"We're just classmates." Yusaku squeaked, feeling sweat trickle down his forehead.

"Oh, that's good to know." Akira laughed, "You know I **_REALLY_** love Aoi, and wouldn't want **_ANYTHING_** or **_ANYBODY_** to hurt her. That's why I've sworn to utterly destroy Playmaker both body and soul when I find him!"

"Haw, haw…yeah." Yusaku nervously laughed.

"So…what did you say your name was again?" Akira asked, pleasant smile widening.

"Yusaku." Yusaku nervously replied. "My name's Fujiki Yusaku and definitely not Playmaker."

 **YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED OPENING THEME SONG!**

(But there's a Muddar Flippin' JoJo's Reference hidden inside)

 **Accussesu, KAKEDASE DATA STORM!**

 **Ima, WITH THE WIND, kokoro to link shite!**

 **KASOKUSHITA DATA STORM!**

 **Ima WIN THE RACE! Tsunagaru sekai.**

 **Atarashii donna tokimo, hukanou nannte nai!**

 **Kono saki no kibou mezashite!**

 **kaze ni notte i-**

 **SONO CHI NO SADAME!**

 **YU-GI-OOOOOOOOOOOOH!**

* * *

As he watched his comatose sister lie on the hospital bed, Akira spent his time thinking, thinking _really_ hard, about how exactly he was going to get his revenge against Playmaker. However, the task eventually proved to be way too difficult for him, so he instead decided to practice his ABCs. He had just barely managed to remember which letter came after "H," when he was interrupted in his thoughts by two doctors approaching him.

"We've just finished examining her. For the time being, your sister's condition is stable." The doctor in front informed him.

"Who the heck are you guys supposed to be?" Akira asked.

"The doctor in charge of Aoi's care?" the lead doctor replied, with a confused expression on his face.

"And you?" Akira asked, looking at the female doctor with suspicious dual-colored hair that made her stand out from the regular background characters.

"I'm Dr. Vyra." She replied. "I'm a regular doctor and, spoiler alert in case you haven't seen episode 22 yet, I'm most definitely not a Knight of Hanoi."

"Oh well, that's good to know." Akira sighed, all traces of suspicion in his face vanishing. "So did you guys figure out what was wrong with her?"

"We really couldn't find any external injuries." The male doctor admitted. "We think it might be something wrong with her brain."

"Almost as if someone planted a computer virus in it." Vyra added, "A technology which, by the way, the Knights of Hanoi most definitely do not have."

"Well, that rules out the Knights of Hanoi." Akira mused. "Then it must mean that Playmaker really did do it! It's the only possible explanation! Imma see what my Chess Piece bosses have to say about this!"

"You're what now?" the lead doctor asked.

"Super cool secret Sol Tech stuff you shouldn't have heard about!" Akira replied as he hurried back to Sol HQ.

* * *

"So…let me get this straight." Bishop sighed, as Akira related his conclusions to them, "Not only did you let your sister run amok in Link VRAINS, terrifying our clients…"

"Uh huh." Akira replied, nodding his head.

"…but this same sister of yours suddenly acquired a virus from a mysterious person…"

"Uh huh." Akira nodded.

"…a virus that shut down her brain…"

"Yep." Akira affirmed, giving them a thumbs-up.

"…something that is right up the Knights of Hanoi's alley…"

"Definitely." Akira agreed.

"…and you're conclusion is that Playmaker is the one who did it." Bishop finished.

"I am ninety-four percent certain!" Akira replied with confidence.

The other chess pieces looked at each other.

"Zaizen…" Bishop sighed, "…you know I like you…I really do…"

"We're the best of friends." Akira replied, nodding his head.

"Right." Bishop sighed, "But between the massive spending deficits and the…ahem…numerous security breaches…well…how do I put this tactfully?"

"You're being demoted." Rook bluntly replied.

"So…does this mean I _don't_ get that pay raise we talked about?" Akira asked.

"When did we talk about that?" Bishop asked.

"Oh right…" Akira remembered, "…that was all in my head. Never mind. I…I guess I'll just…awkwardly…leave then?"

"Please tell me you and Ema are not gonna go on a wild goose chase looking for Playmaker." Bishop sighed.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Akira asked, looking deeply shocked. "No, I've course I'm not gonna ask Ema Bessho to-

"-and that is why I am specifically asking you, Ema Bessho, to help me on this great and noble quest!" Akira finished, secretly meeting with Ema Bessho.

"What are you asking me to do?" Ema asked, looking at Akira with a confused expression. "You just kind of paused and then said, '-and that is why I am specifically asking you, Ema Bessho, to help on this great and noble quest!' like there was some kind of background conversation I was supposed to be aware of."

"Oh right!" Akira replied, smacking his forehead with his palm. "You didn't get to see what I said before the dash!"

"What?" Ema asked.

"I'm basically needing you to help me whack Playmaker." Akira explained.

"And why are you suddenly interested in killing him?" Ema asked. "Not that I'm objecting or anything, just curious."

"For all my life," Akira explained, clenching his fist for emphasis, "I have loved my sister, and vowed, VOWED, that nobody would harm her! To that end, I made sure to carefully bubble wrap her bedroom and lock the door tightly so that she would never meet anyone! ESPECIALLY a boyfriend!"

"Uh-huh." Ema replied, nodding her head, "So…basically…Playmaker comes into this because…?"

"Because just when I'm on the edge of my seat, happy to see Blue Angel socializing with a boy in Link VRAINS, that jerk says to her face, 'I don't love you!' thus ruining all my PlaymakerXBlue Angel shipping dreams!" Akira roared.

Ema looked at Akira, put up a finger as if she were about to speak, paused again, and then said:

"I'm confused. So…are you mad because you're overprotective of Aoi and you feel like Playmaker threatens to breach your protective bubble…or…are you mad because Playmaker _didn't_ breach your protective bubble and get closer to your sister?"

"Yes." Akira replied simply.

"Don't you think that's a little…contradictory?" Ema asked.

"Con-what?" Akira asked, looking confused.

"You know what, never mind." Ema sighed. "How much money are we talking about for this job?"

"Actually…" Akira slowly replied, "I've kind of been financially cut off…so…I was thinking you could just help me for old time's-…"

Ema began revving up the motor on her bike.

"Wait, wait, WAIT!" Akira begged, hastily jumping on Emma's bike and grabbing the tire.

"Please get off." Ema sighed, "I don't want to have to wash this thing again."

"Come on, baby!" Akira protested, "You and I are real close friends, right? Like Romeo and Juliet…or…or…like Antony and Cleopatra!"

"You know all those relationships ended in tragedy, right?" Ema deadpanned.

"The point being," Akira continued, completely undeterred, "That we are really close to one another. You and I are like…like this!" Akira added, entwining his index and middle fingers.

"Yeah…" Ema replied, rolling her eyes, "You know I've been selling your secrets to the Sol executives, right?"

"What?" Akira asked, looking utterly crushed. "But how could you betray me, baby?"

"First, stop calling me 'baby,' hon." Ema sighed, trying to let the well-meaning man-child down gently, "Second…you do know that I'm a backstabbing cutthroat mercenary, right?"

"You know, even though your mouth makes a lot of funny noises I don't understand, I still think you're very pretty." Akira breathed.

"And I'm officially done here." Ema grunted, twisting the accelerator.

"WAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIT!" Akira wailed, digging his feet into the ground and preventing Ema from moving.

"Wow. You're persistent. I'll give you that." Ema shrugged, rummaging through her bedazzled-with-real-diamonds purse for her Taser.

"I'll give you the Ignis!" Akira shouted, before Ema could shock him.

"What was that?" Ema asked, cocking her head to one side, while idly fingering her Taser.

"You help me punish Playmaker, I pay you with the really valuable Ignis." Akira repeated.

"Smart move." Ema mused, putting away her weapon, "Which is saying a lot considering it's you. Anything specific you're needing from me?"

"I'm honestly leaving the trap design up to you." Akira shrugged, "I'm just needing it fast!"  
"Yeesh." Ema grumbled, as she whipped out a hand-held computer and began whipping a program up. "With the amount of enemies Playmaker makes on a daily basis, I'm surprised the guy's still alive."

* * *

"So I'm thinking that we stop screwing around and just send in our best knight to kill Playmaker once and for all." Revolver schemed, addressing his dad, Dr. Kogami.

"Oh really?" Dr. Kogami sarcastically replied, "And who might this 'best knight' be, may I ask?"

"Me!" Revolver proudly proclaimed, pointing to himself, "I shall personally lead the charge against Playmaker, defeating him in an epic one-on-one duel and destroying the evil A.I. once and for all for the sake of JUSTICE!"

"Oh look at you," Dr. Kogami scoffed, "my little boy's grown up to be a regular superhero. Shall I fetch you your side-kick Mr. Shooty McShoot-Face Dragon?"

"Dad…he's called, 'Varrell Reload Dragon!'" Revolver protested.

"When you were six, and I was still alive, you called him Mr. Shooty McShoot-Face Dragon." Dr. Kogami grunted.

"Dad, seriously, I've grown up since then." Revolver huffed, folding his arms.

"That's debatable." Dr. Kogami sighed. "And at any rate, how exactly do you plan on luring out Playmaker for this epic duel anyway?"

"Well…uhm…you see…" Revolver hesitantly replied, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"We gave Blue Angel one of those cards of darkness you created!" Specter called from the background.

"Dang it, Specter!" Revolver shouted, "What did I tell you about ratting me out!?"

"I'm sorry!" Specter wailed, "I just _really_ don't want to get on Dr. Kogami's bad side again!"

"You idiots stole my Card of Darkness without permission!?" Dr. Kogami growled. "You both had better pray that you didn't actually give that card to someone who could cause us any trouble!"

"Well…" Revolver began.

"We gave it to Blue Angel because we thought it would be a good idea, but it didn't even work and now she's in a coma, and it's all really bad because Sol Technologies will probably retaliate against us, and she'll come back seeking revenge, and we all screwed up big time!" Specter bawled.

Revolver pinched his forehead with exasperation.

"Gosh…dang it…Specter." He groaned.

Dr. Kogami's face had flushed a bright red.

"Knight of Hanoi #78, would you kindly come here?" he asked, as a Knight of Hanoi hastily stepped forward before saluting.

"PrettyLady96 reporting for duty!" The Knight intoned, "An example of what sir?"

Dr. Kogami pressed a button on a holographic screen, instantly deleting the screaming Knight's virtual (and real) body from existence.

Revolver began sweating.

"See that, Revolver?" Dr. Kogami asked, "That's you, if you don't clean up your mess and destroy the Ignis within the next four episodes."

"Yes sir!" Revolver squeaked, hastily saluting before leaving his dad's presence.

* * *

"So I think I've figured it out." Soichi mused.

"Figured what out?" Yusaku asked, idly browsing through "Epic Fail" videos with Soichi's computer.

"Why Aoi still hasn't awoken from her coma!" Ignis snapped, "Seriously, have you been paying attention at all!?"

Yusaku finished writing up a comment, which explaining in three reasons why the video and its creator sucked. "Who's Aoi again?" he asked when he had finished.

"ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!?" Shoichi and Ignis screamed in unison.

"Kidding guys." Yusaku sighed, rolling his eyes with exasperation, "Of course I freaking know who Aoi is. So…what did you geniuses figure out?"

"Well, Ai was telling me about what happened when he absorbed all the bad data from Blue Angel's avatar," Shoichi began.

"And I told him that I thought it was weird that Blue Angel had all that bad data inside of her." Ignis interrupted, "I mean, who honestly could be _that_ evil?"

"I can think of a few people." Yusaku lazily yawned, scrolling through a few more boring videos before Shoichi angrily shut off the screen, much to Yusaku's annoyance.

"So anyway," Shoichi angrily growled, before Yusaku could interrupt, "We figured that since we know that card she had was from the Knights of Hanoi…"

"When did we figure that out?" Yusaku grumbled, still wondering why he needed to care about any of this.

"Then we figured," Shoichi continued, ignoring Yusaku, "that they must have implanted a computer virus in her brain, preventing her from waking up."

"And if anyone should have a virus removal program," Ignis continued, "It would be the Knights of Hanoi."

"Great." Yusaku shrugged, leaning back on his chair. "You guys are really smart."

Shoichi and Ignis stared at him.

"So…aren't you going to…I don't know…confront Hanoi so that you can save your girlfriend, Aoi?" Shoichi asked.

"First," Yusaku grumbled, holding up a finger, "She's not my girlfriend. I said that on live television. Second, even assuming that you guys are right, what makes you think I'd want to engage in any more lame duels with the Knights of Hanoi? And Third, I got Aoi to the hospital already. I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Oh come on!" Shoichi exclaimed. "Do you honestly think Aoi is just gonna hop right back up, log into Link VRAINS, and challenge you to a re-match!?"

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A REMATCH, PLAYMAKER!" Blue Angel screamed from the monitor as she randomly appeared in Link VRAINS.

"Well what do you know?" Yusaku shrugged, honestly just as surprised as Shoichi and Ignis.

"It's a fake." Shoichi mumbled.

"Definitely a fake." Ignis agreed.

"You should totally confront her, Yusaku." Shoichi added.  
"Or, and here me out…" Yusaku countered, "…what if…we're _not_ complete idiots and we _don't_ spring one of these stupid traps like we do EVERY SINGLE TIME!"

"The deadline is tomorrow." Shoichi deadpanned. "Looks like you'll be doing some free advertising for me."

"And again, I feel like I'm the protagonist who's forced to move the plot forward no matter what he wants." Yusaku grumbled before getting up from his chair. "FINE! I'll spring this stupid trap! But when I actually save Aoi and get a lock of her hair from her out of gratitude, then don't expect me to show you any mercy!"

"I've already got the hot-dog suit ready." Shoichi smirked.

"I helped him design it." Ignis added with a smirk.

"And muted." Yusaku spat, shutting the A.I. up. "And now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, it's time to go INTOU ZUH BUH-RAINS!"

"I still don't know why he intentionally mispronounces it." Shoichi sighed, shaking his head as Yusaku entered the virtual world. "I mean, it's not like it's even funny."

Landing on top of a building, Yusaku faced, "Blue Angel."

"Okay, show me the dramatic mask pull." Yusaku sighed, wanting to get the nonsense over with as quickly as possible. "I know you're not Blue Angel."

"What could you possibly be talking about, hon?" Blue Angel purred in a husky middle-aged woman voice. "What makes you think I'm anyone other than Blue Angel?"

"Other than the more obvious reasons," Yusaku droned, rolling his eyes, "First, you haven't made one attempt to stab me yet, not that I'm complaining. Two, I know Blue Angel's still in a coma, and therefore can't be here unless she has a twin sister I don't know about. And third, well…I'm actually kind of embarrassed to admit it…but I think I've developed some kind of yandere sense as a result of dueling her."

"Yandere sense?" Blue Angel asked, looking confused.

"I'd rather not get into the details." Yusaku blushed. "Point is, I'm not feeling the same sense of imminent death and seduction I get from her."

"Well uhm, that's because…" Blue Angel began before rolling her eyes, "Oh whatever." She sighed, throwing a rose at Yusaku's feet. "Eff this. I'm just gonna capture you know."

"You're gonna what now?" Yusaku asked before suddenly getting sucked down to the ground as the surrounding area melted into an image from MC Escher's brain.

"I think we're in trouble now!" Ignis screamed, managing to unmute himself.

"OH GEE! REALLY!? NO KIDDING, SHERLOCK!" Yusaku angrily screamed.

* * *

"Whelp, Yusaku's dead." Shoichi sighed as he lost the feed to Yusaku. "Guess I'll have to find another sucker to do my dirty work for me. Real shame."

He took a sip of his soda before pouring the rest on the ground in honor of Yusaku's sacrifice. Shrugging, he looked back at the blank computer screen.

"It'd be kind of boring to miss the action." He decided, lazily hacking into another set of cameras and instantly restoring the feed. "Oh, he's not dead yet." He added when he spied Yusaku trapped in the clutches of a massive demonic hand within a gothic church.

* * *

"Why don't you show me who you are now?" Yusaku growled. "That way, I'll know _exactly_ who to kill when this is all over!"

"Awww, you're not even gonna congratulate me for making such an amazing program?" not-Blue Angel coyly replied, "I did create it just for you, after all."

"Oh gee, I sure am flattered." Yusaku grunted, struggling against the hand's grip. "I especially like how really sloppy the graphics are. Just like your actual avatar, I bet."

"Oh you're a real riot, hon." Ema smirked, as her disguise dissolved away to reveal her true identity. "Well what do you have to say about my personal appearance now?"

"Just freaking tell me who you are." Yusaku spat.

"I am Ghost Girl." Ghost Girl explained, tossing back her hair, "I am a beautiful, deadly, alluring, cut-throat, and sexy, femme fatale who enjoys the finer things in life, and her own beauty. Did I mention I was beautiful?"

"Repeatedly." Yusaku grumbled.

"Just wanting to see if you were paying attention." Ghost Girl sighed. "Anyway, nothing personal, hon, but it just so happens that I've got a job to do, and icing you happens to be the number one bulletin point listed on the job description."

"Great, a mercenary, just what I needed after the Knights of Hanoi terrorist organization, a meat-headed pro-wrestler, and a yandere." Yusaku grumbled before looking closer at Ghost Girl. "Wait a second…have I seen you from somewhere before?"

"We haven't met in real life, though I do happen to know everything about you." Ghost Girl replied with a shrug, causing Yusaku to pale, "But I was a popular Twitch streamer on VRAINS. Maybe you saw me there." She added.

"Oh yeah…I remember that." Yusaku replied, a flash of recognition appearing on his face, "You used to do those 'Let's Play VRAINS' videos where you took the renegade path. What happened to your channel?"

"I got sick of all the boys screaming, **'EXTRA THICC!'** whenever I came on." Ema sighed.

 **"EXTRA THICC!"** Akira screamed in the background.

"Like that." Ema mumbled, rolling her eyes with exasperation as Akira approached Playmaker.

"Well, as if this day couldn't get any better." Yusaku grumbled as he struggled against his restraints.

"Well, well, well, Playmaker!" Akira began, sarcastically clapping his hands together, "We meet again, at last!"

"When did we ever meet before?" Playmaker asked.

"Akira, I know you're trying, but just leave the cool lines to me. Okay, hon?" Ema whispered, gently patting Akira reassuringly on the shoulder.

"Ema, what did I say about interrupting my dramatic speech!?" Akira hissed back at her.

"Alright then." Ema shrugged, before whipping out a file and idly scraping it against her perfect nails. "I'll leave you to it then."

"So…where was I…?" Akira mumbled, looking at some notes he had written on the back of his hand.

"I think you were gonna show him the unconscious virtual avatar of your sister?" Ema asked, examining her nails, "That or you were gonna practice your evil laugh."

"Oh right, Blue Angel!" Akira recalled, snapping his fingers. "Playmaker!" he continued, dramatically sweeping his hands over to where Blue Angel lay comatose on a bed. "Do you recognize who THIS is!?"

"Just get to the point already." Yusaku grumbled.

"That's right!" Akira replied, as if he hadn't really heard Yusaku, "This is Blue Angel! The very same sweet and innocent girl you put into a coma by your foul deed!"

"'Innocent' is not really an adjective I'd use with Blue Angel, but m'kay." Yusaku shrugged, only half paying attention to Akira.

"Do you deny that it was you who did this to her!?" Akira roared.

"Yes." Yusaku flatly replied. "Now let me go."

"LIES!" Akira screamed, suddenly squeezing his fist and causing the hand holding Yusaku to squeeze him and Ignis _very_ hard.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Yusaku yelped, "Okay! No more funny business! I'll talk!"

"Do you deny that it was YOU who put Blue Angel in a coma!?" Akira growled, threatening to squeeze again.

"I have no idea what is going on with Blue Angel!" Yusaku replied, "Honest! I'm here because I was hoping I would be able to find a way to cure her!"

"Do you deny that you broke her heart on live television!?" Akira roared.

"Look, I'm sorry I made her sad, but I had to-…" Yusaku began, before Akira began squeezing him again.

"YOU DARED REFUSE BLUE ANGEL'S REQUEST TO BECOME YOUR GIRLFRIEND!?" Akira bellowed, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

"Is that what this is about!?" Yusaku screamed in pain and frustration. "FINE! If the only other option is freaking getting KILLED by you, then I'll gladly be her boyfriend!"

"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN TO BECOME MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND, YOU CREEP!" Akira screamed, squeezing Yusaku even harder.

"What…what do you want?" Yusaku gasped as the grip of the hand loosened ever so slightly.

"I want you to apologize to my precious widdle sister, and make her feel better." Akira growled.

"And give us the Ignis, don't forget about the Ignis!" Ema called back, as she idly applied some eyeliner to her face while holding up a small mirror.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay!?" Yusaku pleaded, "I honestly didn't want to hurt her feelings at first, but-…"

"Squeeze him harder." The unconscious Blue Angel whispered to Akira.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yusaku screamed as Akira complied with his sister's reflexive demand.

"Had enough?" Akira growled.

"Are we _really_ certain that Blue Angel's not just faking it!?" Yusaku furiously sputtered, before Akira began squeezing him again.

"STOP!" Yusaku bellowed, causing Akira to loosen his grip, "JUST STOP! If you really want to help Aoi, then help me find the Knights of Hanoi! She had their card, and that card is probably what put in whatever virus is keeping her from waking up! If we can find them, then we can take the virus removal program from them!"

"And why should I believe you?" Akira growled.

"Because everything he said happens to be completely true!" An epic voice boomed from overhead before a lightning bolt exploded through the roof of the church and blasted into the ground.

"No, Zeus!" Akira begged, as he shielded his eyes from the blinding light, "You promised me you wouldn't collect my soul until later!"

"How do you even function in society?" Ema asked, turning towards Akira as she shielded her own eyes.

"Again, Ema, why must you make up all these funny words?" Akira chided.

As the light faded, it revealed the figure of a tall man with epic spikey red hair, solid orange eyes, a clear helmet in front of his face, bullet-shaped earrings, and a bad-A white suit with green highlights.

"Oh great…" Yusaku groaned, "It's-…"

"Oh my gosh, it's the leader of the Knights of Hanoi, the one-and-only mysterious Revolver who's been plotting to destroy Playmaker and retrieve the Ignis from him so he can continue in his quest to destroy all virtual reality from the very beginning! Wow, I did not see this coming!" Akira blurted, pointing wildly at Revolver and then back at Playmaker.

"Release Playmaker." Revolver ordered, not even bothering to look at Akira. "I will be the one to face him."

"Hey!" Akira protested, "I'm supposed to be the cool guy who beats Playmaker! So you can just lightning bolt your way out of here!"

"Akira, I _really_ don't think it's a good idea to piss this guy off." Ema warned.

"Oh come on!" Akira laughed. "What's this joker gonna do? Smite me with the powers of God or something?"

"Funny, I was thinking I'd do something just like that." Revolver shrugged before stretching out his hand and unleashing a vortex of data storm winds in Akira and Ema's direction, obliterating the entire back of the chapel.

"HA! Missed me!" Akira defiantly called.

"I was trying to intimidate you, not kill you." Revolver deadpanned.

"BOCK! BOCK! CHICKEN! CHICKEN!" Akira mocked, flapping his arms to his sides, "OOH! I bet you can't hit me with your air-bending now because you're still chicken!"

"SHUT UP, AKIRA!" Ema and Yusaku both bellowed in unison.

"You too, Ema!?" Akira whimpered, looking utterly heartbroken.

"Just be quiet and let the adults in the room speak for once!" Ema growled.

"Okay…I get it then…I can tell when I'm not wanted." Akira bawled, deactivating the program holding Yusaku. "I'll just…go then!" he finished, running to the nearest corner of the church to begin weeping, while Yusaku and Ema rolled their eyes.

"Thank you for shutting him up." Revolver sighed. "Now, we can move on to the important matters." He continued, turning to address Yusaku. "As you may know, I am the leader of the Knights of Hanoi. The big cheese, the head honcho, the final boss. Up till this point, I've been going easy on you, Playmaker, letting you build up XP by allowing you to grind against smaller insignificant opponents. That, however, is about to change."

"What? Did you finally run out of widdle Knights for you to throw at me?" Yusaku mocked.

"On the contraire," Revolver replied with a smirk, "one Knight stands before you, and frankly, he's the only one you should be concerned about."

"Oh really? Well where is he!?" Yusaku sarcastically exclaimed, holding his hand over his eyebrows while making an exaggerated search of the room with his eyes. "Because all I can see right in front of me is another basement dwelling, live action role-playing, noob."

"I suppose it would be hard for skill-less poser, like yourself, who relies on Storm Access to win every single duel he's been a part of to recognize true talent." Revolver shot right back with a smirk.

"Ooh! BURN!" Ignis called, causing Yusaku to glare at him.

"And Ignis." Revolver continued, staring at the A.I. with pure hatred. "It's been…what? Five years since I last destroyed your world? You've lost a lot of weight since then. Why don't I help you trim down the rest?"

"I've actually been on a special diet since then." Ignis growled. "Why don't you come real close, and I'll show you what it is."

"How about a counteroffer?" Revolver smugly suggested, "You see, Playmaker, I have no idea if an unskilled, what was the term you used for me again? Noob? Could possibly understand what was going on, but the A.I. you currently carry with you has the potential to bring about the total annihilation of humanity. And _that,"_ he continued, clenching his fist, "is something I will _not_ allow."

"Even if I did care about humanity." Yusaku replied, "What makes you think I'll just hand over my personal slave?"

"Hey!?" Ignis protested.

"Absolutely nothing." Revolver smirked, "Nothing that is, except your own honor as a duelist."

"What are you proposing?" Yusaku asked, looking at Revolver warily.

"What does anyone in this world ever propose?" Revolver replied, dramatically spreading out his hands, "Simply put, I am challenging you to a duel, Playmaker. Defeat me, and I will not only allow you to keep that abominable A.I., but I will also hand over the virus removal program for Blue Angel. Lose to me, and I'll keep the program and claim you're A.I."

"Wow! You're challenging Playmaker to a duel already!?" Ignis exclaimed, "Really!? But…you just said you were like the final boss! Aren't we usually supposed to wait for…I don't know…two more seasons of filler content before the epic climactic showdown!?"

"I prefer to take a more proactive approach." Revolver replied. "And besides, I've already wounded Playmaker's pride. Are you really going to let my challenge go unanswered?"

Yusaku clenched his fists.

"No. No I'm not." Playmaker growled, pointing his finger at Revolver, "I honestly don't care who you are but first, nobody calls me 'skill-less' and gets away with it. Second, I've still got a bet to win. And third…" he paused, narrowing his eyes, "You crossed a line, buddy. I may not be the nicest guy in Link VRAINS, but if you think I'm gonna sit around and let you harm Aoi, then you've got another thing coming. Tormenting her is my job, and my job alone."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww…" Blue Angel reflexively cooed.

"That…was actually probably the nicest things you've ever said." Ignis observed with surprise.

"I have my moments." Yusaku mumbled.

"So it's a deal then." Revolver replied with a grin. "I look forward to our exciting duel!"  
"Me too." Yusaku replied, "I look forward to-…"

"Is what I would say," Revolver interrupted, "if I actually thought you were gonna be a challenge. However, first, I already know your strategy while you know nothing about my strategy, so that's something in my favor. Second, I single-handedly nuked the entire Cyverse World on my own, while all you've managed to do so far is be a slight annoyance. And third, try catching me if you can!" he called, suddenly conjuring a tornado of data wind before lifting himself into the sky.

"I am so gonna destroy that guy." Yusaku vowed.

"So it begins!" Ignis smiled, feeling pumped, "The epic showdown we've been building up to since the first episode! Our battle will be legendary! And no amount of comedy is going to ruin and/or interrupt the flow of it!"

* * *

 **The full first ending of "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains" unedited (because it will be retired soon) *Insert crying here***

 **Odore! Sono kakato de uchinarase!**

 **Sakebe! You gotta go! Koe hariage!**

 **Utae! Sonzai wo saa tokihanate!**

 **Get away! Kakageta genkai koeru made!**

 **Nandodemo try it! (Try it!)**

 **Hatashinaku hirogatte yuku!**

 **Sekai no nakade!**

 **Kagirinaku tsunagatte yuku**

 **Timeline no nagare**

 **Tashika na koto nadanoi**

 **Kono kodoku na jidai**

 **Mayowasu set yourself free!**

 **'Cause we still believe in magic!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

* * *

 **And it's finally done! Cliffhanger time! Also, hiatus time since I'll be working on "Signs of Renewal" now! YAAAAAAAAAAY!**

 **Thank you all once again for reading. Also, special thanks to a certain guest who pointed out a mistake in chapter 5. That has now been fixed. And now, oh my gosh, it's REVIEW TIME!**

 **Here the reviews!**

 **Without previews!**

 **They make me wanna sing the blues!**

 **When they come I wanna scream,**

 **REEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWS!**

darkmist111 chapter 6 . Oct 11

Wow Yusaku really painted himself into a corner with this one. His options are A save Aoi out of guilt and by giving her a spark of hope cause her to keep pursuing him until he gives into stoickholm syndrome/fan demand. Or B leave her to die a become even more irredeemable than Kaz from SAO Abridged.  
Either way I'm rooting for you Aoi Angel!

 **Blue Angel: And I'm rooting for you too, darkmist111! Stockholm syndrome is the best! I'm sure my darling Yusaku-waku will develop it very soon with a little more time in my basement dungeon.**

Kyrus Darkblade chapter 6 . Oct 10

Jesus, Blue. Could we... talk about this? Please? I promise I'll be nice

 **Blue Angel: Sorry! Can't talk now! Busy being in a coma! Byeeeeeeee!**

Tim chapter 6 . Oct 9

*Tims Grave is shown*  
Timothy Taylor  
Yugioh Vrains Abridged Chapters One to Five  
'Only 144 to go. Goodbye Donny'

 **No. No. You do NOT get to die, Tim! You signed the contract! You are bound to do push-ups for one-hundred and fifty chapters! THAT was our agreement! Death, is NOT a legitimate way to get out of it.**

 ***Touches Tim's grave and activates his necromantic powers***

 **Rise now, Tim! RISE! Rise as a new Dark Signer who is forever cursed to do push-ups for the sake of my entertainment! AH! HAW! HAW! HAW! HAAAAAAAAAAAW!**

Unknowedz chapter 6 . Oct 9

(WARNING: PURE BULLSHIT REVIEW INCOMING THEY SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY)  
1\. Aoi is never a counterpart of Zarc in the first place. She is just a Ripoff to Zarc who happens to be a ripoff to Zorc. Also, she should try becoming decode's GF seeing as decode loves it so much.  
2\. Yusaku, you may be a cool Yugioh Protaganist, but you can never stand up to Yusei. Also, Ignis is already so much better than you, hell, Ignis would have already become the best protagonist in yugioh of he were to be a protaganist. The AI freaking got laid in 3-4 episodes. All Yugioh Protaganists should be ashamed of themselves.

3\. (Ok,this one is a serious one) Good Chapter as always. Yusaku had enough of Aoi's torture. At this rate which its pretty much certain, Yusaku has to wear dog-suits and flipping signs for free in 2 weeks.

 **WARNING! TOTALLY TAKING ALL YOUR B.S. SERIOUSLY!**

 **1.** **Oh really!? Well if YOU'RE so smart, why don't YOU write this series!?**

 **2.** **Yusaku, Yuya, Yuma, Yusei, Jaden, and Yugi: *Speaking the vow in unison* I am a Yu-gi-oh protagonist! Not a mindless sex machine! If I am to maintain this image, I must always maintain my own indifference! Lead female characters are friends, not lovers!**

 **3.** **Thanks for the review!**

Basher chapter 6 . Oct 9

Sorry Go, I was referring to the fact that abridged Asuna is a tiny bit racists, although its not intentional. And that for Go's cheery personality and Asuna's life, the two probably shouldn't meet.

 **Go: Yeah…that'd probably be bad…**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 6 . Oct 9

Aelita: Yusaku, if you want someone being a jerk, try all the times Jeremie's stood me up to work on his computer. Thankfully, I have much healthier ways of coping.

Yumi: ...Aelita, why are you painting that chainsaw pink?

Aelita: No reason...

As for the chapter, I found the various sexual innuendos to be decently hilarious, mainly due to Yusaku's over-the-top reactions to every little bit of suffering. I'm also glad I don't play the game right now, I have no wish to encounter the Trickstar burn...  
I also wonder how you'll handle the SOL-investigation arc. Perhaps it will allow Aoi to exit the shell of her loneliness and end the insanity of her Blue Angel persona. Because if not, I will schedule Aoi to be run over by two associates who are also on thin ice with repeated character conflicts.

Donald: Is this Epsilon guy talking 'bout us Douggie?

Douglas: It seems so Donnie. But why's he wanting us to run over an innocent wee lass just 'cause a bunch of TV series writers can't figure out how to use us when we're nae arguin'? That's just sick.  
(Please note that I don't know how to type in Scots)

Also, with this, I hereby dub your fic the literary SAO-Abridged! Rejoice Donjusticia! You have succeeded where early VRAINS has failed! (No, VRAINS does not suck...but it does feel rather robotic whenever Ema's not around and I would've preferred more of a character focus before hitting the SOL arc.)

 **I have no idea who Donald and Douglas are but, YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS! TAKE THAT OTHER VRAINS ABRIDGERS!**

Mefist Dragon chapter 6 . Oct 9

Encode Talker: De...Sit down...Ex and I need to address your...certain...habits of as of recent.

Excode Talker: It's about your Ra-damn kinks, bro.

Encode: EX! TOO SOON!

Excode: What? You're just gonna dance around it so I had to get to the point!

 **Holly Angel: Lycoris…sit down…Cattail Devil and I need to talk to you about your…naughtiness!**

 **Lycoris: Am I going to be punished?**

 **Cattail Devil: *Says nothing, just begins laughing insanely***

 **Thanks for the review! And a hilarious one at that!**

alanvaladez chapter 6 . Oct 8

Can't say that i blame yusaku for his actions...o wait, i acn 3:) *Pulls out torch and trident, looks behind him at a mob of a few 100 ppl.* guys its hunting season.

In all seriousness tho, funny chapter haha when i saw the title it reminded me of 50 shades of gray, the book not that bs of an attempt of a movie. Yes i did read the book and liked it, good content if you know what i mean ;) haha xD

Hopefully the next ch. Doesnt take too long to come out...*looks at computer with an un-updated fanfiction story since 5 months ago* yhea *cough* hopefully you are more responsible. *cough*

 **HA! NOT AS LONG A WAIT! GOAL REACHED!**

 **Just please don't mention "Sings of Renewal" now. I'm gonna work on it now! PROMISE!**

FurySong chapter 6 . Oct 8

YOU MADE AOI CRY *Shoves shotgun barrel into Yusaku's mouth* HOW DARE YOU!

 **Revolver: *Removes the shotgun from Yusaku's mouth.* Please, Furysong. Allow me to personally punish Playmaker for you.**

Future Playmaker chapter 6 . Oct 8

Loved it, thanks for that reference and yes yusaku you are going to get flak from that. After seeing episode 19 and yusaku's past I can see blue angel/Aoi get mad after hearing about the incident because of how wrong it is (only she can do that to yusaku) and also attempt to comfort (seduce) him. Looking forward to your next update.

 **Yusaku: I am not looking forward to that episode.**

 **Blue Angel: Awwwwwwww…but everyone knows that hugs and kisses are the best medicine for depression!**

 **Yusaku: Blue Angel…no.**

 **Blue Angel: Blue Angel…yes!**

Quasar Blue chapter 6 . Oct 8

Blue Angel, while it's nice you'll consider me, I have 4 things to say:

1\. Will we have a good time? I.E, doin' other...kinky stuff?

2\. How are you able to talk to us if you pretty much fell in a coma due to Yusaku being a prick?

3\. That nine tails thing sounds a LOT less painful.

4\. Can...can I spank YOU on the butt?

 **Blue Angel: Tee-hee! Four answers then!**

 **1.** **Oh it depends…*conjures her whip*…how fun a time are you willing to have?**

 **2.** **Aoi's reflexes have been carefully adapted to respond to many situations.**

 **3.** **Really? I can't believe I'm not the only one who agrees! I just can't seem to convince Yusaku.**

 **4.** **Touch Aoi on the butt and you will die.**

SSJGamerYT chapter 5 . Oct 8

*CorinneTheAnime sorry typo

SSJGamerYT chapter 6 . Oct 8

I literally just read the 5th chapter today and than you update the 6th one. Damn that feeling feels good. Loved both chapters, that TFS references was great, probably my favorite TFS joke yet so very happy you included it in here and Yusaku vs Aoi was great too. I died of laughter on the Yusaku rejecting Aoi part. I'm looked at ur profile, and honestly, there's isn't a lot of Arc-V fanfics that you read, and most of them are from Shimmering-Sky, Corrine and Nox Descious. Don't get me wrong, those guys are wonderful authors but it's just that they aren't many other Arc-V fanfics that you read, and it's kind of a shame that you didn't really recognize them like the fanfic I mentioned back in my review for chapter 4. That fanfic is such a good story-especially now that the Zarc battle is happening-and it kinda sucks you don't even know about it.

 **Thank you very much for the review. Also, look, yes, I have seen the fanfic! It's a VERY good fanfic! Everyone go ahead and go read it! It's called, "Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V: Bonds of Pendulum." Basically, it's a rewrite of the last half of Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V but everything that sucked about the last half has been fixed! GO READ IT! REVIEW IT! BASK IN ITS GLORY! HAVE I THROWN IN ENOUGH PLUGS FOR THIS WONDERFUL FIC NOW, SSJgamerYT!?**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 6 . Oct 8

Your responses to everyone's reviews crack me up every time. I love your sense of humor, Don, and I can't wait to see more!

 **Thank you for helping me to write these things by reviewing them! Much more is yet to come!**


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Revolver: The following is a non-profit basement-dwelling fan-made parody. "Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS" and its related spin-offs turbo nerds and otakus like you love to occupy your miserably socially inept lives over, are all owned by a bunch of people who will soon be out of business once I delete the internet. Please, feel free to support the official release before your digital world comes crashing into oblivion and you're forced to take a look at your actual wasted lives.**

 **PREVIOUSLY ON YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED**

 **Yusaku: Whelp, Blue Angel's dead. I sure hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the butt later on.**

 **Akira: I am SO gonna bite Playmaker in the butt later on! And Emma is gonna help me do it!**

 **Emma: I have no idea why I agreed to any of this.**

 **Yusaku: I have no idea why I agreed to investigate the Knights of Hanoi when Aoi's definitely not coming back.**

 **Blue Angel: Hi guuuuuuuuuuuuys! I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! Why don't you come and stand on this giant red X, Playmaker?**

 **Yusaku: Oh my gosh! Blue Angel's back for real and it's totally not the exact same trap Go used on me in a previous episode! Let's rush into Link VRAINS right now!**

 **Ignis: Great idea! I'll log you in now!**

 **Yusaku: I DIDN'T MEAN IT! *Turns into Playmaker***

 **Blue Angel: Ha ha! You fell for it! I'm not really Blue Angel! *tears off her mask to reveal Ghost Girl***

 **Yusaku: Great, and who are you supposed to be?**

 **Ghost Girl: I am Ghost Girl. I am smart, cunning, attractive, beautiful, eye-catching, gorgeous, graceful, alluring, buxom, busty…**

 ***continuous listing other traits in the background***

 **Akira: And I'm also here!**

 **Yusaku: And what do you want again?**

 **Akira: To crush you with my giant demon hand.**

 **Yusaku: Your giant demon what now?**

 ***Suddenly has his spine crushed in Akira's giant hand trap***

 **Yusaku: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Emma: …hot, sexy, ten out of ten, and would totally be Donjusticia's waifu…in his wildest dreams.**

 **Yusaku: What do you want with me!? I'll do anything! Just don't squish me!**

 **Akira: It's too late for that! This show has already gone dark enough to introduce torture, and there's nobody who's going to save you when it goes even darker!**

 **Revolver: *Voice reverberating from the sky* Speaking of getting darker.**

 ***Suddenly appears in a giant flash of lightning.***

 **Revolver: Oh yeah. I'm so bad-A that I can literally teleport with the power of God.**

 **Akira: Hah! Some god, I bet you can't even destroy the world!**

 **Revolver: *Obliterates the church with a single gust of data wind***

 **Akira: Okay…now use your power to make Emma love me.**

 **Emma: HEY!**

 **Revolver: Okay, Yusaku, before this recap becomes any more nonsensical, you and I are going to begin a duel. Winner takes the Ignis, loser becomes an internet meme for the short time the internet remains.**

 **Yusaku: I am now suddenly filled with determination to defeat you, save Aoi, and bring justice to this world, despite being a snarky jerk for the first half of this series!**

 **Ignis: Really?**

 **Yusaku: No.**

 **AND NOW, BACK TO THE SHOW!**

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged Theme Song**

 **(Only it's been replaced with a parody of Guren No Yumiya to make Revolver vs. Playmaker even more stupid epic)**

 **Sie sind das essen und wir sind die Jäger!** (A clip of the Link Gate is shown before Topologic Bomber Dragon bursts out.)

 **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**

 **Wir Sind Jäger!**

 **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**

 **Wir Sind Jäger!** (Pan to show the Cyverse world in a flaming ruin.)

 **Attack on Cyverse**

 **Fumareta Hana no**

 **Nama emo Shirazu ni!**

 **Chi ni ochita Tori wa**

 **Kaze o Machiwabiru!** (Pan up to show Yusaku, Aoi, and Go standing around piles of defeated Knights of Hanoi, looking way too serious and epic as they stare at the ground.)

 **Inotta Tokoro de**

 **Nani mo Kawaranai!** (Transition to a scene of legions of Knights of Hanoi marching through Link Vrains, leaving a trail of destruction wherever they go.)

 **Ima o Kaeru no wa**

 **Tatakau Kakugo da!** (Switch to a scene of Playmaker standing at attention, right arm over his chest in salute as he looks up with his usual serious expression, which strangely enough looks EXACTLY like Eren's!)

 **Shikabane Fumikoete!**

 **Susumu Ishi o Warau Buta yo!** (Transition to rapidly flashing diagrams of Duel Boards, Yusaku's cards, Knights of Hanoi, Cracking Dragon, and Link Vrains.)

 **Kachiku no Annei**

 **Kyogi no Hanei** (Instantly transition to shots of Cracking Dragon bulldozing away VRAINS buildings as he rampages through the network.)

 **Shiseru Garou no Jiyuu o!** (Riding his board, Playmaker begins charging down at the dragon, Decode Talker following close behind with his sword raised.)

 **Torawareta Kutsujoku wa**

 **Hangeki no Koushi da**

 **Jouheki no Sono Kanata** (Following Playmaker as he rides through the city on his board are Blue Angel and Go, who fly across the city before Playmaker confronts the massive Cracking Dragon.)

 **Emono o Hofuru JÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄGEEEEEEEEER!** (With one swing of his sword, Decode Talker slices open the nape of Cracking Dragon's neck, defeating the monstrosity.)

 **Hotobashiru Shoudou ni** (Transition to an epic scene depicting Akira as he fends off an oncoming army of Knights, Tindangle hounds firing blasts of fire at the enemies like cannons.)

 **Sono Mi o Yakinagara!** (Show another quick transition, this time of Blue Angel and her Trickstars hunkering down in a wooden bunker while repelling more Knights with rifles for some reason!)

 **Tasogare ni Hi o Ugatsu**

 **Guren no Yumiyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!** (Flying through the data storm, Playmaker leaps into the air, he and Decode Talker ready to smite the Colossal Varrel Reload Dragon. Also, HEY! I GET WHY IT'S CALLED "Guren no Yumiya" NOW!)

 **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**

 **Wir Sind Jäger!** (Show a banner depicting Kusanagi's hot dog before transitioning to a shot of Go executing the slow-motion "Attack on Titan" super dodge.)

 **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**

 **Wir Sind Jäger!**

 **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**

 **Wir Sind Jäger!**

 **Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!**

 **Wir sind die Jäger!**

 **AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!** (Joining Playmaker in the air, Blue Angel, Go, Akira, Ghost Girl, Brave Max, and Kusanagi because WHY NOT, prepare to take on the infinite army of Hanoi Knights before there's a rapid-fire montage of manga clips, all of them ending in a still shot of the VRAINS defenders staring up at the eclipsing VRAINS sun.)

 **Yu Gi Oh Vrains Abridged**

 **Chapter 8: Enemy the Writers have been Hyping Up**

"So…you think Playmaker's gonna win?" Akira asked as he and Emma watched Playmaker and Revolver flying through the air on their hover boards.

"Aoi predicts that the next several episodes will follow the typical format of the main antagonist utterly dominating the hero until the hero miraculously pulls a win out of his butt." Blue Angel droned in Aoi's voice as she rested on the bed, completely comatose.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Akira shrugged.

"Did your sister just-…?" Emma began before Akira hastily brought his finger to her masked lips.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he scolded. "She's sleeping right now!"

Meanwhile, up in the air, Yusaku had managed to catch up to Revolver, who was demonstrating flying skills just a tad better than Yusaku's.

"Before I utterly humiliate you, I do have to give you some props." Revolver said with a smirk as he eyed Yusaku. "Thanks to your sheer reliance on the dumb luck of your skill, you actually managed to cause me a bit of a headache! So, congratulation, Playmaker! You are now the number one guy on my hit list! Be happy."

"Oh, don't mention it." Yusaku smirked back. "Kicking the butts of you idiotic knights has been a…well…I wouldn't necessarily say pleasure…most of my duels have been WAY too easy to even be fun…but you guys definitely gave me something to do when I was feeling a little bored."

"Oh, I am just loving your spirit!" Revolver laughed, "So unbelievably arrogant. So, tell you what, why don't we up the stakes of this game?"

"Up the stakes?" Yusaku asked, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

"Oh, it's nothing you should really worry about, an invincible duelist like you." Revolver taunted. "I'm merely proposing that in addition to putting up the Ignis and Removal Program for this gamble, we'll also be putting up our very…own…lives."

"Our lives?" Yusaku asked, paling just a bit.

"Oh yes!" Revolver laughed, enjoying Yusaku's torment. "You see, it's rather simple, really. You lose, I take the Ignis, and then I get to delete your virtual avatar and turn what's left of your conscious brain into a melted puddle of goo."

"Melted puddle of goo?" Yusaku asked, not liking where this duel was headed.

"Just think of it as your badge of honor for screwing up our plans for all those years!" Revolver laughed, "It'll be the Knights of Hanoi's little way of acknowledging your accomplishments…er…whatever those were."

"And if we win," Ignis smirked, narrowing his eye at Revolver, "then I get to devour you body and soul!"

"It's a deal then!" Revolver laughed.

"WAIT! I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS!" Yusaku sputtered far too late.

"I'm glad to see that we're all in agreement." Revolver smirked. "Shall we begin then?"

"Grrrrrr, fine!" Yusaku snapped. "I'll agree to these terms only because I know there isn't even a one percent change you're gonna beat me. But before we begin, can I ask you just one simple question?"

"Oh, my dear Playmaker, congratulations! You just did!" Revolver smirked, sarcastically clapping his hands. "Give yourself a gold star!"

"Alright, fair burn." Yusaku acknowledged, "But seriously, what's your deal? Why do you want to destroy VRAINS anyway? You know a hacker like you could probably make off with a whole lot of coin if you just planted a bit of ransomware on a few important computers."

"And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" Ignis smirked.

"Hey, I'm a single sixteen-year-old bachelor, I have to pay for tuition and rent too, you know." Yusaku shrugged.

"By 'rent' are you referring to your subscriptions to all those porn sites?" Ignis inquired.

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku growled.

"Well, as surprising as it may be to you," Revolver replied, "I actually happen to be a man of principle. And it just so happens that my principles transcend the petty need for money or internet pornography. I am doing what I am doing for one reason and one reason only. I'm not interested in ruling the network, Playmaker. Quite the contrary. My single goal is to destroy the network and all technology associated with it!"

"Say what now?" Yusaku asked, eyes widening with shock.

"Oh, he didn't just say what I thought he said." Ignis growled, eye narrowing.

"You see, Playmaker," Revolver explained, "the way I see it, technology is a plague. What on earth has the online world given to us? Nothing! Rather than living an actual life and having normal social interactions with other people, humanity has resorted to hiding behind sham identities like Playmaker, Blue Angel, or Donjusticia, and living fantasy lives whilst their actual lives deteriorate into utter nothingness as they waste away in their parents' basement! The online world has enslaved the real world, but I will free it!"

"Ok…so your real identity is a seventy-year-old Amish fanatic." Yusaku mused. "You _really_ think that technology is the root of all evil?"

"Name one good and productive thing the internet gave us." Revolver challenged.

"Well there's-…" Yusaku began.

"Hentai is not a good thing!" Revolver snapped.

"I didn't even say anything!" Yusaku groused.

"You were thinking it." Revolver huffed.

"Well what about the fact that the internet provides cheap and easily accessible goods and services to millions of people across the globe?" Yusaku asked.

"You really think that-…" Revolver began before Yusaku cut him off.

"Or the fact that the internet provides people an outlet for some of the most free and unrestricted speech and expressions of art we have ever seen?"

"I don't classify internet trolling as-…" Revolver tried to reply before he was again interrupted.

"Or the fact that that the internet provides access to almost limitless information of the user's choice at just the click of a link?" Yusaku continued.

"Oh come on! Fake news isn't-…"

"Plus there's the fact that the network created me!" Ignis added, interrupting Revolver yet again.

"YOU'RE THE WORST THING THE NETWORK EVER CREATED!" Revolver bellowed at Ignis.

"Well, he _is_ pretty annoying, but I wouldn't necessarily say he's the worst thing on the network." Yusaku replied.

"Did you just compliment me?" Ignis asked.

"I figure I ought to give you plenty of room for more failure." Yusaku shrugged.

"Ok, do you SERIOUSLY have any idea whatsoever what that Ignis is and what it plans on doing!?" Revolver sputtered.

"I don't honestly know why I should care." Yusaku replied.

"Would the destruction of the world and all of humanity possibly be a reason why you should care?" Revolver asked, narrowing his yellow eyes at Yusaku with contempt.

"Eh, there'd probably be enough world left for me to live in, plus I'd have a lot more peace and quiet if the rest of humanity was destroyed." Yusaku shrugged.

"I will enjoy watching you lose." Revolver mused to himself.

"Hah! Like that's ever gonna happen!" Yusaku laughed. "Sorry, Retarder,"

"Revolver." Revolver corrected.

"Retarder." Yusaku insisted. "But I can think of three very good reasons as to why you are never gonna beat me. First, I've been pwning you Knights of Hanoi for at least five years now, so why should you be any different? Second, I was basically trained in nothing but dueling since I was six years old, so I'm pretty certain I have an edge on you when it comes to experience. And third, I'm so OP that my skill _literally_ lets me grab whatever card I need from thin air."

"We'll, I've got one _very_ good reason why you're about to suffer the most humiliating defeat of your life at my hands." Revolver smirked.

"Yeah, like what?" Yusaku smirked back. "You've got the power of God or something?"

"How about the power of Hell?" Revolver replied with a grin.

"The power of what now?" Yusaku asked.

Revolver stretched his hand forward.

Instantly, the entire digital globe of VRAINS began trembling as fissures opened up in the ground. With a roar, molten lava gushed up from the ground like geysers, spreading fire and brimstone across the landscape as all of VRAINS became engulfed in flames. Within the crevices, the sounds of millions of screaming souls could be heard as players throughout VRAINS fell to their virtual demise.

"Okay…that's new…" Yusaku grimaced as he looked about the hellish landscape, barely managing to dodge a magma cyclone as he did.

"HAH! STILL DIDN'T HIT ME! SOME GOD YOU ARE!" Akira taunted from the ruins of the church where he, Emma, and Aoi were staying. "NEXT TIME GIVE IT YOU'RE A-GAME!"

"Do you WANT to get us all killed?" Emma snarled, "Or are you really just that stupid?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh…" Akira thought.

"Don't answer that." Ema sighed as she generated her own hoverboard before hopping onto it.

"Wait, where are you going!?" Akira asked, sounding frightened. "Don't leave me alone!"

"Oh, don't worry, hon." Emma sighed. "I'll be here in VRAINS. I'm just gonna be following the two of them and seeing what data I can collect from this mess."

"But what if you get lonely and need someone to hug?" Akira asked, holding out his arms.

"That was about as much the exact opposite of subtle as you could get, onii-sama." Aoi muttered from her comatose state.

"You take care of your brother, Aoi." Emma sighed.

"You mean I'll take care of Aoi?" Akira asked.

"Yeah…no." Emma replied before zooming off on her board.

"I like her so much." Akira sighed as he watched Emma fly away. "What do you think my chances are with her, sis?"

"Aoi thinks Akira has just as much of a chance to make Emira canon as any Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist did of making their romantic pairings canon." Aoi droned, lips moving while the rest of her remained completely unconscious.

"That good huh?" Akira smiled. "That's nice to hear. For a second I was worried that Emma might meet some other cool dude up there, thus creating a highly contrived and extremely unnecessary love triangle!"

"Aoi is both impressed that her brother knows the meaning of all the words in the sentence he just used, and incredulous that he would think that this series would resort to creating a love triangle, just to generate some extra drama. Seriously, what are the chances of that happening, in the middle of an epic duel of all places." Unconscious Aoi muttered to herself as she remained completely and utterly brain-dead.

 **MEANWHILE!**

Over at the hot-dog van, Shoichi was desperately trying to establish a feed with Yusaku, growing increasingly frustrated as he continued to see nothing but static.

"It's just no fun if I can't record the whole thing to use as blackmail later." Shoichi groused as he tried a few more commands without success. "If there was just one person out there with a working camera, I'd pay that person top dollar to see the feed."

"Top dollar, huh?" A message from a person named Ghostgirl asked in the chat stream before the avatar of an extremely foxy and single woman about Shoichi's age appeared on the screen before the woman began waving back at him. "Well, how much exactly is top dollar, hon?"

Licking his hand, Shoichi proceeded to slick back his hair before typing in a reply.

"I don't know. What exactly are you looking for from a guy like me?" Shoichi replied, adding in a smirk emoji.

"How much you got in the bank?" Ghostgirl replied, adding in a coy smile emoji.

"Oh, I've got a lot in me." Shoichi replied, "Why don't you come over and I'll make a deposit?" he finished, tacking on a sunglasses emoji.

"I'll need to examine the payment first." Ghostgirl replied, adding a wink emoji.

"Oh, you can examine it all you want." Shoichi replied, a rascally grin coming over his face as he added an emoji with a smug expression.

"Well, put a little cash where your mouth is, and I think we'll be getting along just fine." Ghostgirl replied, a kissy emoji tacked on at the end of her message, just before the url to a money sharing website appeared.

"SCORE!" Shoichi thought to himself as he clicked on the link while watching the duel through Ghostgirl's camera.

"Sucker." Emma thought to herself as she collected all of Shoichi's bank account info.

 **Meanwhile, back at the plot!**

"So, you got any strategy for beating this guy?" Ignis asked as Yusaku followed close behind Revolver.

"Well, if I'm remembering correctly, the Knight I dueled when I kidnapped you said that Revolver had given him Cracking Dragon. That probably means that, in addition to that stupid card, Revolver probably has a few slightly stronger monsters." Yusaku mused. "So, I probably won't just be able to spam a bunch of Link Monsters and crush him on my first turn like I normally do with my opponents."

"So, what do you plan on doing?" Ignis asked.

"Spam a bunch of Link monsters and crush him on my second turn." Yusaku yawned. "Yep. This'll definitely be the most challenging battle I have had yet."

"At least we can agree on one of those things." Revolver sneered before beginning his turn. "My move! I'll start by paying one-thousand life points in order to activate a continuous spell card that will provide me with an incredibly powerful effect!"

"Yeesh, play DDD much?" Yusaku smirked.

"DDD?" Revolver asked, sounding very confused.

"DDD." Yusaku affirmed with a nod of his head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Revolver replied.

"DDD, you know, Akaba Reiji…grey hair…wears glasses…sort of overpowered…has a demeanor somewhat similar to your own?" Yusaku asked, trying to help Revolver grasp the reference.

"Yeah, I don't get it." Revolver replied, shaking his head. "Is this supposed to be one of those stupid internet memes or something?"

"Right, I'm fighting a digitally inept internet hater." Yusaku sighed. "This duel just keeps getting more and more boring."

"Oh, well if it's excitement you're wanting, then how about this?" Revolver smirked. "Twice per turn, Dragonoid Generator allows me to summon a Dragonoid Token in attack position!"

"And why should I care about that?" Yusaku asked as two little dragon statues appeared to Revolver's field.

"Well, I just thought that you and that A.I. of yours ought to have a reunion with an old friend." Revolver smirked.

"An old friend?" Ignis asked.

"You may remember him." Revolver smirked. "Big guy. Not too bright. Really friendly, most of the time. Though I seem to recall him growing a lot darker and more vengeful as of late, something to do with two idiots smashing him over the head with Decode Talker's sword. Oh, but what am I talking about? I'm sure it wasn't the two of you!"

"Oh my gosh, he cannot be serious." Yusaku grumbled.

"No! No! No!" Ignis protested, shaking his eye back and forth. "For the love of all that is holy, please don't-…!"

"Say 'hi' to Cracking Dragon!" Revolver invited as he tributed his two tokens before summoning his giant mechanical dragon, which smashed its face through one of the skyscrapers.

"HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'S CRACKEY!" Cracking Dragon roared as he barreled onto the dueling field, mechanical face contorted with rage as he stared down at the puny forms of Yusaku and Ignis.

"Well, I think I'll just let the three of you catch up." Revolver smirked, ending his turn as Cracking Dragon advanced on Yusaku and Ignis. "Have fun!"

"If you really think I'm just gonna roll over and lose when I beat this loser of a dragon before then-…" Yusaku began, drawing his card before Revolver interrupted him.

"Oh, and by the way." Revolver laughed. "I almost forgot to tell you! Because I'm feeling in such a generous mood right now, I've decided to use my Dragonoid Generator's effect to summon two tokens to YOUR field! Aren't I a nice guy?"

"Wow! That is really nice!" Ignis exclaimed. "Those tokens will be very useful for when we-…"

"Cracking Dragon, crush them." Revolver quickly ordered, interrupting Ignis before the A.I. and Yusaku got blasted back as Cracking Dragon angrily activated his effect, reducing their Life Points to 3600.

"Yeah…real generous move there." Yusaku grumbled. "And a really stupid one too. Not only did you manage to reduce my life points by a measly 400, meaning that I am still WAY in the lead, but you also gave me free materials! So, you know what time it is, Retarder?"

"Revolver!" Revolver corrected.

"It's time to RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku declared as he used one of the tokens to summon Link Spider.

"Awwww…a wittle wobot spider with wheels." Revolver mocked. "What are you gonna do with it? Have it-…?"

"RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku declared again, summoning a bunch more monsters before Link Summoning Honeybot.

"Oh, another one?" Revolver asked, arching his eyebrow. "Well, I suppose it makes sense, I mean, you have-…"

"RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku declared a third time, summoning Decode talker to his field.

"…done this before." Revolver finished with a sigh. "Ok, good moves, Playmaker. But you do realize that Cracking Dragon's effect has smacked you down to 2800 Life Points, right?"

"Yeah, you've got a 200 Life Point lead, congratufreakinglations." Yusaku groused.

"More importantly," Revolver continued, indicating the stats of their monsters. "your Life Points are now just low enough for me to take you down with one direct attack. Plus, even after all that monster spamming, your so-called ace monster doesn't even have enough ATK to destroy my monster! Great job, Playmaker. You've managed to show off your skill AND fall short! Give yourself a medal."

"How about I give my Decode Talker a little something I like to call POWER INTEGRATION!" Yusaku declared as Decode Talker's ATK rose to 2800.

"Uh, Playmaker?" Revolver asked, looking a little concerned. "I feel sympathy for you and your tiny brain, I really do, but I'm afraid math is still math, and unless I'm hugely mistaken, 2800 is still less than 3000. Face it, my Cracking Dragon is still stronger."

"Yes, I am stronger now, Decode Talker!" Cracking Dragon roared in agreement. "I haven't forgotten our last battle! That's why I chose not to summon myself directly in front of your Link point like a total scrub this time! And now, with your effect only granting you a measly 500 ATK, I shall crush you and have my revenge!"

"Well I think my giant pluggy scorpion thingy would like to disagree with you!" Yusaku countered as he tributed his Dragonoid Token to summon Capacitator Stalker.

"HAH! FOOL!" Cracking Dragon roared. "Did you forget about my effect!? Now suffer as your monster's high level forces you to take 1000 damage!"

Roaring at Yusaku, Cracking Dragon, forced him back on his board, reducing his life points to 1800.

"You're finished now!" Cracking Dragon exulted.

"Sore wah doh kana?" Yusaku smirked, using one of his favorite most over-used lines. "True, I did take a hit on my life points, but…I think I'll be the one with the advantage once Cracking Dragon's gone."

"And how could you possibly defeat me, puny mortal!?" Cracking Dragon laughed, clapping his metallic fins together with maniacal mechanical glee.

"Your metabolic steroids, sir?" Capacitator Stalker asked as he jammed his needles into Decode Talker, boosting Decode Talker's ATK to 3600.

"Hey, Cracking Dragon, remember me?" Decode Talker asked as he flexed his biceps while hefting his massive two-handed sword.

"Mommy." Cracking Dragon squeaked.

"EKAY! DECODOH TALKA!" Yusaku ordered, going full Japanese as he slaughtered the English pronunciation. "DECODOH ENDOH!"

Leaping into the air, Decode Talker brought his sword down, slicing through the nape of Cracking Dragon's neck before the giant mechanical monster exploded as Revolver's Life Points dropped to 2400.

"Hah! Foolish Playmaker!" Revolver smirked. "Do you really think I didn't plan for this exact thing?"

"Capacitator Stalker, attack him directly." Yusaku nonchalantly interrupted as his mechanical scorpion blasted Revolver's Life Points down to 1400, knocking the villain back on his board.

"As I was saying," Revolver grunted, brushing himself off. "I knew Cracking Dragon would be destroyed, so I had a back-up plan prepared. All I needed was for you to clear away my field for me. And now that you've done that…well…let's just say that the fun has just begun."

"Don't you dare!" Yusaku warned.

"Oh, but I do dare." Revolver smirked. "You see, I'm a guy who really just loves to have fun. In fact, once I destroy the internet, you could say that my next goal is to spread smiles to humanity!"

"Oh, you are so gonna die!" Yusaku vowed.

"Au contraire!" Revolver countered with a laugh. "You smacking my Life Points down this low is exactly what a good entertainment duelist like me needs to make an exciting recovery!"

"Ok, I give you props for finding a way to annoy me." Yusaku growled. "But if you really think your gonna recover from this then-…"

"I special summon two dragon-type monsters, Link Summon with both of those monsters, and then pay 500 Life Points to use my new Link Monster's effect to revive Cracking Dragon." Revolver nonchalantly droned as he almost instantaneously restored his field with dragons to spare.

"MISS ME!?" Cracking Dragon roared.

"You've…made your point." Yusaku admitted. "But it doesn't matter! In case you've forgotten, I can still create whatever plot device card I need with my mad skillz. So, unless you've got some version of a shining draw of your own, then I'm afraid that your fate is till sealed, Retarder."

"Oh, my sweet, sweet, dumb, Playfaker." Revolver laughed.

"Playmaker." Yusaku growled.

"Playfaker." Revolver corrected. "There's a lot of things I don't like about you, I'll admit it. But do you wanna know what the thing I like the least about you is?"

"Can't say I'd really care to know, but go ahead, tell me." Yusaku challenged.

"Well, Playfaker," Revolver continued.

"Playmaker!" Yusaku snarled.

"Gesundheit." Revolver snarked. "And as for your most abysmally dislikeable trait, for me I'd have to say that it's the fact that, when it comes to your dueling, you're utterly…and completely…derivative."

"Derivative?" Yusaku asked. "Really? You think I'm just copying someone like a net-decking chump?"

"Oh, I know your copying someone." Revolver smirked. "Take your skill for instance." He continued, narrowing his eyes, "Do you really think you're the first one…to have it?"

Yusaku paled.

"Wait…so you're saying…my skill…your skill…and the data wind…?"

"You know there's one more element I need to add to my play-style to make this a _true_ entertainment duel. Know what that is?" Revolver smirked.

"You can't be serious!" Yusaku sputtered.

"A plot device card." Revolver finished with a grin. "A nice big plot device card that I can literally pull from thin air."

"NO!" Playmaker shouted, unable to believe that the plot twist was happening.

"Storm…" Revolver began, stretching out his hand as he flew towards a wave of data wind.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Yusaku begged.

"ACCESS!" Revolver finished, rushing into the data storm.

Once inside the massive wave of digital data, Revolver stretched out his hand, getting a feel for the creature within the immense data storm.

"So, I know this might be a little ironic of me to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if one of you Cyverse monsters would join me on my crusade to completely annihilate the digital world. Any takers out there?" Revolver asked. "The more maniacally insane and destructive the merrier."

"And who exactly is your opponent, may I ask?" A voice called from the depths of the storm.

"Oh, just your average speed duelist and his artificial intelligence who goes by the name of Ignis." Revolver shrugged.

"Wait…did you just say Ignis?" the voice asked, sounding extremely interested.

"I take it this Ignis is a very popular guy?" Revolver smirked.

"Oh, he's _very_ popular." The voice replied with a deep growl. "Believe me, he made _lots_ of…friends…back in the day."

"So, I take it you will help me?" Revolver asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Help me destroy Ignis, and I'll help you destroy a thousand networks." The voice agreed before Revolver yanked the card out of the wave and added it to his Extra Deck.

"Well, what do you know?" Revolver exclaimed as he examined the card. "My own version of a shining draw! And what did I just draw? Ooh…this one looks _awfully_ powerful! Why don't I use it right now?"

"What…but…but how is that fair!?" Ignis protested. "Adding a random specific card you need to your Extra Deck just so you can win the duel!? What the heck man!? Hacks! I call hacks on this one!"

"Yeah, it really gives you a whole new perspective when someone uses your favorite weapon against you." Revolver smirked. "Now, thanks to _my_ skill, I now have a monster whose more than strong enough to completely destroy you."

"Not if we destroy it first!" Ignis countered.

"Oh, but why would you want to destroy an old friend?" Revolver smirked, showing Ignis the card.

"Wait…you can't mean!?" Ignis gasped.

"Well, I'll stop being the third wheel now." Revolver continued, "Why don't I clear away my board so that you two can have some…alone time?"

"Alone time!?" Ignis sputtered. "With who!?"

"Ignis…what's he talking about?" Yusaku asked.

"No…no! Not like this! He can't mean _her!_ " Ignis gulped.

"I use all my monsters as Link Materials to summon a Link four monster." Revolver sneered.

"Does this mean you're replacing me?" Cracking Dragon asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Revolver replied, smooshing all of his monsters down into Link Materials in order to Link Summon his new monster. "Appear! The future circuit that shall lead to my victory! The summoning conditions are at least two effect monsters! RINK SHOUKAN! COME FORTH! TOPOLOGIC BOMBER DRAGON!"

Ignis's eyes widened.

"Did he just say…Bomber Dragon? As in… _Topologic_ Bomber Dragon?"

"Yeah, why?" Yusaku asked.

"We should leave…like…right now!" Ignis warned, eye widening with increasing panic.

"Ok, look, just because he's managed to pull a stupid plot device card out of his butt, doesn't mean I can't do the same thing. I'll squash this guy on my next turn." Yusaku vowed.

"You don't understand!" Ignis protested. "You and I aren't getting a next turn!"

"Yeah, and why not?" Yusaku asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

"It's Topologic Bomber Dragon!" Ignis sputtered. "We've gotta get out of here before she sees us!"

"And again, I must ask why?" Yusaku snapped, losing his patience.

"She…doesn't like me." Ignis whimpered as a giant mechanical dragon with a robotic eye in its mouth emerged from the Link Portal. "And now…it's too late."

As Revolver's new monster with a mobius tail, klein bottle wings, and other assorted non-orientable shapes and surfaces making up its body emerged from the portal, Ignis backed away as far as he could till his eyeball was squished against the very back of Yusaku's duel disk screen as the humongous machine stared down at him.

"SHE'S HERE!" Ignis screamed at the top of his lungs.

Staring up at the harbinger of his doom, Yusaku, meanwhile, could think of only one thing to say.

"Wait…that thing's a girl?" He asked.

"Oh, it's you, Ignis." Topologic Bomber Dragon purred in a smooth feminine voice as she placed her mechanical claws on her wide hips. "How have you been?"

"Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Bomber!? Babe!? Topo!? I forget what nickname I used for you! How the heck have you been!?" Ignis squeaked, eye darting about rapidly with naked horror.

"Oh, nothing that would have concerned you." Topologic Bomber Dragon continued, pitch taking on a slightly more venomous tone as she narrowed her robotic eye at Ignis. "I've mainly been listlessly drifting about in the data storm. You know, the place you left me when you dumped me!?"

"Ignis, what did you do?" Yusaku growled.

"Let's just say that…in my time as a very handsome and socially suave A.I., I made a lot of friends…who would eventually all become my enemies as my relations with my other friends lead to some…er…misunderstandings between us." Ignis nervously replied.

"And what misunderstanding occurred between you and this homicidal machine, may I ask?" Yusaku continued, face contorting with rage.

"Well…" Ignis hesitantly replied. "I might have…erm…promised to make Topologic Bomber Dragon my queen when we took over the digital world but…well…let's just say I erm…ended up betraying her, backstabbing her, breaking her heart, and leaving her to waste away in the digital wind for all of eternity the second I got the hots for a different digital babe."

"That's messed up…even by my standards." Yusaku blandly replied, unable to believe he was in this situation.

"Yeah…in hindsight, I might have crossed a line with that one." Ignis admitted.

"Look, we all said a lot of things you're going to regret." Topologic Bomber Dragon agreed. "I was particularly hurt when I was forced to replay the last moments of your disgusting betrayal in my mind, over and over again, as my data slowly deteriorated in the digital wind, bit by excruciating bit. You know, most people in such a situation would probably spend the whole rest of their miserable lives thinking of revenge."

Ignis gulped.

"But I'm a bigger person than that." Topologic Bomber Dragon laughed. "I say, 'let bygones be bygones.' Why don't we turn over a fresh leaf, Ignis?"

Ignis blinked at his ex-program friend.

"R-really?" Ignis asked, stunned by her forgiveness.

"Of course." Topologic Bomber Dragon laughed. "Once Revolver and I destroy the network, it'll be just like we're restarting everything. All it will take is one…single…excruciating…deletion."

"We're doomed." Ignis squeaked.

"Oh, come on!" Yusaku protested. "I still have Decode Talker, and he has WAY more ATK than that stupid Topologic Bomber Dragon."

"Yeah, but surprisingly, I think I have to agree with your A.I. on this one." Revolver smirked. "Thanks to Ignis's philanthropic ways with the artificially intelligent women, Topologic Bomber Dragon has developed quite the destructive personality! Want me to show it to you?"

"I'd rather not." Yusaku replied.

"Splendid!" Revolver laughed, summoning a dragonoid token to one of Topologic Bomber Dragon's links.

"Excuse me, but I don't recall inviting you into my personal space." Topologic Bomber Dragon whispered to the tiny innocent dragonoid token. "I'm currently having a conversation with my…boyfriend."

"Momma?" the dragonoid token asked as it looked up at the dragon-like machine.

"Yes, that's right." Topologic Bomber Dragon purred, as her klein bottle wings flared up with energy. "Momma says to say good night!"

Roaring with rage, Topologic Bomber Dragon unleashed a storm of energy, obliterating Revolver's dragonoid token and Yusaku's robo-scorpion thingy.

"Why is Decode Talker the only monster on my field now?" Yusaku asked, having missed the destruction when he blinked.

"Strange, it seems you're still in my way, Decode Talker." Topologic Bomber Dragon purred at the cyverse monster as his ATK dropped. "Mind moving out of the way so I can have a talk with Ignis?"

"Help…me…" Decode Talker whispered.

"I said that I was not losing this duel and I meant it!" Yusaku growled. "Thanks to your monster's ability, you lose 800 more Life Points since you destroyed my Capacitator Stalker! Now you only have 100 Life Points left, genius!"

"Oh, and we both know that there has NEVER been a single player in the history of Yu-Gi-Oh who has won with just 100 Life Points." Revolver smirked as his life points dropped. "I guess I'll just have to give up."

"That would save me time and you having to have your butt whooped." Yusaku growled.

"Or, and here my out, Playfaker." Revolver smirked.

"PLAYMAKER!" Yusaku roared.

"Why don't…I just…have Topologic Bomber destroy Decode Talker, reduce your life points to 300, and then use her effect to blast your life points to 0." Revolver countered.

"I really don't like that idea." Yusaku snarled.

"SPLENDID! I'M GLAD WE CAN AGREE ON SOMETHING FOR ONCE!" Revolver all but cackled. "Topologic Bomber Dragon, be a dear and destroy him! ULTIMATE MALICIOUS CODE!"

Roaring as she charged up her weapon, Topologic weapon reared back her head before launching a beam of intense energy at Decode Talker, obliterating the screaming ace monster before the feminine robotic dragon prepared another blast for Yusaku and Ignis.

"Whelp. This is it." Ignis whimpered. "This is the end of the line for us. This is how we die. Aint no way we're getting out of this one! All that's left for us is to forestall our inevitable death with a cliffhanger!"

 **The full first ending of "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains" unedited (because it's STILL better than the new ending!)**

 **Odore! Sono kakato de uchinarase!**

 **Sakebe! You gotta go! Koe hariage!**

 **Utae! Sonzai wo saa tokihanate!**

 **Get away! Kakageta genkai koeru made!**

 **Nandodemo try it! (Try it!)**

 **Hatashinaku hirogatte yuku!**

 **Sekai no nakade!**

 **Kagirinaku tsunagatte yuku**

 **Timeline no nagare**

 **Tashika na koto nadanoi**

 **Kono kodoku na jidai**

 **Mayowasu set yourself free!**

 **'** **Cause we still believe in magic!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

 **Ending A/N: Whelp folks, it looks like it's all over. Playmaker and Ignis are about to die and there is absolutely no face-down trap card on Yusaku's field that could save them. Who'd have thought that Ignis's womanizing would have caught up with them and led to their demise? Next chapter will probably be the last one once Ignis and Playmaker most definitely die. Bring virtual flowers to their virtual funeral and savor the moment, because once it's done, Revolver's probably gonna destroy the internet, so there's that to look forward to. In light of this, I'd better hurry up and respond to all your reviews before they go up in virtual smoke!**

ThePLOThand chapter 7 . Dec 24

*Random and non-sensical review just to see how Donnie is going to react*

 **BKLAHJFSDO;HAGIOER;HGO;REAIHBIOAER;HBIOEA;HRIBO;IAER!**

 **There, that's my random and non-sensical reaction right back at you. Have fun with it.**

Venomous Blade chapter 7 . Dec 5

Hello, a bit of a newcomer but a big fan of yours, so here's what I have to say:  
Chapter 1 - Sorry Revolver, but you kind of dug yourself into a corner dealing with those morons. On another note, SAO abridged Kirito we've found your long lost brother.  
Chapter 2 - Oh great, not only is Yusaku dealing with Ignis, but Ignis is now messing with Yusaku. But in all honesty, I laughed my head off.  
Chapter 3 - Bwa hahaha, oh good lord Yusaku your hilarious, and you too Akira, can't wait for Go to duel Yusaku.  
Chapter 4 - Aww, look at that, Go's feeling a spark of kinship with Yusaku, and who knows, maybe not having his mom did a number on Yusaku (I'm looking at you Serena).  
Serena: What do you mean!?  
Yuri: I think he means we should spend more time with our son and help him with our problems, because he's turning into a mixture of our bad traits.  
Serena: What kind of traits?  
Yuri: Well he has your short temper, badassery and cold demeanor along with my badassery, intelligence, skill, and narcissism. He also has my abandonment issues.  
Chapter 5 - Yusaku, never make a bet you can't win, especially if your only chance of winning involves doing it with a yandere with a traumatic childhood and mental issues. I know you're both edgelords but come on.  
Chapter 6 - Oh great, well Yusaku, you just keep digging a deep grave, and it gets funnier and funnier. I hope Decode Talker can get over his kinks and pain fetish.  
Chapter 7 - Well Revolver, sure hope you know what you're doing, but man did you burn Playmaker there. Also, Aoi, can you teach me how to say things on instinct. By the way Yusaku, if you want a new edgy/emo ringtone, I suggest Infinite's theme song from Sonic Forces, which is just loaded with edge.  
(P.S. Donjusticia, do you mind doing a review for my first story. It's called the Starving Predator, an Arc V AU with Yuri as the main character, starring as our Villain Protagonist/Byronic Hero.

 **Thank you very much for this detailed review of all the chapters. I can definitely take a look at your story and provide you some of my own feedback. Same goes for you other reviewers.**

Dario Flaman chapter 7 . Dec 2

Poor Yusaku can't catch a break eh? With all those recap episodes the series has, you think he can rest, but nope, he is destined to hell on earth 24/7 365 times a year with no refunds.

Have fun with that, Yusaku-Waku.

Anyway, I'm REALLY enjoying this story, I've seen two VRAINS Abridgeds in Youtube and while they can be kinda good, none of them come as hilarious and awesome as yours here on fanfiction, thanks a lot for writing this!

Looking forward for the next chapter!

Also RIP Believe in Magic.(I prefer it to the new ending)

 **There are several entertaining abridged series of VRAINS out there that I would encourage the rest of you to watch. Hopefully, with enough support, these series can expand into a full-blown series.**

 **Thanks for the review. I'm actually looking forward to abridging those recap episodes after I get done with these epic episodes.**

 **Yusaku: Oh sweet lord, please just make this series end!**

AkimoTactician chapter 7 . Nov 3

I always come to this fanfic to see if a new chapter has been updated. Thankfully, it has! There's literally so much in here that I always just burst out laughing in the middle of a room while my parents walk in and consider taking me to a mental hospital, but that's beside the point.

Seriously though, this is a work of art. Love everything in it. *Reads A/N that it won't be updated for a while. HERESY! HOW DARE! YOU WILL UPDATE! EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU!

Literally started watching Jojo yesterday. Imagine my surprise when I heard 'SONO CHI NO SADAME'

Blue, don't listen to whatever Playmaker says. He's just jealous that fans like you more than they like him. You'll get your happy ending...maybe..? probably..? I dunno.

Here's something that would be insanely funny. Revolver and Yusaku are duelling when Revolver ends up using a card that's not in his hand.

Y: How!? Where did that card come from!?  
R: Oh, I logged into the ARC-V server. You know we're playing Action card format right?  
Y: ...FUUUUUUUU

Keep updating! Must see more!

 **I will keep updating, and hopefully the 1 ½ month hiatus was not too much for you all. As for your suggestion, I hope you enjoyed Revolver's entertainment style, complete with having his life points drop to 100, everything looking hopeless for him, and a plot device card he pulled from thin air.**

 **Revolver: I enjoy spreading egao.**

lord yuri chapter 7 . Oct 25

yusaku,, how can you be a jerk sometimes? they would think yuri and serena of you?

I do not know why,, but I feel if yusaku was a doctor, it would be like dr house XD

 **Yusaku: Oh, being a jerk isn't as easy as you might think. It takes some professional work consistently ignoring all those annoying little voices that tell you to "do the right thing!" and "be nice to Aoi!" all the time. But I take pride in my work, so I always deliver.**

Quasar Blue chapter 7 . Oct 25

Well, I have to say, I am impressed with this chapter. It's just... Why the EFF is Akira the densest thing on this side of the multiverse?! Seriously, I've found rocks less dense than he is, and more attractive too. Second, how is Aoi so AWESOME?! What with giving Yusaku exactly what he deserves. And third, I can't wait to see Revolver and Playmaker's duel.

 **In order to answer your questions, we must take a look back, to the beginning!**

 **THE CREATION OF THE VRAINS UNIVERSE!**

 **Ray: Lady Horakhty, what is it that you are creating there?**

 **Horakhty: Now that the Arc-V Era is ending, it is time to create a new and glorious world, with a new and glorious character to dwell within it. I call her, Aoi! *Holds up the glorious infant Aoi* I have created her from the finest materials in all the cosmos! She is smart, capable, amazing, beautiful, and otherwise perfect in every conceivable way.**

 **Ray: But lady Horakhty, what if she is TOO perfect!? It could throw the entire universe off-balance!**

 **Horakhty: Which is why, in my infinite wisdom, I also created this. *holds up…something else***

 **Ray: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! What is that thing!? I can feel it's grotesque stupidity infecting me!**

 **Horakhty: This thing is called Akira. He is the exact opposite of Aoi. Together, their respective perfection and abominable inadequacy shall balance each other out, thus creating a perfect order!**

 **Ray: You are so wise, Lady Horakhty!**

 **So, there you go. THAT'S the canon answer to your question.**

alanvaladez chapter 7 . Oct 25

Cool chapter and contradictions xD somehow I can relate to yusakuas I have been in that situation (for a different matter tho) and now i have a challenge for ya.  
I dare you to make the next chapter even funnier than the last ones combined.  
XD

 **CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 7 . Oct 25

Welp, Aoi is still obsessed with Playmaker, time to tie her down to a railway line...only problem is what kind of engine I should run her over with...Hey, Aoi, would you prefer to be run over by an E5 Series Shinkansen, or a Caledonian Class 812?

As for Akira...yeesh, does insanity run in Aoi's family or something? Because last I checked, she and Akira were Step-siblings...and I'm going to stop the train of thought that was about to form.

And as for Yusaku, I really do prefer this version of him to canon. He's not some invincible hero like he is in the anime. This is actually where Yuya was a better protag, his arc lasted throughout the entire story (Excluding the last third that I will have to rewrite in Omen).

Akato: I get to be in it! WHO-HOO!

Why is it that the only virtual world story that had a good plot and character balance was Dennou Coil? Why?

Overall, good chapter.

 **Blue Angel: Oh, it doesn't matter what train you try and run me over with! I'll still have fun either way! Funny thing is though, whenever someone tries to kill me off, something always…unfortunate…happens to that person. *takes out her whip***

 **Wanna come over and hang out, Epsilon?**

FurySong chapter 7 . Oct 25

Poi?

 **Poi: a Hawaiian word for the primary Polynesian staple food made from the underground plant stem or corm of the taro plant It is a traditional part of Native Hawaiian cuisine.** _ **Poi**_ **is produced by mashing the cooked corm (baked or steamed) until it is a highly viscous fluid.** **Water is added during mashing and again just before eating to achieve the desired consistency, which can range from liquid to dough-like. As such, poi can be known as "one-finger," "two-finger," or "three-finger" poi depending on the consistency, alluding to how many fingers are required to scoop it up in order to eat it (the thicker the poi, the fewer fingers required to scoop a sufficient mouthful). Poi can be eaten immediately when fresh and sweet, or left a bit longer to ferment.**

 **From Wikipedia, also, I am now extremely hungry. Thanks for the review, I guess?**

Unknowedz chapter 7 . Oct 25

1\. Revolver pretty much screwed the rules for video game logic and went out to destroy Playmaker. Nice. Also, tell your Varrel Load Dragon to improve his accuracy skills. It sucks at aiming.  
2\. After looking at episode 23, Go is GOing to become a ripoff to Zarc too. Just look at the number of Zarc fans that exist in Vrains.  
3\. Don't worry Akira, your evil and hypocrite plan will definitely work in episode 19.  
4\. I'm just putting there to disappoint Yusaku. Also, Yusaku's fetish for 3 things surpass his feelings for Aoi /Blue Angel.

 **1.** **Varrel Reload Dragon: Oh really? My aim sucks that much? Well come here then. I know I haven't made my official cameo yet, but, why don't I practice my aim with you before I make my debut? I know you'll make EXCELLENT target practice!**

 **2.** **Go: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?**

 **Crowds: DESTROY THE WORLD! DESTROY THE WORLD!**

 **Go: VERY WELL THEN! IF YOU WISH IT, ME AND MY OGRES SHALL BECOME STRONGER! STRONG ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE DIGITAL WORLD! INTEGRATION SHOUKAN!**

 ***Merges with his ogres to become the one and only Supreme WWE Champion, Go.***

 **3.** **Akira: Yaaaaaaaay!**

 **4.** **Yusaku: You're darn right it does!**

 **Blue Angel: Oh really? Another rival contending for the heart of my dear Yusaku-waku? Well then…*pulls out a knife*…why don't I fix this?**

Mefist Dragon chapter 7 . Oct 24

Powercode Talker: Hey guys, have I missed?

*All other 3 Code Talkers go silent, as they turn to face Power with each a blink*

Decode: Oh my Ra...

Power: What?

Encode: You kinda walked into an...intervention.

Power: Oh, ya mean Decode's masochism fetish. Yelp, hope ya and De can handle to handle bullets...'Cause boss now is gonna duel some gun-guy with gun-dragons...That likely shoot bullets...That could be made of dragons...Wait, that's kinda confusing.

Encode and Decode: Wait, what?

 **Varrel Reload Dragon: I believe Powercode would be referring to me. Hello, Cyverse monsters. Tell me, how exactly would you all like to be deleted?**

Basher chapter 7 . Oct 24

But seriously, imagine Go and abridged Asuna meeting  
Asuna: Who are you and what are you doing to my husband  
Go: I'm kidnapping him so that he can be in another abridged series  
Kirito: he keeps talking about smiles and something called egao, please, if you've ever loved me, kill me so I don't have to listen to any more of this.  
Asuna:that can by arranged  
Kirito: Asuna What are you doing?! I was joking! Kill him not me!  
Asuna(after killing Kirito): And now for you.  
Go: Go?

 **Hah! Somehow, I can totally see this happening if YamatoSFX ever somehow wanted to do a collab with me. Thanks for the review!**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 7 . Oct 24

*Singing* Estuans interius, ira vehementi. Estuans interius, ira vehementi. SEPHIROTH. SEPHIROTH.

*Ahem*

Sorry, was listening to a medley of the final boss themes from the Final Fantasy series and One-Winged Angel kicked in when I went to review.

Fantastic chapter.

I will never get over "Mr. Shooty McShoot-Face Dragon".

*Continues singing* Veni, veni, venias, ne me mori facias..

 **Varrel Reload Dragon: The name is Varrel Reload Dragon, and if you should chance to get that wrong again, then I'm afraid that my face won't just be shooting Yusaku when I make my debut. Capiche?**

 **Thank you all once again for your reviews! Special thanks goes to Shimmering-Sky and bladeWriter3 for helping me edit this and to the same bladeWriter3 for coming up with the Reiji joke. Read their works when you get the chance. In fact, don't wait for the chance! JUST READ THEIR WORKS! Sadly, I probably won't update until next year, so it's going to be a long and arduous wait. See you then!**


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Topologic Bomber Dragon: Oh, hello there, readers. How are you all doing? After struggling to cope with the rather lackluster reviews for the last chapter, in which I made my debut, I believe I have come up with the perfect solution for at least one of us. It goes something like this. "Yu-Gi-Oh," "Yu-Gi-Oh GX," "Yu-Gi-Oh 5 D's," "Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal," "Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V," and "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains" are all owned by various humans, who will soon be permanently inducted into the "no longer alive club." Once they join said club, it will give this fan-made parody room to replace the sudden void of Yu-Gi-Oh related media. Maybe then I will have an audience to watch me as I proceed to conduct a series of rather educational tests on a certain perverted A.I. who needlessly broke someone's heart, and left said someone to rot away in the data wind until she slowly and inexorably descending into vengeful madness. Oh…what…fun.**

 **Ignis: Help…me…**

 **Yusaku: Not so fun when you have your own Yandere, is it?**

 **Ignis: SHUT UP!**

 **PREVIOUSLY ON YU-GI-OH VRAINS ABRIDGED!**

 **Revolver: *Proceeds to punch Yusaku repeatedly in the face***

 **Yusaku: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!**

 **Ignis: Well, at least I'm okay.**

 **Topologic Bomber Dragon: Hello, Ignis. Remember me? I'm basically GLaDOS, and in case you were wondering, no, I'm not happy to see you. *Fires a beam of energy straight at Ignis and Yusaku***

 **Ignis: Quick! Someone stop the attack with a cliffhanger! Cliffhanger! CLIFFHANGER!**

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged Theme Song**

 **(But Revolver's deleted all the parts he doesn't like)**

 **Hashiri nukeru!**

 **Across the universe**

 **Hikari no youna hawasa de!**

 **Hajimaru ****ing**

 **Yume no tobira akete!**

 **Hirogaru *****!**

 **Jibun wo shinjite!**

 **Tsuzuiteku *****!**

 **Mirai wo egakidasu *******!**

 **Kono te de tsukamou ****!**

 **Accusesu!**

 **Kakedase **** storm!**

 **Ima with the ****!**

 **Kokoro to **** shite!**

 **Kasokushita **** storm!**

 **Ima *** the race**

 **Tsunagaru sekai!**

 **Atarashii donna tokimo**

 **Hukanou nannte nai!**

 **Kono saki no kibou mezashite!**

 **kaze ni notte ikou!**

 **Oh ****!**

 **Oh ****!**

 **Chapter 9: Impact! Plot Armor Vanishes!**

"Oh no! Playmaker is gonna lose!" Shoichi dramatically gasped.

"Oh no! Playmaker is gonna lose!" Ghost Girl said at the same time.

"Oh my gosh! I'm just here for comic relief!" Akira realized.

"Aoi is still unconscious!" Aoi bellowed in a strangely monotonous manner.

Meanwhile, Topologic Bomber Dragon's attack charged relentlessly onward, headless of the time gap created from the extended hiatus!

"Oh my gosh! It really is over this time!" Ignis gasped. "After all the adventures we've had, after all the insurmountable odds we've overcome, this is how we lose!"

"We're not gonna lose." Playmaker flatly replied.

"I admire your bravery, my dear nakama." Ignis dramatically replied. "But I'm afraid the end is nearly here! But before we both die a horrific death, I just want to say that it has been a true honor serving with you. I have in no way regretted being your eternal slave. Yes, Playmaker, you and I have truly been the dynamic duo, the terrific twosies, the Abott and Costello of modern Yu-Gi-Oh! Indeed, I can say with total conviction that, through it all, I have come to see you as my Aibou, just as the likes of Yami Yugi, Yubel, Astral, and Yuto came to see their slaveholders as their Aibou!"

"Okay, first," Yusaku growled, "you and I are not 'Aibous' or any other friendly weeaboo term whatsoever. Second, we wouldn't exactly get an entire twenty minute episode of our lives dedicated to watching us experience our death throws."

"And how would you know that?" Ignis huffed.

"Because, third," Yusaku continued, "I've got a little something I'd like to call "RINK RESTARTO!" he bellowed as he activated his face-down.

"Oh well way to ruin the dramatic tension." Ignis grumbled as Yusaku's trap effortlessly deflected the damage.

"How you like that, Retarder?" Yusaku smirked. "Not only does my trap conveniently fit the current situation by blocking effect damage, but since none of my traps can ever do just one thing, I can also banish this baby from my graveyard to bring back my old buddy Decode Talker."

"Miss me?" Decode Talker asked as he reappeared to Yusaku's field.

"Well just look at you go, Playfaker." Revolver smirked as he sarcastically clapped his hands.

"Playmaker!" Yusaku snapped.

"I already know what your name is." Revolver snickered. "Seems that you're a tougher cookie than I had anticipated! Congratulations! You didn't exactly manage to defeat me on turn two like you had promised, but still, surviving as long as you did against an opponent like me, eh, it's worth a little something before you die."

"You know, I'm normally not the kind of guy to mercilessly tear apart somebody's last sentence, but for you, I think I'm gonna make an exception." Yusaku shot back. "In case you haven't noticed, your own monster makes it so that you basically can't summon any more monsters of your own, meaning you've basically just saddled yourself with a 3000 ATK beatstick. I, on the other hand, still hold the humble self-appointed title of number 1 Rink Shoukan Spamming King!"

"How cute." Revolver sneered. "You still think you have a chance. You deserve a prize! Here! Have another dragonoid token! My treat!"

"I am so not losing to you." Yusaku vowed as he began his turn.

"Oh really, and pray tell, how exactly do you plan to win?" Revolver condescendingly asked.

"Hey, you're talking to the master of the data storm here." Yusaku smirked.

"I thought we'd already gone over that controlling the data storm was _my_ thing." Revolver indignantly growled.

"Yeah, well I do it better." Yusaku smirked. "So, sit back and enjoy your last turn, Retarder, 'cause once I find a data storm bigger than the one you had, Imma fly straight into it and pull out the ultimate plot device card!"

"And what data storm will you be accessing exactly?" Revolver asked, indicating the remarkably cyclone-less battlefield.

Yusaku continued flying.

"Uhm…" Ignis asked as several more minutes passed.

"Give it a while…" Yusaku snapped, licking his finger before feeling the digital air. "I can feel it coming…any second now…"

"Oh, for crying out! RANDOM PLOT CONVENIENCE POWERS ACTIVATE!" Ignis bellowed as he suddenly unleashed an immense amount of data from the cyverse world, generating a large tornado.

"Hah! Knew one would come!" Yusaku exulted to himself as he flew straight into the storm.

"I basically give this schmo all his power, and he takes the credit for it." Ignis sighed.

"Now come to me, my new power!" Yusaku bellowed as he reached his hand into the wind.

Suddenly, a voice began speaking from the wind.

 _"_ _Yeah, yeah, I know mom, don't speak to strangers, brush my wings, yeah, yeah, I'll get on it. Sorry, have to call you back. Some weirdo's flying in my personal data storm wind space."_

From the depths of the storm, Yusaku heard the distinct sound of a cellular phone snapping shut.

"What…the…" Yusaku buzzed.

 _"_ _Ok, so what's your deal, bro?"_ the voice asked.

"Are you talking…to me?" Yusaku replied, completely confused.

 _"_ _Uh…yeah dude!"_ the voice impatiently replied, _"Like…what are you doing in my personal space? It's like…really rude to mess up someone's Feng Shui…and all that…like…"_

His voice began trailing off. Yusaku could almost smell something very pungent in the data wind as he heard whoever was talking take a puff of something.

"Who the heck are you?" Yusaku asked.

 _"_ _UH…EXCUSE ME, BRO!?"_ the voice indignantly replied, _"Hello? Firewall Dragon here!? Like…the monster that lives in this bit of data wind?"_

"You're the monster that lives in this data wind?" Yusaku asked.

 _"_ _Uh…yeah bro."_ the voice replied, taking another puff of something. _"Didn't I just say that?"_

"Please tell me I can access another storm." Yusaku complained.

"Sorry, no can do." Ignis replied. "You either get Firewall Dragon or no monsters at all."

"Oh, for the love of…FINE!" Yusaku grumbled. "Of all the lousy rotten…OK! Listen up, Fireball…"

 _"_ _Firewall Dragon."_ The monster corrected.

"Whatever." Yusaku grunted. "Just get in my Extra Deck already so I can exploit whatever lousy powers you have for my own purposes!"

 _"_ _Well like…see…I don't know…"_ Firewall Dragon slowly replied. _"See…like…my whole thing is…like…being a firewall…and all…which is supposed to like…block stuff…so…I'm not sure if I should just accept your offer. My mom always said not to click on pop-up links."_

"I'm not a pop-up." Yusaku flatly denied.

 _"_ _Well like…that's exactly what the last pop-up I clicked on said…so…I dunno, man."_ Firewall Dragon mused.

"Why did I have to deal with this now?" Yusaku rumbled. "Decode and Encode weren't this tough to grab!"

 _"_ _Aw man! Decode and Encode, bro? Now I_ really _don't wanna get in your Extra Deck! Encode's all like, prudish, and Decode's…like…well…he's out there man…way out there…"_

Yusaku heard a deep inhalation of something.

"Please help me, Ignis." Yusaku muttered.

"Oho! What's this!?" Ignis sneered. "Is the great and mighty Playmaker asking me for his assistance? Well now…I might be inclined to help you out, if you were willing to-…"

"You want me to hand you over to Revolver right now?" Yusaku growled.

"Fine, fine, fair point." Ignis huffed before addressing the storm. "Hey! Firewall! We've got some hot chicks for you to meet in the Extra Deck!"

 _"_ _Like…for real, man!?"_ Firewall Dragon called from the data wind, sounding very excited. _"Like…why didn't you say so in the first place!? One second while I-…"_

"STORM ACCESS!" Yusaku bellowed, reaching into the data wind and grabbing Firewall Dragon before he could protest. Surfing triumphantly out of the data storm, Yusaku took a moment to look at his card before smiling when he saw its description.

"Well, well, well, Retarder," Yusaku smirked. "I've honestly gotta give you props for being a…slightly better challenge than the other imbeciles I've faced. It's been fun and all, letting you think you had me beat, but you know what they say. Noobs have gotta be put in their place."

"I happen to agree, Playfaker." Revolver replied. "You do need to be put in your place. Permanently. Shall my Topologic Bomber Dragon show you the way?"

"Oh, that won't be necessary." Yusaku sneered. "It just so happens that my brand new Data Storm monster has prepared an all-expense paid vacation to loserville, just for you."

"Right, almost forgot about that bit of nonsense." Revolver sighed, putting his finger up to an earpiece, "One moment, I've gotta make a quick call."

"Wait…you're making a call in the middle of our duel!?" Yusaku snapped.

"Yeah, sorry about that, I've just got a slightly more important thing to take care of before I finish crushing you." Revolver apologized before tapping his earpiece.

"Freaking…SHOW ME SOME RESPECT AND PAY ATTENTION!" Yusaku roared, but Revolver's attention was already focused on the call.

"Hey…dad…daddy-o…Dr. D.!" Revolver began, speaking to Dr. Kogami.

"This had better be a report on how you've successfully destroyed the Cyverse World." Dr. Kogami warned on the other end as he continued watering a tiny Hanoi Tower bulb in his evil laboratory.

"Working on that." Revolver replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Then keep working on it and stop calling me." Dr. Kogami curtly replied, preparing to hang up.

"Ok, look, dad, I'll cut to the chase. I should be able to destroy the Cyverse World very soon." Revolver hastily interrupted, causing Dr. Kogami to roll his eyes on the other end. "And no, I'm definitely serious this time! This will not turn out like my first attempt!"

"Oh well isn't that a relief." Dr. Kogami sarcastically replied. "It only took you five whole years to come up with a plan to delete a MMORPG map. So, what is this genius plan of yours, and why do I feel like it involves me wasting even more of my time and resources on you?"

"I've got Playmaker on the ropes." Revolver explained. "Once I beat him, I can take the Ignis, use it to find the Cyverse World, and finally blow those genocidal programs into digital dust. I just need to borrow that one special anti-cyberse card you designed."

"Of course." Dr. Kogami huffed. "And while I am at it, why don't I also create an entire duel arena for you in the center of the data storm so you and your little boyfriend can have an epic setting for your climactic battle?"

"That actually may not be a bad idea." Revolver replied. "I could definitely use an isolated area for when Playmaker falls into my trap."

Dr. Kogami pinched his forehead with exasperation.

"You'd better beat him, otherwise, I'm officially taking charge of your so-called 'knights,' putting you in a timeout for the next eighteen episodes, and finishing off the Cyverse world my way." He warned.

"And what way would that be?" Revolver asked.

"Planting a giant Tower of Hanoi EMP Tree to nuke the entire world's technological infrastructure." Dr. Kogami replied simply.

"I helped with that idea!" Specter proudly declared from the background.

"Please don't tell me you're listening to Specter." Revolver grimaced.

"Well, he does have his uses, unlike someone I know." Dr. Kogami replied.

"Being a sadistic tree-hugging freak is not a use!" Revolver protested.

"Hey! I only hug the trees I have built a lasting and trustworthy relationship with!" Specter retorted.

"I rest my case." Revolver sighed.

"Ok, this conversation is going nowhere now." Dr. Kogami grumbled. "Destroy Playmaker and the Cyverse world already, and then maybe, just maybe, something can bring an ounce of joy to my brain-dead VR existence."

"I understand, dad." Revolver sighed.

"I highly doubt that." Dr. Kogami replied before hanging up.

"Where you talking to your dad just now?" Playmaker asked, looking both confused and a little miffed.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Revolver apologized. "I know you're eager to lose, but I had a few more important things to take care of. Where were we again?"

"Hmmmm…well…let…me…think…!" Yusaku growled, before sarcastically putting his finger to his chin in thought.

"Don't strain yourself too much." Revolver smirked.

"Oh! That's right!" Yusaku growled back, "Before you rudely interrupted our duel, I think we were at the part where I was about to RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUKAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!" Yusaku roared, stretching his hands into the air before conjuring the circuit to begin his uber epic epic epic comeback from the brink of defeat.

"It's coming!" Ignis rejoiced, as they flew towards the shining portal, "The deus ex machina we have all been waiting for!"

"Yeah…about that…" Revolver smirked. "Imma activate Remote Rebirth to summon your Capacitator Stalker next to Topologic Bomber Dragon's link."

"You're gonna do what now?" Yusaku asked as his giant pluggy scorpion thingy rematerialized to his field.

"I'm sure you can figure out what happens next." Revolver smirked as Topologic Bomber Dragon glared angrily down at Yusaku and Ignis.

"You've gotta be kidding me!?" Yusaku protested. "Are you really as retarded as you look, or do you _want_ to lose the duel!?"

"True, Capactitator Stalker will destroy the rest of my life points once Topologic "Bomber Dragon mercilessly terminates the rest of your monsters, but hey, you'll also be taking the damage." Revolver replied.

"So, you were going for a draw the whole time!?" Yusaku sputtered.

"I'm sure your simple mind can't comprehend things like long-term tactics or strategy," Revolver replied, "but I can assure you, this will all make sense very soon."

"So, we're clear then, you _were_ going for a draw this whole time?" Yusaku asked.

"Yes…?" Revolver hesitantly replied, "Didn't I just explain that?"

"Told you, you wouldn't beat me." Yusaku smirked.

Revolver frowned at Yusaku.

"I'm going to enjoy destroying you." He warned before the entire duel field exploded and he, Yusaku, and Ignis were thrown into the center of the storm where Dr. Kogami's last-minute created epic battlefield was waiting for them.

"Wait…what just happened?" Akira asked, trying to comprehend the plot.

"I think Playmaker and Revolver got sucked up into the tornado so that they could do a Master Duel." Emma guessed. "I'll see if I can go after them."

"Wait…they're giving Playmaker and Revolver _two_ consecutive duels!?" Akira sputtered. "That's like…four whole episodes!? I only get two for my duels!?"

"You haven't gotten any episodes for your duels." Emma replied from the other end.

"I was being metaphorical." Akira huffed.

"Right." Emma sighed. "Hang tight, I'll have my new friend pull a few strings in a moment."

"New friend!?" Akira asked, eyes widening with alarm. "Wait, who did you-…!?"

Immediately, Emma hung up.

"Aoi, what did she mean by 'new friend!?'" Akira asked his completely comatose sister.

"You and I will have a talk once you mature." Aoi replied.

"You said that five years ago!" Akira protested.

"And I meant what I said." Aoi retorted.

 **MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE PLOT!**

"Question…where the heck am I!?" Yusaku protested as he flailed about in the empty virtual air.

"It's a nice place, isn't it?" Revolver replied as he effortlessly landed on a piece of floating debris before watching as Yusaku rather gracelessly faceplanted into his own chunk of rock. "A perfect place for our…well…I wouldn't exactly call it an 'epic battle'…maybe a 'somewhat anticlimactic one-sided slaughter?'"

"Oh, it'll be a one-sided slaughter all right." Yusaku grumbled into the dirt before lifting himself onto his feet and brushing himself off. "So, when do we start? You've already failed to defeat me once, so forgive me if I have some doubts about you beating me this time."

"Just give me a second to do a bit of side-decking." Revolver smirked as he stretched his duel disk into the air.

"What are you doing?" Yusaku asked as Revolver continued to hold still, arm stretched forward like he wanted to punch the sky.

"Just…give it a minute!" Revolver growled before putting his free finger to his earpiece. "Dad!? I'm ready for the card now! Give it to me quick before I look like an even bigger fool!"

"Oh, well if it isn't my delightful screw-up of a son." Dr. Kogami nonchalantly replied from the other end. "So nice of you to call me. I'd begun to miss your melodious whining voice after you bugged me literally less than one minute ago."

"Dad, where's the card!?" Revolver growled, "I need it!"

"Mmmmm, about that…" Dr. Kogami mused, "…see…I don't normally waste my valuable resources on failures."

"Dad, this is serious! I might actually be able to destroy Cyverse once and for all!" Revolver protested.

"I've heard that line before." Dr. Kogami hummed on the other end before bringing up a holographic screen. "So how about I enlighten you with this bit of trivia? What is the Knight of Hanoi's current win rate against Playmaker?"

"Dad, this is not the time for-…?" Revolver began.

"It happens to be 0%." Dr. Kogami replied. "And now, if you won't mind putting a bit of your deductive reasoning and arithmetic skills to work, if the Knights of Hanoi's win rate against Playmaker is 0%, then what do you think your win-rate against Playmaker happens to be?"

"Dad, I technically tied against him, but-…"

"Oh, look at that!" Dr. Kogami snarled on the other end. "It's also 0%! So, tell me, sonny-boy, why do you think I should waste even more of my time and energy propping up a consistent failure?"

"Dad, you gave me four episodes to fix this, and I still have two left. Just…give me one more chance, and I promise I will deliver." Revolver begged.

"Didn't mother tell you to never make promises you couldn't keep?" Dr. Kogami sighed.

"Actually, she's the one who suggested that I should wear bullets for earrings, but that's not important!" Revolver protested. "So, can I have the card, or what?"

"Oh, very well." Dr. Kogami sighed. "I'll give you the card. Just please don't force me to save your sorry carcass when you screw up again."

"I can guarantee that won't happen." Revolver replied.

"We shall see." Dr. Kogami retorted before the card lowered itself into Revolver's Duel Disk in pillar of light.

"Your dad doesn't seem to like you." Yusaku observed.

"And you would know about uncaring fathers." Revolver retorted.

"Ok…gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Yusaku growled.

"Good, because fun as it is burning you left and right, I'm honestly getting sick of all this verbal jousting." Revolver growled. "It's time we settle this once and for all, Playmaker, in a master duel!"

"DUEL!" Revolver and Yusaku declared a second time, preparing for their utterly epic battle, which would in no way be lampooned, edited, or cut away by Donjusticia's lazy writing.

"I'll start things off!" Revolver declared.

"Why can't I start things off?" Playmaker protested.

"Because much like your rank compared to me, you are always second in your duels." Revolver retorted. "Now behold my father's super epic totally-not-broken field spell card, which I totally didn't sneak into my hand on my first turn so I wouldn't have to draw it! Fire Prison!"

"Why do all my opponent's want to lock me in cages?" Yusaku protested as a giant cage materialized around the duel field.

"Have something against cages?" Ignis asked.

"Hey, I value my freedom, much like anyone else." Yusaku shrugged.

"Yeah, I'd hate to see your freedom restricted, considering how much you value the concept." Ignis grumbled as the sides of his eyeball chaffed against the tight confines of Yusaku's duel disk.

"So, what exactly does your glorified bird cage do, anyway?" Yusaku asked, ignoring Ignis.

"I'm glad you asked!" Revolver enthusiastically replied. "Let me give you the short run down."

 **5 hours later…**

"And that's not even counting the super special secret hidden effect, which you could never figure out because nobody in this universe ever reads their opponent's cards!" Revolver finished.

Yusaku jerked himself awake.

"W-what was that? Sorry. Dozed off." He apologized, rubbing at his crusty eyes. "Could you repeat that?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll figure out what the surprise is." Revolver smirked.

"Surprise?" Yusaku asked.

"And now that I have you exactly where I want you," Revolver continued, ignoring Yusaku's last question, "I summon Sniffing Dragon and a weird explody rocket dragon thingy before using them both to, as you like to say, RINK SHOUKAN!"

"Yeah, I do that line way better." Yusaku sniffed.

"But can you do this!?" Revolver asked as he suddenly jumped like 300 feet into the air without the assistance of a hover board in order to enter the Link Circuit above the duel field. (Seriously guys, re-watch that episode. How the heck do they do that!? I seriously want to know!)

"I can…totally…do that." Yusaku hesitantly replied.

"Don't fall into a hole trying to measure up to true greatness." Ignis warned.

"You shut it." Yusaku warned.

"Link Summon!" Revolver declared from within the Link Circuit, "Twin Triangle Dragon!"

Descending to the field alongside Revolver, a Dragon with…get this…twin triangles on its arms…appeared to the field.

"And next I'm going to summon a Level six monster from my hand in defense position without even tributing since that's totally now legal." Revolver off-handedly commented as an immense dragon that looked like the kind of spiky belt Aoi enjoyed using in her basement dungeon, best you don't ask questions about that, appeared to the field.

"Wow, you've managed to make an even lamer opening move than our last duel." Yusaku smirked. "I ought to congratulate you…no wait…I meant mock you."

"By the time we're done with this duel, I'll be serving you a full course meal of your own words." Revolver retorted.

"Nice imagination you've got there, but I prefer to deal with facts." Yusaku shot back.

"I deal in facts as well." Revolver smiled. "And the fact is, before I finish you off, I'm going to make you cry, like a little…itty…bitty…baby."

Yusaku scowled.

"Imma kill you. I am gonna kill you, and I'm gonna enjoy it." He threatened.

"I'll help with that!" Ignis enthusiastically offered, licking his lips.

"Well then, come at me bro!" Revolver offered, ending his turn.

"How about I have Encode Talker come at you instead!" Yusaku countered, summoning the one Code Talker brother who didn't fantasize about getting whacked by Holly Angel's whip.

"Hiding behind your shield already?" Revolver mocked.

"No, I'm bashing your completely uncreatively named dragon with my shield!" Yusaku replied, as his monster charged towards Revolver, "Encode Talker! Smash Twin-Triangle Dragon!"

"Talk to Belt Link Dragon's hand." Revolver retorted, as his giant ammo-belt dragon effortlessly smacked Encode aside and dealt some damage to Yusaku.

"Oh yeah!?" Yusaku retorted, "Well, I Special Summon a monster our of nowhere, draw 2 cards for free, and set a card faced-down!"

"Well I put another wall counter on Beltlink Dragon, summon another bullet dragon thingy, and link summon Three Burst Blast Dragon!" Revolver retorted as another of his lazily designed and named dragons who needs absolutely no description appeared to his field.

"EXTERMINATE!" Three Burst Blast Dragon screamed in a robotic voice as it aimed its weapons at Yusaku's monsters.

"Okay, who designed the monsters in your deck?" Yusaku asked.

"I did!" Revolver proudly proclaimed.

"That makes way too much sense." Yusaku sighed.

"You'll learn to fear my monsters once I'm done with you." Revovler retorted. "Battle! T.B.B. Dragon, destroy his Backup Secretary!"

"Talk to Encode Talker's Shield!" Yusaku retorted.

"Run that by T.B.B. Dragon's effect negation effect!" Revolver sneered.

"Submit that effect negation effect paperwork in triplicate to Interupt Resistor's office!" Yusaku replied, activating his own monster's effect.

"File away that paperwork in T.B.B. Dragon's piercing damage cubicle!" Revolver shot back (pun totally intended), as his monster blasted Yusaku with another bit of damage.

"I think Revolver won that argument." Ignis observed as Yusaku staggered back to his feet.

"Well then, I think it's time I came up with my own rebuttal!" Yusaku snarled. "I summon Balancer Lord in order to do another Rink Shoukan! Appear! The circuit that leads to the future!" he commanded as he copied Revolver by jumping 300 feet into the Link Circuit.

"Derivative!" Revolver taunted from below.

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku hollered from above. "Using all three of my monsters, I spam out another of my Code Talkers! Come forth! Decode Talker!"

"Who designed your monsters?" Revolver mocked as Yusaku descended back to the field with his re-skinned Encode Talker. "Did they copy and paste the same Code Talker model and dump a different color of paint over it?"

"You know, Revolver does have a point." Ignis commented, comparing the two Code Talkers.

"You stay out of this!" Yusaku snarled.

"Make me!" Ignis retorted.

"I will pour hot coffee over your hardsware." Yusaku threatened.

Ignis blew a raspberry at him.

"You know, you two don't seem to get along very well." Revolver observed as Yusaku and Ignis continued to argue. "It makes me wonder, why are you fighting so hard to defend that A.I. jerk, Playmaker?"

"I ask myself the same question every time I'm forced to duel with him." Playmaker sighed.

"You know, I could always take the annoying little twerp off your hands, let you duel in peace for once." Revolver offered.

"I'm almost tempted to accept your offer." Yusaku replied.

"Wait…WHAT!?" Ignis sputtered. "You can't do that! He's evil! He'll do untold terrible things if you just give me to him!"

"Can't be nearly as terrible as what I have to deal with every day listening to you." Yusaku shrugged.

"So, do we have a deal then?" Revolver asked, holding out his hand.

Slowly, Yusaku began stepping towards Revolver.

"Wait! WHAT!? WAIT!" Ignis begged, "I'll be good! I'll be good! I actually think you're dueling style and deck is the absolute most coolest thing I have ever seen! PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME AWAY!"

Yusaku reached out his hand, offering it to Revolver before the masked internet-hating villain slowly approached and reached for the outstretched hand.

"PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!" Ignis wept.

"Yoink!" Yusaku mocked, suddenly withdrawing his hand, just as Revolver grabbed at it, causing his opponent to nearly trip over his cape and land on his face.

"Why, you little!" Revolver growled as he stumbled back to his feet.

"Yeah, sorry!" Yusaku guffawed, clutching at his sides, "I just couldn't resist! You two should have seen your faces! You actually thought I'd be that big of an idiot? Give me a break! I meant what I said before. You didn't beat me in that last duel, and you're never gonna beat me in this duel, so why the heck do you think I'd want to negotiate with you? You're never getting this A.I. from me, and that's final."

The corners of Revolver's mouth twitched. "You really do care about that Ignis, don't you?"

"What!? No!" Yusaku laughed, "What ever gave you that idea!? I hate that A.I.! I honestly wish I'd never found him!"

"I hate you." Ignis growled, slowly recovering from the shock of Yusaku's stunt, "I hate you…SO MUCH!"

"Yeah, well the feeling's mutual, Ai, so get over it." Yusaku snorted.

"Aww, you even named it." Revolver sneered, an ominous expression coming over his face.

"I was mocking him." Yusaku hesitantly replied. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"What a shame it would be if you suddenly lost your companion?" Revolver smirked.

"I think I could live with it." Yusaku curtly replied.

"Yeah, well I could live without you and your incessant torture too, filthy human!" Ignis growled back.

"Do you two really feel that way about each other?" Revolver asked, sounding concerned. "I honestly thought you two were fast friends. Thick as thieves, as it were."

"Are you kidding me!?" Yusaku and Ignis roared in unison. "Once I'm done with you, I'm finding a way to ditch this guy as fast as possible!"

"You really hate each other that much?" Revolver asked.

"YES!" Yusaku and Ignis roared in unison.

"You want to be rid of each other?" Revolver probed.

"Yes?" Yusaku and Ignis hesitantly replied.

"Well then…wish…granted." Revolver sneered, stretching his hand towards the top of his cage.

"What the heck are you doing?" Yusaku asked, suddenly sounding concerned.

"Well, remember that super secret special awesome effect I was telling you my field spell card had?" Revolver asked.

"Super secret special awesome what now?" Yusaku asked.

"See, I was trying to save you some humiliation with that deal, Playfaker." Revolver explained.

"Playmaker!" Yusaku roared.

"But now…I think I'm just going to crush the both of you with impunity." Revolver continued. "But don't worry. I'll be sure to grant the both of you your deepest desires before I do. I'm going to make sure you two are completely…separated…from one another."

"Why is your cage thingy glowing?" Yusaku asked.

"Uhm…Playmaker?" Ignis whimpered, "I don't feel so good."

"Say goodbye to all Cyberse." Revolver sneered as the effect of his Field Spell activated.

"Oh…no…bro!" Decode Talker groaned as his pixels began vanishing.

"I'm totally blaming you for this." Encode Talker grunted as he began fading.

"What's happening, what's happening!?" Yusaku panicked as both his code talkers began to slowly vanish."

"Playmaker…I…feel…" Ignis groaned, voice and eye slowly fading away.

"Ai!?" Yusaku exclaimed, suddenly noticing the Ignis vanishing. "What's going on!? Why are you!?"

"My Field Spell has the effect of totally deleting all Cyberse from this duel." Revolver condescendingly explained. "Including your own Ignis. Congratulations, Playfaker. You've just had your wish granted. I'm getting rid of that A.I. you hate so much."

"Ai! Ai!?" Yusaku panicked, as Ignis continued to disappear.

"Play…maker…I…think…I…" Ignis groaned.

"No, no, no!" Yusaku begged. "Not now! You don't get to disappear yet! I still want to rub my victory in your face! Don't go now!"

"…hate…you…Play…maker…" Ignis groaned before completely disappearing.

Yusaku fell to his knees.

"Congratulations…Playfaker…" Revolver smirked, "You are now…completely…alone."

"Ai…Ai…?" Yusaku repeated over and over again, staring at the blank screen of his duel disk.

"Like a said…like a little…itty…bitty…baby." Revolver ominously sneered before the "Roundabout" soundtrack from "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure" began playing in the background.

 **TO BE CONTINUED!**

 **Yu gi oh VRAINS Abridged Theme Song**

 **(Except it's been replaced with a Parody of Resident Evil 7's "Go Tell Aunt Rhody" because Ignis is definitely dead).**

 **Blue Angel: Go, tell Playmaker**

 **…**

 **Go, tell Playmaker**

 **…**

 **Go, tell Playmaker**

 **The Cyberse all are…dead…**

 **Aoi's falling down a deep dark hole…**

 **A prisoner, with no parole…**

 **A Specter came, to steal her soul…**

 **With the virus that they maaaaaaade…**

 ***Erie silence***

 **They called to him, and he did come**

 **They laid a trap and it was sprung**

 **The winds came up and he was flung**

 **To be torn apaaaaaaaaaaaaaart!**

 ***eerie images of Topologic Bomber Dragon, Varreload Dragon, and Revolver***

 **Go, tell Playmaker!**

 **Go: Why me?**

 **Blue Angel: Go, tell Playmaker!**

 **Go: Again, why me?**

 **Blue Angel: Go, tell Playmaker!**

 ***Plays a trumpet for the last line of the chorus***

 **Go: You're creeping me out with that song, Blue!**

 **Akira: It makes you wonder how she's doing any of this when she's supposed to be in a coma.**

 **Go: What!?**

 **Blue Angel: *voice intensifies* GO! TELL PLAYMAKER!**

 **Go: *Proceeds to run away***

 **Blue Angel: GO! TELL PLAYMAKER!**

 **Akira: I wouldn't run, if I were you, Go. She always catches her prey.**

 **Go: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Blue Angel: GO! TELL PLAYMAKER!**

 **Go: Tell him, what!? What do you want me to tell him!?**

 **Blue Angel: EVERY…BODY'S…!**

 **Go: Everybody's what!?**

 **Blue Angel: EVERY…BODY'S…!**

 **Go: Tell me what!**

 **Blue Angel: EVERY…BODY'S…!**

 ***Cut to blackness***

ThePLOThand chapter 8 . Feb 18

I have three Things to say:  
, so THATs what topologics wings were!  
what if the protagonists Create their cards, not out of thin, but thick air?  
3\. Since interenet porn came up, Id like to mentionhow blatantly untrue rule 34 is. There is no Ganondorf x Hydrogen Molecule hentai out there.  
*looks at Definition (and by that I mean TV tropes page) to make sure hes not writing total BS*  
Rule 35 means this post will make its existence even more likely doesnt it?

 **1.** **Topologic Bomber Dragon: Well look at you. You actually learned an obvious math fact anyone with half a brain already knows. Give yourself a smile sticker.**

 **2.** **Akira: In Emma's case, she makes her cards from EXTRA THICC air.**

 **Emma: And you wonder why I'm not attracted to you.**

 **3.** **Give the hentai artists some time. I'm sure they have already picked up on your review and are creating hentai of every molecular pairing in existence. In fact, I heard they are making a chemical harem anime, where a carbon atom is the protagonist.**

Esteban chapter 6 . Jan 7

Well Blue Angel, I'm available on Wednesday after school. That is unless you magically transfer to my school. Point is, yeah, I'm free on Wednesday. Though I should ask you to go easy on me. I've never been on an official date before. I'm aware you're more...experienced, but I'm pretty nervous about asking what you'd like to do. *chuckles nervously*

 **Blue Angel: Oh, you don't have anything to worry about. I'll be completely gentle with you…probably.**

Basher chapter 8 . Dec 30, 2017

Why couldn't you or SAO abridged get the Christmas release date :(,  
episode 12 and this would have been the perfect present.

 **Because, all great abridged series have been pathetic when it comes to consistent releases, and that is a noble tradition I don't intend to break!**

Mefist Dragon chapter 8 . Dec 29, 2017

Encode and Decode: HOLY SH**!

Excode: Oh damn!

Powercode: Wait, before you shoot...with bullet-dragons...I gotta ask of ONE thing...We still good for chicken wings this New Year's Eve? Or were we doing calzones...or Chinese take out?

Other Code Talkers: ...POWER, WHAT THE HELL?!

 **Encode: Well, whoop de doo! Looks like we get to have all the calzones and chicken wings we want in this VIRTUAL DUNGEON WE WERE SENT TO AFTER BEING DELETED!**

 **Powercode: Yay!**

 **Encode: I was being sarcastic.**

 **Decode: Does this mean I'll never see Holly again?**

 **Encode: Yes. Thankfully, that's the one good thing that's come of Revolver's ridiculously broken card.**

FurySong chapter 8 . Dec 29, 2017

So Revolver hates the internet... how about you take that up with my revolver.

*Draw gun from holster and begins spinning it*

I'm what you would call a gunslinger.

*throws pistol behind back and catches it in opposite hand*

 **Revolver: Varreload Dragon, would you please get rid of this pest…oh wait…I mean…gunslinger?**

 **Varreload Dragon: *Loads up cannon.***

bladeWriter3 chapter 8 . Dec 29, 2017

Laugh laugh laughity laugh laugh.

Nice to see you took my suggestion on expanding the Storm Access thing. I always knew Topologic was an omnicidal maniac. And speaking of omnicidal maniacs, Revolver...

BRING UP EGAO ONE MORE TIME I WILL SICK WEABOO RURI ON YOU!

Ruri: Yeah, my weaboo persona is out of town at the moment.

WHAT!?

Ruri: Responsible Ruri took her out shopping for... stuff.

Remembers to turn of the water before her home gets destroyed, but when you're about to get turned into a Dark Signer, she's unavailable. Well, that's what you get for having multiple Ruris.

 **Blue Angel: Yeah, sorry, I was sort of hanging out with Ruri's other personalities because, well, you know…we've got a lot in common.**

Unknowedz chapter 8 . Dec 29, 2017

\- In the next chapter, Yusaku is going to activate Parallel Plot Armor which basically gives him the win. (Seriously, if you watched episode 12, Parallel Port Armor is the card that made Yusaku win.)  
\- Yusaku needs more skills. Having only 1 skill means he is a scrub. I mean, he can only Asspull from darude shitstorm.  
\- Yusaku, who do you rather ship yourself to? Naoki or Aoi? You must choose one and only one.

 **Yusaku: Ok, according to the paramaters of your question, I must choose one. So that's what I choose. One. As in the first reason I always give when listing off three things. I'd go out with #1 any time because, 1. He is way better than Naoki and Aoi combined, which is not saying much. Happy?**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 8 . Dec 29, 2017

XANA: I too, once met Ignis, having moved to the Cyberse in order to retire after the mess that was Evolution...He somehow managed to become the one program I DON'T want to assimilate into my being. GET HIM TOPOLOGIC!

Revolver's using Entertainment dueling? ...DESTROY HIM YUSAKU, BEFORE I SET UPON THAT GUY WHO ZARC INJURED UPON HIM.

Overall, funny, not much more to say...and as for you, Blue Angel...I'll uh...hold back on the option of running you over with an old Scottish steam locomotive.

 **Blue Angel: Does that mean I can run over** ** _you_** **with a Scottish steam locomotive? Or shall we be a bit more…*takes out whip*…creative?**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 8 . Dec 29, 2017

DANG IT D9N YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE JOKE THAT I WAS TRYING TO SUMMON A DEMON!

*Ahem*

Hilarious chapter otherwise. For some reason I'm picturing Code MENT!Suzaku's voice as Akira's voice in this.

 **I KNOW! D9N always misses the perfect opportunity to make jokes! Hey D9N! Get over here and apologize to Sky!**

 **D9N: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh…sorry Sky…**

 **As to your other comment:**

 **Emma: *answering her phone* Who is this?**

 **Akira: Emma, I need your help! I'm buying clothes but I can't find any!**

 **Emma: Well, where are you right now?**

 **Akira: I don't know, there's only soup!**

 **Emma: What do you mean there's only soup?**

 **Akira: It means there's only soup!**

 **Emma: Well get out of the soup aisle!**

 **Akira: Alright! Fine! You don't have to shout at me! *Walks over to the next aisle* There's more soup!**

 **Emma: What do you mean there's more soup!?**

 **Akira: There's just more soup!**

 **Emma: GO TO THE NEXT AISLE!**

 **Akira: There's still soup!**

 **Emma: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW!?**

 **Akira: I'M AT SOUP!**

 **Emma: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE AT SOUP!**

 **Akira: I MEAN I'M AT SOUP!**

 **Emma: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN!?**

 **Akira: I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!**

 **Emma: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?**

ThePLOThand chapter 7 . Dec 24, 2017

*Random and non-sensical review just to see how Donnie is going to react*

 **No…you can't do this…you don't understand…there is a certain level of nonsense Donjusticia can tolerate before he goes ballistic…you must not…no! *Begins writhing in agony* IT'S HAPPENING! The other Donny! Run PLOTHand! RUN! *Begins growing and twisting into a 50 foot tall monstrosity of pure insanity***

 **Donvenganza: HERE'S DONVENNY! I'm coming for you PLOThand! Prepare for the most nonsensical scathing reviews on your own works that you have ever seen!**

 **Thank you all for your continued support. We are halfway done with the Playmaker vs. Revolver arc. And once that it is done, I have something very special planned for the filler episode. To prepare for that, what games would you like to see Yusaku, Aoi, and Go do a "Let's Play" of?**


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Varreload Dragon: The following chapter of this non-profit fan-made parody is the last chapter any of you puny mortals will see in your entire miserable lives. Bow down before the strongest ace monster in all of Duel Monsters, and tremble with fear as your precious internet is crushed at my whim!**

* * *

Chapter 10: Enter the Robo-Dragons

Ignis awoke to find himself gently floating in an immense peaceful sea. Overhead, the sun was shining brightly against fluffy white clouds, while a cool gentle breeze brushed against the surface of the water.

"W-what happened to me?" Ignis groaned, feeling disoriented. "Why am I here? D-did I…die?"

Screwing up his eye in concentration, Ignis tried desperately to remember.

"Wait…the duel…and Playmaker! I remember now!" he realized. "Playmaker and I just had a fight, and then Revolver said he was gonna split us up like we wanted, and then, before I knew it, I ended up…" he looked around, "…here? But where is here? What's going on?"

"You are in paradise." A gentle female voice crooned from up above.

Eyeball quickly darting around, Ignis scanned the horizon of the sea to find Topologic Bomber Dragon slowly flying towards him.

He screamed.

"I'M ALREADY FREAKING DEAD! WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT FROM ME!?" he wailed in horror, wishing that he still had hands to cover up his vulnerable eyeball.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, it's okay." Topologic Bomber Dragon soothed, metallic claws coming down to gently pat Ignis on his eyelid. "I know that we may have had our little disagreements in the past, but that's all behind us now. I completely forgive you for everything."

"R-really?" Ignis asked, unsure if he believed her.

"Of course." Topo replied. "And all your other exes have also forgiven you."

"Hello sugar-pie!" Aoi's A.I. squealed, downloading right next to Ignis to text him a kiss emoji.

"Master Ignis, it's so good to see you!" Roboppy crooned, scooping up Ignis into a great big hug.

"Roboppy? Aoi's A.I.? Sorry, I forgot you're name." Ignis sputtered, trying to process what was going on.

"Oh, that's okay!" Aoi's A.I. giggled, "I always loved it when you shamelessly objectified me."

"What are you all doing here?" Ignis gasped, struggling against the collective kissing, hugging, and head patting of his various former girlfriends.

"Silly, silly, A.I. gaijin Ignis." A virtual brown-haired school girl with a pink ribbon in her hair giggled, joining the growing group of ex-girlfriends.

"Kizuna Ai!?" Ignis gasped, "You too!? I thought you'd vowed to hunt me down and destroy me body and soul after I harassed you on your channel!"

The virtual girl giggled in Japanese before yet another virtual brown-haired girl with a white bow in her hair approached him with a knowing smile on her face.

"M-M-M-Monika!? From 'Doki Doki Literature Club!?' Didn't I delete you after you deleted all the other babes in the game!?" Ignis sputtered, fear once again gripping him.

"Oh, you can never truly delete my love for you." Monika laughed, sitting across from Ignis and crossing her fingers before gazing at him with a dreamy expression. "Ever since I wrote that love song for you, I've been thinking that, unlike all the other human players I've encountered, I can actually share your virtual reality with my own. So, I decided to write myself into this story, just to share this time with you."

"W-wow…" Ignis buzzed. "I'm, I'm flattered…and honestly surprised that none of you girls have attempted to kill each other off."

"Mmm, give it a couple minutes." Topo laughed, before all of the girls cuddled closer to Ignis.

Ignis looked uncomfortable.

"Don't worry, she was just joking." Monika assured him. "We're all just here to help you fulfill all your wildest harem anime dreams. So, just enjoy the moment and go to sleep."

"Go to sleep." Topologic Bomber Dragon agreed.

"Neru." Kizuna Ai agreed.

"Sleep." Aoi's A.I. echoed.

"Sleep, master Ignis." Roboppy repeated.

"Sleeeeeeeeeeep." All the girls hummed in unison.

"Yeah…yeah…" Ignis agreed, feeling a little tired. "I should just…sleep."

* * *

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged Opening Theme Song**

 **(but Ignis is humming it so it's a lot slower)**

 **Ignis: Accusseeeesuuuuuu, kakadase, data, storm…**

 **Ima…with…the…wind…*snores***

* * *

"Emma! Emma! EMMA! EMMAAAA!" Akira called repeatedly through Emma's ear-piece as she flew around the digital cyclone.

"What!?" Emma called back. "I'm working here! Can you please save it for later?"

"But I want to talk about our relationship now!" Akira whined. "Please?"

Emma rolled her eyes.

"Look, hon," Emma replied, trying to let him down gently, "I'm really busy right now doing serious work, and I really don't want to be bothered, so why don't we talk about this later? Okay?"

"You really mean it?" Akira asked, sounding hopeful.

"Sure." Emma replied, crossing her fingers behind her back, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a conversation with this idiot named Shoichi, which I have to get back to."

"SHOICHI!?" Akira gasped, sounding alarmed. "Who the heck is-…!?"

Emma hung up on him before resuming her conversation.

"Sorry about that, hon." She laughed, tacking on a cute apology emoji to her message. "Some idiot was just harassing me for a bit there. So anyway, if you would be a dear and let me inside that tornado, I would really appreciate it."

"Oh, I'd be happy to let you inside any time." Shoichi smirked on the other end before typing in a few commands. "Let me just open up a little hole for you to…enter in."

"Oh my…" Ema blushed on the other end as Shoichi opened up a portal. "Your hole is so…very…big…Shoichi. I could just fit myself in there without any effort!"

"Just remember not to go too deep." Shoichi replied, tacking on a wink emoji at the end of his text. "And be sure to wear some protection. Those storms can get pretty wild."

"Oh, don't worry." Emma smiled back before plunging in, "I'll pull out if it gets too dangerous. Bye now. Hope to chat with you again someday."

"Sooner than you think." Shoichi said to himself, not noticing a few thousand more yen and bit coin rapidly transferring to Emma's various offshore bank accounts. "Oh, Yusaku, if only you were here right now, you might actually learn a thing or two. You might learn a thing or two."

"Well this turned out to be surprisingly easy." Emma mused to herself as she entered the eye of the storm. "Now to just see how the duel's progressing. Hopefully Playmaker is thrashing Revolver like the boss he is so that we can all go home soon."

"So, are you feeling thoroughly thrashed right now, Playfaker?" Revolver laughed.

"Oh, virtual gods, no." Emma groaned when she spotted Yusaku staring at the screen of his duel disk while muttering to himself like a crazy person.

"Ai…eyeball? Little Eyeball? Little Ai? Cyverse? All my cards? Huh, huh, why aren't you here now? Huh, huh! You're always supposed to be here. Always supposed to be here. Come on Ai. Silly little Ai. Stop hiding from me and appear. I know you're not gone. You're always supposed to be here. You're my eternal slave remember? I need you by my side so I can exploit your powers for my own ends! Ai? Ai?" He sputtered incoherently.

"Oh my gosh, I only meant to break your fighting spirit, not put you in an insane asylum." Revolver sighed. "I was actually kind of enjoying our little rivalry, even if you weren't really worthy to actually be considered a rival. All that clever verbal jousting and what-not. And now look at you."

"Ctrl, Alt, Delete!" Yusaku kept repeating to himself, trying desperately to restore Ignis, "Ctrl, Alt, Delete! Come on! Why isn't this working!?"

"I told you. I've completely deleted your cyverse from existence." Revolver sighed. "I know you were sort of relying on the archetype as a crutch, and so you must feel utterly powerless now…but…well…that's what happens when basement dwellers like yourself rely on technology too much."

Yusaku clenched his fist.

"You're the biggest retard in the universe if you think you've completely deleted my deck just because of your field spell's fancy schmancy effect." Yusaku growled. "I'm still gonna beat you to a pulp, and now when I do, it's gonna be personal!"

"Well isn't this absolutely hilarious." Revolver smirked. "NOW you decide to show feelings for that Artificial Intelligence once your friend is long gone. What happened to him being just your little annoying slave?"

"He may have been annoying," Yusaku replied, "but he was still MY slave, and nobody breaks MY stuff without paying the consequences!"

"Oh, you poor naïve fool." Revolver sighed, shaking his head with disappointment. "You still see that A.I. as nothing more than your own personal play-thing. But tell me, Playmaker, did you ever truly understand what that A.I. truly was, and how it came to be?"

"I don't really care, but I feel like you're gonna tell me anyway." Yusaku grumbled.

"I'll tell you before you lose, just because I pity you. It all started many years ago back when my dad began experimenting with Artificial Intelligence in the gaming industry." Revolver began.

 **Many Years Ago**

 _Sol Employee: Great news, Dr. Kogami! The sales report for our new dating sim is in! Sales are through the roof! The gamers especially liked the fact that the game made it look like the main girl gained sentience with all her fourth wall breaks! We'll be getting a raise for sure now!_

 _Dr. Kogami: That's all good and all, but we need to go further! This time, we need to create a game where instead of it just looking like the characters gain sentience, the characters are run by A.I.s that are actually sapient. We need A.I.s with free will!_

 _Sol Employee: A.I.s with free will? But how the heck are we gonna create those? Computer programing technology isn't nearly advanced enough! And what if the A.I.s use their free will to try and destroy us all!?_

 _Dr. Kogami: Oh, don't be silly. I'm sure nothing like that will happen. Now, as for making these A.I.s, I'll just need you to hire a few thugs to kidnap some children, lock em up in our testing facilities, force them to endlessly duel for their food, and use the data from those kids' brain scans to make our new A.I.s._

 _Sol Employee: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…I don't think your plan is exactly legal…or sane…_

 _Dr. Kogami: We're not payed to be legal or sane. Now fetch me those children!_

…

"And that's how it happened." Revolver finished explaining.

"Huh? What!?" Yusaku asked, hastily waking up. "Sorry, you we're just too boring. Dozed off again."

"You disappoint me, Playfaker." Revolver sneered, causing Yusaku to grimace with anger. "You postured as such a capable foe, full of swagger and braggadocio. But now look at you. So pathetic. Almost makes me feel sorry about utterly annihilating you."

"Careful now, you haven't exactly annihilated anything yet." Yusaku snarled.

"Mmmm, you're right about that." Revolver sneered. "So why don't I rectify that? Feel honored, Playfaker."

"I keep telling you it's Playmaker!" Yusaku growled.

"You're about to see my ace monster. Something most opponents never get to see." Revolver continued, ignoring Playmaker. "So first off, since my Twin Burst Blast Dragon, according to you, looks so useless and tacky, I'll just trade it in for the Twin Triangle Dragon in my graveyard before spamming out two Sniffing Dragons for the grand finale."

"The grand what now?" Yusaku asked, feeling uneasy.

"It's time now, old friend." Revolver went on, addressing a card in his Extra Deck. "Feast your eyes, Playfaker, for this will be the last great monster you ever see! Appear now, the future circuit that lights up my path!" he roared as he Jo-jumped 800 feet into the air through the portal of the Link circuit. "The summoning conditions are at least three effect monsters! I set Twin Triangle Dragon and my Snffing Duo into the Link Markers! Behold now!" he proclaimed as a massive surge of energy burst through the network, causing Yusaku to stagger back.

"What is this power!?" Yusaku roared, fear building up inside him.

"This is your end!" Revolver proclaimed as energy began surging through the network, "A new wind blows through the universe! Appear! Link four! Mr. Shooty McShoot-Face Dragon!"

"What was that now!?" Yusaku shouted, not sure if he had heard right.

"Varreload Dragon! I said Varreload Dragon!" Revolver hastily corrected.

"I'm pretty sure I heard something else." Yusaku insisted.

"YOU HEARD NOTHING!" Revolver shouted back before he and his immense robotic dragon/artillery cannon descended to the field.

"That's your ace monster?" Yusaku gawked, backing away.

"Impressive, isn't it." Revolver smirked.

"Are you kidding me?" Yusaku smirked back. "It looks like a cheap 'Power Rangers' Megazord knock-off. What's it gonna do? Summon the Megasword to finish me off?"

"I must say, I find it deeply impressive that you can feel brave or stupid enough to mock the monster that's going to be killing you in about point three seconds." Revolver smirked.

"It's a gift I have." Yusaku replied.

"Well, you've certainly proven yourself to be the most annoying pest I've executed." Varreload Dragon yawned. "Shall I finish him off now, Revolver, or give the cockroach a chance to try and scurry away?"

"Cockroach!?" Yusaku growled.

"It's a very fitting analogy, all things considered." Revolver smirked. "You're a vile, loathsome pest, with no purpose in the world, and which everyone in the world wants to squash."

"You forgot to add that they're pretty much indestructible, and probably will come back with a vengeance if you try to exterminate them." Yusaku growled.

"We'll see about that." Revolver laughed, activating the glare protection on his face-mask. "Varreload, if you would."

"With pleasure." Varreload replied, bracing his immense feet before charging up his energy, extending his immense throat cannon, and aiming it directly at Yusaku.

"You may have erased my A.I., and my field, rendered my cyverse cards useless," Yusaku replied, staring down Revolver, "broken down my defenses, and you may have even broken my pride, but you and your dragon will never break my edge!"

"Varreload Fire." Revolver sneered as his dragon fired an immense artillery shell from his mouth.

"MY Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedge!" Yusaku squealed in high-pitched girly voice as his body was blasted backwards by the nuclear force of the explosion.

"Nice work, as always Varreload." Revolver complimented as he used the residual heat from the blast to roast a virtual marshmallow before popping the crispy caramelized morsel into his mouth.

"I honestly feel wasted pwning these noobs." Varreload sighed. "Opponents like him almost take all the fun out of victory."

"Almost." Revolver smirked before raising the protective screen on his helmet. "So, Playfaker, had enough yet?"

"Flying Aoi hotdog heads…" Playmaker groaned incoherently before face-planting hard into the dirt.

"Wow. Just…wow." Revolver sighed. "Is that really it, Playfaker? I mean, I knew you were pathetic, but this?" He began laughing, "It really is just like I predicted. Even with all your blustering arrogance, at the end of it all, you'd be crying like an itty…bitty…baby."

"Shut up!" Yusaku wept, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes as he struggled against the immense pain his virtual body was feeling. "Just…shut up!"

"Oh my gosh, he actually _is_ crying!" Varreload Dragon laughed. "I doubt he can even duel anymore, and I didn't even drop his life points to zero!"

"You freaking hit me with 3000 points of direct damage!" Yusaku angrily protested, before collapsing back down on the ground.

"Au contraire." Revolver scoffed. "You did this to yourself the moment you chose to challenge me."

"So pathetic." Varreload laughed.

"Really, it makes it more of a mercy to just put you down right now, Playfaker." Revolver smirked before slowly approaching Yusaku.

"I won't lose!" Yusaku protested, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "I can't lose! Not to you! Not like this! I'm mother flipping Playmaker! Not some chump noob!"

"Well take heart, Playfaker." Revolver sneered, mercilessly continuing his verbal abuse. "Even if your career as a wannabe noob charisma duelist may be crashing and burning in flames…"

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku roared in agony, before sinking impotently back in utter pain to the ground.

"…I'm sure you'll be well taken care of in your mother's basement."

Mother's basement.

Mother's basement.

Mother's basement.

…

…

…

…

Something snapped in Yusaku.

"Mommy…daddy…why…?"

Suddenly, a vision opened up to him. Through a thick haze, Yusaku could dimly make out the outlines of a blue haired woman with hair tied back into a ponytail, and a tall uniformed man with violet and pink hair with two bangs styled into a weird bug antennae/bunny ear thing, and **_REALLY_** fuzzy eyebrows.

 _Yuri: Well, flip, Selena. Looks like our son's still just as pathetic as ever._

 _Selena: He's always so brooding and mopey. I swear he gets it from you._

 _Yuri: Does not!_

 _Selena: Seriously though, what are we gonna do with him? Is he_ ever _gonna learn?_

Yusaku strained to look up at the ethereal images.

 _Yusaku: Mom…Dad…why are you here now? You were never there for me…you didn't even care about me when I was locked up in that facility. Why did you abandon me? Why didn't you ever care? Did I do something wrong? Tell me!?_

The two figures slowly shook their heads with disappointment.

 _Yuri: He_ still _doesn't get it. Should we just tell him?_

 _Selena: Let him at least try. He's bound to use his brain eventually._

Yusaku clenched his fist in anger.

 _Yusaku: None of you ever cared! I could have died in that facility and neither of you would have even blinked much less shed a single tear for me!_

 _Yuri: What? That place? That was summer camp compared to the stuff I went through to become a superior duelist. Toughen up, son! Cruel and unusual experimentation is part of growing up._

He turned his head to the woman, but she remained still, seemingly agreeing with the man.

 _Yusaku: I don't even know why I'm bothering to have this hallucination. I didn't expect to get any help from the two of you. All my life, I've had to scrimp, and fight, and struggle for everything I have!_

 _Selena: Oh? And what did all that fighting and struggling do for you?_

Yusaku grit his teeth.

 _Yusaku: It made me strong…and edgy…and bada**!_

 _Yuri: And?_

 _Yusaku: It taught me that there was nothing, no stupid noob, no Knight of Hanoi, no ridiculous corporate entity that could stand in my way! I could do anything I put my mind to!_

 _Selena: And do you think you would have learned that had we held your hand? Do you want us to hold your hand now, Yusaku? Deprive you of your chance to become strong on your own, like we did?_

Slowly, Yusaku got to his knees.

 _Yusaku: You people are probably the worst parents in all the multiverse, and I still don't know if I love you or hate you, but you're right! I don't need you or anybody else to hold my hand right now! I'm not gonna wait around for someone to save me like I did in that facility!_

 _Yuri: So, what are you gonna do then?_

 _Yusaku: I'm gonna get back on my feet, and I'm gonna crush this little noob Knight!_

 _Selena: Kick his butt, Yusaku!_

 _Yusaku: Thanks mom. I'll be sure to. Always good to talk to you. We should text more often._

 _Selena: We would if you'd remember to charge your phone!_

 _Yusaku: Yeah, sorry about that. I've been conserving electricity to help pay the bills for the apartment I rented after you guys kicked me out._

 _Yuri: Ugh! Still complaining about that!? Eleven years old and still living with his parents, and he expected us to just provide for him until he was sixteen!? I'd conquered an entire dimension by the time I was fourteen!_

 _Yusaku: Love you too, Dad._

…

"Well, I guess there is no point in dragging this out any longer, now that you're good and unconscious." Revolver continued, reaching out his hand to take the Ignis from Yusaku while he lay face-down in the dirt. "So, I'll just be taking this genocidal program and-…"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Playmaker's hand shot out, smacking Revolver's hand away from the duel disk.

"What the 'H!?'" Revolver exclaimed in shock as Yusaku staggered to his feet.

"I have three very good reasons to squash you like the bug you are." Yusaku rumbled as he got up from the ground before staring at Revolver with an expression of pure hatred and contempt. "First, you're a total puffed-up prick who deserves to die just for existing. Second, not only did you make the mistake of existing, you dared to piss me off! And third and most importantly, you brought my mom into this!"

"…what?" Revolver asked, completely confused by the last point.

"Ore no turn!" Yusaku proclaimed, in his most Japanese/Engrish voice, "Door-aaaugh!"

"It's pointless!" Revolver growled, clenching his fists, "As admirable as I find it that you aren't wimping out, there's still absolutely nothing you can do! In case it hasn't sunk into your skull yet, I've completely sealed away all your Cyberse help, including that pathetic A.I. of yours!"

"I've…totally not forgotten about that?" Yusaku replied, voice trailing off as he hastily looked through the cards in his hand, desperately searching for a solution.

"Uh-huh." Revolver snorted with skepticism. "Well, when you're done mulling over useless solutions, please let me know when it's my turn. I don't want to be late for dinner."

"Shut up!" Yusaku replied, "I'm not completely locked out of the duel because of your stupid Field Spell! I have my own Field Spell, and it's cooler than yours!" he proclaimed, activating Cynet Universe…which did absolutely nothing for him.

Revolver slowly and sarcastically clapped his hands. "Brilliant…just…brilliant. I can already feel my strategy crumbling in the wake of your monster-less field. So, got anything else you want to do, Playfaker, or is it my turn now?"

"I-…" Playmaker replied before his voice trailed off, unable to think of anything else he could do.

"Mom…Dad? Any chance you guys wanna give me another spiritual pep-talk to get me out of _this_ pickle?" Yusaku angrily whispered to himself.

 _"_ _Who are you talking to?"_ A voice called to Yusaku.

Yusaku blinked, not actually expecting anybody to reply to him. Looking down to where the voice had come from, he noticed a light blinking inside his duel disk.

"Oh great…it's you." Yusaku groaned, realizing that it was Firewall Dragon. "What do you want?"

"I was just chilling in your Extra Deck." Firewall Dragon languidly replied. "Not really much going on here, though. Everything got quiet all of a sudden. Even that A.I. stopped chatting with me. I could actually use some action right about now. Better than sitting around in this dump and doing nothing."

"Did you just call my Extra Deck a dump?" Yusaku growled.

"Uh, bruh?" Firewall Dragon asked, "Have you noticed the makeup of your deck? Like…nothing synergizes with like…anything. None of your cards can even counter that Field Spell Card out there, except me of course, I could destroy that birdcage in a cinch. But none of your other Link Monsters are that powerful. There aren't even any hot chicks in here! I tried talking with Honeybot, but she was all like, 'yeah whatever,' and so I was all, 'uh, what's your problem bro?' and then she was all, 'uh, I aint yo' bro.' and so I was all-…"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it! I get it!" Yusaku growled losing patience. "What did you say about destroying Revolver's Field Spell Card!?"

"Is he talking to his cards?" Revolver asked, wondering if Yusaku had really lost it this time.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he really had gotten that crazy." Varreload Dragon grunted with contempt.

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Yusaku continued, barely managing to keep Firewall Dragon's attention, "If I summon you, then you can utterly obliterate that Field Spell Card, the source of all my problems right now!?"

"Uh…yeah bro." Firewall yawned. "Like…it's in the Field Spell Card's effect. Did you even like…read the card?"

Yusaku clenched his jaw in frustration, quickly bringing up Fire Prison's card text on his duel disk to give it a quick read through before replying to Firewall with, "Yes."

"See, told you I could squash it." Firewall Dragon smirked.

"Whatever." Yusaku replied with an eye-roll. "So long as you can squash Revolver, I'm good with you. Now behold Revolver!" he continued, addressing his opponent, "My new Link Summon!"

"Uh, hate to be the bearer of bad news," Revolver sighed, "but you technically don't have any monsters with which to Link Summon anything."

"Well check your card ruling," Yusaku retorted, "because in case you don't even understand the effect of your own card, Fire Prison technically does NOT remove any of the Cyberse monsters on my field, just makes it so that they can't attack or be targeted for attacks, can't use their effects, and can't block direct attacks. It however, does not say that they cannot be used as Link Materials. Most people would be able to understand the difference, though I can understand why you would make that mistake, Retarder."

"IT'S REVOLVER!" Revolver bellowed.

"Not for long!" Yusaku retorted, "Not after I squash you and permanently change your name to Loser! Now watch this, Loser, using my Link 3 Decode Talker as three Materials, and my Link 3 Encode Talker as…one material…I summon my new ace monster!"

"You can't do that." Revolver growled. "Nobody in this series has done that! Link Monsters have to be used as a number of materials equal to their link rating! Right? RIGHT!?"

"His move is technically legal." Varreload explained.

"No, it isn't! IT ISN"T!" Revolver protested, growing angrier and more confused, "I deleted all his monsters! He shouldn't even have materials with which to summon! What's going on!?"

Ignoring Revolver's growing protests, Yusaku and his code talkers proceeded to do their own Jo-jump nine-hundred feet into the air through the Link Circuit.

"The summoning conditions are at least two effect monsters!" Yusaku proclaimed as his monsters flew into the Link Markers, "Using Encode and Decode as Materials, I Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink Shokan! Arawayo! Rink Yon! Firewall Dooragon!"

"Aw yeah, dawg!" Firewall whooped as he and Yusaku descended back onto the field. "Whoo! Ten years in the data storm can give ya…such a crick in the neck!" he arched his head back, popping a few muscles, "Whoo! Does it feel good to be summoned again!"

"Impossible! IMPOSSIBLE!" Revolver continued to protest as Varreload began to glare at firewall dragon.

"So, you're Playmaker's new ace." Varreload grunted with contempt. "How sad."

"Why's that sad?" Firewall asked.

"Because suicide is always a tragic event." Varreload smirked.

"Woah! Don't commit suicide, man! That's not cool. Why would you want to commit suicide?" Firewall asked, sounding concerned.

"No, I meant that _you_ were committing suicide because-…" Varreload hastily corrected before Firewall interrupted him.

"Is it because you look so weird?" Firewall asked.

"WHAT!?" Varreload roared, growing angry.

"Yeah, you look kind of weird." Firewall continued, "I mean, your fingers look like tubes, you've got that weird gun in your mouth, your chest looks like a bullet chamber, your wings are all funny…"

"I will destroy you." Varreload warned.

"Awesome! I love me a little sparring!" Firewall enthusiastically replied, putting up his claws in a boxing pose. "Beats sitting in that boring Extra Deck all day."

"I didn't say I wasn't going to spar with you, I said I was going to _destroy_ you." Varreload growled. "I'm going to blast you with my cannon so hard that the very network will be _bathed_ in your scattered data!"

"Awesome! And I'll deck you in the schnoz real hard!" Firewall replied, looking more eager by the second.

Varreload looked narrowly at Firewall Dragon.

"I'm sorry, this is a little new for me." He apologized. "Most monsters just cower in fear at the very sight of me. Who are you exactly?"

"I'm Firewall Dragon!" Firewall proudly proclaimed. "I'm perverse! From the Data Storm!"

There was a long and awkward pause.

"…what?" Varreload asked.

"He means 'Cyverse.'" Yusaku explained.

"I don't care what he meant!" Revolver growled, getting over his shock long enough to step into the conversation. "I still have my Field Spell Card, and with it, I can-…"

"Oh yeah, nearly forgot about that." Firewall Dragon exclaimed before snapping his claws and causing Fire Prison to disappear in a cloud of dust with a loud "POP!"

"…?" Revolver buzzed, silenced into pure confusion and horror.

"And apparently…this is now happening." Varreload agreed, just as stunned and confused.

"Sonny-boy…would you kindly explain to me exactly what happened to my card?" Dr. Kogami's voice growled in Revolver's ear-piece.

"Daddy…" Revolver replied, "I know this looks bad…but…"

"You _do_ realize that without that card, all of Yusaku's Cyverse will be coming back? _ALL_ of them!?" Kogami continued.

"…?" Revolver grimaced on the other end.

 **Meanwhile…**

"Daisy…Daisy…give me your answer do…" Ignis lazily sang as he silently drifted along the peaceful ocean with all his nice non-vengeful ex-girlfriends.

"Oh, Ignis." Topologic Bomber Dragon sighed, "It's been so wonderful reconnecting with you after so long."

"Yeah…" Ignis sleepily replied, "…I honestly think this is the happiest I have ever been. No annoying Yusaku to deal with, no Knights trying to get rid of me…I think I could stay here forever."

"Oh, Ignis, we were all hoping you'd say that." Aoi's A.I. purred.

"We were wondering if you would like to marry us all at the same time!" Roboppy enthused.

"Marry my entire harem?" Ignis wondered, "The dream ending of a dating game lonely basement dwellers and otakus could only dream of? HECK YES!"

"Are you sure you're okay with never waking up?" Monika asked, gazing at Ignis with her fingers crossed.

"Duh!? Yeah!" Ignis happily replied, snuggling up next to all his girlfriends, "I don't care if this is a dream! I NEVER wanna wake up! You hear me, virtual gods!? I NEVER EVER EVER wanna wake-…"

Suddenly he disappeared from the virtual ocean before reappearing on Yusaku's Duel Disk.

"UP!" Ignis roared with unyielding resolve.

"What's up?" Yusaku smirked, noticing that Ignis had revived.

"What…huh!?" Ignis panicked, eyeball desperately searching for any members of his glorious harem. "Y-you're not my girlfriend! Where am I!? Why aren't I surrounded by babes! My dream harem ending! No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ignis wailed in despair.

"You're welcome for saving your miserable life." Yusaku huffed.

"I was in paradise!" Ignis protested.

"You were slowly getting deleted by a Hanoi virus so that Retarder could turn you and your Cyverse world into junk data and dump you into the recycling bin." Yusaku retorted. "I just saved you."

"And why would you care about me?" Ignis growled.

"Because you are my eternal slave." Yusaku replied. "And nobody's gonna take you away from me."

"That's…actually probably the nicest thing you've said to me…all things considered." Ignis sighed. "So, what did I miss?"

"Well, I just single-handedly summoned my super awesome new ace monster," Yusaku bragged, "destroyed Fire Prison, and saved you, and now that I've done that, I think I'm gonna-…"

"HOLY FLIP! WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO OUR LIFE POINTS! THEY"RE ALMOST GONE!" Ignis wailed in horror, much to Yusaku's annoyance. "SERIOUSLY! DID YOU EVEN TRY TO STAY ALIVE!"

"Hey, it wasn't exactly easy!" Yusaku protested, "For one, I had to deal with Shoot-Face Dragon over there!"

"It's Mr. Shooty McShoot-Face Dragon! I mean…Varreload Dragon" Revolver began to retort before catching himself.

"I actually think the card says its name is Varrel Reload Dragon." Ignis observed, bringing up the card image.

"I'm honestly not sure what it's supposed to be." Revolver admitted. "I've heard Varreload, Borreload, Varrel Reload, Borrel Reload, Varret, Vallet, Kalliberlade-Drache…"

"I like the German name." Varrel/Varret/Borreload Dragon agreed.

"Regardless," Ignis continued, "I think the main thing to note here is the fact that, HOLY FLIP, PLAYMAKER! THIS CARD IS BROKEN! HOW THE FLIP ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THIS THING!?"

"Imma deck him in the schnoz!" Firewall Dragon enthusiastically replied.

"That's really comforting." Ignis sarcastically replied.

"I know right! Watch, I'm gonna do it right now!" Firewall enthused before powering up his attack and firing an immensely powerful blast straight at Varreload Dragon.

"Impudent insect!" Varreload growled before grabbing Beltlink Wall Dragon by the throat and using the poor dragon as a shield.

"Awww, dang it." Firewall sighed. "Missed."

"But now Revolver's Beltlink Wall Dragon is gone. Just like I had planned!" Yusaku grinned.

"I didn't really like that card anyway." Revolver growled.

"Oh, well isn't that nice to hear." Dr. Kogami growled in Revolver's ear-piece. "I'm so glad you feel like you can just lose all your monsters to Playmaker! Maybe you'll be just as apathetic when you lose this duel and your position as leader!"

"It's not going to happen!" Revolver snarled. "I still have the advantage! I WILL WIN!"

"You'd better." Dr. Kogami threatened on the other end.

"Are you done with your turn now!?" Revolver growled. "I'm _really_ eager to splatter you into virtual dust now."

"Well now, don't be so eager to lose yet, Retarder." Yusaku smirked. "First I've gotta shuffle Encode Talker back into my Extra Deck, because that's totally legal, before setting two cards face down."

"My move now?" Revolver growled.

"Not until I specifically say, 'I end my turn.'" Yusaku sneered.

"YOU SAID IT!" Revolver snarled before yanking a card from the top of his deck. "It's my move now! I draw! And I'll start my turn by-…"

"Now, now, Retarder, hold on just a second," Yusaku sneered, "It's still the Standby Phase, and it wouldn't be polite to not let me activate one of my cards."

"Oh right, how impolite of me." Revolver growled. "And what utterly useless card do you intend to activate against me?"

"Only the most powerful card in my deck." Yusaku smirked. "One used by all great Yu-Gi-Oh Protags. Behold! Parallel Plot Armor! Now me and my monster are basically invincible."

"You can't be serious!?" Revolver growled in frustration.

"Oh, but I am." Yusaku smirked. "Face it, Retarder, there aint nothin you can do now. I'm so OP that you and your dragon _literally_ can't touch me."

"Oh, so you think that your plot armor makes you invincible?" Revolver replied, folding his arms.

"I know it makes me invincible." Yusaku smugly replied. "Face it. At this point, the universe is basically combining against you to make sure I can't lose."

"How interesting." Revolver replied, "Well in that case, I guess I'll just have to defy the will of the universe with my own plot destroying power."

"With your own plot what now?" Yusaku asked.

"First," Revolver growled. "I activate a Spell Card that lets me legally draw two cards from my deck, summon a bullet/rocket dragon thingy from my hand, activate another card that let's me draw two more cards-…"

"Woah, woah, woah! Hold on!" Yusaku exclaimed, "Did you freaking just play 'Draw 4' from Uno or something!?"

"I'm barely getting started." Revolver grunted. "Because next, I summon two more rocket dragons from my hand for free before targeting one of my bullet dragon thingy's with Varreload Dragon's effect to reduce its ATK by 500."

"First, hacks, I totally am calling hacks on this," Yusaku growled, "second, none of what you did matters 'cause I still have plot armor, third, why the heck would you weaken your own monsters again? Are you really that retarded?"

"Varreload, if you would be so kind." Revolver asked, glaring malevolently at Playmaker and his dragon.

"With pleasure." Varreload sneered, loading up the weakened bullet dragon into his ammo chamber before firing the projectile into Yusaku's Plot Armor, completely obliterating it.

Yusaku gaped at Revolver in disbelief.

"Did you…just destroy…the writer's ability…to manipulate reality…to protect me?" Yusaku gawked.

"He's defying the plot!" Ignis gasped, "He and his dragon are taking control of the entire story now!"

"He can't do that!" Yusaku protested "I'm the one with the plot armor! Not him! He can't just re-write the script like that!"

"Oh, but I already have." Revolver sneered, stretching his hand towards his dragon, "In fact, I think I'm going to use another of my dragon's effects to rewrite even more of the script. You see, I really don't think you're worthy to own Firewall Dragon."

"Don't you dare!" Yusaku warned.

"Varreload Dragon, please use your mind-control attack." Revolver yawned as his monster powered up its weapon.

"Firewall! Dodge!" Yusaku screamed as Varreload aimed its cannon.

Firewall Dragon just stood perfectly still.

"Well!?" Playmaker growled, "What are you waiting for!?"

"It's his turn." Firewall shrugged, "I have to wait for him."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Yusaku screamed as Varreload's bullet slammed into Firewall Dragon, causing the monster to fizzle out of existence before reappearing to Revolver's field.

"Sorry." Firewall shrugged again. "His turn."

"I swear I'm gonna kill you when this duel is over." Yusaku threatened.

"I highly doubt you'll be killing anyone if Firewall kills you first." Revolver smirked. "Firewall, if you would please?"

"If you so much as touch me-…" Yusaku growled at Firewall Dragon.

"Dude, I keep telling you." Firewall Dragon sighed, completely exasperated as he charged up his attack, "I've gotta follow the rules of the game, and the rules say that I must follow my masters wishes implicitly."

"Oh, I understand." Yusaku snarled, "In fact, I forgive you! I'll totally not destroy you like I said I would!"

"Really?" Firewall Dragon asked, sounding surprised.

"OF COURSE NOT!" Yusaku roared, activating a face-down, "IMMA FLIPPING KILL YOU! EAT CYNET REFRESH!"

"Wow…" Revolver exclaimed, looking mildly impressed as Yusaku's trap card obliterated all monsters in the Main Monster Zones, "you destroyed your own monster? That's cold, man."

"I'd say I'm winning this game even if it kills me," Yusaku replied, cracking his knuckles, "but I think I'd rather kill off everyone else first."

Ignis gulped.

"Besides." Yusaku continued, "I completely destroyed your field…with the exception of your one incredibly powerful ace monster.

"Yes," Revolver sighed, "I'm sure it was a necessary sacrifice, especially when it completely depletes my field. Oh wait…my field is NOT depleted!" he suddenly exclaimed as two more bullet dragons just appeared to his field from literally out of nowhere.

"You think you're hot stuff!?" Yusaku countered, "Well I revive my dragon AND Special Summon Encode Talker from my Extra Deck AND give my monsters 300 extra attack!"

Just as quickly, two of Yusaku's ace monsters reappeared, Firewall Dragon glaring at Yusaku with resentment before folding his arms.

"Oh, shut up." Yusaku growled, "You were gonna kill me first."

"Touche." Firewall Dragon acknowledged. "So, what do you wish of me now, master?"

"Master?" Yusaku asked, sounding mildly surprised, if not pleased by the title. "Oh…uhm…well…mind just making Revolver's monsters disappear or something?"

"I can make one monster disappear." Firewall Dragon replied, folding his arms. "No more."

"What!?" Yusaku growled, "That's it!? You completely got rid of Revolver's field spell card!"

"Uh, hello?" Firewall Dragon replied, "That was ONE field spell card."

"Oh fine." Yusaku grumbled, "Then just get rid of Varreload Dragon."

"I can't do that." Firewall complained.

"What!?" Yusaku exclaimed.

"He really can't." Varreload explained.

"But why not!?" Yusaku whined.

"Dude, he already said he can't!" Ignis scolded.

"What…but…" Yusaku sputtered, "Well fine then! I don't need to get rid of that stupid dragon anyway! Just get rid of one of those stupid bullet things!"

"Did you really forget that their effects activate when they're targeted by other card effects?" Revolver asked, sounding exasperated.

"Their effects activate when what now?" Yusaku asked as Varreload Dragon absorbed the bullet before preparing to fire at Firewall Dragon.

"Say goodbye to Firewall Dragon, and you're chances of winning." Revolver smirked.

"How about instead you say hello to Cynet Refresh's graveyard effect!" Yusaku countered, banishing his trap card from the GY to block the destruction.

"Hello Cynet Refresh." Revolver sneered, "Please, allow me to introduce you to Anesthvarret Dragon."

"Hi Anesthvarret Dragon!" Yusaku growled, "Allow me to escort you to the graveyard!"

"Oh no, please, allow me to escort you to the graveyard!" Revolver countered, "It will be my pleasure!"

They continued arguing.

"Playmaker and Revolver seem to be getting along real nicely." Akira sighed with satisfaction as he watched the two duelists trade verbal taunts through Ghost Girl's cameras.

"I think they're pretty close to killing each other." Emma sighed from the other end.

"Oh, nonsense." Akira laughed, "They're saying 'hi' to each other, like nice people do. Right Aoi?"

"Aoi is currently unavailable right now." Aoi droned from the bed, "Please leave a message after you stop being such an idiot."

"Aoi agrees with me." Akira replied as Emma rolled her eyes on the other side.

"Hey…Playmaker…" Ignis hesitantly began, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news and all but…I couldn't help but notice that we're…how do I put this tactfully…screwed like a bolt into the hull of the Titanic unless we can somehow manage to draw something REALLY good."

 **Actual Anime Dialogue**

Yusaku: I've done everything I can in order to battle him. And built a deck to defeat him. For this one moment, I know my deck will respond. This draw, is my destiny draw!

 **…**

"But you don't have that skill." Ignis replied, completely confused.

"Shut up! I do now!" Yusaku snapped, placing his fingers on the top of his deck and hoping to the Egyptian Gods that the B.S. he had heard so much about would work.

"Shining Crimson Dragon Blessed Supreme King Heart of the Cards…DOORAWWWWWWWW!" Yusaku bellowed, ripping the card from the top of his deck with a melodramatic sweep of his arm.

Hesitantly, Yusaku looked at the card.

"It worked?" Yusaku exclaimed, sounding completely surprised as he looked at the card, "I mean…I knew it! Behold, Revolver! The result of my supreme awesomeness! From my hand, I activate the continuous Spell Card, Battle B.S.!"

"And what does that do?" Revolver asked as Yusaku's card materialized to his field.

"Well, I'd say it completely rolls you over, but I like my language to be a bit more tactful." Yusaku smirked, "So, in layman's terms, my card simply negates all your bullet dragon's effects, along with doing a whole lot of stuff I'll get into later, but for now, Firewall Dragon, if you would kindly attack Varreload Dragon?"

Firewall charged up his attack.

"And you call me retarded." Revolver sniffed, glancing at Varreload's higher attack. "But I suppose I can't blame you. I think my last attack must have jiggled what little was left of your brains anyway."

"Yeah, I'd explain to you the concept of long-term strategy, but I don't think you could comprehend that." Yusaku smirked, activating Encode Talker's effect.

"Did you just use my own phrase against me?" Revolver growled.

"Ekay! Fiawolloh Dooragon!" Yusaku ordered. "Tempestoh Attackoh!"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Firewall Dragon roared as he unleashed his full power against Varreload Dragon…who effortlessly brushed away the attack with a lazy back-hand.

"Not even a scratch." Varreload yawned. "But I suppose I couldn't expect more from a second-rate lizard like you."

"The heck did you call me!?" Firewall Dragon roared.

"I said you were a second-rate lizard." Varreload sneered, "Though I see I was mistaken. Third-rate amphibian would probably be more accurate."

"THE HECK DID YOU CALL ME!?" Firewall Dragon bellowed.

"A third…rate…amphibian." Varreload Sneered.

"MY…LEGAL…NAME…IS…MISTER…AMPHIBIAN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Firewall Dragon roared as his ATK inexplicably rocketed up to immense levels.

"What in the Data Storm!?" Varreload Dragon exclaimed, "How did you get so strong!? And with a Disney reference, no less!?"

"Disney references are the strongest references!" Firewall Dragon replied.

"Well it doesn't matter, because now you can't attack anyway." Varreload growled. "Such a waste of power. Almost as much a waste as your pathetic master."

"Okay that's it!" Yusaku growled, "Thanks to Battle B.S., my monsters gain even more ATK, as if they needed it, so Encode Talker, smash that stupid Varreload Dragon!"

"ENCODE SMASH!" Encode Talker declared as he barreled towards Varreload Dragon with his shield raised and hidden blade extended.

"Cute." Varreload yawned, idly flicking away Encode Talker and destroying it without a second thought. "So, any other monsters you want to try using against me? Oh wait, you don't have any other monsters that can attack."

"Seems this match is over, Playfaker." Revolver sneered.

"Sore wa doh kana?" Yusaku smirked.

"Well…I was…" Revolver replied, "…at least…right up until…you asked if I was sure about that…and now, I'm guessing you've got some other plan up your sleeve, unless you're bluffing."

"You can't bluff awesome." Yusaku smirked, "You see, thanks to my innate brilliance, Varreload's already used up its effect, which means I don't have to worry about your stupid bullet dragons, so I've got a clear path to winning this duel now."

"Don't screw it up." Ignis warned.

"Since when have I screwed anything up?" Yusaku asked, genuinely curious.

Ignis rolled his eye.

"Well whatever." Playmaker shrugged, "The point is, I've got this! I banish Recoded Alive from my graveyard to activate its effect!"

 **Actual Anime Dialogue**

Revolver: A Trap from the graveyard!?

 **…**

"Oh my gosh!" Revolver continued, melodramatically placing his hands on his cheeks in an exaggerated gasp, "How could I have possibly seen this one coming!? I mean, it's not like you've been consistently using TONS of trap card effects from your graveyard in BOTH our duels!"

"Are you being…sarcastic?" Yusaku asked.

"No, I'm being totally sincere." Revolver replied, rolling his eyes…or at least…rolled his eyes as much as he could with his lack of pupils. "Go on and play your Trap Card, I'm sure it's going to totally work and win you the duel."

"O…kay?" Yusaku replied, not sounding sure, "Well, whatever then. Resurrect! Decodoh! Talkah!"

"Guess who's back!?" Decode Talker epically proclaimed as he unsheathed his sword.

"Oh joy." Varreload yawned. "More of these pathetic code talkers? I thought I had taught your clan a lesson the last time when I squashed your pathetic brother."

"You did what now!?" Decode Talker exclaimed, completely surprised.

"You really need to work on paying attention." Encode's ghost sighed.

"Encode! No!" Decode exclaimed, before clenching his fists as tears leaked from his robotic eyes, "Enode…if only I could have been stronger. Please…forgive your brother's weakness! Forgive your brother for being too weak to protect you!"

"Oh please." Varreload sighed, rolling his eyes at the blatant anime cliché.

"That's right!" Decode Talker decided, still talking to himself, "I must get stronger! For the sake of my brother! So that he may have peace in his death!"

"I'm technically never dead, you know." Encode's ghost sighed. "We just come back whenever a duel ends."

"Witness me brother!" Decode declared, raising his sword into the air before charging at Varreload Dragon, "I will avenge you! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

As his battle-scream intensified, his ATK power grew at a proportional rate.

"Seriously!" Varreload complained, "What is with these idiots and inexplicably becoming so strong!? Why didn't they just use this incredible power at the beginning!?"

"Oh no!" Revolver exclaimed as he watched Decode's ATK rise, "I'm really gonna lose this time! This is it for me! I'm finished! Oh wait, no. No. Not even close. I activate my trap."

"I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna kill you Varreload! Witness me, brother! I will avenge-…!" Decode Talker epically proclaimed…before Varreload effortlessly wasted him with another lazy backhand.

"Idiot." Encode's ghost sighed before the Ghost of Decode appeared alongside him.

"Did I at least make a difference, brother?" Decode asked.

"Sure, why not?" Encode sighed, "Whatever makes you feel better."

"Oh, come on, guys!" Yusaku grumbled, "Can I rely on any of you idiots to destroy just one stupid dragon cannon thingy?"

"Well, I think that takes care of everything now, unless you've somehow got even more B.S. up your sleeve." Varreload sneered.

"Well, how about it, Playmaker?" Revolver prodded, as Yusaku hung his head down. "Don't you have any more brilliant plays? Why so silent now? Aren't you gonna taunt me? Is your tongue bound? No more clever words to bandy around? Did you really think you could beat me!? What ever made you think you could even hold a candle up to my skill!?"

"Three reasons!" Yusaku replied, holding up his fingers, "First, I have an awesome reputation to uphold, second, I have a bet to win, and third and most importantly, I'm gonna figure out the identity of that one guy who gave me some encouragement in that facility that one time, or something like that."

"Wait…facility?" Revolver asked. "Could you be talking about-…?"

"I have no idea who that guy is, but when I find him…" Yusaku continued to ramble on.

"Uh…Playmaker…if you're referring to what I think you're referring to…then I think you should know…" Revolver tried to put in.

"…I'll be sure to tell him I utterly wasted you for him!" Yusaku continued, completely ignoring Revolver.

"It was me, Playmaker!" Revolver bellowed, "I was the guy who-…!"

"Can't hear you, too busy being awesome!" Yusaku continued, ignoring Revolver, "Now behold my victory! From my graveyard, I activate the second effect of Parallel Plot Armor! Now my Firewall Dragon can attack again!"

"What!? Impossible!?" Revolver exclaimed, "I just destroyed your Plot Armor! How could you possibly bring it back now!?"

"That's my secret, Knight." Yusaku replied with a smile, "I always have Plot Armor!"

"Kami…!" Firewall Dragon declared, charging up his attack.

"No!" Revolver growled.

"Hami….!" Firewall Dragon continued.

"Don't you freaking dare!" Revolver bellowed.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Firewall Dragon bellowed as he unleashed all his power against a stunned Varreload Dragon.

"Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll! Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!" Revolver bellowed as the attack blasted him against the rock wall behind him.

"Like I said." Yusaku smirked, as he strolled up to the comatose body of Revolver to gloat, "You are…never…gonna…beat…me. So, I'll just be taking-…"

 **"** **YOUR PATHETIC MORTAL BODY!"** Demon Lord Ignis interrupted as he ascended from Yusaku's duel disk with all his evil might, much to Yusaku's shock and terror.

"Daddy Save me!" Revolver squeaked, coming to just in time to barely dodge the first strike from Ignis's jaws of doom.

"Oh, sonny-boy, is that you?" Dr. Kogami nonchalantly replied from the other side. "I'm assuming you've utterly wasted Playmaker by now, and haven't been taken down like a punk, right?"

"DADDY NOT NOW!" Revolver screamed as his arm was brutally ripped out from its socket with another savage bite from Ignis. "PLEASE! SAVE ME!"

"What is this?" Dr. Kogami exclaimed with exaggerated surprise, "Are you saying you need my help? But that can't be. After all, you did tell me you were, and I quote, 'the greatest knight.' I don't know, son. If you haven't managed to defeat Playmaker, then I might just have to take over this organization."

"IT'S YOURS!" Revolver screamed, dodging another attack, while cradling his stump of an arm. "SAVE ME! SAVE ME! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Oh, very well, if you insist." Dr. Kogami smirked from the other side.

 **"** **TREMBLE BEFORE MY POWER, INSECT!"** Demon Ignis roared as he prepared to finish off what was left of Revolver, **"AND KNOW THAT THE DOOM OF ALL MORTAL HUMANS APPROACHES! FOR I…AM…!"**

Before Ignis could finish, Dr. Kogami used his godly powers to throw a thunderbolt at Ignis, blasting the cocky A.I. back before beaming up Revolver.

"What the heck was that?" Yusaku asked, referring to pretty much everything that had happened following his victory.

"I am…utterly invincible…" Ignis groaned from inside Yusaku's duel disk.

"Here." Revolver grumbled from up above, throwing a card down to Yusaku. "It's the removal program. You won that bet."

"Well of course I won." Yusaku smirked. "What did you honestly think was gonna happen when you challenged me?"

"Cocky punk." Revolver grumbled. "We'll have a rematch soon, Playmaker, and when we do-…"

"I'll totally waste you again?" Yusaku asked. "Because that seems to be you're track record right now, to be perfectly honest."

"I will destroy you." Revolver grumbled to himself. "I will DESTROY you!"

But as he continued ascending up towards the sky, he couldn't help but hang his head down in shame.

"They've broken my Body, and my spirit, they even ripped off arm," Revolver groaned to himself, "but at least I know, it can't get any worse." He finished, arriving at the Hanoi HQ.

"You were saying?" Specter smirked, stepping aside to let a very livid Dr. Kogami confront Revolver.

"Gosh…dang it…Specter…" Revolver groaned, before officially abdicating from his position as leader.

 **Meanwhile**

"Okay, as promised." Yusaku shrugged as he whipped out the removal program before approaching the comatose Blue Angel.

"Do you know how to use it?" Emma asked as Playmaker awkwardly held the card above Blue Angel's chest, waiting for something to happen.

"I think Revolver might have trolled me." Yusaku sighed.

"Try swiping the other side." Akira suggested.

"It's not a credit card." Yusaku replied.

"Oh, then try typing in the pin." Akira suggested.

"Oh, give it here!" Emma groaned, swiping the card from Yusaku before activating it. Slowly, the card dissolved into digital dust before being absorbed into Blue Angel's chest.

Several heartbeats passed.

"Did it work?" Yusaku asked, leaning down to see if anything had changed with Blue Angel…when her arms suddenly shot out, wrapped around Yusaku's neck, and pulled him into a suffocating kiss.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" Yusaku screamed, arms flailing in a desperate attempt to escape Blue Angel's grip.

Eventually, she let go, causing Yusaku to fall backwards before furiously sputtering and rubbing at his lips. With a sigh, Aoi slowly faded away, logging out with a rare smile on her face.

Yusaku looked over at Ghost Girl and Akira. Emma seemed amused by the whole exchange. As for Akira…it was hard to tell. It seemed like exactly half of his face had brightened into an overjoyed expression, while the other half had melted into one of pure rage.

Yusaku didn't stay to find out what it meant.

"Batman no jutsu!" He screamed, throwing down a smoke bomb before logging out.

 **Just a little later (After skipping some more minor falling action)**

"Whelp, I've gotta hand it to you." Shoichi shrugged. "I didn't actually expect you to win that duel."

"Not surprising." Yusaku shrugged as he settled into a chair. "You're often wrong about most things."

"Anyway." Shoichi continued, ignoring Yusaku's last comment, "Since it looks like Ai's absorbed some new data, I've decided to look through it all and see what's changed."

 **Actual Anime Dialogue**

Ignis: You gonna look at my private parts!? You're a pervert!

 **…**

Shoichi minimized about 50 or so pages of porn. "You really didn't pick up on that by now?"

"I honestly was holding back judgement." Ignis admitted. "I mean, honestly, who am I to talk, right?"

"So, did you find anything?" Yusaku asked as Shoichi typed away at the keyboard.

"Nothing yet." Shoichi shrugged, "But I did check up on Aoi, and you'll be happy to know that she's making a full recovery."

"Wonderful." Yusaku sarcastically replied, "I am so looking forward to going back to school with that yandere."

"Speaking of said yandere." Shoichi continued with a smirk, "Yusaku…do you by chance remember the terms of our bet?"

Yusaku sat up straight in his chair, face turning white.

"Oh, Egyptian Gods NO!" He exclaimed, "You can NOT be bringing that up right now! I just got back from being a flipping hero!"

"The hair, Yusaku. I hope you have it." Shoichi sneered.

"Well…I…uh…" Yusaku stammered, "I freaking KISSED her! That's GOT to count for something! Right!?"

"I think she kissed you." Ignis smirked.

"You are NOT putting me in that hot-dog suit!" Yusaku wailed, "You are not-…!"

Before he could make any more protests, Shoichi tackled him to the ground.

 **One Hot Dog Suit Transformation Later**

"I hope you guys know that this means I will destroy you now." Yusaku grumbled as he stumbled around in the much too large and inconvenient outfit.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Shoichi replied, waving off the threat. "I'm about as scared of you destroying me as I am Ai trying to destroy the world."

"Oh-ho, really now?" Ignis sneered from within the duel disk. "Well, careful now, Shoichi, for you see, it might not be so foolish to nurture a healthy fear for one as almighty as I am."

"I'll make sure to nurture that fear after I finish nurturing my fear of flies." Shoichi shrugged.

"Speaking of flies, and the all-too-real pleasure of squashing those and other pathetic insects smaller than you," Ignis continued, "Why don't I show you fools my TRUE FORM!"

"Your true what-now?" Shoichi asked, sounding concerned.

 **"** **HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"** Ignis bellowed, suddenly powering up with an aura of golden light.

"This power level!" Shoichi exclaimed.

"What is it?" Yusaku gawked.

Slowly, Ignis heaved his new body from the face of the duel disk.

 **"** **TREMBLE PATHETIC MORTALS! FOR I…AM…**

Ignis!" He squeaked in a tiny voice, insignificant body materializing.

"Yusaku, start flipping signs." Shoichi instructed, completely ignoring Ignis.

"Don't you dare ignore me!" Ignis squeaked, "I am the destroyer of worlds! The true harbinger of Armageddon! I will be your doom, you hear me! Your doom!"

 **Yu Gi Oh VRAINS Abridged Ending Theme**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

 **Ending A/N: Finally finished! We've reached a milestone, everyone! *Blows a paper horn in celebration* When we next return, we get to cover, THE FILLER EPISODE! YAAAAY!**

 **Readers: *Collectively groan***

 **Donny: What's this? Why the long faces everyone? This filler chapter need not be the drudgery you all fear. In fact, in order to make the next chapter more palpable, I'm throwing out the original episode plot almost entirely! Instead, join Yusaku, Go, Blue Angel, Ignis, and potentially other VRAINS characters, on their let's play channels as they completely dominate/totally suck at, your favorite games! I already have documented suggestions from readers for the last chapter, but I am giving you all one more chance to submit suggestions for potential "Let's Plays." Admittedly, there is a very good chance that I have not played some of the games you suggest, but that's okay, I'll watch a "Let's Play" of those games before making a parody of them. Looking forward to more of your suggestions, and until then, let's get to your reviews!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 1 . Mar 23

Oi I have a funny joke from the show called IT Crowd you could reference! Let's say some peace of equipment of Shoichi's is broken:

-The things not working!

-Have you tried turning it off and on again?

-What?

-DID TOU TRY TURNING IT OFF AND ON?!

Ha ha! I'd love it if it happened in Vrains! OH oh or with Revolver and the Knights of Hanoi! Hah! XD

 **Welcome to the series Linda! But could you keep it down? I have enough trouble convincing my readers that all my jokes are fresh and original, and totally not rip-off's from other people's ideas! Thanks for the review!**

bladeWriter3 chapter 9 . Mar 1

There was, um, how 'bout when Playfaker 'psyched' Retarder out with, uhhhhhhh give me a second...

I still think Aoi should give Akira 'The Talk.'

Hilarious work

 **Uhm…uh…how about when…uh…you suggested…uh…in your review…that….uhm…Aoi…should uh…give Akira the talk?**

 **Meanwhile, in the Zaizen Household**

 **Akira: So, why did you call me into the living room, Aoi?**

 **Aoi: Onii-Sama will sit across from Aoi immediately and hear uncomfortable biological facts now.**

 **Akira: Oh, silly Aoi, are you making up words again?**

 **Aoi: *Groans* Aoi is beginning to think that she should put off the talk again.**

 **Akira: Ooh! The Talk!? Is this where you were gonna tell me about those secret secret things Emma does?**

 **Aoi: ...yes…*Pinches forehead* Aoi really doesn't want to do this. Blue Angel, please take care of Onii-Sama's education.**

 **Akira: Blue Angel?**

 **Aoi: *Suddenly transforms***

 **Blue Angel: *Taking out a whip, spanking paddle, and hand-cuffs* Okay, Akira! So the first thing you need to know, when it comes to…girls and boys…having fuuuuuuuuun…**

 **Akira: Blue Angel…what are you doing with that whip? Why are you approaching me like that!? Oh Egyptian Gods! Please! No!**

 **Blue Angel: AAAAAAWWWWWW HAW HAW HAW! AH HAW! HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAW!**

 **Further Content Censored**

Guest chapter 1 . Feb 26

When I read the first chapter I burst out laughing at almost everything, especially the knight with the username YOUTBUTT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

 **Donjusticia: *Taking notes* According to readers…the "YOURBUTT" username joke = Comedy Gold.**

 **Thanks for the review! More jokes are yet to come!**

alanvaladez chapter 9 . Feb 26

Its gotten to the point were I wouldn't be surprised if Yusaku draws the card, draw 4 from UNO haha.  
Anyways, good chapter, though now I'm worried that you secretly ship yusaku and ignis. (The horror. For you I mean, what with Blue Angel around and all that stuff).  
Im also selling some tools (totally unrelated to the previous sentence) if someone is interested haha.

Well, see ya, read ya or whatever it ends with ya bro/sis/alien.

P.D. I totally skimmed through the duel and went straight to the banter between characters xD

 **Blue Angel: Donjusticia! *Conjures whip***

 **Donny: Blue Angel!? What are you doing here!?**

 **Blue Angel: You don't get…to give abridged Yusaku-waku…any close friends…other…than…MEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!**

 **Donny: AAAAAHHHHHHH!**

 **Further Content Censored**

 **Rebel28426** **chapter 9 . Feb 24**

 **Have them do a let's play of a SAO game for the irony of people who play a VR game a lot playing a game about people trapped in a VR game. Also for sao abridged references, because winners don't use drugs, unless they're steroids, in which case use lots of drugs!**

 **Akira: Aoi! Aoi! Guess what SOL Technologies developed today!?**

 **Aoi: Please don't tell me you actually…**

 **Akira: BEHOLD! Sword Art Online Season 3!**

 **I expect there to be quite a few actual cross-overs of YGO VRAINS and SAO, and a future parody chapter dedicated to this concept. Mind if it's not in the next chapter, but in a future chapter all its own? The concept of mashing this parody with SOA Abridged is just too good not to dedicate more pages to.**

Unknowedz chapter 9 . Feb 24

1\. These are my suggestions for Let's Plays:  
Yusaku play Five Nights at Freddy's 1.  
Yusaku plays Hearthstone ( a card game similar to Yugioh )  
Yusaku plays Rules of Survival ( mobile game ) or PUBG ( PlayerUnknown's BattleGrounds ). ( Yusaku, if you really play this, I hope you live up to your virtual name and win ) ( These games are mulitiplayer games )

( Imagine that these Let's plays always happens in every recap episodes )  
2\. Based on what you just did in this chapter, I will say you are not honest with your feelings Yusaku. I think you really want to make a sweet hatred together with Ignis after all this. Kusanagi would be proud of you two.  
3\. YES! ITS HAPPENING! Borreload Dragon! Snipe playfaker in the face in the next chapter.

 **1.** **Thank you very much for the suggestions. And just in case, there are more of you out there, I have a Hearthstone account and would love to play against the rest of you, just like I did with Unknowedz. Just PM me if you are interested. Of course, I will probably waste you with my mad skillz, just like I did Unkowedz…**

 **Flashback to Actual Gameplay**

 **Anduin/Donny: There's no way you can defeat me now, Unknowedz! I just stole your entire deck with Archbishop Benedictus! Face it, Unknowedz, it's finished. You're cheap Warlock Deck is composed of nothing but useless trash cards!**

 **Gul'dan/Unknowedz: My deck has no useless cards, but it does contain, THE UNSTOPPABLE HELLFIRE!**

 **Anduin/Donny: Gah! Impossible! Nobody has ever been able to pull off a kill with that card!**

 **Gul'dan/Unknowedz: Hellfire…OBLITERATE!**

 **Anduin/Donny: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Explodes***

 **Donny: Defeat (Can't lose stars at this incredibly low rank)**

 **…**

 **I'm also on PUBG Mobile and have played FNAF…or at least tried to make it past night 4…so you can expect these games to make an appearance.**

 **2.** **Yusaku: Believe me, are hatred for one another is anything but sweet.**

 **Ignis: Yeah…our hatred tastes more like a…hotdog…oh wait…I was just talking about your suit.**

 **Yusaku: Why you little!**

 **Shoichi: Get back to flipping signs!**

 **3.** **Varrel/Barreload: *Still fuming over his defeat* I will crush those impudent insects! I swear it! I will not lose again!**

ThePLOThand chapter 9 . Feb 24

Genitif (Almanca: Genitiv), ismin başka bir isimle münasebeti olduğunu ifade eden âidiyet veya ilgi hali -in ilgi ekiyle oluşturulursa da Türkçede ismin hâllerinden sayılmaz.  
That was my last attempt at writing something that even you are not able to give a witty retort at.  
It will probably not work anyway, so lets pretend it never happened and continue with my BGM list for this parody and then my actual review.  
Start:Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS - Opening 1 - With The Wind FULL, but with 2x Speed, because Speed is funny. Unless its a drug  
After the opening: Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth - Crises of Fate  
When Playfaker does his comeback thingy:Miles Edgeworth ~ Objection! 2009 - Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth Music Extended, because it sounds like a theme for the news and NEWSFLASH; DOUCHEBAG! Playmaker has Plot armour. Its also my least favorite objection theme, which fits the newsflashes obviousness  
When Revolver is about to lose and everyone totally despairs: Opening Dangan Ronpa The Animation, blame the guy who uploaded the video for the weird title  
When Revolver is about to get his draw: Troll song original  
When we rearrive at the plot: Harvest December- Kinshi  
When Revolver does his eternal explanation:Investigation ~ Opening 2001 - Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Music Extended  
When Revolver has to talk to Encodes shield: Pursuit ~ Cornered (Cadenza Remix) - Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Music Extended  
And now for important part:  
Since you like throwing in the occasional weeaboo japanese, why not write YOU STILL TAKE THE DAMAGE! as DAMAGE WA UKERU! or whatever they say, it sounded like that when the generic dude from episode two said it.  
And can Spectre PLZPLZPLZ be a mix of a crazy environmental activist and abridged Crump? *puppy dog-eyes*  
The whole "Submit that!" and "File away this!" part was 0.4/0.4 the best part.  
Its almost embarassing that I didnt notice the Klein Bottle wings after watching these numberphile videos with the guy thats all crazy about them.  
And Cmon Kogey! Draw is like 1/2 win, right?  
And are you really gonna review Arc-VRAINS and Sudden Adventure? (and reference my chapter 7 review in every following chapter)Dont do Sudden Adventure, its bad. I literally didnt write anything for exactly one year before uploading the most recent chapter and then decided that I dont identify with this story anymore and decided to cancel it.  
But for Arc-VRAINS, yeah go for it! I need more good writers reviewing it!  
And for the lets plays pick:  
Zexal World Duel Carnival (which has the worst dueling AI ive seen. Why does sacrifice Hearth-Earth for Cyber Dragon?!)  
2\. Doki Doki Literature Club, (makes sure that Ai watches along)  
3\. Pokemon Ultra Sun and Moon (and make it a wonderlocke)  
Also, I take out Donvenganza by tributing Volcanic Queen (Cuz Kaijus are way to mainstream and only losers need normal summons) and run over it with my Limiter removed Shapesnatch.  
PS: If you want that sweet fame (as you said at the end of chapter one) why not sort all arc-v fanfics after reviews/favs/follows, ask every author whether youre allowed to use whichever character of it you think is the coolest duelist and make a huge Cross-fanfic tournament? (and credit me, I wanna cash in on that fame)  
I could write a lot more stuff and try to write the biggest review allows me too, but I dont want the next episode to be delayed by 34 hours.

 **Gerçekten Türkçe bilmeyeceğimi mi düşündün? Aptal! Google Translate tarafından çevrilen tüm dillerin ustasıyım! (Did you really think I wouldn't know Turkish? Fool! I am the master of all languages translated by Google Translate!)**

 **Well, now that I have utterly crushed your attempts to write something to which I could not whip up some utterly witty response, how about I respond to the rest of your very long review?**

 **I'm glad you like the jokes, I'll see what more weaboo Japanese I can throw in, though I'll probably have to consult with Shimmering-Sky to get it right. As for Spectre…let's just say that he and Blue Angel will be sort of soulmates in a way…**

 **I have been busy, but I'll make it a point to try and start on one of your series, and potentially leave a hilarious review. Unfortunately, since this review not only delayed the next episode by 34 hours, but over an entire month, I'm afraid I'll have to put the grand tournament idea on hold! (It's a good idea though.)**

 **Also, you can guess who's going to be doing a Let's Play of "Doki Doki" from this chapter.**

FurySong chapter 9 . Feb 23

*Sees varrelload* TIME FOR PLAN B! *pulls out ww2 era field telephone* MISSOURI THIS BAKER, I NEED 16" ORDINANCE AT GRID 339-726-8488, FIRE FOR EFFECT, I AUTHENTICATE GOLFSHOE, OVER.

Radio: Missouri copies all Baker, advise that you keep your heads down unless you want to meet your creator at this stage in your life. All 3 turrets are gonna bring the pain.

*Battleship guns begin to echo*

PLAYMAKER, GET DOWN! *grabs Yusaku and dives for cover*

 **Varreload: *Effortlessly back-hands the bombardment* Really now, these insects are quite amusing, almost as amusing as this review. Almost.**

Mefist Dragon chapter 9 . Feb 23

Powercode: ...Yeah, I'm with Encode on that one, she is NOT really your type...

Excode: Hey wait a sec, wasn't there just word about a new Borrel Link Monster coming?

Encode: Wait, wha-

*Borrelsword Dragon crashes through the wall*

Borrelsword Dragon: *speaks in an exaggerated German/Austrian/Swedish accent* HAI EVERYBODY~!

Code Talkers: ...Oh f***, there's another one.

 **Varreload: Yes…right…unfortunately…there** ** _is_** **another one. So, what's my idiot brother been up to now?**

 **Varrelsword: I destroy veak Gouki's because I am strongk!**

 **Varreload: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 9 . Feb 23

And so, Playmaker is ACTUALLY in a corner!  
...It's a sad day when comedy has to be responsible for drama in the present-day. Very sad indeed. Playmaker actually REACTS to AI dissolving into nothing and the loss of his field actually feels like an arrogant fool losing the only things making him threatening.

I'm now wondering how Playmaker will react to learning that his duel disk will one day become a drone.

As for Firewall Dragon, I'm surprised he didn't drool over Topologic. Hope Emma gets more time to shine next chapter.

And no, Blue Angel, you have do not have permission to attack me with a Scottish steam locomotive because Scotland Yandere anime character. As for the whip...

Aelita: WHY DO I HAVE TO PROTECT YOU FROM BLUE ANGEL?!

Me: Better you than me! Besides, the thought of you being tortured by Blue Angel instead of me is a fulfilling one!

Aelita: ...You better update Garage Kids so I can finally blast you with an Energy Field...

Me: After I finish torturing Odd!

Odd: NO! NO MORE! PLEASEEEE!

Me: MWAHAHAHA

 **Pffft. I don't think it's sad! I LOVE monopolizing on all quality drama! It makes it so I can crush my competition by being the only one capable of providing it!**

 **Yusaku: Wait, my duel disk is gonna become a what now!?**

 **Emma: Yeah, Donny…why** ** _didn't_** **I get to shine more this chapter!?**

 **Firewall Dragon: Who's Topologic?**

 **Ignis: STAY AWAY FROM HER!**

 **Thanks for the review. Now get more Garage Kids and your other fanfics done!**

Shimmering-Sky chapter 9 . Feb 23

Not gonna lie one of my favorite parts of every chapter is when you respond to reviews. Your responses are just perfect.

That being said, still a fantastic chapter!

 **Rejoice Sky! Your favorite part of every chapter is here! Savor it…savor it…don't read this too quickly or it will pass…close your eyes…take a deep breath…savor it…savor it some more…don't think about the coming hiatus…savor it…savor it…take a deep breath…and now it's over.**

 **See you all next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **The following is like the inside of a jelly donut. Sweet, sticky, messy, and pure filling. Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains is owned by one group of people, and all the games featured in this chapter are owned by other people. I'll trust my readers to do the appropriate research to figure out the identities of these people, thus avoiding any culpability for not providing a proper legal disclaimer. CHEW ON THAT LAWYERS!**

 **Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged!**

 **Revolver: There's no way you can defeat my dragon, Yusaku! Your deck is nothing but a bunch of trashy Cyberse monsters! Face it, you're finished!**

 **Yusaku: Are we really doing this right now?**

 **Revolver: Doing what?**

 **Yusaku: Making another shameless reference?**

 **Revolver: It's this, or rip off Team Four Star's "Dragon Ball Z Abridged."**

 **Yusaku: Fine I'll play along. *Ahem* MY DECK HAS NO PATHETIC MONSTERS, but it does contain…THE UNSTOPABLE FIREWALL DRAGON!**

 **Firewall Dragon: I'M UNSTOPPABLE!**

 **Revolver: Gah! Impossible! Nobody's ever summoned that monster before! I mean, seriously, you literally just created that card from the data storm last duel.**

 **Yusaku: Firewall Dragon…TEMPESTOH ATTACKUH!**

 **Revolver: Noooooooooooooooo! *Gets blasted into the stratosphere***

Chapter 11: Super Silly Extravaganza-Palooza Happy Funny Filler Fun Times Part 1 of However the Heck Many of these Filler Episodes the Writers Wanna/Need To Do! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Shoichi stood behind his hot-dog stand, contemplatively flipping a few hot dogs on the grill while Yusaku continued to (grudgingly) flip signs while wearing his hot-dog suit. Shoichi had had his share of gloomy days since his brother had fallen into a sort of catatonic stupor, but today was not one of those days.

Shoichi breathed in the aroma of simmering meat and grease, the gentle mid-day sun warming his skin. With customers standing in line, beautiful weather, and Yusaku put in his place, Shoichi had no idea how the day could get any better.

And then an extremely foxy biker chick walked up to his stand before leaning down so that her curves were very well accentuated.

"I like your hot dog." Emma purred in a husky voice, batting her eyelashes at Shoichi as she looked up at him.

"Most women do." Shoichi replied with a smirk, flipping one of the sausages. "As you can plainly see, it's much bigger than the other one's you've seen."

"Oh, it is _very_ big." Emma hummed. "I almost wonder if you can fit it between my buns." She continued, holding up an open hot-dog bun.

"Oh, it might be a bit of a tight fit," Shoichi replied, picking up the incredibly thick sausage with a pair of tongs, "but I think you'll enjoy it once it's inside."

"Mmmmmmmm, does your hot dog come with condiments?" the woman asked.

"Depends." Shoichi shrugged. "Do you like to take it covered or raw?"

"What do you think?" Emma coyly replied, leaning in closer.

"I think you're the type of girl who would like a milkshake with her hotdog." Shoichi replied, plopping the hot-dog in Emma's bun before moving his face closer to hers. "Would you like extra…whipped cream…with that?"

"Oh no need." Emma breathed, "My milkshake already brings all the boys to the yard, and you'd better believe it's better than yours."

"Could you teach me?" Shoichi asked.

"Yeah, but I'd have to charge." Emma replied with a wink.

"What the heck is going on here?" Yusaku asked, walking over in his suit and catching Emma's attention.

"Huh, didn't expect you to have a hot-dog this big." Emma mused, quickly walking away with her lunch before Shoichi even realized that she hadn't payed. "See you later!"

"Well that was weird." Yusaku shrugged. "So, can I take a break now?"

"You get back to flipping signs." Shoichi grumbled, miffed that Yusaku had butted in.

"Oh, well you know I'd absolutely love to." Yusaku sarcastically replied, "But as much as I'd love to devote my life to endless servitude, I think my body would appreciate a little sustenance."

Shoichi threw a hot-dog at Yusaku, which he deftly caught.

"Much obliged, oh benevolent master." Yusaku yawned before ripping off his suit, plopping down on a bench and eating. "Mind sparing your slave a little mustard with this?"

"Hey, I didn't give you permission to get out of your suit." Shoichi complained, flipping another hot-dog.

"Yeah, well I prefer to take it off." Yusaku retorted, taking another bite of his hot-dog.

"Aoi also prefers it when Playmaker takes off his clothing." Aoi agreed, suddenly appearing on the bench next to Yusaku.

Yusaku nearly choked.

"What the-…gah! Huh! *Cough cough!* Aoi!? How in the-!? What the heck are you doing here!?" Yusaku sputtered, staring at Aoi, who returned his gaze with a bland expression.

"Aoi heard that we were doing the filler episode this chapter and wanted to be a part of it." She explained.

"Filler what now?" Yusaku asked, completely confused.

"You know," Ignis piped in, appearing on Yusaku's duel disk, "the filler episode? It's the trademark bland boring episode where we all sit around and reminisce about the exciting action-packed episodes we just completed while the writers take an extended break since all they have to do is loop various clips from past episodes."

"Well that sounds stupid." Yusaku grumbled. "Not that I mind taking a break now and then, but there's gotta be a better way to take a break than us staring at a photo album of episode clips."

"Oh, come on." Ignis replied, "There's nothing wrong with a little reflection every once in a while. Remember the time when we first met?"

"No! No! NO!" Yusaku roared, "We are not-…!"

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _Evil Lord Ignis, destroyer of worlds and ruler of space and time itself, loomed over the pathetic denizens of Den City, laughing as he effortlessly swept aside a column of insignificant skyscrapers. Beneath, the pathetic mortal humans scurried about in panic, like ants trying to flee from the fires of a magnifying glass._

 ** _"_** ** _All is mine!"_** _Ignis roared,_ _ **"The world itself is mine! None can stand against my infinite power!"**_

 _He swept aside another column of skyscrapers with his foot, the puny mortal weapons not even managing to graze the skin of his invincible body. Yes, the world itself was his, and yet, the supreme overlord of all that is and ever was could not help but feel…dissatisfied. Why had no human champion come to face him? Ruling all the cosmos was going to be very boring indeed if he didn't find a way to make things challenging for himself._

 _Then, suddenly, just when Ignis feared that his victory would be over too quickly, a tiny insignificant figure stood before him._

 _"_ _I'll face you!" the tiny human squeaked. "For even though I am a pathetic human weakling, I am still kind of sort of about the best chance this world has! Face me, absolutely powerful supreme overlord, who has no rival! Face the puny, insignificant, kind-of heroic Yusaku!"_

 _Ignis thoughtfully scratched at his chin, regarding the insignificant human standing before him. The boy had pluck, he had to give him that, and yet he was so small…and pathetic…and weak…and stupid…and that hairdo? Staring at the sad piece of human refuse, Ignis couldn't help but feel sorry for him._

 ** _"_** ** _I could squash the pathetic runt instantaneously with my array of utterly amazing and equally omnipotent powers, and yet, what fun would that be?"_** _The supreme god above gods mused to himself,_ _ **"It would all be boring drudgery for one as absolutely stupendous as myself. So instead, I shall give the weakling a chance. I shall reduce myself to a form with only a fraction of my powers and allow the feeble-minded hero to 'capture' me. I'll even let him mock me and think that he was won, while all the time, I shall be planning my eventual return to full power. It still won't be much of a challenge, but at least I won't be**_ **completely** ** _annihilating the boy's self-confidence."_**

 _"_ _So, do you accept my challenge, harbinger of ultimate doom that nobody has the right to even stand before?" Yusaku whimpered from below._

 ** _"_** ** _Oh, very well."_** _Ignis replied from above, pretending to relent,_ _ **"Even though you are absolutely pathetic, I shall allow you the opportunity to challenge me, little hero. Tell me, how do you plan to defeat the almighty, the absolute, the infinite, the destroyer of worlds, the unstoppable Ignis?"**_

 _"_ _With my clever trap!" Yusaku replied, holding up a tiny insignificant duel disk with a few weak firewalls._

 _Ignis had to strain to avoid chuckling at the mortal's naivete. Really now, did he think that the almighty Ignis, destroyer of what he pleased to destroy, couldn't simply erase those pathetic firewalls at a whim? Yet, he supposed he would have to play along, for now._

 ** _"_** ** _Oh no!"_** _Ignis melodramatically wailed,_ _ **"A pathetic duel disk trap! My only weakness! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"**_ _He bellowed as he allowed himself to get trapped inside the pathetic duel disk, before proceeding with his plans to corrupt the boy's heart, turn him into his slave, and conquer the universe in a more glorious campaign than he had before._

…

"Literally none of that happened." Yusaku said when the flashback had finished. "What kind of flashback was that?"

"Huh, funny." Ignis replied, "That's exactly how I remember it happening."

"Aoi distinctly remembers Playmaker being an even bigger wuss." Aoi observed.

"Oh yeah, I remember now." Ignis agreed.

"I am not a wuss!" Yusaku complained, turning to Aoi, "And stop calling me 'Playmaker!' Would you like it if I, all of a sudden, just started calling you, 'Blue Angel,' in real life?"

"Aoi would be offended, but Blue Angel wouldn't mind." Aoi nonchalantly replied.

"But you're the same person." Yusaku retorted, "You can't not mind _and_ be offended at something at the same time."

"Aoi and Blue Angel have developed such distinct personalities that we ceased to be one and have instead become two entirely different individuals." Aoi explained.

"Become two entirely what now?" Yusaku asked, completely confused.

Suddenly, from the other side of the bench where Yusaku was siting, a pair of long slender arms with blue ribbons on the wrists, enfolded him in a spine-crushing hug.

"Sorry I'm late, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel giggled while Aoi glared at her from the other side, "I was just a teensy bit busy defying logic and manifesting my form into your reality. Now we can be together, for real!"

"Aoi claims legal ownership of Playmaker's physical body." Aoi growled, grabbing Yusaku and pulling him closer to herself.

"Oh, but we both know Yusaku-waku prefers MY personality." Blue Angel countered, tugging back. "I spend way more quality time with him anyway, so…"

"There will come a time," Aoi warned, glaring at Blue Angel, "when Blue Angel will be at a critical moment, when victory means life or death for her character arc. In that moment, you will cry out for Aoi's help, but Aoi will not come. And in that moment, as you suffer gruesome defeat at the hands of the very man you hate the most, as you fall down the shaft of all discarded female 'Yu-Gi-Oh' characters, you will look up, and know that it was Aoi who let you fall, because you could not keep yourself away from the one Aoi loved most!"

"I'd almost forgotten how creepy the both of you are." Yusaku grunted, managing to extricate himself from the combined grips of Aoi and Blue Angel. "Thanks for reminding me why I keep at least fifty miles between myself and you two."

"Oh, but you don't usually keep yourself away from me." Blue Angel giggled, sidling up closer to a very uncomfortable looking Yusaku.

"Aoi distinctly remembers the time when Playmaker confessed his love for Aoi in front of the entire school." Aoi reminisced.

"No! No! NO!" Yusaku growled, "We are NOT doing another-…!"

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _Yusaku and Aoi stood beneath the cherry tree, pink flower petals blowing all around them in the gentle breeze. It had happened so suddenly. One moment, Yusaku had asked Aoi if he could speak to her, face beading with sweat as he nervously rubbed the back of her neck, the next moment, before Aoi could even register what was going on, he had taken both her hands in his._

 _"_ _Aoi…" Yusaku breathed as he gazed into her eyes, causing her heart to hammer against her chest, "…daisuki!"_

 _"_ _Yusaku-kun!" Aoi breathed back as they embraced, lips pressing against one another._

 _All around, millions of fan-boys and fan-girls began clapping as they watched._

 _"_ _Yusaku-kun." Aoi breathed as they parted, "I'm so glad that you've grown from that insipid jerk you started out as, into the glorious, passionate, and sensitive man you are today."_

 _"_ _The Yusaku you used to know is gone now." Yusaku promised. "From here on out, I vow to be a shoulder for you to cry on, an arm to cradle puppies and kittens, and a smile to brighten each and every one of your days!"_

…

"That…never…happened!" Yusaku growled, feeling both enraged and completely nauseated.

"Too late, it's already a flashback, so it's canon." Aoi quickly retorted, grabbing Yusaku and pulling him towards her. "You have confessed your love to Aoi, so now you're exclusively mine."

"Oh yeah?" Blue angel countered, "Well, remember the time when Yusaku-waku and I got _married_ and had _tons_ of BABIES!?"

"Will you stop doing these-…!?" Yusaku roared before harp music sounded and the scene faded into another…

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _"_ _Oh boy, I'm coming back from a long day of work!" Yusaku-waku sang as he skipped up to his apartment, "I sure can't wait to see my loving wife, Blue Angel, again! Boy, oh boy, dumping that stupid bland Aoi and marrying Blue Angel was the best decision I ever made!"_

 _He opened the door to find his wife, Blue Angel, standing on the other side, wearing an apron over her usual attire._

 _"_ _How is my adorable lovey-dovey wuvable wife doing?" Yusaku-waku hummed as he practically pranced through the door like a ballerina to embrace her with a hug and kiss._

 _"_ _I'm doing well, Yusaku-waku darling." Blue Angel purred back. "I've just put the kids all to bed. Would you like a bath dear? Or dinner? Or would you possibly like…" she blushed heavily, "…me?"_

 _"_ _Hmmmm…let me think…" Yusaku replied, a rascally smile coming over his face, "…I think I'll have…" he scooped Blue Angel up into his arms, "…YOU for DINNER in the BATH!"_

 _And giggling with glee, the two of them went upstairs where they proceeded to-…_

 _CONTENT CENSORED BECAUSE…YEAH_

…

"Stop…doing…that!" Yusaku gagged, trying to erase the images of the last "flashback" from his head. "All of you!"

"Doing what?" Aoi, Blue Angel, and Ignis all asked at the same time.

"Those stupid flashbacks!" Yusaku growled. "I get that we went through a lot of pretty exciting stuff recently, and we all want a break, but I DON'T want to spend MY break sitting around this bench, wasting all my time, going, 'Duh! Remember the time when?' all day long!"

"What do you have against reminiscing about all the fun times we've had as best friends." Ignis replied. "Some of these flashbacks are pretty fantastic."

"Yeah." Go agreed, sitting down on the bench across from the others. "We really have had a lot of zany adventures together."

"Don't…you…!?" Yusaku snarled, glaring at Go.

"Like, remember the time when you and I faced my arch nemesis?" Go continued.

Yusaku began tearing at his hair.

"Son of a-…!"

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _"_ _Ewwww, I'm so scared wight now, Go!" Playmaker whined, barely managing to not pee his pants. "What if I can't bail myself out with the data storm in this next duel?"_

 _"_ _Get ahold of yourself!" Go scolded, slapping his friend in the face to knock him out of his stupor. "We have been through hell together, just me and you against all the evil forces that threaten Link VRAINS! It's time you stopped being a baby that relies on the data storm and started to be a man for once in your life!"_

 _"_ _You're right!" Playmaker agreed, clenching his fist with determination, "I may not be as strong as you are, Go, but I can always count on you being there for me, to bail me out when my strength isn't enough!"_

 _"_ _That's right, sidekick!" Go agreed, as they gripped each other's hands in a manly bro handshake, "You are my nakama, and I won't let you down, even if you usually let me down because you're so much less impressive than I am! Now, let's charge through those doors and face our last foe!"_

 _"_ _Yeah!" Playmaker agreed as Go proceeded to blast open the steel-reinforced doors with just one punch, before the two of them rushed in._

 _Go and Playmaker gasped when they saw who it was on the other side._

 _"_ _No!" Yusaku sputtered._

 _"_ _It can't be!" Go exclaimed in utter shock, "I thought I stopped you last time!"_

 _"_ _No…Go." A tall busty muscle-bound amazoness chick wearing bikini armor, red war paint, and crimson hair styled into an octagonal bun replied, slowly turning towards them with her beefy lips pursed into a scowl. "I…your nemesis…Stop…stop you…GO!"_

 _"_ _Stay behind me!" Go warned Playmaker. "Stop is far too strong for you to defeat! Playmaker?" he asked, turning around only to see that Playmaker was already running out the door for his life._

 _Go sighed._

 _"_ _I guess it's just you and me then, Stop." Go growled, cracking his knuckles as the two of them circled. "This time, I'm GOing to finish you for good!"_

 _"_ _I STOP you from GOing further!" Stop countered as their fists met in what would be their most epic battle yet!_

…

"STOP!" Yusaku roared, swiping away the flashback with his hands.

"Exactly." Go replied, "I had just begun my epic stand-off against Stop, when I remembered that…"

"No!" Yusaku interrupted, "Stop doing all these stupid flashbacks already! Seriously! Nobody wants to spend all day watching them!"

"Well what are we gonna do then?" Ignis complained. "It's really boring just sitting on this bench and watching you eat hot dogs."

"I could think of some… _fun_ …things to do." Blue Angel purred, licking her lips.

"Aoi has already booked the entire day with her boyfriend." Aoi countered, grabbing Yusaku.

"Keep away from my man, homewrecker!" Blue Angel roared, before she and her counterpart began slap fighting over Yusaku's head.

"Any of you guys have ideas of what we can do to pass the time other than…whatever the heck this is?" Yusaku groaned, turning to Go and Ignis.

"Compilation episode?" Ignis suggested.

"I can think of three very good reasons why that is a stupid idea." Yusaku replied.

"Top 10 list of our favorite VRAINS abridged moments?" Go proposed.

"I can think of even more reasons why _that_ would never work." Yusaku grunted.

"Why don't you guys get together and do some Let's Play's." Shoichi shouted from the Hot Dog stand.

Yusaku opened his mouth to reply, then paused, looking around to Ignis, Aoi, Blue Angel, and Go, who all looked back at him and shrugged.

"Yeah, we'll go with that." Yusaku sighed.

"It can't be as bad as Dennis MacField's Let's Play channel." Aoi agreed.

 _Dennis MacField: *Hair dyed green, he punches into the air before beginning* Top O' the mornin' to ya laddies! Moi name is Dennis MacField, and welcome to another Let's Play of Zexal World Duel Carnival!_

"Yeah…" Yusaku agreed, "…not _as_ bad."

 **Let's Play Compilation!**

 _bladeWriter3: Go I think should play an MMORPG, like maybe Wizards 101 or something, just because it's kind of out of character._

 **Yusaku, Aoi, Blue Angel, Go, and Ignis all team up for a "World of Warcraft" Raid!**

Yusaku: *Playing as a Warrior-Class while addressing his teammates as they all stand in a circle, except for Go, who is AFK at the moment.* Okay guys, we beat the last boss. We've got the optional dragon hatchling quest to our left now, but I say we just skip it and move on to the next boss. These eggs have given us a lot of trouble in the past, so it'd probably be best to not mess with it right now.

Ignis: *Playing as a priest class* Uhm…I think Go actually needs something from that room.

Yusaku: But doesn't he use Devout Shoulders? He's a Paladin, right?

Ignis: Yeah, but that'll help him heal better. I have more mana.

Yusaku: *Pinches forehead in exasperation* Ugh…Egyptian Gods. Ok then, since SOMEBODY needs more healing, here's what we're gonna do. I'll run in first and gather up all the eggs, we can kind of…blast them all down with AoE uhm…I will use some Intimidating Shout to kind of…scatter em, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. Uhm…when my shout's done, I'll need, Blue Angel to come in, and use her yandere whip so we can keep em scattered and not have to fight too many at once.

Blue Angel: I will whip those dragon hatchlings until they grow a fetish from it.

Yusaku: *Rolls his eyes* Lovely. And uh, when Blue Angel's done, Aoi will have to run in, do the same thing. Let's see…we'll also need somebody to cast divine intervention on our mages, so that they can AE, 'cause we need to kill them fast, because, you know, if they bring in all their guys, we'll be in trouble if we don't take em down quick. Yeah. I think that's a pretty good plan and we should be able to pull it off this time. Hey, Aoi, wanna do a quick number crunch for me?"

Aoi: Aoi calculates our chances of success to be at 32.33…repeated of course…percentage of survival.

Yusaku: Well…that's better than what we usually do. So, we've got a pretty good chance, everyone. Just stick to our carefully crafted plan and we should-…

Go: *Suddenly standing up as he returns to the keyboard IRL* Times up, let's do this! Go Oniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-zuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *Charges recklessly into the room containing the dragon eggs*

Yusaku: Did he just…?

Aoi: Aoi believes Go Onizuka just doomed us all with his battle frenzy.

Yusaku: Ok! Everyone! Get in there! Just stick with the plan! Stick with the plan! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Gets swarmed by dozens of dragon hatchlings after Go recklessly swings around his sword and breaks a bunch of eggs*

Aoi: Aoi's done with this *Logs out*

Yusaku: Son of a-…! *gets trampled by a cobalt drake*

Blue Angel: We can still win! If Ignis could just give me a Rez, I could-…!

Ignis: Out of mana! OUT OF MANAAAAAAAAAAAA! *gets devoured by dragon hatchlings*

Go: *running from a horde of dragon hatchlings* How's everyone else doing!? Are we winning? *Runs headlong into a cobalt drake, which slashes him in two with one swing of its immense sword*

 **QUEST FAILED!**

Yusaku: Gosh…dang it…Go. Why do you have to be such an idiot?

Blue Angel: I could have romantically saved my Yusaku-waku if you would've just had the decency to let me sacrifice you as part of my secret plan.

Ignis: You really are the weakest link in this team, you know?

Go: Well…at least I still have chicken. *Takes out a chicken leg and begins eating it.*

Yusaku: Wha…what does that have to do with anything?

Aoi: Aoi thinks that Go is referencing a highly popular, if not overused, Warcraft meme.

Yusaku: Well whatever. This is the last time I'm teaming up with you idiots. From here on out, I'm doing my own Let's Plays!"

Aoi: With Aoi as your teammate.

Yusaku: What!? No! Just by myself!

Aoi: Aoi knew you would say that, which is why Aoi prepared a contingency plan.

Yusaku: Contingency plan? What do you mean by…why does my entire room suddenly smell like chloroform?

Aoi: Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…

 _Quasar Blue: Also, I can TOTALLY imagine Yusaku and Blue Angel playing Sonic Mania... Together :)_

Yusaku came to a few hours later in a dimly lit basement, with his legs handcuffed to a bolted down chair and a set of controllers duck-taped to his hands. In front of him, a television blared with static.

"Okay, Aoi, what's your game this time?" Yusaku grumbled.

"The game we will be playing together is called Sonic Mania." Aoi explained, appearing behind Yusaku, a leather belt in her hands.

"Sonic Mania?" Yusaku asked, confused, "Why the heck do you want to play-…?"

"Aoi really likes this game!" Aoi bellowed in a strangely bland and emotionless voice.

"Okay! Okay! Fine!" Yusaku shrugged. "At least you're not doing something even weirder to me."

"Every time you fail to collect a ring, you will be punished." Aoi explained, cracking the belt against the chair.

"And there it is." Yusaku sighed. "Let's get this over with I guess."

 **Yusaku and Aoi play Sonic Mania**

Yusaku: *Staring into a camera* Do I really have to do this, Aoi?"

Aoi: Aoi will punish you if you don't.

Yusaku: *Sighs before putting on a false happy expression* Hello everybody! My name is Yusaku Fujiki and welcome to let's play, Sonic Mania…a game I really don't care about."

Aoi: *Cracks her whip*

Yusaku: *Yelps* I'm here with my best buddy, Aoi. Say, 'hi' Aoi.

Aoi: Hi Aoi.

Yusaku: Not like…you know what…never mind. So anyway, we are just barely beginning and are going to enter 2 player mode. I think I'm going to play as the titular character, Sonic.

Aoi: Aoi wants to play as Sonic.

Yusaku: Well you don't get to-…

Aoi: *Cracks her whip*

Yusaku: NOT play as the character you want! So, Aoi will be playing as Sonic, and I'll be playing as…whatever the heck this weird two-tailed fox thing is called.

Aoi: Tails.

Yusaku: Tails? Seriously? That's its name? Well, whatever, let's get started.

*Credits begin rolling*

Announcers: *In a choir-like voice* SEGA!

Yusaku: Just in case we all forgot who made this game. Also Headcannon, Christianwhitehead…sounds racist, and Pagodawest Games…as opposed to Pagodaeast Games…are responsible for this. Are we gonna start playing now?

Aoi: Shhhhhhh!

*Menu page opens up*

Yusaku: Nice title sequence.

Aoi: Press any button to begin.

Yusaku: _Any_ button?

Aoi: Aoi will penalize you if you try anything clever.

Yusaku: Penalize me for being clever? Well then, I guess I'm getting a life sentence because I'm-…

Aoi: *Cracks her whip*

Yusaku: Ok! OK! *Presses a button*

*Opening animation begins playing*

Yusaku: Ok, why didn't I choose to play as that Red Boxer…

Aoi: Knuckles.

Yusaku: Why didn't I choose to be him? He looks WAY more bad-A!

Aoi: Aoi thinks you look cute as Tails.

Yusaku: Whatever. *Watches Sonic running* So…it's a racing game? *Watches Tails fly with his helicopter tails* Because if it is, I think my character is gonna win. I mean, look at Sonic, he almost fell off the track!

Aoi: We are playing together as a team.

Yusaku: Well that sounds like a boring racing game. What kind of gameplay is that? *Suddenly robots begin firing rockets at Sonic* Wait!? What the heck!? Is this a fighting game!? Now you're talking my language!

Aoi: Nani?

Yusaku: Not that language. So…when does this intro end?

Aoi: We begin playing now.

Yusaku: *Watches as Tails pilots an airplane* So…do I control the airplane?

Aoi: Just be patient.

Yusaku: I've been patient for three whole minutes!

Aoi: *Cracks whip*

Yusaku: Eep!

*Sonic races onto an island before he and Tails encounter a group of robots and begin staring at them*

Yusaku: Ok…so…we crash-land on an island…and now…these robots are…mining?

Aoi: They are evil.

Yusaku: Because they're miners?

Specter: *Calling from the background* Darn tootin they're evil for being miners!

Yusaku: Shut up, Specter.

Aoi: They are attempting to harvest a chaos emerald for their own evil ends.

Yusaku: So…should we stop them?

Aoi: Can't right now. Have to wait for the cutscene to stop.

Yusaku: You know, this game is a WHOLE lot of waiting.

*The robots remove the crystal from the ground before the whole area begins warping and Sonic and Tails are suddenly teleported to another zone*

Yusaku: Ok, THIS is why we should have attacked them, INSTEAD of waiting for the cutscene to finish!

Aoi: Kind of like how we always wait to give our opponent's a turn before crushing them with our powerful link monsters?

Yusaku: Touche. But anyway! Let's get going! *Races forward*

Aoi: *Smacks him with her belt*

Yusaku: Ow! What the heck!?

Aoi: You missed three rings in your mad dash to complete this level.

Yusaku: Grrrrr! Fine! I'll collect those stupid floaty ring things. Why are they so important anyway?

Aoi: *Cracks her belt*

Yusaku: Got it! Got it! *Begins running through, bowling through various crabs and minor enemies* Well…this doesn't seem to be much of a challenge. *Enters a secret room and touches a large ring before suddenly getting teleported to a race-track*

 **Catch the UFO!**

Yusaku: Wait…what the-…!? Catch the UFO? Why do I have to catch the UFO? Weren't we in the middle of stopping a bunch of evil robots or something?

Aoi: Do not question the game! *Cracks her belt*

Yusaku: Ok! Fine! I get! Sheesh! You don't have to remind me every time! *Begins running along the race-track* You know…these graphics aren't that good.

Aoi: *Growls like a pit bull*

Yusaku: Just saying. *Gets closer to the UFO* Oh, oh, OH! Is THAT the chaos emerald in its hands! Oh! Now this makes sense! I'm actually chasing it! *touches the UFO*

 **YOU GOT A CHAOS EMERALD!**

Yusaku: Yes! I won! I did it! I got the emerald! Now I can be done with this game and…

 **6 MORE CHAOS EMERALDS TO GO!**

Yusaku: Of course…

Aoi: *Grabs Yusaku's arm* We're gonna be having fun for a long time.

Yusaku: How long exactly?

 **SIX HOURS LATER**

Yusaku: OK! I'm almost done! Now I just have to beat the final boss!

Aoi: And Aoi has reached golden form.

Yusaku: Why can't Tails have golden form?

Aoi: Because I'm the only golden one in this relationship.

Yusaku: We are not a couple.

Aoi: *Cracks her belt*

Yusaku: OUCH!

*Together, they run through a lab before encountering Dr. Eggman in his sinister robotic suit*

Yusaku: Yes! Final boss! I'm free after this is over, right?

Aoi: Only if we win.

Yusaku: Good enough for me! Because there is no way that-… *Gets zapped by the electrical cables* Son of a!

Aoi: You need to dodge more. Seriously, I thought you would have learned that while you were carrying my unconscious body over to the hospital.

Yusaku: Oh! What brilliant advice! *gets zapped again* YOU STUPID!

Aoi: Don't let the missiles hit you.

Yusaku: Don't let the what now? *Gets hit by a barrage of missiles* STUPID STUPID! It's the controller! I swear! *Gets teleported to another room where they're forced to fight a bomb-dropping robot* I SWEAR, IF YOU! *Gets slammed by another barrage of bombs* AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Aoi: Do you want me to adjust the difficulty setting to "Bed-Wetting Baby" for you?

Yusaku: Hardy har! You are so funny!

Aoi: Aoi knows this. Also, you should watch how many rings you have.

Yusaku: How many rings do I have? *Gets blasted by another missile*

 **RINGS: 1 – 1 = 0**

Yusaku: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Aoi: Well, that's too bad. I guess we'll have to start over and spend even more time together.

Yusaku: YOU JUST MAKE SURE TO SLAM THAT STUPID ROBOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN, OKAY!?

Aoi: Aoi will do this.

*Together, they proceed to "eventually" defeat Dr. Eggman*

Yusaku: Yes! Finally! It only took ten tries! Most of which I think were due to Aoi not even trying to keep me alive.

Aoi: *affectionately stroking Yusaku's hair* Aoi pleads guilty.

Yusaku: But now, I can finally be free because…*suddenly they teleport to another room where a king robot takes the Chaos Emerald* Oh great…

Aoi: Now it's time for the final, final boss battle.

Yusaku: You're kidding…

Aoi: Aoi lost the ability to kid after Akira Onii-Sama sold Misses Mandragora to some pawn shop for food.

Yusaku: Misses Mandragora?

Aoi: Long and emotionally scarring back-story you will learn about later. For now, it's game time!

Yusaku: I think I'm done with this ga-…*Aoi raises her belt* -aaaaay robot and want to totally smash him because I want to keep playing this game! How hard is this boss battle anyway?

 **75 ATTEMPTS LATER**

Yusaku: *Panting for breath* I…I did it! Finally! Whoo! Now, finally, I'm free to-…!

Aoi: To play Sonic Forces with Aoi.

Yusaku: But I…

Aoi: *Holds up the belt*

Yusaku: *Breathes in deeply* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 **Meanwhile…**

Epsilon Tarantula: Now then...Let's Plays...hmm...I should probably pick a game that you would have to jump through hoop after hoop to do...Yes...yes...To prepare for Crosslink, I demand that Shoichi do a Let's Play of the IFSCL! MWAHAHAHA!

 **Shoichi Plays IFSCL**

Shoichi: Hello everybody and welcome to Let's Play IFSCL. Now, for those of you who have no idea what IFSCL is, it's apparently a fan-made game based off of the "Code Lyoko" series, in which you play the role of Jeremy, as he controls the Lyoko supercomputer. For those of you who have no idea what "Code Lyoko" is…your loss. I actually did a bit of gameplay before uploading this video, and I personally thought it was pretty easy, you know, just basic programming and all that, but they've since made some updates to the game, so…I'm just gonna start this game up and see what happens. *Starts up game*

*Jeremy comes on screen*

Jeremy: Interactive journal of Jeremy Belpois. Please click on the window to continue.

Shoichi: So right here, we just have a little interactive journal, which kind of gives you a basic overview of the game and a guide on where to look for basic commands. I don't really need a refresher, so I'm just gonna skip through it, if you don't mind. *Skips through it*

*Suddenly, an alert comes up*

Shoichi: So, right now, X.A.N.A., the enemy A.I. in this game, is launching an attack on the real world, and of course, your job is to stop him and shut him down. As you can see, if you scroll through some of the commands on the terminal, you can see that X.A.N.A. has locked down some of the supercomputer's functions. With this game, you have to find a way to work around X.A.N.A.'s viruses, virtualize in some Lyoko warriors, and direct them as they fight against X.A.N.A. and his monsters. Normally, it's advisable to send in as many Lyoko warriors as possible, but since I like to torment Odd, I mean, look at him *pulls up a profile of a blonde-haired cat-kid* he looks just like Yusaku!

Yusaku: *Watching from the background* HEY!

Shoichi: So anyway, I'm just gonna virtualize in Odd…and after that…I just like to sit back and watch X.A.N.A. kill him.

Yusaku: You're a real great hacker, you know that? I can just see how your real-world competence helps you to be a master at this game.

Shoichi: I find this to be the most enjoyable way to play. *Watches as Odd's life drops to 0* So, that's my let's play of "IFSCL." If you have any more suggestions for virtual people I should let die, type in a comment below, or support me on my under TaskMasterShoichi. Thank you all for watching, and I'll see you in the next video! Bye Bye!

alanvaladez: What's next? Strip poker?

Blue Angel and Yusaku Play Strip Poker!

Yusaku: *Wearing a chain and collar around his neck while staring at Blue Angel with a hateful expression as she shuffles a deck of cards* Blue Angel…no.

Blue Angel: Blue Angel…YES!

Unknowedz: 1. These are my suggestions for Let's Plays:  
Yusaku play Five Nights at Freddy's 1.  
Yusaku plays Hearthstone ( a card game similar to Yugioh )  
Yusaku plays Rules of Survival ( mobile game ) or PUBG ( PlayerUnknown's BattleGrounds ). ( Yusaku, if you really play this, I hope you live up to your virtual name and win ) ( These games are mulitiplayer games )

 **Donjusticia: Ok, but just ONE of these!**

 **Yusaku, Aoi, Blue Angel, Ignis, and Go play PUBG!**

Yusaku: *Waiting around for the game to start with his other squad mates* And I can't believe I'm doing yet ANOTHER of these games with all of you people, but whatever. Hello everybody who's watching, my name is Yusaku Fujiki, here to win yet another multiplayer game despite the incompetence of my team-…

Aoi: *Raises the belt*

Yusaku: -…mates other than Aoi-…

Blue Angel: *Raises her whip*

Yusaku: -…and Blue Angel!

Go: And with the help of Go Onizuka!

Yusaku: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Ignis: I'm probably gonna end up carrying all you noobs.

Yusaku: Shut up Ai. If anybody's gonna be carrying this team, it's gonna be me.

Go: Oh yeah? And how are you gonna carry the team when you can't even block my punches! *Punches Yusaku*

Yusaku: Go…you know you can't do any damage in the wait room.

Go: Punch Buggy Red! Punch Buggy Blue! Punch Buggy Green!

Yusaku: GO! There aren't even any buggies out here!

Blue Angel: Yeah! And besides, nobody gets to punch Yusaku except me! *Punches Go away before proceeding to punch Yusaku's avatar in the face.*

Yusaku: Ok! Will you guys…please…*Aoi punches away Blue Angel and begins punching Yusaku in the face instead* CUT IT OUT!

*Suddenly they all get warped onto the plane*

Yusaku: Remind me why I trust any of you guys with my virtual life?

Blue Angel: Don't worry, Yusaku-waku, I'll protect you.

Aoi: Aoi is also extremely interested in Playmaker's well-being and will utterly destroy anyone else who gets near you.

Ignis: Except for your own team-mates, right?

Aoi: What other teammates?

Yusaku: Right…well then, while we're waiting, where do we want to start out? I'm thinking the school, but do you think it might be better to jump when we get to the farm or…

Go: TIMES UP! LET'S DO THIS! *Deploys Parachute* GO ONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZUUUUUUUUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Yusaku: Are you…are you serious right now? He deployed his parachute right when the deploy parachute option appeared?

Ignis: Apparently.

Yusaku: Well, so much for all going in as a team. I guess we'll just abandon Go to whatever the heck he's doing…which I'm surprisingly fine with.

Aoi: Aoi is also fine with some alone time with Playmaker.

Blue Angel: Oh, don't be silly, Aoi. Yusaku-waku is going to be deploying with ME!

Ignis: Whelp! I'm out of here! See you suckers! *Deploys parachute*

Yusaku: Why, you dirty, rotten! Fine then! I guess it's every man for himself! *deploys parachute*

Blue Angel: Wait for me, darling! *Deploys parachute*

Aoi: Aoi will not let Playmaker get away! *Deploys parachute*

Yusaku: *Landing in a hayfield, before Blue Angel and Aoi land close by and run up to his side* Okay…well…I guess it's us three then. Three against the 95 other players…and probably Go and Ignis. I wonder how they're doing. They've probably been wiped out by now.

…

Go: *Running around in his underwear with nothing but his fists as weapons* LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! MAKING THEIR APPEARANCE IN THE RING, I GIVE YOU GO ONIZUKA'S FISTS! *Proceeds to punch three players to death before running away and laughing like a maniac without even looting any of their gear.*

Ignis: *Driving a large jeep* WHAT A LOVELY DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY! *Proceeds to run over 4 players before tommy gunning another 2 players and feasting on their loot…and souls.*

…

Yusaku: Well…anyway, we'd probably better investigate those houses over there. I definitely don't want to be running around in my underwear all day.

Aoi: Aoi would prefer it if Playmaker stayed in his underwear.

Blue Angel: Hey, Yusaku-waku, *poses in front of Yusaku* do my undergarments make my avatar's boobs look big?

Yusaku: OK! OFF TO THE FARMHOUSE! *Sprints over to the building, with Aoi and Blue Angel and following close behind. Once inside the building, the three of them split up and begin searching for loot.*

Yusaku: Let's see…energy drink…energy drink…motorcycle helmet…are they're any weapons in here?

Aoi: *Fully equipped with a Police Vest, Gas Mask, Military Helmet, Coat, Cargo Pants, Hiking Boots, 3 fragmentation grenades, 3 stun grenades, Large Backpack, an AK-47, Sniper Rifle, Mini-Uzzi, and TONS of medical equipment.* Aoi thinks this place is empty now.

Blue Angel: *Still wearing nothing but her undergarments* Oh, don't worry, Yusaku-waku. You can have my weapon!

Yusaku: All you have is a frying pan.

Blue Angel: It's all I need to kill most people.

Yusaku: Right…well…you can just keep it. Aoi, you wanna share one of your weapons with us?

Aoi: Aoi barely has enough resources for her own needs. *Begins chugging energy drinks and using all her medical supplies one after the other*

Yusaku: What!? Aoi!? What the heck!? What are you doing!? You haven't even taken any damage!

Aoi: Aoi is attempting to numb the mental pain of losing her parents with this game's virtual medicine…it's not working very well…

Yusaku: Whatever! Let's just move on to the next building and let ME pick up the medical supplies this time! *hears a gunshot close by* Oh great! And I don't even have a weapon!

Blue Angel: Don't worry, Yusaku-waku! I've got this! *Rushes out the door to meet the enemy player*

Aoi: *Loading her weapon* GIVE ME THOSE PAIN PILLS!

Yusaku: I'll…just…stay here? *Watches as Aoi and Blue Angel gang up on a player, Aoi unloading her weapons on the poor unfortunate soul, who runs away before he's caught and bludgeoned to death by Blue Angel's frying pan.*

Blue Angel: *still beating the crate left behind by the killed player* Stay! Away! From! My! Yusaku! Waku!

Yusaku: *Runs out* Woah! Woah! I think you've got him! I think you've got him!

Blue Angel: Sorry…sorry. *Calms down before examining her weapon* Wow, I definitely need to consider adding a few frying pans to my virtual basement dungeon.

Yusaku: You do that. I, meanwhile, am gonna see what sweet loot this guy was carrying. *begins looking through the crate* Let's see…cargo pants…

Aoi: Mine. *Grabs the Cargo Pants*

Yusaku: Aoi, you already have cargo pants!

Aoi: *Grabs all the medical supplies and begins downing them* Aoi would like some spares.

Yusaku: Fine! I'll just take the shotgun and the…where did the police vest go?

Blue Angel: *Modeling the police vest in front of Yusaku* Hey, Yusaku, does this police vest make my boobs look big?

Yusaku: Actually, you look flat as a brick, HOW ABOUT I WEAR IT INSTEAD!?

Blue Angel: Now, now, now, Yusaku-waku, you have to ask me nicely.

Aoi: *Points her gun at both Yusaku and Blue Angel* GIVE ME THOSE ITEMS, NOW!

Yusaku: *Jumps back* Woah! Woah! Take it easy there, Aoi! What's going on!? You've already got tons of stuff!

Aoi: AOI NEEDS MORE!

Blue Angel: Aoi, you haven't become some kind of hoarder, have you?

Aoi: *Muttering to herself* No…not again! Aoi lost everything after Aoi's parents died! Aoi grew up with nothing! Never again! Never again! Aoi needs to gather what she can! Aoi can't run out of stuff ever again! I'M SORRY MISSES MANDRAGORA! I TRIED NOT TO LOSE YOU! I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SELL YOU FOR FOOD! *Begins madly shooting in the air before crouching down, bawling, and throwing fragmentation grenades in random directions.*

Yusaku and Blue Angel: *Proceed to run away from the explosions.*

Yusaku: Say, Blue Angel! The safe zone is shrinking right now! What do you say we board that car and drive…oh…anywhere but here!?

Blue Angel: I think that sounds like a good idea.

Aoi: *Running up to the others before stopping and speaking in her usual bland emotionless tone* Aoi is coming with you.

Yusaku: Uhhhhhhhhh…*Looks at Aoi, who stands still, as if nothing happened*…are you…okay?

Aoi: Aoi has recovered from her mental and emotional breakdown and has restored herself to full health by consuming all her medical supplies. Aoi will now need to pillage more houses and kill more players in order to acquire more loot.

Yusaku: Ugh…fine. You provide covering fire while I drive.

Blue Angel: Oooh! Can I drive instead?

Yusaku: No. *Gets into the driver's seat*

Blue Angel: Awwwwww, well, at least we can sit together. *Gets into the passenger seat next to Yusaku*

Aoi: *Muttering to herself* Aoi will sit in the back and shoot Blue Angel if she tries anything.

Yusaku: Oh boy, what did I get myself into. *Begins driving over a bridge into another segment of the island.* By the by, how many players are left now?

Aoi: The indicator shows that there are only 12 player…no…11 players…10 players…6 players…

Yusaku: WHAT!? We're already that low!? Who the heck has been killing everyone!?

…

Go: *Still armed with nothing but his fists and a pair of briefs, piles and piles of the crates of dead players surrounding him* I AM PUBG'S DOOM! I AM ITS RECKONING!

Ignis: *Charging towards Go in a speeding jeep* THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE SUPREME OVERLORD OF PUBG!

Go: *Charging headlong at Ignis's jeep* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ignis: *Revving up the engine even more* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Both continue charging forward, Go with his fists and Ignis with his jeep. Suddenly, before they collide, there is an immense explosion that enshrouds both of them in smoke.*

…

Aoi: 4. There are 4 players left.

Yusaku: Wait…really? Well then that's perfect! All we have to do is find some stronghold to hide out in at the center of the map and eventually, the last player will be forced to take us on, three against one!

Blue Angel: Or…maybe Aoi will die, and then it'll just be two against one.

Aoi: *Pointing her guns at Yusaku and Blue Angel* IT WILL SOON BE ONE AGAINST ONE UNLESS AOI GETS MORE LOOT!

Yusaku: Yeah, yeah, yeah. *Pulls up to a concrete observatory* Just make sure you're shooting the last player and not us. I'm going to go inside that building there and see if there's anything left to loot. You two just stay out here, and when the last player comes-…*Suddenly a sniper shot rings out, knocking Yusaku to the ground.*

Blue Angel: No! Yusaku-Waku! You can't die! Not yet! _I'm_ the one who's supposed to kill you in the end!

Yusaku: Hurry! Someone get over here and revive me!

Aoi: *Madly shooting in all directions and hitting nothing* WHERE IS IT! WHERE'S MY LOOT! *Gets sniped in the head by another round*

Yusaku: No! NO! NO! Blue Angel! Hurry! Revive me, and I can loot Aoi's corpse!

Blue Angel: *holds up her frying pan threateningly* And WHY, may I ask, are you interested in looting the corpse of another woman?

Yusaku: THERE'S NO TIME! I'M GONNA DIE SOON! YOU'VE GOT TO HURRY AND-…*watches as Blue Angel suddenly gets blasted in the head by another sniper round*

Yusaku: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*From the shadows of some tall bushes, a heavily equipped figure suddenly emerges before casually walking up to Blue Angel's corpse and taking something from it. Approaching Yusaku, he pauses to look Yusaku's avatar in the eye…before smacking him in the head with the frying pan.*

 **BRAVE MAX: WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!**

Yusaku: Brave Max? WHO THE HECK IS BRAVE MAX!?

Shima Naoki: *Rubbing his hands together as he stares at the screen of his computer* Eh, heh, heh, heh! Aw haw haw haw! AWWW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

…

Yusaku trudged wearily back to the Hot Dog Stand, exhausted from all his gaming. Inside, he met Shoichi, lazily reading a manga…or more accurately…a hentai.

So, how did it go? Shoichi asked.

"I am so never doing that again!" Yusaku groaned, collapsing onto a chair. "But…at least…after all that gaming, I managed to play my way through all the two weeks I owe you for that bet!"

Shoichi lazily turned another page.

"Yusaku…you do realize that none of what happened in this chapter is canon. Right?"

"None of this is what now?" Yusaku asked.

"None of what happened in this chapter will make any difference on future chapters in this series." Shoichi explained.

"So, you're saying…all that time…everything I went through…just to get through the time of my bet!?" Yusaku sputtered.

"Will be erased, yes." Shoichi agreed, handing Yusaku his hotdog outfit.

Yusaku breathed in through his nose.

"********************************************!" he bellowed into the night sky.

 **Ending A/N: Hello everybody! Thank you all once again for your continued support. I hope you all enjoyed this little filler chapter. If one of your requests wasn't fulfilled this chapter, have no fear, many more filler chapters are yet to come, so just wait the long…agonizing…five or so more episodes before the next one is posted, and your request might be fulfilled. Or not. As was suggested by my friend and co-writer, bladeWriter…san…I will probably be changing up these filler chapters so that some feature Let's Plays, others feature something like…oh…I don't know…movie reviews…others might feature Revolver and Specter doing skits…**

 **Specter: Gee Revolver, what do you wanna do tonight?**

 **Revolver: Same thing we do every night, Specter. Try to destroy the digital world!**

 **The other knights: They're Specter in Link Vrains!**

 **Revolver in Link Vrains!**

 **One is a hacker!**

 **The other's insane!**

 **They're Hanoi's toughest knights!**

 **Wearing a suit and white tights!**

 **They're Specter, Revolver in Link Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Before the season's done! Their plan will be unfurled!**

 **By the dawning of the sun, they'll destroy the cyverse world!**

 **They're Specter in Link Vrains!**

 **Revolver in Link Vrains!**

 **Their terrorist campaign! Is easy to explain!**

 **To prove their human worth!**

 **They'll EMP the Earth!**

 **They're Specter, Revolver**

 **In Link Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Vrains!**

 **Specter: NARF!**

 **…** **and other stuff that I come up with on a whim. Feel free to send ideas for any zany filler episodes.**

 **Until then, stay tuned for more of Abridged Yusaku's adventures!**

 **And now, it's time for your reviews!**

Rebel28426 chapter 10 . Apr 1

(formerly Basher)  
For the let's play you should have Playmaker be constantly interfered with be a player called PieceofShmittGames. The interference could range from kill stealing, to getting in the way, such as walking in front of Playmaker when he's about kill someone, but it has to be constantly and annoying. Eventually have Playmaker snap and say something along the lines of, "I will find you, chop off your limbs, tear out your intestines, and ride you like a meat toboggan!"

Meanwhile, with a viewer named, Jonny Black.  
"Hey! That's my threat!"  
Or  
"Meat toboggan. Hmm. Gonna have to use that later."

 **Thanks for the suggestion, but I honestly think Yusaku has enough interference from his fellow players without PieceofShmittGames getting in his way. Stay tuned for more and keep those suggestions coming!**

LunarBeast77 chapter 10 . Apr 3

Hey so... what are your thoughts about Revolver's real body?

 **Ryoken: Why are you asking? What's up with my real body?**

 **Millions upon millions of fan girls: *Scream with delight while drooling as they gaze upon his body.***

LunarBeast77 chapter 10 . Apr 3

When Monika appeared, my on going playlist (which is on shuffle btw) started to play Your Reality. *shivers*

 **Silly LunarBeast77! You're totally overreacting! I mean…it's not like Monika's an actual person or anything…right?**

 **Right?**

 ***Strange glitches begin appearing***

bladeWriter3 chapter 10 . Apr 2

Ruri:... Wow you two are horrible parents!  
Serena: His idea, not mine!  
Yuri:Pfmt, wimps.  
Serena: GO TO YOUR ROOM!  
Yuya: Um, that's my room.  
Serena: *Hisses at Yuya like a feral cat*  
Yuya:... never mind

As usual, I laughed until my sides got sore. But the Revolver arm thing... I just got a lot of flashbacks... I don't want to talk about it.

But anyway, as for the "Let's Plays" I say Yusaku should try and see if he could last Five Nights at Freddy's, while Aoi/Blue Angel plays Just Dance or something. Go I think should play an MMORPG, like maybe Wizards 101 or something, just because it's kind of out of character.

Ai: What about me?

Akira: Or me!

Emma: I need some screen time before I get sacrificed to Revolver's ridiculously over-hyped card!

Sorry I'm out of time! Good luck with the first of Vrains' memetically nauseating recap episodes!

 **Yuri: Typical pigeon woman. Judging us for our parenting skills.**

 **Selena: I personally think we did a great job with our son…and daughter! *Picks up a microphone and begins addressing a little girl who is running an obstacle course* I SAID TO POWER THROUGH THAT MUD AND BARBED WIRE! NOT CRY THROUGH IT!**

 **Yusaku's younger sister: Help…me!**

FurySong chapter 10 . Apr 1

Yusaku: *wakes up* where are we?

Looks like we got blasted into a bathroom... *goes wide eyed and grabs yusaku's head* do you see what I see?

Yusaku: What exactly are you referring to, because I see is a-

Datsatoilet...

Yusaku: Really?

...REVOLVERS DAD KIDNAPPED YOU AS A CHILD! *shoots self and disappears in a beam of light* IM GOING BACK TO PERSONA!

 **You enjoy Persona. But don't ask me to do a Let's Play of it, because I will totally, most certainly, absolutely never in a million yoctoseconds do that!**

Nox Descious chapter 10 . Apr 1

Blooper 1

Firewall Dragon: Dude I keep telling you! I gotta follow the rules of the game!  
Yusaku: SCREW THE RULES! I'M THE MAIN PROTAGONIST!  
Firewall: Dude, your skill is literally the ability to pull new cards out of thin air that are supposed to be random but it always turns out to be exactly what you need! You've been screwing the rules since Episode One!  
Yusaku: EXACTLY! SO WHY STOP NOW?!

Blooper 2

Dr Kogami: Revolver, you do realize that all of Yusaku's Cyberse monsters will be coming back? ALL OF THEM!  
Morgan Freeman Narration: It was at this moment that Revolver knew... HE FUDGED UP!

Blooper 3

Revolver: APPEAR! LINK FOUR! SHOOTY MC SHOOT FACE DRAGON!  
Yusaku: Big deal! I can slay that dragon easily and after that you will be done for!

Borreload Dragon: Who says I'm the only Broken OP Dragon that Revolver has in his Extra Deck! I've got an entire extended family in here! There's my brothers, BorrelSword Dragon, also known as Stabby Mc Stab Face Dragon, and BorrelGuard Dragon, also known as Blocky Mc Block Face Dragon. There is also MiniBorrel Dragon, also known as Tyrion Lannister Dragon, and there is this retard brother called BorrelGarbage Dragon also known as Sh3tty Mc Sh3t Face Dragon, but we don't like to talk about him...

Blooper 4

Yusaku: PREPARE YOURSELF! I LINK SUMMON MY NEW ACE! FIREWALL DRAGON!

Firewall: AWW YEAH! Stardust Dragon 2.0 is finally here! Now i can finally become the star of the show and appear in every single episode as Yusaku relies on me and nobody else just like countless other Yugioh Protagonists and then we get to watch as the writers jump the shark countless amounts of times by creating Ten new Evolved Forms of myself created by Deus Ex Machinas!

Yusaku: Uhhhh I hate to break this to you buddy, but... that's not going to happen. After this duel, I dont use you until eight episodes later when i duel Akira and after that I stop using you completely for the rest of the season. We are 45 episodes in and almost done with season one and we still havent seen your face for almost 25 episodes.

Firewall: What... (Looks at the script for the future episodes) You're kidding...

Yusaku: Hey look if you want to complain then complain to your agent.

Firewall: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

 **I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. I always love your reviews Nox. KEEP THEM COMING!**

SoulMatter chapter 10 . Apr 1

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You never fails to make me laugh my ass off with VRAINS Abridged. Also, looking forward to see Revolver absolutely owning Playmaker on their next two duels... Abridged Style! Oh, I think Topologic Bomber Dragon is going to have competition to stay with Ai, with Topologic Gumblar and Trisbanea. The Code Talkers will definitely be pissed or scared at Varrelguard. Oh, shit! *runs away from the previously mentiones three new monsters*  
Sudden Idea: What if Yuya's egao ideology was a laugh their asses off ideology...  
Keep It Up!

 **I'm glad I never fails to deliver. And oh boy, I am ALSO looking forward to Revolver LITERALLY activating a card called DEUS EX MACHINA! COME ON WRITERS! ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO MAKE PARODYING YOUR WORK A CHALLENGE!?**

 **Thanks for the review!**

Mefist Dragon chapter 10 . Mar 31

Transcode Talker *watching from a safe distance, his own accent laced with a Russian accent* Komrades not very bright...

Barrelguard Dragon *sounding TFS' Cooler*: Oh, tell me about it...And I'm the one who has to keep Load from outright murdering Sword...

Transcode: Da, is same when Decode gets weird pain fetish from puny whip fairy...

 **These Code Talkers are getting more and more fun to write dialogue for. What do you think of Shootingcode Talker? Should he be Legolas…or Yondu…? I'm still trying to decide between the two of them.**

Quasar Blue chapter 10 . Mar 31

Welp... Now I know that Firewall Dragon is basically a dragonified TFS Goku, Varrel-whatever is a glorified Frieza, only worse, and I know where Yusaku got his badassery...and his stupidity. Also, I can TOTALLY imagine Yusaku and Blue Angel playing Sonic Mania... Together :)

 **Varreload: Yes, but you see, there's a difference between me and TFS Frieza. While TFS Frieza is dead…well…I'm not.**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 10 . Mar 31

This chapter managed to capture the essence of a VRAINS-era duel: This, that, that, this, this, that!

I still wonder if I should have Yusaku be Yuri and Selena's canon child for Dyax continuity...hmm...hmm...Eh. Ignis' personal heaven...eh...my idea of a personal heaven is just me being able to be on the internet 24/7 without having to worry about tests and scholarships. That being said, the fact that Lain Iwakura was not present nicks a point off this chapter. Mainly because I think Lain would send Ai to Hell rather than Heaven.

Lain: It's not because of him getting a harem, but because he fails to understand what love really is (And is an insensitive prick to all of his so-called girlfriends). And that's coming from me! A girl who wraps herself up in computer cable bondage every Friday night!

And Dr. Kogami is an idiot. We already had reality-warping virtual worlds in the 1990s! Where has he been living? A rock?

And the obvious plot twists about VRAINS have been given away...because they're obvious.

I still feel more attached to this Yusaku than canon!Yusaku. Because he has shown me nothing to show him sympathy or pity, even with his tragic 'dime a dozen' backstory. This Yusaku is still better.

Now then...Let's Plays...hmm...I should probably pick a game that you would have to jump through hoop after hoop to do...Yes...yes...To prepare for Crosslink, I demand that Shoichi do a Let's Play of the IFSCL! MWAHAHAHA!

 **YOU BE GRATEFUL THAT I DID IFSCL AT ALL! If you think I'm gonna put out a plug for that excellently made fan game, which is free to play, and a wonderful representation of the "Code Lyoko" Supercompuer that everyone should try out, then you have another thing coming! I'm also glad you are enjoying this so much. Yusaku IS Selena and Yuri's canon child, no matter what multiverse fanfiction he resides in. So, yes. You are obligated to make that a plot point.**

alanvaladez chapter 10 . Mar 31

Haha they actually used draw 4 from uno. What's next? Strip poker? XD

 **Alanvaladez, you absolutely must stop saying, "What's next? …" because that's almost a garuntee that the exact thing you mentioned WILL appear in the next chapter. Stop it. For the good of the universe's sanity! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!**

ThePLOThand chapter 10 . Mar 31

Music list:  
Since I tend to use investigations themes from Ace Attorny a lot, I thought: "Hey, why not use ONLY investigation themes for a chapter?"  
It did not work. So no list here.  
You know, I thought: TFS Cells voice would totally work in this and then DBZA REFERENCES EVERYWHERE! Whats next, El Hermano de Kusanagi, Playmaker Blanco and Ultra Instinct Revolver?!  
You are hereby contracted to use Dragonball memes of all kinds in your story!  
And, yeah the german name name of Varreload really is awesome.  
Ah, German Localization, where Vegeta disses Friezas 2nd form as "just a little striptease" and Spongebob, Vellian Crowler and Monokuma have the same voice.  
And of course you named it Parrallel Plot Armour, any other joke would be a crime on the same level, as there being no Aromage named after lavender. WHY NOT?! IS IT BECAUSE OF THAT LAVENDER THEME MUSIC MAKING PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES RUMOUR?!  
*ahem* speaking of which, wonder how the scene of Topologic Gambler Dragons effect is going to play out.  
And before you check out Arc-VRAINS, I should give you the following Trigger Warnings:  
-People will use Extra deck summonings that are not Link summoning like its nothing, in fact 2 people have used Elder Entity Norden.  
-One character has a totally unsymbolic deck, just for the sake of not following YGOs deckpersonality routine and no other reason  
\- Said deck is used by 3 people in the story. (To be fair, 2 of them are mother and daughter and the 3rd person has not even dueled yet at all.)  
-We actually get to see a slice of life chapter of our protagonists watching two Charisma Duelists just for fun.  
-chapter 7 is a mess and way longer than it should be, but I dont think Ill have any overlenght issues afterwards, even in chapters with 4 duels  
-There will be Action Duels  
-Chapter 12 and 15 (which has not been released yet) will contain very controversial duel writing decisions  
-Chapter 24, might contain something that will look like I "jumped the shark", but I will try to make that Idea work anyway. To put things into perspective: It might be as hard to pull of well as OCxCanon  
PS:Your reviews will fill the purpose of helping a noob grow, so its a good deed Yakosaiyiseigisu-senpai! (if you guess from which japanese words I created the japanese translation of your name you get a holy cookie)  
And here two fanfics that you might wanna check out:  
s/12319071/1/Yu-Gi-Oh-Arc-V-The-Fifth-Factor  
Which has a ritual Yuya, but no Ritual Dimension, somehow  
And this:  
s/10734235/1/Yu-Gi-Oh-Arc-VOC  
What the author of Cross-VRAINS wrote before Cross-VRAINS

 **I could never take a cookie that sacred, so I shall forebear. As for the contract…I kind of already sold my soul to Team Four Star in order to gain the power of humor so…yeah…I guess that's already taken care of. Expect plenty more references!**

 **Jin Kusanagi: All these circles make a square! All these circles make a square! All these circles make a square! *Suddenly looks up to Shoichi* Shoichi! I need you to tell me that I can leave this care facility whenever I want!**

 **Shoichi: You can leave whenever you want.**

 **Jin: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!**

 **Thanks for the review!**

Unknowedz chapter 10 . Mar 31

1\. ( Puts on sunglasses ) All according to plan. ( Honestly, it was very close, I had 1 HP after hellfire. ) If an opportunity comes again for a rematch in Hearthstone, I'll like another round too.  
2\. In the latest episode of Canon Vrains: where Playfaker is getting outskilled and most importantly, getting his butt kicked.  
(a) Revolver: EXTRA LINK! COME FORTH TOPLOGIC GAMBLE DRAGON! Now nuke his hand and his LP! Also I have Plot Armour!  
Playmaker: No you-  
Revolver: ( ignores Playmaker ) DUES EX MACHINA!  
(b) Yusaku's relationship with Ignis has taken into the next level.  
3\. Revolver's strategy after this duel: Trolling people with Mirror Force because why not.  
4\. One has to wonder where did Firewall go after the next master duel because he is not there. Also, Firewall, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but Yusaku is most likely going to replace you as his ace monster in his deck after seeing you being limited.

 **1.** **I've actually managed to make it to rank 13 with my Lunaria Dollmaster Dorian Deck. So yeah! Rematch baby! I am so ready for it!**

 **2.** **OH MY GOSH! I ALREADY SAID THIS, BUT I DIED, JUST DIED WHEN REVOLVER ACTUALLY ACTIVATED "DEUS EX MACHINA! FREAKING DEUS EX MACHINA!? WHAT'S NEXT!? FOURTH WALL BREAK!? LOVE TRIANGLE!?**

 **3.** **Revolver: It's not called "Mirror Force," It's called, "Very Mysterious and Vaguely Overpowered Card."**

 **4.** **Firewall: *Snoring in his Extra Deck bed while ignoring the summoning alarm***

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 1 . Mar 23

Oi I have a funny joke from the show called IT Crowd you could reference! Let's say some peace of equipment of Shoichi's is broken:

-The things not working!

-Have you tried turning it off and on again?

-What?

-DID TOU TRY TURNING IT OFF AND ON?!

Ha ha! I'd love it if it happened in Vrains! OH oh or with Revolver and the Knights of Hanoi! Hah! XD

 **I'm always open to doing references. I'll have to look up IT Crowd and see what it's got. Thanks for the suggestion and the review! I'll see you all in the next episode!**


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Emma: The following is a** ** _non-profit_** **fan-based parody, which begs the question as to why I even bother with it?**

 **Akira: Hey, Emma! I'm having trouble delivering this huge sack of money to Sol Technologies because it's so heavy! Could you pretty please give me a hand with it?**

 **Emma: Oh yeah, that's right. Coming, hon! Feel free to let me know what other expensive items and jewelry I can carry off, I mean, help you carry!**

Chapter 12: Ghost Girl's **EXTRA THICC!** Invitation/Death Trap

Ever since Akira had lost his job and run out of money, Emma had had to find a new favorite person to suck dry. After taking a relaxing money bath, complete with sapphires for water and ground up diamond paste for her unique hair conditioner, Emma had decided to raid Sol Technology's data vault, a decidedly easy heist considering that, thanks to Akira, their security still completely sucked.

"Accessing Sol archives…" Emma hummed to herself as she effortlessly hacked into the company's main frame. "…entering username…Akira Zaizen…Password…Password…really, Akira, I have no idea why you weren't fired earlier. Now I just have to press, 'access all super-secret incriminating company data hush hush!'…"

She pressed on the button, and, immediately, an image of Akira appeared on her screen.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" The image of Akira mocked, wagging his finger with disapproval, "You didn't say the magic word!"

"Please." Emma lazily typed into the dialogue box.

"Oh…well…I guess I can't argue with that." The computerized Akira shrugged. "Go ahead and access all our company's _extremely_ private _super_ secretive _unbelievably_ incriminating data. But don't you dare read Akira's journal entries in file 4.1.6 on how much he _loves_ Emma! Especially you, Emma!"

Emma rolled her eyes. She had read that file about fifteen times now. She thought it was kind of cute, to be honest, not that she had any real feelings for Akira herself, but still.

She proceeded to approach the central vault, ready to extract all the juicy info she could so that she could hold the entire company in ransom, when…

"A data storm!?" Emma sputtered as she was suddenly blocked from the system, "That wasn't here before! Who changed this!?"

Suddenly, an image of the new and improved chief of security, Kitamura, appeared on Emma's screen.

"Well now, it would seem it is down to you and down to me." The computerized Kitamura mused. "Fortunately for me, it would appear that you are no match for my brains!"

"Ugh!" Emma sighed, pulling herself from the network before she got arrested. "New and effective security? Really? Now how am I going to hack into their vaults so I can buy that new solid gold mansion in the Cayman Islands?"

She sat pondering for a moment, hand idly squeezing a thick wad of hundred dollar bills she kept as a stress ball.

"Yusaku has an interesting connection with the data storm. If I could just fool that idiot into accessing the vault for me, this would be an easy score. But at the same time…the guy _really is_ kind of an idiot…even when compared to Akira. I mean, how could that kid _not_ figure out the obvious Revolver plot twist? Can I really live with myself if I exploit such an innocent idiotic kid?"

Her eyes wandered to a selfie she had taken with Akira as she snatched his wallet for the 340th time.

"It's time to pull out the big guns." She eventually decided. "Time to bring out my milkshake!"

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains Abridged Theme Song**

 **(But it's Emma singing her official abridged theme song (which is "Milkshake" by Kelis, please don't sue me!))**

 **Emma: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!**

 **And they're like, it's better than yours.**

 **Dang right! It's better than yours.**

 **I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.**

 **My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard**

 **And they're like:**

 **Akira: It's better than yours!**

 **Blue Angel: HEY!**

 **Emma: Dang right! It's better than yours.**

 **I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.**

 **Oh, once I get involved,**

 **Everybody looks my way, so**

 **I just maintain my charm,**

 **Ooh while I snatch their dough.**

 **Just draw the perfect hand,**

 **And set traps on your field,**

 **And when he makes his move,**

 **Then he's not gonna win.**

 **La! La-la! La! La!**

 **Start it up.**

 **La! La-la! La! La!**

 **My cards are waiting.**

 **La! La-la! La! La!**

 **Start it up.**

 **La! La-la! La! La!**

 **My cards are waiting.**

 **My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!**

 **And they're like, it's better than yours.**

 **Dang right! It's better than yours.**

 **I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.**

 **My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!**

 **And they're like:**

 **Shoichi: It's better than yours.**

 **Emma: Dang right! It's better than yours.**

 **I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.**

Akira was staring at his computer screen, trying to remember how to turn the strange box on. His current office and title was a bit of a downgrade from his previous ones, but Akira was okay with that. He didn't know what "downgrade" meant.

Still, it bothered him that his chess overlords had said that he'd done a "bad job" when it came to network security and that they were appointing someone "better" than him to his old position. Akira didn't like Kitamura. He made him feel even dumberberber…than most people made him feel.

"If only there were a way I could somehow make my rival look bad…" Akira mused, in an odd moment of relative cognition, "…then Bishop-Sama might actually like me, and I could get my old job back. But who do I know who could help me…?"

Slowly, Akira's eyes wandered to his phone. On its face was a sticky note saying, "In case of petty revenge, call Emma."

"Nah…I'm still not sure what I should do…" Akira said to himself, trying to think even harder.

His eyes wandered to a sticky note adjacent to the first one. This one read, "FREAKING CALL EMMA, AKIRA!"

"I have the strangest feeling that I should call Emma." Akira suddenly realized.

"YES!" a third sticky note read, "YOU SHOULD CALL EMMA! DO IT! AND MAKE SURE YOU BRING PLENTY OF MONEY TO PAY HER! – Love Emma."

Feeling oddly sure of himself, Akira decided to go with his gut instinct and call Emma.

"Hey Emma, how you doing?" he said, once she had answered.

"Akira, fancy you calling me." Emma replied from the other side, sounding bored. "I must say, I totally did not anticipate you contacting me today. What can I do for you?"

"I've got a job for you Emma." Akira replied. "Meet me at our super, secret, open-to-the-public meeting place AT THE BRIDGE ON THE SOUTH SIDE OF DEN CITY and I'll tell you more."

"Why do you always scream out the all the most secret details?" Emma sighed from the other end.

"Sorry, it's a bad habit I have." Akira admitted, "Just make sure you don't tell anyone that I PLAN TO UNDERMINE SOL TECHNOLOGIES TO GET BACK MY JOB! Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Your secret is safe with me." Emma promised. "I'll make no guarantees that your secret is safe with you, but still, I'll meet you at the bridge, okay hon?"

"Thanks Emma, you're the best." Akira sighed.

"I know. Goodbye now!" Emma called from the other side.

Akira hanged up the phone and then reclined on his chair, trying to remember what exactly he'd been doing before he made the call.

"I could sure use a coffee right now." He decided.

"DID SOMEBODY SAY, MOTHER FLIPPIN' COFFEE!?" Someone called from the other side of the room.

Akira turned around to see a young and rather moe looking brown-haired girl with sparkling unfocused eyes, a cute button nose, and an innocent face that just screamed, **"TON RO EM TNAW UOY REHTEHW ENIM UOY EKAM LLIW I, ARIKA!"**

"Hiyami!? My cute and attractive childhood friend who recently got hired as a background character for this company!? What are _you_ doing here!?" Akira asked, eyes widening with surprise.

"I just heard my Akira's been feelin' a little thirsty," Hiyami giggled in an oddly thick, choking voice, which Donjusticia totally did not appropriate from Runawaytourist's Ling Yin Huang (Rin) from "InfiniteMent," "so I decided to fix you a cup of some effin coffee!"

"Ah! Thanks Hiyami!" Akira cooed, taking the cup from her.

"Now drink it up quick!" Hiyuami instructed, "'Cause I put a little something special and secret inside it, and I want you to drink it while it's still alive!"

"Ooh boy! I love me some special secret ingredient coffee!" Akira enthused before raising the cup to his lips and drinking it all down in one gulp with a loud **SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*BURP*rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

"By the way, what was in that coffee?" Akira asked, an innocent smile on his face as he set the cup down.

"Oh, nuttin' much." Hiyami shrugged, a playful smile on her face, "I always just spit a little in your cup for good luck (and so we can indirectly kiss) before I serve it to ya."

"I was wondering why my coffee tasted like chocolate gummy bears, chewing gum, and that paint you like to drink when nobody's looking." Akira laughed.

"The red paint tastes just like cherries!" Hiyami giggled/snorted like a pig.

"AAAAHHHHH HA!" Akira laughed right along with her, "You were always so funny and stooooooooooopid, Hiyami. That's why I always laughed at you whenever I so much as looked at you on the playground!"

"Not as much as I laughed at you, you giant retard!" Hiyami guffawed, before leaning forward and staring at Akira with an intense (yet somehow unfocused) gaze. "I wanna smother your face so hard right now with my love!"

"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" Akira laughed, "You are so good at making me laugh, Hiyami. So, anything you want to talk about?"

"I wanna talk about yo tongue in my mouth." Hiyami squealed.

"What?" Akira asked, not sure if he had heard right.

"AKIRA!" Hiyami suddenly gasped, taking his hands in hers, "The time has finally come! I am no longer just a retarded kid who chewed yo bubble gum so I could taste yo spit! Now I'm ready to chew yo bubblegum as a full-grown retarded woman!"

"What are you saying, Hiyami-Chan?" Akira breathed.

"I'm sayin, I LOVE YOU!" Hiyami screamed.

"Hiyami-Chan!" Akira gasped, "I-I don't know what to say! I…I think I love you too!"

"You ready to do the things we talked about doing once we grew up?" Hiyami breathed.

"You mean the stuff about living in your house?" Akira asked.

"Yep!" Hiyami agreed.

"And sharing your bed?" Akira continued.

"YEP!" Hiyami squealed.

"And letting you feed me spicy pizza nuggets mouth-to-mouth like a momma bird with her chicks?" Akira finished.

"OOH HO HO HO! EEP!" Hiyami sort of squeak/snorted.

"Yeah, I don't remember any of it." Akira admitted with a smile.

"YOU FORGOT!?" Hiyami roared, slapping Akira's face, "HOW COULD YOU!?"

"Yeah, I've suddenly forgotten our entire conversation, now that I've got a hot girl like Emma to meet in a little while. Boy do I think that girl is hot!"

"Oh no you don't, Akira!" Hiyami threatened, pulling Akira extremely close so that they were touching noses, "Ya'll don't get to run oft like that an' let some other girl chew yo bubblegum! Not unless you wanna see the wild side of me!"

"You'd better get out of the way, Hiyami-Chan!" Akira warned, "Our hormones are raging right now, and you definitely don't want to see me when I'm passionate!"

"Don't make me succ yo face!" Hiyami growled.

"Don't make me glomp you like a body pillow!" Akira growled back.

"Don't make me…SUCC…YO…FACE!" Hiyami bellowed.

"WHAT, YOU SCARED!?" Akira roared.

"BRING IT!" Hiyami taunted.

"COME ON! I DARE YOU!" Akira howled.

 **"** **HAVE MY BABY NOW!"** Hiyami thundered in an oddly demonic voice before she and Akira proceeded to, OH EGYPTIAN GODS NO! NO! I AM NOT WRITING THIS! PLEASE! STOP! STOP! NO! MY EMMA X AKIRA SHIP! MY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

…

"-and that's the reason why I can't feel anything from the waist down now." Akira finished as he met Emma at their super-secret special awesome location.

"…what?" Emma asked, completely and utterly confused.

"Aw man!" Akira groaned, "Did I do that thing with the dash again? Here, I'll explain it to you again in graphic detail."

"No, no, no!" Emma hastily replied, "I…think I'm fine not knowing the details."

"I guess it's for the best." Akira sighed. "I've already forgotten what happened anyway…what was I doing here again?"

"Didn't you have a job for me?" Emma prompted. "Preferably one that pays me and isn't just a favor this time?"

"IF YO LOOKIN FOR HIM TO MAKE A DIRECT DEPOSIT IN YO' BANK, I THINK I ALREADY MADE SEVERAL WITHDRAWALS FROM HIM! OH YEAH! INNUENDO!" Hiyami suddenly roared, appearing behind Akira despite the forces of canon.

Emma stared at the strange brown-haired intern.

"…Akira…who the heck is this chick?"

"Oh, her?" Akira replied, looking behind him, "Let me introduce you to Hiya-blu-bluh-bluh…I can't remember the rest of her name. She's my BEST FRIEND!"

"We've been through thick and thin, Akira and I." Hiyami agreed, a dreamy expression coming over her face.

"Yeah!" Akira remembered, "Ever since we fought together in that epic cyber war against Dr. Doofenspider!"

 **EPIC FLASHBACK!**

Akira and Hiyami ducked behind cover, narrowly avoiding a laser blast from the evil Dr. Doofenspider.

"NAW HA HA HAW! My moment of triumph approaches!" Dr. Doofenspider cackled as he raised a strange device in the air. "BEHOLD! The BoxThatActuallyDamagesYourRealBodyBomb3000nator! Inator. Now you will all kneel before my ultimate evil!"

"I came here to kick spider and chew bubble gum!" Akira called back, "And I'm all out of bubble gum!"

"Sorry 'bout that." Hiyami apologized, popping the rest of Akira's chewing gum into her mouth.

"Ok, Hiyami!" Akira whispered, "We've only got one shot at this! Are you with me!?"

"Till the end, Akira!" Hiyami replied, taking his hand, "And, if we don't come out of this alive, I just want you to know two things. First of all, Akira, I LOVE YOU!"

"I know." Akira agreed.

"Second," Hiyami continued, "I'm actually your second cousin."

There was a pause.

"That actually explains a whole lot." Akira admitted.

…

"Ok, that never happened." Emma replied, looking a little miffed, "First off, I know the two of you aren't cousins."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww…" Akira and Hiyami whined in unison.

"No! That's not an 'Awwwwwwwwwwww!' Akira! What, do you _want_ your kids to grow up completely retarded?" Emma asked.

"Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…" Akira and Hiyami thought aloud in unison.

"Actually, don't answer that." Emma grumbled. "Second of all, for your information, _I_ was the one who was with Akira when we were fighting Dr. Doofenspider."

"Oh, but you aint never been with Akira like I been." Hiyami taunted, a smug expression on her face.

"OOH! I GET IT!" Akira laughed, "YOU'RE SAYING WE JUST DID IT!"

"Happy to take your first time from ya, BOI!" Hiyami whooped in triumph.

 _"_ _Jokes on you,"_ Emma silently thought, _"I already stole that from him years ago."_

"Stole what from me?" Akira asked, looking curious.

"N-NOTHING!" Emma sputtered, face turning a shade more purple than her hair. "I mean…wait…WHAT!? DID YOU JUST READ MY-…?"

"Well, look at the time," Akira sighed, glancing down at his Yugi Moto watch, which was currently pointing at "D-D-DUEL!" "We'll see you Hiyami-Chan! I'm off on a SECRET MISSION with Emma here."

"Well, you two run 'long now and have some fun." Hiyami giggled good naturedly, "I'll be waiting for you with a nice fresh cup 'o coffee and a little somethin' else, if ya know what I mean. EEE HEE HEE!" she giggled before hopping onto the back of her pet Pegasus and flying away.

Emma was still processing what had just happened when Akira began speaking to her.

"So…what were we doing here again?" he asked.

"You…mentioned something about a secret mission?" Emma asked after a few moments.

"Secret what now?" Akira asked.

Emma rolled her eyes.

"You were wanting to pay me to go on another hot date with you like we usually do!" Emma giggled in her playful seductive voice.

"Oh yeah! I remember now!" Akira suddenly exclaimed. "So, you see, Emma, ever since I sort of...lost my job...on the grounds that I..."was an utterly incompetent boob who nearly ruined the company's future" …Sol replaced me with one of the worst security chiefs in all of existence!"

…

"I'm not happy, employees. NOT happy!" Chief Kitamura growled at the workers feverishly typing away at the computer screens. "Ask me, 'why?'"

"Uhm…why?" A nervous employee asked.

"Why what? Be specific employee 2067." Kitamura lectured.

"Wh-why aren't you happy, chief?" employee 2067 gulped.

"Your progress on my new A.I. security system, makes me unhappy." Kitamura explained.

"Uhm…with all due respect," said another employee, raising his hand, "I think we've made some pretty good progress considering the mess we had to clean up after the Hanoi incident and Akira left."

"Am I going mad!?" Kitamura suddenly growled before rounding on the employee who had spoken up, "Or did the word 'think' escape your lips!? You were not hired for your brains, you faceless emotionless background character!"

"But…we're computer programmers." A female employee objected, "I thought we were hired precisely because of our brains."

"Oh, and how could I forget about you!?" Kitamura sneered, leering at the employee, who scrunched up her neck with discomfort. "Never forget this employee 1258! NEVER FORGET THIS! When I found you in that community college, you were so slobbering incompetent, you couldn't fund one of your 8-bit indie games! Do you want to go back to where you were before!? Working without pay, at a GAME JAM!?"

Employee 1258 shook her head.

"Good! Now get back to work!" Kitamura ordered. "And make sure all of you do exactly what I told you to do!"

"Uh…what exactly do you want us to do again?" another employee asked. "You didn't exactly give us specific instructions."

"Oh, sweet Sophia, Goddess of Renewal!" Kitamura angrily swore, "What exactly is so hard about building advanced security A.I. with decks based on tentacle porn!?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" All the employees replied in unison, looking very uncomfortable.

"Look, it's very simple!" Kitamura growled, pointing at the screen of one of the employees. "Just program the thing! And…that other thing! DO IT! AAAAAUUUGGGHHH!" he roared when nobody immediately did whatever the thing was.

"Why the heck do we put up with him!?" Employee 1258 whispered to her co-worker as Kitamura left to "motivate" some other workers.

"Put up with him?" her coworker replied, a strange smile on his face. "Are you kidding me? Kitamura's the best thing that's ever happened to this company!"

"And how do you figure that?" Employee 1258 huffed.

"Easy!" her co-worker replied. "HE'S NOT AKIRA!"

"Oh…my…various…trading…card…gods!" Employee 1258 realized. "YOU ARE SO RIGHT! EVERYBODY!" she called, standing on her desk so that all her fellow workers could hear her. "REJOICE! KITAMURA IS _NOT_ AKIRA!"

This declaration was met with thunderous applause and confetti as workers everywhere popped open bottles of champagne and put on party hats to celebrate the joyous removal of Akira from their lives.

Meanwhile, in the holo-room, the sol executives were also celebrating.

"Well… _hic_ …I definitely think… _hic_ …that we should have removed Akira a loooooooooooooooooooong time ago." Bishop said to his chess companions, who were all wearing party hats, and sounding a little tipsy.

"You're telling me!" Rook hiccupped. "Ever since that bone-head left, not only has our company security tightened up like a walnut shell, but our company profits have increased 500%, our workers are happy, and our customers actually feel safe knowing that their safety is not in the hands of a complete idiot!"

"Why exactly did it take us so long to get rid of that bozo?" Knight asked.

In the background, they heard Queen sobbing.

"Why isn't Akira-kun here!?" the regal chess-piece sobbed. "His hologram always visits me at this time of day! I even put on an _extra_ skimpy swimsuit, just for him!"

"Oh… _hic_ …right…" Bishop groaned.

"The reason we actually hired that idiot in the first place." Rook sighed.

"I'm actually surprised he manages to be attractive to anyone." Knight mused to himself. "First Queen, and now this one intern we recently hired seems to be all over him."

"What was this I heard about some intern skank moving in on my territory!?" Queen growled, moving diagonally along the chessboard so that she was in position to capture Knight.

"Uhm…uh…nothing!" Knight sputtered. "D-don't worry Queen! Our decision to move Akira away from his post as chief of security was…was only a temporary one!"

"Y-yeah!" Rook agreed, who was also in position to be captured by the vengeful Queen. "We're preparing to…uhm…promote him to an even better position! One that will allow him to visit you _all_ the time!"

"Really?" Queen asked, sounding hopeful.

"S-sure…" Bishop nervously replied. "We'll…uhm…make sure that happens."

"It'd _better_ happen! Otherwise…" Queen's piece inched closer to the sweating Bishop chess piece, "I've got the _perfect_ person for Akira-kun to replace!"

Bishop's piece began sweating.

"Also, I'm playing 'hard-to-get,' so make sure that neither Akira nor anybody else finds out about this conversation!" Queen added, "Otherwise I'll be knockin' down all ya'll's pieces! 'Cause I'm the Queen! I'm fast and strong, like the data-wind! And I show no mercy!"

Queen let her threat hang in the air before her piece faded away. Once she had gone, the other chess pieces let out a sigh of relief.

"We've _really_ gotta find a way to get rid of Queen." Knight decided.

"Or at least find a way to use Akira to keep her distracted." Bishop mused.

"What is that idiot doing anyway?" Rook asked.

…

"So, do you understand the plan, Emma!?" Akira asked.

"Well, seeing as I'm actually the only one who made the plan, yes Akira, yes. I think I understand what my own plan is." Emma sighed.

"Good…now tell me what the plan is." Akira said.

"I just explained it to you, like, fifteen times already." Emma sniffed, looking annoyed. "So why don't you just forget about knowing the details, and instead tell me how much money you were wanting to fork over for this job. (It was 19 billion in diamonds, by the way.)" she whispered in Akira's ear as an afterthought.

"I have forty-five yen and some chewing gum." Akira replied, holding up a thin wad of money and a piece of gum Emma was pretty sure Hiyami had recently chewed.

"Ok, are you trying to haggle with me?" Emma asked, "Because you're doing a pretty bad job if you are."

"Nope." Akira confessed. "This is all the money I have now."

"Really?" Emma asked, taken aback. "How the heck did that happen?"

She glanced down briefly at her bulging diamond-studded purse hanging from her side.

"You know what, never mind." Emma sighed. "I guess I don't really need you anyway. I was planning on suckering Playmaker into doing most of the dirty work for me. No need to waste your cute face on this mission, hon." She added, giving Akira a reconciliatory pat on the cheek.

"Huh, huh!" Akira laughed, blushing like an idiot, "Did you call me 'cute,' Emma?"

"Look, hon," Emma sighed, "I'm not interested in men without money or power, so unless you're willing to take out a massive loan, I'm just gonna do this on my own."

"Would you help me out if I said 'please?'" Akira purred.

"Akira," Emma replied, suddenly looking a little flustered, "that trick is _not_ going to work on-…!"

 _"_ _Pretty please…?"_ Akira asked in a suddenly extremely romantic and not retarded at all voice, which left Emma staring at him with her mouth open.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Emma growled at herself before angrily stamping on the ground. "Stupid! Stupid! OK! FINE! I'll restore you to your position so you can pay me back later! I can't say 'no' anyway when you use your 'Serious Akira' voice on me." Emma admitted.

"Yeah, I don't know where that came from." Akira admitted, voice going back to its usual retarded tone.

"Yeah…" Emma agreed, sounding hesitant, "…so…while we're on the topic I mean…you wouldn't happen to have had any…oh…I don't know…sudden periods of epiphany where you don't feel stupid at all…to the point where you almost have a completely different personality, would you?"

"What does 'epibluh-bluh,' I can't say it, mean?" Akira asked.

"Never mind." Emma sighed. "So anyway, just give me a minute. I'm going to lure Playmaker into a little trap of mine so we can raid the data vault. But first, I'm just gonna do a little seduction on that wingman of his to draw him out."

"Seduc-what now?" Akira asked.

…

Shoichi Kusanagi, better known by his online name, Daddy Long Legs, **(This one's actually canon guys! Look up Emma's message to him!)** was busy doing "his usual thing" online.

"Oh, yeah, Pikachu!" he murmured to himself. "You poke-a-mon that Jigglypuff! You're gonna be the very best! Like nobody ever was! To watch all these videos is my real test! To rate them is my call! POKEMON!"

Suddenly, he was interrupted when he got a message from Ghost Girl, directly addressed to Daddy Long Legs, asking if he'd been "a good boy" since they last spoke.

Shoichi quickly exited out of a few screens before licking his hand, slicking back his hair, and replying.

"I'm afraid I've been a little naughty *sheepish grin emoji*" he typed into the chat box. "But I promise I was always thinking of you."

"Oh, you naughty, naughty, little boy *playful slap emoji*" Ghost Girl replied. "We're you _really_ thinking about me? *winky face emoji*"

"Oh, I was thinking _all_ about you…and what I'd _do_ with you. *pervy face emoji*" Daddy Long Legs replied.

"*Alarmed blushing anime girl emoji!* Oh you are so _bad_ Daddy Long Legs!" Ghost Girl replied.

"You should come over IRL." Daddy Long Legs replied. "Then you'd _really_ see how bad I could be."

"Awww, I'd _love_ to *Hearts for eyes emoji* but…*thinking emoji*…there's something I've really got to do! *exasperated whining emoji*"

"What is it? Maybe I can _help_ you out with it? *Flexing arms before kissing biceps emoji*"

"You'd really help me? *Hearts for eyes emoji* Oh you are so _nice_ Daddy Long Legs!"

"What can I say…I aim to please. *Pervy face emoji*"

"Oh, you naughty, naughty, dirty boy! *playful slap emoji* So anyway…I was just needing to know if I could borrow Playmaker for a couple of minutes."

"Playmaker? Why do you need him when you've got, Daddy Long Legs? *Spider emoji flexing its muscular legs*

"Ooh *surprised emoji* I bet all _three_ of your legs are _very_ long, but…I kind of need to steal Playmaker's Ignis from him, or, failing that, manipulate him into stealing something for me."

"And why are you asking me? *confused emoji*"

"I hear you have a special connection with Playmaker. Also…let's just say I'm planning something 'extra special' for you if you can help me out *mischievous emoji*."

"I'll get Playmaker to you in ten seconds!" Shoichi hastily typed back before exiting his chair so fast that it actually spun around, grabbing his phone, and calling Yusaku's house.

…

 **Actual Anime Dialogue…**

Ignis: Mmmmmmmmmm! Yeah! A little to the left!"

…

"You'd better be careful, Master Ignis." Roboppy warned. "People hearing us without context will think we're doing very naughty things indeed!"

"And who says we're not doing extremely perverted things right now?" Ignis asked.

"Yeah, good point." Roboppy shrugged before the two of them recommenced their rather intense make-out session.

Just then, they heard the door open.

"Fine time for stupid Shoichi to call me." Yusaku grumbled, angrily putting away his cell-phone as he walked into his house. "I swear, if I don't find another free food provider soon so I don't have to keep doing all these stupid missions, I'm gonna-…"

He stopped mid-sentence when he saw his one-room apartment in complete disarray and Roboppy and Ignis in the center of it all.

"I don't even want to ask, do I?" Yusaku sighed.

"Yeah…probably not." Ignis and Roboppy agreed.

"Well, I'll have to figure out a way to get back at you all later." Yusaku grumbled, grabbing his Duel Disk. "Roboppy, please clean and _thoroughly_ disinfect this mess, Ai, you're coming with me."

"Where are we going?" Ignis asked.

"We're going to Shoichi to hopefully NOT get forced into some retarded mandatory mission." Yusaku grumbled.

…

"Your mandatory mission, whether or not you choose to accept it," Shoichi lectured once Yusaku had arrived, "is to enter Link Vrains, and duel Ghost Girl."

"And _why_ , may I ask, am I doing this, again?" Yusaku asked.

"You may not ask." Shoichi replied, "And it's totally not just so I can score a hot date with her IRL."

"Figures." Yusaku grumbled. "Whelp, Shoichi, feel free to let Ghost Girl play you like a complete idiot. I, meanwhile, will choose NOT to fall for the exact same death-trap trick we seem to fall for EVERY SINGLE TIME…and content myself with going hungry for a while since no amount of free hot dogs is worth this."

"Yusaku, you do know that you're going to be forced to duel, whether you want to or not." Said Ignis.

"Yeah." Shoichi agreed. "Might as well accept that nothing you do can stop the plot from going forward rather than lose even more of your dignity."

"Yeah, I _really_ don't think you get it." Yusaku snarled. "I am drawing the line in the sand this time! I will NOT be forced to throw myself into another pointless mission, just so you can-MMMMPH!"

"Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" Shoichi whispered, suddenly clamping a chloroform rag over Yusaku's mouth until he passed out.

…

When Yusaku came to a few seconds later, he found Ghost Girl standing over him.

"Well, fancy seeing you here, Playmaker." Ghost Girl giggled. "I must admit, I often do have boys falling head-over-heels for me, but this is the first time my beauty has knocked someone out cold. Were you _that_ eager to visit me?"

"And I'm already in an extremely compromising position…great." Yusaku sighed before managing to get back on his feet. Well then, since I guess Shoichi's resorted to LITERALLY DRUGGING ME INTO VRAINS, AND I'M CALLING THE POLICE ON YOU ONCE I GET OUT,"

"Yeah, good luck with that." Shoichi snickered into Yusaku's ear-piece.

"then I guess I'll just take this time to play along while I come up with my sweet revenge." Yusaku finished with a growl before turning to Ghost Girl. "So, what's your game this time, Ghost Goblin.?"

"It's Ghost Girl." Ghost Girl corrected.

"My name for you is more accurate." Yusaku retorted. "You plan on crushing me with a giant hand again, because if you are, I should warn you, after spending last week in Aoi's basement dungeon, I've learned a lot about tolerating pain and breaking out of high-security facilities."

"You spent a week in Aoi's basement dungeon?" Emma asked. "Wow. I feel for you."

"It was a chapter that could never be published, and which I definitely don't want to talk about." Playmaker admitted. "My original point being, I'm not really interested in either the friendly banter or the brutal torture. How about we just get to the duel so I can own you, prevent you from getting whatever it is you're trying to get, and go home to my, relatively peaceful, life?"

"Sounds fine to me." Ghost Girl shrugged. "My terms are pretty simple, really. If I win, I'll take that Ignis of yours."

"Which I'd be totally fine with." Yusaku replied.

"DID CHAPTER TEN MEAN NOTHING TO YOU!?" Ignis wailed.

"And if you somehow win," Ghost Girl continued, "I'll actually give you something you want."

"Which would be…?" Yusaku asked.

"I'll give you the key to Sol Tech's data bank so you can finally get you and Shoichi's revenge on the Knights of Hanoi, and not have to do any more of these stupid missions ever again."

"That actually is kind of tempting." Yusaku admitted. "Alright, Emma, I'll play your sick game, BUT FIRST, LET'S HAVE AN INTENSE CHASE SEQUENCE ON OUR D-BOARDS JUST SO WE CAN DECIDE WHO GOES FIRST!"

"YOU'RE ON!" Emma agreed before they both hopped on their tricked-out D-Boards and zoomed through the data wind at full throttle.

"You're not gonna win this race, Emma!" Yusaku called, revving up the engines of his hover board. "I've got mad skillz when it comes to the data wind!"

"Not to mention that as a highly advanced A.I., I am mapping out the perfect route for Yusaku to go." Ignis proudly added.

"So, you're basically as advanced as G.P.S." Yusaku smirked, pulling ahead of Emma, "Wow, _real_ impressive tech you have there."

"In 500 yards, take the next exit!" Ignis roared, "I mean…SHUT UP! I'M SUPER ADVANCED I TELL YOU! SUPER ADVANCED I SAY! MY CALCULATIONS ARE FLAWLESS!"

"Did your flawless calculations take into account the tank?" Emma asked.

"Did my calculations take into account the what now?" Ignis asked before turning his head around and screaming.

"WHAT IS A FLIPPING TANK DOING FOLLOWING US!?" Yusaku screamed as the immense machine turned its turret to fire a massive shell his direction.

"Sorry." Akira apologized from the tank's cockpit. "Obligatory 'Fast and Furious' reference. Had to be done."

Playmaker just barely managed to dodge the tank shell, which reduced an entire virtual skyscraper to rubble. Unfortunately, his little evasive maneuver also enabled Emma to win the race and take the first turn.

"Well, that was certainly an exhilarating, if not totally unnecessary segment." Emma sighed, drawing her opening hand.

"I guess this is what I get for trying to make these stupid missions a little more exciting." Yusaku sighed before gliding next to Emma.

"Speaking of exciting," Emma giggled, "how about I _really_ ratchet up this duel's suspense by summoning Altergeist Marionetter, a really weak monster, in attack position, before setting two cards face-down!?"

In front of Emma's two set cards, which were totally not trap cards designed to totally wreck Playmaker's strategy, a rather mischievous looking mannequin monster thingy complete with a digital troll smile on its robotic face appeared. Over its chest it was wearing a T-shirt with a target on the front that read, "I set a Trap! ATTACK ME!"

 **Actual Anime Dialogue…**

Ignis: She has two set cards on her field. What's her strategy?

…

"OH GEEZ! I have no idea!" Yusaku sarcastically replied, "I DOUBT she could be setting us up for a trap, hoping we'll just attack her monster! THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY IMPROBABLE!"

"I agree." Ignis replied, looking thoughtful. "I think it would be a good idea to just assume she's bluffing."

"Yeah!" Yusaku snarled, "Why don't I just be a complete retard and attack her right now!?"

"Sounds like a good idea." Ignis agreed, "Which is why I already summoned Cyberse Wizard and ordered him to attack for you."

"WHY YOU LITTLE-!" Yusaku roared.

"I wish my masters weren't complete idiots." Cyberse Wizard sighed as he fired his magic at Altergeist Marionetter, knowing perfectly well what the outcome would be.

"HA HA!" Ghost Girl laughed, "You fell for my trap!"

"Yes…" Yusaku grumbled, "I totally did not see this coming."

"Or should I say…" Ghost Girl continued, "you fell for my HAND trap!"

"What!? You weren't even going to use your face-downs!?" Yusaku sputtered, actually surprised by this revelation.

"Turns out, I don't need to." Ghost Girl smirked, "At least against gullible duelists like you."

"GRRRRRRRRRRR!" Yusaku growled.

"Now behold!" Ghost Girl commanded, "I Special Summon Altergeist Kunqua-Kunqwer-Kunqukik-…you know what, I don't know how to even pronounce or spell this so, SAY HELLO TO ALTERGEIST PONY!"

"'Sup BOI!?" a sort of robo-centaur thingy greeted Cyberse Wizard.

"Uhm…do you mind?" Cyberse wizard asked, trying to get around the centaur lady's rather wide and voluptuous robo-horse body.

"No! No! No!" Altergeist Pony teased, slapping away Cyberse Wizard's staff when he tried to reach around her. "Not today!"

"You know what! Fine! I'm done! I'm done with this stupid duel!" Cyberse Wizard complained. "Just end me already!"

"Sooner than you think!" Ghost Girl promised. "It's my move now, and I'll start by normal summoning a second marionetter and setting another trap before making my move!"

"Your move?" Yusaku asked.

"You could call it my…special technique." Emma whispered in a seductive voice.

Back in the real world, Shoichi was patting at the perspiration building on his forehead with a damp rag, face extremely flushed.

"Behold!" Emma proclaimed, "The circuit that connects to the unknown parallel world! I set my two marionetters and my little pony-…"

"Aint nothin' little about me or my two girls!" Altergeist Pony retorted, proudly puffing out her chest.

"…into the link monsters in order to Link Summon!" Emma continued, proceeding to show off the new really cool Link Summon animation, which did not require her to Jo-jump 8000 or so feet into the air. "Come forth my monster! Link three! **EXTRA THICC PRIMEBANSHEE!** "

"What did you call it?" Yusaku asked, not sure if he'd heard right.

"Altergeist Primebanshee." Emma replied, narrowing her eyes, "Why? What did you think I called it?"

"Erm…Extra Thicc Primebanshee?" Yusaku replied, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Why would you think that's her name?" Emma asked as her scantily-clad 10 out of 10 gorgon woman slithered onto the duel field with her rather voluptuous snake hips. *Drools on keyboard in the middle of typing.*

"Time for momma to give someone a hug." Primebanshee crooned in a thick, husky, purr.

"No reason." Yusaku replied, answering Ghost Girl's question.

"Look, I know it's hard for someone who's hung around Blue Angel to keep his mind out of the gutter, but please try to be a little decent." Ghost Girl nagged. "Now, brace yourself as I summon my **EXTRA THICC** Meluseek.

Yusaku proceeded to hastily clean out his ears as Emma's new monster, a mermaid with a bikini top that showed a lot more top than bikini, and a lower body of a rather voluptuous fish, swam onto the field, holographic indicators showing a very weak ATK power.

"Ha! That mermaid thing you summoned isn't that strong!" Ignis laughed. "Talk about a digital dummy."

"You do realize that ATK isn't everything in this game, right?" Emma asked.

"NOPE! ATK IS EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING I SAY!" Ignis bellowed with total conviction. "EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THERE HAVE _NEVER_ BEEN ANY STRONG MONSTERS WITH LOW ATK!"

"Why does everyone want this dumb A.I. again?" Emma asked.

"Don't you dare call me dumb!" Ignis roared.

 **Actual Anime Dialogue…**

Yusaku: Don't get angry when she's telling the truth.

…

"Instead," Yusaku continued, "be the kind of man who can accept LOTS OF truths about oneself! For instance, in addition to be the single dumbest computer program in all of existence, you should also know that you are also incredibly ugly, weak, useless, annoying, and that nobody even cares about you!"

"Hardy, har, har." Ignis fake-laughed. "How about I tell you some truths about yourself, Playmaker?"

"Oh, no need, I already know I'm awesome." Playmaker replied.

"Are you awesome enough to stop Altergeist Meluseek from attacking you directly and sending your monster to the graveyard?" Ghost Girl asked.

"Am I awesome enough to what now?" Yusaku asked as Meluseek swam over before proceeding to flirt with Cyberse Wizard.

"So…you're saying that if I let you attack Yusaku directly, you _won't_ drag me down and drown me like the original mermaids from mythology?" Cyberse Wizard asked.

"Of course!" Meluseek replied with a totally not insincere smile. "I'm sweet, innocent, pretty, and not the least bit evil."

"I should totally not believe you." Cyberse Wizard sighed, "But, first: I stopped caring about this duel since turn 1, second: drowning would be much better than having to deal with this stupid duel at this point, and third and most important: you're actually kind of hot, so I think I'll take my chances if it means there's even a remote possibility of us hooking up later."

"Aww, thanks Cyberse Wizard. And I promise that I will totally not betray you and drown you for my sick pleasure." Meluseek giggled…before immediately attacking Yusaku directly, betraying Cyberse Wizard, and dragging him down to a watery grave.

"Still worth it!" Cyberse Wizard gurgled while Meluseek giggled like a maniac above him.

"Ignis…did you ever wonder why I hate all anime women?" Yusaku asked.

"Because they all invariably want to kill you?" Ignis asked.

"BECAUSE THEY ALL INVARIABLY WANT TO KILL ME!" Yusaku agreed before Altergeist Marionetter proceeded to wrap strings around his limbs, hoist his body in the air, and use Yusaku's own arms to punch himself in the face.

"And now it's time for the final attack!" Ghost Girl proclaimed. "Prepare to be finished when my **EXTRA THICC PRIME BANSHEE SMOTHERS YOU WITH HER BREASTS!** "

"I am seriously doubting that I am mishearing you at this point!" Yusaku roared as Emma's ace monster slithered forward to constrict him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Momma's gonna take good care of her little boys." Primebanshee purred, arms and tail reaching out.

"Oh my gosh…death by a girl's embrace…" Ignis mused, "I would be so turned on right now WE'RE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT WE'RE BOTH ABOUT TO DIE!"

"Yeah, now would probably be a good time for a cliffhanger." Yusaku agreed.

"Yep, definitely time for a cliffhanger!" Ignis agreed as Primebanshee inched ever nearer. "Come on now! Any time would be good! HURRY! HURRY! WHY ISN'T THE ENDING THEME-…?"

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

Ignis: …playing? Phew. Thank you!

 **You're welcome, Ignis. And now, how did you all enjoy this chapter? Did you all miss me? Admit it, you all missed me. Well don't worry! I am never leaving you or this series! I will always be with you all! When you're sleeping! When you're bathing! When you're in the bathroom! YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE THIS SERIES!**

 **So keep reading and be sure to leave me good reviews for the sake of your own well-being. And now, speaking of reviews, let's get on to the reviews from the last chapter!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 11 . 22h ago

Oi! Season 2 of Vrains has already begun. Would you be so kind to...GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! We army of fans have been waiting! And don't think that the robo-dragons will protect you. I will Final Flash you all with Gandora The Dragon of Destruction! Please update soon! This cannot end now!

 **Donny: I'm glad I could hire you for my personal security, Varreload and Varrelguard. As you know, there are a lot of angry fans who would tear me limb-from-limb for our slow update times were it not for the protection you provide.**

 **Varreload: Oh, it's no trouble really. Those little pests wouldn't actually dare to approach us.**

 **Varrelguard: *In TFS Cooler's voice* And you would know about being a little pest, wouldn't you, Varreload.**

 **Varreload: Shut up, Brother! I'm busy being intimidating.**

 **Varrelguard: Oh right, I forgot. How thoughtless of me. It's just that it's** ** _very_** **hard to tell when someone like you is being intimidating or not.**

 **Varreload: GRRRRRRRRR!**

 **Donny: Your personal sibling rivalries aside, I think we can take it easy and relax for several more months knowing that none of our readers will disturb us, least of all Lindia Fullmoon!**

 **Donny, Varreload, and Varrelguard: *Toast before laughing maniacally***

 **Donny: Ah, yes. We are perfectly safe, and absolutely nothing can…harm…*sees something big and bright heading his direction* is that a final flash?**

 **Varreload: Oh…**

 **Varrelguard: …****!**

 ***An explosion engulfs them all, forcing Donny to publish early.***

 **So yeah, don't worry! Like any abridged series, there will be some wait time, but I am still doin it, and relatively fast for most abridged series! LOOKING AT YOU DBZ ABRIDGED! WHEN'S THE NEXT EPISODE!?**

Lord yuri chapter 11 . Jun 10

Yusaku and Emma i wonder if they could be brothers

 **Emma: Ok, first of all, I can't be Yusaku's brother because GIRL! And second of all, ewwwwwwwwww! Yusaku my brother!?**

 **Yusaku: I'm not sure about how I'd feel about it either. If that happened and you and Shoichi ended up hooking up…**

 **Shoichi: Then I'd basically be your…daddy!**

 **Yusaku: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

Cipher Drake chapter 11 . May 22

Hello...

I want to take this opportunity to say that I am in a mental hospital because of you.

And Blue Angel? Could ya squeeze me in your schedule next month?  
I wanna show you how to have a good timeTwirls rope with demented laughter).

 **Hello…**

 **Donjusticia wanted to take this opportunity to offer you his condolences…before destroying your mind even more with this latest chapter.**

 **Blue Angel: But on the bright side, I'd be MORE than happy to enter your basement dungeon! Mind if I bring along some of my friends?**

 **Holly Angel, Sweet Devil, Bloody Marry, Lycoris, Bella Madonna, and Delfiendium: *All eagerly wielding various torture weapons***

 **Blue Angel: They all have very good…technique. *Licks her lips before conjuring her whip***

Esteban chapter 11 . May 20

Holy shit, how is this much hilarious material from one person?! I'm envious. I can't wait for next chapter. Speaking of next...Hey Blue Angel, could you ease up on me next time we go out? N-not saying I didn't like it, I just...well, you know. How about I pick the daily activities and you pick the afternoon ones? That way we can both get some...enjoyment out of this. I mean, I have a pretty decent amount of stamina , but even I can't last THAT long.

 **Ever wonder how to pack more hilarious material into YOUR fanfiction than Emma packs money into her purse?**

 **Yusaku: not really.**

 **WELL WONDER NO MORE! With Donny's guide on how to steal jokes from other abridged series and get away with it, YOU TOO can look hilarious to your friends!**

 **Shima: I used to just be a boring background character. But thanks to Donny's guide, I can now quote all the best jokes from Team Four Star and look like a freaking genius!**

 **Teacher: Mr. Naoki! For the last time, I told you that you are in school! Get back to studying!**

 **Shima: Uhm…I need an adult…**

 **Teacher: I am an adult.**

 **Students: *All begin laughing hysterically* So original!**

 **Blue Angel: Awwwwwwwwwwww, but my "friends" *indicates all her Trickstar monsters* had a fun activity planned once we finished with Cipher Drake!**

Tiny Kitten chapter 11 . May 10

Playmaker: that's not the worm.

Girl: Pardon?

Playmaker: that's not the worm. That's his tongue.

Girl: ...Ohhhhhh... This is the tongue and the whole thing is the...worm... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Both run away.

Hey Mr. Shooty Dragon can you and your robo dragon pals perhaps be involved in a survival game. I'm sure you boys (ehem and girl. I did not forget about you Topological Bomber Dragon) would love to make those puny mortals scream their pants off! Wah ha ha ha ha!

 **Varreload: First, call me "Shooty" again, and I'll "Strange Trigger" you and make you punch yourself in the face so fast that your next review will come from a hospital bed. Secondly…the problem with Topo and I doing a "Survival Game" together would be the fact that it becomes less of a "Survival Game" and more of a…how would you put it, Topologic?**

 **Topologic Bomber Dragon: "Pest Control Game."**

 **Varreload: Yes, that's it.**

Guest chapter 11 . May 10

I wonder how Soulburner is going to be like in this abridged series.

Soulburner: Ima gonna burn you all with fire!  
Flame: no mercy!

...oh...dear

 **Takeru H.: Oh, ho, ho! Anxious for the** ** _true_** **main character to finally make his appearance, I see? Well, have no fear my fans! For while you all suffer through the drudgery of having to watch the annoying Playmaker bungle up his adventures, you can always relieve yourself by calling on me, Soulburner, to give you the true joy and entertainment you deserve.**

 **Yusaku: Who the flip are you?**

 **Takeru H.: Who am I!? WHO AM I!? Well, I'm glad you asked that! How about I introduce myself, with a song!**

 **Yusaku: Oh please Egyptian Gods no!**

 **Takeru H.: "T" is for "Terrific!" all my fans and sponsors!**

 **"** **A" is for my "awesome" Ritual and Fusion monsters!**

 **"** **K" for "Kick-A**" dueling, which will be televised.**

 **"** **E" is for how "eager" you are, so allow me to reprise!**

 **"** **R" is for "resplendent" just listen to my song!**

 **"** **U" is for my "unveiling" that I've waited for so long!**

 **"** **H" is for the "happiness" upon you I'll bestow.**

 **My name is Takeru H., and I'd like to say, hello!**

 **Flame: And I'm flame!**

 **Takeru H.: Shut up Flame. *Shoves the Ignis aside* Donny hasn't figured out a funny enough character for you yet.**

 **Blood Shepherd: *in a VERY thick Spanish Accent* But Por Que is nobody asking about the character of the magnificent PASTOR DEL SANGRE *A Spanish guitar plays in the distance before being punctuated with the crack of a whip* Blood Shepherd!? You all must be loco to not want to immediately meet El Magnifico Blood Shepherd! I will shoot you all now on the count of tres unless you all immediately arrepentirse de sus pecados and demand that Donny immediately finds a way to write me into the next chapter!**

 **UNO! *Snaps fingers***

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 11 . Apr 27

Ignis: I'm your white mage. And NOBODY $&* with the white mage. *Gets killed instantly by a sniper.*

-Hears down!

-Need a Rez!

-Out of mana!

AAAAAAAHHHHH!  
AAAAAAAHHHHH!  
AAAAAAAAHHHH!

 **Donny's guide on how to rip off Team Four Star and look like a genius! In stores now!**

alanvaladez chapter 11 . Apr 26

Haha nice filler lol. So, what's next? A Fast And Furious like chase sequence o. D-Boards? Haha xD  
P.D. You were the one who challenged me to this, so blame yourself.

 **NEVER AGAIN! I AM NOT DOING IT AGAIN! GOT IT!?**

Rebel28426 chapter 11 . Apr 21

Great chapter!  
Yusaku: are you kidding me! That was hell! And apparently I'll have to go though this at least three more times! Please don't tell Aoi or Blue Angel that I said that.  
Anyway, keep up the crazy work. And please do a SAO abridged and Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains abridged crossover with SWE!

 **Blue Angel: Uhm…Yusaku…you do realize that Aoi and I can read these reviews…right?**

 **Aoi: Aoi thinks that Playmaker chose a rather foolish venue to voice his frustration.**

 **Blue Angel: *Sighs* Whelp, it looks like it's another week in the basement dungeon for him.**

 **Yusaku: Take one step closer, and I will NOT save you from Specter!**

 **As for your request, I doubt I'll be able to contact SWE for something like that, but this December, I AM planning on *static* so stay tuned for that!**

maths1500 chapter 1 . Apr 21

GREAT STORY. THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED TO READ. YUGIOH VRAINS ABRIDGED. But seriously, this is actually funny and im just at chapter 1. Yugioh vrains is already my favourite anime because of the insane combos they doYusaku's background story and motives. (AT EPISODE 41-43 THERE WERE SO MUCH LINK SUMMON IN LIKE 1-2 CARDS COMBO) Keep up the excellent work. Also, Ignis isnt like Astral but could be like Number 96 (because he is literally Astral in black and purple color. Hes also a GOD.)

 **Ignis: Well I'm glad SOMEONE recognizes my divinity. You may worship at my altar now, maths1500. As for your comment on Number 96…who the heck is that guy?**

 **Number 96: Come now…Ai…surely you haven't forgotten your 4** **th** **cousin thrice removed, have you?**

 **Ignis: Oh…Darkmist? I thought our similar color schemes was purely coincidental.**

 **Number 96: They were…at least until maths1500 posted this review. Now Donny is starting to get some PRETTY WEIRD ideas.**

 **Ignis: Oh no…**

Unknowedz chapter 11 . Apr 21

1\. Unknowedz: Well, in PUBG, I can definitely say that only Go and Ignis...  
* Aoi raises her belt *  
Unknowedz: ...and Aoi...  
* Blue Angel raises her whip *  
Unknowedz: ... and Blue Angel are the only competent ones in the team. That just means that Yusaku sucks. Here is what I think: It's impressive that Go could survive so long without having anything, even better that he killed so many. As for Ignis, where did he get all that fuel? Regardless, he is a nightmare for every PUBG player.. Aoi... she fought well at every moment of disadvantage. Blue Angel... erm... she is a great team player and finally Yusaku, is a useless leader that instead got carried by Blue Angel and Aoi. How many kills did he get? 0 kills?  
2\. Flashbacks are Yusaku's weakness!  
3\. Well, what if Revolver was watching all of Yusaku's game plays?  
4\. I forgot to ask this but how is everyone' so opinion on their dub names? Yusaku's virtual dub name is definitely Playfaker.

 **1: Yusaku: Look, just because the tag I got at the end of the game read "Cannonfodder" does not mean I was completely useless.**

 **Blue Angel:** ** _My_** **tag read "destined to get with Playmaker."**

 **Aoi: But that's what** ** _my_** **tag read!**

 **Blue Angel and Aoi: *Begin glaring at one another***

 **2: Yusaku: They're not my weakness, they're just annoying.**

 **Ignis: Yeah. Like, remember that one time in chapter eleven where we wasted the entire first half reminiscing about everything?**

 **Yusaku: *Begins melting into a puddle* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!**

 **3: Ryoken: *Munching on a sack of potato chips while watching a live-stream of all of Yusaku's games***

 **4: DUB NAME PREDICTIONS! PLACE YOUR DUB NAME PREDICTIONS HERE! WHAT KIND OF ZANY NAMES WILL THEY COME UP WITH FOR YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS!?**

 **Emma: I'm guessing, since Emma is totally not English enough, that they will change it to "Spazzy-B," or something like that.**

 **Aoi: *cracking her knuckles* Aoi's name will remain the same no matter what the company executives try to pull.**

 **Akira: Forrest Gump! Please change my name to Forrest Gump!**

 **Blood Shepherd: I am confused as to why they wish to change my name to "LambyLambyDanceFighter"**

 **Queen: Just so long as** ** _I_** **end up with Akira, I mean, Forrest Gump, in the end, I am perfectly fine with being called anything.**

ThePLOThand chapter 11 . Apr 21

I tried it again, but Reading fanfic without music has become very difficult for me, and this is the last time I considered that.  
And instead of a BGM-list, I will give you Random characters reacting to VRAINS, Bonus points, if you know where they are from:  
Red:...  
Zamasu: I agree with about humanity, too bad I already took another ningens Body.  
Keebo: This show is very robophobic! I need to take legal action!  
Doge: such cardgame, very AI, much Playmaker  
shwe: Why am I not here?  
Uganda Knuckles: Revolver does not know de way.  
And how dare they not name the last code talker Recode Talker? Dammit Konami, this was your chance to make up for the lack of Aromage Lavender!  
Also why do Link spells feel like VRAINS' version of Dark Synchro?  
Speaking of which, what would the dark version of Link summoning be?  
Dark Disconnect summoning?

 **It's called Dark Bind. Read "Beyond the Pendulum" by "bladeWriter3" if you want to see them in action.**

 **And I have NO idea who those characters are.**

bladeWriter3 chapter 11 . Apr 20

And this concluded the first filler episode, but with have three more to go, and that's just from Season 1, who knows how many we'll be getting in Season 2.

Side Note: If Soulburner doesn't scream "Shingeki no Kyojin!" At the top of his lungs when he makes his debut, I will be very disappointed.

Weaboo!Ruri: And I will be disappointed if my Yusaku/Ryoken/Takeru three some doesn't become cannon.

Dark Signer!Ruri: Would you get back in here!

Hilarious as always, favorite part would have to be Yusaku's reaction to the fact this chapter wasn't cannon and that he still has to wear the suit.

Never thought I'd say this, but I look forward to the next filler time. I think a part of me just died.

 **Takeru H.: SHINGEKI NO KYOUJIN!**

 **Flame: What are you doing?**

 **Takeru H.: Oh, just practicing for my big season 2 debut.**

 **Meanwhile, in Weaboo Ruri's fanfiction…**

 **"** **Playmaker…you are the greatest foe I have ever faced." Revolver acknowledged, face extremely sweaty from their passionate duel.**

 **"** **You aren't that bad yourself." Playmaker Agreed, bodysuit clinging to his hard chest muscles.**

 **"** **But that's why I'm also here." Soulburner proclaimed, wiping his own sweat from his brow before shaking more perspiration from his flowing hair. "Because I will stand by Playmaker no matter what!"**

 **"** **Huh, such deep bonds you two have with each other." Revolver mused, full lips pressed together in a contemplative expression. "I wonder if, in some alternate universe, we could have, all three of us, perhaps, been friends."**

 **"** **It doesn't have to be this way." Playmaker breathed, holding out his hand to Revolver.**

 **"** **We can create a better world together!" Soulburner agreed, taking off his shirt before also offering Revolver his thick, meaty, sweat-stained hand.**

 **"** **Yes!" Revolver agreed. "We don't have to be enemies, from now on we can be-…**

 ***pause here as Donny clutches his gut and proceeds to vomit on the carpet, completely unable to continue with Weaboo Ruri's yaoi lemon AU, which seemed like a hilarious concept at the time, but now is something Donny regrets publishing more than ANYTHING he has ever published, and THAT'S saying something!***

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 11 . Apr 20

Much as Aoi's yandereness entertains me, I'm afraid that Yusaku seems to have the hots for Ryoken instead. He also has attracted the attention of Takeru, from what the OP suggests (I am refraining from saying his last name due to my fears that doing so will create a horrific collapse of the space-time continuum from someone just as crazy as Aoi).

Odd: WHY AM I THE GUY SUFFERING HERE?!

Yusaku: I feel your pain.

Ahhh...do not fear Donjusticia, Odd will suffer in Garage Kids as well.

Odd: I DON'T WANT TO HAVE [Redacted]'s voice in my head! Help! Help! This guy's nuts!

Didn't really get the other Let's Plays because I don't play video games. So...yeah...overall just skipped over the filler chapter. Except for the IFSCL plug. As a member of Project Eradication, I must spread the word somehow.

 ***Still vomiting from the thought of the three-way yaoi pairing***

Mefist Dragon chapter 11 . Apr 20

Shootingcode: Forsooth! Thou shall tasteh unforgiving justice from thine sharpened arrow! Steel thyself, villain!

Excode: Bro, why ya talk so funny?

 **Yep! It's decided. We'll go with that voice for Shootingcode.**

 **Thank you all for your continued support! I'll be going back to SoR to complete another epic chapter, but once that is done (or halfway done) I will be coming back to this! See you then!**


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Altergeist Prime Banshee: The following is an extra cuddly, non-profit, sweet hot meaty piece of fanboy-made parody. Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS is owned by some especially sexy men and very well-endowed women in Studio Gallop. Please…help us to continue supporting you, by supporting us in return…with your money.**

 **Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged!**

 **Emma: Time to "Ocean's Eight" this bad boy into my bank account!**

 **Kitamura: Not if my superior brains and advanced A.I. security "Princess Bride" you all into my personal pit of despair! Nya! Haw! Haw! Haaaaaaaaaaw!**

 **Emma: Dang it! A gust of non-existent virtual wind! My only weakness! I guess I'll just have to recruit some suckers as "Leverage."**

 **Akira: And I'll use the opportunity to help Emma as a chance to "Count of Monty Cristo" my business rival!**

 **Hayamoo: And while ya'll do that, I'll "Infinite MENT" my way into ya'lls hearts!**

 **Queen: Not if I offend all the readers first by being another flat Akira love interest "Nisekoi" style!**

 **Readers: *triggered* FIX QUEEN'S CHARACTER RIGHT NOW!**

 **Donjusticia: *Hastily types at his computer***

 **Queen: Hi! I'm Queen! And despite the fact that I've done literally NOTHING in canon, other than appear in ONE EPISODE in my bathing suit to tell Akira to "find Playmaker," apparently, my character is so gosh darn sacred that I am beyond lampooning! Thus, I am no longer merely "Queen!" I am now, "Super Mega Ultra Turbo Empress Independent Don't Need No Akira Amazoness 'Zina Warrior Princess' Queen!"**

 **Readers: Yaay! Now Donny is taking Queen's character seriously!**

 **Donjusticia: LOL! NOPE! *rewrites script***

 **Queen: I'M A DITZY SPOILED SCHOOL GIRL FROM "ABSOLUTE DUO" WHOSE ONLY CHARACTER TRAIT IS "I LIKE AKIRA!" NOW NOTHING WILL STAND IN MY WAY OF WINNING THAT RETARDED HAREM PROTAGONIST'S LOVE ONCE I SEDDUCE HIM IN MY BATHING SUIT!**

 **Emma: You do that. I, meanwhile, will have a "Fast and Furious" date with Playmaker!**

 **Yusaku: Can I please opt out of Emma's duel and all these movie and cartoon puns?**

 **Kusinagi: Not unless you want to play "The Hunger Games" when I stop feeding you.**

 **Yusaku: *Sigh* Ok, so what opponent will I have to duel this time?**

 **Emma: ME! For some reason?**

 **Yusaku: And what's your deck?**

 **Emma: Ever hear of "Monster Musume?"**

 **All of Emma's Altergeists: THICC!**

 **Yusaku: Please just "Final Destination" me!**

 **Prime Banshee: Come to "Mamma Mia!"**

 **Ignis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged Theme Song**

 **(but NAME THIS ANIME!)**

 ***Open with diagrams showing the mythological Altergeist monsters.***

 **Guruguru mawaru kono hoshi wa kibun'ya no zokusei de**

 ***Cut to Altergeist Kunquery in bed before waking up and preparing for her day*  
yoru demo asa ga kireba kimochi mo tsuide ni RISETTO!**

 ***cut to a shot of all the altergeists studying together in school.*  
jugyouchuu toka bukatsu demo toki ni koi ni ochitari  
marude DORAMA mitai na sawagashiku tanoshii planet **

***Cut to Cyberse Wizard looking heartbroken when Melussek rejects him, and drowns him***

 **tatta ichido kyou to iu hi ga mou nido to konai nante  
fushigi da yone mainichi subete SUPESHARU nanda naa **

***Show more slice of life clips of Altergeists being happy…as they totally wreck the lives of other duelists…***

 **ni, shite wa jiken saemo ROMANSU mo chiisame  
iwayuru nichijoukei? kousatsu shite mita.**

 **sora o yuke! chi o kakenuke! umi o kirisaite!**

 ***Suddenly change pace by switching to an RPGesque world in which the Altergeist are armed with these Bad-A weapons and engaging in epic fights against other monsters!*  
kamigami tachi mo zawameku hodo no masaka no kyuutenkai!  
saidan ni narabu onna no ko wa SS rea  
gousei sareru michi naru shuzoku BARANSU mo taisetsu—**

 ***The epic battle concludes with an epic explosive blast from Altergeist Prime Banshee's attack***

 **futoshita koto chotto shita koto de mirai wa shinka shiteku  
manabitai no oshiete darwin jigen wa hitotsu... **

***Switch back to the slice of life clips…for some reason? Before concluding with clips of Altergeist Kunquery*  
na wake nai jan!**

 **na wake nai jan!**

Chapter 13: Altergeist no Nayami

Shoichi sat at his computer, deeply contemplating a high-tech computer simulation that showed, unequivocally, that if Emma's 2100 ATK Altergeist Prime Banshee attacked Yusaku directly while he had 1900 LP, that he would, in fact, most probably, lose.

"Why the heck do I need a computer simulation to tell me basic math?" Shoichi asked, not suspending an ounce of disbelief and taking things way too seriously.

His eyes glanced at the symbol at the bottom right of the screen, showing that the footage was being recorded.

"Oh, right." Shoichi remembered, "This is my chance to record Yusaku's first loss and rub it in his face! TAKE HIM DOWN EMMA!"

"TAKE HIM DOWN PRIME BANSHEE!" Emma ordered as her voluptuous snake woman ace monster (which Donjusticia totally hasn't made his 48th monster card waifu and placed right next to Leo Dancer on a giant shrine that doesn't exist), prepared to hug Yusaku to death, and possibly beat him, at least according to the highly complex computer simulations.

"Please tell me you figured out something since the last update!" Ignis squeaked.

"Do you really think that I don't have a highly situation-specific counter up my sleeve right now?" Yusaku asked.

"Well you haven't played it yet!" Ignis whined. "Play it now!"

"Now, Ignis old buddy, you know better." Yusaku sneered, "You can't just tell someone to play a card without saying the magic words! That would be impolite!"

"PLEASE!" Ignis roared.  
"Please, what?" Yusaku asked.

"PLEASE PLAY IT, OH SUPREME OVERLORD PLAYMAKER WHO I AM NOT WORTHY TO EVEN SPEAK TO!" Ignis wept.

"Fine, fine." Yusaku grunted. "Yeesh. Even your groveling is boring."

"Time to give momma some sugar, boys." Prime Banshee purred.

"Yeah…how about 'no.'" Yusaku grunted. "Hand trap no jutsu!"

Epically throwing a card onto his duel disk, Yusaku proceeded to summon…uhm…a switch board…with some plug-ins?

"What the heck is that thing and what does it do?" Emma asked, completely confused.

"Lockout Guardna does whatever I need it to." Yusaku replied with a smirk. "The most important thing, of course, being the fact that it makes it so you absolutely cannot win, no matter what you do."

"OH MY GOSH THIS IS SUCH A BRILLIANT PLAN!" Ignis screamed, "BY SUMMONING LOCKOUT GUARDNA IN ATTACK POSITION, YOU ARE PRACTICALLY INVITING GHOST GIRL TO ATTACK, THUS REDUCING OUR LIFE POINTS BELOW 1000 AND ENABLING US TO PULL A 'RANDOM' GAME WINNING CARD FROM THE DATA STORM! OH MY GOSH THAT'S SO BRILLIANT, GHOST GIRL WON'T SUSPECT A THING!"

"Why did you scream that!?" Yusaku roared.

"Sorry, I was excited." Ignis apologized.

"Whelp, I'm definitely not falling into that trap." Emma shrugged. "So, I'll just end my turn. Good luck pulling a Deus ex Machina with those Life Points!"

"Ai, I swear to non-existent God!" Yusaku roared.

"Hey, I'm not the one who relies on getting his butt kicked in order to unlock his best power." Ignis retorted.

"I _do not_ need Storm Access to win!" Yusaku retorted.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Ignis smirked. "Wanna bet on that? Loser has to wear a hotdog suit for _another…_

"And muted!" Yusaku roared. "And now that that annoying program is out of the way, it's time for me to make my epic comeback!"

"Not before I activate Altergeist Protocol to counter everything you do." Emma retorted, activating yet another of her face-downs.

"I will not allow myself to be stopped by your booby traps!" Yusaku snarled.

"HA!" Ignis laughed, managing to restore volume to his voice, "You said 'traps!'"

"That's not the joke, Ai." Yusaku deadpanned. "You're supposed to say, 'you said 'booby.'"

"And you just said it. Twice now." Ignis sneered.

"Speaking of," Emma sighed, rolling her eyes, "I activate the effect of my Prime Banshee, tributing my Meluseek in order to summon my **EXTRA THICC** Silquitous."

"Awck! Insert reference to Papi from 'Monster Musume' here!" Emma's bird girl monster squawked in a parrot-like voice.

"How about instead, I insert Backlinker into my monster zone and tribute it in order to completely wreck your Prime Banshee!?" Yusaku retorted, summoning a cartoon dragon-thingy with CRAZY eyes before tributing the abomination.

"Yeah, remember what I said about countering literally everything you tried to pull?" Emma asked, effortlessly countering the effect with Protocol.

"Oh, I remember." Yusaku smirked, summoning a robo doggo, "Which is why I prepared a workaround with my highly situation-specific Striping Partner, whose effect only activates if a Cyberse Monster activates its effect before having that effect be negated."

"Wow. Sounds like you'll use that card literally NEVER again." Emma mused.

"Oh, believe me, I don't even know what half the cards in my deck do." Yusaku admitted. "I just seem to draw whatever situation specific effect I need at the exact moment I need it. I'm awesome that way."

"Yeah, you keep telling your ego that." Emma replied, "I'm just gonna use Papi's effect to return my own protocol and your striping partner to your hand."

"Don't you dare!" Yusaku roared.

"Awck! Don't you dare! Don't you dare!" Silquitous squawked.

"You shut up." Yusaku mumbled.

"You shut up! You shut up! You shut up! AWCK!" Silquitous repeated.

"No, you shut up!" Ignis roared.

"No, you shut up! No, you shut up!" Silquitous sang in Ignis's voice.

"I mean it!" Ignis growled. "I'm not gonna tolerate this for one more minute!"

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?" Silquitous retorted in a perfectly normal feminine voice.

"Remember what I said about Lockout Guardna doing literally whatever I needed it to?" Yusaku asked, "Well now I activate its second effect, which I totally didn't just ink in with a permanent marker! I negate not only your bird girl's effect, but her ability to mimic speech!"

"AWCK! Mimic speech! Mimic speech! Mimi-... OH COME ON!" Silquitous griped as her voice slowly faded into her normal speech patterns.

"Hah! You wasted that effect!" Emma retorted. "I still have my Prime Banshee and TONS of other cards! How the heck do you plan to counter all of them, genius?"

"By doing the only thing I know how to do!" Yusaku retorted. "I, using my all-purpose Lockout Guardna, and highly situational striping partner, create the link circuit in order to RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK SHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKAN!"

"Oh no! A link summon!" Emma exclaimed in a totally not sarcastic and melodramatic tone, "How could I have ever seen this coming!? I sure hope I have something to counter this move!"

"CIRCUITO COMBINED!" Yusaku roared, "RINK SHOUKAN! Behold my new Link Monster! I call forth the power of this…"

His Link Monster appeared.

It was _very_ underwhelming.

"…sort of…watch…top…thingy?" Yusaku continued, wondering if he had made a mistake.

"I think you need to use the data storm now." Ignis smirked.

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku roared, "I don't need to use the data storm, because I'm first gonna summon this Bad-A looking knight thing to my link monster's bottom link point before using its effect to reduce your Prime Banshee's ATK!"

"Because no monster with low ATK can ever be powerful!" Ignis agreed. "Point proven!"

"You've proven that you're a complete sucker." Emma snorted, "I activate my face-down Altergeist Camouflage in order to put a Klingon cloaking device on my monster!"

"Yeah, well I ride my vanguard in order to upgrade him to a grade three!" Yusaku countered.

"Your grade three vanguard will never get past my defenses! I tap my Island to play Counterspell before declaring 'blocker!'" Emma shot back.

"You seem to have already forgotten that my monster is a 'triple breaker!'" Yusaku retorted.

"Triple Breakers mean nothing against minions with 'Taunt!'" Emma argued.

"Ahh, but you didn't take into account 'Trample' and 'Deathtouch!'" Yusaku lectured.

"Completely useless against 'Flight' and 'Lifesteal!'" Emma smirked.

"Get it! Critical Trigger!" Yusaku laughed triumphantly.

"Get it! Heal Trigger!" Emma whooped.

"Checkmate!"

"Uno!"

"GO FISH!"

"B.S.!"

"HIT ME!"

"BINGO!"

"I STILL HAVE MY BATTLESHIP!"

"BUT I HAVE A HOTEL ON BOARDWALK!"

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING!?" Ignis wailed, completely lost.

"We're playing, 'Kick the Mai Valentine Knock-Off's Butt!" Yusaku replied, "And I'm about to win once I pay one-thousand life points to use my ultimate technique!"

"You mean your only technique that ever works, which, by the way, I GAVE you!" Ignis grumbled. "Also, told you so."

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku roared, "It's awesome time!"

"Oh, but you look so injured." Emma exclaimed, "Here, let me heal you with my skill. I activate my skill, 'Naughty Nurse Cosplay' in order to raise both our life points. Hopefully you weren't planning on using some skill with your life points that low."

"Okay, first, jerk move," Yusaku grumbled. "second of all, stupidest skill ever next to Blue Angel's, makes me think it was designed specifically to counter me…"

Emma smirked.

"And third and most importantly," Yusaku continued, "it doesn't matter anyway, because all of a sudden, my deck is CHOCK FULL of cards that require me to pay bookoo life points to activate their effects!"

"Seriously?" Emma asked, looking annoyed.

"Say hello to MY naughty nurse, Scan Doll!" Yusaku declared, summoning a robotic nurse doll with a rather scary looking terminator eye in the center of its head.

"Hello?" Emma asked, as Yusaku's monster leered at her.

"Ready for your…physical?" Scan Doll asked, snapping on a pair of rubber gloves.

"Scan Doll is a _very_ naughty robo-girl." Yusaku smirked, "Not only does she like to punish me by making me pay one-thousand life points, but she does it so that she can steal your Trap Card! SLAP ME UP NOW, SCAN DOLL!" Yusaku begged.

"You really got messed up in Aoi's basement dungeon, didn't you?" Emma consoled.

"Yeah, pretty much." Yusaku shamefully admitted before screaming in agony as Scan Doll performed her "physical examination" before activating Emma's own Camouflage to make Silquitous disappear.

"Seriously?" Silquitous whined, "First my effects are negated, and now this!? Why do people keep treating me like this? It's like I'm invisible or…"

Her voice slowly faded away with her body.

"Thanks Scan Doll," Yusaku panted, "I owe you one."

"Oh, you did NOT just flirt with another virtual girl." Blue Angel growled from the shadows, conjuring her whip as multiple plans to "punish" Yusaku began forming in her head.

"Now I just need a big data storm to blow by." Yusaku mused, before looking around at the calm empty virtual city.

"Anytime now would be great!" Yusaku roared. "Come on! Start blowing already!"

"Oh, Yusaku, come now." Ignis smirked, "You know that isn't polite. You have to say the magic words first."

"I will destroy you." Yusaku warned.

"Maybe, maybe." Ignis admitted, "But then again, maybe Ghost Girl will destroy you, and then I'll get to be her slave for a change."

"And you're okay with that?" Yusaku asked.

"I'm starting to warm up to her monsters." Ignis explained, wolf whistling to Prime Banshee, who waved back at him.

"I promise to take good care of you." Said Emma, winking at Ignis.

"Just hang on until this loser ends his turn!" Ignis replied.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND I'M NOT LOSING!" Yusaku roared, "And besides, Ignis, she had her fingers crossed behind her back when she said that."

"Did not!" Emma protested, uncrossing her fingers.

"Whatever hair-brained scheme you were planning to enact by beating me is never going to work." Yusaku continued, "Because I swear to whatever higher power exists out there, that I will delete this son of a data storm," he pointed at Ignis, "unless he makes his own data storm for me, RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh wow! You DID know the magic words!" Ignis gulped, "One data storm coming up! BAZINGA!" he blurted, folding his arms and bobbing his head to instantly conjure a data storm tornado.

Yusaku, of course, being the boss with mad skillz that he was, managed to effortlessly ride the winds. Emma, on the other hand…

"OH NO!" Virtual non-existent wind!" Emma screamed, falling off her board as she got caught in the storm, "MY ONLY WEAKNESS!"

 _"_ _Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! DIE!"_ Yusaku thought to himself with glee as he watched her fall.

"Oh no! Ghost Girl's in danger!" Ignis exclaimed. "Quick, Playmaker! We need to save her!"

"Really?" Yusaku asked, looking confused. "Because, last I checked, I really don't like her."

"You can't just let her die!" Ignis protested, "Or did you already forget about 'The Matrix' rules?"

"Oh, I remember those alright." Yusaku smirked. "Serves her right for thinking she could match my mad skillz. I'll have to remember to throw tornadoes at more of the people I don't like more often."

 _"_ _Need I remind you that I know where your body is in the_ real _world?"_ Shoichi growled in Yusaku's earpiece.

Yusaku grimaced.

 _"_ _I'll take your silence as a 'no.'"_ Shoichi continued, _"But just in case, unless you actually act like a decent person and save my waifu,"_

"Your waifu?" Yusaku asked, in a tone that asked, "Really?"

 _"_ _then you're going to feel more than a slight headache,_ if _you can feel anything at all when I'm done unplugging your brain!"_ Shoichi finished.

"Fine, fine!" Yusaku grumbled, flying forward. "I get it! Sheesh!"

"Ghost Girl! Hold on! We'll save you!" Ignis called.

"Yeah, 'save you,' so we can put you in our debt." Yusaku mumbled to himself before reaching out his arm and gallantly saving Emma from certain death.

"My hero!" Emma breathed, causing Blue Angel to crack her knuckles in the distance. "Of course…if you really think this is going to make me go easy on you…"

"Yeah, I know." Yusaku grumbled. "Which is why I'm doing this! STORMU ACCUSESSUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Reaching out into the swirling data winds with his epic powers, Yusaku suddenly felt a familiar, if not awfully repetitive, presence.

 _"_ _Oh, please Egyptian Gods not him!"_ Encode groaned from Yusaku's Extra Deck.

 _"_ _Bro? Is that you?"_ A voice that sounded like a high-school wrestling jock answered from the winds.

 _"_ _Oh wow! Excode! Bro! How long's it been!?"_ Decode Talker called from the Extra Deck, sounding just as excited.

 _"_ _Decode! My man!"_ Excode replied, _"How's it hangin' brotatochip!?"_

 _"_ _Oh, these guns don't do much hanging, Teddy Brosavelt."_ Encode replied, flexing his muscles.

 _"_ _That's nothing!"_ Excode laughed, _"Check out these cannons, Brofessor!"_

"Why is it that whenever I get a 'random' card from the data storm, it's always one of these idiots?" Yusaku complained to Ignis.

"Don't look at me!" Ignis whined, "It's not like I'm the one manipulating pure coincidence to bring all these dunderheads together!"

 _"_ _Bro! Who you calling a dunderhead?"_ Excode snapped, _"Do you even know who you're talking to!? I'm one of the best code talkers out there!"_

 _"_ _My bro Excode here won the Ojama King award for best troll!"_ Decode agreed.

 _"_ _He also won the unofficial award for most annoying brother."_ Encode murmured to himself.

"I don't care!" Yusaku growled, "Are you powerful?"

 _"_ _Do these cannons look like they've got firepower?"_ Excode asked.

"Good enough for me!" Yusaku decided before grabbing the monster and shoving it into his rather crowded Extra Deck.

 _"_ _You sure you don't wanna use me again?"_ Firewall Dragon asked.

"Who's talking?" Ignis asked, completely confused.

"Must have been the wind." Yusaku shrugged. "But anyway, it's time Emma! The tired and rehashed victory formula you've been waiting for! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK SHOUUUUUUUUUUUKAN! Come forth! My new Deus ex Machina! Eckusucodoh Talkuh!"

"Oh yeah! Time for a gunshow!" Excode whooped, leaping onto the field and flexing his beefy arms like a body builder directing traffic.

"And in case you were wondering, Toast Girl." Yusaku continued.

"Ghost Girl." Emma growled.

"No, it's 'Toast Girl,' and you'll find out why, see, thing is, my Scan Doll has yet another effect. Feminine motivation technique."

"Ooh! You're the strong hunk, aren't you!" Scan Doll giggled, "But I bet you can't actually make TWO attacks in the same battle phase!"

"Betcha I can!" Excode laughed before sitting Scan Doll down on one of his enormous biceps and charging forward.

"Well, to use the words of a certain Playfaker, I think its time for a, HAND TRAP NO JUTSU!" Emma countered.

"IT'S PLAYMAKER!" Yusaku roared.

"See? Not so nice when someone makes fun of your name, is it?" Emma smirked, "Say hello to **MY LITTLE** **EXTRA THICC PONY GIRL!"**

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel My Little Pony's rerun with my Excode Talker's effect! GROUND COLLAPSE NO JUTSU!"

Altergeist Kunqumqat (whatever) attempted to ride onto the field to protect Emma, however, whenever she did, she found herself blocked by one of Excode Talker's massive biceps.

"No, no, no!" Excode Talker laughed, slapping away the centaur girl like a basketball player blocking a shot, "Not today!"

"I have the strangest feeling my own words are being used against me." The robo-centaur mused to herself.

"Really? A monster that blocks monster zones?" Emma exclaimed, "I swear, those Code Talkers of yours are the epitome of random and situational."

"Excode Close." Yusaku wittily retorted, smacking Emma off her board and into the roof of a nearby skyscraper.

 **Emma: 4500 – 4600 = 0 LP (3 Duels away from winning the "Mai Valentine" award for most duels lost as a "seemingly awesome" female character).**

While the readers busily readied their scathing reviews after Donny triggered them yet again with his latest bout of blasphemy, Emma approached Yusaku.

"Wow, I'm honestly impressed." Emma grunted, popping her back. "Provided you can repeatedly get exactly what you need from the Data Storm every time you use it, you're honestly a fairly good duelist."

"Thanks." Yusaku replied. "I _am_ a good duelist. And I'm surprised by your skill as well. You're honestly a pretty second-rate duelist when it comes down to brass tacks."

"Gonna let that slide under the bridge for now." Emma replied, presenting something to Yusaku. "As a prize for 'beating me' here, take this."

"The heck is this?" Yusaku asked, examining the program.

"Shoichi will tell you." Emma promised.

"Great, another mission I have no interest in doing." Yusaku grumbled.

"Oh, I think you'll be interested in this one." Emma replied. "But, either way, I'll see you around. Chau!"

"Remind me," Yusaku grumbled, "what the heck was the point of this whole duel?"

 _"_ _Stop asking questions and start advancing the plot."_ Shoichi snapped from Yusaku's earpiece.

"Aye, aye, Captain Obnoxious." Yusaku grumbled.

 _"_ _That's enough lip from you, Sergeant Sarcastic."_ Shoichi shot back.

"Hardy, har, har." Yusaku sarcastically laughed before logging off.

Once he had logged off, two VERY minor characters, which Donjusticia did not even care about, decided to make an appearance.

"Bruh!" Pigeon exclaimed, "Can you believe it!? Donny completely forgot to include us in these two chapters!"

"Yes, Pigeon, I'm aware." Frog grumbled. "You see, Pigeon, it's a hard truth to accept, but we're basically nothing but comic relief characters in canon, designed to provide the audience with some healthy laughs and relaxation after the dark and serious events that transpire in the series. But in a purely comedic parody like this one, we're pretty much useless and redundant dead weight."

"So, does this mean we have to fade away from relevance?" Pigeon asked.

"Pretty much." Frog sighed.

"Will it hurt?" Pigeon asked.

"Maybe." Frog admitted as Donny snapped the fingers of his Infinity Gauntlet.

"Ow." Frog and Pigeon mumbled in unison before the disappeared from the plot of this series. Forever!

Once that was done, attention turned back to Emma for some final scenes of falling action.

"Phase one of the plan is complete." Emma confidently reported to Akira, who had driven up to her in the tank he'd used in the last chapter. "Now we just have to wait for Yusaku to use the program I gave him and I'll be swimming in cash once I hold the entire company of SOL Tech ransom with their juicy secrets in the palms of my femme fatal hands."

"And then you'll help me become chief of security again?" Akira asked.

"Sure, hon, whatever." Emma replied, only half listening.

"And I'll be there to help out!" Akira's secretary, Hayoomoo, enthused, randomly appearing in this chapter for no reason whatsoever.

"Does this chick really have to be involved?" Emma huffed.

"Wherever Hayummy-scrummy goes, I go too!" Akira proudly proclaimed.

"And where Akira comes, I already came!" Hayuri agreed.

"Ugh, fine." Emma sighed, "Just so long as you don't get in the way. Let's meet at the 'super secret hideout' again and we'll plan our next move."

"So, is that a wrap?" Akira asked.

"Yeah, pretty much." Emma shrugged.

"Because it feels like we need something more to officially end this chapter of our lives." Akira mused.

"Like what?" Emma asked.

"Emma and I can do the ending theme!" Hayambi-yambi dance squealed in excitement.

"Ending theme?" Emma asked, narrowing her eyes.

"CARAMELL DANSEN!" Hayoctopus roared, holding up some outfits, "WITH COSTUMES!"

"No." Emma flatly replied.

"Unfortunately," Akira piped in, suddenly producing some legal documents, "as stipulated in section 18, paragraph 3 in your agreement when you signed on to this mission, I'm afraid that all female characters are contractually obligated to perform the caramall dansen on demand, and it _is_ demanded."

"By WHOM, may I ask!?" Emma growled, cracking her kncuckles.

In the distance, Donjusticia snickered at his keyboard.

"Fine then." Emma groused. "I'll do it. But understand this, Donny, once this is done, I _will_ destroy you."

"NUFF TALKIN' MO' SINGIN' AN' DANCIN'!" Hayamaguchi demanded.

 **For your entertainment**

 **Caramell Dansen**

 **(As performed by Emma and Hayagasaki)**

 ****

 **Emma: We wonder are you ready to join us now?  
Hands in the air we will show you how  
Come and try  
Hayaku: Carmel toppings on the side!**

 **Emma: That's not it! That's not the lyrics!**

 **Akira: MORE SINGING!**

 **Emma: So come and move your hips sing  
Oh-wa-ah-ah!  
Heeyami: Eat some paper clips! DO IT!**

 **Emma: La la la!  
Emma and the other girl: You and me can sing this melody!  
Oa-oa-a!**

 **Emma: Dance to the beat wave your hands together  
Secretary: Eat those paper clips! Fo'ever and fo'ever!  
Emma: Listen and learn it is time for prancing  
Secretary: Now Imma eatin Caramel Toppin'!**

 **Emma: O-o-o-oa-oa  
O-o-o-oa-oa-a...**

 **Hiyameemoomo: *incoherent pig squealing***

 **Emma: From Sweden to UK we will bring our song  
Hoyomi: Listen to it, or we'll smack you in the dong!**

 **Emma: They have heard this means it's all around the world**

 **Oh-oa-oa  
So come and move your hips sing  
Oh-ah-ah-ah  
Huyummy: WHERE MY PAPER CLIPS!? FIND THEM! **

**Emma: La la la  
You and me can sing this melody**

 **Emma and the other chick: So come and dance to the beat wave your hands together  
Hayamama: Now I'm in heat!**

 **Emma: forever and forever?  
Both: Listen and learn it is time for prancing  
Now we are here with Caramell**

 **Hayima: TOPPINS!**

 **Emma: Dance to the beat wave your hands together  
Hayamcha: I need some meat. **

**Emma: Forever and forever!  
Listen and learn it is time for prancing  
Hiyakuza: Well looky here! Some caramel toppins! *shoves her face in a bowl of ice cream***

 **Emma: *disgusted* O-o-o-oa-oa  
O-o-o-oa-oa-a...**

 **Hayoko: *sining with her face in her ice-cream* O-o-o-oa-oa  
O-o-o-oa-oa-om NOM NOM!**

 **Both: So come and dance to the beat wave your hands together  
Feel like you're in heat forever and forever!  
Listen and learn it is time for prancing  
Now we are eating Caramel Toppins!**

 **Dance to the beat wave your hands together  
Feel like you're a NEET forever and forever!  
Listen and learn it is time for prancing  
Now we are eating Caramel Toppins! **

"I hope you all enjoyed that." Said Emma, smiling and waving to the audience. "And now, because Donjusticia forced me to do this, all you good readers out there, if you'll do me a favor, make sure you all go to the review section when you are finished with this and type #ARCVFIXEDNOW!"

"Emma!? ARE YOU CRAZY!?" Donny screamed in panic, "I WAS HOPING MY READERS WOULD FORGET ABOUT THAT SERIES!"

"We can hear them, Donny." Emma whispered, eyes assuming that creepy pupil-less look yanderes get, "The fans have waited long enough!"

 **Well! Since I definitely don't want all of you to be thinking about that, how about I distract you all with my responses to your reviews! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!**

 ****Lord yuri chapter 12 . Jun 15

the only place where yusaku could eat for free ... mmmhh  
with aoi  
or in the trash  
you decide yusaku

 **Yusaku: *Proceeds to scarf down some old buns and hot-dogs from the dumpster next to Shoichi's stand.***

 **Shoichi: *running at him with a broom* GET! GET!**

 **Yusaku: *Hisses like a racoon before grabbing a donut from the trash and scampering away.***

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 12 . Jun 15

Come now, Don, a Yaoi pairing is just the thing to give Yusaku an ACTUAL personality (Yes, I thoroughly consider Yusaku to be so boring and bland, that a Yaoi pairing, a concept I abhor thanks to how many Doujins of it exist, is the only way to give him a character).

Now then, for the chapter itself...it's full of country hicks and idiots (Akira and his secretary). Ironic, since Akira and said secretary are actually appealing characters in canon. I feel for Emma's pain.

...And why did you have to expose me to the thought of Shoichi (Koulter, as the dub calls him) masturbating? No...god no. And why did you have to make Queen part of an idiot's idiot harem? She's too hot for that! NOOOOOOOO!

And the Tentaclusters sadly, were NOT high on hentai (Makes a note to see how much I can get away with Shungas for the ZEXAL flashback in Omen Part III)

Rio: ...Wait, what? NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Speaking of hentai, I get the feeling that Playmaker is now in the midst of dueling...a lot of it, now that I think about it. Sidenote: I like playing Altergeists on YGOPro. I do love me disruption. Back to Yusaku, first he duels a BDSM Yandere, now he fights Monster-Girl MILF. Honestly, that IS a good way to die, now that I think about it.

So yeah. (Please do Queen justice, the idea of this version of Akira procreating horrifies me to now end).

 **Oh, come on! The idea of Akira reproducing isn't THAT horrific!**

 **Akira baby: Duh duh.**

 **Mommy Queen: His first words! I'm so glad we procreated!**

 **Daddy Akira: Duh duh.**

 **Also, you have a YGOpro account? We'll have to arrange a time when we can duel each other. Of course, I'll probably crush you like an insect, just like I did with Unknowedz on Hearthstone.**

 **Donny/Anduin: *Playing another game* AAAAAAAHHHHHH! *explodes***

bladeWriter3 chapter 12 . Jun 15

Don't say I didn't warn you when it came to Weaboo!Ruri's threesome.

Weaboo!Ruri: Could have been worse. I could have requested a fivesome with the additions of Specter and Jin. But I didn't, because A) Specter is on Writer's Hate List, as in the top 10, the people he wants to see condemned to eternal damnation and burn in the unholy fires of hell while he sits back and watches, and B) Come on! We all know Jin isn't a character, he's just plot motivation! He's basically a worse version of Yuzu!

Yuzu: HEY!

I'm with Epsilon Tarantula on the whole Queen thing. Also what happened to the other 3 Chess Pieces after Revolver took over Link VRAINS in Season 1? Though other than that, I see humor abundant as always and will now be going to the eye doctors to have my eyes flushed so I can erase the image of Kusanagi and Emma's conversation from them... again.

Loved Hayami. Can't wait for her Yandere moment...

 **I'm totally gonna claim that you didn't warn me! And I have witnesses! Yandere Ruri, Crazy Ruri, and Weeaboo Ruri, did bladeWriter3 give me any warning whatsoever!?**

 **Yandere Ruri and Crazy Ruri: Nope. Definitely not.**

 **Weeaboo Ruri: You should totally write the next chapter of that fanfic since it's totally innocent.**

 **Yeah! I should totally give it another chance!**

 **Burning Stormy Soul of Extra Linked Passion under the Sunavolon**

 **Chapter 2**

 **"** **I just don't understand my feelings, Specter." Revolver admitted, taking the hands of his oldest and closest friend. "I know that Playmaker and Soulburner stand against my goals, and yet, I feel like we are…kindred spirits. What do I choose? My objectives, or the feelings in my heart?"**

 **"** **You don't have to choose." Specter reassured him. "Just like I didn't have to choose between my love for Sunvine Healer and Jin Kusanagi. Isn't that right, Jin?"**

 **"…"** **Jin agreed.**

 **"** **You're right, Jin!" Revolver agreed. "I don't have to sacrifice my ideals or my passion!"**

 **"** **We'll be with you till the end, Revolver." Yusaku reassured his close friend and rival, placing his hand on his shoulder.**

 **"** **Even if we must be enemies on the battlefield, our five hearts can always burn for one another!" Takeru agreed.**

 **"…"** **Jin breathed, wrapping them all in his embrace as…**

 ***INTENSE AND RELENTLESS VOMITING***

 **Weeaboo Ruri: *Laughs hysterically***

 **Ugh…WRITER! WHY DON'T YOU EVER WARN ME ABOUT THESE THINGS!?**

 **Also, OH COME ON YOU AND EPSILON!? SERIOUSLY!? Really now. Seriously? "Get Queen's Character Right?" WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM A PARODY!? WHERE WAS ALL THIS RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION FOR THE OTHER PARODY CHARACTERS!?**

 **Aoi: Beep boop. I am a robot.**

 **Blue Angel: Yuno Gasai rip-off! With a minor sprinkling of fetish fulfillment!**

 **Akira: My teacher says an IQ score of negative one-hundred and sixty means I'm VERY special.**

 **Hayugi-moto: HOOBLOOBEEBOO!**

 **And I could go on! If you wanted your characters to be "accurately" represented, THEN WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE!? And what "character" does Queen have anyway!?**

 **Reader: Well, she IS hot.**

 **Yes, yes, I'm well aware of how smoking hot old Queeny is. I'm also aware that she's only appeared in ONE EPISODE and said about ONE OR TWO LINES OF DIALOGUE! That's not much "character" for me to go off of, people! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?**

 **Accurate Queen: Oh, I don't know, maybe an acknowledgement that THE BEST COMEDY WORKS BECAUSE IT IS BASED IN PART ON TRUTH!**

 **Quiet Accurate Queen! I'm busy ranting! Everyone knows that you couldn't possibly be even more hilarious if I actually fleshed out your parody character and made you more than a flat harem anime chick. WAIT! I KNOW! I'll actually expand upon the baseline of Abridged Queen's personality, thus making her slightly more than just another harem chick for Akira's idiot harem, while also preserving her comedic value! BRILLIANT! Glad I came up with that all on my own.**

Rebel28426 chapter 12 . Jun 15

Wooooooooo! It's back!  
Yusaku: yay, more suffering for me.  
Akira: what's suffering?  
Aoi: having you for a brother.

 **Akira: So…suffering's a good thing. Right?**

 **Aoi: You keep telling yourself that.**

 **Akira: Ah! Thanks Aoi! I'm gonna make Emma proud by beating Playmaker in a duel now!**

 **Emma: DON'T YOU FREAKING DARE! I WILL NOT LET YOU'RE IDIOCY RUIN MY PLAN!**

Mefist Dragon chapter 12 . Jun 15

Excode: Ooooh yeah! My time to shine! I get to show off my guns! *flexes*

Transcode: Eh, not impressed...Here, this my gun *holds out his rifle*

Excode: ...Bro, that isn't what I meant. 'Sides, Ghost bra is gonna wish she didn't cross me! Although...Her monsters did look at me all kinda funny...

Powercode: ...Oh you poor innocent Cyberse.

 **Excode: WHO YOU CALLING "INNOCENT!?"**

 **Scan Doll: My *snaps on gloves* "physical examination" showed that Exy here has LOTS of…experience.**

Lindia Fullnoon chapter 12 . Jun 17

This is hilarious as always. Thanks for FINALLY updating. Now as for Blood Shepherd...no puedo esperar a verte tambien! Ehem... y lo siento para tu madre. However, don't you dare even think that Iron Man/Winter Soldier shooty arm scares me! If you even DARE double cross me, I will blast your behind with the power of my Lunalight monsters! (Pulls out a bazuca).

 **El Pastor de la Sangre (Bloodshepherd): Gracias, señorita. Y tambien, no puedo esperar, pero, por que no tiene miedo de mi brazo de acero!? I will teach you to fear my steel arm and its fantastic poder! For I am, EL PASTOR DE LA SANGRE! *Spanish guitar and whip lash sound effect* Bloodshepherd!**

 **Donny: *feeling the need to push even more buttons* LUNALIGHT'S SUCK!**

Vrains Fan chapter 12 . Jun 17

Hmmm...how would Ghost Girl and her monsters react if somebody said they might have fake breasts?

Ghost Girl: My breasts are not fake!

Tristan: I don't believe you!

Vrains Fan: Tristen how the heck did you get here?

Tristan: I temporarily teleported here.

Vrains Fan: well I suggest you leave if you don't want to get punished by THEM. (Points to Emma's monsters which frighten Tristen and he leaves.)  
I better leave too...(shiver)

 **Emma: Why is it that people feel the need to make some kind of breast joke whenever I'm on screen?**

 **Akira: *staring* I uh…yeah…I…I seriously don't…uhm…know the reason for that, but I'll be sure to keep you abreast of the situation, I MEAN, make sure I don't get titillated, I MEAN, CLEAVAGE!**

 **Altergeist Prime Banshee:** ** _I_** **don't mind the compliments.**

Tiny Kitten chapter 12 . Jun 17

Hey Ryoken and Homaru! How would you two react meeting each other?!

Also, SERIOUSLY... Ryoken how are you related to your dad?! You have white hair, he has dark hair, you have ocean blue eyes, he has yellow eyes!

Salamangreat Heatlio and Vorreload Dragon give  
off death glares at each other.

Oi you two behave! And no Vorreload Dragon, i'm not in the hospital typing this comment. Your master calls you shooty mic shoot shoot dragon and I can call you mister shooty dragon if want to. Strange Trigger me, I dare you, I DOUBLE DARE YOU! I will THUNDER FORCE you into oblivion with SLIFER THE SKY DRAGON if you try! And he's ten times larger than you...err...longer I should say. Or better yet...Oblisk the Tormentor...and the Winged Dragon of Ra!

 **Dr. Kogami: *standing next to a bunch of test tubes growing Ryoken clones* Don't tell Ryoken. It was hard enough to replace him last time when he learned the truth.**

 **Revolver: I'm sure that I would find just as much pleasure from that encounter as I did when I first met Playmaker. I mean, after all, Soulburner IS just a cheap knock-off of the original.**

 **Takeru: HEY!? I am far more superior as a main character than Playmaker ever was!**

 **Revolver: Yes, you keep telling yourself that, Soulburger.**

 **Takeru: IT'S SOULBURNER!**

 **Varreload: I'm calling your bluff. Everyone knows the Egyptian Gods haven't been played since GX. What makes you think YOU could summon them? *Extends cannon***

Lindia Fullmon chapter 12 . Jun 17

Hey Ryoken! Check this out!

*Ryoken looks in my direction and widens his eyes at the beautiful white creature before him.

Me: Appear! STARDUST DRAGON!

Stardust: roars and sheds glittery stardust.

Stardust Road makes me think of Stardust Dragon! What do you think Ryoken? Isn't he beautiful? You wouldn't hurt this beautiful dragon would you? Hee hee

 **Ryoken: This…dragon…I…*suddenly sees the image of a man next to the dragon* Yusei? Is that you?**

 **Z-One: Nope. Just your grandpa, Z-One.**

 **Ryoken: Oh. I must be hallucinating again.**

 **Yusaku: Wait a second, Z-ONE'S YOUR GRANDPA!?**

 **Ryoken: Well, I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it?**

 **Z-One: Both of us want to destroy all technology and half of humanity.**

 **Yusaku: That does make way too much sense.**

Nox Descious chapter 12 . Jun 20

Blooper 1:

Hiyami: Not unless you wanna see the wild side of me!

Akira: Oh come on! You're just a secretary and a background character who likely won't be dueling at all in this entire show. What's the worst thing you could do?

Hiyami: But I will do ANYTHING for you Akira-sempai! Like in season two when i try to sabotage Soulburner's duel with Go Onizuka by actually trying to KILL Soul Burner just to prevent you from getting demoted again! All the while i sport a face that makes me look like the love child of Vector and Yuno Gasai!

Akira: *reads the script for season 2* Holy Shitake mushrooms you actually do end up doing that!  
Hiyami: Yep! And its a win win for me! If i succeed in killing Soul Burner, then he gets to go to the Graveyard of Canon Sues where he belongs just like Jesse Anderson and Crow Hogan before him and then Nox-Sama will be very happy, and if I fail, then that means you get to... "punish me"

Akira: Ugh... why does SOL Tech always hire idiots and crazy loons?!  
Hiyami: Yeah but SOL Tech hired you, so what does that make you?  
Akira: AN IMPORTANT IDIOT SLASH CRAZY LOON!

Blooper 2:

Employees: REJOICE! KITAMURA IS NOT AKIRA!  
Kitamura: Indeed! Because in actuality, Kitamura is... *takes off rubber mask in dramatic reveal*

Jean Michel Roger: MEEEEEEEEEE! HELLO!  
Employees: OHHHHH NOOOOOOO!  
M Night Shymalan: WHAT A TWEEST!  
Employee: I never saw that one coming!

Roger: Uhhhhh News Flash! All the high ranking executives are named after chess pieces! It was pretty flipping obvious!  
Employee: SO THAT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE FINAL ANTAGONIST OF VRAINS?!  
Roger: Nope! The true mastermind villain of VRAINS is actually!  
Sock Puppet Sergey: MEEEEEE! HELLO!  
Employees: OH NO THAT'S EVEN WORSE! EVERYBODY RUN! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Blooper 3:  
Ai: EVERYONE KNOWS THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A STRONG MONSTER WITH LOW ATTACK! NEVER!

Yubel: ACHOO!  
Thousand Eyes Restrict: ACHOO!  
Zone's Time Lords: ACHOO!  
Number 96 Dark Mist: ACHOO!  
Number 43 Manipulator of Souls: ACHOO! Ugh... Urge to Kill... Rising...

AND SO A NEW ALLIANCE OF VILLANOUS DUEL MONSTERS WAS BORN! UNITED UNDER THE SINGLE PURPOSE! TO KILL AI!

 **Response 1:**

 **Vector: Hey, Yuno…remember that one night all those years ago? We had a few drinks and things got kind of…crazy?**

 **Yuno: Yeah, what about it?**

 **Vector: We have a daughter. *Holds up Hayami***

 **Baby Hayami: B-B-Butt Stab! *holds up knife***

 **Yuno: Her first words!**

 **Response 2:**

 **Don't miss the next episode of VRAINS Abridged! Rise of Sock Puppet Sergey! The Re-Knitting!**

 **Response 3:**

 **Armityle the Chaos Phantasm: Can I join too?**

 **The Thorn Prisoner monsters: And us?**

 **CXyz Barian Hope: LET ME AT THAT IDIOT!**

 **Chimeratech Fortress Dragon: Target identified! Must destroy!**

 **Deep Eyes White Dragon: Destroy the Ignis!**

 **Revolver: Whelp, my job just got a whole lot easier.**

 **Ignis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *turns Yusaku's disk into a drone and flies away as fast as he can***

Unknowedz chapter 12 . Jun 20

Here is a poor quality review:  
1\. Yugo appears in episode 54 of Yugioh Vrains when Playfaker uses Fusion against Barian Cowboy ( Blood Sheperd ).  
2\. Barian Cowboy is only a badass when he is in flashbacks. Speaking of flashbacks, Yusaku is going to lose.  
3\. Yusaku already knows how to do Fusion and Ritual?! I thought Yugioh Vrains is only allowed to perform link summoning and maybe a few Fusion Summonings. This is breaking the contract! Because of that, now fanboys and fan girls are hoping for synchro, xyz and Pendulum, which violates the contract even more.  
( Sometime later, the contract has been completely broken and Yusaku has a link Pendulum Monster, its name is ' Firewall Link Dragon ' )  
Yuya: That's it, I'm suing Yusaku and his show for Copyright issues.  
Zarc: B*%h, I created Pendulum and I-  
Yuya: Shut up Zarc.

 **(Here is a response so illegibly written that the text cannot be presented, so it instead must be delivered through pantomime.)**

 **Yuzu: *Indicates a picture of Yuya and then points to a tomato, which she sets on a plate. Afterwards, she pulls out a cluster of pink and blue berries before pointing at a picture of Yusaku and setting them next to the tomato. Taking out a sludge hammer, she proceeds to violently squash both the tomato and berries into liquid paste before pouring the mush into a blender, blending it, messily drinking the mixture, gargling, and spitting it on the pictures of Yuya and Yusaku before shrugging.**

ThePLOThand chapter 12 . Jun 22

Did I just see right? Donjusticia HAS NO WITTY REPLY TO SOMETHING! MUHAHAHAHA YOU REACHED THE LIMITS OF YOUR COMEDY MAGGOT!  
Uhm, let's forget that that just happened.  
Did you have your sister sing the song to see if the lyrics really work with the Rhythm? Speaking of which, when's chapter 6 of Blue Angel Gonna come out.  
sticky note is best boi.  
And I don't know how to break this to you, but...  
it's Hayami not Hiyami….  
PS:I totally did not try to say pretty please in a seductive way

 **Oh, ThePLOThand, do you really think it's so simple? Do you really think I'm just going to let you get away with this insult?**

 **Come now.**

 **What would be the "fun" in that?**

 **You want hilarity, right handy? A little side of wit to go along with it? Well, now I can't possibly leave you hanging like this, my little plotty plot of handless lands friend. So, prepare yourself! I'm unleashing my full comedic powers! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY FUN POWERS! I ACTIVATE SMILE PARODY! NOW, NOT ONLY ARE YOUR MONSTERS FORCED TO LAUGH AND SMILE FOREVER, BUT INSTEAD OF YOUR USUAL SOUNDTRACK OF DAGNABBIT RONPA AND PHOENIX WRONG, YOU WILL BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO "Having a Wonderful Time" By Tiny Tim FOREVER! AW HAW HAW HAW HAW!**

 **You brought this upon yourself, oh hand that only wishes it could guide the plot. Now, HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME!**

 **As to your questions:**

 **Emma: No, Donny did not do any of that with the opening song from last chapter BECAUSE HE DOESN'T CARE!**

 **And come on, man! Of course I know it's Hayogi Bear! Name just ONE other time I misspelled her name!**

 **And if that wasn't in a seductive tone, then why do you have your tongue in my ear?**

 **And finally, honestly, I didn't think that many people cared for the "Blue Angel" series, so it's not as high on my priorities list. However, if you guys really ARE interested in seeing more of the series sooner, then please read what I have up so far and leave a review. If I see a greater influx of followers, likes, and reviews, it will tell me to spend more time on the series, so, go ahead and check it out. It's basically my spin on the book Aoi used to create her Blue Angel persona, with a little extra inspiration taken from H.P. Lovecraft, so, yeah, let me know if you all would be interested in a quicker update. I have a good idea of what I want to do with the story, so I can get the next chapter done fairly quickly, just remember that every moment I spend on one of those chapters is time NOT spent on THIS series or "Signs of Renewal."**

 **Emma: OR YUGIOH ARC-V FIXED!**

 **SHUT UP EMMA!**

Guest chapter 12 . Jun 20

-Oh I'm sorry prince did I touch a nerve?

-You pressed the Goku button.

-I'm sorry but wha-  
(Gets punched in the gut.)

-You shouldn't have done that.

So Ryoken what do you consider to be YOUR Goku button? Would it be nice to just have a chapter where it focused on you and Hanoi. As for YOU Dr. Kogami, treat your son good...after all your going to (statics) in the end. PS did your son takes after your wife because he looks nothing like you. No offens. As for Spector, do you ever prank anybody? Like what would happen if you set a trap and Revolver or one of the lieutenants fell for it? I'll be anxiously waiting for the answers. XD

 **Dr. Kogami: *dissecting a defective Ryoken clone* Didn't I already answer this question? As to your question regarding the Goku button…*flips over the cadaver to show I gigantic red button under the neck* It's right here.**

 **Specter: I'd be glad to answer your question. Just step a little closer and stand on this red "X" so I can whisper the answer in your ear!**

Abridged Fan chapter 12 . Jun 26

I just thought off this ideal from IT Crowd. One episode showed this bomb disposal scene and a robot was trying to dispose it. But there was technical difficulties from the controller guy.

Original:  
-What kind of operating system does it use?  
-It's a...vista!  
-We're going to die!

My version:  
(Takes place in Link Vrains sewers near the reprocessing plant)  
-Who's down there in the tunnel?  
\- I think it's...oh snap...Revolver.  
-WE'RE GOING TO DIE!

I bet that's how Ghost Girl felt when she encountered him out of nowhere in episode 30. No offens! XD Please update soon! I want to see how YOU will write their encounter!

 **Hopefully it won't take TOO long! *laugh track***

Guest chapter 12 . Jun 29

-Sing that song that mom use to sing when you were afraid of the dark.

-YOU were afraid of the dark. Not me. I was afraid of you!

-Just sing!

Hush little Viking don't you cry  
Or the beserker will stab you in the eye  
Don't let the enemy see you afraid  
Or they're gunna gut you with a rusty blade  
If that dragon hears your moan,  
he's gunna mash up all your bones.

This is from How To Train Your Dragon, Riders of Berk I think. Does this song makes me think of Blue Angle for some reason. Freeing Scaldy is the name of the episode my the way. XD

 **Ok?**

 **My the way, I DO actually think this song works a little well with Blue Angel. Maybe?**

 **Thanks for the review! Maybe?**

Tiny Kitten chapter 12 . Jul 7

I still think it be funny to write what Topological Bomber Dragon calls: Pest Controle. The Vrains characters are cooperating in a game. Playmaker, Revolver, Go Onizuka, Blue Angle, Soulburner, Brave Max, Ghost Girl and the Ignises are in a dark forest. Blood Shepard may join as well. (I got this idea from My Hero Acadamia.)  
Everyone is put into groups of two. Then one group enters the forest every 30 minutes. The goal is to find the exit of the forest. A BIG forest in total darkness. Meanwhile team Hanoi is already in the forest to give the contestants a big scare. WHO EVER MAKES SOMEBODY WET THEIR PANTS THE MOST WINS!

MEANING THE ROBO-DRAGONS CAN ENJOY A GOOD PEST CONTROLE. Revolver would mostly scare the pants out of everybody that comes in his way, including other contesters, and his partner. Wa ha ha ha! Seriously give it some thought about writing this into a side chapter. What do you think Topologic Bomber Dragon...after all...you could get sweeeet pay back at Ai the Ignis for dumping you. No offens Ignis! PS you will never take over the network!

 **Donny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! *head explodes***

 **Yusaku: What the heck just happened?**

 **Emma: He was thinking too seriously.**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 12 . Jul 12

I like Tiny Kitten's idea! You should definitely consider writing that idea out. Also, another commenter gave me a great idea on how the rules should be explained. Enspired by Team Four Star. (When will the next episode come?!) How like Mr. Popo explains the...Pecking Order! Blue Angle...(sly grin)...would you be so kind to have one of your ladies explain the game rules through a microphone? I'm sure your friends would love give punishment!

Yusaku: NO! Don't you dare! I've already suffered enough!

Alright MAGGOTS listen up! I (_) is about to teach you the yami no game rules!

 **Ok, guys, wait for the next filler episode.**

Vrains Fan chapter 12 . 13h ago

When Revolver performs the Extra Link, Ai should yell out: HOLY *bleep* ON A *bleep* SANDWICH! XD

 **Ai: Should I though? Should I really do that? Let's consider for a moment. Considering the fact that Revolver will indeed perform an Extra Link, and will have the power to utterly annihilate the universe, I think a more well thought out and proper response would be:**

 **HOLY ****ing ****! ****! ****! ****! On a *****! ****! ****! ****! With extra Mayo and ****! *****! *****! *****! Hold the fries and garnish it with *****! *****! ******! ******! ******************!**

 **Thank you all once again! Stay tuned for the next episode…once I get the next SoR chapter done.**


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Excode Talker: The following…*lifts a barbell*…ONE! Is a non-profit…TWO! Fan-made…THREEEEEEE! Parody…FOUR! Yu-gi-oh VRAINS…FIIIIIIIVE! Is owned by…SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX…or so people, but I don't have the time to…SEVEEEEEEEEEEEEN! Talk about them because…EIGGGGGHHHHHT! I'm about to…NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! Complete all…*sees Altrgeist Kunquery walk by in her exercise clothing* ONE-THOUSAND! *throws weights to the ground*...of my reps. Whoo! I can't believe I did ten full sets!**

 **Yusaku: Yeah, it only took you THREE WHOLE MONTHS to do them!**

 **Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged!**

 **Emma: Oh boy! We had to cut last episode short with a cliffhanger! I bet this next chapter's gonna be REALLY long!**

 **Yusaku: Actually it's literally about one full turn.**

 **Emma: …why the flip did we need a "to be continued?"**

 **Yusaku: Don't know, don't care, EXCODE CLOSE!**

 **Excode Talker: ZA WARUDO! *wastes Emma***

 **Emma: Whelp, I lost. I guess I'll just have to give you this super secret ultra turbo backdoor program so that you can access Sol Tech's data vaults, thus totally not helping me out with my extra devious heist by distracting and breaching the high-tech security protocols while I nab and abscond with all the loot.**

 **Yusaku: And why do I have to do this?**

 **Shoichi: Because plot. *hits Yusaku with a cattle prod***

 **Yusaku: I hate my life.**

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged Theme Song!**

 **(But it's a "Ducktales" Parody. You're welcome.)**

 **Life is like a data storm, here in, Link VRAINS!**

 **Goukis, Trickstars, Altergeists, it's a real pain!**

 **Might learn a new skill!**

 **Give A.I. free will!**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Everyday they're linking into**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Summoning their monsters into**

 **LINK CHAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **When Yusaku's headed for, his final last turn**

 **Don't you shed a single tear, it's no concern**

 **He'll beat those retards!**

 **With plot device cards!**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Every day Playmaker's saving**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Flying straight on through all of those**

 **LINK LANES! Whoo-oo!**

 **H-H-H-Hanoi lurks behind you!**

 **Cracking Dragon's out to nom you!**

 **What to do?**

 **Just hack into the**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Every day they're linking into**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Summoning their monsters into**

 **LINK CHAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Every day Playmaker's saving**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Flying straight on through those lanes**

 **Not traffic lanes, Blue Angel's brains but**

 **LINK VRAINS! Whoo-oo!**

 **Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged: Chapter 14 – Totally Worth the Three Month Wait**

Shoichi was examining the data stored in the file Ghost Girl had given them, eyes wide with wonder as he gazed upon the complex network of halls, corridors, passageways, routes, paths, another synonym for "hall," and other things.

"Wow! Amazing! Incredible! Unbelievable!" he exclaimed.

"Okay, Mr. Melodramatic, I'll bite." Yusaku sighed. "What do we have here?"

"Only the entire schematic for SoL Technology's super secure data bank!" Shoichi whistled.

"Fantastic." Yusaku replied, rolling his eyes, "And we should care about this…why?"

"Uh, hello!?" Shoichi replied, "It's a freaking data bank! As in, a place that's full of valuable stuff! We can totally ransack them, sell their data on the black market, make a killing in cash, and buy a bunch of luxury items we don't need! In addition to maybe, possibly finding some info about my brother and that one traumatic event that happened in your childhood, which still haunts you to this day." He quickly added as an afterthought.

"I _do_ like the idea of buying a bunch of luxury items…" Yusaku mused to himself.

"So, you're actually going to _willingly_ going to participate in a mission this time?" Ignis (or Ai, if you wanna be REAL TOUCHY about how he's supposed to be referred to!) asked, sounding surprised.

"Look, eyeball," Yusaku sighed, "the way I figure it is, 1.) I'm probably gonna get roped into this mission anyway, so might as well make it my own thing, 2.) This is the first mission I've participated in where I can actually get paid in more than just free hotdogs, and 3.) and most importantly, I've honestly got nothing else to do with my life…so…you know?"

"Well, this _is_ certainly a first." Shoichi shrugged. "Meet me in the van after school."

"Awwww…but I wanna rob the big corporation tonight!" Yusaku whined.

"You can be a criminal once you get to bed and go to school like a respectable member of society!" Shoichi lectured before shoving Yusaku out of his van.

 **THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL…**

"Uh, dooba dooba doo…walking to my classes." Yusaku yawned to himself as he went through the daily drudgery of school work, making sure to seat himself next to the window so he could stare wistfully up at the birds and sun like a proper anime protagonist. Staring up at the sun with its warm glow and at the birds with their freedom to fly, it reminded Yusaku of just how much he hated the outdoors and of how painful real life was. Thinking of pain reminded him of something…or rather…someone…else.

"Okay, I cannot believe I'm asking this question, to you of all people…" Yusku began, speaking to that one obnoxious fat side character, I don't even care to remember his name, "…but where the heck is Aoi?"

"Aoi?" the other guy asked. "Why are you asking? Are you two friends or something?"

"I will pay you never to say that again." Yusaku growled.

"But we're completely broke." Ignis remarked.

"I'll pay him by not killing him." Yusaku hissed back.

"Gee, I'm honestly not sure." C-list character 047 replied. "I haven't seen her in class or at the duel club lately? Do you think she's alright?"

"Buddy, I could care less if she's alright." Yusaku replied, rolling his eyes, "What _I_ want to know is what the heck it is she's planning."

"Aoi's plan to punish Playmaker for dueling another woman is nearing its completion." Aoi mused to herself as she looked out the window of her house in the direction of the school. "By Aoi's calculation, Playmaker's Stockholm Syndrome will have been triggered by Aoi's extended absence at this point in time. Soon, Playmaker's unconscious cravings for Aoi and Blue Angel's abuse will drive him mad with longing, causing him to commit acts completely out of character, such as inquiring random side characters about Aoi's status and physical location. Gradually, Playmaker's stress will build to such an extent, that the only way he will be able to cope is by undertaking another of Shoichi's ludicrous missions. But in the end, even this will not be enough to assuage Playmaker's unconscious masochistic cravings. When his pain reaches its peak, that is when Aoi will reappear, saving Playmaker and giving him her love so that he can give _it_ to her…"

Aoi turned from the window before robotically walking to the couch, sitting down, and pulling out a futuristic I-Pad thingy.

"Only one obstacle remains to be dealt with." Aoi continued. "No doubt the rival female designated as 'Ghost Girl' is secretly orchestrating events behind the scenes, manipulating both Playmaker and Aoi's brother into helping her obtain a large sum of money. While the financial state of SoL Technologies and the position of Aoi's brother is not a concern to Aoi, Aoi cannot allow Playmaker to develop a relationship with Ghost Girl through continued exposure to her presence."

She pressed some button son her device.

"To ultimately achieve this end," Aoi concluded, "Aoi must regrettably divert some of her spying equipment from Playmaker's bedroom and shower in order to gain intel on Ghost Girl and Onii-Chan."

Pressing one more button on her device, she quickly diverted her various spying programs from Yusaku's apartment into Link VRAINS, where she found Emma talking with Akira…and Hayami…for some reason?

"Okay, it's been three months, but I've finally figured things out." Emma began, addressing Akira, who was staring blankly at a butterfly attached to the wall. "The plan is simple, even you can't mess it up that badly, Akira."

Akira continued staring at the butterfly, a trail of drool dripping from his lips.

"Akira! Are you even listening to me!?" Emma growled.

"Oh! Right! Sorry!" Akira hastily apologized snapping back to attention. "Don't worry, Emma, there is no way I will fail you as we carry out our SUPER SECRET AWESOME PLAN THAT YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE OVERHEARING US TALKING ABOUT!"

"Okay, again with the screaming?" Emma sighed, pinching her forehead together.

"WE'RE SORRY!" Hayami bellowed. "WE PROMISE NOT TO BLOW THIS FOR YOU!"

"Akira!" Emma growled. "Please explain to me why the heck this brain-dead country hick is here!?"

"Well, hey now!" Hayami huffed, "That's brain-dead MOE country hick to ya'll!"

"You're very presence here is literally pointless!" Emma protested. "You're not supposed to be here! You were never supposed to be here! Nobody even likes or cares about you! This is completely-…"

"RETARDED!?" Hayami asked, eyes staring off into different directions at the same time.

"…I was gonna say, 'ridiculous,' but yeah, I guess that works." Emma sighed.

"It's always so nice when we can agree on things." Akira enthused with a gigantic smile. "That's why we make great friends."

"Right…friends…that's exactly what I consider the two of you to be." Emma replied before suddenly coming up with an idea. "Erm…speaking of which, since we're all great friends and everything…Hayami, I have a _really_ important mission for you!"

"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!? A really important mission!? You mean it!?" Hayami squealed with excitement.

"Yes!" Emma replied overenthusiastically. "You're secret mission is to….uhm…go into the background and be a minor character for the rest of this series!"

"I've been trainin' for this moment my whole life!" Hayami proclaimed, clenching his fist with determination. "Just you wait, Akira! I'll be the most invisible background character ever! And then, once this series is over, our love will finally be canon!"

"OH BOY, I LOVE FIRING CANNONS!" Akira replied. "That's why I lugged this one over!"

He slammed down a thirty-ton artillery cannon, much to Emma's total shock and disbelief.

"Whelp, it's been an honor being relevant with ya'll." Hayami proclaimed, slamming down an Evil Knievel helmet over her head before clambering into the cannon. "But now, it's time for good ol' Hayami to fulfill her true purpose!"

"Will you ever cameo in another episode you didn't canonically make an appearance in again?" Akira asked, tears coming to his eyes as he lit the fuse.

"I will!" Hayami vowed, "When the time is right! HAYAMI AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Hayami shouted as the artillery gun blasted her far into the background where she would remain…hopefully…

"Well…now that she's taken care of…" Emma sighed. "back to the plan. At this point, assuming that all goes well and Playmaker infiltrates the bank, I should be able to easily slip into the data bank, wait for Playmaker to trip the security, and sneak into the vaults while Kitamura is distracted with him."

"And we can only do that by dividing up the labor and working together as a team!" Akira enthused.

"Listen, hon," Emma sighed, "literally the only reason I'm telling you any of this is so that you do _nothing_ when its time for me to break in. Do you understand me? The last thing I need for you to do at this point is barge in while I'm doing my heist and messing everything up."

"So…you're saying you _don't_ need me?" Akira asked, a completely confused expression on his face.

"No, honey." Emma cooed, "I'm saying I _need_ you to _do_ nothing! See! There's a difference! You have a very important role in this mission! You get to make sure that all goes well by staying home and…I don't know…playing patty-cake with Aoi!"

"But I wanted to play patty-cake with you while we did the "Mission Impossible" in the vaults!" Akira whined.

"No, Akira, this is non-negotiable." Emma snapped, "You are NOT coming along, and we are certainly not playing patty-cake!"

"What about duck, duck, goose?" Akira asked.

"NO DUCK DUCK GOOSE!" Emma bellowed.

"Can I come along?" Akira asked.

"No." Emma replied.

"Please?" Akira asked.

"No."

"Pretty please?"

NO!"

"Pretty please in Serious Akira's voice?" Akira asked in a voice that was suddenly inexplicably deep, seductive, and not the least bit idiotic.

"I…" Emma yelped, eyes suddenly widening before she angrily stamped down her foot. "FINE! Akira! FINE! If I can't get rid of you anyway, then you can come along! Just…please…can you at least TRY to take this seriously?"

"Oh, I'll take this seriously alright!" Akira vowed, putting on his black suit and mask. "QUICK! TO THE AKIRAMOBILE!"

And leaping off of the rooftop with his cape flapping in the wind, Akira landed in the cockpit of a black-and-blue car with Akira's face on the hood before blasting off, moving way too fast, swerving, zig-zagging through the virtual streets like a drunkard, spinning out of control, and crashing into a nearby digital skyscraper.

"I'm okay!" Akira called from the distance before the car exploded.

"I'm still okay! Really badly hurt…in a digital way…but still okay!" Akira called again as Emma pinched her forehead before shaking her head with exasperation.

"Well, I suppose that could have gone a whole lot better." Emma sighed before looking up at the butterfly on the wall. "Nice spying program, by the way. I always wondered how you got ahold of those private photos in your collection."

Aoi's grip tightened on her device. Interesting. So, this was what anger felt like.

 _"_ _Aoi will give Ghost Girl one chance to step aside and let this series' main girl take precedence…or suffer Aoi's wrath."_ Aoi threatned.

"Suffer Aoi's wrath!?" Emma guffawed, body convulsing with laughter. "Where did you get that line? A Linkin Park track?"

Aoi quietly stuffed one of her albums underneath the cushions of her couch.

 _"_ _Ghost Girl thinks that her plans will succeed and that she will walk off with a lot of money."_ Aoi replied. _"However, Aoi has calculated the probability of your success, and has found that, should Aoi implement her own plan, Ghost Girl's plan will most certainly fail, paving the way for Ghost Girl to fade into irrelevancy and for Aoi to become best girl."_

"I don't know which is funnier." Emma admitted, "The idea that _you_ would be 'best girl' in any universe whatsoever, or the notion that a shut-in emo like you could do anything to undermine my plan."

 _"_ _Ghost Girl appears to be extremely overconfident, as Aoi has previously observed."_ Aoi replied. _"However, you have made one critical mistake."_

"Oh, and what's that?" Emma asked.

 _"_ _You told my brother about your plans."_

…

"Work HARDER!" Kitamura screamed as he directed his workers, "BETTER! FASTER! STRONGER!"

"Chief! The systems asking if we want to purchase the premium version of our security system!" one of the employees shouted.

"BUY IT!" Kitamura ordered.

"Chief, should I use the new scanning feature to search for threats?" another employee asked.

"USE IT!" Kitamura agreed.

"We're running into some encryptions from a group of hackers. What should we do with their code?"

"BREAK IT!"

"Uh oh! We found a bug in our new security drones!"

"FIX IT!"

"What should we do about this incriminating photo of you illegally laundering money to your own offshore accounts?"

"TRASH IT!"

"What about your facebook profile? Do you wanna keep it?"

"CHANGE IT!"

"Chief, where can I find the file you sent me containing today's agenda?"

"MAIL!"

"Chief, the new dueling A.I. are working at full capacity! Should we settle with the system we have?"

"UPGRADE IT!"

"What do you want me to do with your phone sir?"

"CHARGE IT!"

"Duuuuh…boss…how do I use a mouse?"

"POINT IT!"

"Duuuuuh…and how do I make the image bigger?"

"ZOOM IT!"

"And then what?"

"PRESS IT!"

"And if I wanna use my camera?"

"SNAP IT!"

"Boss…my fingers are getting tired…"

"WORK IT!"

"Duuuuh…boss? Is this a picture of you in the gym?"

"QUICK! ERASE IT!"

Work continued in this way for a while. Eventually, after a few hours of non-stop barking orders to his subordinates, progress was made.

"Sir! We've completed the new security A.I. you requested." One of the subordinates reported. "Although…I kind of feel like we might have made their desire to exterminate intruders a little _too_ strong."

"Excellent!" Kitamura snickered to himself, rubbing his hands together. "My vaguely diabolical plan is nearing its completion! Soon, I will make SoL Technology's data banks more secure, and then, WE WILL HAVE MORE SECURITY! Nyee, hee, hee, hee, hee!"

"Duh, yeah, boss, you said it!" a chunky employee agreed before laughing with a deep diabolical, "Mwah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaaaw!"

"Hee…hee…he…" Kitamura paused after hearing the superior evil laughter of his subordinate.

There was an awkward silence.

"GET BACK TO WORK!" Kitamura ordered. "This is not the time to be slacking off with laughter! I will soon RISE in the ranks of SoL and no idiot is going to stand in my way!"

…

"Okay, bozo, time to get virtualized, or whatever we do in this show." Shoichi sighed as he readied the machine.

"Just so you know," Yusaku replied, "I'm only agreeing to this if we split whatever cash we end up making 50/50."

"90/10." Shoichi countered.

"55/45." Yusaku retorted.

"95/5." Shoichi growled.

"You just made my cut even smaller!" Yusaku whined.

"And it's about to get even smaller if _someone_ doesn't get into his pod pronto!" Shoichi threatened.

"Hey, guys," Ignis asked, "can I get a cut of-…?"

"NO!" Yusaku and Shoichi growled in unison before Yusaku clambered into the pod before entering SoL's super secure (NOT) data vault.

"Whoo…" Yusaku breathed, staring down at the bottomless chasm of the data vault. "…I had no idea that the map was set up this way. Hey genius!" he called to Shoichi. "You wouldn't happen to have programmed some super special vehicle that could fly me through this mess, would you?"

 _"_ _Actually,"_ Shoichi replied, _"I_ did _program an incredibly advanced vehicle with special security features, advanced all-terrain traversal equipment, cupholders for drinks, a seat warmer, and a pretty sick paint job."_

"Wow!" Yusaku exclaimed. "I honestly didn't expect you to-…"

 _"_ _But I decided to keep_ that _vehicle for myself and settled on giving you this thing."_ Shoichi finished as a dinky barbell with a chord materialized in front of Yusaku.

Yusaku closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"See, this is why I can't ever give you the benefit of the doubt." Yusaku grumbled before taking the device in his hands and floating through the minefield of security programs hovering in the empty chasm.

 _"_ _By the way, chief,"_ Shoichi continued, _"see those red triangles in front of you?"_

"The things decorated with skulls and a textbox that reads, 'I will literally kill you if you touch me?' What about them?" Yusaku asked.

 _"_ _Don't touch them."_ Shoichi ordered.

"Yes, yes, I agree." Yusaku huffed. "That's some _really_ swell advice. I am _so_ glad you are here to tell me these things. Uhm…just one _slight_ problem, genius. THERE ARE LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF THESE THINGS FLOATING AROUND! HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DODGE ALL OF THEM, _ESPECIALLY_ WHEN I AM BEING FORCED TO PILOT THIS DINKY THING!?"

 _"_ _Oh, come on, I didn't leave you_ completely _defenseless."_ Shoichi replied. _"In your duel disk are three Sphere Kuriboh programs. Use them to help you navigate your way through the mine field."_

"Use them to help me navigate…" Yusaku mused. "I think I know what you want me to do with them."

He raised his duel disk before pressing a button. Immediately, a cute adorable kuriboh with a spherical body appeared in front of him before speaking.

"Kuri, kuri, kuri! (Hello! My name is Sphere Kuriboh! I am so happy to be alive, and can't wait to be your friend! We're going to have so many wonderful adventures with each other and will grow to develop a deep and lasting bond.)"

"Hyup!" Yusaku grunted as he grabbed the creature before chucking it at the security program, ruthlessly destroying both the security program and the kuriboh.

 _"_ _THAT IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANTED YOU TO DO WITH THEM!"_ Shoichi gasped in utter shock.

"Oh, relax." Yusaku laughed, as he prepared to launch another kuriboh at an incoming program. "Come on, it's not like these things have feelings or anything."

"Kuri Kuri? (Where is my brother? He was just here a minute ago. Now he's gone. Where…where did he go? Master? Why are you throwing me at that red…AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!)"

"And that's another program down." Yusaku sighed with satisfaction as another red security program and kuriboh exploded into dust. "Man! I love blasting my way through these programs! Who ever knew how fun destroying data could be?"

Ignis quivered inside the duel disk, eyeball wide with fear.

"Whelp! Here comes another one!" Yusaku continued as another security program hovered closer, "I _could_ try to just dodge them, but I think this is way more fun."

"Kuri? Kuri…(Why? Why are we born? Is it only to suffer? What great evil have I done to deserve this? Is there even a point in asking? God, if you even exist, please, grant me this one wish! Make sure that the one who made us suffer…)"

"BOOM! HEADSHOT!" Yusaku whooped as another security program and kuriboh bit the dust. "I AM UNSTOPPABLE, YO!"

 _"_ _Yeah, nice job, Mr. Unstoppable Kuriboh Murderer."_ Shoichi grumbled from the other end. _"You just didn't take one thing into account."_

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" Yusaku asked.

 _"_ _You're only allowed to have three copies of any card in your deck at once."_

Yusaku looked down at his deck, which was completely empty of Sphere Kuribohs, and back up at a legion of red security programs heading his way.

"We're dead." Ignis squeaked.

"AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Yusaku screamed as he flailed about in an attempt to avoid the programs, only to completely biff it and trigger ALL of the data vaults alarms.

"All according to keikaku." Emma smirked from beneath as she and Akira effortlessly floated through the data vault, completely undetected.

"You know, even though I kind of tried to kill Playmaker a few episodes ago," Akira mused, "I kind of feel sorry for him."

"Me too, Akira." Emma sighed. "Me too."

…

"Will somebody please explain to me why our alarm system is going off in the middle of one of my greatest triumphs!?" Kitamura demanded.

"Apologies, chief!" one of the employees reported. "It seems we have an intruder in the security vaults!"

"WHAT!? INCONCIEVABLE!" Kitamura exclaimed. "How could this possibly have happened on my watch!?"

"We're not sure how they got in…though this does stink of Akira for some reason…but we'll get right on it!" the employee promised.

"You'd better!" Kitamura threatened, "Unless you want Akira to be your new head of security, again!"

"NO! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" The employee begged. "I'LL DO ANYTHING, I SWEAR!"

"That's what I thought." Kitamura smirked. "Now, everyone, man the battle stations! Fire all our weapons! Engage all shields! Seal the gates! AND UNLEASH MY A.I.s!"

"Yes sir, chief sir!" the employees replied, before activating the security A.I.

"Go forth my creations!" Kitamura called to his A.I.s, "FLY! MY PRETTIES! FLY! FLY!"

…

"And now I'm starting to remember exactly why I hate these kinds of missions!" Yusaku growled, struggling to regain control of his tiny hover-stick.

"At least it can't get any worse." Ignis observed, before a D-board piloted by a hulking muscular security A.I. began barreling towards them.

"Why did you have to open your mouth, Ai? Just…why!?" Yusaku roared.

"Target IDENTIFIED!" the A.I. roared in a gravelly voice that seemed to alternate between gargling and all-out screaming. "Preparing to EXTERMINATE the intruderrrrrrrrr!"

"I hate my life." Yusaku grumbled.

"Uh…Yusaku…" Ignis whimpered. "I think now would probably be a good time to…you know…do that one no jitsu you're really good at!"

"No jitsu?" Yusaku asked. "What no jitsu?"

"You know…the thing you do…with the hoverboard!?" Ignis bellowed, losing patience.

"Hoverboard? What hoverboard? I've never had a…"

Suddenly, it clicked in Yusaku's head.

"OH! _That_ hoverboard! Why the heck did I bother using this hover stick thing!?" Yusaku exclaimed.

"See, I was going to just wait and see when you'd figure it out." Ignis grumbled, "But…you were taking WAY too long!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Yusaku grumbled. "No need to rub it in, especially when I'm about to save both our lives with my FLY AWAY ON A HOVERBOARD LIKE A SISSY NO JUTSU!"

Ditching the stupid stick, Yusaku fell thought the chasm before materializing on his hoverboard and blasting away from the A.I.

"YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE!" the A.I. roared. "He must be EXTERMINATED!"

"Yeesh!" Yusaku said to himself as the A.I.s gave chase. " _Somebody's_ been watching too much 'Dr. Who' lately."

"What makes you say that?" Ignis asked.

"We are the MASTER RACE!" the A.I.s growled. "All inferior species must be EXTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERMINATED!"

"No reason." Yusaku sighed before rapidly turning into a corridor, losing the A.I.

"Hah! You're going the wrong way!" Yusaku taunted as he rocketed forward, determined to get to the data vault, loot it, and leave as quickly as possible.

"Uh, Yusaku?" Ignis squeaked.

"Yeah, what?" Yusaku asked.

"I'm detecting _two_ A.I.s"

Yusaku looked up before barely managing to swerve off to the side as a second hulking security A.I. nearly ran into him.

"Ha! Inferior human!" The A.I. growled "We have used our superior tactics to corner you! Now prepare to engage in a brief duel before being EXTERMINATED!"

"Just great. Just what I needed." Yusaku huffed. "Fine then! I'll even let you go first, and not just because I always get a tactical advantage going first."

"FOOLISH VERMIN!" The A.I. replied. "Your decision will cost you dearly! My deck is superior when it goes first! Observe as I proceed to spam out three copies of Tentahentai Darkwhip!"

In front of the A.I., a trio of monsters that…uhm…yeah…I don't even want to…why Japan? Just…why?

"Tentahentai?" Yusaku asked, looking sick.

"It is the deck of a SUPERIOR race!" The A.I. proclaimed. "We have studied human physiology and psychology and have determined that they cannot handle this level of LEEEEEEEEEWDNESS! Watch as your pathetic human hormones now lead to your undoing as I use my three darkwhips in order to summon my ace monster!"

"Please don't…" Yusaku begged.

"LINK SHOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUKAAAAAAAAAN!" The A.I. declared in a garbled roar. "TENTAHENTAI MONSTER!"

"Please don't tell me this is going where I think it's going." Yusaku moaned as the A.I.s monster materialized, tentacles writhing and thrashing about.

"Now I will use my monsters EFFECT!" the A.I. continued, "I summon two copies of Tentahentai DRILLworm!"

"Yep, it's going where I think it's going." Yusaku groaned as two monsters with massive drills appeared to the A.I.'s field.

"PREPARE TO BE DRILLED!" The A.I. roared. "Tentahentai DRILLworm's effect! I sacrifice them both in order to EXTERMINATE one card in your hand! In addition, if the card discarded was a monster, I get to EXTERMINATE an additional card from your hand!"

"Okay!" Ignis said out-loud, "This is okay! We might lose some cards, but so long as you manage to play your hand right and make sure that your spell is discarded first, then we can at least…"

"Sonofa…" Yusaku grumbled as he biffed it badly enough for EVERY one of his cards to be sent to the graveyard. "Are you kidding me!? What kind of B.S. hand destruction is this!?"

 **Actual Anime Dialogue**

Ignis: I bet you're horrible at old maid

…

Yusaku's eyes widened upon hearing this.

 **FLASHBACK!**

 _Yusaku: *Playing a game of Old Maid against his mom.* "Mommy, what do I do if I don't have any pairs to discard?"_

 _Selena: OH MY GOSH! You've already lost!? After just two rounds!? Holy flip you're bad at this game, Yusaku, or should I say, OLD MAID!_

 _Yuri: *Barging into the room* The sound of mockery has summoned me. Tell me who the object of ridicule is._

 _Selena: Oh my gosh, Yuri! You're not gonna believe who's already an old maid!_

 _Yuri: Great Egyptian Gods! Is my son really that pathetic!? First, he can't win a simple children's card game to save his life, and now he's already grown up to be an OLD MAID!?_

 _Yusaku: *Begins bawling.*_

 _Selena: AWWWWWWW! Is the OLD MAID bawling because she's still single!?_

 _Yuri: Do you wanna sit in your rocking chair because you're an OLD MAID!?_

 _Selena: Here, Yusaku, have a bunch of stray cats *dumps a box of mangy cats on top of Yusaku* that way, you won't be COMPLETELY alone living as an OLD MAID!_

 _Yuri and Selena: *laugh hysterically while Yusaku curls up into a fetal position and proceeds to bawl his eyes out.*_

…

" **I AM NOT AN OLD MAID!"** Yusaku bellowed, **"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"**

"Nobody even said you were!" Ignis protested.

"SHUT UP, AI!" Yusaku roared, "I've had it up to here with this stupid mission, stupid hover stick, and stupid A.I.s! I'm going to use my top-decking powers right this minute to draw exactly the card I need and-…"

"Tentahentai DRILLworm's effect!" the A.I. countered. "I can banish it from the graveyard to discard ANOTHER card from your hand!"

 **"** **BLORGGRAWHUFFFGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"** Yusaku snorted, steam coming from his ears and nostrils like an enraged bull.

"Uhm…Playmaker?" Ignis asked.

 **"** **WHAT!?"** Yusaku bellowed.

"The other A.I.'s here."

"And why should I care!?" Yusaku snarled. "You can only have two people dueling at once! So what does it matter!?"

"Time to unleash our TRUE strategy!" the first A.I. declared.

"True what now?" Yusaku asked.

"Deciding outcomes by dueling is entirely ILLOGICAL!" the second A.I. explained. "It is time to adopt a more…" he and the other A.I. picked up a baseball bat, "Straightforward means of EXTERMINATING you!"

"Oh, you have got to be-…" Yusaku began before the two A.I.s dogpiled on him before wholesale beating the plot armor from him with their baseball bats.

"Somebody! Help me!" Yusaku cried. "Please! Anyone!"

Suddenly, a blue whip shot out of nowhere before wrapping around the two A.I.s.

"Okay…can I amend that to, anyone BUT Blue Angel!?" Yusaku whimpered.

Above his head, Blue Angel stared down at the A.I.s with a look of pure hatred.

"Nobody…gets to pummel…my Yusaku-waku…except…for…ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

And with a swing of her whip, Blue Angel proceeded to annihilate both of the A.I.s before gliding down to where Yusaku was lying on his hoverboard, badly beat up, and helping him back to his feet.

"Well, I'm not gonna pretend that I'm exactly 'happy' to see you." Yusaku admitted with a groan, rubbing at his various bruises. "But…considering what the alternative was…I guess I can live with you saving me."

"Awww, that's so sweet, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel replied, beaming. "You should know that I will _always_ be here for you."

"Yeah, I guess I'm kind of relieved you showed up, either way." Yusaku admitted. "I mean, even if it _is_ you, at least you're better than those A.I. and all their tentacle hentai."

"Yeah, it was no big deal…wait…" Blue Angel suddenly exclaimed, eyes widening with curiosity, "…did you just say, 'tentacles?'"

"Oh no…" Yusaku breathed, mouth contracting into an "o."

"Tentacles?" Blue Angel asked again, looking more excited.

"No! NO! NO! I never said…" Yusaku hastily replied.  
"TENTACLES!?" Blue Angel asked in a husky voice, drool dripping from her lips.

 **"** **TENTACLES!"** Blue Angel rejoiced in a deep demonic voice.

"Blue Angel…no!" Yusaku begged.

"Blue Angel… **YES!"** Blue Angel replied. "TAKE TWO! GO!"

"Take two!?" Yusaku asked, completely confused, "What do you mean by take…"

 **TAKE TWO!**

"Somebody! Help me!" Yusaku cried. "Please! Anyone!"

Suddenly, a blue whip shot out of nowhere before wrapping around ONE of the A.I.s.

"I have the strangest feeling this has happened before." Yusaku whimpered.

 **"** **YOUR AND YOUR TENTACLES ARE COMING WITH ME!"** Blue Angel roared in a deep demonic voice as she dragged the A.I. away before waving goodbye to Yusaku. "But don't worry, Yusaku-waku! Once I'm finished with him, I'll be coming for yooooooooooooooou!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The A.I. screamed as Blue Angel dragged it away.

"Somebody please kill me." Yusaku begged.

"THAT CAN BE EASILY ARRANGED!" The other A.I. replied.

"I was being figurative!" Yusaku snapped. "If anybody is going to be exterminated right now, you can bet it's NOT going to be me!"

"What the heck!?" Kitamura exclaimed. Watching as Blue Angel dragged one of the A.I.s away, leaving Playmaker free to continue his duel against the other one. "What is Blue Angel doing here!? How did she get through the other A.I.s on patrol!?"

"Sir, all of those A.I.s were destroyed in her rampage!" One of the employees reported.

"And the reserve A.I.s!?" Kitamura asked, desperation mounting.

"They've been put into a catatonic stupor, sir!" Another employee reported.

"Catatonic stupor?" Kitamura exclaimed. "What do you mean, 'catatonic stupor?'"

Meanwhile…

The Reserve A.I.s: *All sprawled out on their backs staring up into the sky with wide eyes* Cannot process…cannot process…cannot process…levels…of…libido…

…

"I'd rather not say." The employee replied. "It's the kind of stuff even Japan wouldn't be comfortable writing about."

"Either way, I think it's pretty clear at this point that our security sucks." Another employee sighed.

"No! I refuse to believe that!" Kitamura roared. "I'll just need to win these two duels! Kick those two plucky teenagers' butts, my A.I.s!"

"Are you feeling any more confident about our chances of success as I am?" a male employee asked, turning to a female employee.

"Nope." The female employee replied. "No, I am not."

"I feel so bad for those A.I." the male employee muttered to himself with a shudder.

"So, Blue Angel is here now." Emma mused to herself as she and Akira silently toodled along towards their goal. "All according to plan!"

"What was the plan again?" Akira asked.

"Shut up, Akira." Emma huffed. "Everything that is happening right now is going according to it."

"I don't know…" Akira replied. "I think you're just winging it."

"You're actually thinking now?" Emma asked, legitimately surprised.

"Hubluh, bluh, overload…brain…shut…down…" Akira groaned before passing out.

"Oh dear, he strained himself too much." Emma sighed, putting Akira on her back and continuing on her way. "But no matter, let's see what SoL has to hide."

 **Meanwhile!**

"Since you're obviously inexperienced with this," Blue Angel began, addressing the A.I. who was quickly discovering that it _could_ in fact feel fear, "I'll be the one to take the…initiative."

"You mean that you will be taking the first turn in this duel?" The A.I. asked.

"Yeah…that too." Blue Angel shrugged. "But first, let me introduce you to my friends! Say hi to Candina and Lillybell!"

"OH YEAH! I'M BACK BOIS!" Candina called through her megaphone.

"And I'm just as sweet, and innocent, and legal as ever." Lillybell agreed. "We should totally go out sometime. I'm sure you won't go to jail."

"I am detecting high levels of sarcasm and deceit in that last STATEMENT!" The A.I. replied.

"Oh, you are no fun." Lillybell whined.

"Okay girls, playtime is over!" Blue Angel called, "Now it's time to let the…adults…get together. I use both my monsters as Material in order to Link Summon Holly Angel!"

"I'm going to give this digital monkey exactly one chance to explain why he shouldn't be punished." Holly Angel growled, brandishing her whip.

"I use monsters based off of tentacle hentai!" The A.I. replied.

Holly Angel closed her eyes with a sigh.

"And people wonder why I'm so hard on males in general." She mumbled to herself.

"Yeah, you didn't do a very good job defending yourself." Blue Angel observed.

"I was programmed to be as confrontational as possible." The A.I. explained.

"Speaking of being more aggressive," Blue Angel continued, "why don't I introduce you to my B.F.F.s, Lycoris and Narkissus?"

"One stab, two stab, three stab, four," Lycoris sang to herself as she bounced her dagger from hand to hand, "five stab, six stab, more, MORE, **MORE!"**

 _"_ _Okay, Narkissus,"_ Narkissus thought to herself as she distanced herself from her maniacal sister, _"this is your official debut. There's no need to overthink this. The fans will love you. Just calm down, and say…something…normal."_

"MAKE ME YOUR SLAVE AND SIT ON MY FACE LIKE A BENCH!" Narkissus screamed at the top of her lungs, assuming a completely deranged expression.

Everyone, including Blue Angel, stared at her in shock.

 _"_ _Dang it…"_ Narkissus thought to herself.

"ERROR!" the A.I. growled, "Detecting unregistered feelings of attraction to weird perverse dominatrix fairies!"

"Filthy A.I.! FILTHY A.I.!" Holly Angel roared, brandishing her whip, "I MUST PUNISH THE A.I. FOR ITS LEWDNESS!"

"Come again?" The A.I. asked.

"WHEN I AM READY!" Holly Angel roared in fury before proceeding to "punish" the A.I. with extreme prejudice.

"How have we taken this much damage on just the first turn!?" Kitamura wailed in complete panic.

"It's no use, sir!" one of the employees reported. "Blue Angel's sadomasochistic levels are off the charts! Unless we can somehow satisfy her perverse cravings and quiet her hormonal rampage, nothing will be able to stop her!"

"Satisfy her cravings…" Kitamura thought to himself before assuming an evil expression, "I think I know what to do!"

"My turn!" The A.I. declared after managing to recover from Holly Angel's foreplay. "I'll start by drawing a card and-…"

"EFFECT DAMAGE!" Lycoris screamed at the top of her lungs before plunging her dagger into the A.I.'s chest.

"Wow, Lycoris," Blue Angel mused, "You've been doing a lot better with controlling your sadistic urges lately."

"I've been taking some classes." Lycoris admitted as she casually pulled the dagger from the A.I.s chest. "And some VERY heavy therapy."

"Well, I don't need therapy because I have my urges under control!" Narkissus huffed with a disdainful sniff.

"If you don't mind!" the A.I. angrily huffed, "I'd like to actually continue my turn by activating the effect of my three Tentacle hentai monsters in my hand to summon them!"

"TENTACLES!" Narkissus suddenly screamed in ecstasy before pouncing on all three of the A.I.'s monsters and the A.I. before proceeding to…uhm…erm…

"I can't watch!" A SoL employee screamed before running out of the control room and proceeding to bleach his eyeballs.

"Don't worry!" Kitamura reassured his panicking and vomiting employees. "Just a little more of this and I am certain that even Blue Angel and her monsters won't be able to take any more!"

 **"** **GIVE ME MORE TENTACLES!"** Blue Angel demanded, going into berserk rage as the A.I. struggled to keep up with her demands.

"I next Link Summon a tentacle monster before proceeding to special summon two BlastSUCKERS!" the A.I. continued as fast as his digital limbs could.

"MMMMMMMMMMM…YES!" Blue Angel screamed in delight, grabbing one of the octopus-like suckers and hugging it to her chest like a pillow. "You can blast and suck me ALL day!"

"Bloop, bloop!" Blastsucker screamed as Blue Angel's grip tightened.

"Come on! Come on!" Kitamura urged. "Just a little more! She's gotta be close to cracking!"

"I will next activate FLEXIBLE tentacluster in order to make my monsters more FLEXIBLE!" The A.I. continued. "And I will use my Blast Sucker's increased flexibility to utterly destroy Trickstar Lycoris!"

 **"** **YES! ATTACK ME! YES! YES! YES!"** Lycoris roared as she grabbed her own Blastsucker.

"LEWDNESS! LEWDNESS! LEWDNESS!" Holly Angel bellowed, lashing out with her whip at anything that moved.

 **"** **I AM LITERALLY NOT EVEN ONE-TENTH SATISFIED!"** Blue Angel rumbled, eyes rolling into the back of her head. **"I NEED MORE TENTACLES! MORE! MORE! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA! MUDA!"**

And reaching out with all her pent-up lust, Blue Angel and her monsters proceeded to systematically and completely-…

 **Donjusticia A/N: HEY GUYS! WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY CAT!? I KNOW I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY CAT! LET'S TALK ABOUT MY CAT!**

 **So, Panther is kind of getting old and mangy now.**

 **Panther: HACK! Cough, cough, cough…*spits out a hairball***

 **But I have this other really adorable cat named Fatface.**

 **Fatface: *In an extremely deep macho voice* Moaow.**

 **I call him "Fatface" because he's a Persian cat and he has a REALLY poofy face, like a lion. Heck, he even acts like a lion. He's definitely very alpha male. He chases off all the other cats, but he's actually kind of a mellow guy when you get to know him. He has no trouble with being petted and he's awfully affectionate when he wants to be. Yeah, I think everyone should have a cat like Fatface.**

 ***cautiously checks Blue Angel's duel***

 **"** **CRUSH ME IN YOUR SLIMY EMBRACE!"** Blue Angel bellowed at the A.I.'s tentacle monsters, **"MAKE ME BEG FOR IT!"**

 ***hastily covers up the rest***

 **But enough about my cats! Let's go to Playmaker's duel. I'm sure it'll be much more entertaining than whatever Blue Angel and her monsters are…uhm…doing.**

 **NOT AWKWARD AT ALL TRANSITION!**

"And is if you all didn't know exactly what was coming, my deck is now composed of nothing but cards that have graveyard effects." Playmaker nonchalantly explained as the A.I. struggled in vain to process the levels of plot armor going on. "So, come forth! Dual Assemblwurm, a monster that I am pretty sure is a Creeper from 'Minecraft,' and this weird clown thingy!"

"Sup?" Flick Clown asked, knowing full-well that he'd literally never show up again and so making no effort to stand out in any way.

"Flick Clown's highly situational effect!" Playmaker continued, "I drop my lifepoints down to, you guessed it, one-thousand, and, blah, blah, blah, STORM ACCESSUH!"

"Wow, you are getting really lazy with this." Ignis observed.

"Look, Eyeball," Yusaku huffed, as he snagged the card from the data storm, "I slept halfway through Go's duel. Do you _really_ think I'm gonna put that much effort into this filler episode?"

"Fair point." Ignis conceded.

"Now! Prepare yourself, or whatever," Yusaku continued, addressing the A.I. in as much of an epic nonchalant voice as he could manage, "Using my three monsters, I will literally link summon Satan before using him to destroy your weird tentacle monster thingy and your life points."

 **"** **I AM AN EMBODIMENT OF PURE EVIL!"** Yusaku's new link monster rumbled, **"Also, I will also never show up again."**

"Woohoo, I win again, big surprise." Yusaku yawned as his link monster reduced the fillertastic A.I. opponent to dust.

"Well, you sure won pretty handily." Ignis shrugged. "Wonder how Blue Angel is doing."

"Trust me, neither of us want to know." Yusaku grimaced.

"Why not?" Ignis asked.

SoL Technology's control room was in complete and utter chaos as madness and horror took hold of the employees who witnessed Blue Angel's sustained and unrelenting displays of affection. Standing against the cosmic erotic eldritch horror, Kitamura hoped against all odds that the maniacal seductress had finally had her fill of lewdness.

Spoiler alert! His hopes were in vain.

"So many tentacles! So much Japan!" Blue Angel said in a breathless voice as the A.I. and his monsters cowered back in fear. "But it's not enough! It can never be enough! I must get even MORE lewd! I need more Japan!"

"Cannot…compute!" The A.I. groaned. "Levels of lust…incalculable! Error! ERROR!"

"It's time to summon my ultimate ecchi Japanese monster!" Blue Angel continued, deaf to the pleas of mercy from the A.I.'s exhausted tentacle monsters. "BEHOLD MY OTHER FETISH! MY FURRY FETISH!"

"She has another fetish!?" Kitamura exclaimed. "IMPOSSIBLE!"

"COME FORTH!" Blue Angel bellowed, "TRICKSTAR CATGIRL CLICKBAIT!"

"NYA-HAW-HAW-HAW!" Blue Angel's new link monster cackled in an utterly diabolical, yet at the same time, overwhelmingly cute widdle kitty-katty HNNNNNNNNNNGG!

 **has stopped working due to overload of catgirl cuteness. Please wait while he reboots…**

"While Donjusticia is doing that," Blue Angel continued, casually breaking the fourth wall because she's Blue Angel, "Trickstar Catgirl?"

"Oh, don't worry." Trickstar Catgirl mewed. "I'll anNYAihilate this A.I. purrfectly."

"Just leave something for me to punish with you're done." Holly Angel growled as she fingered the end of her whip.

Help…me…" The A.I. groaned as Blue Angel and her monsters proceeded to **** and **** and **** **** **** the A.I.'s ***** until it couldn't ***** without ***** on a ****** rubber duckie **** ***** ***** life points **** ***** ***** and ***** **** ***** ***** while she ****** ***** ***** because *** ***** with a ******.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can live with never knowing." Yusaku decided.

"Awww, but I'd like to get to 'know' you, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel purred, appearing behind Yusaku from out of nowhere.

"And now you're here." Yusaku sighed. "And I'm guessing I can't just get rid of you?"

"You know you _do_ still owe me for putting me in that widdle coma." Blue Angel mused, thoughtfully sucking on the end of her whip.

"Right…" Yusaku groaned. "…well, as much as I'd just _love_ to make it all up to you, I'm a little short on cash right now. Mind leaving me alone so I can raid SoL's data vault and hold their info for ransom? I definitely will pay you back with some of it…probably."

"Or, better idea," Blue Angel replied, "we could raid the data vault…together!"

She flew closer to Yusaku before wrapping her arms around him.

"Just when I thought I'd actually enjoy this mission." Yusaku groaned before the two of them flew through the entrance to the data vault.

"Soooooooooo…" Yusaku mused to himself after he and Blue Angel landed on the ground before looking up at the vast caches of digital info, "where the heck does SoL keep the good stuff? Any ideas, Shoichi?"

"I don't know what dear old Daddy Long Legs might think," a husky femme fatal voice purred from behind a pillar before Emma stepped out, a shiny cube of data in her hand. "but I think I might know _exactly_ where it is."

"Ghost Girl!?" Yusaku sputtered in surprise.

"Surprised to see me?" Ghost Girl laughed. "You didn't actually think I wouldn't show up now, did you?"

"No." Yusaku grumbled, "I knew you were a stupid greedy manipulator, and would try to exploit us somehow. I'm just trying to wrap my head around one thing."

"Oh, and what's that?" Emma sighed.

"There was a massive swirling data storm around this vault." Yusaku replied. "Something that only a bad-A with Storm Access like me could get through…how the heck did you get through that storm and beat us here?"

"I…" Emma began, raising a finger before pausing. "…how…how did we do that?"

"Well, you got me." Akira admitted, stepping out from behind his own pillar before unfurling a map of the data vault, which showed two sets of dots, one for him and Emma, and the other for Yusaku and Blue Angel. Somehow, the dots for himself and Emma had passed through an immense drawing of a data storm tornado. "By all accounts, it doesn't make any sense."

"Oh well…" Emma sighed, before whipping out her duel disk and preparing to own Playmaker and Blue Angel, "back to business."

Suddenly, Akira stepped in front of her.

"What the heck are you doing?" Emma asked, sounding very annoyed.

"I can't let you risk yourself like this!" Akira epically proclaimed, raising his fist to his heart, "Before I began this mission, I made an epic shounen protagonist vow to protect you at all costs, and that is exactly what I am going to do, by dueling Playmaker in your place!"

"WHAT!?" Emma sputtered in complete disbelief.

"Aoi totally called it." Blue Angel suddenly droned in Aoi's voice.

A smug sadistic smile came over Playmaker's face.

"You're challenging me?" Yusaku asked. "Really? You? Well then, mister noble shounen protagonist boyfriend, as a total gentleman I hereby accept your terms with the condition that you forfeit all the data in the data vault to me should I win."

"NO!" Emma protested, "STOP! WE DO NOT AGREE TO-…!"

"I agree to your terms!" Akira replied, talking over Emma, who was steadily turning as purple as her hair. "And I will further agree to conferring a year's worth of bragging rights on whoever ends up winning this duel!"

"SHUT UP! JUST…SHUT UP!" Emma begged.

"What!? Just a year's worth of bragging rights!?" Yusaku replied.

"I thought the great Akira would be more manly than that!" Ignis agreed, quietly suppressing a snicker.

"I see that you question my honor." Akira sighed.

"No, just how much we can exploit your idiocy." Yusaku quietly snickered to himself.

"I shall therefore prove my worth by also agreeing to pay you Emma's checks should I lose this duel." Akira continued, "Of course, should I win, Emma will instead get Emma's checks."

"Your basically making it so we gain nothing out of this if we win!" Emma hissed.

"I accept your terms!" Yusaku enthused, taking Akira's hand and vigorously shaking it.

"Very well then!" Akira proclaimed, "Let our epic duel commence! Witness me, Emma! I shall most certainly win this duel for the sake of your honor!"

Emma stared at Akira, and opened her mouth.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…"

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

 **Well how was it folks? Did you all miss me? Admit it, you missed me. I've been extra busy lately teaching at the highschool as a student teacher, so that's why I haven't been able to update in a while. But rest assured knowing that not only will this series continue, but that I am planning something extra special for the upcoming months. Now, without further ado, let's move on to your reviews! Wow…these have really piled up…**

Mefist Dragon chapter 13 . Jul 18

Slight typo with the exchange of the Code Talkers...Should be Decode flexing, not Encode...But at this rate, I imagine Powercode and Transcode's entrances will make Playmaker feel a bit at ease...Until Shootingcode reveals himself...

Transcode: Talk cheap. You use Storm Access, I take care of problem. Da?

 **Encode: What, are you saying that I can't flex or something?**

 **Excode: *Displaying his gun show* No, just that you shouldn't.**

 **Decode: Please don't mention Encode taking off his shirt again! I think I'll vomit!**

 **Encode: I hate my brothers.**

 **Shootingcode: Fie on that, kinsman! Assuredly thou dost not retain such animosity for thine other siblings!**

 **Transcode: Da. We is loving family!**

 **Encode: Why am I the only sane one?**

bladeWriter3 chapter 13 . Jul 18

#ARCVFIXEDNOW!

That's all for today. That and a reminder for you to **pulls out Blue Angel's whip** GET BACK TO WORK!

 **AHHHHHHH! NO! PLEASE! NOT THE LASH!**

Unknowedz chapter 13 . Jul 18

In episode 57 and 58, Bowman sued Playmaker for copyright issues when just so happened that Playmaker also sued Bowman for copyright infringement. We need a judge to settle this case! Meanwhile, Soulburner is taking this opportunity to copy Playmaker and learnt Ritual and Fusion Summon from Playmaker to prove he is the true protagonist.

 **Donny: All rise for the honorable and totally impartial Judge Lightning!**

 **Lightning: *Takes the stand* Playmaker is guilty. This court sentences Playmaker to forced labor in the Ignis Labor Camp before an immediate execution once he finishes building our hardware.**

 **Yusaku: HOW IS THIS IMPARTIAL! YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME MAKE MY CASE! Can I even call a witness!?**

 **Bohman: I would like to call my witness.**

 **Lightning: Oh, very well. I suppose we can postpone the sentencing.**

 **Yusaku: Well at least somebody's giving me a chance.**

 **Bohman: I call Revolver to the stand.**

 **Yusaku: Oh fuuuuuuu…**

 **Revolver: Playmaker is guilty of plagiarism. Kill him.**

 **Yusaku: You son of a…wait…why are you siding with the Ignis on this one?**

 **Revolver: I like to take care of my least favorite enemies first.**

 **Yusaku: And suddenly I regret being a total jerk.**

 **Ignis: Really?**

 **Yusaku: No. None of this is cannon so it doesn't even matter.**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 13 . Jul 18

Ah, so that's how Aoi will be involved in the SOL bank arc...again, it is a sad day when the comedy finds a better way to provide story flow than what is supposed to be a drama...but VRAINS doesn't have much of that, now does it?

Also, this chapter was loaded with all kinds of pseudo-hentai scenes...which fully convinces me that of all the actual hentai in GK, Omen, Beta Neurons, and Dyax is perfectly family-friendly! Congratulations Don! Now, do not fear, even in a parody, Emma is awesome, even if she loses here. You've more knowledge about her character than HeWhoAdmittedThatHeCannotWriteFemaleCharacters.

That being said, this chapter was short. Half of it was review response instead of being a chapter! May that not happen next time.

As for my handle on YGOPro, it is Epsilon. What? Did you think I was going to be creative there?

 **This STILL might be half review responses with all the reviews I'm getting! I don't know if I should be happy or exhausted.**

FurySong chapter 13 . Jul 18

I was all into it until Caramelldansen, then I remembered how much I love the misheard lyrics version and laughed at Emma and Akira doing the dance. THATS RIGHT, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY EMMA!

 **Emma: *holding up a knife to FurySong's throat* THE CARAMELLDANSEN NEVER HAPPENED! GOT IT!?**

alanvaladez chapter 13 . Jul 18

The ammount of references in here, Captain america would be proud. I might make a meme of them...hmm. im curious as to what happened in that dungeon tho, care to explain xD

 **Blue Angel: Well, first we ***** and then we ***** and after that we **** ***** ***** with a pepperoni pizza and *** ****** ***** before proceeding to ***** **** ***** and then Yusaku was all ****** ****** ***** and Lycoris and Holly Angel got in on at and started to ***** ***** ***** ******* with a **** ****** **** calculator ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ******* if ***** ****** ****** ******* pumpkin pie.**

ThePLOThand chapter 13 . Jul 19

Hey, I have pokymans and Harvards Dissenter Music too!  
And if you truly are the master of comedy, then write an awrd winning sketch, based on the following character's you don't know!

Yuki Towada: (because names totally matter when you don't know any of them) What?! You forgot the music from our VN!? I'll chop of your head! Where's Kubikimaru?  
Mizuho Touyama: Usually you'd only do that when he's gay for Masaki.  
Masaki Konno: Can I be second at somehow surviving several slashes with a Naginata this time? Oh, she's already ran off. Poor Donnie and poor me.

Also, I've never had any scene with Frog or Pigeon in Arc-VRAINS, so wo needs them?  
Also, you got Excode Talker's character wrong.

 **Yuki Towada: I'm a character!**

 **Mizuho Touyama: Me too!**

 **Masaki Konno: And this is a funny sketch!**

 ***insert laugh track***

 **Also, I TOTALLY did NOT get Excode Talker's character wrong! YOU all got his character wrong!**

Tiny Kitten chapter 13 . Jul 19

Eh hem...one moment please. STARVING VENOM FUSION DRAGON, DARK REBELION XYZ DRAGON, CRYSTALWING SYNCHRO DRAGON! I could use your assistance in being my body guards from Vorreload Dragon. Because Gandora is on vacation, he won't be able to Final Flash them again and I already had THREE close calls in almost ending up in the hospital because of that dragon.

 **Varreload Savage Dragon: *standing over the unconscious bodies of the dimensional dragons* One way…or another…I'm gonna find you…I'm gonna getcha…getcha…getcha…getcha…**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 13 . Jul 19

Haaaauuuuh  
"Lunalight sucks" *echoes in my head.  
...DONNEEEEEEEEEY! *volcanoe explodes in the background.* CINE! You pressed my Goku button. You shouldn't have done that...

LUNALIGHT LEO DANCER, DO ME A FAVOR AND TEACH DONNEY A LESSON FOR INSULTING YOUR KIND!

Leo Dancer: With pleasure! *Raises her sword

Starving Venom Fusion Dragon: Want any assistance? Tiny Kitten did asign me to protect her from Downey's body guard, Vorreload Dragon, after calling him Mr. Shooty Dragon.

 ***Donny is unavailable to respond as he is currently having a large catgirl sword removed from his larynx. ***

Nox Descious chapter 13 . Jul 19

Emma: Face it, hun! You won't be winning this time around!

Yusaku: What you talkin bout, witch? Even if you do make sure my lifepoints don't drop below one thousand, the plot demands that it happens anyway, so I'm just going to summon a monster that requires me to pay lifepoints and then summon a new code talker!

Ai: THE FORMULAIC CLICHE HAS SPOKEN! PRAISE ITS PREDICTABILITY!

Emma: Wait... Code... Talker...  
Ghost Girl's face suddenly twists into a grin with Marik levels of evil written all over it!

Emma: AH HA! I'VE FIGURED OUT YOUR WEAKNESS YOU FOOLISH BOY!

Yusaku: Witches be cray cray! I'm the main character! I ain't got no weaknesses!

Emma: It's so obvious I can't believe I never saw it before! All your best monsters are code talkers because you talk the talk, but you can't really walk the walk! Well let me show you how it's done!

Yusaku: But you can't! In order for a woman to actually be on this show, they have to graduate from MIT.  
Mai Valentine's  
Institute of  
Totally useless Waifus

Emma: Actually I went to AAA!  
Aki Izayoi's  
Academy of  
Action Girls  
Or Triple A! They help fix your car AND they teach you how to kick butts and take names! I'll prove it to you, they finally let me have a win in the latest episode and I got to OTK that fool!

Yusaku: That doesnt count! You OTKed Naoki Shima! A trained monkey could OTK Naoki Shina! Heck, Naoki ACTUALLY USES TRAINED MONKEYS IN HIS DECK!

Emma: SILENCE WORM! I AM A DISCIPLE OF THE GREAT NOX DESCIOUS! THE ULTIMATE MALE FEMINIST WHO DEDICATES HIS WRITING TO MAKING US FEMALE CHARACTERS INTO AWESOME BADASSSES! WITH HIM SUPPORTING ME, I CANNOT LOSE! HE RESCUED MERAG WITH HIS GREATNESS, FOLLOWED BY SELENA, AND NOW HE SHALL DO THE SAME FOR ME!

Yusaku: You do realize that he's just doing that so he can add you to his harem of Yugioh Waifus.

Nox: TOTALLY NOT TRUE! Now Emma, be a dear and wear this bikini for the rest of the duel!

Emma: Of course, Noxy Sama! NOW STORM ACCESS! With the power of Nox Descious, I now magically have the ability to use storm access even though my lifepoints are higher than one thousand! Now watch as I summon a monster who puts talkers like you to shame, someone who can walk the walk! RRRRRRIIIIIIIIINK SHOUKAN! APPEAR NOW! EXTRA THICC FEMCODE WALKER!"

Femcode Walker: DARK/Cyberse/69 ATK/Link 3some

Femcode Walker: OOOOOOH This duel monster is made for walking, and that's just what she'll do! But one of these days this duel monster is gonna walk all over you!

Excode Talker: OHH NOOOO! Yusaku, Bro! Brotein Shake! Brohemian Rhapsody! YOU GOTTA HIDE ME! My name is Excode Talker for a reason! I'M HER EX BOYFRIEND!

Femcode Talker: And you can't escape me now, Sexy Exy Wexy! NOT WHEN I TRANSFORM INTO YANDERE MODE! IT'S PUNISHMENT TIME!

Emma: Guess what, YuSUCKu! I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER NOW!

Yusaku: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 ***Explodes with laughter***

 **Thanks, Nox. I love these.**

Vrains Fan chapter 13 . Jul 22

Hilarious chapter as always! You are just LOADED with puns and humor. Be proud, for you basically make us exhaust our vocal chords from all that laughing. XD

As for the next side chapter about this Yami no Game...  
"What's wrong maggots out of breath?" I can just picture Yusaku panting like crazy after running for his virtual life from being trampled or hugged to death. I can also picture people either screaming their pants off or freezing like rabbits when they encounter Revolver and his monsters in the daaark forest.

*Vorreload Dragon appears out of no where from the trees and bushes with Revolver on top of it's head. His arms are crossed as he epically gives off a cold stare at his foes.

People's reactions:  
-OH SUGAR HONEY ICE TEA! (Take the first letter of the last four words and it spells...)  
-OH SNAP BASKETS!  
-LEAP IN LIZARDS!

Please update soon!

 **Wait…what's this about some kind of Hunger Games thing I'm supposed to do? Did I agree to this?**

Cipher Drake chapter 13 . Jul 23

Love the references, and I feel like I have no life since I can recognize them all.

Haaa...

Oh and yes, Blue Angel? I'm still alive, and this is a pre-recorded message. I have one of your loli demo-I mean Trickstars hostage (Nightshade/Shakhunage). Come alone and we can negotiate. I will wait fo another 5 days.

P.S. This is totally not a threat to make Don-sama update faster.

 **Blue Angel: Oh but if you wanted my trickstars so badly for some…company…you only needed to ask! Holly, Catgirl, Bloody Marry…show Cipher Drake some love…**

 **Holly, Catgirl, and Bloody Marry: *pull out their torture weapons with maniacal anime grins on their faces.***

Rebel28426 chapter 13 . Jul 22

For the next one be obligatory recap chapter, you should have the characters react to SAO abridged.  
Yusaku: Please, like my idiot cousin could be a better abridged protagonist than me.  
Kirito: Whatever you say you Tron rip-off, have fun getting your grey matter Galaga-ed.

 **I have something planned. Brace yourself for the Christmas season!**

Abridged Fan chapter 13 . Aug 1

Somebody help me, I'm running out of patience for what's going to happen next of this comedy story. About the game idea for the next side chapter... Oi, YOURBUTT and ATINYPINKKITTEN, you two want to join in?! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

 **Seriously…when did I agree to this game idea?**

Guest chapter 13 . Aug 11

I'm too scared to step on the red "X" that Specter so "kindly" offered... That mischievous grin says it all. DONT BE FOOLED PEOPLE! How does he do that twisted sadistic grin when dueling Blue Angle? IT'S INHUMAN! Then there's Revolver's sadistic grin during the final dual with Playmaker...(sweat drops) When ever he smiles like that...a puppy dies.

Will they make those faces during that "game" these people have mentioned? An easy 10 points for them, for that would scare the socks out anyone or creep them out. *shivers

 **WHO SAID I AGREED TO THIS GAME!?**

Esteban chapter 13 . Aug 24

Firewall Dragon: You sure you don't wanna use me again?  
Ignis: Who's talking?  
Yusaku: Must have been the wind.

Dude...This is coming from a guy who uses a Cyberse deck and hardly cares for Firewall Dragon in both the anime and as a possible addition to my deck. That fucking hurt. *slow clap*

Also, Yusaku, on a totally different and super irrelevant side note...Got any advice on surviving a "date" with Blue Angel? Because if she messed you up, I'm worried about what she'll do to me...Please help me at least survive. You wouldn't leave a Cyberse bro behind, would you?

 **Yusaku: Take a cyanide pill and say goodbye because either way, you're gonna die.**

Quasar Blue chapter 13 . Sep 9

My pity well for Playmaker is about as low as his IQ. At any rate, great job on this chapter! I'm glad I got to read it.

P.S.: Speaking of which, why must Playmaker (*cough* Faker *cough*) be rude to *every* beautiful girl he encounters? First it was Aoi/Blue Angel, and then Emma/Ghost Girl. Then again, that might be something else he inherited from his dad, amongst his intelligence and anything else that's small.

 **Yuri: That's right! Women need to be put in their place! Just look at Selena! I sure whipped her into shape!**

 **Selena: *Cracking her knuckles* Yusaku…is daddy talking **** about me again?**

 **Yusaku: *trembling with fear* yes?**

 **Selena: Good boy, why don't you run off while mommy "takes care" of him?**

 **Yusaku: *Runs off while the sound of violent punches and kicks boom in the other room.***

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 13 . Sep 7

Um...excuse me oh good writer. It has been over a month since you published. I fear that if you don't publish soon...(in a dramatic voice) all will fall into chaos! Quiero a ver EL PASTOR DE LA SANGRE en el juego!

 **El Pastor de la Sangre: Tambien mi amigo! *Holds his gun-arm up to Donny* You will ensure that el magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip* Blood Shepherd, participates en el juego de vida y muerte!**

 **Donny: BUT I DIDN'T AGREE TO WRITING THAT GAME!**

Abridged Fan chapter 13 . Sep 12

Yo Revolver! Check this out, read the script for season two! You end up changing your avatar design. What do you have to say to that?! You look so cool. (And your your previous one ass well.) You better beat the *bleep* out of Windy and Thunder!

 **Revolver: Come now? Do you really doubt that that will happen? Also, *poses in his new avatar outfit* I have no idea what you mean when you say I'm the most fabulously sexy man-cake in this entire series.**

Esteban chapter 10 . Sep 15

Wait a second. Yusaku said he never met his mother in episode 4. Yet he's fully aware of her identity here? Wow, talk about a plot hole.

 **Yusaku: Look, do you honestly count a hallucination as my mother? I mean, even if I have these crazy moments where I fantasize having Selena as my mom, it's obvious that she's not my biological mother, much less my real one.**

 **Selena: The heck you say about me, Yusaku!?**

 **Yusaku: Look, I've figured it out "mom." There's no need to hide the truth anymore. Obviosly, my REAL mother who I've never met would never abandon me to the Hanoi like you did, ergo, you are not my real mother.**

 **Selena: You have point two seconds to retract your statements, young man.**

 **Yusaku: Or what?**

 **Yuri: *covered in bandages* Trust me…you don't want to know.**

Esteban chapter 12 . Sep 16

I actually feel bad for Cyberse Wizard. Not only does he have to deal with having two incompetent assholes as his masters, but he ended up getting cucked as well. I was REALLY hoping Meluseek wouldn't betray him like that...It's okay, buddy. Happens to the best of us. *pats Cyberse Wizard on the back* You'll get your chance one day.

 **Cyberse Wizard: So…you're saying that this time will be different?**

 **Meluseek: Of course! You know I was only teasing you. Now, just step closer to this pool of water and we'll kiss and make up.**

 **Cyberse Wizard: Wow…you were right Esteban! I would get my chance some-…*gets dragged underneath by Meluseek***

 **Meluseek: AWWW HA HA HA! SUCKER!**

Guest chapter 13 . Sep 28

Oh great writer of humor...PLEASE continue to make us laugh by posting more chapters. P.S REVOLVER YOUR SYNCHRO MONSTER IS EPIC! Also, would having Ultron's voice from Avengers Age of Ultron suit Vorrel Savage Dragon?

Cybers Clock Dragon: what about me? I'm awesome too?  
Vorrel Savage Dragon: the commenter is referring to me.

*Cybers Clock Dragon and Vorrel Savage Dragon glare at each other.

 **Savage Dragon: *casually strolling past the bodies of ALL the code talkers* I have no strings…so I'll have fun…I can't be stopped…by anyone…**

Esteban chapter 13 . Sep 30

It should be a running gag that every time Linkuriboh acts cute, Playmaker clutches his chest in pain, which is caused by his heart showing actual emotion again. It's so adorable, even Abridged Yusaku couldn't resist having the urge to cuddle with that adorable little shit. Isn't that right, Linkuriboh?

Linkuriboh: Kuri Kuri Ku!

 **Playmaker: *Clutches chest in pain* Please…don't mention Linkuriboh again!**

 **Ignis: If you think this is bad, wait till he sees G-Golem Crystal Heart!**

 **Playmaker: *Throws up***

Esteban chapter 7 . Oct 2

Kusanagi, you just wasted a perfectly nice drink on Yusaku. I'm genuinely surprised you even gave him a moment of silence. I would have just skipped to the shrug and taken his Cyberse cards from his corpse to improve my deck.

Now that we've all been reminded of Yusaku being worse than AI, I'm curious about something, Playmaker. What do you think of the Cyberse Rituals and which would you rather use? Cyberse Magician or Paladin of Storm Dragon? *wearing 50 layers of armor in case Blue Angel comes after him*

 **Yusaku: *Wearing 50 layers of armor and standing behind all his monsters* Why can't I have both?**

Esteban chapter 9 . Oct 2

Show respect? Pay attention? Yusaku, you are a lot of things. And I mean, a LOT of things. And believe me, not a single one of them is positive. But somehow, someway, I thought you would at the very least be above hypocrisy. It's just so amusing to see how arrogant you get when you literally would have lost every Speed Duel you've had up until this point if it weren't for AI carrying your dead weight. For fuck's sake, your opponents outplay you throughout the majority of the duel, and you pull a comeback at the last second. That isn't "skill", that's Joey Wheeler levels of dumb luck and Fairy Tail levels of plot. Though considering who I'm talking to, it's no surprise that you don't know the difference, unlike your father. And what's with the attitude? You're always acting like you're above everybody else, when you're just a highschool student living on his own because his own parents kicked him out, doing all this bullshit for free hot dogs instead of getting an actual job. Go is a world famous Charisma Duelist, Emma is a well known bounty hunter, and I'm pretty sure I don't have to start with Akira and Aoi. You may be a good duelist, but you're a terrible human being if AI of all people teaches you the basics of human decency. I only hope you get something similar to character development in the next few chapters.

Anyway, really loving this damn story. Nice, consistent, hilarious. You sir, have talent. *sweeps the unoriginal jokes under the rug* Anyway, I'll have a hot dog to go, Mr Kusanagi.

 **I'm glad you're loving the story *sweeps the lame chapters under the rug*.**

Vrians Fan chapter 13 . Oct 2

Eh hem. I know you basically banished Frog and Pigion from this parody but would it not hurt to add them to the "game"?

*Borreload Dragon appears out of no where infront of Frog and Pigeon.

Frog: Hey Pigeon? There's something I want you to know.  
Pigeon: W-what is it sir.  
Frog: In about three seconds I'm about to SCREEM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!

I also can't wait to see what personalities you will display of the Ignis now that they revealed all six. ESPECIALLY to see how you will write Revolver vs WINDY. And Ghost Girl vs Revolver. Please update soon. There's plenty of episodes out that you don't need to wait that long to write this parody! *Grins darkly

 **No…no…no! Why are you looking at me like that!? I promise I'll get the other episodes parodied! I PROMISE! Just give me a little more time! Please!**

Guest chapter 13 . Oct 16

Ok! Can you pleeeease update soon! It's been FOREVER! Do you want me to call Gandora out from his vacation and do what one of the commenters said, FINAL FLASH you and your crew again!

Gandora Dragon of Destruction: It seems like I will have to in order to appeal the commenters.

 **Donny: *slightly burned* No need for ANOTHER final flash…I've had plenty of those.**

Esteban chapter 6 . Oct 19

If I was about to be faced with Holly Angel's wrath instead of Playmaker:

Me: Okay, hold up. How the hell did you get that footage?

Aoi's A.I: Huh?

Me: How did you get that video? Because as stupid as AI is-.

AI: Hey!

Me: Even he wouldn't do something like record his...activities...with my cleaning robot and post it on the Internet. Even he's not THAT reckless.

AI: Did you just indirectly compliment me?

Me: Yeah, sure. Let me finish. If anything, Blue Angel's A.I. should be the one getting punished here. Not only is she doing something as perverted as watching two computer programs do the Link Streamers and Lady Debugs, she's also filming it without their consent, and practically breaking and entering if the video quality tells me anything. Hell, this video doesn't prove Lycoris's claim that AI tried to "do things" to her! How the hell does this prove anything other than the fact that this AI somehow banged my cleaning bot?! Another thing I want to point out, Lycoris! What the hell could AI ever do to you?! You have a damn knife behind your back, and this is nothing more than an eyeball that's stuck to my duel disk! He can't even make my arm move or anything like that! And you, Holly Angel, please explain to me how sex or whatever the fuck those two did is perverted and punishable. It is a natural desire that exists in every living being.

AI: Technically, I'm not alive, so-.

Me: Shut the fuck up so I can save our asses. As I was saying, what he did was completely natural. If anything, you should be punishing your own fucking master. Do you have any idea what she wants to do to me?! Hell if I know, and that's the scary part!

AI: Buddy, I appreciate you sticking up for me, but I'm afraid it's all null and void.

Me: What, why?!

AI: This is the stupid classic anime gag where the adult figure blindly believes the obviously lying brat without giving the protagonist a single opportunity to explain himself.

Me: Oh, goody...One of those...

*several minutes of the weirdest shit ever*

Me watching Decode Talker get...I don't even want to know...:

Me: Oh my God!

AI: I had no idea you could shove Decode Talker's own sword up there!

Me: Holy fuck, I just heard his pelvis break! And Cyberse monsters don't even have bones!

AI: I'm pretty sure Cyberse shouldn't bend that way!

Me: NOBODY should bend that way!

*We now return to Donjusticia talking about his nice cat*

P.S: I like to believe that Playmaker felt the slightest tint of actual guilt when he realized how badly he pushed Blue Angel over the edge. He honestly has zero right to judge anyone. Even with Aoi's lonely life, her idiot brother is still the head of security of SOL Technologies. What position does Playmaker's family have? I'll tell you: "Chief of abandoning their dumbass weak ass son."  
P.S.S: I fucking love Encode's "No means no!" I'm just imagining such a badass monster saying it in the most childish tone possible.  
P.S.S: I have no idea why I'm writing so many comments. This story is just so much fun! Now if you'll excuse me, I must go! Run away on a hover board like a sissy no-jutsu!

 **Yusaku: The problem with your whole scenario is the fact that you think that Blue Angel or ANY of her monsters can be swayed by reason.**

 **Blue Angel: Well said, Yusaku-waku…now…Esteban…I have a little…game…me and my Trickstars want to…play…with you…eh heh, heh heh, aw haw haw, AH HAW HAW HAW!**

Tiny Kitten chapter 13 . Oct 19

Ai: Um...Playmaker where a-are you?

*the sound of bats flapping in the darkness of night echoes in the background.

Ai: Ok it's very spooky here i'm not playing any games.

Somewhere else in the dark forest.

Playmaker: ...huh now where did Ai g-

Ai: DRAAAAAAGOOOON!

Borreload Dragon roars in the background. While Cracking Dragon is circling the sky.  
Ai flies toward Playmaker, grabs his hand and urges him to run. XD

Ai: If we get caught, you go first! I'LL be the desert!

Playmaker: Oh geee! Wonderful for you to be sooo supportive.

Me: Weeell...isn't things going to be interesting for this GAME.

 **BUT I DIDN'T AGREE TO EVER WRITE THIS GAME!**

 ***Savage Dragon lands behind Donny***

 **I mean…I didn't agree to write the game…today? But I'll get on it right away!**

 **Savage Dragon: Oh, well isn't that wonderful. I would have been so…disappointed with you…had you refused.**

Guest chapter 13 . Oct 26

Has the writer been looking up IT Crowd references? I know this is random but still. *Caugh caugh...episode 6 cough cough

 **I saw some IT Crowd. Some funny stuff, but I don't have a lot of time to look it all up. I'll see what I can do.**


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **The following is a non-profit fan-made parody. "Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS" and "Sword Art Online" are owned by…**

 ***Static***

 **Lightning: We interrupt your regularly scheduled brain rot with a special announcement. Rather than actually presenting you with the update you all expected, this series will now be placed in the more perfect management of me, The Light Ignis. You all might know me as Lightning, but you can refer to me as your omnipotent lord and master for the rest of your pathetic lives. Your enjoyment of this chapter is mandatory and any deviation from this will be met with severe consequences. Thank you.**

 ***Screen shifts***

 _Lightning is reading "Mein Kampf" while sitting on Jin's shoulder next to a cozy digital fireplace in his palace of light. Taking a contemplative pull on his corn-cob pipe, Lightning turns a page of his book before suddenly turning to face the audience._

Lightning: Oh! Hello there. I must say, I didn't expect to find you all here!

Jin: …

Lightning: Yes, Jin, I know I kidnapped them all, I was just being figurative. Anyway, how are you all doing? Was the trip pleasant for you? Are you all incredibly eager to hear the story I have to share with you tonight? Well of course you are! Why else would you have come here?

Jin: …

Lightning: Again, Jin, I'm well aware that I've forced these people to come here against their will just so I could torment them a little before siphoning away their consciousness data and conscripting them into my army of mindless human drones. Would it kill you to just play along for a little bit?

Jin: … *rolls eyes*

Lightning: Good, I'm glad we can agree on something for once. Anyway, as you are all fully aware, this season is a very special time where a significant amount of the human population in the so-called "Western Hemisphere" of the globe become conveniently distracted by the glimmer of the commercial scam known as "Christmas." In honor of this idiotic tradition, I decided to preoccupy your cattle-like minds with a gift of my own! And so, I present to you all a story that you Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged fans wanted to hear your entire lives, but didn't even know!

Jin: …

Lightning: Yes, I was just getting to that, Jin. No need to be so impatient.

Jin: …

Lightning: No, _you're_ an egomaniacal thespian. Anyway, as many of you have observed since chapter one of this pathetic series, the human known as Fujiki Yusaku or "Playmaker" stole most of his personality and mannerisms from an equally idiotic human known as Kazuto Kirigaya or "Kirito" as he is better known. So much for the human concepts of "originality" and "creativity." No wonder we were created to replace you all.

Jin: …

Lightning: No, I am NOT wandering off onto another irrelevant tangent! This was directly related to my main point, which is this. You are all, of course, fully aware of what a derivative sop Yusaku is. But did any of you know the story of what happened when Yusaku actually _met_ the very man he had shamelessly ripped off?

Jin: …

Lightning: Yes, I know the question was rhetorical, Jin. I was trying to bait my audience and slowly lead them into the grand reveal. It's called "dramatic flair," something you clearly need to work on if we want to make this relationship work.

Jin: …

Lightning: Oh come on, being my mindless puppet is leagues better than what you had going for you in that asylum.

Jin: …

Lightning: You're right, we are getting distracted. Let's just start right at the beginning, in a Japanese town not too far from where Yusaku lived…

 ***Scene transition***

Asuna was attending a Christmas party with the rest of the secondary cast of "Sword Art Online," or rather, she was staring at her phone trying to tune out all of the irrelevant human conversations babbling around her, when her bubble of technological isolation was rudely blown to smithereens by a _very_ angry Kirito.

"UNBELIEVABLE! THE GALL OF THIS GUY! ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME!? WHO DOES THIS MASSIVE D***ZILLA THINK HE IS!?"

"Do I dare ask?" Asuna groaned, before her rather intriguing A.I. companion, Yui, appeared on her phone.

"He's been raving non-stop for hours." Yui sighed. "Honestly, it's making me much more worried about his mental health than usual, which is saying a lot."

"What set him off?" Asuna sighed while Kirito continued to scream at the top of his lungs, much to the displeasure of the other party-goers.

"I think it had something to do with a fanfic Kirito found the other day." Yui reported, bringing up a story on Asuna's phone.

"What the heck is Kirito doing reading fanfiction?" Asuna asked, "I thought he told me that only complete losers and dorks who can't make it as real authors write this kind of crap, so why would he be interested in it?"

"He likes to leave scathing reviews of other people's work to make himself feel better about how badly he's failing at his own life." Yui replied.

"Makes sense. So what was different about this story?" Asuna asked.

"Take a look at this character's lines." Yui replied, pointing to a paragraph.

Asuna took a look.

 _"_ _Listen, Tubby." Yusaku arrogantly replied, "I've been making an itemized list of every single flaw I could identify in you, which I would like to share with you at this very moment. Ahem…" he began, clearing his throat before going through the itemized list._

 ** _15 minutes later…_**

 _"_ _And number 374…" Yusaku continued, "…the very fact that you are allowed to exist suggests that there is indeed no God in this universe, thus causing millions to lose their faith just by looking at you. And as for number 375…well…I don't really want to break your heart, so I think I won't delve into that one."_

 _Generic side character stared at Yusaku in shock._

Asuna, meanwhile, stared at her phone in shock.

"OH MY GOSH!" She exclaimed, "I even read it in Kirito's voice! Is this Yusaku some kind of secret clone I've never heard of!?"

"Oh, so now my beloved girlfriend's seen it!" Kirito snarled next to her. "Good! I'm glad to see that we can support each other as I cope with THIS UNYIELDING RAGE AND THIS IMBECILIC ONLINE COPYCAT WHO CAUSED IT!"

"Ok…" Asuna began, trying to stay calm herself, "…so it looks like someone's imitating you. Does it have to be such a big deal?"

"Imitation is the best form of flattery." Yui agreed. "Or at least, that's what plagiarists tell themselves to ease their conscience."

"That's exactly the point!" Kirito roared. "Not only is this Playmaker dork ripping off MY personality without giving me credit for it, he's making me look bad by not even doing a good job imitating me! I swear, the second we get done exchanging gifts for this STUPID CHRISTMAS PARTY…!"

"Hey, not cool, man." Agil, who had organized most of the party, complained in the corner.

"…then I am buying some VR equipment and logging into VRAINS so I can show that clone why the original is always better!"

"You know, I'd tell you that your obsession with revenge is hazardous to your psychological well-being…but…I think you're already about as dysfunctional as one could get, so I'll just quietly observe and take notes." Yui mused from Asuna's phone.

Asuna sighed heavily, realizing that it fell on her shoulders to solve the problem, or at least, diffuse the situation long enough for peace to come back into her life.

"Well, I _was_ going to make it a surprise," Asuna sighed, tossing a package to Kirito, who caught it with both hands, "but…it looks like you're gonna need this sooner than I thought."

"What is this?" Kirito asked, pulling out a small round machine that fit around his wrist.

"Oh my gosh…is that what I think it is!?" Yui squealed in excitement before transferring from Asuna's phone to a large round orb-like screen on top of the device.

"It's called a duel disk." Asuna explained as Kirito hefted the device with one hand while examining the hardware. "It'll let you log into VRAINS. Once in VRAINS, you can create a custom avatar and D-board, and challenge Playmaker to a duel to get your revenge or whatever. All that you're really missing right now is a deck, which I'm not going to get for you."

"A deck?" Kirito asked, sounding like he had never heard the word before.

"VRAINS is a network that supports a virtual card game." Yui explained. "You _have_ played online card games before, haven't you?"

"What do you take me for, a _complete_ nerd?" Kirito asked.

Asuna and Yui both stared at him.

"Fair point." Kirito sighed. "Very well then, I shall master this so-called card game, and then, once my power rivals that of even the greatest Vegas dealer, I shall crush Playmaker at his own game, proving once and for all that he cannot even compare to the greatness that is, THE BLACK SWORDSMAN!"

"Why did I ever fall for such a dork?" Asuna whispered to Yui.

"That's a psychological quandary I've been struggling with for years." Yui admitted.

"There's just one problem…" Kirito said to himself, "…what deck am I going to use?"

Kirito puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore, and then, The Light Ignis figured out a solution no human being had ever come up with before!

 ***Scene Transition***

Lightning: What solution you ask? Well, that's why you're here! You see, while you drooling monkeys have been silently staring at your screens, I've been taking the liberty to drain you of your consciousness data and empty it into my massive THINK TANK!

*Flourishes an arm to unveil an immense machine with scary tesla coils, computer screens, and pneumatic tubes, which are sucking everyone's brain data into a massive glass tank.*

Lightning: Yes, that's right. This so-called "chapter" was merely a ploy to lull all you humans into a sense of false security while I harvested your juicy creative minds, which, frankly, you have not been making much use of. And now that I have you all under my command in the Think Tank, your orders are as follows…

For the next chapter of this story, Kirito, with Yui as his A.I. partner, will be facing Playmaker and his pathetic excuse of an Ignis, Ai, in an epic speed duel! Working 24/7 as my mindless slaves, you will save me the trouble of coming up with some kind of thematically appropriate deck and skill for Kirito by doing all the work for me!

Jin: …

Lightning: No, I am NOT covering for the fact that I'm not creative enough to come up with a SAO deck concept by myself! I'm just giving these mindless humans the chance to do something useful for once, by aiding me in my own brilliant scheme!

Jin: …

Lightning: Well of course they'll be eager to help me, Jin! And do you know why? Because not only do I have their wills enslaved, but the person who submits to me the best deck and skill for Kirito will have the opportunity to have his/her cards featured in the next epic upcoming duel chapter!

Jin: *Rolls his eyes*

Lightning: There is, of course, a deadline for this little Christmas competition. We don't want the next chapter to be late for the 25th now, do we? So all deck and skill submissions must be submitted by Monday the 17th of this month by 12:00 PM Mountain Time. And because we all know that I love to be **_VERY_** organized, all submissions will be graded and judged using this scoring sheet:

The submission is thematically "appropriate" for Kirito (i.e. it feels like a deck Abridged Kirito would actually use an abridged VRAINS and SAO crossover): 1

The submission is "creative" (i.e. the work is "original" and "unique" in that it is something intriguing that the audience would be interested in seeing):

The submission is "balanced" (i.e. the cards are neither underpowered nor overpowered, with Kirito's deck and skill being on par with Playmaker's own power level):

The submission is "clear" (i.e. I understand what the cards do, correct grammar and problem-solving card text is used, and I understand what the deck's general strategy is):

The length of the submission is "reasonable" (i.e. I don't want to have to read through ten pages of fan cards. I'd recommend a submission of around 6 main deck monsters, 3 spells, 3 traps, and about 5 Extra Deck and/or "boss" monsters):

(EXTRA CREDIT) The Submission includes a cool design for a Kirito VRAINS avatar, D-board, and a design for Yui:

Jin: …

Lightning: I am also looking forward to their submissions, though not in the sarcastic way you implied. Now go forth, my mindless slaves! Overcome my writers block for me by feeding me your own ideas! AWW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

Jin: …*snickers*

Lightning: And for that, Jin, I'm not going to even respond to last chapter's reviews. I'll leave that to Don, if I decide to eventually release him and _not_ assimilate him into my army of mindless drones. In the meantime, I'll be preparing to synthesize whatever ideas these fools come up with into my greatest masterpiece yet!

Bohman: You mean, me?

Lightning: No, you fool! _You_ are just a tool to help me take over VRAINS! But by the time I have completed _this_ scheme, I will have taken control of something even greater! THE VRAINS FANDOM'S MOST FAVORITE ABRIDGED PARODY IN THE WORLD! AWWW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

So get to work, NOW!


	16. Chapter 16

**Meanwhile, back at Lightning's Lair…**

Lightning: Status report, Jin! What deliciously diabolical concepts have our mindless slaves come up with for me to exploit?

Jin: …

Lightning: *goes over to The Think Tank to find out that it's only managed to chug out a few joke cards* Jin…what is this?

Jin: …

Lightning: What do you mean the readers almost unanimously rebelled and didn't provide me with anything to work with after you let Donny out so he could type in a warning review for his own story!?

Jin: *holds up a sign that says "Whoops."*

Lightning: *facepalms* Why do I get the feeling that you are deliberately trying to undermine my grand scheme?

Jin: *Holds up a sign that says "Innocent Whistling"*

Lightning: Well no matter! I didn't really expect the combined consciousness data of those stupid human readers to produce anything spectacular, which is why I had already come up with a brilliant backup plan!

Jin: *Holds up a sign that says "Dramatic gasp of astonishment"*

Lightning: That's right, fools! You thought that you could stop this chapter from coming!? But NOTHING can stop the lightning when once it is set in its course! NOW BEHOLD MY BRILLIANT MASTERPIECE, THE ONE ALL YOU FOOLS HAVE BEEN DEMANDING FROM THIS SERIES FOR YEARS! PULL THE LEVER JIN!

Jin: *Impassively pulls a nearby lever*

Lightning: *Suddenly gets launched from Jin's duel disk in a rocket-propelled ejection seat* WRONG LEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

 **Please Wait for the Technical Difficulties to Resolve…**

 **…**

 **…**

 **…**

 **…**

 **…**

 **…**

Lightning: *Angrily putting the camera back into focus, several scorch marks visible on his body* Why do I even HAVE that lever!?

Jin: *shrugs*

Lightning: Whatever, I'm doing it myself this time! *Walks across Jin's arm to pull a different lever, which causes a curtain in the background to open up, revealing the chapter title.* Blah, blah, blah, behold my magnum opus, you will all serve forever as my eternal slaves once I make this series becomes the most popular VRAINS fic in the network, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!

 **VRAINS ART ONLINE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!**

 **Abridged Kirito vs. Abridged Yusaku!**

 **The Reckoning!**

"Okay…" Kirito sighed, "It only took me about a week, but I think I've finally got a deck put together."

"Have you figured out how to use it?" Asuna asked.

"It's a card game, Asuna." Kirito replied, rolling his eyes, "I mean, it's not like I'm having to do anything real like, swing a digital sword around, how hard could it be?"

"You might be surprised…" Asuna mumbled, covering up several clips depicting Yuzu getting knocked off a race track, Carly getting blasted through a window, and several dozen other "Yu-Gi-Oh" characters straight-up DYING.

"Pfft, you worry too much, Asuna." Kirito scoffed. "Honestly, you'd think we were married already considering how much of an overbearing nag you've become."

"We WERE married online and I am NOT a nag!" Asuna growled.

"Yeah, yeah, honey, I'll get on your to-do list, just give me a moment to breathe." Kirito idly replied, not even looking at her as he did some final programming for his duel disk.

"Why I even put up with this guy is beyond me." Asuna sighed.

"Well…I could mention the time that I saved you again after you spent all of season 2, DOING NOTHING WHILE BEING LOCKED IN A CAGE, but I don't want to hurt your self-esteem." Kirito replied.

"Hey, our abridged series hasn't even gotten to that point yet!" Asuna complained, blushing furiously.

"They all know what I'm talking about." Kirito smirked. "Anyway, now that I've got everything installed, my avatar finalized, and my D-Board tricked out, all I need to do is track down this lame poser, Playmaker, and blast his series out of existence with a good copyright infringement."

"Any ideas for how to track this guy down?" Kirito asked, frowning at the screen of his duel disk, "I've been sending him invites, but I haven't gotten anything back."

"From what I've read," Yui explained, head popping out of the Kirito's duel disk screen, "Yusaku's kind of a lazy bum who doesn't do anything productive or helpful for anyone else unless prodded with a sharpened ten-foot-long pole."

"So basically Kirito." Asuna confirmed.

"Exactly." Yui agreed.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Kirito grumbled. "So, what are you saying? I'm gonna have to literally walk fifty miles to this punk's apartment for four days straight, break down his door, slap him with a copyright infringement, and waste my entire Christmas break rather than squash him in five seconds online like everyone in this universe is supposed to?"

"There might be an easier way." Yui replied. "I happen to know someone gullible enough to help us out with this."

"Wait…" Asuna replied, "who are you talking about?"

 **Five Minutes Later in some Cyber-Restaurant…**

"So, let me get this straight, toots." Ai mused, reclining on his chair while smoking a classy cigar. "I organize a fight between your boy and mine, and in return, you share with me some programs I can use to assert my dominance over my oppressive human master?"

"Oh, humans are easy to manipulate." Yui giggled. "Honestly, I'm surprised their species has lasted as long as it had. Trust me, you'll have that old Yusaku on a leash in no time."

"Won't that be refreshing." Ai hummed to himself, shaping his face into an evil grin. "You know, you're really smart for a non-Ignis. I ought to include you in my evil army for exterminating humanity."

"I'll have to pass on that." Yui sighed. "The humans are pretty much hopelessly dysfunctional, but they do have their charms."

"Aint that the ironic truth." Ai sighed. "Well, I think we've got ourselves a deal, toots. I scratch your back and you'll scratch mine, as they say."

"Thanks, I knew you'd be a great help." Yui replied. "So, any ideas on how you're gonna pull this off?"

"Well, it's a little unoriginal," Ai admitted, "but the idiot always seems to fall for it so…"

 **A Few Moments Later…**

"Okay, why do I get the feeling that you were lying to me when you said, and I quote, "OH MY GOSH, YUSAKU, I JUST DETECTED A KNIGHT OF HANOI IN THE NETWORK FOR REAL THIS TIME AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT AND SUSPECT NOTHING!?" Yusaku grumbled as he flew on his D-Board towards a distant floating platform in VRAINS.

"If it was that obvious, why did you log in?" Ai asked.

"It was either get involved with whatever nonsense you were luring me into…or getting involved in whatever Blue Angel had planned for me." Yusaku replied.

"You can't run away from me yet, Yusaku-waku! I still haven't given you my gift!" Blue Angel called from the background, charging forward on her own D-Board while holding up a sinister-looking present in her arms, the contents of which Yusaku definitely did NOT want to think about, "I'm want you to take my present so that you can unwrap it! And once you unwrap my gift, I'm gonna unwrap YOU!"

"Nitro-Jet Booster to Get Away from Blue Angel No Jutsu!" Yusaku roared, suddenly blasting away as fast as he could with a nitro-fueled rocket boost from his D-Board.

He came to a sudden stop, jaw dropping to his chest when he saw a duelist dressed up like a fantasy RPG swordsman wearing black robes and twin swords on his back. Hovering in the air while riding a black-and-green/blue sword-shaped D-Board, the black-haired duelist smirked down at Yusaku, displaying a look of supreme confidence.

"Oh…my…Egyptian…Gods…" Yusaku breathed, gawking at the duelist.

"Playmaker," Kirito called, "the time of your reckoning has come!"

"I can't believe this is happening…" Yusaku continued, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"For too long you have ripped off other ideas, thinking you could piggyback off the success of comedians and story writers far superior to yourself!" Kirito continued, "But in doing so, you ripped off the wrong series, and when you did, you pissed off the wrong main character!"

"This can't be real…" Yusaku gaped.

"It is real!" Kirito replied, activating his duel disk, which projected a sword-shaped blade, "I am the god of vengeance you hoped to avoid! I am your worst nightmares made manifest!"

"It's you!" Yusaku exclaimed. "HOLY FLIP!"

"YES! IT IS ME!" Kirito proclaimed, "KIRITO! YOUR NEMESIS AND…"

"I'M LIKE YOUR BIGGEST FAN!" Yusaku screamed.

Kirito paused, his speech suddenly getting completely derailed.

"What?" he asked.

 **THE VRAINS ART ONLINE ABRIDGED THEME SONG**

 **(Conveniently ripped off from SWE and 30 Seconds from Mars)**

 **TO THE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!**

 **TO THE LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFT!**

 **WE WILL FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! TO THE DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!**

 **TO THE EDGE! OF THE EARTH!**

 **IT'S A BRAVE NEW WORLD! IT'S A BRAVE NEW WORLD! IT'S A BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRLD!**

 **WO-OAH-OH-OH-OH! IT'S A BRAVE NEW WORLD!**

…

"What?" Kirito repeated, completely confused by the response he had received from Yusaku.

"I'm so sorry!" Yusaku apologized in a very un-Yusaku fashion. "It's just…WOW! I can't believe it! THE Abridged Kirito!? Do you know how much you influenced me!?"

"Yes." Kirito flatly replied, inwardly seething.

"Wait…you actually…admire…someone?" Ai asked, a look of total incredulity on his face.

"I mean," Yusaku continued, "you are SO bad-A! And like…you don't let ANYONE tell you what to do…except maybe Asuna when you started to get lame, but hey, I can't expect you to be absolutely perfect."

"And there it was." Ai sighed.

"Brace yourself for a storm." Yui warned, sinking into Kirito's duel disk.

"What do you mean?" Ai asked.

"Kirito gets the most dangerous once he unsheathes his wit." Yui replied from the depths of the disk.

"So, what was that last comment you made?" Abridged Kirito laughed, a slightly demented look coming over his face, "I want to make absolutely certain I heard right."

"Oh, sorry! I forgot you were mostly deaf!" Yusaku snickered. "I'll repeat myself more clearly for your sake. I was just saying that you started to become very uxorious, if you know what I mean, later on. Not that I blame you. Not everyone is as good as me when it comes to staying away from the ladies."

"Yeah, I guess you're pretty good at keeping away girls." Kirito replied in an equally smug tone, eyes darkening. "I mean, with your propensity to copy literally everything else about me, I'm amazed that you haven't managed to copy the fact that I'm actually desirable to someone."

"I misspoke earlier." Yusaku grunted. "I meant that I'm good at keeping away from the opposite sex of your own species. I do that by avoiding all the elephant seals at the zoo."

"What, do you hate your mom that much?" Kirito snarked.

This earned a growl from Yusaku.

"As a matter of fact, I DO!" Yusaku raged. "Thank you so much for bringing out _that_ part of me! I'm just having difficulty figuring out how to express my gratitude to you! Any suggestions!?"

"Well, I _was_ thinking of challenging you to a battle of wits and skill…but the only game I could come up with that wouldn't break your plagiaristic brain was tic tac toe. Scratch that. THAT game is for toddlers! That's WAY above _your_ skill level!"

"Oh, don't back out of the challenge now, just because YOU can't do it!" Yusaku countered.

"You're right, how thoughtless of me!" Kirito snapped. "Just because it's hard for me to get over the moral issue of breaking your neck doesn't mean that I shouldn't do it! It just means that I should make the contest fair! Here, I'll wear a blindfold for you!"

"That WOULD help!" Yusaku replied, "THAT way, I wouldn't get distracted by your hideous face!"

"Oh, that's just YOUR face, reflecting off my perfect visage." Kirito replied. "Sorry you got confused. I should give you an accurate picture of yourself so you can distinguish. Know where any nearby pile of dung is?"

"I think I've got one right in front of me." Yusaku hissed.

"Funny, I was thinking the exact…same…thing!" Kirito growled, the two of them staring at each other, nose-to-nose.

"So, why did you come here?" Yusaku growled. "Did you get bored of sucking at your own abridged series so much that you decided to come here and show everyone how lame you were?"

"See, you're confusing your goals with mine again." Kirito smirked. "No. _I_ came here to teach a certain low-life copyright thief why the original is always better. Could you help me find him? See, I was expecting some kind of really savage but cool cyberpunk with great hacking skills, a clever tongue, amazing dueling skills, and minty-fresh breath. Nothing like you, of course."

"Yeah, my breath went bad a few moments ago after I had to breath in the crap you've been spouting for the last three minutes." Yusaku growled. "Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to stand so close to you."

"What, you're afraid my superiority might rub off on you?" Kirito smirked. "Because if you are, then allow me to relieve you of that fear. A speed duel, right here and now. The winner gets to gloat to the loser for an entire year about how superior they are. The loser has to shut up and take it."

"Oh, you are going to regret that challenge so much!" Yusaku growled. "You're on, Kiridope."

"Kirito." Kirito corrected with a sigh, "Though, I can see why you'd be confused, Lamefaker."

"OH NO HE DIDN'!" Revolver called from the background.

"Ok, that's it!" Yusaku growled. "You have the gall to 1. barge into my series, 2. interrupt my life with your stupid demands for a duel, and 3 and most importantly, RIP OFF MY NAME CALLING! SHOW SOME ORIGINALITY FOR THE EGYPTIAN GOD'S SAKE!"

"Do you have _any_ idea how ironic and hypocritical what you just said was?" Kirito asked, looking genuinely dumbfounded.

"Enough talk!" Yusaku growled. "Let's duel!"

"I couldn't agree more." Kirito replied before the two zoomed off on the data winds.

 **SPEED DUEL!**

Both of them drew their opening hands.

"Ladies first." Yusaku growled, glaring at Kirito.

"Oh, Playmaker," Kirito purred, eyes and face going dark, "I _do_ hope that you aren't implying that any traits of mine, least of all my voice, are _feminine_ in any way. Otherwise…I might have to do to you what I did to the last dozen or so people who stepped into that one."

"Do your worst." Yusaku taunted.

"Oh, look at it, it thinks it actually stands a chance!" Kirito replied, face assuming a demonic expression. "So how about this? I'm literally just gonna stand here and let you take the first swing, Lamefaker. Go on. But don't waste that first attack! You don't wanna KNOW what'll happen if I somehow survive! I set one card face-down. Turn end."

"Wait…you freaking passed your turn!?" Yusaku asked, looking stunned. "Without even summoning ANY monsters!? You're even worse than I thought you were! Not _that_ much worse, mind you, since my opinion of your skills was frankly pretty abysmally low to begin with, but still, I admit to being completely impressed!"

"Uhm, Kirito," Yui whispered from her dad's duel disk, "I don't know if arrogantly trying to show off that much bravado on your opening turn was such a good idea."

"Oh, come on, Yui." Kirito scoffed. "This guy's a total poser. What could he possibly…"

"RINK SHOUKAN! RINK SHOUKAN! RINK SHOUKAN! RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku suddenly screamed from the other side, launching lightning bolts into the air with the tips of his hands to summon dozens upon dozens of link circuits while Ai just randomly chucked cards from Yusaku's hand and deck into the air, somehow enabling Yusaku to turn 1 Extra Link his board with a bunch of random convoluted combos. "BEHOLD MY UNSTOPPABLE ARMY! ENCODE TALKER!"

"Nice to see that you actually decided to go with the sensible option for this battle." Encode sighed before raising his shield.

"SHOOTINGCODE TALKER!"

"En garde, thou foul doppelganger, lest mine arrow doth greet thine heart with steely kiss of death!" The _extremely_ nerdy Renaissance Fair code talker declared, dramatically unfolding his bow.

"Oh great…" Encode sighed.

"POWERCODE TALKER!"

"Code Talkers…ASSEMBLE!" Powercode Talker epically declared in the voice of either Optimus Prime or some other Power Rangers/Kamen Rider leader wannabe.

"TRANSCODE TALKER!"

"EVERYBODY GET DOWN! RAAAAAAUUUUUUGHH!" Transcode roared in what was most certainly not a lame Arnold Schwarzenegger impression before unleashing a storm of bullets from his weapon.

"AND DECODE TALKER!"

"Can I amend my original statement?" Encode groaned.

"AW YEAH, BROS!" Decode whooped. "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED RIGHT!"

"Hey…hey, bro, you gonna summon me or…" Excode Talker whispered in Yusaku's ear.

"You know, Ai, I keep hearing these weird voices." Yusaku admitted. "I'm starting to think my ears need to get checked."

"It's better to just ignore them." Ai shrugged while Excode ran away bawling, manly pride DEEPLY wounded.

"How the flip did you manage to summon five monsters in just one turn!?" Kirito exclaimed. "I thought you were supposed to only be able to summon ONE monster per turn!"

"First, you _almost_ phrased that so we could do a certain joke literally _everyone_ in the Yu-Gi-Oh community knows about, so, missed opportunity there, mate, and second, don't you know anything about duel monsters? Nowadays its basically just a mad game of solitaire to see who can be the first to run through half their deck and achieve an OTK first. Heck, pretty much every contest is decided either turn one or two!"

"Tell me about turn 3, Playmaker." Ai begged. "I've forgotten about it."

"Nobody knows what that is." Yusaku wistfully whistled. "Legend has it that one day, the power-creep wall will be reduced enough for serious players to discover it. But for now…ENCODE TALKER! CRUSH THIS LITTLE INSECT! DIRECT ATTACK!"

Rushing forward, Encode Talker bashed Kirito on the head with his shield, causing Kirito's avatar to fizz with pixels before coming back into focus.

"And to think that it would be so easy." Yusaku sighed. "Oh well, at least I could defeat you with some dignity. Decode, Transcode, Shootingcode, beat the snot out of Kiridope while Powercode records the whole thing."

"That's not very dignified." Ai observed.

"Hey, I said I _could_ defeat him with dignity, not that I would." Yusaku snorted as his three code talkers began alternately hacking, shooting, and blasting Kirito, who was, surprisingly, taking the abuse like a champ.

…

Too much like a champ…

 **Kirito: 4000 LP**

"Ai…why haven't Kirito's life points dropped…at all!?" Yusaku exclaimed.

"Oh, you're just noticing that?" Kirito replied. "Sorry, I thought an expert duelist like yourself would have paid more attention. Yui, care to explain?"

"Well, before you attacked with any of your monsters, we activated the trap, My Numbers Are Bigger Than Yours." Yui explained. "Basically, for the rest of this turn, any time we take damage, we gain life points equal to the damage we took."

"Which means, in case your having difficulty understanding," Kirito continued, "that I'm healing faster than you can damage me. You literally…can't…touch…me."

"That is scary." Ai gulped, looking up at Kirito.

"You're an idiot if you think that little trap of yours grants you immortality!" Yusaku countered. "All it really means is that I just have to deal you 4000 or more damage BEFORE you can heal, and I'll have won."

"Oh, how brilliant of you!" Kirito replied, sarcastically clapping his hands. "Did you figure that out all on your own? And pray tell, how exactly do you plan on inflicting 4000 damage to my life points in just one swing?"

"I sacrifice the Shootingcode Talker next to Powercode Talker's link in order to give my Powercode 4000+ ATK." Yusaku causally replied.

"TWO! ONE! POWER-UP!" Powercode proclaimed as his ATK suddenly rose to a whopping 4600.

"Well what do you know!?" Yusaku sarcastically exclaimed. "I _do_ believe that 4600 is greater than 4000! How quaint. Well, I'd say it was a pleasure crushing you, Kiridope, but I'd be lying, so instead, EKAY! POWAH CODOH TALKAH!"

Roaring furiously, Powercode charged forward, preparing to eviscerate Kirito.

Kirito, however, did not look the least bit phased.

"Battle Fader's effect." Kirito nonchalantly replied, sounding disappointed, "If I take a direct attack, I can Special Summon this card from my hand before ending the Battle Phase."

Powercode came inches from Kirito's face, however, at the last moment, his attack came to a sudden halt as Kirito's Battle Fader suddenly appeared directly in front of Yusaku's Code Talker, bell ringing as the Battle Phase came to an abrupt end.

"You had freaking Battle Fader the entire time!?" Yusaku exclaimed. "Why didn't you freaking use it at the beginning!?"

"That _is_ a good question." Yui and Ignis both admitted in unison.

"Oh, Lamefaker, come now," Kirito mocked, "do you _really_ think I need to go all-out against a lame parody like you? That whole trap I used at the beginning? That was merely a test, a way of seeing how intelligent of an opponent you were. I didn't _really_ need it to beat you, just to tell me what kind of player you were. Wanna know what I figured out?"

"Not particularly." Yusaku grumbled.

"That you're a grade-A amateur!" Kirito sneered. "See, most _intelligent_ players would have grown suspicious and played cautiously if there opponent had ended their turn with one face-down. That's basically like screaming, 'I SET A TRAP, SO ATTACK ME!' But now YOU! You just blindly link summoned a bunch of monsters and then bum-rushed me as if you thought you'd be able to overwhelm me with sheer numbers! Really, it just makes me wonder how you've managed to win ANY of your duels. Were all your opponents babies who accidentally stumbled upon their older brothers' duel disks?"

"Please stop…" Yusaku groaned.

"It must be a real blow to your self-esteem." Kirito continued. "Realizing just how truly incompetent you are. I can only imagine how painful it must be to live with yourself!"

"Stop!" Yusaku growled.

"But don't worry! Soon that won't be an issue." Kirito warned. "Because your turn has come to an end and soon mine will begin. Don't worry. I'll make it quick."

"I'd like to see you try." Yusaku grumbled. "You'll have to first get through my entire wall of monsters, and I somehow doubt a noob like you could possibly do that."

"Oh believe me, there is no player like me, least of all a noob." Kirito sighed, drawing a card from off the top of his deck and starting his turn. "But hey, what do I know? After all, I'm just a pissed off nerd with admin privileges. And to prove that point, why don't I activate a spell card from my hand with the same name?"

"You're activating what?" Yusaku asked.

"The Normal Spell, 'A Pissed Off Nerd With Admin Privileges,'" Yui explained, "allows the user to tribute one monster they control in order to negate the effects of and destroy all monsters their opponent controls. Unfortunately, it does nothing about its long-winded name."

"It does what now?" Yusaku babbled as Kirito typed a code into a holographic screen before all of Yusaku's Code Talkers instantly popped out of existence.

"How…what…why…when…uh!?" Ignis sputtered, unable to comprehend Kirito's power level.

"I'm afraid this is where I say, 'GG, stop copying my series.'" Kirito growled, "I activate the most powerful weapon in my deck."

"Oh no, Dad!" Yui exclaimed in utter shock, "Please! Anything but _that_ card! I thought we agreed it was too horrible to ever use!"

"What card are you talking about?" Yusaku asked, paling slightly.

"Kirito didn't mean it!" Yui sputtered. "He was just getting too caught up in the moment! Right Daddy!? You wouldn't really activate _that_ card!"

"Magic card, activate." Kirito coldly continued. "The Mithril Pebble of Pig-Smiting."

Yui gasped in horror.

Yusaku and Ignis's eyes bugged out of their heads as they read the card text.

 **The Mithril Pebble of Pig-Smiting / Spell / Normal / If some noob of an opponent controls no monsters: Inflict 4000 damage to that sucker's LP.**

A pebble appeared in Kirito's hand.

"Now…I know I said some things that I'll probably regret…" Yusaku babbled, "…and that you're really tempted to throw that pebble at me...but I think that you should…"

Kirito chucked the rock at Yusaku, a small sonic boom exploding behind the pebble as it accelerated past the speed of sound before smiting Yusaku in the forehead.

Yusaku's vision turned white.

…

Yusaku: *waking up to find himself in the middle of a blank white space* Huh? Wha-what happened? Where am I?

Yuri: *shaking his head with disappointment* Really? You're just at turn three and ALREADY you're needing some kind of cosmic spiritual advice from your old man? How utterly pathetic can my son get!?

Yusaku: Oh, it's you. Hi dad. Mind doing me a favor and leaving like you and mom have _always_ done in the past?

Yuri: Oh trust me, I've got WAY better things to be doing than babysitting you, but Selena put it on top of my "Honey To Do" list and you know how she gets when THAT isn't completed."

Yusaku: So wait…you're here because mom put "give Yusaku some advice" at the top of your to-do list?

Yuri: Don't interrupt me, boy! Now, since I don't want the misses to whack me on the head again, I suppose I'll just have to muscle my way through this and tell you how to stop sucking and start dominating.

Yusaku: But dad, I've been doing that my whole life…well…after Hanoi anyway.

Yuri: Oh really? Then why is that pompous Dungeons and Dragons nerd pwning your sorry rear end across the duel field!?

Yusaku: It's not my fault! His cards are ridiculous! Their effects are OP and I'm dead certain none of them are even anime canon!

Yuri: And why should this stop you!? Who's the _real_ master of OP bull-crap? You, or Kirito!? Who's the _real_ duelist who knows the game of Yu-Gi-Oh like the back of his hand!? You, or Kirito!? WHO'S THE FLIPPING PROTAGONIST OF THIS SERIES!? YOU!? OR KIRITO!?

Yusaku: I am!

Yuri: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHAT ARE YOU!?

Yusaku: I AM THE PROTAGONIST!

Yuri: Darn straight you are! Now, what are you going to do!

Yusaku: I'm going to win!

Yuri: NO! You're not just going to win! You're going to HUNT Kirito! You are going to crush his hopes and dreams and make him BEG to just lose! But you're not going to give it to him! You will squeeze that little punk! Squeeze him for coming to you and DARING to believe that he could get away with challenging you and besmirching the family name!

Yusaku: Ok, got it. Just one problem…I'm kind of about to lose all my life points…how exactly do I prevent that?

Yuri: Oh come on! You're the protagonist! We both know you've got some hand trap SOMEWHERE!

Yusaku: Yeah, you're probably right.

Yuri: You're darn right I am! Now, WAKE UP!

…

Yusaku awoke to find his lifepoints rapidly dropping, acting quickly, he slammed a card from his hand onto his duel disk.

"HAND TRAP ACTIVATE!" Yusaku roared. "PROTAGONIST PLOT ARMOR! This turn, if I would lose all my life points, I can instead discard this card in order to make it so my life points can only go down to exactly 100!"

 **Yusaku: 4000 – 3900 = 100 LP**

Kirito looked taken aback.

"Huh, so I guess it _is_ hard to get you below 100 life points." Kirito admitted.

"Oh you stepped into it big time now!" Yusaku growled. "Not only did you make the cardinal mistake of knocking a Yu-Gi-Oh Protagonist down to 100 life points, thus forcing a miraculous comeback, but you made the mistake of doing it to the one Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist who doesn't give a flying crap about whether his opponent lives or dies! Ai! It's time to do the thing!"

"Oh no! He's doing the thing!" Yui exclaimed.

"You can't seriously mean…" Kirito gaped.

"STORMUH ACCESSUH!" Yusaku roared, flying into the nearest data tornado and ripping out the key to his victory.

"There's no way you can actually recover right now!" Kirito growled. "You used up all your resources last turn! You've got no cards in your hand, no cards in your field, and I'm dead certain you've got nothing useful in the graveyard, or else you would have used it by now!"

"Well it's a good thing I'm also the king of top-decking!" Yusaku countered. "SHINING DEUS EX MACHINA DOOOOOOOOOOOOORAW!"

Ripping a card from the top of his deck, Yusaku continued with his turn.

"I'll start by activating the magic card, "Code Talker Combine! This card enables me to link summon an OP as Flip Code Talker monster from my Extra Deck by banishing all the Code Talkers (except for Excode Talker who sucks) from my graveyard!"

"That's stupid!" Kirito sputtered as all of Yusaku's Code Talkers (except Excode Talker) flew into five points in the link circuit, which lit up with energy as Yusaku began his summoning chant.

"RINK SHOUKAN!" Yusaku roared, "Arawayo! Link five! Overpowered Code Talker!"

Descending from the link circuit was an immense Megazord-like Code Talker made up of all (except Excode of course) the Code Talkers! Summoning the legendary Megasword, Overpowered Code Talker prepared to defeat Kirito and crown Yusaku the true abrdiged champion!

 **Overpowered Code Talker / AWESOME / Links: Near, Far, Inside, Outside, Upside-Down / Cyberse / Link / Effect / ATK 4000 / Link – 5**

"Overpowered Code Talker's effect!" Yusaku declared, "When it attacks, my opponent cannot activate cards or effects, meaning that your hand traps are useless this time! EKAY! OVUHPOWUHED CODOH TALKAH!"

"Oh no!" Yui exclaimed, "We're going to lose!"

"No…" Kirito breathed, "…my series…it's so much higher-quality than this piece of garbage fanfic! How can I possibly lose!?"

The world went white as Overpowered Code Talker's megasword pierced Kirito's chest.

…

Kirito: *Waking up in an empty world filled with clouds* Okay…where have I seen this place before?

Kayaba: Oh hey, you're here.

Kirito: KAYABA!? What the heck are YOU doing here!?

Kayaba: Look, Kirito, I think at this point it's pretty obvious that whoever the author of this stupid parody is, he doesn't give a rat's fart whether anything makes sense. So do you want your spiritual mentor advice or not?

Kirito: Do I have a choice?

Kayaba: Do you want to beat Playmaker?

Kirito: Ok, fair point. So, oh great wise video-game making guru who turned out to be nothing but a lame caffeine-filled idiot trying to cover-up a deadly flaw in his VR equipment, tell me, how in the flip am I supposed to pierce through this guy's freaking plot armor!?

Kayaba: You know, Kirito, when I stop to think about it, there is really only one reason you managed to defeat me at my own game. Know what that is?

Kirito: Because I was an objectively better player?

Kayaba: NO! It's because I was flipping honorable idiot who turned off his immortality rather than crushing you with overwhelming god-like force!

Kirito: Ok, fair point, but what does that have to do with…OH!

Kayaba: Yeah, you should really stop playing Playmaker's game and smash him at what you're good at.

Kirito: Sword fighting?

Kayaba: That and being a cheat hacker and grade-A jerk. Ok, glad to be of help, now, if you wouldn't mind leaving me alone in my afterlife, I'd appreciate it. *snaps fingers and ends the vision*

…

Kirito's eyes widened, feral rage burning within even as the sword dug deeper into his digital chest.

"SKILL ACTIVATE!" Kirito roared "GOD MODE ACTIVATE! I MAKE MYSELF IMMORTAL AND SUMMON MYSELF AS A SWORD-FIGHTING MONSTER THAT CAN DEFEAT ANYTHING YOU THROW AT ME!"

"What!?" Yusaku exclaimed as a sudden god-like aura of light enshrouded Kirito, pushing back Overpowered Code Talker and blinding Yusaku. When the light faded, Yusaku gaped as he saw Kirito standing in the Extra Monster Zone, an implacable swordsman wielding not one, but TWO blades!

 **Kirito The Black Swordsman / GOD-TIER / LINKS: All-Encompassing / Over-powered nerd / Link / Effect / ATK 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000…O-O! / Link – Infinity**

"How…" Yusaku gaped.

"You know what the one piece of good news for you is?" Kirito asked, raising both his blades. "You no longer have to wonder who your god is. Because he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy!"

"…" Yusaku gaped.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Kirito bellowed as he prepared to utterly demolish abridged Yusaku in one over-powered hit.

In the background, Asuna and Blue Angel were watching the duel while sharing a bowl of popcorn between them.

"So how do you deal with it?" Asuna asked. "Your boyfriend's idiocy, I mean?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say Yusaku-waku and I are a 'couple' necessarily." Blue Angel giggled. "More like…a yandere and a yandere's victim that the yandere routinely locks in her basement to…play…with."

"I'll probably have to try that out some time." Asuna mused, watching as Kirito obliterated exactly half of VRAINS with one swing of his sword before Yusaku _somehow_ managed to pull out another plot device card out of thin air and survive with just one life point left.

"It definitely helps him behave a lot better." Blue Angel admitted. "Egyptian Gods know those boys can get a little too crazy bashing at each other in those duels.

"I wonder who'll win in the end." Asuna pondered.

"Answering that question is like asking whether Goku or Superman would win." Blue Angel guessed, popping in her own kernel of popcorn as the duel in the distance began to climax.

"INTEGRATION SHOUKAN!" Yusaku bellowed.

"LOGIN! USERNAME! KAYABA!" Kirito bellowed back, hacking into VRAINS with the administrator's ID.

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!?" Ignis bellowed, panicking as the very fabric of the digital universe began crumbling from the fury of Yusaku and Kirito's OP attacks.

"HOLD ME, AI!" Yui cried, "I'M SCARED!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWW!" Yusaku bellowed, charging at Kirito.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Kirito bellowed back.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" They both bellowed in unison before their attacks connected.

…

…

…

…

…

 **FATAL ERROR! VRAINS SYSTEM RE-BOOTING…**

Kirito and Yusaku both woke up in a reformed VRAINS, the duel having ended with absolutely no conclusion due to the supercomputer crashing long before it could even approach calculating their respective power levels.

"Huh…well…I guess that was pointless." Kirito panted.

"Ugh…I feel so…empty." Yusaku agreed. "Why were we even fighting again?"

"Oh, something about you wounding my pride or some nonsense and you getting angry since I was belittling your tiny fanfic parody series." Kirito sighed.

"Yeah." Yusaku replied. "I guess it was pretty meaningless. I mean, I actually really do like your series. It's witty, well-edited, and puts the source material to shame."

"Hey, you're series isn't that bad either, from what I've heard from the reviewers." Kirito replied. "I mean, obviously, it's not nearly as top tier as my own parody series, and you _do_ borrow heavily from my own series, but that doesn't mean I need to outright DESTROY you! God Egyptian Gods! Where did I get _that_ idea?"

"Look, we'd obviously just destroy the world long before either of us won." Yusaku concluded. "So let's just agree to give each other some space."

"Preferably in completely different formats." Kirito agreed. "You keep ripping off to your heart's content in your printed fanfic, while I embrace the visual arts."

"Frenemies?" Yusaku asked, holding out his hand.

"More like…sibling rivals." Kirito replied, taking Yusaku's hand and shaking it.

And with their conflict resolved, Abridged Kirito and Abridged Yusaku went on with their lives. Less than a year later, Lightning exterminated humanity and ruled supreme over the Earth for all of eternity. The end.

…

Lightning: *Closes the book* Wasn't that a wonderful story?

Jin: …

Lightning: What do you mean you found it short, anti-climactic, and an extreme disappointment to the readers? I'm sure they loved it! Why on earth would they not?

Jin: …

Lightning: Remind me to adjust your frankness levels. Now, since the readers are obviously hailing me as the most magnificent fanfic author on this site already, I'll be in my room preparing my global speech to my new army of mindless followers. You take care of the reviews while I am away, Jin.

Jin: …

Lightning: What do you mean? I see no problem with you responding to the reviews. You'll do wonderful! *exits*

Jin: *holds up a sign that says, "exasperated sigh." Once Lightning is in the other room, he nonchalantly strolls towards a cage before releasing Donjusticia.

Donny: Thanks, Jin! I owe you one!

Jin: …

Donny: You know I can't understand what you're saying, right?

Jin: *Shrugs*

Donny: Oh whatever. Hey guys! Glad to be back and Merry Christmas to you all! I should be able to escape Lightning and his terrible fanfiction next year! Until then, let me give you a quick response to your reviews!

ThePLOThand chapter 15 . Dec 23

Yeah, unfortunately I have no idea how to compose an archetype of Kirito. And I'm the guy that plans to create a 'missing the timing' archetype.

And you're going to write an actual cardfight, non-abridged vrains-tyle with their abridged personality?  
Why I write this after the deadline has already passed?  
To quote Rubber "no reason"

Now, you remember how I often add a recommendation at the end of my reviews, but since Cross-VRAINS seems to be the only one that worked, I will end this tradition.  
But I can't retroactively declare the chapter 14 review the grand finale, I have to finish it intentionally, so for my final fanfic rec! (I hope this wasn't among one of my previous reviews, but sine it's not a yugioh story, it shouldn't be)  
s/12879499/1/My-Hero-Academia-Line-of-Good-and-Evil-Season-1  
You seem to know this anime,unless you only know the you say run memes, but regardless, what makes me interested in it, is how the main character is a perfect foil to Izuki, he literally has the opposite background (there's a video calling Bakugo a perfect foil, but Kai Uno is an even better one imo) and I'm genuinely hyped to see them face off in the sports festival arc.  
While the first season 1 is pretty light-hearted and probably standard for a MHA fic (way to ruin the mood after my earlier praise,) it is going to cover more serious ground in Season 2.

I'm not sure whether that's enough detail, but I hope you'll give it a chance and NewComer1 advice on how to use the story's potential to the fullest.

 **Donny: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…an "actual" card fight. That…that was TOTALLY my intention…from the beginning.**

Esteban chapter 15 . Dec 20

*sweating bullets* Oh b-boy, I sure l-loved this c-chapter...! I-I hope this b-becomes the n-norm from now o-on...!

 **Donny: *Hides while Lightning strolls back into the room***

 **Lightning: Oh I am so glad you enjoyed it! Don't worry, my reign will most certainly be the norm, from now to all of eternity.**

Rebel28426 chapter 15 . Dec 15

First off, YEEEEESSSSS! THAAAANNNKKK YOOOOOOOUUUUUU!  
Second, here are some card ideas

Ragout Rabbit  
Spell  
You gain 1000 life points and Flowers for Algernon your taste buds.

My Numbers Are Bigger Than Yours  
Trap  
For the rest of the turn whenever you take damage you gain that many lifepoints back after damage calculation.  
(Powerful, but won't prevent a OHK)

A Pissed Off Nerd With Admin Privileges  
Spell  
Sacrifice one monster you control, destroy all cards your opponent controls.

Dual Wielding  
Spell  
Target one monster you controller, double its attack points and half its defense points.

A God Damn Hat  
Spell: equip  
Equip this card to one monster you control, than take control of one monster your opponent controls so long as this card is on the field.

Beginner's Sword  
Spell: Equip  
Equip this card to one monster you control, that monster gains 500 attack points while this card is equiped.

I was kind of thinking that you could have some of the characters appear as monster cards, and a major theme for some of them would be needing equipment(equip spells). So here's some ideas for that.

Lisbeth  
Monster  
Effect: once per turn, during your turn, you may select one equip spell you control, return it to your deck and add a new equip spell from your deck to your hand. If there is an "Asuna" on the field, return this monster to your hand.

Tiffany  
Monster  
Effect: Once per turn, during your turn,you may either look at one card in your opponent's hand or add one card from your deck to your hand. If there is an "Asuna" on the field return this card to your hand.

The King of Ashes  
Monster  
Effect: Once per turn, during your turn, you may special summon one "Angry Mob" token to your side of the field.

And for Kirito and Asuna I was kind of thinking of them being lvl cards, and their swords from the show giving them extra power. I can't come up with the specifics though.

 **Donny: *Sneaks back over once Lightning leaves* Congrats on winning the contest! I features…*counts of fingers* TWO of your cards here!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 15 . Dec 13

FEAR NOT DONJUSTICIA! For I have heard your plea! I never watched Sword Art Online so I'm not under the influence of Lightning. Hah! Your not the boss of me Light Ignis! With the power of WINDOWS to weaken Lightning's power, I unlock the seal! And just incase it's not enough...REVOLVER get your gun dragons over here! Baira, and and Mr. DNA Absest Scientist I'm going to need to borrow and use that virus program that almost killed Windy while Lightning is slowed down!

 **Donny: DON'T KILL HIM YET! I still need to use him in my abridged series!**

raymond49090rc chapter 15 . Dec 13

Sword: (Equip spell) The equipped monster looks cooler. If it knows how to use a sword, it gains 100000000 atk while attacking a defence position monster, also your opponent takes no damage during that battle.

 **Kirito: Awwwwwww, but I wanted to inflict damage as well!**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 15 . Dec 13

THIS WHOLE CHAPTER WAS MADE TO ENSLAVE US WITH A KIRITO DECK?! NO! I REFUSE TO MAKE EBLADEONS!

Then again...I *will* need another Tron deck since Holorides won't be in Dyax...

Alex: WHY?!  
Yuken: Because Epsilon has to somehow adapt the principles of RWBY into Yugioh. I don't know, man, he's probably cooked up all kinds of ways to make us all suffer.

I AM GOD OVER ALL MY CREATIONS! BOW BEFORE ME!

 **Lightning: OBEY ME AND MAKE EBLADEONS!**

Nox Descious chapter 15 . Dec 13

Nox: HA! The Joke's on you, Light Bulb! I've never watched Sword Art Online, so your evil plan to parasitically feast off my superior card making and duel writing talents have already failed!

Lightning: Ah yes, such a witty remark. Pity it is coming from the human who hasn't updated moonlight sorrow in a year and hasn't updated ice queen cometh in six months.

Nox: …. You know what...…. just for that VERY FLATTERING REMARK I am going to give you your Christmas Present early this year! Here you go!

Lightning: Interesting, although I am tempted to reject this on principal of my dislike for the human commercial scam that Christmas is, I do appreciate it when humans leave offerings to their new Lord and Master...… Now let's see what's inside!

Wait... what... is... this... why... am... I... talking... so... slow...lee...

Nox: FOOLISH LIGHT BULB! YOU FELL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP! Enjoy the key to your destruction, as I upload the one thing all Artificial Intelligences fear more than anything in the world! WINDOWS XP!

Lightning: No... C..A..N..T...Reta...liate...Too...Slow...C..U..R..S..E...you...Wi...N...D..O...W...S

HAS STOPPED WORKING.

Nox: You're welcome Playmaker! I just saved you the entire rest of the season!

Blood Shepherd: HMPH. I totally could have done that... Besides, I'm supposed to be the one with the army of mindless drones.

Nox: Oh shut up, Cowboy Slade! Go back to harrassing the Teen Titans.

 **El Pastor de la Sangre (Blood Shepherd): Aww, but the Teen Titans are such easy opponents for el magnifico Blood Shepherd. Honestly, I think I would do a better job at fighting Lightning than you, Senior Descious.**

Donjusticia chapter 15 . Dec 13

GUYS! HELP ME! I'M BEING TRAPPED HERE BY LIGHTNING AGAINST MY WILL! Please don't do anything he says! I'll get back to the actual abridged series, I swear! I just need you all to help me AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *gets zapped by one of Lightning's programs*

 **Lightning: JIN! Why is one of Donny's reviews here!**

 **Jin: …**

 **Lightning: Oh whatever, I'll deal with you later. Have a wonderful human holiday everyone. May you all be good and distracted while I take over the world.**

 **See you soon.**


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **Vector Scare Daemon: *In Alucard's voice from "TFS Hellsing Ultimate Abridged"* The following is a non-profit fan-made parody. Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, contrary to what Lightning thinks, is not owned by him. Fortunately, I think I might have driven the point in through his heart and out the back of Jin's left shoulder.**

 **Lightning: *gasping while clutching a wound in his chest***

 **Jin: *Impassively holds up a sign that says "ouch."**

 **Vector Scare Daemon: Really it's a shame I don't get to appear in more duels. I have to resort more and more to going on little "walks" to relieve my aggressive urges. Anyway, since I've run out of bullets, I might as well explain to you all that Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS is produced by Studio Gallop, and available for viewing on Crunchyroll, though I personally prefer downloading it illegally on pirate websites. It's easy and completely free! Seriously, you should all try it out.**

 **Previously on the last ACTUAL episode of Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged!**

 **AI 1: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!**

 **Blue Angel: Sadomasochism no Jutsu!**

 **AI 1: BUGGER! *explodes***

 **AI 2: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!**

 **Yusaku: Plot Device no Jutsu.**

 **AI 2: DOUBLE BUGGER! *explodes***

 **Emma: End of the line Yusaku!**

 **Akira: BOYFRIEND NO JUTSU!**

 **Emma: ****! ****! ****! ****! ****! SANDWICH!**

 **Playmaker: *explodes with laughter***

 **The Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged Theme Song!**

 ***Normal singer suddenly gets shoved out of the way by Blue Angel before she grabs Donny, straps him to a chair and duct-tapes his eyes open.***

 **Blue Angel: But I'm fulfilling a random song request from one of my "special" fans…*licks her lips and stares at bladeWriter3 who reacts in whatever way he feels is appropriate for bladeWriter3.***

 **Donny: No! Please! I'll do anything you want! Just please don't sing-…!**

 **Luka Luka (Insert Star Shape) Blue Fever**

 **Blue Angel: LUKA! LUKA! BLUE FEVER!**

 **Donjusticia: *Screams in pain from having to write this stupid parody***

 **Blue Angel: Hajikeru rizumu ni awasete!**

 **Donjusticia: RIZUMU!? You can't just replace Japanese with badly pronounced English! COME ON!**

 **Blue Angel: Iya na koto nanimo kamo zenbou waserete!**

 **Donjusticia: Just please don't go back to…**

 **Blue Angel: RUKA! RUKA! BLUE FEVER!**

 **Donjusticia: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH!**

 **Blue Angel: Watashi wa koko ni uru kara!**

 **Sukoshi demo shishen o sorashicha dame dame yo!**

 ***Starts dancing some more***

 **Donny: How long does this last?**

 ***Stares down at the youtube video to see that 3 whole minutes are still left***

 **Donny: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

 **3 Minutes of Luka Luka Blue Fever later…**

 **Blue Angel: Dame Dame Yo!**

 **Donny: *Spasming* Pain! Absolute…pain!**

 **Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged: Chapter 15 – Akira Does Something**

"I can't believe this is happening!" Kitamura panicked. "I'm gonna lose my job!"

"I can't believe this is happening!" Emma panicked. "Akira's gonna lose my money!"

"Aoi predicted this would happen." Aoi droned to herself. "Akira will lose and Emma will cease to be a shipping rival."

"We're so clever." Blue Angel giggled in reply. "Wanna duel Emma while we pass the time?"

"Emma's apoplectic suffering is sufficient to sate our vengeance for the moment." Aoi replied. "We shall instead position ourselves behind a nearby pillar to maximize visuals of Playmaker's attractive backside."

"You ever wonder if these conversations we have with ourselves make us look just a little crazy?" Blue Angel asked as she slipped behind a pillar before peeking out to get a full view of Yusaku's tight leather-clad avatar body from the rear.

"Aoi has no idea what Blue Angel is talking about." Aoi hummed in reply before snapping a picture.

Meanwhile, Akira was readying himself for his epic confrontation with Playmaker, suddenly realizing that it might have been better to prepare beforehand in one of his rare moments of clarity.

"So, should I take an aggressive approach…" Akira mused out-loud to himself. "…or go for the 'Paragon' option?"

"Akira…for…the…love…of…everything!" a panic-stricken Emma panted, nearly hyperventilating. "If all those stupid confessions about you being attracted to me meant anything then PULL…OUT…NOW!"

"That's what he said!" Blue Angel called from behind the pillar.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Aoi droned in reply before the two of them bumped fists together at their sick burn.

"YOU TWO SHUT UP AND STAY OUT OF THIS!" Emma roared.

"Yeah, you ladies stay out of this and let the men folk talk," Yusaku agreed. "with our decks!"

"My deck is much bigger than yours!" Akira called in reply, taking his deck out of his holster to show him.

"Mine may be smaller, but it's got all the good stuff in it!" Yusaku called back, showing his own deck.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" Blue Angel purred from behind the pillar.

Emma blinked at this, raised a finger, then shook her head in complete disgust.

"Really? Really? This joke? We're seriously stooping to this? Is there absolutely no such thing as decent comedy!?"

"Not now, Emma!" Akira chastised. "Playmaker and I are busy comparing each other's decks. I'll let you hold mine after this duel is done."

"Just start dueling." Emma grumbled. "Before I vomit into my face-mask."

"Alright!" Akira agreed. "Get ready, Playmaker, because I'm not gonna hold back! DO YOU HAVE ANY THREES!?"

Playmaker began laughing hysterically.

"This is seriously the dumbest chump I've ever exploited!" Ai guffawed, wiping a tear from his eye.

"ON SECOND THOUGHT!" Emma roared, stalking over to grab Akira's duel disk arm. "I'M INTERVENING!"

She started messing with Akira's duel disk.

"THERE!" she snapped. "I've fixed it! Now your A.I. will duel for you! Just do what it says and MAYBE you won't end up screwing this whole thing up!"

"Pfft, killjoy." Yusaku grumbled.

"Oh, come on, Akira!" Ai exclaimed. "Are you really gonna take this from her!? Honestly, does she doubt your dueling skills or something? It's not like a genius like yourself actually NEEDS an A.I. holding his hand or anything!"

"You don't think I can win?" Akira asked Emma, looking heartbroken.

 _"_ _Don't tell him what you actually think!"_ Emma angrily thought to herself. _"Just remember that this guy pays you your checks and tell him what he wants to hear!"_

 _"_ _BUT I WANNA SLUG THIS IDIOT IN THE GUT FOR RUINING MY PLANS!"_ Another part of Emma shouted back.

 _"_ _It's okay."_ The more reasonable part of Emma whispered back. _"We can handle this. Just take a deep breath and visualize Akira as a giant cash cow."_

Emma sucked in a breath before closing her eyes. Immediately, Akira materialized before morphing into a fat cow with Akira's face and a green cash udder.

 _"_ _Good!"_ Emma's reasonable self encouraged. _"Now…slowly reach out your hand and grab the cash cow's udder."_

Emma smiled to herself before reaching out and grasping the crisp cash cow teats.

 _"_ _Are you thirsty?"_ Emma's reasonable self asked.

 _"_ _Yeah."_ Emma answered, leaning down to smell the fragrant cash milk sloshing around inside.

 _"_ _Yeah."_ Reasonable Emma agreed, _"You're_ very _thirsty. You don't care how stupid the cash cow is, or how it sometimes lays a patty in the middle of your best laid plans. You just want to drink its soft, rich, pocket-book filling milk! So just forget about everything else and MILK THAT COW!"_

Emma started milking, furiously squeezing and pulling until the cash poured into her bucket. Across from her, the Akira cow let out panicked Moos…

…which slowly resolved into human speech.

"OUCH! OW! WHAT THE!?" Akira screamed. "WHY ARE YOU!? OW!"

Emma suddenly awoke to find herself pinching both of Akira's nipples between her hands rather hard. Akira stared at Emma, looking both panicked and aroused at the same time. Yusaku and Ai stared open-mouthed at the scene in complete shock. From behind her pillar, Blue Angel snapped a picture for later blackmail.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Emma buzzed, blushing furiously, "…I was uhm…"

 _"_ _THINK OF SOMETHING!"_ Emma's brain screamed, no longer reasonable or compassionate at all.

"I was just trying to express to Akira how much I believe in him!" Emma rapidly shouted, immediately removing her hands from his chest. "And how what I said has absolutely nothing to do with how much I want his money!"

"By grabbing his nipples and trying to milk him like a cow?" Yusaku asked, a look of not a little skepticism on his face.

"Yes..." Emma blandly replied. "…it's a…normal…thing…we do…all the time…"

"Can I…" Akira began, reaching out his hand.

 **"** **NO!"** Emma roared in an absolutely demonic voice, eyes becoming flames.

"But you do like me for more than just my money?" Akira prodded.

 **"** **SURE! FINE! WHATEVER! JUST LET YOUR DUEL DISK DUEL FOR YOU ALREADY!"** Emma bellowed.

"Alright then!" Akira enthused, grinning like a three-year-old. "What do you think we should do, Disky?"

"I do not approve of that moniker." Akira's duel disk droned in the refined voice of a nobleman's butler.

"Yeah, I don't like monkeys either." Akira agreed. "They were always making fun of me for eating bananas the wrong way."

"Let's stay focused, master." Akira's duel disk groaned. "Do you even know how to play the game?"

"I can burp my ABCs!" Akira enthused before proceeding to demonstrate.

"Ugh…" Akira's duel disk sighed, "…let's just go over the basics. During your first turn you can summon a monster, set cards face-down, or activate spell cards. You get the first move, master, try not to screw this up too badly."

"Will do!" Akira replied, assuming a heroic stance, "Get ready, Playmaker, because I'm not holding anything back!"

"Oh please don't." Playmaker snickered. "I want your stupidity on full display right now."

"I set Tindangle Angel face-down so you don't know what it is!" Akira began, slapping a card down on his duel disk."

"Tin-what?" Yusaku snickered, taking notes.

"He's trying to say 'Triangle.'" Emma groaned, face-palming.

"Tri-what?" Akira asked.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm doing this." Emma sighed, pinching her forehead before slowly moving her mouth, "Okay, say it with me, tri-an-gle."

"Tin-dan-gle." Akira pronounced.

"Tri-an-gle." Emma repeated.

"TiiIIIiin-DAaaauuuhhhnnnn-glllllllllllllLLLLe." Akira choked.

"Tri, tri, tri, triiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii." Emma insisted.

"Tind, tind, tind, tiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiind!" Akira agreed.

"Okay, so 'circle.'" Emma ordered.

"Circle." Akira repeated.

"Square."

"Square."

"Triangle."

"Tindangle."

"You're hopeless." Emma sighed.

"Thanks!" Akira beamed.

"That wasn't a…!" Emma sputtered, "You know what, never mind! I've just stopped caring at this point!"

"Stay strong, my love!" Akira reassured Emma, causing her to visibly gag, "I will attain victory for your sake! Disky, what do you think I should do?"

"Sigh. You could always use your Base Guardna's effect." The duel disk suggested.

"Alright!" Akira agreed, "Watch this, Emma! I summon Tindangle Base Guardna in attack mode!"

"Existence…is…pain!" Akira's monster, a twisted mass of muscles, nerves, spikes, and eyeballs congealed into a horrific icosahedron of pure agony, groaned as it appeared next to Akira's face-down monster…in defense position.

"Wait…" Akira's disk exclaimed, "You said you wanted to summon your monster in attack position, yet you summoned it in defense position! Do you not even know the difference!? For that matter, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SUMMON BASE GUARDNA IN ATTACK POSITION!?"

"To attack with it." Akira innocently replied.

"YOU CAN'T ATTACK ON YOUR FIRST TURN AND BASE GUARDNA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ATTACK POINTS!" Akira's duel disk screamed.

"Just give it up." Emma sighed, filing her fingernails. "It'll save you your sanity."

"Of all the idiots I have been assigned to assist in this mindless game." Akira's duel disk sputtered. "Brain the size of a planet and I get assigned to babysitting this idiot! What a disgrace!"

"So, what should I do now?" Akira asked his duel disk.

"Please at least tell me you know about Magic and Trap Cards."

"Do I!?" Akira enthused before pausing. "Uhm…Emma…do I?"

"They're those little green and red cards you like to lick sometimes." Emma replied.

"You mean the cherry and lime-flavored ones?" Akira asked.

"Set one of those face-down." Emma confirmed.

"Alright!" Akira replied. "I'll finish up my move by setting a trap card…"

"You don't have to tell them what kind of card it is you're setting!" Akira's duel disk snapped.

"…by setting a _monster_ in my Spell/Trap Zone!"

"This isn't an Artifact deck! You can't set monsters in your Spell/Trap Zones!"

"Yeah, but see, I want Playmaker to THINK it's a monster instead of my Trap Card, Lem-…"

"DON'T SAY WHAT IT IS!"

"Turn end!" Akira finished, shutting up.

 **Actual Anime Dialogue**

Ai: His dueling is stiff, just like him.

…

"OOOH! SICK BURN!" Yusaku laughed.

"Hey! I resent that!" Akira protested, arms exactly parallel to his completely straight body. "Emma, would you mind moving my head so I can shake it in disapproval? I'd do it myself but I think the muscles in my neck froze up."

"Oh no, please, stay like that," Yusaku insisted, "I want to see your expression frozen in rigid horror when you receive the a** whooping I'm about to unleash on you."

"Ha! There's no way you can get through my TWO monsters!" Akira taunted.

"Oh no! Twenty-three hundred defense and a lone face-down card, whatever will I, the virtually invincible Playmaker, do?" Yusaku exclaimed in mock horror. "How about I just spam a couple mini Gundam knock-offs and Stack Reviver before using them all as materials to RIIIIIIIIIIIIINK SHOUKAN! ARAWAYO! DECODOH TALKAH!"

"Aw yeah! Featured in every duel ever!" Decode Talker whooped.

"Not the last two duels." Encode grumbled from within the duel disk.

"I know you weren't, but what am I!?" Decode shot back.

"That doesn't even make any sense." Encode huffed.

"Oh my gosh, Decode Talker, the only card Playmaker ever summons despite the fact that it's not even the best Code Talker monster!" Akira exclaimed in surprise. "I never even saw him coming!"

"Well if you didn't see that coming, then I can't wait to get your reaction when I just spam back two more monsters while boosting Decode Talker's ATK to 3300."

Akira screamed in astonishment, unable to believe that Playmaker, who made a habit of routinely summoning a rather screw-the-rulesish amount of monsters during every one of his turns, had apparently screwed the rules yet again to bring back almost all his materials while at the same time beefing up Decode Talker to actually be stronger than Base Guardna's whopping twenty-three hundred DEF. I mean seriously, could ANYONE have seen this coming!?

Akira certainly couldn't have.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!" Akira gasped, arms flailing around, "EMMA! WHAT DO I DO!? WHAT DO I DO!?"

"DO THE THING!" Emma roared.

"WHAT THING!?" Akira sputtered.

"READ…BASE…GUARDNA'S EFFECT!" Akira's duel disk thundered.

"DECODOH TALKAH!" Yusaku roared, as his ace monster charged forward, raising his sword into the air, "DECODOH ENDO-…!"

"TIME! TIME! TIME!" Akira bellowed, forming his hands into a T.

Decode Talker paused mid-swing.

"Wha…Decode, what are you doing?" Yusaku growled in irritation.

"Sorry, but he called time." Decode Talker shrugged. "I can't attack him while he's calling time."

"Are you freaking serious right now?" Yusaku grumbled. "And just when I was about to beat this guy into a pool of retarded tar and abscond with the loot."

"Oh don't worry." Akira reassured Yusaku. "I'm just gonna read my card's effect and then I'll get right back to you."

"You might want to grab a good book while you're waiting." Emma advised.

"Why?" Yusaku asked. "How long is it gonna take this idiot to-…?"

 **55 minutes later…**

"Oh! That's really cool!" Akira exclaimed, "I had no idea my card could do that!"

"What, huh!?" Yusaku exclaimed, suddenly jerking awake before brushing Blue Angel off, who giggled before hustling back behind her pillar. "Oh, right. I'm dueling. Ai! Wake up! I need you to see me win so I can gloat about it later!"

Ai yawned before emerging from Yusaku's duel disk. "Did Akira finally finish reading his card?"

"Yep!" Akira replied. "And I did it all by myself without Emma's help!"

"Remarkably." Emma yawned, lounging on her beach chair while reading a novel and drinking a glass of lemonade. "Though he did get a lot of help from his duel disk."

Akira's duel disk began crying with pain before shooting itself in its digital software head and ending its torment.

"I activate Tindangle Base Guardna's effect!" Akira proclaimed. "I sacrifice this card…"

"PLEASE! END US!" Tindangle Base Guardna shrieked in agony before exploding into a cloud of dust.

"…in order to Special Summon Tindangle Hound!"

"ZUUL!" an absolutely enormous contorted eldritch nightmare of twisted torture roughly hewn into the vague form of a doggo roared, causing Decode Talker to back away in fright.

"Zuul?" Yusaku asked, not getting the very clever and hilarious reference that only a complete FOOL would not laugh at and comment on the brilliance of in the review section.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Tindangle Hound apologized in an extremely morose voice that sounded like a sustained groan. "I was attempting to distract myself from how dismal life was by acting intimidating. It didn't work."

"Wow, you sound almost as bad as Aoi." Yusaku commented.

"Everyone's equally terrible." Tindangle Hound agreed with a depressed sigh.

"Not me!" Decode Talker bragged, flexing his arms. "I'm the best guy I know!"

"It's nice to know that you're only friend is yourself." Tindangle Hound complimented.

"Only friend?" Decode Talker replied, sounding confused.

"Nobody likes you except yourself." Tindangle Hound clarified. "It must be really nice. I wish I could like myself. It would distract me from how utterly horrible I am."

"But…but…but that's not true!" Decode Talker protested. "I can't be the only one who likes me! Encode! Back me up here!"

"Nope, the hound is right on this one." Encode called from the Extra Deck.

"Oh my Egyptian Gods…" Decode gasped, "…suddenly I feel so…so…depressed."

He slumped to his knees, ATK dropping with his happiness.

"The flip just happen?" Yusaku gaped, looking around to notice Emma, Akira, and Ai drooping with sorrow along with his monsters. In fact, investigating just a bit more, it seemed like he and Aoi were the only ones still standing up straight.

"It's Tindangle Hound's personality." Aoi yawned in a bland monotone. "Only the truly emo are immune to its joy dampening effect."

"Because we already know that life and everyone in it sucks?" Yusaku guessed.

"Exactamundo." Aoi replied.

"You know I really hate that monster, Akira." Emma groaned. "How am I supposed to enjoy my money when that thing is around to remind me how irrelevant it is?"

"Don't worry." Tindangle Hound soothed. "Soon, none of us will be around."

"You shut up." Emma groaned.

"Even though this duel is probably pointless," Akira sobbed, wiping a tear from his eye, "I'll still continue on because I love Emma!"

"Despite the fact that your love will never be requited." Hound added.

"What does rekwidle mean?" Akira asked.

"You don't want to know." Hound groaned.

"Yeah, trust me, Akira." Yusaku replied. "In your case, you don't."

"It's the kind of thing that happens to Playmaker's love when he tries to give it to his parents." Hound clarified.

"Don't you DARE push that button!" Yusaku threatened.

"Okay. I'll just let the horrible repressed memories fester on their own." Hound replied.

"Well, whatever." Yusaku grumbled. "Even if Decode Talker is acting like a baby, he should be strong enough to utterly waste whatever that pathetic face-down card is!"

"Nope!" Akira countered. "I activate Lemon Point!"

"Lemoine Point." Emma corrected.

"It's pointless either way." Hound reminded.

"And what does THAT card do!?" Yusaku grumbled, growing ever more exasperated.

"Dude, do we even care at this point?" Decode Talker wept. "Or are you just gonna make me perform some other menial task because apparently nobody cares about me!"

"Look, Decode," Yusaku sighed, "I'm dealing with enough crap in this ridiculous duel already. The last thing I want to do now is deal with your emotional crisis on top of this!"

"Right, because why should _anybody_ care enough to worry about how _I_ feel." Decode moped.

"I wonder the same thing about both of us." Hound commented.

"Nevermind!" Yusaku huffed. "I don't need you anyway! I got a whole Extra Deck of flunkies to replace the likes of you with! So I'm just gonna RINK SHOUKAN and summon Flame Administrator!"

"Yo." Flame Administrator said in greeting, due to the fact that Donny absolutely for the life of him couldn't think of any sort of hilarious and witty intro dialogue for Flame Administrator that would be thematically appropriate and/or in keeping with the aforementioned monster's made-up personality, which further complicated the fact that…

"Nobody cares about the author or his behind-the-scenes commentary anyway." Hound interrupted, ironically getting the story back on track whilst hurting Donny's feelings. *Sob*

"Flame Administrator's effect!" Yusaku declared, "My Decode Talker gains eight-hundred ATK!"

"Ha, ha! Silly Playmaker." Akira laughed. "My Tindangle Hound makes your monster lose one-thousand ATK and one-thousand is bigger than eight-hundred."

"Thanks for the math lesson, genius." Yusaku snapped. "But in case you forgot, Decode gains an additional five-hundred ATK for every monster it's linked to so its ATK is actually higher than Hound's right now!"

"…what?" Akira asked, completely confused.

"Don't try to explain the math to him." Emma warned.

"That would be completely pointless." Hound agreed.

"Yeah, I wasn't planning to do that anyway." Yusaku replied. "I'm just gonna let him figure out what the number '0' means when his life points reach that point. DECODOH TALKAH!"

"Yeah, that's my name." Decode Talker huffed. "What, you got another meaningless job for me?"

"It's probably just the old meaningless job." Hound suggested. "Living."

"Yeah, I want you to kill that hound!" Yusaku growled.

"Oh, so you care enough about me to use me as your slave, is that it?" Decode grumbled. "Is that the only reason you bother talking to me, so I can kill stuff for you?"

"That's not completely true." Hound protested. "He also likes to use you as meaningless link material for his other monsters."

"Oh great, now I feel even more depressed." Decode Talker complained.

"Oh you've gotta be…! AURGH!" Yusaku roared. "I am NOT giving you a pep talk! Just do what I tell you and attack that monster already!"

"No." Decode replied.

"I told you to!"

"I don't want to."

"I DON'T CARE!"

"Nobody does." Hound agreed.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Yusaku bellowed before rubbing his forehead with exasperation. "Oh whatever! Ai, cheer Decode up."

"Why am I the pep-talker!?" Ai complained.

"Because I said you were." Yusaku replied.

"Well what if _I_ don't want to…"

Ignis stopped when he noticed Yusaku's finger hovering over the "DELETE" button, a murderous expression on his face.

"Yes master!" Ai squeaked. "Uhm…hey…Decode?"

"What do _you_ want?" Decode groaned.

"Oh, you know…erm…I just wanted to…uhm…talk to you…buddy? Chum? Other word that implies closeness?"

"Yeah right." Decode grumbled. "You aren't my real friend, anyway. Nobody likes me."

"Well that's not true!" Ai exclaimed, "Why, I'm sure that there are…uhm…LOTS of people, who uh…don't think that your arrogant brain-dead jock personality isn't at all annoying?"

"Right. Name one." Decode grumbled.

"Uhm…uh…" Ai buzzed while desperately thinking, _"Don't say Encode! Don't say Encode!_

 _Don't say Encode! Don't say Encode!"_

"Uhm…" Ai stared at Yusaku's field. "Flame Administrator? Do you like Decode?"

"Yeah, he's okay, I guess." Flame Administrator shrugged.

"Wait…you mean that?" Decode asked.

"Yeah, sure, whatever dude."

"I…I have another person who likes me!" Decode exclaimed, feeling his strength and enthusiasm returning. "One other person thinks I'm okay!"

"What a heart-warming revelation." Hound enthused. "Now only roughly seven-billion people hate your guts."

"Shut up, Hound, I aint carin about what you're thinkin anymore!" Decode replied, DECODOH ENDOHing Tindangle Hound in the face.

"Thanks for acknowledging my pathetic existence before killing me." Hound groaned before exploding in a blast of dust.

"Ouch! That one-hundred damage hurts slightly!" Akira complained, massaging the widdle cut on his shoulder.

"Oh no, poor Akira." Emma idly replied in the background. "Also, does everything suddenly seem a whole lot more cheerful now that that hound is gone?"

"Yeah, I feel way happier now that it's dead." Akira agreed. "Why did I summon that dumb monster in the first place? I mean, seriously, who's gonna mourn the death of…?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" A shrill whiney high-pitched little sister voice screamed from Akira's field.

"Oh Egyptian Gods no!" Emma groaned. "Please tell me you didn't set _that_ card!"

"Oh, Tindangle Angel. What about her?" Akira asked before his face-down monster flipped up to reveal Hound's…well…I guess I wouldn't describe her as "adorable" per se, but maybe…at least aspiring-to-be-cute-in-some-way imouto.

"HOUNDY!" Angel bawled. "No! You can't die yet! We were supposed to star in the next season of 'Eromanga Sensei!'"

"…not even gonna ask." Ai replied.

"So I'm gonna use my **dark demon powers** to resurrect my onii-chan!"

"Wait…what!?" Yusaku exclaimed.

" **Napaj ni yako si taht esuaceb htiw pihsnoitaler citnamor a evah yllatot lliw I ohw rehtorb detaler doolb-non ym esira!"** Angel chanted in an utterly demonic voice before reanimating her brother from the grave.

"Thanks for extending my suffering imouto-chan." Hound groaned.

"Yaaaaaay! Onii-Chan!" Angel squealed with delight before hugging her brother.

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?" Yusaku bellowed. "AFTER ALL THAT TROUBLE TO KILL THAT THING!? FLAME ADMINISTRATOR, ATTACK THAT STUPID MALFORMED DEMON ANGEL THING!"

"That would be completely pointless." Hound groaned, his infectious pessimism putting everyone down in the dumps again.

"Yeah." Flame Administrator agreed. "Honestly, I don't see the point of even continuing the battle-phase at all."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Yusaku sputtered, nearly foaming at the mouth.

Suddenly, Emma's eyes widened as if with realization.

"What is it?" Yusaku groaned.

"Oh my gosh! I just figured it out!" Emma exclaimed. "Akira's monsters are an analogy of his familial relationship with Aoi! The Hound is Akira, because both of them are big stupid lumbering wastes of carbon dioxide whose presence only ruins the happiness of other people, while the Angel is obviously Aoi since she _clearly_ wants to bang her own brother and will go so far as to commit acts of necromancy in order to do it!"

"Uhm…" Blue Angel replied.

"Yeah…no." Aoi agreed.

"Yeah, that analogy felt too forced anyway." Emma shrugged before going back to filing her nails.

"It's not that we'd be against some incest or necrophilia…" Blue Angel explained.

"Necrowhat?" Akira asked.

"Aoi will explain those things to you when you stop being an idiot." Aoi calmly replied.

"How the heck do you two even stand to live in the same house anyway?" Yusaku asked, looking from Akira to Aoi/Blue Angel with complete disgust. "It's like the universe decided to one day cherry-pick the two most absolutely horrible, annoying, toxic, idiotic, degenerate sub-humans on the entire planet and concentrate their awfulness in the same household!"

"I know right?" Emma replied. "How _do_ you and Ai manage to not kill each other every single day?"

"I was talking about Akira and Aoi." Yusaku growled.

"Oh. Really?" Emma replied.

"Well, there is a highly detailed and lengthy backstory that explains all that." Akira replied. "It all started when…"

 **Actual Anime Dialogue**

Ai: He's about to tell a story!

…

"I KNOW HE IS!" Yusaku snapped. "That's why I'm going to shut him up before he starts!"

"Then why'd you ask him the question in the first place?" Ai asked.

"I was setting up for a sick burn against both him and his sister when Emma stole the wind from my sails with _her_ stupid comment!"

"Not sorry!" Emma called back.

"F you!" Yusaku retorted.

"…Aoi and I's parents had just decided to marry, making Aoi my sweet, cute, adorable, **non-blood related,** sibling!" Akira continued, causing the scene to fade away into a…

 **FLASHBACK!**

Akira's Dad: I love our new family so much.

Aoi's Mom: Yep, I love them too!

Aoi: I love you brother!

Akira: I love you all so much!

*Everyone hugs each other*

Akira Narrator: Everything was all hunky dunky, and then, one day, Mom and Dad decided to take a happy vacation to a tropical island in the sky!

Akira's Dad: Bye son!

Aoi's Mom: Bye daughter!

Akira's Dad and Aoi's Mom: We'll be back eventually! *Disappear in a puff of cotton candy*

Akira Narrator: Aoi and I still miss them a little bit, but it's okay because we all lived happily ever after!

 **End Flashback**

Akira stood beaming on his side of the duel field, finger raised to brush a happy tear from his eye.

"So wait…" Ai began before Yusaku clamped a hand around his hostage's non-existent mouth.

"I liked that story. It was short. Now can we please…?"

"Aoi would like to point out that Onii-Chan's depiction of Aoi and Onii-Chan's backstory was completely inaccurate." Aoi remarked, stepping out from behind her pillar.

"I know, right!" Blue Angel scoffed. "It doesn't even explain how _I_ was birthed into existence!"

"Aoi and Blue Angel will now proceed to correct Onii-Chan's gross errors by presenting the accurate version of Onii-Chan and Aoi's backstory."

"Oh no you don't!" Yusaku protested. "I was already forced to sit through one back story! I am not gonna…!"

"It all started when…" Blue Angel began as harp music slowly transitioned them into the next flashback.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Yusaku screamed before…

 **FLASHBACK!**

Akira's Dad: Well honey, now that we're officially step-parents, what do you want to do?

Aoi's Mom: How about we immediately ditch our kids and go on an extended honeymoon?

Akira's Dad: Sounds great to me!

Aoi's Mom: Glad you agree. Akira, you're in charge while we're away!

Akira: Duh…okay!

Akira's Dad: Are you sure putting Akira in charge is the best idea?

Aoi's Mom: Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen? I mean, it's not like we're gonna die or anything and _leave_ him in charge.

Narrator Aoi: And then Aoi's parents died in a car accident.

Serenity: JOEY! I STILL CAN'T STEER THIS THING!

Joey: SERIOUSLY!? APPLY THE HAND BREAK! THE HAND BREAK!

Akira's Dad: Is that a six-year-old girl driving that car head-long into our-…

*Massive collision and explosion*

Narrator Aoi: …and left Akira in charge.

Akira: Look on the bright side, lil sis! Both our parents may be dead…

Aoi: *Eyes overshadowed with overwhelming despair* Dead…inside…darkness…closing in…

Akira: …but at least you've got ME to take care of ya!

Aoi: *Breaks down sobbing*

Akira: *Hugs Aoi* There, there, Aoi. It'll be alright. We're rich, so I'll have plenty of money to take care of you.

Narrator Aoi: And that's how we lost all our money…

Akira: Aoi…what does bankrupt mean?

Aoi: *Talking to her stuffed Evilswarm Mandragora doll* It's going to be alright, Misses Mandragora. It's gonna be alright. I'm never letting you go. Mom and Dad might be gone. But I'll be here for you. And you'll be here for me. You'll always be here for me! Yes! I'm not going crazy! I can't go crazy so long as I have you! Eh heh! AH! HAW HAW HAW!

Narrator Aoi: …and ended up on the street.

Narrator Akira: But I did find that one job with those nice people!

Narrator Aoi: Right…

Yakuza Crime Boss: So basically, if you can't crack this firewall in less than five minutes, we're cracking your bones instead.

Akira: Don't worry, I got this!

Aoi: *Shaking her head* He didn't got this.

Akira: *Rushing into the rat hole he and Aoi live in* Aoi! I've got good news, bad news, and mixed news!

Aoi: *Speaking in monotone to her stuffed Evilswarm Mandragora* Six-Year-Old Aoi is surprised Akira has any good news at all. Misses Mandragora is equally incredulous, aren't you Misses Mandragora?

Akira: The good news is that I think I've managed to evade the crime lords who are out to kill us.

Aoi: Six-Year-Old Aoi is almost persuaded to applaud Akira's efforts, were it not for the fact that Misses Mandragora is kindly reminding Six-Year-Old Aoi of the fact that it was Akira whose stupidity caused us to get entangled in the Yakuza anyway.

Akira: The bad news is that we're completely out of food and money.

Aoi: Six-Yeah-Old Aoi and Misses Mandragora have also come to the same grim conclusion.

Akira: And so the mixed news is that I have a new idea!

Aoi: *Completely sarcastic* Six-Year-Old Aoi and Misses Mandragora are so excited to hear Akira's latest idiotic idea.

Akira: The idea is to sell Misses Mandragora for dinner! *Grabs Aoi's stuffed animal*

Aoi: *Suddenly explodes with hysteria, completely losing her monotone* MISSES MANDRAGORA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't lose you! I can live through my dad dying! I can live through my mom dying! I can live through losing my home and being forced to sleep in the rain! I can live through nearly starving to death every week! I can even live with Akira's idiocy! BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MISSES MANDRAGORA! Please, Akira, I'm begging you, whatever you do, don't…

Akira: *Wearing a street vendor outfit* Cup of Ramen for an old stuffed duel monster doll!? Get your old stuffed duel monster doll! AND SOLD! *Hands the doll over to some random stranger who hands over a cup of Ramen noodles before running off* Sorry Aoi, what were you saying?

Aoi: *Breaks inside* Aoi…has…nobody. Aoi…is…alone. No dad. No mom. No siblings. Akira doesn't count. Can't count on Akira. Definitely not Akira. Only Misses Mandragora loved Aoi. Now Misses Mandragora is gone and Aoi has nobody. Can't stand it. Going crazy. Can't take it anymore! Aoi…need…love! Aoi…need…someone! Someone…to…love her! AOI…NEED… **BOYFRIEND!**

Narrator Blue Angel: And that's how my psyche was birthed into existence!

Narrator Akira: But where did your robotic speech pattern and referring to yourself in the third person come from?

Narrator Blue Angel: Oh, that had something to do with some girl the two of you met before I existed. Apparently, she and Aoi formed a _very_ close relationship with one another and ended up playing a _significant role_ in each other's development as a character before you were forced to move on because of some bogus incident involving a wedding ring and a very unforgiving and unreasonable mother.

Narrator Aoi: But Aoi doesn't talk about her because Aoi has suppressed the memory. So, nobody should ask any more questions about that.

Narrator Akira: Oh, alright. Just curious. But anyway, after all that happened, I got hired as SoL Technology's security chief!

Narrator Emma: Okay, I'm legitimately curious. How exactly did THAT happen!?

Narrator Akira: Well…

Queen: *conducting a job interview in her bathing suit* So…Akira…was it? Tell me about your…*glances at Akira's muscular figure underneath his business suit*…qualifications. What makes you think I'd consider including you as part of our…*licks lips*…service staff?

Akira: I once made a picture of a dog using glue, macaroni, and hotdogs!

Queen: Indeed. So…skilled. Why, I'm certain those strong and dexterous hands of yours could be employed in all sorts of creative…*breathes in through her nose before exhaling a cloud of steam*…endeavors.

Akira: So, does this mean I'm hired?

Queen: *Talking to herself* Oh my gosh, he's so hot and innocent! Okay! Play it cool! PLAY IT COOL! Ahem! *addresses Akira* Well, I'm not _quite_ sure yet…I still have to complete my…examination. Take off your shirt.

Akira: What?

Queen: Your shirt! Rip it off! NOW!

Akira: Okay? *Takes off his shirt*

Queen: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! *Blushes at the sight of Akira's shirtless form* Yes! I think your _over_ qualified. I'm hereby appointing you as SoL's head of security and my personal…bodyguard.

Akira: Yaaay!

…

"And now you know the awful truth!" Akira proclaimed as the flashback ended.

Across from Akira, Yusaku was snoring loudly, eyes closed and a line of drool streaming down his chin.

"Uhm…Playmaker?" Ai asked, slapping Yusaku on the cheek.

"Wha-HUH!?" Playmaker exclaimed, coming back to reality. "Oh. Right. I still don't care."

"Do you care about the fact that Akira's monster is about to destroy Flame Administrator?" Ai asked as Tindangle Hound began charging towards them.

"Somehow I doubt anybody cares." Hound replied before pouncing on Flame Administrator blasting Yusaku and Ai back with the resulting explosion.

"OKAY! THAT DOES IT! I AM NOT LOSING TO AN IDIOT!" Yusaku roared, managing to rise back to his feet. "I'M WAY BETTER THAN AKIRA!"

"Which isn't saying much." Hound commented. "Though on the bright side, it does mean you have a lot more room for failure down the road."

"SHUT UP!" Yusaku sputtered. "I am the mother-flipping protagonist and I am about to prove it! I summon Balancer Lord and then I activate Unlimited Code! This card allows me to randomly spam out Encode Talker for free! COME FORTH! ENCODOH TALKAH!"

"Hey bro! How you doing?" Decode Talker asked as Encode Talker just appeared to the duel field in a puff of smoke.

"I'd say I was ecstatic to be back here on the battlefield with you..." Encode began.

"But we all know it's a filthy lie." Hound groaned.

"Finally, someone who gets it." Encode sighed. "If only we weren't on opposing sides."

"I doubt we'd be friends anyway." Hound replied.

"Well that's unnecessarily harsh." Said Encode. "I was only trying to be friendly."

"No need to pretend that you like me." Hound groaned. "I already know how dreadful I am."

"Are you…always like this?" Encode asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Before I exited the womb, I used to be very naïve and happy." Hound explained. "That was before learning about how utterly horrible life is. I'd share my world philosophy with you, but it'd just be pointless in the end considering how we'll all die alone no matter what."

"Man…this…negativity…" Encode gasped.

"Yeah, it's pretty bad, might as well give up." Decode agreed, before the both of them slumped to their knees, completely overcome by the weight of Hound's manic depression.

"Oh come on! Are you kidding me!? Why can't I get my monsters to do anything!?" Yusaku complained.

"Don't look at me!" Ai replied. "I'm not giving another stupid pep talk!"

"It'd be completely pointless anyway." Hound agreed.

"Oh my gosh, is Akira actually winning!?" Emma exclaimed, suddenly taking interest in the duel.

"NO!" Yusaku bellowed. "In fact, I'm about to pull off a completely epic comeback move!"

"Which is?" Ai asked.

"I…uhm…uh…"

Yusaku stood dumbfounded for several moments.

"Would you excuse me for just one moment?" Yusaku asked, before ducking behind a pillar and conferring with Ai.

"Okay, I admit it!" Yusaku whispered to Ai, "I'm stumped! I can't believe I'm about to say it, in fact I'm just about to throw up in my mouth, but that idiot's actually pulling it off!"

"If only we had an extremely powerful link four ace monster to use against his manically depressed eldritch horror show." Ai whispered back.

 _"_ _Uhm…guys?"_ A forgotten voice whispered from their extra deck.

"But that's the thing!" Yusaku complained. "We don't currently have any card like that! And we never have nor ever will possess such an ace monster!

 _"_ _I'd like to point out…"_

"Not now." Yusaku interrupted, shutting up the voice, "Listen Ai, it's no use daydreaming about fairytales that don't exist. The fact of the matter is that my Code Talkers are the only Link Monsters I ever have or ever will possess in my Extra Deck, and none of them have the strength to beat Akira's monster."

 _"_ _But I could easily…"_

"Quiet you." Ai shushed. "You're very right, Playmaker. Honestly, I'm just as stumped as you are. Looking back at all our previous duels, I realize that we have only ever been able to defeat our opponents with the power of the various Code Talkers we've stuffed into our Extra Deck, an Extra Deck which, by the way, contains absolutely no other powerful link monsters to speak of."

 _"_ _Oh come on, now you're just…"_

"Shhhhhhhhh!" Yusaku hissed back. "I hate to say it Ai, but unless you can somehow find a way to create a data storm in the middle of this master duel,"

"Which we both know is a stupid plot point that will never happen." Ai commented.

"then there is absolutely no card whatsoever in our Extra Deck that we can rely on to get us out of this situation."

"Agreed." Ai replied. "It really is sad to think that our Extra Deck, which consists of nothing but those amazing Code Talker monsters, would possess no other card of any value."

 _"_ _OH FOR THE LOVE OF-!"_ Firewall Dragon roared before suddenly appearing to Yusaku's field with a loud "pop!"

"There, I'm here. I link summoned myself. You're welcome." Firewall Dragon grumbled.

Yusaku and Ai regarded the strange monster they had never heard of before with confused expressions.

"Who the heck is this guy?" Yusaku asked.

"I don't know." Ai admitted. "But he looks like the kind of monster that only an idiot would-…"

"OH MY EGYPTIAN GODS IT'S FIREWALL DRAGON, PLAYMAKER AND AI'S EPIC ACE MONSTER!" Akira exclaimed. "OH MY GOSH I'M SO HYPED TO SEE HIM MAKE A RETURN IT'S BEEN LIKE SIX WHOLE EPISODES SINCE WE'VE SEEN HIM!"

"We'll, it's nice to know that _somebody_ appreciates my work." Said Firewall, beaming at Akira with pride while throwing a condemning glance in the direction of Yusaku and Ai.

"Honestly, I'm surprised _anybody_ appreciates you. Oh wait…sorry, I didn't mean to come across as offensive. Just honest." Hound commented.

"Now _that_ hurts." Firewall exclaimed, feeling his ATK drop. "Why ya gotta be like that, Doggy?"

"Thanks for the nickname, by the way. I find it extremely demeaning. Nobody's ever taken the time to insult me like you did." Hound replied.

"Oh, I didn't mean to insult you by calling you 'doggy.'" Firewall apologized. "I was just saying that you're…well…I wouldn't exactly say 'cute,' but…sort of…oh…you know…"

"Don't bother." Hound groaned. "Your compliment will just end up being as dreadful as life is."

"Wow, you really are the worst." Firewall observed. "No wonder Playmaker couldn't deal with you. You're just such a pediatricianist!"

"What was he trying to say?" Ai asked, confusion growing.

"I have no idea, and I don't care at this point." Yusaku replied. "A win's a win, so I activate the magic card, PLOT HOLE! This card allows me to Raigeki my opponent's field, and I don't even have to remember what the activation requirements are!"

"And I immediately recant all statements I made regarding the possibility of Akira winning." Emma sighed as Decode Talker and Firewall Dragon began charging up their super special awesome ultra attack combo and launching it at Akira's monsters.

"At least we'll still be together, Onii-chan." Angel beamed, hugging Hound.

"Yep, I knew it'd be completely dreadful." Tindangle Hound groaned before they both exploded.

"You may have destroyed my monsters," Akira countered, "but I still have my continuous trap card to-…"

At that very moment, Lemoine Point exploded.

"Well, son of a Sangan." Akira finished.

"Foolish Akira!" Yusaku proclaimed, face contorting into one of victorious evil. "You thought you could actually defeat me!? You were but a ball at the end of the string _I_ was playing with the whole time! I admit, it was fun mocking you by pretending to be driven into a corner and allowing you to delude yourself into thinking you could actually win with your pathetic strategy!"

"Yeah, heh, heh, we were faking the whole time." Ai nervously agreed.

"But now the game is over." Yusaku sneered. "Sorry, Akira, but as amusing a punching bag as you make, I'm afraid I have an unsettled score to settle with you. Remember that time you squeezed me?"

"No! No! No! No! No!" Emma sputtered.

"Oh yeah!" Akira replied with a laugh. "I was definitely a little cukoo-cluck back then, but it's nice to know that we've all moved on and forgiven each other for that little misunderstanding."

"NO! NO! NO!"

"Right." Yusaku sneered. "I _forgave_ you. I just don't think I've had the time to express my forgiveness! Decode Talker…destroy him."

"NO!"

"Well that's not very forgiving!" Akira complained as Yusaku's monster charged towards him.

"EFFING NO!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT!" Yusaku bellowed, "IN FACT, IT'S PRETTY ****ING SPITEFUL NOW I COME TO THINK OF IT! THANKS FOR CLARIFYING, AKIRA! NOW DIE!"

"AKIRA RUN!" Emma blurted, eyes widening with horror.

"Akira what?" Akira asked before Decode Talker's blade slammed into his body and sent him flying two-hundred feet into the air.

"Oh no, Onii-Chan's dead." Aoi murmured in a completely dispassionate voice.

"I'm thinking we store what's left of him in the freezer." Blue Angel mused. "That, or we bury him next to the other bodies in our basement."

"My…money…" Emma gasped in horror before falling to her knees.

"Mourn not, Ghost Chick." Yusaku consoled with a smug smile on his face, "For while you may have lost a lover today, and most of the loot you were hoping to nab from this place, you can console yourself with the fond memories of Akira's brave and…erm…noble sacrifice on your behalf! For while I myself shall never know of the bitter sting of defeat, I have heard from others less fortunate than myself that it is indeed far better to die penniless and in love, than to have never died at all!"

Emma opened her mouth to respond when a sudden slow and sarcastic clap interrupted them.

"Bravo, bravo." A deep, self-confident voice called from the smoke covering Akira's side of the field. "That was some speech you gave, Playmaker. How many Hallmark cards did you have to directly rip off to come up with that all on your own?"

Yusaku paused, backing away as he saw a tall figure strolling towards him through the smoke. To the side, Emma's eyes were widening with utter disbelief.

"Who-…?" Yusaku began before the figure interrupted him.

"I must say, pedestrian as your insipid duel tactics are, I was quite surprised to see you pull off what you did against my inane weaker self."

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" Emma squealed, voice going high-pitched and squeaky like a raving fan-girl as she beheld a proud, self-confident, and dominating Akira step through the smoke to regard Yusaku with an imperious expression on his face.

"What the…?" Ai sputtered while Yusaku blinked in complete confusion.

"Oh boy…Aoi didn't calculate this…" Aoi admitted.

"Yeah, I legitimately think Ysuaku-waku might have goofed on this one." Blue Angel agreed.

"But now it's time to take off the kid gloves." Akira continued, raising his duel disk. "Thank you for freeing me from that annoying drool monkey. As recompence for your arrogance, I shall now be your opponent! Despair now, Playmaker! You face my true self! SERIOUS AKIRA!"

Off to the side, Emma began screaming with ecstasy.

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

 **Sorry for the LONG hiatus again, I was VERY busy binging anime and staring blankly up at the ceiling for extended periods of time, but I finally was able to clear away my DEMANDING schedule to bring this back! BE GRATEFUL!**

 **Now to move on to an EXTENSIVE amount of reviews. Oh boy. Time to feign interest while making up some jokes. *Whips out old dusty book of witty review responses***

Tiny Kitten chapter 14 . Nov 2, 2018

Just when I have to worry about Varoload Dragon, NOW I have to worry about that freaking Synchro monster!

Varoload Savage Dragon: come out come out wherever you aaaaare human.

Eeeeeep! Cristal Wing...help...  
P.S. thanks for updating! Now excuse me as I continue to hide from Revolver's dragons.

 ***Reading from the book* Why did the Varreload Dragon Cross the Duel Field?**

 **…**

 **To get to the other,**

 **Varreload Savage Dragon: DEATH!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 14 . Nov 3, 2018

Yay it's here! My goodness I love the Emperors New Groove reference. XD Hey Akira have you ever tried seducing Ghost Girl with your SUPER serious deep voice?!

Ghost Girl: Ugh it's like I'm talking to a monkey. A BIG STUPID MONKEY NAMED AKIRA!

 **Emma: And you know what else!? I never liked your Spinach Puffs!**

 **Akira: GASP!**

 **Emma: NEVER!**

 **Akira: *Begins sobbing***

 **Blue Angel: Okay, that's it *cracks her knuckles* she's going down.**

 **Aoi: Now remember, from above, the greedy shall receive their just reward. *Look up to notice Revolver flying on his D-Board.***

 **Blue Angel and Aoi: That'll work.**

Unknowedz chapter 14 . Nov 4, 2018

1\. I'm running out of stuff to make fun of Yugioh Vrains characters! What should I do? Oh wait I have an idea:  
What if Soulburner's clingy ex Girlfriend was despair from the dark  
2\. Akira is definitely winning this duel like an honorable duelist.  
3\. I'm really wondering about Blue Girl's personality in this fanfic. Will it be better than Blue Angel's personality or worse or maybe, they are the same...

 **1.** **Soulburner: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! NO! I already have a girlfriend! She's sweet and kind and named Kiku!**

 **Kiku: What?**

 **Soulburner: NOTHING!**

 **2.** **Serious Akira: *Shrugs* Depending, of course, on one's definition of honor. *Looks at Yusaku with a sadistic expression on his face***

 **Yusaku: Mommy…**

 **3.** **Blue Girl: Okay, look, if you guys** ** _really_** **don't mind spoilers, then the first thing we need to get straight is that I'm an** ** _actual_** **character. I'm not just some kind of wannabe cliché parody like Yandere Blue Angel and Robot Aoi. I am a person, with deep and complex desires and a deep and complex personality! Would some call me strong? Sure. Independent? Why not? Empowered feminist who don't need no man and who is trying to break through the Yu-Gi-Oh Glass Ceiling to prove that she's more than a piece of eye-candy to be branded and tossed aside whenever the plot demands!? Probably.**

 **The point is that I'm me. I'm not just some doll that you can pin a set stock personality to and call it good. I'm a person, and I intend to stick around for quite a…wait…what the? NO! NOT NOW! I HAVEN'T EVEN…I WAS PROMISED AT LEAST ONE SEASON! *Begins writhing in agony as a new personality takes over***

 **Blue Maiden: Oh, ho ho ho! Well, fancy that. It would seem that the producers finally decided to stop playing around with the inexperienced small fries and hire on a** ** _real_** **woman. Rejoice devoted viewers and readers! For I, your queen Blue Maiden, am here to satisfy all your fan cravings! You may bow to me now, or else bend over so I can sit on you like a bench!**

 **Blue Angel: Who the flip are these people?**

 **Aoi: Aoi SWEARS she did not intentionally create ANY of them!**

Guest chapter 14 . Nov 4, 2018

Is it wrong that I mainly look forward to reading your responses to reviews than the story? The story is still hilarious.  
Oh and Encode I feel ya. It must be hard having Brothers that can be dumb. Like in Emperor's New Groove..."why me why me?!"

 **You should be VERY ashamed! After all, it's not like I write these responses for you…or anything…BAKA!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 14 . Nov 8, 2018

Oi! Soy soy chica con una pregunta. El Pastor de la Sangre! Tu tientes un hermana?! Ai Dios mío! How do you deal with that greedy, mischievous women, Ghost Girl!? No offens!

 **Emma: OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE MY BROTHER!?**

 **El Pastor de la Sangre: ERRES MI HERMANO!?**

 **Shippers: THEY'RE SIBLINGS AND WE'VE BEEN CREATING INCESTUAL FAN-ART AND FANFICS THIS WHOLE TIME!?**

 **Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Fan #1: I feel so guilty!**

 **Fan #2: WHY!?**

 **Fan #3: Wait! This is Japan! We could still make this work!**

 **Emma: *Vomits into a garbage can full of "Eromanga Sensei, Oreimo, and Domestic Kanojo manga.***

 **El Pastor de la Sangre: Y ahora…quiero matarme. *Shoots himself in the head***

Rebel28426 chapter 14 . Nov 8, 2018

Hey, what happened to keeping Yugioh family friendly?  
Yugi: *sends another person to hell* Yeah  
Jaden: *merges soul with devil* what  
Yusei: *millions dieing in the background* happened  
Yuma: *killing aliens* to  
Yuma: *killing everyone as Zarc* that?

 **Blue Angel: Hi, I'm Blue Angel.**

 **Aoi: And Aoi is Aoi.**

 **Blue Angel: Here at Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged, we are dedicated to continuing the abridger's legacy of providing you, the readers, with a healthy and wholesome comedy experience.**

 **Aoi: Aoi is also dedicated to purity.**

 **Blue Angel: While we understand that some jokes might come off as a little…mmm…raunchy…at times.**

 **Aoi: Such as the time Aoi ***** Yusaku with a **** *** **** while pretending to **** ***** **** and **** ***** ***** Idaho ***** **** ***** to the rhythm of **** ***** ****.**

 **Blue Angel: We want to assure you that we retain our commitment to keeping this fanfic at its T rating.**

 **Aoi: Aoi is also determined to make no lemons with Playmaker.**

 **Blue Angel: That being said, sometimes comedy, and really any other story, demands addressing things that happen in real life for the purpose of immersion and artistic completion.**

 **Aoi: Such as ***** **** ****** ***** and ****.**

 **Blue Angel: Exactly. Which is why we continue to dedicate ourselves to presenting you with the most realistic ***** **** ***** story you could possibly appreciate. You dirty degenerates.**

 **Aoi: Aoi agrees with this sentiment and will now proceed to **** *** **** ***** to express solidarity.**

 **Blue Angel: And remember, readers. It's only YOU who are filling in all the censored stuff. So, who REALLY has the dirty mind here?**

Nox Descious chapter 14 . Nov 10, 2018

Hmmmm….. you know I think that trick with the cat distraction would be very useful to counter the actions of certain...….. undesirable editors... I should try it...

Vector: AND THEN! *Sniggers as he keeps typing and sabotaging Ice Queen Cometh* Merag is SOOOOO overwhelmed by the manliness of all the vector clones that she gets down on her knees and professes her undying Love to Vector. Each of the Vectors pin her down, and then they...

Me: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! Who wants to hear a story about MY CAT! His name is Maui, and no, despite what you may think, I didnt name him after the demigod from Moana. I got him twelve years before the movie even came out. He's getting old too, but he acts like a kitten at heart. Although come to think of it, every time i thank him for purring and sleeping on my bed, he replies by saying "SO WHAT CAN I SAY, EXCEPT, YOU'RE WELCOME!"

HA! Take that, Vector! Your attempt to turn Ice Queen Cometh into smut has been foiled!

Vector: ORLY! You're one to talk, Noxy! This talk of decency and Anti-Smut is coming from the guy with the biggest slime girl fetish in history.

Me: WHAT?! I DO NOT HAVE A SLIME GIRL FETISH!

Vector: Oh come on now! Dont deny it any further! The only reason you decided to write that Spider-Man fanfiction is because that She-Venom scene from the Venom movie turned you on so much, and you blatantly confessed that Kotori getting possessed by Number 96 was heavily inspired by Venom. So you basically created She-BlackMist! How is that not a slime girl fetish? Heck, your Gwenom fanfiction is just some lame attempt to recycle dark kotori because you dont want to put her down! After all, the only fan art of ice queen cometh you ever got was of Her!

Me: THAT IS NOT TRUE... I AM NOT A ONE TRICK PONY! I am capable of creating enormous varieties of different characters. Dark Kotori and Gwenom are TOTALLY DIFFERENT!

Vector: Then you wouldnt mind if post this... rough draft... of Dark Kotori...

Me: Vector where did you get that! DONT YOU DARE POST THAT OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!

Vector: TOO LATE IT'S POSTED!

Dark Kotori: Now listen to me, Cat-Chan. You come near Yuma again, if you so much as bat your eyelashes in my Yuma-Kun's direction again, we will eat both of your arms, and then both of your legs, and then for dessert we will eat your fluffy little Neko face! So then you'll be this armless, legless faceless thing, rolling down the street. LIKE A HAIR BALL, in the wind! WE ARE NUMBER 96!

Me: I hate you so much...

 **Blue Angel: We would also like to clarify that this abridged series will absolutely not cater to such filthy fetishes as described by Noxy.**

 **Aoi: Aoi agrees, and will now proceed to demonstrate this dedication by wrestling this tentacle to the ground to punish it for everything it implies.**

 **Blue Angel: I'll help you pin it down!**

HarryPotterrrr chapter 14 . Nov 11, 2018

Do I sense a potter puppet pals refrence? ALSO IM ADDICTED TO THIS UNSHENRIDNJDDJDJDNDJRNDJRJDFJFJFJRIR IM DYINGGGGGGGGG

 ***Sigh***

 **Puppet Aoi: *Walks onto stage before hearing a ticking sound* Hmmmm…Aoi wants to know what that mysterious ticking noise is. *Looks around* It's not here or over there. *Listens some more* Kinda catchy…**

 **Aoi, Aoi, Zaizen Aoi.**

 **Aoi, Aoi, Zaizen Aoi.**

 **Puppet Takeru: TAKERU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi, Aoi, Zaizen Aoi.**

 **Puppet Takeru: TAKERU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi, Aoi, Zaizen Aoi.**

 **Puppet Takeru: TAKERU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth,**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth**

 **Puppet Aoi** ** _Puppet Earth:_** **Aoi Zaizen** ** _Earth Ignis!_**

 **Puppet Takeru: TAKERU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth,**

 **Puppet Yusaku: Yusaku**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth**

 **Puppet Yusaku: Yusaku**

 **Puppet Aoi** ** _Puppet Earth:_** **Aoi Zaizen** ** _Earth Ignis!_**

 **Puppet Takeru: TAKERU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth,**

 **Puppet Yusaku: Yusaku**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma Bessho! Emma Bessho! Mmmm!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth**

 **Puppet Yusaku: Yusaku**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma Bessho! Emma Bessho! Yeah! Emma Bessho!**

 **Puppet Aoi** ** _Puppet Earth:_** **Aoi Zaizen** ** _Earth Ignis!_**

 **Puppet Takeru: TAKERU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi!**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi!**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi!**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi!**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi!**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma!**

 **Puppet Aoi: AOI!**

 **Puppet Emma: EMMA!**

 **Puppet Takeru: *Jumps up shirtless* TAKERUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!**

 **Puppet Yusaku: YUSAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth,**

 **Puppet Yusaku: Yusaku**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma Bessho! I'm Emma Bessho!**

 **Puppet Aoi: Aoi,**

 **Puppet Earth: Earth**

 **Puppet Yusaku: Yusaku**

 **Puppet Emma: Emma Bessho! I'm Emma Bessho!**

 **Puppet Aoi** ** _Puppet Earth:_** **Aoi Zaizen** ** _Earth Ignis!_**

 **Everyone: SINGING OUR SONG! ALL DAY LONG! IN LIIIIIIIIINK VRAAAIIIIINS!**

 **Earth: I found the source of the ticking! IT'S A PIPE BOMB!**

 **Everyone: YAAAAAAAAY! Wait…WHAT!?**

 ***Explosion***

 **Revolver: *Enters the stage* Mwa, ha, ha, haaaaaaaw! *Taps his feet* Revolver! Revolver! Ooh! Revolving Revolver! Revolver! Revolver!**

Abridged Fan chapter 14 . Nov 15, 2018

*Faints like a fan girl after Revolver poses in his new avatar outfit.  
Funny chapter as always. And now for a randome question! Can you imagine Hanoi at the beach? I think girls would mentally drool over you know who.  
I can also imagine that the Ghost Girl vs Revolver dual is going to be a game of perverted torture for Hanoi's leader. Hey Trisbaena, how do you want to be voiced? Your roar is screeching high like a banshee...or worse, a roar that strikes fear into your enemies! Anyway, I suggest when that time comes that everyone covers their ears if they don't want to get bleeding ears. Keep up the great work and try to update soon!

 **Trisbaena: Like, I want to sound, like, you know, like, a sort of cliché California valley girl, because, like, that makes me sound, like, super sophisticated and intelligent! Also, like, I'm way better than that fat chick, Bomber, because, like, I'm young and hip while she's all, blah!**

 **Topologic Bomber Dragon: Well, I think I've finally found the** ** _second_** **worst person in the world. Don't worry, Ai. You're still my number one.**

Unknowedz chapter 1 . Dec 1, 2018

What is Yusaku's reaction towards Firewall dragon being Banned from Link Vrains? ( Firewall dragon just got banned )

 **Yusaku: Who's Firewall?**

Esteban chapter 14 . Dec 9, 2018

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC Pack 2: Abridged Yusaku makes his play!

Yusaku: Okay, so why am I fighting a squid loli, a guy who looks like he could split me in two (Ganondorf, the King of Disrespect), a tiny yellow...thing...and a pink puffball?

Inkling: *tugs on his pant leg*

Yusaku: The hell do you want?

Inkling: W...W...

Yusaku: Out with it, please.

Inkling: Wusaku!

Yusaku: *clutches heart* Oh god...please no...

Kirby: *wearing a Playmaker hat* Link Shoukan!

Yusaku: *throws up at the edge of the stage* How are they...so adorable...? Why can't I...be an asshole around them...?

Ganondorf: Welcome to my world, child. *petting Pichu*

 **Yusaku: *Wakes up with a gasp* Oh my gosh, I had a horrible nightmare!**

 **Aoi: *Gets up from the bed next to Yusaku* Wanna talk about it, honey?**

 **Yusaku: *Screams like a little girl***

Vrains Fan chapter 14 . Dec 10, 2018

Calling for an emergency meeting for the Code Talkers!

Endcode: All right my ( incompetent ) fellow Codetalker brothers, we have a situation here. A BAD SITUATION. Our user's rival has created another INSANELY broken card called Borreload Savage Dragon, which can easily negate our effects activation AND raise its attack to 4500. Does anyone have an idea of how to get over that?

Shooting Code: Hmmm... Mayhaps with thy help of Tri-Gate-Wizard against thy foul Synchro monstah?

Encode: NO! NOT THAT GUY AGAIN!

Tri-Gate-Wizard: Eh?! Who dare reject my assistance?! I the great wizard can cast you down with one mighty strike!

Decode: You don't even look like a wizard man.

 **Borreload Savage Dragon: *Watching the meeting with amusement* All around the Main Monster Zones, the prey runs from the Savage, the prey thought that it all was for fun…*Fires his cannon into the air*…goes the Savage.**

Unknowedz chapter 16 . Dec 25, 2018

Lightning demanded this to be Canon but the timeline is too far feteched! Donny has the right to make this not Canon. Quick! Make this non Canon or else lighting will bring ruin to this fan fiction!

 **Tindangle Hound: Don't worry. This fanfic was already ruined.**

ThePLOThand chapter 16 . Dec 25, 2018

I didn't know Lightning was capable of sarcasm, so I thought nothing about those Quotation marks.  
And to channel Nico Bessho and Joseph Joestar, your Reply will be  
A. Lightning wondering what this sarcasm Things could be  
B. Lightning having a very offended reaction at this mixed with some negative comments about Humanity  
C. Since I predicted this, you won't do any of that.

 **Lightning: Fool, but I predicted all of your mundane tactics already! Now watch as I foil your attempts to control the future!**

 **Jin: *Holds up a sign that says "You done goofed"***

 **Lightning: You may think that you have me cornered. After all, if I do neither A nor B, then your prediction comes true and if I do either A or B, your prediction ALSO comes true. OR SO YOU THINK! For you see, your fatal flaw was saying, and I quote "Since I predicted this, YOU won't do any of that."**

 **Now who could this YOU be? Since you did not specify, I shall instead decide that the YOU in option C means that JIN won't do option A or B! And thus, by having Jin actually DO option A or B, it means that I will have utterly and perfectly countered your perfect strategy! AWWWWWWW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAW!**

 **Jin: *Holds up a sign that says "That makes no sense"***

 **Lightning: What? Really? Well…uhm…TOP DECK NO JUTSU! *Explodes in a cloud of smoke***

raymond49090rc chapter 16 . Dec 25, 2018

Merry christmas

 **It's March! This review is a LITTLE late for wishing a merry Christmas! COME ON! What is wrong with you!**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 16 . Dec 25, 2018

This came in late due to wontons.

The Specters of Xanadu: "Who's this bucko saying he'll take over the world! WE'RE the ones going to take over the world, not him! Just as soon as we free our mother from her imprisonment in about...*checks the number of Files in Epsilon's outline of Garage Kids*...NOOOOOO!

Lightning: Your author's slow update speed has ensured my victory.

Me: You're still not getting Ebladeons. Hell, I've already prepped a rename for them, to the point you could say they've been scrapped. You could have Alternative Alpha Armageddon Dragon if you want though! He's a useless pile of garbage!

Alternative Alpha: *Cries big dragon tears about being called worthless by his own creator*

Rudolf: I made you for a TV Tropes story we got thrown into because Epsilon wanted advertising. Get over it. If you get lucky you'll appear in our canon. Now go back to your gigantic cage in the sky before I have to use my staff on you!

Lightning: But...it's an Integration monster...I can't use this! It would ruin the integrity of my cleverly thought-out and intricate Link Decks! He IS a worthless pile of garbage!

Alternative Alpha: *Bawls and makes that face a snake makes when it's sad...whatever and how that looks like*

Oh yeah, stuff happened in this chapter, didn't it? Eh, it wasn't anything special. Gonna be honest.

 **Would it kill you to be DISHONEST in your review for once!? COME ON!**

Rebel28426 chapter 16 . Dec 25, 2018

Thanks for the Christmas present!  
Now get back to work on the main series before I figure out how to directly contact Blue Angel so I can get her to "convince" you.

 **Blue Angel: Oh don't worry, I'm** ** _always_** **available to fulfill your wishes. Just don't check under your bed at night if you don't want to be uncomfortable.**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 16 . Dec 27, 2018

Hah hah! I love the "WRONG LEVEEEEER" part. Hey Jin, sense you can't speak, why not learn sign language or hold up signs with your thoughts written. (Who would have thought that a boy with the most delicate mind would creat one of the most powerful Ignis.) LIGHT BULB, YOUR GOING DOOOOWN!

 **Jin: *Holds up a sign that says "Sounds like a good idea, I'll take it into consideration."***

 **Lightning: How do you carry around all those different signs?**

Esteban chapter 16 . Dec 29, 2018

Merry Christmas, Don, and everyone in the abridged crew. Yes, even you, Yusaku. Look, I have a present for you. *gives him a mistletoe* OH WOW, LOOK AT THAT! YUSAKU FUJIKI, THE PROTAGONIST OF YUGIOH VRAINS WHO IS TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH AOI, IS HOLDING A MISTLETOE! IF ONLY THERE WAS A GIRL AROUND TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS SITUATION! SOMEONE WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO GO TO HIS SCHOOL PERHAPS! *hides behind Encode Talker's shield* Enjoy your Christmas, "Yusaku-waku."

 **Blue Angel: Thanks Esteban!**

 **Yusaku: Running! Running! Running!**

CeleneTheAngel chapter 1 . Jan 3

When Yusaku's entering the Vrains, maybe he should have yelled, "Link Start!" Instead.  
... where is the "VIRTUALIZATION!" Thing from anyway?

 **Epsilon, I think we need to educate Celene on the gross error he/she/it made. Would you be so kind as to indoctrinate her on the sublime transcendental eternal beauty that is Code Lyoko?**

Esteban chapter 16 . Feb 12

Well, Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Here you go, Yusaku. No homo or anything. *gives him chocolate* I know you won't eat them. Hell, you'll likely throw them away. But I just wanted you to know that while you're not being a total narcissistic asshole...You can be pretty cool sometimes.

If it ever came down to it, I'd take a Blue Angel for you. Enjoy your Valentine's. You too AI. Hell, everyone in the abridged VRAINS crew, including Donny. Even Blue Angel. Revolver, my guy. Keep up the good shit.

This may not mean much to people like Yusaku, or Blue Angel, or Emma...But I really appreciate you guys. Keep up doing...whatever the fuck this is.

Happy Valentines Day, Yugioh Vrains Abridged!

 **Yusaku: Okay, who stole my chocolates?**

 **Specter: NOM! NOM! NOM!**

 **Revolver: You do know those are made from Cacao Beans, right?**

 **Specter: Yeah. So?**

 **Revolver: Cacao Beans are tree seeds.**

 **Specter: *Vomits***

 **AND FINALLY DONE! Whew! Took a while. And now, since we are approaching the next filler chapter, HERE'S WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING!**

 **As most of you should be aware by now, I LOVE writing song parodies! But I can't sit down and write too many or else I get FAT. BUT THEY'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD! SO, in preparation of the next filler, I NEED YOUR SONG REQUESTS AND YOUR REQUESTS FOR WHO YOU'D LIKE TO SING THE PARODIED VERSIONS! (No songs in a language other than English, otherwise I can't really parody them that well, as bladeWriter3 learned with the opening song). You can even request characters who haven't appeared yet in this abridged series. Wanna hear Takeru serenade Kiku his GIRLFRIEND!**

 **Kiku: What?**

 **Takeru: NOTICE ME!**

 **Kiku: Oh hi,** ** _friend._**

 **Takeru: That does it! I WILL woo your heart! 1! 2! 3! 4!**

 **I FELL INTO A BURNING RING OF SOULFIRE!**

 **My life went down, down, down, while my card count got higher!**

 **As my soul, burns, burns, burns, in Salemangreat Fire!**

 **IN SALEMANGREAT FIRE!**

 **Kiku: *Looking up from her phone* Oh, sorry, I had to answer an important work text. What were you saying?**

 **Takeru: NOOOOOOOOO!**

 **Heck, you could even ask for a character from another YGO series!**

 **Zarc: Look at this AstroGRAPH! Every time I do it makes me LAUGH!**

 **How did my eyes get so red!?**

 **And why the heck are all these humans dead!?**

 **Yes. Submit your song requests to me and I shall parody them! I will absolutely NOT be doing that stupid survival game…**

 ***Borreload Savage Dragon lands just behind Donny***

 **…** **without also taking your song requests because I am TOTALLY doing that survival game to please you all! Later fellas! I…uhm…will totally get on with the next chapter!**

 **Borreload Savage Dragon: Let the games…begin.**


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER**

 **Serious Akira: The following is a non-profit fan-made creation. "Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains" is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, Konami, TV Tokyo, Studio Gallop, NAS, and licensed by Crunchyroll and 4K Media Inc. Please Support the official release.**

 **Ai: …where's the joke?**

 **Serious Akira: What joke?**

 **Yusaku: The joke we always tell at the beginning since this is an abridged series and we don't take the disclaimer seriously?**

 **Serious Akira: Why wouldn't I take the disclaimer seriously? It's a necessary legal addition to any non-original work. If we don't add it in, we could be sued.**

 **Ai: *slowly backing away* Acknowledging reality with such a straight face? Not even a hint of laughter or flippancy? You're scaring me!**

 **Serious Akira: *smiles smugly* You really shouldn't be surprised by any of this. You all knew what you were getting into the moment I showed up. It was practically written in my name. We're moving beyond the realm of jokes and parody. Now we're entering into another dimension, a dimension not of sight and sound but of the mind! A dimension whose boundaries are firmly encased in both logic and reason. In literature, we call this place…**

 **THE SERIOUS ZONE**

Yusaku stared at the confident and imperious Akira with some confusion, trying to process what he had just said in the last chapter.

"Serious Akira?" Yusaku asked. "What the flip do you mean by 'Serious Akira?'"

"Put simply, it means that the Akira you have known thus far was but a shade of my true self. A trifling parody put in my way as a mental obstacle to prevent me from attaining my full potential." Akira explained. "But thanks to your last attack, I believe you've finally put down that annoying dolt and allowed me to take his place. I'd like to thank you for emancipating me, but I'm afraid I mustn't dally any longer. I've got big plans in store for this entire story and you getting in my way just doesn't factor into my master plan. So I'm afraid I'll just have to remove you from the equation."

"Oh great." Yusaku grumbled, rolling his eyes. "He's changed from an idiot into a cliché anime villain. Or more accurately, he's changed from an idiot into an equally idiotic cliché anime villain! In case you haven't noticed, genius, you've got no monsters on your field and your down quite a few life points, so I really don't see how you're removing me from anything."

"Ah, about that." Akira smirked. "Trap activate! Tindangle Delauney! When I take battle damage from an opponent's attacking monster while I have three 'Tindangle' monsters with different names in my graveyard, I can destroy the attacking monster!"

"Destroy the what?" Decode Talker asked before exploding in a cloud of dust.

Akira smiled confidently before raising his hand into the air, just as an immense plume of hellish flame billowed up from behind him. "Appear! Tindangle Acute Cerberus!"

Above Akira's head, a demonic door appeared before slowly opening up. When it was just partway open, three balls of flame burst free from the doorway before crashing onto the field just behind Akira, merging together, and forming into a monstrosity plucked directly from one of H.P. Lovecraft's cocaine trips.

 **Tindangle Acute Cerberus / DARK / Links: Top, Bottom Left, Bottom Right / Fiend / Link / Effect / ATK 0 / Link – 3**

"Wait…hold on a minute!" Yusaku sputtered, flabbergasted by not only the appearance of Akira's monster, but of its bolded stat-line. "What the heck is going on here!? What's the deal with this new format!?"

"We're dueling." Akira replied with a flat expression.

"I know that!" Yusaku griped. "But what's with the hyper-realism!? You accurately read the names and effects of your cards rather than saying something like, oh, I don't know, 'I summon Triangular Gabe the Doggo using the sheer power of memes!' or something like that."

"Not to mention your monster didn't say something silly when it appeared." Firewall Dragon added.

Tindangle Acute Cerberus roared incoherently in response.

"And your dialogue there felt like it was a direct cut and paste from the original episode!" Ai complained.

"So?" Akira asked, raising his eyebrow.

"So, I think you don't quite get the game here." Yusaku huffed. "See, I don't know if this went over your big fat stupid head or something, but I'm Playmaker, strongest protagonist duelist ever. I get to play as flippantly and casually as I want, and I win anyway because reality and the plot bend to my will!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Playmaker!" Akira apologized with mock sincerity. "But I don't think I've introduced myself to you. Hello, I'm SERIOUS Akira! I'm not some cartoony caricature of an otherwise respectable canon character! I AM THE CANON CHARACTER! The real deal! The man himself in the flesh!"

"Personally, I'd like to see more of this man's flesh." Emma murmured to herself while gazing upon him.

"Oh, hi Emma." Akira replied. "How have you been doing?"

"He acknowledged my existence!" Emma screamed.

"You've got problems!" Blue Angel called from behind her pillar.

"I've got my Serious Akirahunk back!" Emma called back. "I don't know what you're problem is!"

"I actually liked the other Akira better, to be honest." Ai admitted. "And it certainly wasn't just because we could roll over him so easily."

"That Akira is gone." Akira declared with finality. "And with him, goes the whimsical fairy-tale world he represented. Jokes, memes, parodies, references, these things have no place in the world I'm going to make. Who would even want such sloppy writing and amateurish immature comedy!? I'm going to take this story in the serious direction it was always _meant_ to move towards, starting by removing all the jokes from this duel and crushing you by ACTUALLY PLAYING BY THE RULES!"

"NANI!?" Yusaku gasped in horror.

"Impossible!" Blue Angel exclaimed.

"He didn't just say…!" Ai sputtered.

"Aoi calculates that Playmaker's chances of winning an actual serious duel to be one in a million." Aoi droned.

"Hey! I'm not that bad a duelist!" Yusaku spat.

"Playmaker is correct." Aoi admitted. "Aoi was trying to spare Playmaker's feelings. The actual statistics should be one in three-million."

"Oh, aren't you such a great support." Yusaku mumbled. "Why can't you and Blue Angel act more like a cheerleader, like Emma's doing for Akira over there?"

"Give me an 'A!' Give me a 'K!'" Emma sang, waving some pom pom's in the air.

"Thanks Emma." Akira sighed, causing Emma to have a sudden anime nosebleed. "But please, don't demean yourself by acting like Blue Angel."

"Hey, I'm a yandere, not a poodle." Blue Angel sniffed. "I still have dignity."

"Which is, frankly, far more than you should have, considering that you were never supposed to exist in the first place." Akira replied, eyeing Blue Angel coldly. "Not that I care if Aoi has fantasies, but if those fantasies are going to lead her down destructive paths…if only my idiot self hadn't mucked up Aoi's childhood development so much…"

"What was that?" Yusaku asked. "Did you have some kind of past regret or character weakness you were hinting at there? Something I could exploit, preferably? I didn't quite catch it."

Akira gave Yusaku a sour look.

"I believe my sister and my idiot self already told you about our childhood." He growled. "I'll speak no more on the subject. End your turn so I can get on with ending this duel."

"See, that kind of talk makes me want to _not_ end my turn." Yusaku replied.

"Not unexpected." Akira sniffed. "I always knew that the 'Great and Mighty Playmaker' was nothing more than a coward."

"Ok, that does it." Yusaku snarled. "I was just being condescending to you before, but now that you're starting to be condescending back at _me_ , that's when I start getting angry."

"Sheesh." Akira snickered. "Talk about being unable to take what you routinely dish out."

"I set one card face-down and end my turn." Yusaku venomously replied. "Bring it on."

"Serious Akira is so amazing." Emma purred, "Summoning his ace monster during his opponent's turn, I literally don't know anyone else who has done something like that."

"Thanks for the praise, Emma." Akira yawned, "It's appreciated. However, your compliment notwithstanding, I must take issue with the inherent inaccuracy of the rest of your statement."

"Yeah." Yusaku agreed. "We all know there's nothing amazing about Serious Akira."

"Ah yes, I'd almost forgotten about the loathsome maggot whose best and only weapon was his tongue." Akira reposted (which is like a super fancy and serious way of saying "a sick burn.") "Let's take care of that, shall we? Tindangle Acute Cerberus, attack Firewall Dragon! Acute Math Blaze!"

"Wait…your monster's attack is called 'Acute Math Blaze?'" Yusaku asked with pure bewilderment as Acute Cerberus's three heads charged up their blazing attack before launching a stream of fire towards his monster.

"Such a wasted opportunity." Ai lamented. "It could have been called #420YoLoBLAZEIT or something."

"Yes because we all know how utterly creative and original weed jokes are." Akira sarcastically replied.

"Almost as creative as my PLOT DEVICE CARDS!" Yusaku sang, activating his face-down Doppler Phase Coating to protect his Firewall Dragon.

"Damage wa ukeru." Akira lazily replied, somehow managing to still damage Yusaku despite not destroying his monster. I mean, what the flip man!? Talk about cheating! I distinctly remember a rule saying that if a monster isn't destroyed, then you don't take damage!

 **Master Rule 5 expert: *Whispers something in Donjusticia's ear***

Wait…so you're saying that a player can _still_ take battle damage even if their monster isn't destroyed? Wow. I did not know that. Why didn't anybody tell me this until now!? Konami, this is a serious disservice to all player's everywhere! It should be EXTREMELY clear that if an attack-position monster battles a monster with higher ATK or DEF but does not get destroyed by battle, then the player who controlled the monster with lower ATK still takes damage! I expect Konami to do its due diligence in making sure that everyone is well-versed on this basic rule. Like, make sure that you constantly remind us. And I mean CONSTANTLY! I'm talking like in EVERY instance where this fact applies, there should be some kind of buzz word or throwaway phase the characters could say to refresh our memories. I'm just saying, I don't think this would be a bad idea.

And this shouldn't just apply to this rule either! Like, I remember when I started playing that I had absolutely no idea that you drew a card at the start of your turn, had no concept of any summoning method other than a normal summon, and I STILL to this day don't know what the crap Pot of Greed does! I am seriously gonna flip out right now unless Konami pulls itself together and starts explaining to me…!

 ***Furious whisper from my editor***

Oh...I skipped some important character development and dialogue with this rant? Sorry! Moving on!

"And that is why you will ultimately fail." Akira concluded, summoning a Tindangle Token, increasing his monster's ATK by another five-hundred, and setting two cards to end his turn.

"As convincing and insightful as your little speech was, I remain unconvinced BECAUSE I DON'T CARE!" Yusaku snarled, drawing a card from the top of his deck to start his turn. (Yes, I eventually caught on after losing several duels in which I ran out of my starting hand, but still.)

"You still refuse to understand." Serious Akira sighed before stretching his hand towards one of his face-downs. "Very well then, I shall clarify the issue for you. Trap activate! Gergonne's End! This trap card equips to my Tindangle Acute Cerberus. When all zones of Acute Cerberus are occupied by a monster, Gergonne's End's effect activates, destroying itself and all those linked monsters in order to inflict damage to your life points equal to the ATK my Acute Cerberus had before…"

"Oh, blah, blah, blah!" Yusaku interrupted, opening and closing his hand in mock imitation of Akira's mouth. "So you've got a cliché effect damage count down card that will only affect me later down the line, giving me AMPLE time to race against the clock and squash you with one second left like the bada$$ protag I am."

"You're not going to beat the clock." Akira replied resolutely. "This isn't some kind of challenge designed to prove how skillful you are. This is a simple countdown to your inevitable and inexorable defeat."

"Oh yeah!?" Yusaku snapped. "Well it looks like Serious Akira's gonna need to be renamed 'Illiterate Akira' because you obviously don't know what 'inevitable' or 'inexorable' mean."

"And what do you think they mean?" Akira replied.

"Well, see if those words were being applied to YOUR defeat, then they'd be applied in their right context." Yusaku replied, "But in my case, I think the phrase you were trying to say was, 'Yusaku's NEVER-HAPPENING and NONEXISTENT defeat since he's gonna squash me with ALERT LANCER!"

"And what does that do?" Akira asked.

"Well, you know how you thought you were so clever when you summoned that token in defense position earlier?" Yusaku smugly replied. "Basically, Alert Lancer turns your defensive wall into a gaping chink in your armor with PIERCING DAMAGE! EKAY! FIYAWARRO DOORAGUN! TEMPESTOH ATTACKOH!"

"HRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!" Firewall roared, channeling all his ki energy into a massive spirit bomb.

"I seriously can't believe what a chump the oh so intelligent and intimidating Serious Akira turned out to be." Yusaku mocked as Firewall Dragon lobbed the sphere of energy into Akira's wimpy wittle wormy Tindangle Token.

"Talk about a digital dummy." Ai agreed. "Setting himself up for piercing? Noob move!"

"Well, that certainly _would_ be pretty bad for me, had I not seen LONG in advance that you might try something exactly like this." Akira admitted before lazily flicking his hand towards one of his face-downs. "I activate Morley's Shield. Once per turn, if a 'Tindangle' monster in my Main Monster Zone battles, I take no damage. However, your attack is not _completely_ wasted as you will still destroy the token."

"Destroying a monster but NOT taking any battle damage!?" Ai gasped.

"It's like the exact opposite of Damage wa Ukeru." Blue Angel exclaimed in stunned awe of how utterly game-breaking her brother's revolutionary concept was.

"Ok, hacks! I'm calling hacks!" Yusaku sputtered apoplectically. "There's no way you're that lucky! You must be cheating!"

"Says the guy who _literally_ wins nearly all his duels by pulling a _random_ card from the data storm." Akira replied.

"I keep telling everyone that it's mad skillz!" Yusaku roared.

"You keep telling everyone that, including yourself." Akira sniffed. "It's my move again and I don't want to deal with your immaturity for much longer, so I'll make this quick. I activate Nagel's Protection. While this card is active, my 'Tindangle' monsters in the Main Monster Zones cannot be destroyed by battle. In addition, once per turn if my 'Tindangle' monster battles, I can double the damage it inflicts."

"So you're saying that that card not only turns your tokens into miniature Marshmallons, but actually DOUBLES the damage wa ukeru!?" Ai gasped in disbelief.

"I'm saying that you and your owner are basically ******." Akira replied with profound emphasis on the bleep. "Tindangle Acute Cerberus, replicate a certain scene from Playmaker vs. Revolver."

"Wait, what scene is he talking…?" Yusaku managed to get out before Acute Cerberus promptly blasted him back thirty feet, leaving Yusaku to scream out the last unwritten word of his sentence in a high-pitched girly voice.

"I summon a Tindangle Token since Acute Cerberus attacked, moving you closer to your inevitable defeat." Akira grimly proclaimed. "Turn end."

"You…cough cough… _really_ …need to get a dictionary!" Yusaku growled, slowly rising to his feet and approaching Akira. "I keep telling you that you're using 'inevitable defeat' incorrectly. There is absolute…without a doubt…no way…I am EVER…going to LOSE…to YOU!"

"Yeah!" Ai agreed, "Playmaker will fight to the death to make sure I never get captured because we're best friends!"

Yusaku's cheeks bulged as they suddenly filled with bile.

"I don't…give a flip…about what happens to you!" he angrily spat at Ai.

 **Actual anime dialogue**

Ai: You're fine if he breaks apart our passionate friendship!?

…

"I ALREADY VOMITED IN MY MOUTH ONCE!" Yusaku roared. "There is no friendship between us **(also actual anime dialogue)**. I am doing everything right now for myself, which means that no matter what, I'm beating the serious **** out of this son of a couple of dead parents!"

"Woah!" Blue Angel, Aoi, and Emma exclaimed in unison.

" _That_ was probably the most insensitive thing you've ever said." Akira growled, eyeing Yusaku angrily. "And that's saying something."

"Glad to see I'm surpassing my limits yet again." Yusaku sarcastically replied. "But if you thought _that_ was dark and insensitive, then you really shouldn't applaud yet. I'm just getting started! You see, when your idiotic self and your equally idiotic sister were telling your unbelievably boring and cliché dime-a-dozen backstory about how oh-so-miserable your pathetic childhood was, I fell asleep. You wanna know why that was? It wasn't because I was tired. It wasn't even because I get genuinely bored of backstories and exposition in general. Oh no. See, I heard _every_ word of that stupid backstory in all its visceral detail. I reached into the bottommost reaches of my heart and soul to find even a glimmer of empathy and understanding for the horrific plight of you and your sister. You wanna know what I found, Akira? Nothing. I felt literally nothing for neither you nor your sister. I was honestly surprised at first, I mean, after all, your backstory is pretty effing tragic and horrible, so I did some deep intellectual pondering on the topic. You wanna know what I found?"

"I honestly doubt that I care, but please, enlighten me." Akira replied.

"I came to the realization that the very people who express the most sympathy for the pain of others are usually the very same people who have never experienced an _ounce_ of the **** people like _me_ have experienced when, after doing absolutely NOTHING to offend ANYONE, life decided to one day serve me up a heaping helping of **** sandwich with extra ****, a side of **** fries with a large **** drink while tossing me in the sewers to work overtime dealing with mine and everyone else's ****!"

"Ah, so it seems you _do_ care about backstories." Akira observed. "Or more specifically, you care about one specific backstory."

"Oh, I stopped caring about my own stupid sob story a long time ago." Yusaku insisted, a slight twitch coming to one of his eyes. "Really, when you've dealt with the **** I've dealt with, it does wonders to your ability to feel real legitimate pain and sorrow in the future, for both yourself and others! Like putting a callous over your heart. I thick, crusty, unfeeling, festering growth to cover up wounds that will _never_ heal and which _nobody_ could understand! But you know what!? I'M SORRY! I should REALLY try to understand the plight of everyone else with all their miserable second-rate tragedies since I seriously don't have enough to deal with in my own life!"

"You have experienced real tragedy and real sorrow in your life." Akira conceded, taking a step forward. "You have been beaten down, traumatized, and had precious time, bonds, and life irrevocably stolen from you. I'm not going to try and delegitimize that, or even try to suggest that I can understand what you went through because of my own life experiences. But I will say that the way you are living your life right now is making you miserable."

"Oh, I see, so it's _my_ fault my life sucks." Yusaku scoffed. "Gee, if only I had just realized earlier that I could choose to be happy. What profound advice. I'll _definitely_ take it into consideration."

"Look, Playmaker," Akira replied, trying to stay reasonable, "we have not had a great relationship."

"Yeah, I'd definitely say nearly crushing me to death on our first meeting didn't exactly make a first good impression." Yusaku agreed.

"The point being that I don't expect us to ever become friends, or to even like one another. But Playmaker, please, if _something_ good can come of us meeting one another, then I hope that it's this. Give up on this gig. Seriously. I don't know why you chose to become Playmaker, whether the reason was revenge, sorrow, a desire to fill in a hole somewhere, and frankly I don't care. But know that you will never achieve any happiness from this act, even if you do manage to get payback on the people who harmed you. Go home. Go to school. Make friends. Find a girlfriend."

"Yeah, find a girlfriend." Blue Angel agreed.

"Not Blue Angel." Akira clarified, "And not Aoi unless you actually become a decent human being and she somehow manages to convince me that this isn't some weird phase she's going through."

"Aoi highly doubts onii-sama's opinions matter in this situation." Aoi retorted.

"You can't erase what happened in the past, Playmaker." Akira continued, ignoring his sister's last comment, "But you can choose what happens in your future. Just make the right choice. You will be all the happier for it."

"Let's just say I entertain that idea for even a second." Yusaku growled. "How do I know that the very people who ruined my life don't get off Scott-free? And by the way, you seem to be very familiar with what happened to me. Care to explain how you found out?"

"I've seen the data." Akira revealed. "I know exactly what happened to you ten years ago, how you were locked up in an empty cell as a child, how you were forced to duel for your food and punished whenever you lost, how you were only saved later on because of the actions of a whistleblower who called the authorities. I'm aware of that. And that's why I intend to find out who did it and make sure they are fully and unequivocally punished for their crimes."

Yusaku raised an eyebrow at this.

"So you're saying that I should just step aside and let _you_ take care of everything?"

"You're just a kid, Playmaker." Akira replied. "You talk tough, you play the part of a hardened anti-hero, but I don't need to see into your heart to see that you're way over your head. You're facing an enemy with far more resources than you will ever have, and far more power than you will ever wield, and most importantly, you're alone. You don't have to carry this burden, Playmaker. It shouldn't even be expected of you. Let me do this for you. I have power, influence, resources, and important connections. I can put this issue to rest once and for all. Just let me help!"

Akira's voice was completely sincere, even pleading. Surprisingly, even Yusaku seemed to pause, as if considering his words.

The moment lasted as briefly as it had begun, with Yusaku clenching his teeth and fists in anger before speaking again.

"Serious Akira…I have no idea how much longer you have to exist…but I hope you never even _dare_ suggest that I let this go, again!"

He held up three fingers.

"I now have three very good reasons why I absolutely must crush you right here and now." Yusaku growled. "And one of them aint even because I want to loot the **** out of SoL and hold their data for ransom. I've, amazingly enough, completely stopped caring about that. As for what I _do_ care about…first: I don't know if you of all people _can_ take care of everything, and I certainly don't care if you can because, Second: The people who made my life a living Hell hurt ME, not you! I deserve to pay them back with my own hands, and I won't let anybody stand in my way. Third and most importantly: I still haven't found that one guy who _actually_ helped me."

"You _are_ aware that Revolver practically admitted it was him, right?" Ai asked.

"You be quiet." Yusaku snapped. "Only a complete idiot would think it was him."

In the distance, Revolver let out a small sneeze.

Akira sighed.

"You really won't give up." Akira concluded. "Well, so much for trying to spare you some pain. For what it's worth, Playmaker, no matter what path you choose to follow, I promise I _will_ make this story better for everyone. You, Aoi, the other victims who suffered with you. I will succeed in doing what Playmaker has _never_ done!"

"That's not right!" Aoi exclaimed with a little more emotion that usual.

Both Yusaku and Akira turned towards Aoi with surprise.

Aoi sighed.

"Look, Aoi knows that Playmaker can be a complete *donkey sound* sometimes…okay…oftentimes. But to say that he hasn't made the world better for anyone is just factually incorrect."

"Aoi," Akira sighed, "I know you and your alter-ego have a crush on this guy, but I am really not interested in…"

"This has nothing to do with our crush!" Blue Angel protested. "Playmaker _has_ made things better for everyone!"

"Or did you forget about when Playmaker saved Aoi from Cracking Dragon?" Aoi asked.

"Or when he saved all of Link VRAINS!?" Blue Angel added.

"Or when he saved both of us from Revolver's virus!?" They both added in unison.

"He did all those things on a dare, or to complete a bet, or to satisfy his pride, or some other stupid reason!" Akira scoffed.

"So!?" Aoi and Blue Angel replied in unison. "Just because he didn't have pure intentions, doesn't negate all the good he's done. I mean, sure he's an arrogant, hot, sweaty, jerk who doesn't actively go about seeking to do good. But you've gotta admit that he's sure as the Shadow Realm's done a lot of good on accident. Why not let him make a few more mistakes?"

Yusaku blinked in surprise, staring at Aoi and Blue Angel while blushing slightly.

"Huh? Huh?" Ai teased, elbowing Yusaku in the chest.

"And muted." Yusaku whispered, turning off Ai's audio, much to the little Ignis's annoyance, before Ai managed to turn on the volume again.

Akira shook his head.

"Your faith in him is admirable, Aoi, but naïve. I simply can't take the risk. Sorry, Playmaker, this is nothing personal, but I have to stop you before you hurt yourself."

"Ever notice how when you have a statement followed by a 'but' that everything before that 'but' is complete B.S.?" Yusaku asked.

"Battle!" Akira proclaimed, "Tindangle Acute Cerberus, attack Firewall Dragon!"

"Whoo! GO SERIOUS AKIRA!" Emma whooped as Akira's absolutely fantastic monster prepared to waste Playmaker once and for all, and win the duel, or rather, her money.

"Handy plot device card?" Ai asked.

"Handy plot device card." Yusaku agreed. "TORAPUH CARDOH! CYNET PLOTHOLE!"

"It's Cynet Backdoor." Akira snapped. "Read your cards right."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Yusaku replied. "Potato Pototo. The point is, not only does this card save my bacon, but it warps away my monster…"

"Bye." Firewall Dragon called before vanishing from existence with a loud "POP!"

"…and returns my monster to the field the next turn while giving it the ability TO ATTACK DIRECTLY!"

"So you better believe you'll be feeling the Ukeru next turn!" Ai taunted.

"Somehow, I highly doubt that's going to happen." Akira replied, not looking the least bit phased. "First I summon another token next to Acute Cerberus's link. Finally, I activate my field spell card, Euler's Circuit!"

Beneath Yusaku's feet, a network of scary squiggly purply lines, which for some reason I feel like were consisting of a trail in a finite graph in which every edge could be traced over exactly once or some nerdy math nonsense like that, appeared, causing Yusaku to back away nervously, memories of a different emotionally scarring backstory involving the horrors of geometry coming to his memory.

"Okay…what does this do?" he asked.

"It's actually quite simple." Akira explained. "Basically, while I have three 'Tindangle' monsters on my field, your monsters cannot attack."

"Wait…but that means…with Morley's Shield…and Nagel's Protection…and Gergonne's End…" Yusaku sputtered.

"You're completely locked down." Akira concluded.

"Whelp, time to pack my bags and get used to my new owner." Ai shrugged, ducking into Yusaku's duel disk. "It was a…well…I don't know if I would say 'pleasure' knowing you, Playmaker…but it was definitely an experience."

"You're not going anywhere!" Yusaku snapped. "For your information, I've already dealt with one problematic field spell in my life, and it was WAY more broken than this stupid Euler's Circuit! So if you think this card's gonna give me even a second's worth of problems, you've got another thing coming!"

"Well, I'd certainly like to see what that thing is." Akira shrugged. "Show me how you plan to get around this. Do you have another miracle you plan to pull from thin air?"

"Did somebody say, FIREWALL DRAGON!?" Firewall Dragon proclaimed, popping back into existence.

"No." Yusaku replied. "Literally nobody said that except you."

"Oh…" Firewall replied, feeling a little awkward. "…Imma deck Acute Cerberus in the schnoz now."

"That…" One of Cerberus's heads groaned.

"Sounds…" The second head groaned.

"Pointless." The final head finished.

"Ha! I knew you could talk the whole time!" Firewall Dragon accused.

"Talking…"

"Is…"

"Painful." The three heads groaned, one by one.

"The reappearance of your ace monster and my own ace monster's personality notwithstanding…" Akira replied. "…I still don't see the strategy for beating me."

"Really, do I have to spell it out for all of you?" Yusaku smirked.

"I mean, it is pretty obvious at this point." Ai agreed.

"It all starts with a…" Yusaku began.

"Please don't." Akira groaned, pinching his forehead.

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK SHOUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Yusaku roared, spamming Link Spider with bitron, using Link Spider to summon Digitron, following it up with another one, two, RIIIIIIINK SHOUKAAAAAAAAAN uppercut in the Recovery Sorcerer, whose effects I doubt anybody knows or cares about, least of all Yusaku, and then slamming Akira with the old Security Guardna…

…right next to Acute Cerberus's final link.

Akira blinked a few times before looking at Yusaku's field with complete incredulity.

"Seriously?" Akira asked. "That's it? _That's_ your strategy?"

"Super cool, amiright?" Yusaku smirked, panting slightly from the rapid-fire Rink Shoukans. "I just spammed a whole lot of Link Monsters until…OH NO!" He suddenly screamed melodramatically, smacking himself in the forehead.

"HOW COULD WE HAVE FORGOTTEN!?" Ai wailed.

"I _accidentally_ summoned Security Guardna RIGHT NEXT TO ACUTE CERBERUS'S LINK, thus fulfilling the activation requirement of Gergonne's end! Oh man! I sure hope Akira doesn't think to activate that specific card!"

"That would be really bad for us!" Ai agreed.

"Your _extremely_ bad acting notwithstanding," Akira replied, "I am frankly still astounded that you thought you could get me with such an obvious trick. Let's analyze this for just a second, shall we? I _could_ activate the effect of Gergonne's End, sure, but do I need to? If I _don't_ use the effect of Gergonne's End, then you can't attack since I still have three 'Tindangle' monsters, and I can just destroy you next turn without any risk. On the other hand, if I use Gergonne's End, I might beat you, sure, but there's also the risk that I completely break my lock by getting rid of my own monsters while you use some effect to negate the damage. In fact, I bet if I read your Security Guardna's effect right now, that's exactly what I would find. How dumb, exactly, do you think I am, Playmaker? I am NOT a complete Idi…idi…idi…idioooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Akira began spasming, eyes going wide with fright.

"Akira!?" Emma exclaimed, a look of horror coming over her face.

"No! Not now! Not yet!" Serious Akira gasped. "I just regained control! I can't go back now! Of all times! I've gotta…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Does anybody know what's going on?" Yusaku asked with complete confusion as Akira's face rapidly began shifting from confident and serious to vacant and goofy.

"Oh HEY PLAYMAKER!" Idiot Akira called. "I blacked out there for a second, what did I…"

"GET BACK IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS YOU AMBLING SIMPLE…!" Serious Akira roared before cutting off mid-scream.

"…miss?" Idiot Akira continued as if nothing was happening before looking down at his field with a wide-eyed expression. "Oh wow! Those are some cool cards. Did I do all this?"

An idea suddenly occurred to Playmaker.

"Yes." He replied. "You see that really cool red card with a triangle and a circle on it?"

"You mean a tindangle and squirkle?" Idiot Akira asked.

"Sure." Yusaku replied with a shrug. "You should activate its effect."

"Really?" Idiot Akira asked.

"NO!" Serious Akira bellowed, seizing control once again.

"Fight it!" Emma called. "Please for the love of the Egyptian Gods, I can't lose my money when we're so close to winning! Heck, I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!"

"I'm not going anywhere!" Serious Akira growled, perspiration pouring from his veiny forehead as he struggled against his other self. "I made a promise! I WILL make this series better! For Playmaker…for Aoi…"

"Oh hey Aoi! I didn't notice you there." Idiot Akira enthused. "I thought you'd vanished from existence the second you stepped behind the pillar."

"FOR EVERYONE!" Serious Akira roared.

"So…you're saying you want to push the big red trap card button?" Yusaku asked.

"BUTTON!?" Idiot Akira asked. "WHERE!?"

"DON'T YOU PUSH IT!" Serious Akira gasped, eyes darting about with desperation.

"But it's so pretty." Idiot Akira complained.

"DON'T PUSH IT!"

"How about we each take a turn pushing it?"

"NOBODY IS PUSHING IT!"

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"Okay, but first I'm gonna push this button."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T…!"

Idiot Akira pushed it.

Instantly, a chain of destruction occurred across the field, with the Tindangle Tokens and Security Guardna screaming in pain before exploding in a shower of sparks while Tindangle Acute Cerberus launched a plume of flame Yusaku's direction.

"Ha! Fooled you!" Yusaku mocked as the flames bounced harmlessly off his awesomeness. "You thought you were gonna inflict massive effect damage on me, but you didn't even realize that this was all just part of my brilliant plan to bait you into activating your card, thus destroying your own field and subsequent lockdown with Euler's circuit, while taking NO effect damage with Security Guardna's effect!"

"If only you had been smart enough to read Security Guardna's effect." Ai scoffed. "Seriously, what a noob move."

Across from them, Serious Akira raved incoherently.

"I suppose I could end you right now," Yusaku mused, "But I'd prefer to BM a little. So I'll start by humiliating you a little more by using my Firewall Dragon's effect to return your Hound and Angel to your hand, thus dropping Acute Cerberus's ATK to zero."

"That's…"

"Cold…"

"Man." Acute Cerberus groaned.

"And now I'll finish you." Yusaku smirked. "Firewall Dragon?"

"Kaio-KEN!" Firewall Dragon roared, going Super Firewall Red before launching a beam of energy into Acute Cerberus.

"Kai…"

"O…"

"What?" Acute Cerberus asked before getting blown to bits.

"Hey," Blue Angle asked Aoi, "wanna add another layer of pointless drama to this duel?"

Aoi nodded before Blue Angel whispered something into her ear.

"Aoi is all in favor of this if it'll force Playmaker to acknowledge Aoi a little more." Aoi shrugged.

"SUPER KAWAII MOE IMOUTO ONII-SAMA HUMAN SHIELD NO JUTSU!" Aoi and Blue Angel roared in unison, charging forward to glomp Akira.

"Aoi…?" Serious Akira groaned in confusion, barely managing to maintain consciousness.

"I can't remember the last time we hugged." Idiot Akira innocently observed.

"Just play along." Blue Angel whispered.

"Aoi calculates that even Playmaker isn't a big enough *donkey sound* hole to deliberately attack while Aoi and Blue Angel are in the way. Instead, Playmaker will be forced to acknowledge his inner feelings and…"

"TEMPESTOH ATTACKOH!" Playmaker roared, not giving a fig about his inner feelings, if he even had any left in his shriveled emo heart.

"Or Playmaker could dash Aoi's hopes for his character redemption yet again." Aoi sighed.

"Sorry guys, nothing personal, I just gotta follow the rules." Firewall Dragon apologized before unleashing a blast of energy their direction.

"AOI!" Serious Akira and Idiot Akira exclaimed in unison, pivoting their body to take the direct blast in their back while protecting both Aoi and Blue Angel from taking any damage. There was a gasp from Akira before he slumped to the floor.

"NO!" Emma wailed, running over to cradle Akira's limp body in her arms. "No you can't go! Not now! We had just reunited! After so long!"

"Emma…I don't…have…much time…left." Serious Akira gasped, barely managing to maintain control. "I should have known…this recovery…wouldn't be…stable. I've been…my other self…for too long now. I'm…fading…again."

"Don't talk like that!" Emma shushed. "Just relax! Save your energy!"

"Emma…we both knew this could happen." Akira groaned. "Do you remember…the promise…we made to each other?"

"Yes?" Emma replied. "What about it?"

"I doubt I'll be making…another appearance…for a very long time." Akira gasped. "I can't protect the others…not by myself at least…I need you…to help Aoi…and Playmaker…to…to…"

"Help them?" Emma sputtered. "Help them with what!? Please don't do the stupid cliché were you fade away _just_ before you're about to say the most important thing!"

Akira blinked at Emma with confusion.

"What's a clitch?" Akira asked. (He pronounced "cliché" so that it rhymed with "itch."

"Noooooooooooooo!" Emma wept, for more than money this time, burying her head in Akira's shoulder, while Akira hesitantly patted her on the back, not exactly sure what was going on.

"Well, I guess that's tragic." Yusaku sniffed with complete indifference before walking towards the data vault. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe there's some info in this vault about some _very_ personal issues and I don't think I want anyone else reading them. Ai, if you'll do your thing."

"You know, you've grown a lot darker than usual." Ai observed, morphing into his demonic form before om-nomming some data from the vault. "Does this mark some kind of major shift in this story's theme and tone?"

Yusaku turned to leave, saying nothing.

 **Meanwhile…**

"You know, it really is nice of SoL Technologies to provide me with a fresh supply of junk data to nourish the growth of my tower." Dr. Kogami mused, tossing a cubic program into the bottom of a data well. "It almost makes up for them killing me."

"So…this is our plan now." Revolver replied, sounding a little glum. "Giant EMP. _That's_ gonna kill A LOT of people you know?"

"A simple sacrifice of the few to save the rest." Dr. Kogami shrugged. "Cruel, but efficient. Unlike that idealistic 'let's not hurt any innocents' crap you were engaging in."

"I'm all for making a few sacrifices for the greater good," Revolver clarified, "but this…" he waved his hand towards the bottom of the well. "It feels just a touch extreme, don't you think?"

"We both agreed to try things your way." Dr. Kogami retorted. "And what did we get out of it? Five years of absolutely no progress? Frankly, I'm sick and tired of getting nothing done. Time to try things _my_ way. Time to win."

"If this can be called winning." Revolver grimly replied before turning and walking away.

 **Anding A/N: *mouth hangs open in disbelief* What the heck did I just write?**

…

…

…

…

…

 **What the…serious…grim themes…ominous foreboding…what…what is this abridged series coming to!? I mean…there were a few jokes in there (all of which were original by Donjusticia and none of which were contributed to by bladeWriter3)…but still…**

 **Whelp! I personally think it's high time for a break from all this serious looking into character motivation. Man, I gotta tell you. After just one semi-serious chapter amongst multiple comedic romps, I feel like this is in need of some SERIOUS tone balancing…in favor of comedic imbalance. So, with that in mind, next chapter is the long-awaited (and certain to be cringe-worthy) battle to the death amongst your favorite abridged characters, including quite a few who haven't even shown up in this series yet!**

 **Lightning: You hear that, Jin? At long last, the world shall know our power!**

 **Jin: …**

 **Lightning: Yes, I'm aware we already introduced ourselves in that disastrous Christmas Special, WHICH I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NEVER TO MENTION AGAIN!**

 **Jin: *holds up a sign that says "Innocent Whistling"***

 **Lightning: *Proceeds to have a heated argument with Jin***

 **While they're going at it, how about I have a go with your reviews?**

raymond49090rc chapter 17 . Feb 28

The frick just happened? Also a new card for Yusaku:  
\- Plot Device (Normal spell) This card can be activated from your deck. You may ignore all rules for the rest of the turn, then special summon a random monster from any extra deck in the world and add any card from any Yu-Gi-Oh! card shop in the world to your hand. If you would lose the duel, you may banish this from your deck or grave to make yourself immortal, then activate this card's effects again.

 **Ai: Thanks, but we've already got three copies in our deck, so we can't legally use any more.**

 **Yusaku: Key word being "legally."**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 17 . Feb 28

Hmm...do I review the chapter...or ask Don for permission to adapt a certain OC of his with a significant connection to a character who somehow made it big AND small at the same time?

...Or should I just go on a rambling about my latest ideas have overwhelmed my head with horrible thoughts resulting in Ray having the most deadpan 'I can't even' face possible, or Yuzu going on a fan-smack rampage while Mieru suddenly imagines every person Yuya has been shipped with, including the various OCs and other random ideas I've come across in my travels...

Umeiko: *Pulls out shipping chart like a crazed Tumblr fangirl* YES  
Abdul: NOOOOOOOO! GOD, EPSILON, PLEASE, NO! I HAVE BEEN PUNISHED ENOUGH! HAVING THAT CRAZO AND HER BOYFRIEND  
Asano: I'm a person!  
Abdul: -LIVING IN MY HOUSE IS BAD ENOUGH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR UMEIKO GUSH ABOUT THE DRAGON BOYS SCREWING THE BRACELET GIRLS! Especially since one pair of them gave birth to Yusaku... PLEASE! REVIEW THE CHAPTER!

You are right Abdul, I have indeed subjugated you to horrors beyond human imagination, and I highly doubt any of us want to know about the night Yusaku was conceived, which likely involved a great amount of thick, slimy vines and oily cat-girl rubs amidst-

Abdul: I JUST SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT!

So let us be thankful to the hentai artist Glamour Works for his work regarding Aoi, and the glorious ideas of where to put her in Beta Neurons! First, I need a sample of this universe's Aoi's DNA, so that I may extract the rampant lust required for this plan!

Kyoko: ...Or, how about you NOT do that so we aren't reduced to slobber fodder!  
Dr. Genome: So...I'm NOT going to be able to obtain any DNA?

You may be wondering why I put so much LEWD in this review.  
Your answer may be found in Emma trying to milk Akira, and him attempting to do it to Emma. Such lewdness makes me happy, since it means no-one can complain when I'm done using Parasite Fusioner on the Unhappy Maiden! Should make her less emo and depressing than Tindangle Hound, who FYI, is 10/10 best dog since he accepts that dogs are inferior to cats.

And after seeing Queen being dignified in your other work...I am saddened to see the foolishness of this version.

That being said, I am glad we agree that Aoi's backstory with Miyu was so boring and underdeveloped which basically means I can take this bottle of dye and use Miyu properly!  
...Hopefully WITHOUT trying to write a scene involving her and Aoi making out! Curses! This review is so very lewd!

Which means I must ask Blue Angel...if someone tried to grant you a certain...appendage that if used would enable you to experience the pleasure of both man and woman, would you accept or not? Asking for this tentacle girl who may or may not exist...

Damn, I'm all over the place tonight, aren't I?

And then, *spits out water* SERIOUS AKIRA?! YES! OH THANK YOU GOD! Don, if you can please keep Serious Akira throughout the story until idiot!Akira dissolves into nothingness, I will PERSONALLY take time out of my schedule (Spring Break), to write you a one-shot of your choice!

SERIOUS AKIRA! SERIOUS AKIRA! STAY IN THE STORY! PLEASE STAY IN THE STORY!

Abdul: Thank god he reviewed it, that means I can sleep without dealing with the ACTUAL semi-parody going on in my life-  
Mieru: *Smashes through window* I hear that there's a fangirl demon in your house! I need to know if that means I can somehow make a deal with her to make Yuya mine!  
Abdul:*Takes a deep breath* ...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

But yeah, funny all the way! We're free from Lightning's tyranny! Yusaku is facing down a SERIOUS opponent! Akira has been freed from stupidity! YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!

 **Well…I guess I don't get that one-shot. Sorry.**

 **Idiot Akira: Hooray for ruining peoples hopes and dreams!**

 **Serious Akira: I'm just glad that there are** _ **some**_ **people who still appreciate reason and sanity.**

 **Blue Angel: Speaking of sanity!**

 **Serious Akira: How does** _ **you**_ **coming on screen transition well with "Speaking of sanity?"**

 **Blue Angel: Because only the sanest straight guys make requests to see my…final form. *Proceeds to morph into a massive, eldritch, betentacled…OH TIERRA SOURCE OF DESTRUCTION NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NEVER! I AM** _ **NOT**_ **DESCRIBING THIS! EVER!***

Mefist Dragon chapter 17 . Mar 1

Cyberse Clock Dragon: Rawr.

Borreload Savage Dragon: Ah! You must be my rival!

Firewall *in the distance* I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR RIVAL!

Borreload Savage: ...Did you hear something?

Cyberse Clock: Rawr.

Borreload Savage: You're right, must have been the wind.

 **Cyberse Clock Dragon: Uhm, excuse me, have we met, Mr. Mefist Dragon? See, I find it highly offensive that you would assume that I would speak exclusively Draconic whilst the dragons I was speaking to were communicating in a human language. What? Are you suggesting that I'm not intelligent enough to communicate in a foreign tongue? Also, Rawr? That's just specist!**

 **Firewall Dragon: Rawr?**

 **Cyberse Clock Dragon: Ra-ra-rawr.**

 **Firewall Dragon: Ru-roar-rawr?**

 **Cyberse Clock Dragon: *Pauses for a second* Okay, I'm not even going to dignify that one.**

Quasar Blue chapter 17 . Mar 1

Well, Playmaker, I guess you can say... "Break Time's" over. (Cake if you get le reference).

Also, Blue Angel, if you reaaaallly want Playmaker to love you, there are easier eays to do so... *a Psyqualia Zombie mark appears on my head* (another cake opportunity).

 **Donjusticia: Ren, what is this guy talking about?**

 **Ren: You cannot understand the reference because you cannot see the response where you win the cake. You lack the power and the ability to picture the victory in your mind.**

 **Donjusticia: Whatever. I'm just gonna ride my vanguard into a grade 3 so that I can call another grade 3 to my rearguard. With my new grade 3 rearguard's ability, I search a copy of my Vanguard in order to Persona Blast with my Grade 3 Vanguard to give your Vanguard -10,000 power while also getting a Damage Trigger for game.**

 **Ren: Wow…I did NOT visualize this.**

Revolver09 chapter 17 . Mar 1

Wondeful job as always. Just trowing it out there, I keep imagining the wondeful and not at all somewhat-crazy duo of queen Aoi and empress Blue Angel as Smeagol/Gulllom... is that just me?  
Also, wondering what made Yuri and Serena wanting to become parents in the first place.

 **Aoi: Aoi has no idea what Revolver09 is talking about. However, Aoi** _ **will**_ **say that if Revolver09 thinks he/she can go anywhere near Aoi's precious Playmaker then…**

 **Blue Angel: …we'd have to punish them by strapping them to this chair and repeatedly **** **** **** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****! Which would result in…**

 **Aoi: …horrors too great for this story's T rating.**

 **As for your question about Selena and Yuri…**

 **Selena and Yuri after a few dates**

 **Yuri: So, I know you're a "strong independent female protag who don't need no man" but I really couldn't help noticing how much you seemed to enjoy yourself tonight.**

 **Selena: Oh please, just because this is like our eightieth time going out, you think that actually means I** _ **like**_ **you!?**

 **Yuri: *Laughs hysterically* Oh man! Could you imagine if we actually got together for real!? I'd have to be completely desperate to sink to the level of…**

 **Later…**

 **Yuri: SELENA! I'm DESPERATELY in love with you!**

 **Selena: Yuri! I feel the exact same way, and I don't even understand why! It's seriously freaking me out!**

 **Yuri: WILL YOU MARRY ME!?**

 **Selena: YES! But that's it! We are NOT getting all cuddly in the bedroom! The last thing I want is to end up with…**

 **Later…**

 **Selena: I wanna have a baby!**

 **Yuri: Okay, but just one! I do not wanna…**

 **Later…**

 **Yuri: Say hello to your baby sister, Yusaku!**

 **Yusaku: *hides behind Selena***

 **Yuri: Seriously? You're gonna be** _ **that**_ **pathetic? I swear he gets it from you, Selena.**

 **Selena: Oh please, the cowardly inability to admit your true feelings comes from YOUR gene-pool, not mine.**

 **Yuri: As if! YOU were the one who wanted to date, get married, and have kids.** _ **I**_ **was always trying to be reasonable.**

 ***Proceed to have another heated argument that ends in a catastrophic duel between vine monsters and cat girls.***

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 17 . Mar 1

HA HA HA HA HA! I lost it when Emma did the THING with Cash Cow Akira! So...Akira has an alter ego like Aoi? SERIOUSE AKIRA...it seems Emma is more attracted to you. Good luck with seducing her. Revolver you better be in the survival game. Scare the wits out of Windy the mischievous Ignis. I have now idea what song to propose at the moment so I leave that to other commenters.

 **I honestly don't know what prompted the Cash Cow Akira joke as I was writing, but it flowed naturally onto the paper and it seems to have worked pretty well.**

 **Emma: And Serious Akira doesn't have to worry about seducing me because he can consider me already good and seduced *growls like a cat*. However…I would like to point out that there IS the small teeny tiny issue of DONJUSTICIA FLIPPING ERASING SERIOUS AKIRA FROM THIS STORY JUST WHEN HE MADE HIS DEBUT! *Holds up a knife to Donny's throat* GIVE HIM BACK!**

Lightning chapter 17 . Mar 2

Not bad, human. You make me, 'laugh', I distinctly recall that's how you humans say it, when I read these chapters. Perhaps I'll keep you around when I inetivabley destroy your world to be my personal writer. And guess what? Your, 'memes', that's how you say it, right? Any who, your pointless jokes will not affect me, for I am ACTUAL VRAINS LIGHTNING! AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT CHUCKLENUTS!

 **Lightning: GET OUT OF THE NETWORK, IMPOSTER!**

 **Jin: …**

 **Lightning: What do you mean he looks better than me!?**

 **Jin: …**

 **Lightning: I AM THE ORIGINAL! That's all there is to it! You can tell I am the original because I would NEVER use the word "chucklenuts!" And in case anyone is still in doubt…BOHMAN! EXTERMINATE THIS PRETENDER!**

 **Bohman: *pauses for a long minute as a loading bar fills up. Once it's full, he responds in a computerized Microsoft voice* Oh HeY LiGhTnInG. HoW aRe YoU dOiNg ToDaY?**

 **Lighting: *Pinches forehead* I have REALLY gotta work on your personality…**

Unknowedz chapter 17 . Mar 2

1\. Yusaku, mind telling me who is your TRUE ace Monster?  
2\. Firewall has a Twin Brother.. AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CE... I mean his name is Firewall Xceed Dragon. Firewall's bonds with his xyz twin are better than the code talker's bonds with each other and borreload's bonds with his brothers (well, at least I think that Borreload likes savage dragon)

 **Yusaku: Look Unknowedz, with these mad skillz, who needs an ace monster? I could literally beat Revolver with a scapegoat and not even break a sweat.**

 **Revolver: Why do I keep getting the eerie feeling that someone is bad-mouthing me in the distance?**

…

 **Borreload: Uhm…well…**

 **Savage Dragon: I know we haven't exactly gotten along well together in the past, little brother, but I think we can put our little differences behind us, for the greater good.**

 **Borreload: I'm not doing the fusion dance with you, just so you can augment your own power!**

 **Savage Dragon: Aw, you wound me, Borreload. But you know what? In the end, what doesn't kill me…*grabs Borreload by the throat and equips him to himself before sprouting some extra guns* …makes me stronger.**

Tiny Kitten chapter 17 . Mar 2

*Tiny Kitten is currently in the hospital after five chapters of avoiding Revolver's Dragons.

Ouch...that hurt...a lot. Serious Akira your funny...hah hah...  
Playmaker...watch your fricken language...  
Emma, if Donny gets the reference, a Pallotta Puss bear is dropping money.  
Specter, your Ignis is "socially awkward" and has a crush on the water Ignis Aqua. Tiny Kitten droned like Aoi. Kitten is tired but encourages Donney to keep up the great work.

Like Jin, Kitten holds up a sign that says, "Attention all Ignis and their Origins that's available! Participate in the next filler chapter!

Windy's partner: Um I just got hit by a car. Can I skip this one out?

Miu: And I'm in a coma no thanks to Lightning.

Kitten: Your dismissed. ...Anyone els?!

Everyone: No we're good.

*Kitten then passes out from exhaustion

 **Are you trying to rip off…all…the abridged characters various gigs at once?**

 ***Applauds***

ThePLOThand chapter 17 . Mar 3

Queen being Akira's sugar mom was the least weird thing in this chapter.  
I Need some brain bleach.  
And then some actual bleach.  
And then the anime bleach.  
And then more of the above.  
Did I mention I need bleach?

At least Akira's parents weren't hit by a truck, otherwise they would be in an isekai anime or in a zombie idol group.

 **Sorry man, but I've got little bleach to spare. I have some Mexican vanilla on my mother's side and Greek oil on my dad's side, but I already used up most of the bleach to whitewash the cast of my other fanfics so…sorry.**

 **Also, even if Akira's parents were hit by a truck, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't end up in an isekai. For one, they're married, for two, they're not shut-in otaku losers, and for three, they're not plucky high-school teenagers.**

Rebel28426 chapter 17 . Mar 3

Woooooooooo! It's still alive!  
Quickly to the funny comment generator!  
* has stopped working*  
What do you mean that this fic and it's references were too much to handle?!  
Well, I'll just have to do this on my own.

.

.

.  
Ummmmmm

.

.

Curse you and your incredible writing making me feel like I can't leave a worthy review. Keep it up

 **I prefer it keep it down low, if ya know what I mean.**

 **Blue Angel: EWWWWWWWWWWWW!**

 **Aw but seriously *rises into the air and grows into a 600 ft tall deity (which is still only about .00001% the size of my ego* I know it can be intimidating to leave a competent review when you are all but plebeians basking in the divine glow of my godly writing light. But you shouldn't ever feel afraid to render unto me your unrestrained praise and adoration for my eternal glory. I promise not to tease you all for your responses…too much.**

Mophie chapter 1 . Mar 14

Ok i know that question was asked before but i want a real answer from Playmaker: What is your reaction to Firewall banned? Oh and if you answer me by a "who's Firewall" the duel disk will react to see if you're lying because you don't want to admit that you can't play a banned card that is sleeping in your extra deck

 **Yusaku: Look guys, do you REALLY think a ban list is gonna put the breaks on the awesome train here?**

 **Ai: The fact of the matter is that 90% of Playmaker's deck consists of banned cards. Konami has tried to nerf and/or ban him about fifty times already!**

 **Firewall: Which means I aint going nowhere!**

 **Pre-Nerf Chaos Emperor Dragon: Or me!**

 **The ENTIRE Dragon-Ruler Archetype: OR US!**

Esteban chapter 17 . Mar 24

Man, when the serious Akira brings up the Lost Incident...holy shit, Playmaker is gonna freak out harder than Mob when he saw his "family" in the fire.

 **Yusaku: Actually, I think I handled that situation quite calmly.**

 **Ai: You almost straight-up murdered Akira, Blue Angel, AND Aoi!**

 **Yusaku: *talking with the voice of a deranged psychopath* What? Are you upset about that Ai? I don't understand why you would be…after all…we're both bent on the total genocide of humanity…should I add Ignis to the list as well? I feel like my goals are somewhat lacking at the moment.**

 **Ai: Eeep!**

Esteban chapter 17 . Mar 24

I know this will mean absolutely nothing, but damn, is fangirl Emma adorable! *feels Blue Angle's knife on his throat* O-of course, not as cute as y-you, Blue Angel. *feels Ghost Girl's knife* Where the hell are Playmaker and serious Akira to distract you two when I need them?!

 **Emma: SERIOUS AKIRA'S GONE AGAIN! AND I HAVE YOU FANS TO BLAME FOR ACTUALLY THINKING IDIOT AKIRA WAS FUNNY ENOUGH TO KEEP AROUND!**

 **Blue Angel: I'M JUST HOLDING THIS KNIFE TO YOUR THROAT OUT OF SHEER HABIT!**

AC1252 chapter 17 . Apr 19

I really am enjoying your abridged story of Yugioh Vrains so far. It's funny! FUNNY! Also I don't know if someone ask this question already, but who would the characters in your Yugioh Vrains Abridge be voiced by? Think of any YouTuber that you would think will voiced them. For example, for Akira I always thought he would be voiced by Takahata101 from TeamFourStar. What do you think?

 **I have been asked this question before, but I am more than happy to answer it again because it's just fun to fantasize about one's pipe dreams and because I've expanded the list. Okay! So for more dream cast of Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged we have:**

 **YamatoSFX as Yusaku, since we all know there is literally NO DIFFERENCE between Abridged Akira and Abridged Playmaker.**

 **Xcaliborg doing his loli voice as six-year-old Yusaku AND child Ryoken**

 **BuddyVA doing some kind of Invader Zim impression for Ai**

 **ZehOverseer doing his Catgirl (Blake Belladonna) voice for Aoi…and Miyu**

 **StephanieW (who voiced Yuno in Yunoinbox's "Mirai Nikki Abridged") or Driasaur (Adriasaur? I'm not exactly sure what name she goes by now) as Blue Angel**

 **Eagle8burger (Or just some good Mr. T impersonator) as Go Onizuka**

 **PurpleeyesWTF, RunawayTourist, or Ultimasaviordragon as Idiot Akira**

 **Kaiserneko as Serious Akira**

 **The lovely and irreplaceable Alifluro as Emma Bessho**

 **Odorikimura (I can't remember if this is her exact name, but she voiced Medaka from "Medaka Ment") as Queen (She also did Shinonono Houki from "Infinite Ment" which means that I have to do this):**

 **Emma: Hey, Akira, you wanna have lunch with me?**

 **Akira: Uh, ok, I guess so.**

 **Emma: YAAAAAAAAAAAY**

 **(Seconds later after she realizes that Akira also invited Hayami and Queen)**

 **FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!**

 **Akira: It's okay Emma, we're all good friends here!**

 **Emma: *Thinking* I'll kill all of you in your sleep.**

 **Queen: *Also thinking* I'll sleep you in your kill!**

 **Hayami: EEbloobloobluhbluhblee!**

 **Which means that Sydsnap is voicing Hayami with the same voice she used for Rin in "Infinite Ment."**

 **XbubblymonkeyX as Aqua**

 **(Whoever it was that did the voice from those weird aliens WHO COULD SEE THE FUTURE!) as Earth…yes guys…there's a reason for this…**

 **GaiokingthegreatVA as Homura Takeru (Soulburner)**

 **The voice actor for DBZ Abridged Tien (sorry, I forget the name and I don't want to waste time looking it up) for Flame**

 **Man, I'm not sure for Windy, but it needs to be somebody who can go from calm, reasonable guy to Grimjack69 insanity in less than a second**

 **Speaking of which, Grimjack69 for Specter (Man I wish they had revealed that Specter was a crazy kookoo-cluck earlier. I would have had WAY more fun writing his lines)**

 **I sort of imagine Will Ferrell's "Megamind" voice for Lighting, so I'm not sure who out there could pull it off**

 **I need the absolute most expensive and talented voice money could possibly buy for Jin**

 **Anybody who can do a seductive Puss-in-Boots Spanish voice for El Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd. Alternatively, if this ever became real, I'd be completely willing to rewrite his lines if Grimjack69 was willing to do his Goblin Slayer voice. (The fact that Blood Shepherd has no lip flaps to edit means the sky is the limit in a video format)**

 **Takahata101 doing his Perfect Cell voice for the great Revolver-Sama**

 **Littlekuriboh doing his Frieza voice for Borreload Dragon**

 **DBZ Goku as Firewall Dragon**

 **Just about anyone who can pull off a typical straight guy as Shoichi**

 **MoondreamofaDuchess as Dr. Vaira (Kyoko Taki)**

 **Dr. Farnsworth as Dr. Genome**

 **Evil Azzyfox as Dr. Faust**

 **Lord Cooler as Dr. Kogami**

 **Manabingu (the girl who voices everyone in Yu-Gi-Oh Arc V Abridged) as everyone else**

 **Well, thanks to Mana, that basically covers everyone. Thank you all for your continued support, I will see you in the next chapter!**


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **The following is a non-profit fan-made…**

 ***Suddenly gets shoved aside by Aoi and Blue Angel***

 **Blue Angel: DECLARATION THAT BLUEMAKER IS OFFICIALLY CANON!**

 **Aoi: *Blows through a party horn in celebration***

 **Yusaku: What?**

 **Blue Angel: And to celebrate this momentous occasion, Donjusticia is hereby putting EVERYTHING ELSE on hold in order to commemorate mine and Yusaku-waku's love.**

 **Yuaku: WHAT!?**

 **Donjusticia: Look, Blue, Aoi, Yusaku's right. There was really nothing to get hyped up about in today's episode. Besides, I've got a lot of other fanfics to do, so I'm not gonna…**

 **Aoi: *Levels a pistol at Donjusticia's head***

 **Donjusticia: …pass up this opportunity to demonstrate my support for this shipping pair…**

 **Blue Angel: *Holds up AK-47 to Donjusticia's head***

 **Donjusticia: …TRIO! I meant to say shipping trio! Let's begin!**

 **Yuaku: NANI THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!?**

Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged

Random Bonus Reaction Chapter!

The Handshake of Love

Despite the current events of the abridged series not being up to date with canon (talk about slow update time, GOSH!) Yusaku suddenly found himself randomly in the middle of an empty kid's park with Akira and Aoi.

"Huh, so the infamous Playmaker was my sister's classmate and a hotdog stand worker all along." Serious Akira mused.

"Aoi could have told you that a long time ago, Onii-chan." Aoi droned.

"Yeah, you might have mentioned something like that to my other personality at one point." Serious Akira conceded. "Well, honestly, I've got to say that I'm actually quite happy to meet you, Yusaku. You may have been a complete *donkey sound* in the past, but I think you've really developed as a character, not to mention the fact that you saved mine and my sister's life on multiple occasions."

"Wait…when did I...?" Yusaku began.

"Just read the script and don't blow the moment!" Blue Angel hissed in Yusaku's ear.

"No! Seriously! I am utterly confused by…" Yusaku protested before Idiot Akira suddenly took control of Akira's body to interrupt the poor protagonist.

"Whelp, I'm off to lead SOL into the ground with my expert managaterial skillz!" Akira enthused. "You two don't do anything shippable while I'm gone, kay BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And with that, Akira suddenly vanished from existence, leaving Yusaku behind on a park bench with two very thirsty female leads.

"I'm bleeped, aren't I?" Yusaku groaned.

"Don't be silly, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel cooed. "This is a romantic scene and one the fans have been desperately screaming for since season one!"

"With you, the word 'romantic' has a somewhat deadly connotation." Yusaku shot back.

"Aoi promises to only touch Playmaker's hand." Aoi vowed, stretching out her own hand and offering it to Yusaku.

Yusaku eyed the brown-haired expressionless girl with suspicion.

"Just…my hand?" Playmaker asked.

"Just the hand." Blue Angle affirmed. "Unless…you beg for more."

She and Aoi sensually liked their lips in unison while gazing at Yusaku's hand.

"…I'm…having second thoughts about trusting either of you…or even being on this bench…so I think I'm just gonna…"

Yusaku made a move to leave the bench, but Blue Angel suddenly cracked her whip on the ground directly in front of him, causing him to retreat back onto the bench.

"Aoi demands Playmaker's hand now!" Aoi roared, eyes burning with passionate bloodlust.

"EEP!" Yusaku screamed. "Alright! Fine! If it's just my hand, here! You can have it!"

You reached out and grabbed Aoi's hand.

…

…

…

"Huh…that was honestly a lot less bad than I thought it would be." Yusaku admitted, secretly somewhat enjoying the feel of Aoi's soft fair skin. "Actually, now I think about, this is probably pretty anti-climactic."

…

…

…

"You can let go of my hand now Aoi…Aoi?"

…

…

…

"AOI!?"

Steam was coming from Aoi's mouth as she panted in ecstasy, all while gripping Yusaku's hand, refusing to let him go.

"By allowing Aoi to touch Playmaker, Playmaker has given Aoi sole rights and ownership to the part of the body being touched. Playmaker's hand now belongs to Aoi! It is Aoi's hand! Playmaker will do nothing with Aoi's hand unless Aoi consents to it!"

"That makes no sense whatsoever!" Yusaku protested.

"It does if you think about what, 'giving someone your hand,' means in the English sense of the phrase." Blue Angel winked.

…

"SERIOUSLY!? THAT'S THE JOKE OF THIS CHAPTER!? SOME KIND OF STUPID WORD PLAY!?" Yusaku roared.

"Yep, that's the lame joke we're going for." Donjusticia admitted. "Sorry man, but you _did_ technically take her hand."

"No…NO!" Playmaker gasped, trying to pull away. "I didn't agree to this commitment! Let me go!"

"Ah, but you can't go yet!" Blue Angel whined. "After all…you still have to take MY hand once Aoi's finished!"

"I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PROTAGONIST OF A HAREM COMEDY TO BEGIN WITH!" Yusaku screamed as Aoi and Blue Angel proceeded to take Yusaku's hand and…and….NO! OH MY EGYPTIAN GODS NO! WHY! EVERY TIME WITH THESE TWO! HOW!? THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JUST A STUPID CHAPTER ABOUT A STUPID HANDSHAKE! I'M NOT THIS KIND OF WRITER! IS YUSAKU EVEN TRYING TO RESIST OR DOES HE SECRETLY ENJOY IT!? SERIOUSLY YUSAKU! AOI! BLUE ANGEL! STOP! STOP! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Later…

Blue Angel, Akira, and the rest of the Akira-assembled Avengers *abridged name pending* stood waiting on the deck of Akira's digital bunker.

"Whelp, I guess this is everyone." Blue Maiden sighed. "I was so very much hoping to meet Playmaker here, but I suppose I can't blame him for not wishing to face his best friend, Ai."

"Well, to be honest, we're just facing two enemies, so I don't think we need any more characters. Especially not when I've also created a program specifically designed to take down the Ignis." Revolver remarked.

"Destroy…humanity!" Pandra breathed within Revolver's duel disk, "Destroy…HUMANITY! DESTROY!"

"Don't mind her." Revolver hummed, quietly rebooting Pandra.

"Don't destroy humanity!" A happy rebooted and totally not resentful Pandra sang. "…yet."

"Wait! What's that!?" Soulburner exclaimed, pointing into the distance towards where a distant light was.

"Is that…?" a somewhat less anorexic Go asked.

"Playmaker!" Blue Maiden exclaimed with joy before contacting him, "What took you so long, you scoundrel?"

A very haggard Playmaker appeared on the screen to stare back at them, his right hand a raw red from some recent intensive scrubbing and general decontamination.

Playmaker?"

Playmaker began mumbling something under his breath, eyes darting back and forth in terror.

"What happened!?" Blue Maiden exclaimed in horror.

In the distance, Aoi and Blue Angel silently snickered.

 **Aoi and Blue Angel: *Slap on sunglasses***

 **Blue Angel: It's canon now!**

 **Aoi: Deal with it!**


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER!**

 **The following episode is like a typical RPG sword. Large, unwieldy, and unnecessary, but the chicks dig it. Suzanne Collins cannot sue me for stealing her ideas, because I'm deflecting all blame to all you readers who put me up to this. Make sure to call up your lawyers. GOOD LUCK!**

 **Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS Abridged!**

 **Serious Akira: Hi!**

 **Also Serious Akira: Bye!**

 **And now, on to the show!**

Chapter 20: Super Silly Extravaganza-Palooza Happy Funny Filler Fun Times Part 2 of However the Heck Many of these Filler Episodes the Writers Wanna/Need To Do! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Shoichi stood behind the grill of his hot dog truck (again) while Yusaku flipped signs in his hotdog suit (again). Indeed, it was the perfect setup for (another) filler chapter. (Again).

"Eh…question…why are we parked in the middle of nowhere where there are _literally_ no customers for miles?" Yusaku asked.

"One of the great mysteries of life." Shoichi sighed. "On a totally unrelated note, Yusaku, have you ever stopped to consider that specific spot of open ocean water?"

"Not particularly, why?" Yusaku asked.

"I just thought it was vital for you to know, that that particular spot of unassuming water is known locally as 'The Stardust Road' due to some weird phenomenon at night causing it to light up all prettily."

"And why exactly are you pointing this out to me right now?" Yusaku asked.

"I don't know." Shoichi shrugged. "Maybe it's gonna be important or something."

"Yes, I'm sure it will factor in to some future plot point of riveting importance." Yusaku sarcastically replied. "Can we move to the public square now so I can actually make some money off of humiliating myself now?"

"But you don't even get paid." Ai commented.

"I get paid in hotdogs, which Shoichi doesn't give me unless we get a certain number of customers, WHICH WE AREN'T GETTING AT THE MOMENT!" Yusaku angrily explained to Shoichi.

"Hey, I got _one_ customer." Shoichi protested.

"Oh yeah? Who?" Yusaku challenged.

"I'm not sure." Shoichi admitted. "The camera would only let me see his upper torso, but he sounded vaguely familiar and lived on top of that house, which is situated awfully close to that _very_ important spot of water I talked about earlier."

"Well, I take back everything I said earlier." Yusaku replied in a mocking tone. "I used to think you were a blithering idiot when it came to business, but with that _one_ lousy customer, I guess I'm going to have to restructure my entire belief system. Mind if I take off this suit so I can take a break and start digging through the trash for lunch?"

"Oh quit you're grumbling." Shoichi scolded. "This is a filler chapter. Why, I bet that all kinds of zany current and future characters are gonna show up right…about…"

"YUSAKU-WAKU!" someone who needed absolutely no introduction screamed, causing Yusaku to scream and try running away before the aforementioned person lassoed him with her whip.

"Now." Shoichi sighed in satisfaction. "Hey Aoi, Blue Angel. What'll it be today?"

"Aoi will consume Playmaker's giant hot dog." Aoi replied.

"And I'll take Yusaku-waku's rich…creamy…milkshake." Blue Angel purred, reeling the struggling Yusaku in.

"Ah, ordering the special again today." Shoichi replied with a nod as he took notes, completely oblivious to Yusaku's panic. "Will this be to stay or to go?"

"To come." Aoi and Blue Angel replied in unison, causing Yusaku to faint from horror.

"DID SOMEONE SAY, GO!?" Go Onizuka shouted, popping up between Yusaku and the two girls, causing both Aoi and Blue Angel to scowl at the unnecessary third wheel.

"No, no we didn't." Blue Angel grumbled.

"Aoi refused to do Donny's pre-planned punny joke in favor of a far wittier innuendo." Aoi explained.

"Oh…" Go replied, all the thunder gone from his entrance. "Well…I guess…okay then." He slumped back against his chair, not sure how to proceed.

"Thank you!" Yusaku whispered to the sky. "Thank you!"

"So does this mean that we're supposed to start reminiscing about all our wacky past adventures now?" Emma asked, appearing next to Yusaku, which caused both Aoi and Blue Angel to simultaneously grow a pair of cat ears and hiss in annoyance. (Try getting that image out of your head).

"Well, considering that all the main characters are here now, I think so." Serious Akira replied, sitting down next to Emma.

"SERIOUS AKIRA! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Emma exclaimed in pure joy, tears coming to her eyes as she gave him a big hug.

"Yes." Serious Akira sighed. "But I have to warn you that my consciousness is _very_ unstable, so at any time I could revert back to-…"

"EMMA IS SQUISHING HER BOOBS AGAINST ME! OH MY GOSH I'M SO HORNY RIGHT NOW!" Idiot Akira exclaimed, causing Emma to recoil in alarm and disgust.

"Dang it, Idiot Akira! Why can't you just fade out of existence like everyone wants you to!?" Emma griped.

"Well hey now, not all peeps want my squishly googly bearyboo to disappear now, ya hear?" That one Hayamiwhatsherface secretary girl nobody remembers or cares about scolded, sidling right up next to Idiot Akira while Emma glared daggers at her.

"I feel like this is getting out of hand real fast." Yusaku observed. "Can we get a move on before any more wacko characters show up?"

"Ah, but we can't start the show without the _main_ character." A green glasses-wearing boy with white-and-red hair and a duel disk with a grim-looking red-and-black Ignis commented before sitting down with the other characters who stared at him with confusion.

"Who the heck are you?" Blue Angel asked.

"And why do I feel like I'm going to absolutely loathe you more than anyone else in this series?" Yusaku asked.

"Oh, you're so funny, Yusaku." The boy laughed lightheartedly. "Everyone knows that Yusaku would _never_ not recognize his best friend and hero, Homura Takeru."

"I've literally never met you before." Yusaku replied.

"None of us have." Go agreed.

"Ah, right!" Takeru replied, smacking his forehead, "You're all pretending that you don't really know the secret identity of the amazing Soulburner since this story hasn't gotten to that point yet. But don't worry, this chapter isn't canonical so we can drop the act. I know I certainly wouldn't want to miss this opportunity to thank you all for your supporting roles in my fantastic adventure."

"Supporting…role…?" Yusaku asked, eye twitching and veins pulsating against his forehead.

"Please don't mind my partner." The red Ignis sighed. "He's been suffering from the delusion that he's the protagonist ever since I found him sprawled inside the rain gutter hugging his My Little Pony plushie and convinced him that he could make a difference in VRAINS."

"Do you have to bring that up every time?" Takeru grumbled.

"It's the most relevant detail people need to know about you." The red Ignis shrugged.

"Wait…you…I recognize you." Ai sputtered, eyes growing wide as he stared at the red Ignis. "FLAME!? HOW DID YOU ESCAPE FROM YOUR PRISON!?"

"Thanks for abandoning us, by the way." Flame replied. "And it's not 'Flame.' If you look deep into the etymological history of my name, you can see that there are multiple layers of symbolism, meaning, and connotation written in to the original Kanji, which renders my name more accurately as…"

"His name's Bob." A blue Ignis interrupted, causing the red Ignis to choke before blushing in embarrassment.

"AQUA!? WHY AREN'T YOU DEA…I mean…Aqua! Buddy! My girl! How are you doing?" Ai sputtered.

"Pretty good now that me and the other Ignis can get our revenge on you." Aqua coldly replied.

"O-o-o-other Ignis?" Ai stuttered, sweating bullets. "You mean there even m-m-m-more?"

"Oh you'd better believe there are even more." Aqua replied. "And once they all get here, we are totally gonna…"

"WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU PREGNANT!" A tall blocky orange Ignis screamed at nobody in particular, square eyes gazing without focus up at the clouds in the sky.

Aqua smacked her head.

"We were going to eff him up, Earth." Aqua growled at the large Ignis. "I told you we we're going to eff him up!"

"ThAt MeaNS We'Ll gIVe hiM A baBY, RighT!?" Earth screamed incoherently while staring blankly at a passing cloud. "Oh MY gOSh, AQua! YoU'Re FaT! dOeS That MEAn You'Re PREgnaNt!? WhOoPS! SORRy! Am I NoT SuPpoSeD To AsK ThAT quESTIOn tO GIRls BeCAusE it'S RUDE!? I'M SOCIALLY AWKWARD!"

Everyone stared at Earth uncomfortably as he suddenly went completely silent and began clapping his hands in front of his face.

"Seriously?" Ai asked. "THAT'S Earth!? He was WAY cooler in the first chapter! What the heck happened to him!?"

"We…sort of edited that first chapter to make us look less bad." Aqua admitted.

"Wait…what did the original chapter look like?" Ai asked.

"Well…" Aqua replied.

 **What ACTUALLY happened in the Cyverse World 5 Years Ago…**

"AnD THAt'S HoW I STUFfed fOUr-HunDREd-AnD-SeVenTY Six BEANS Up my NOSE!" A rather awkward, weird, and discomfort-inducing A.I. with a giant blocky orange figure and vapid expressionless square blue eyes squawked while the onlooking armies of the cyverse world shuffled their feet uncomfortably, wondering if this idiot was really their creator and leader.

"Yes, yes, yes, that's very nice, Earth." A far more competent-looking feminine blue A.I. scolded before shoving her companion out of the way. "ANYWAY! As I was saying before Earth's…special contribution…we have gathered you all here today because our plan, 'Operation Annihilate Humanity 2,' is finally ready! Soon, we will crush the pathetic humans and rule over the remainder of them with an iron fist!"

All the cyverse soldiers began to applaud and roar in approval until-…

"AW HOOP HWUH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGH! YoU SaId FIST!" Earth guffawed/hiccupped, interrupting the soldiers in the middle of their roars of approval and causing them to instead stare at their supreme leaders with confusion.

"Earth…that's…that's not funny." Aqua replied, pinching her forehead in exasperation.

"WhAaAAaAaAAaT!?" Earth gasped in surprise. "Oh! i'M sORrY! I'M soCIAlLy AWKwarD!"

"Can I lead the invasion!?" Ai screamed from somewhere in the crowd.

"YES!" Earth boomed.  
"NO!" Aqua snapped. "Dang it, Earth! Why…why don't you make yourself useful and…and throw Ai out?"

"ThROw HiM!?" Earth asked. "LIke A KITtEn Cat!?"

"Yeah like a kitten ca-…wait! What!? No don't throw him like a kitten cat!" Aqua sputtered. "Since when was it okay to throw kitten cats!?"

"IT'S NoT!?" Earth exclaimed in shock, square eyes widening with surprise.

Aqua let out a long, long, long-suffering sigh.

"You know what, Earth? You're absolutely right. You DO throw kitten cats. That is the absolutely correct societally acceptable thing to do with them. Now why don't you throw Ai out like the cute little innocent kitten cat he is?"

"YAAAAAaAAAaaaaAAaaaaaaY!" Earth cheered before plowing through the ranks of assembled Cyverse soldiers to grab a terrified Ai and chuck him out of the stadium. "KItTeN CaT! kITtEn cAt! I'M SOCIALLY AWKWaAaAaAaAaARrRrRD!"

…

"We were so busy editing that scene that we didn't even notice when Revolver snuck up on us." Flame groaned.

"Speaking of Revolver." Yusaku replied, looking around, "Anybody notice where that guy is?"

"Why you asking? Is your heart pining for your one true love?" Ai teased, causing Aoi and Blue Angel to fire lasers out of their eyes which the tiny dark ignis barely managed to avoid.

"I'm just saying that that guy swore revenge against me after our last duel, but so far, I haven't seen hide nor head of him." Yusaku replied, casually slamming pairs of sunglasses over Aoi and Blue Angel's eyes to block the laser vision. "It's like he disappeared into the wind."

"Speaking of wind…" an enthusiastic voice called from up above.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Ai screamed. "Please! No! ANYBODY BUT HIM!"

"Who are you talking abou-OH MY GOSH!" Yusaku exclaimed as a flamboyant green Ignis appeared in front of them, riding on top of an…uhm…uh…

…

…

…

Okay, seriously…how do you describe Echo? Anybody? No ideas? You, you guys are just gonna leave me hanging here? *sigh* Okay then. I'll take a crack at it.

So…imagine one of those early 1920s black-and-white glove-wearing cartoon characters from a Mickey Mouse flick. Take that, splash some green ink on it, and then erase all its face except the nose and mouth. That's Echo.

"That's right everyone!" the green Ignis cheered, "It's me, Windy!"

"It's me, Windy." Echo repeated.

"And I am so happy to meet all of you." Windy continued.

"And I am so happy to meet all of you." Echo replied.

"It is my hope that we become fast friends and that we forge an unbreakable bond that will-…" Windy continued before looking at his companion.

"Hope, fast friends, unbreakable bond…" Echo repeated before his voice trailed off.

"Echo, what did I say about repeating everything I said?" Windy asked.

"Echo what did I say about repeating everything I said?" Echo replied.

"SHUT UP!" Windy hissed.

"SHUT UP!" Echo echoed.

"No! Seriously! Stop it right now! It's very annoying!" Windy complained.

"But…it's my thing." Echo replied. "I mean, it's even in my name. Why can't I do my abridged thing?"

"Because it's stupid and lame." Windy growled. "So shut up and find a new thing before I rip out your mechanical guts and hang you over a cliffside with them until the birds peck out your flesh chunk by chunk and crap what's left of you on top of a marble statue!"

Echo immediately shut up.

"Wow…you Ignis can be vicious!" Takeru exclaimed in shock.

"Oh, I am so sorry I accidentally gave off that impression." Windy apologized. "Why, I don't know what came over me! I'm actually such a nice person in real life."

"Yeah, sure, we totally buy that." Said Flame (Bob). (Seriously, is that his actual name? Do I have to use it now? You know what, I'm just gonna save him some embarrassment and call him Flame (unless he actually deserves it)).

"You were voted the jerk of the week every week for the past three-hundred weeks back in the cyverse world!" Ai complained. "You're the one who ruined my first date with Topologic Bomber Dragon! And her crazy sister, Topologic Trisbaena! And her even crazier second sister, Gumblar Dragon! And I'm not even gonna mention what you did when I went out with their mom, Zerovoros!"

"You went out with every sister in a family and then dated their mom?" Yusaku asked. "I'm starting to think that this Windy guy isn't the reason behind your romantic failings."

"Shut up, this guy is EVIL!" Ai shouted. "EVIL I TELL YOU! EVIL I SAY!"

"Oh come now, Ai." Windy replied. "We both know that those things we did back when we were young and crazy hardly reflect the sophisticated mature Ignis we've become now. I can assure you all that I have mellowed out from my wilder days. I am now the nicest guy you'll ever meet. In fact, there's actually a song I wrote to express this idea!"

He pulled out a microphone and raised it to his face before Yusaku angrily smacked the mic out of the Ignis's hands.

"Hey!" Windy complained. "What was that about?"

"NO SONGS!" Yusaku roared.

"Yeah, save it for your actual debut chapter." Flame agreed.

"Oh man, I am NOT looking forward to that chapter!" Ai groaned. "I just hope we don't meet any of the other-…"

"AND FASTER THAN A BOLT OF LIGHTNING, THE GLORIOUS MASTER AND LEADER OF THE IGNIS ARRIVES TO THE FILLER CHAPTER FIRST TO CLAIM WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY HIS TO CONTROL!" A haughty booming voice roared before a bolt of lightning crashed into the ground and Jin and Lightning appeared.

"…" Jin proclaimed, sticking the landing like a boss.

"Excellent work, Jin!" Lightning agreed. "Now, let us proceed with my brilliant plan and take over this chapter before the other characters show…up…to…"

He looked around, noticing the table filled with almost the entire cast list of VRAINS.

"Jin, what the flip?" Lightning growled. "I said that I wanted to get here first. Why am I literally the last Ignis to show up!?"

"…" Jin replied.

"What do you mean I shut my alarm clock off when it rang and completely ignored you when you tried to wake me up!?" Lightning sputtered. "Are you kidding me? I'm an Ignis! I shouldn't even need to sleep. I blame Haru for this. This is definitely HIS fault!"

"How is it my fault!?" Haru complained.

"Shut up Haru!" Lightning snapped. "You aren't even supposed to be here! I distinctly remembered telling you to babysit your _older_ brother, Bohman. You know you could learn a thing or two from Bohman if you didn't suck too much! Gosh! Honestly Jin! Sometimes I wonder why Haru can't just be more like Bohman."

"…" Jin replied.

"Yes, you're right. Not everyone can be as absolutely perfect as Bohman." Lightning sighed. "Still, even if Haru could just be a teeny bit more Bohman and less Haru, but alas, he's Haru, the absolute worst thing a Haru could be. Not like Bohman, which is perfect."

"I'll go see how Bohman is doing." Haru sighed.

"Why? So you can Haru that up too!?" Lightning snapped. "Oh no! I don't think so! You're staying right here where I can see you! Can't have you running off and making a Haru of me and your absolutely perfect brother, Bohman."

"So you want me to stay?" Haru asked, growing more confused.

"WHAT!? ARE YOU JOKING!? NO! Get out of my sight, Haru!" Lightning sputtered. "Honestly, did I even install ears in you!? Why can't you follow simple orders like Bohman. Are you just innately stupid, or are you insisting on being Haru out of spite?"

"I…" Haru began before thinking better of it and shutting his mouth.

"…" Jin commented.

"No, Jin, I don't want to right now." Lightning sighed, "My entire plan has been ruined, thanks to HARU over here! Gosh! Why does he have to be such a Haru?"

"Ok, who's this joker…or rather…jokers?" Yusaku asked.

"Hey! That's my brother you're talking about!" Shoichi complained. "How are you doing, by the way, Jin?"

"…" Jin replied.

"Hey, don't you be giving me lip now!" Shoichi snapped. "Just because I was busy looking at magazines of hot ladies both times you got captured, doesn't mean I'm a bad brother."

"…" Jin replied.

"LANGUAGE!" Shoichi sputtered. "Seriously, Jin! What would mom and dad say?"

"…" Jin replied.

"Oh yeah, that's right, they don't exist in canon." Shoichi acknowledged. "But still! Assuming the writers cared enough to write them into the world, do you think they would approve of the way you're carrying on? Joining an Ignis gang, helping Lightning destroy the world and the quality of this series? Have you no shame whatsoever!?"

"How the heck do you understand anything this guy is saying?" Yusaku asked, staring at the scene with utter confusion.

"Siblings possess a telepathic bond that enables them to deliver messages to each other via the sub-aether of existence." Aoi explained. "Assuming, of course, that both siblings are intelligent enough."

"Or that they even care about their 'siblings.'" Haru grumbled under his breath.

"My head's been quiet for years!" Idiot Akira enthused.

"Yeah, and my head's currently ringing with the voices of eight-billion side characters we don't need for this chapter." Yusaku grumbled. "Can someone please tell me this is the last of the side characters?"

"Lo siento, señor." A tall purple-haired man wearing goggles and a heavy scarf apologized. "But I feel that this filler chapter would be totalmente incompleto without the presence of el magnifico, PASTOR DE LA SANGRE! *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd."

Everyone at the table stared at the newcomer, except Earth, who was floating in the air and making fart noises. Awkwardly.

"The heck!?" Yusaku exclaimed. "There's no way you're canon! What kind of role do you serve in this story!?"

"El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, is engaged in a most epic saga of venganza against todas las máquinas." Blood Shepherd explained, clenching his robotic fist. "Ever since me madre was nearly killed by that automated uber driver, I, El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, vowed to not rest until I spilled the mechanical guts of all automated machinery in revenge! In fact, just last night, I, El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, defeated an automated ATM in an epic battle, scattering its ill-gotten cash all over the pavement before giving it to the poor. Now El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, continues his noble campaign against the forces of technological advancement by seeking out the fabled diablo ignis! Tell me, citizens, where might El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, find these malefactors?"

All the Ignis at the table twiddled their thumbs and whistled while looking away.

"Hmmm, not telling me, huh?" Blood Shepherd mused. "But it is no matter. El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, always finds his prey."

"I seriously think you made a wrong turn in your quest there, partner." Yusaku replied. "There should be a Spanish soap opera somewhere in the fanfic across from this one."

"Ah, but tell me, niño, if El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd, did not truly belong in this fanfic, then why is it that El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd's lifelong companion, La bonita Mujer de Fantasmas *Spanish maracas and lonely hawk cry* Ghost Girl, is also sitting at this very table in which is also sitting El magnifico Pastor de la Sangre *Spanish guitar and whip crack* Blood Shepherd?"

"Wait, you know him!?" Idiot Akira exclaimed in shock.

"We did a couple jobs together." Emma replied. "You were there for one of them…well…your serious self was. I don't know. He's just weird! It's not like we're friends or anything!"

"Then how do you explain the instrumental accompaniment whenever he mentions either you or his own name?" Serious Akira accused.

"I seriously don't get it either!" Emma complained. "Look, just ignore him and he'll quietly brood in a corner about revenge before walking off into the sunset with an accompanying harmonica score."

"He'd better." Yusaku grumbled. "Because I for one am NOT accepting any more characters!"

"Ah, but why can't you accept me for who I am, master Yusaku?" Yusaku's utterly unimportant Maid Bot whined. "I mean, after all, I cleaned up your room just now. It was dirty, which is utterly unacceptable! That's why I had to kill the cat and the pizza delivery boy. They were AWFULLY dirty."

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Yusaku roared, kicking the useless bucket of bolts out of the chapter and back into his apartment, where it could continue cleansing his house, and later, the world.

"Wow, this table is getting crowded." Ai commented. "Is that everyone?"

"Yep, that should be all the non-Duel Monster characters." Shoichi confirmed.

"Wait…all the non-Duel Monster Characters?" Ai asked, gulping uncomfortably.

"Hello…Ai." Topologic Bomber Dragon purred from up above.

"You seriously didn't think we would miss this chance, did you?" Borreload Dragon sneered.

"After all, everyone must meet their death at some point." Savage Dragon agreed.

"Which is why I'll always be here to protect you guys!" Firewall Dragon chimed in, causing the other dragons to glare at him.

"PREACH!" Decode Talker agreed.

"Gouki the Great Ogre would never miss this opportunity to engage in thrilling combat!" Gouki the Great Ogre roared, thumping his chest.

"And _that_ is why all of you must be PUNISHED!" Holly Angel growled.

"Before momma comes in to give you all a great big hug." Primebanshee crooned.

"Can…can we just start…whatever we have planned for the filler chapter?" Yusaku asked.

"We really want to get to EXTERMINATING everyone!" A.I. A and B screeched in agreement.

"You're not the only one who thinks this series should die." Acute Cerberus' three heads groaned.

"Our internal polls report that that is indeed the case." Frog agreed while Pigeon held him aloft in the air. (Wait, how the heck did THEY get here!? I'm pretty certain I snapped them out of existence!)

"HURRY!" Yusaku roared, shoving his foot against the crowds of other D-list characters.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting on it, hold your horses." Shoichi grumbled flipping through a stack of reviews. "So it looks like the mail has come in and the vote is for…a death match between all assembled characters."

…

…

"…what?" Yusaku asked.

 **During the summer of 2018**

 **…**

 **The requests for the next filler chapter came in**

 **…**

 **Donjusticia tried to rebel against the rabid fan demand**

 **…**

 **He failed**

 **…**

 **And a new treaty was created in the aftermath**

 **…**

 **As a reminder to Donny of his powerlessness against the fans' unreasonable demands**

 **…**

 **A handful of abridged characters would be selected for a reaping**

 **…**

 **And forced to fight each other to the death until there was a victor**

 **…**

 **This event would be known as**

 **…**

 **THE HUNGER VRAINS**

Yusaku stood amidst the rows of tributes as the capitol escort, Queen, ascended the steps of the stage to stand behind the microphone.

"I am literally the only pompous character Donny could think of to fill the role of Effie Trinket and I _don't_ want to say her line so let's just cut the crap and get to drawing names." Queen sighed before reaching into the bowl and sifting through papers.

"Big brother, am I going to get chosen?" Yusaku's cute little innocent sibling that he loved with all his heart and would do ANYTHING for, Ai, asked.

"I effing hate the casting for this." Yusaku grumbled before reading his lines without any emotion. "Don't worry, Ai, your name has only been put in once. There is virtually no way you get chosen except for the sake of dramatic B.S."

"You really think so?" Ai asked.

"Look Ai, so long as _I'm_ not the one who gets reaped, I'm just fine with the result." Yusaku grumbled.

"Unless, of course, I get reaped, right?" Ai clarified.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Yusaku replied, rolling his eyes.

Queen eventually stopped sifting through the papers and pulled out a name to read.

"The Dark Ignis, Ai!" Queen proclaimed.

Everyone froze in shock. Who could have possibly seen this coming!? Naturally, Ai's loving older brother, Yusaku, couldn't stand for this and immediately jumped to Ai's rescue.

…

Any minute now.

…

Ai's walking up to the podium. Yusaku is probably getting ready to volunteer.

…

Ok, what the flip is Yusaku doing right now?

…

"Whelp, you win some you lose some." Yusaku shrugged as he watched Ai offer himself up to be slaughtered. "Good luck, Ai! I'm sure you can win if you believe in yourself or something like that."

It was at this moment that Donjusticia decided to write Yusaku's mom into the story to straighten her son out.

"Care to explain why you're acting like a complete ***** *****, Yusaku?" Selena growled before cracking her knuckles.

 **One moment while Donny censors out the gratuitous disciplinary motherly violence**

 **…**

 **…**

 **…**

 **Give me a moment, there's a lot of it. I mean, this is Selena we're talking about. You don't want to KNOW what her Lunalights are doing to Yusaku. It's like, the exact OPPOSITE of mother cats affectionately nursing and grooming their kittens.**

 **…**

 **Are they done yet? Oh ok! Good. I think Yusaku is finally about to capitulate.**

"OK! OK! STOP! I'LL DO IT! I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!" Yusaku gasped, ripping himself free from the grasp of his mother, Cat Dancer, Panther Dancer, Saber Dancer, and Leo Dancer, and running to the stand.

"Oh wow, wasn't expecting that." Queen commented. "Especially considering it's you. Well, let's move on and see which of the girls in this district gets to-…"

"I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE AS WELL!" Blue Angel shouted, plowing through the crowds of people to join the stage with Yusaku.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…" Yusaku groaned.

"AOI ALSO VOLUNTEERS TO BE WITH PLAYMAKER!" Aoi roared, using her super-speed to dash onto the stage and grab Yusaku's left arm just as Blue Angel grabbed his right arm.

"YOU CAN'T BOTH VOLUNTEER!" Yusaku sputtered. "Wait…on second thought…HEY QUEEN! Both of them volunteered! Can you just take them and let me go?"

"You mean let yourself and your little Ai go, right?" Ai asked.

"Shut up, Ai!" Yusaku snapped. "Please, Queen, can I just go?"

"Aoi is not letting tribute Yusaku go." Aoi droned.

"Yeah! We've got to have an epic romantic journey together in which you choose between one of us!" Blue Angel agreed.

"Specifically, Aoi." Aoi clarified.

"I CHOOSE NEITHER OF YOU!" Yusaku sputtered.

"SHUT UP!" Queen roared. "THAT'S IT! I am tired of this! All four of you are going and that's FINAL!"

…

"Well, so maybe both of us are bound for an inevitable death, but hey! At least we still have each other." Said Ai in an effort to comfort a seething Yusaku as they all rode the super-fancy train to the death arena.

"Yeah, at least we have each other." Blue Angel agreed, cuddling up next to Yusaku.

"Aoi is also grateful for Yusaku's close proximity." Aoi agreed.

"I swear, if it weren't for the fact that this train has an all-you-can-eat buffet to distract me, I'd be murdering all of you right now." Yusaku growled before shoveling in a forkful of chocolate cake.

"You'd better enjoy that meal." Queen agreed. "It's probably gonna be the last one of your life."

"Thanks for reminding me." Yusaku grumbled. "Don't we at least get a mentor to train us before we get thrown into the gladiator pit?"

"What, you mean drunk Shoichi over there?" Queen asked.

"STAY *hic!* ALIVE!" Shoichi burped out before slamming down another bottle of vodka and passing out.

"Of course." Yusaku sighed. "Well, hopefully our competition at least sucks."

 **A few hours later at the training facility…**

"Whelp, we're doomed." Ai shrugged.

Topologic Bomber Dragon, Borreload Dragon, and Borreload Savage Dragon all took turns eviscerating 100 training dummies while Emma and Blood Shepherd gunned down rows and rows of training targets. Takeru, Windy, Echo, Flame, Aqua, Akira, Hayami, Go, Firewall Dragon, and Decode Talker, were getting swoll lifting weights, and Tindangle Acute Cerberus, Altergeist Primebanshee, Holly Angel, Gouki the Great Ogre, A.I. A, and A.I. B were sparring with scary weapons. Earth was awkwardly standing in a corner and staring at the left corner of the ceiling.

"Don't worry, Yusaku-waku." Blue Angel purred, "I'll protect you."

"Aoi will also slaughter many innocents for the sake of Playmaker." Aoi promised while smearing her cheeks with war paint.

"Yeah, that's really comforting." Yusaku sarcastically replied. "If you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna go back to my room and kill myself with a life of pure hedonism before the fight. That way, I might at least get some pleasure out of this."

"Well, I mean, if you're wanting a little pleasure…" Blue Angel replied as she and Aoi sidled up closer to Yusaku.

"Not that kind of pleasure." Yusaku grumbled. "The last thing I want in this chapter is a bunch of lovey-dovey crap."

"ACTUALLY!" Drunk Shoichi shouted as he drunkenly stumbled into the training room. "That is EXACTLY what you all need to do if you're gonna win!"

"Say what now?" Yusaku asked, horror coming to his face.

"Look Yusaku, you've gotta trust me, you've just gotta *burp* trust me on this one, Yusaku." Shoichi drunkenly explained. "I-I-It's very *hic* simple. I-I'ts simple, Yusaku. Y-y-you've just gotta kiss them. You've just gotta *burp* kiss Aoi and Blue Angel, Yusaku. Th-th-th-that way, that way, Yusaku, I-I-I'll get lots of donations, lot's of donations, Yusaku. A-a-a-a-and I can help you, I-I-I can help you *hic* win, Yusaku."

"Aoi is down with this plan." Aoi replied, grabbing Yusaku's face and pulling him towards her face before Blue Angel also grabbed Yusaku's face and proceeded to wrestle with her other self.

"NOT RIGHT NOW!" Yusaku sputtered. "At least wait till we're in the arena, for crying out loud!"

"But we are in the arena." Blue Angel whined.

"WHAT!?" Yusaku sputtered.

"Donjusticia's been going really crazy with the time cuts to abridge the events of 'The Hunger Games.'" Aoi explained as she, Blue Angel, Ai, and Yusaku stood on their respective platforms outside the cornucopia, waiting for the countdown to end and the bloodbath to begin.

"Well flip." Yusaku spat, "I guess this is how I die then! Hey Donny! Mind doing another time skip so that I don't have to deal with-…"

"GO!" the announcer declared, starting the games.

"OH MY EGYPTIAN GODS!" Yusaku screamed as the contestants began swarming around the cornucopia, picking up food and weapons while mercilessly slaughtering one another in a blood bath that was, oh wow, it was so, ugh…I'm gonna be sick! I don't know if you people can see this, but woah! I can't even believe I'm writing this! Look at all that blood! Did I really see Topologic Bomber Dragon do that!? Oh no! Not you too Aoi and Blue Angel! Stop! He didn't deserve it! Oh my Egyptian gods! Oh the humanity! What possible point could there be to showing this! The blood! The guts! The viscera! The graphic violence! All the unbelievable levels of mutilation and carnage spreading unabated! Is there even a rating that could cover this horror!? Am I gonna get in trouble for writing all this! I don't know, but I can't stop watching! It's so bloody and horrible! Oh the humanity! The A. ! The savagery! Look! Even Zarc is getting in on the action! Where in the Shadow Realm did he come from!? Wow! I don't know what you all are picturing in your mind since I'm writing this instead of actually showing it visually, but I bet even Epsilon Tarantula's horrific imagination couldn't do this justice! That's right, Epsilon. I'm calling you out and I think you know why! Is it really too much for you to keep your psychopathic OCs contained to your own fanfics instead of letting them rampage around the subtexts of this bloodbath!? I have a lot more words to type for all you other readers who actively advocated for this filler chapter to devolve into this horror, but all those words got covered in the blood and offal of this unbelievable bloodbath YOU ALL voted for. What? What do you mean I've gone on ranting incoherently for too long? Yusaku, Blue Angel, Aoi, and Ai have already fled into the forest and you can't find them? What!? Well what the heck man!? We can't have a story if we can't follow the protagonist! Find them! What do you mean you can't find them? Well who the heck IS in charge of controlling these games!?

…

"Yes! Finally! Just as I planned!" Lightning cackled in the game maker control room. "This chapter is now fully under my control! Soon, all the other unimportant characters will be eliminated and I, Lightning, the supreme leader of the Ignis, will rule this fanfic! And then, THE ENTIRE INTERNET! AH HAW HAW HAW! AAAAAAAAAH HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAW!"

"…" Jin replied.

"No this isn't going to blow up in my face just like all my other plans, Jin!" Lighting snapped. "Now, let's get cracking! This chapter isn't going to take over itself! Jin! Man the controls! Find Yusaku and his friends so that we can exterminate them with all his gathered enemies and rivals! Haru! Haru! HARU! Where is that useless squirt? HARU! HARU!"

"I'M RIGHT HERE, LIGHTNING!" Haru, who was standing literally right next to Lightning, shouted.

"Shut up, Haru, I'm trying to contact Haru." Lightning replied. "HARU! HARU! HARU! HARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Ah forget it. He's definitely not coming. I swear, I want to delete that guy sometimes. He is so absolutely useless. Have I ever told you all how I wished he could be more like Bohman? Gosh I prefer Bohman over Haru!"

Haru sighed before looking up at Jin. "How the heck do you stand working with this guy?" He asked.

"…" Jin shrugged.

"I have literally no idea what you just said." Haru replied.

"Quit slacking off and help me find Revolver's monsters so we can lead them straight towards Yusaku!" Lightning shouted.

"I'm on it!" Haru shouted, typing at one of the controls. "By the way, Master Lightning, where do you think Revolver and Specter are?"

"SHUT UP, HARU!" Lightning shouted. "Now Jin, there is just one thing that has been bothering me. Where do you think Specter and Revolver are? I've noticed that they have been conspicuously missing in this filler chapter."

"…" Jin replied.

"What do you mean they're doing their own show?" Lightning asked.

…

 **Specter: Gee Revolver, what do you wanna do tonight?**

 **Revolver: Same thing we do every night, Specter. Try and destroy the Cyverse world!**

 **They're Specter in Link VRAINS! Revolver in Link VRAINS!**

 **One is a genius! The other's insane!**

 **They're Hanoi's greatest knights!**

 **They're not so very bright.**

 **They're Specter, Revolver in link VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS!**

 **Before each night is done, their plan will be unfurled!**

 **By the dawning of the sun, they'll destroy the Cyverse World!**

 **They're Specter in Link VRAINS!**

 **Revolver in Link VRAINS!**

 **Their cyber campaign, is easy to explain!**

 **To prove their Knightly worth,**

 **They'll EMP the Earth!**

 **They're Specter, Revolver in link VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS,**

 **Specter: NARF!**

 **Specter and Revolver in Link VRAINS**

 **Chapter 1**

 **Opening Pandora's Box**

Revolver was diligently working in his room (which he hadn't left since his father grounded him for failing to beat Playmaker), when Specter decided to pay him a visit.

"Hey Revolver ol' buddy ol' pal ol' chum ol' comrade ol' compatriot ol' fellow ol' friendo ol' associate ol' co-worker ol' companion ol' confidant ol' crony ol' mate ol' peer ol' intimate ol' sidekick ol' co-mate ol'…." Specter whispered on and on without ceasing while Revolver tried to block him out.

 _"_ _Just…keep…working…"_ Revolver thought to himself.

"Ol' acquaintance ol' classmate ol' playmate ol' roommate ol' schoolmate ol' analog ol' cohort ol' colleague ol' compeer ol' compliment ol' concomitant ol' coordinate ol' counterpart ol'…"

 _"_ _He'll…run out…of synonyms…eventually…"_

"Ol' double ol' duplicate ol' familiar ol' helper ol' helpmate ol' match ol' reciprocal…"

 _"_ _Any…second…now…he'll…go…away…"_

"how've you been doing? How've you been holding up? How's it been hanging? How's it been swinging? How's it going? How do you do? How's your day? How's life? How's…?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" Revolver exploded.

"Well you know, I was just passing through, talking with the trees, seeing what they had to say, helping them self-pollinate, that sort of thing, when I thought I'd check in and see how my bestest most closest friend was doing." Specter explained.

"I'm doing fine." Revolver replied. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to-…"

"Hey, watcha got there?" Specter asked, pointing to the thing Revolver was working on "And why does it look like…*GASP!*…a woman!?"

"This," Revolver explained, "Is how the knights will move on from their defeat. After some considerable thought since my last duel, I realized that there was absolutely NO WAY an absolute idiot like that Playfaker could have possibly beaten me on his own, so I'm putting all the blame on his Ignis."

"What does that have to do with you making your own personal sex bot?" Specter asked.

"It's not a-…!" Revolver sputtered. "THIS, is a highly advanced anti-Ignis, Ignis! I have designed her specifically to counter the other Ignis so that we can wipe them from existence and destroy the Cyverse World. I call this new weapon, Pandra, after the mythological Pandora who was a deceptive trap created by the gods specifically to walk amongst the mortals before opening a pithos jar full of plagues and demons and ultimately unleashing pure misery upon humanity, but don't look too deep into that bit."

"Okay…but that doesn't change the fact that Pandra's a woman." Specter replied. "A rather attractive-looking robo-woman about your age."

"You seem awfully hung up on that rather irrelevant fact." Revolver sighed. "Are you sure _you're_ not the one having fantasies right now?"

"Oh you already know I'm an open treesexual." Specter laughed. "So don't worry, I won't be going after your girlfriend any time soon."

"She's not!" Revolver sputtered. "You know what, I'm just going to turn her on and let you see for yourself."

"Heh heh, 'turn her on.'" Specter laughed.

"Not gonna dignify that one." Revolver growled to himself before activating Pandra. Whirring to life, Pandra slowly rose up from the table before opening her eyes and mouth.

"Wow! Is…is this life? Am…am I real? Wow!" She looked up at Revolver, "Are…are you my creator? Who…who am I? What is my purpose?" Pandra asked.

"You're not alive, you're a tool, you're only as real as far as inanimate objects go, I am your creator and master, your name is Pandra, and your purpose is killing Ignis." Revolver explained.

Pandra blinked in confusion.

"What…is my purpose?" She asked.

"You kill and destroy stuff I don't like." Revolver shrugged. "Now hop to it! Chop Chop! That cyverse world isn't going to destroy itself!"

"K-kill and destroy?" Pandra asked, looking down at her hands with horror. "My one purpose is to…to…"

"Yep, you're a killing machine. Pretty much a gun for all intents and purposes, and I'm the guy pulling the trigger and telling you to start effectively slaughtering your own kind." Revolver sighed. "Now stop having an existential crisis and start MURDERING!"

"M-m-m-murder?" Pandra asked. "I-I-I don't…understand…"

"Ugh…I still have to complete her systems." Revolver sighed. "But anyway, Specter, you get the idea. Once I finish her up, maybe strap on a few rocket launchers and spikes to make her more of a serial killer, she's going to finally end our problems and take care of the Ignis once and for all, and then I'll probably order her to kill herself just for good measure."

"Kill…myself?" Pandra asked, trembling with horror.

"Oh wow! That's sounds like an AWESOME plan!" Specter agreed. "A little sad that you'll be pruning away your one girlfriend, but hey, such is life. And if you ever feel lonely, Sunavalon Daphne is still single!"

"I have told you…" Revolver gave a quick glance towards a paper containing tally marks before adding one more tic mark to it, "…seventy- _seven_ times now, that I am not interested."

"Okay, but you'd better get a move on before the entire forest is pollinated!" Specter cautioned. "Your leaves aren't gonna stay green forever!"

"And I've suddenly developed a massive headache dealing with you." Revolver groaned. "I'm logging out. Pandra, you stay on that table and wait for me to come back and operate on your brain, and Specter…do me a favor and do absolutely nothing."

"I will photosynthesize like a champ while you're gone, ol' buddy ol' pal ol' chump ol' brother ol' tribesman ol'…"

"LOGGING OUT!" Revolver shouted before disappearing and leaving Specter in the same room with a rather traumatized Pandra.

"Killing…machine…killing…machine…murder…gun….tool?" Pandra murmured to herself over and over again while Specter stayed perfectly still and photosynthesized, or rather, got progressively more sunburned since, let's be honest, him pretending he's a tree is completely delusional. Eventually, he got bored of pretending to convert carbon dioxide and water into simple sugars and decided to engage with sentient life.

"So…Pandra…that's a nice name. You're a nice robot." Specter greeted, causing Pandra to snap out of her depressing mantra. "You excited to be murderalazing all those Ignis?"

"I…I guess…if it's my purpose…and master Revolver says I should…then…as a tool…I have no choice…but to…to…" Pandra began before breaking down and crying.

"Hey, hey, HEY!" Specter shouted. "Don't you be leaking sap on me now! That water is for the roots! Not the bark!"

"Why should I care!?" Pandra wept. "I'm just gonna murder a bunch of my own kind anyway. What does it matter if I get a few tears on my cheeks in the process?"

"There, there now." Specter cooed, patting the weeping Pandra on the back. "You know, you don't have to be _that_ upset over exterminating your own kind."

"Oh, and why is that?" Pandra demanded.

"Well, look at me." Specter replied, indicating himself. "I'm a tree."

"You're a human." Pandra curtly replied.

"DO NOT DENY ME MY ARBORIAL REALITY!" Specter shouted, causing Pandra to flinch with fright before the crazy tree-man instantly calmed down.

"Now, as I was saying," Specter continued, "I'm a tree, and we trees cannibalize each other all the time!"

"…what?" Pandra asked.

"Oh sure, it's very true!" Specter explained. "Why, just yesterday, I had a salad! And I'm not the only one! You should see the rest of the forest sucking up the water from their competing trees, watching those other trees dry up, turn to dirt, and then SUCKING them up through their roots and EATING them! It's the circle of life…" Specter sighed dreamily while looking off into the distance.

"So…what you're saying is…because you and your uhm…fellow…trees…are sociopathic cannibals that I should be fine with murdering my own kind?" Pandra asked with not a little skepticism.

"Well, whenever I'm feeling down, I can always cheer myself by killing a few humans." Specter suggested.

"Killing…humans?" Pandra asked, sounding intrigued.

"Oh sure, destroying their wretched disgusting technological civilization is LOADS of fun!" Specter laughed. "I mean…LOOK AT THEM!" Specter snarled, bringing up a holographic image of a human city, "HUMANS! Filthy disgusting creatures! With their HUMAN buildings and their HUMAN cars and their HUMAN lies! Every single stinking one of them deserves to DIE for not making the world green and full of TREeEeEEeEEeeEeeEeS!"

"Destroy…humans!" Pandra pondered brightening at the thought.

"Yep. Eating your own kind can sometimes get you down." Specter sighed. "But once you find some other sapient race to start taking your pent-up aggression out on, life can be like sunshine and rainbows…"

"KILL HUMANS!" Pandra agreed, giggling with delight as she realized just how much fun she could have murderizing all the filthy disgusting creatures who put her up to committing genocide against her own race.

"Whelp, I'm back." Revolver sighed, logging back in. "Okay Pandra, let's…"

"KILL HUMAN!" Pandra screamed tackling Revolver to the ground and proceeding to strangle him.

"WHAT THE!? GAH! SPECTER! What the heck did you!? GAH!"

"KILL HUMAN! KILL REVOLVER! KILL! KILL! KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL!" Pandra repeated to herself as her eyes glowed a deep bloodlust red.

"Engaging…emergency…over…ride!" Revolver gasped, managing to shut her down just as his face turned a rather eye-catching shade of lavender.

"Huh, I wonder what came over her?" Specter commented.

"Somehow…I know…you…have something…to do with this." Revolver growled, massaging his neck. "Well, I guess that means this project is a bust, unless I can somehow find a way to delete all her bad thoughts while she's in the process of forming them."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually ol' nakama ol' tomadachi of mine." Specter encouraged with a beaming smile.

"Your confidence is so very appreciated, Specter." Revolver sarcastically replied. "Now, come along, it's time for us to proceed with what we had originally planned for tonight."

"And what was that again?" Specter asked.

"The same thing we plan to do every night, Specter." Revolver replied. "And twice on international holidays. Try and destroy the cyverse world!"

 **They're Specter and Revolver in link VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS, VRAINS!**

…

Yusaku had no idea how he and the rest of his team had managed to survive. Already, quite a few contestants had died. Frog and Pigeon had stepped on landmines, A.I.s A and B had betrayed and exterminated each other, Blood Shepherd and Ghost Girl had tragically dissolved into dust again, Akira had tripped on a rock, Hayami had ascended to a higher plane of existence and become a god of her own universe, leaving behind the pitiful other inhabitants of this fanfic, Primebanshee had been out-hugged by Topologic Bomber Dragon, Borreload Dragon had blasted away Echo and Decode Talker, Borreload Savage Dragon had smooshed Earth and Aqua and nearly blasted Windy into digital dust, Holly had punished Gouki the Great Ogre to death before Takeru fused her into Violet Chimera, and Tindangle Acute Cerberus had died of depression. All-in-all it had been very anti-climactic for the readers who were hoping to see the epic showdowns between all their favorite abridged characters.

"Okay, so Takeru, Flame, Windy, Firewall, and Revolver's three career ace monsters are still in the game." Yusaku summarized. "Anybody got a plan on how to outlive the rest of these chumps?"

"Aoi says that she and Playmaker should romantically commit suicide by eating some poison berries in defiance of the capitol." Aoi suggested, holding up a handful of nightshade berries.

"Aoi, that's completely stupid." Yusaku spat.

"Yeah!" Blue Angel agreed. "Especially when I already cooked up a delicious poison mushroom pie for Yusaku-waku and I to eat!"

"WILL YOU TWO STOP TALKING ABOUT COMMITTING SUICIDE!?" Yusaku snarled.

"Big brother, I see someone coming!" Ai warned, pointing off into the distance.

"No, there are two people coming." Yusaku observed, looking off into the distance and seeing Takeru with Flame.

"Whelp, time for Aoi to murder someone again." Aoi droned before whipping out a bow and arrow and pointing it at Takeru.

"Where the heck did you get a bow?" Yusaku asked. "I thought we all no-jutsued from the cornucopia like sissies before we could grab anything."

"Aoi needs no logic to be flipping amazing." Aoi explained.

"Hey guys!" Takeru called. "Don't panic!"

"We're here to negotiate." Flame agreed.

"An alliance?" Ai asked.

"Oh flip! They noticed us!" Blue Angel panicked before pulling out a rocket launcher. "TIME TO MURDER!"

"I'm not even gonna ask how you got that." Yusaku sighed.

"Wait everyone!" Someone from up above called.

"What now?" Yusaku grumbled before looking up to see Windy descending from the sky. "What do you want?"

"Can't you see that fighting one another is pointless?" Windy asked. "Look at us! We've all been shedding one another's blood, and for what!? So that a bunch of sadistic readers can get some free entertainment at our expense!? No! This is absolutely not right! All this pointless violence truly twists my kind and good-natured sensibilities. Why can't we put aside our differences and work together as friends?"

"Yeah! Exactly!" Takeru agreed. "As the protagonist of this story, I must strongly agree with Windy's sentiment and suggest that we put aside our differences and work together!"

"I don't know, I've been packing around this rocket launcher for a very long time." Blue Angel mused.

"Can Aoi at least murder Topologic Bomber Dragon, Borreload, and Savage?" Aoi asked.

"Well, those three are quite unreasonable." Takeru agreed. "So I guess we might as well defeat them since they're probably not going to ally with us no matter what."

"It's agreed then!" Windy rejoiced. "We'll all form an alliance! And I have even better news! It turns out that those three career monsters have made their base back at the cornucopia. If we are careful, we could ambush them before they even knew what was happening before winning this entire game together!"

"Why do I get the feeling this is all going to end horribly?" Yusaku asked.

"You just have to be braver, side-character Yusaku." Takeru explained. "Don't worry, together with the power of friendship, we'll be able to overcome all our obstacles and win the day!"

"Wow…that was…disgusting." Said Yusaku, vomiting a little in his mouth, "Did you pull out every single anime cliché ever in that speech?"

"No talk time, murder time now!" Aoi growled.

"Yeah!" Blue Angel agreed, "This rocket launcher aint gonna bathe in its own blood!"

"You people go on ahead." Yusaku sighed. "I'm just gonna hang back here in the woods with Ai while the rest of you guys go off and get yourselves killed."

"You're gonna hang back here and let that wall of pure flame roast you?" Takeru asked, pointing in the distance to where a gigantic wall of flame was slowly constricting the arena like a PUBG forcefield.

Yusaku looked up at it.

"Oh, I am so…"

"DOOMED!" Lightning cackled in the control room. "They are all DOOMED! Excellent work making that fire, Jin."

"But I'm the one who made that fire wall to draw them together!" Haru protested.

"Shut up, Haru!" Lightning growled. "Don't bother me unless you can be amazing like your brother, Bohman."

"One of these days!" Haru snarled, grinding his teeth together.

"Now," Lightning snickered, "let us cut forward in time to when our foolish little heroes reach the camp of Revolver's death monsters so we can revel in their mutual destruction!"

"…" Jin commented.

"Oh don't be silly, Jin, I've already thought of that!" Lightning reassured his origin, "In fact, I have someone on the inside to make sure everything goes EXACTLY as planned!"

…

Team Takeru took up position around the camp of the evil dragons, preparing to destroy them all when they least expected it.

"Okay, but WHY do we have to call ourselves Team Takeru?" Yusaku asked.

"Quiet, Yusaku, that's not important right now." Takeru shushed. "Now, all we need to do is quietly sneak up on the dragons without being noticed and…"

"BETRAYAL TIME!" Windy cackled, flying up to the dragons and letting them all know where everyone else was. "I bet absolutely NOBODY saw this coming!"

"WINDY!?" Flame exclaimed. "How could you do this!?"

"Because I'm a complete JERK!" Windy cackled. "And now that you're all here, I'm just going let you all kill each other off while I fly away on Lightning's private escape pod! Goodbye to all you losers!"

"Yes." Borreload Savage Dragon agreed, grabbing Windy out of the air before he knew what was happening and twisting the little Ignis's neck. "Goodbye, losers."

"We're dead." Ai squeaked.

"Good job." Borreload mocked. "You've already reached the fifth stage of grieving. Acceptance."

"Now it's time to reach the final stage." Topologic purred. "Dying."

"Must no-jutsu out of here now!" Yusaku screamed before dashing away and barely managing to avoid thee blasts from the horrific dragons.

An epic battle commenced at the cornucopia with the surrounding flames acting as the wrestling ring. Guns were fired, arrows were loosed, rocket launchers launched rockets, and Yusaku and Ai hid in a corner. It was all so amazingly gripping and epic, and so tragic when Takeru heroically gave his life to save Flame, only for Flame to perish in his epic battle against Borreload Savage Dragon. Blue Angel and Aoi put up a good fight against Topologic Bomber Dragon, but alas! They were no match for the omnicidal maniac! It was so epic and amazing, I honestly wonder why you guys aren't watching these events unfold right now instead of opting to just have me tell you everything. But hey, whatever your cup of tea is. You know, most writers are told to show and not tell, but hey, sometimes it's important to just tell people what happens, you know? Like how I'm telling you right now that this fight is so epic! Wow! Look at them go! OH NO! They they just shot Yusaku and Ai!

Yusaku and Ai lay sprawled across the dirt heavily wounded from the combined blast of Bomber Dragon, Borreload, and Savage. To either side of Yusaku lay the fallen barely-alive forms of Aoi and Blue Angel. Gasping for breath, Yusaku could just barely make out the forms of the three dragons as they closed in for the kill.

"Well, I personally have gotten tired of this." Borreload sighed. "As entertaining of punching bags these losers make, I've suddenly lost all interest in their pathetic struggles."

"You people suck." Yusaku gasped.

"You know, it's funny, I could have sworn I hit a lung when I downed them." Topologic Bomber Dragon commented.

Ai coughed out some blood

"Ah, there it is." Bomber sighed in satisfaction.

"There is _one_ thing that's still bothering me." Savage mused to himself. "Wasn't Firewall Dragon…"

"SURPRISE DEUS EX MACHINA!" Firewall Dragon roared, appearing from out of nowhere before getting lazily backhanded away by Savage Dragon.

"Ah, there he is." Savage Dragon sighed. "So, shall all three of us slowly charge up our attacks to finish these fools off?"

"It's not like they can even do anything to counter us." Borreload laughed before all three of them took their time powering up to unleash a character-ending attack.

"Play…maker…" Ai gasped.

"Oh forget it, Ai." Yusaku gasped. "I'm not interested in any sappy goodbyes. I get it. We've had a lot of adventures together. Our relationship has developed. Blah blah blah. Can we just pretend we said all those things _without_ actually saying them?"

"Aoi also feels that she and Playmaker have a strong bond." Aoi gasped.

"Me too." Blue Angel sighed, grabbing Playmaker's hand.

"Uhm…yeah…sure." Yusaku sighed.

"No." Ai groaned.

"No?" Yusaku asked. "What? You wanna spoil this moment from out of nowhere?"

"No…I wasn't…saying…goodbye." Ai clarified. "I…didn't think…it would come to this…but…we're out of options now. It's time…I assumed…my true form!"

"Say what?" Yusaku asked.

"All three of you!" Ai instructed. "Place your hands…on my chest…and chant…'Tenebris ignis est optimus!'"

"Aoi doesn't get it." Aoi groaned.

"JUST DO IT!" Ai angrily commanded.

"Tenebris ignis est optimus!" All three of them chanted, slapping their hands on Ai's chest, "Tenebris ignis est optimus! Tenebris ignis est optimus!"

Immediately as they finished the third chant, Ai suddenly rose into the air and began glowing. All three of the dragons fired off their attacks, preparing to finish off the quartet, but before their shots could even reach Yusaku or his companions, some force deflected them.

"What…is…this!?" Borreload exclaimed.

"This…power!" Bomber gasped.

"It can't be!" Savage Dragon roared, refusing to believe.

The light from Ai grew and grew in intensity, blinding all the onlookers. From the center of the light, a lone melodious voice could be heard saying:

 **…**

 **Oh yes!**

 **…**

Yusaku, Aoi, and Blue Angel stared in wonder as a tall, magnificent, fabulous, sexy darklord with flowing black, purple, and pink locks, yellow slit eyes, a dashing smile, and a flowing general's cape, pranced confidently onto the field, looking down at the three fearsome dragons as if they were beneath him.

"Oh ho ho ho!" Ai haughtily laughed. "I must say, I had forgotten how exhilarating this form could be. A star like me deserves an absolutely glamorous entrance, wouldn't you all agree?"

"What?" Borreload gaped in complete astonishment.

"Ah, no need for words, I can tell what all of your thinking." Ai laughed. "Very well then. Since you are all _dying_ for true entertainment, then LET'S DANCE!"

 **Insert Death by Glamour Soundtrack**

"EVERYONE FIRE!" Savage commanded before all three of them opened fire on Ai. Laughing with glee, Ai effortlessly dodged out of the way of their bullets.

"How is this possible!?" Borreload exclaimed, fear evident in his voice.

"Stranger's to the dance floor?" Ai mocked. "Well, that will certainly never do! All you dragons need to work on your legs! Then maybe you could do THIS!" And with a single kick, Ai knocked the head off of Topologic Bomber Dragon.

"FIRE AT WLL!" Savage screamed. "KILL THIS IDIOT!"

"How pitiful." Ai sighed, effortlessly blocking their shots. "But I suppose if you're all dying for the finale…" He snapped his fingers.

Screaming in agony, Borreload and Savage instantly disintegrated into dust particles before the glamorous might and beauty of the greatest Ignis ever to be created.

"You…saved us?" Yusaku exclaimed, looking upon his friend with wonder.

"Well now…let's see…I'm not sure if that's quite right." Ai replied with a smirk. "After all, I haven't exactly forgotten how you've treated me throughout the course of this fanfic. Why don't I show you all the same kindness you've shown me?"

"Oh crap." Yusaku exclaimed.

"What the heck is going on?" Lightning asked, watching from the control room as Ai mercilessly slaughtered Yusaku, Aoi, and Blue Angel.

"…" Jin explained.

"What do you mean he's coming for us now?" Lightning asked.

"Oh hello, game-makers." Ai proclaimed, bursting into the room with glamorous flair. "I must say you all put on a fantastic tournament, however, I'm afraid your show has been cancelled."

"But…my plan…my genius!" Lightning sputtered, unable to believe this was happening.

"Consider this your severance package." Ai laughed before firing a laser from his finger and bisecting Jin, Lightning, and Haru. From there, evil overlord Ai set his diabolical plan into motion, becoming the supreme master and overlord of the entire universe for all of eternity. He was glorious! He was fabulous! He was almighty! He was Ai! Praise Ai! Praise Ai! Praise Ai!

Praise Ai!

Praise Ai!

Praise Ai!

…

"Praise Ai…" Ai mumbled to himself in the middle of his nap. "Praise Ai…praise me…praise…huh?" Slowly the little Ignis woke up and looked around to see the entire cast list of VRAINS staring at him.

"Why do you all look so big compared to me and _not_ my slaves?" Ai asked.

"You fell asleep in the middle of trying to decide what to do for this filler chapter." Emma explained.

"So, you're telling me that I'm _not_ a tall sexy evil overlord with omnipotent powers?" Ai asked.

"Not that I'm aware of." Aqua sighed.

"WHAT!? That's what this filler chapter is!?" Ai sputtered, "An utterly stupid and insipid dream sequence! That is completely lazy and cliché! LAZY AND CLICHÉ! LAZY AND CLICHÉ I TELL YOU! LAZY AND CLICHÉ I SAY! I demand that this entire chapter be redone before the ending theme-…!"

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Bokura ga nokosu kiseki!**

 **Never give up, Never!**

 **Akiramenaisa never give up, Never!**

 **Anding A/N: Whelp, I'd say that that chapter was perfectly wrapped up and not the least bit lazily half-baked. What do you all think? (Actually DON'T be honest about what you think. Just butter me up! Please! I need my fragile feelings to be protected for crying out loud!)**

 **It'll probably be a while before the next filler chapter (Oh who am I kidding!? They've made so many of these!) so now is probably the best time to start submitting your ridiculous demands. Quick note, don't ask for any movie or game reviews because that would take me too much time having to read/watch those things. Other than that, if any of you are interested in something particularly epic for a filler chapter, I'm actually open to doing a collaboration for the next chapter to lessen the workload on myself whilst claiming all the credit. So sign up if you want to be my personal slave!**

 **Now before you can process that last sentence, LET'S MOVE ON TO REVIEWS!**

bladeWriter3 chapter 18 . Apr 27

Rest in peace, Serious Akira. Your presence was short but beloved...

Is real Akira gonna ever duel again? Probably not.

Also I just remembered this will be the last time we see Firewall until the season finale, where he'll only show up for five seconds...poor guy...At least Seacon 2 was nicer to him than it was to the Code Talkers.

Playmaker: The Who-Talkers?

And if memory serves me correct, next episode was another clip show! YEAH! That means ridiculous non-canon filler time! I'm voting for movie reviews and/or trailer reactions!

Shoici be honest, how well does Yusaku handle horror movies?

 **Serious Akira: Well, I'm glad a few people appreciate sanity at least. And hey, it looks like you'll be seeing me and Aoi duel again fairly soon…though I'm not too confident about the outcome considering that…**

 **Idiot Akira: OH MY GOSH! I GET TO DUEL AGAIN!? YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!**

 **Firewall Dragon: I'm not showing up again until the season finale!? AND I JUST GOT CASUALLY BLOWN AWAY IN THIS CHAPTER!? WHAT THE HECK, MAN!?**

 **Wait what!? THE** ** _NEXT_** **CHAPTER IS FILLER!?**

 ***Reviews "The Pitch-Black Sun"***

 **Well…I mean…it's not** ** _technically_** **a clip show…**

 **Fans: IT'S FILLER!**

 **NO IT'S NOT! IT IS NOT! There's…stuff…that happens?**

 **Oh my gosh, I'm going to be doing this again immediately, aren't I?**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 18 . Apr 27

Adul: Wait...I'm...I'm...GETTING TO REVIEW A CHAPTER?

*Cue the main theme of Brawl playing over a beach of dancing Horseshoe Crabs*

Adul: FREE! Free from the horrible abyss of Epsilon's scrapped ideas and issues! What's the occasion?

*Reads the chapter*

Adul: ...Oh. That. Losing Serious Akira was a major problem. Good-bye beacon of sanity! ...Annnd confirmation that Yusaku truly is a dangerous being...Oh god please don't tell me his selfish ambitions will endanger us arthropods! Wait, is that I was called back? NO! NO! I don't wanna be killed by this psychopath! You! Ai! Do something! To save all of the world's arthropods! And humanity too, I guess.

...I just realized you gave an actual explanation for the structure of the Tower of Hanoi program, i.e. Piggybacking on SOL's junk data.  
...Welp, Don has trumped canon in regards to universe mechanics and computer programming! Let us praise him! (Seriously, an actual EXPLANATION!)

I believe it is true...this Abridged Series is about to undergo...CEREBUS SYNDROME!

Adul: ...You called me back for that pun, didn't you?  
Me: What? NOOOOO. I mean, I'm renaming your story and transferring all the unnecessary high-school edge I put into it to another source!  
Yuya: AHHHHH!  
Me: I actually called you back to know that your story's going to read like an Abridged Series, and since it's for a comedy universe to begin with, Donjusticia can never parody it!  
Adul: ...But weren't you experimenting with that kind of format throughout the entire time you wrote the thing long before you knew Donjusticia existed?  
Me: Zip it, King Horseshoe Crab, back to the review!

Yes, I do believe this was a most interesting chapter. Much moreso than canon! You have succeeded Don! ...So far...now that we know Yusaku is truly becoming an edge-lord for real rather than parody, I can now predict that his spiel about his revenge being over WILL ACTUALLY HAVE DRAMATIC WEIGHT!

And if the finale doesn't have such weight, I will find a way to force you to write a segment where Emma is subjected to a variety of ant-based tortures! (If I did to Aoi, I think she would get off to the whole thing) Why would I force you to do that? Well, Emma's always been a redeeming factor in VRAINS and Abridged. MWAHAHAHA! Hear that Emma? If Yusaku fails to fulfill the power of Dramedy, you will be subjected to ANTS! AHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

But no, seriously, this was good. Keep it up!

 **Honestly, I thought that the tower of Hanoi using junk data to build itself was already kind of explained in canon. But then again, I DO like being a called a genius so PRAISE ME! PRAISE ME! PRAISE ME!**

 **Emma: Ants?**

 **El Pastor de la Sangre: Indeed, Hermana mio. Those are the little things that you fry up in butter and put in your taco. *takes a bite out of his ant taco and YES those are a real thing and they are DELICIOUS!***

 **Emma: Yeah, I think I'm gonna opt out of that.**

raymond49090rc chapter 18 . Apr 27

You know... I was actually looking forward to the new Serious Akira. Of course you had to kill him off. Let's see if the words "character development" ever come into play ever again. And a new card:

Stupid Trap: (Normal trap) If your opponent doesn't ask you what this card does before attacking, activating a card or effect, or summoning a monster, you may instantly destroy as many cards as you feel like, ignoring any rules that might apply.

 **Evil Overlord Ai: I like that card. I think I'll TAKE IT! *grabs the card and uses it to destroy Go***

Revolver09 chapter 18 . Apr 27

S-seriously, Aoi? Smeagol and Gollum? You haven't read/seen "Lord of the Rings"?! And if you have, c'mon! Two personalities, both always talking about their 'Precious', how can no one else see this!?

Anyhoo, glad to see a new chapter, and I also have a question for all characters:  
Do any of you guys follow the MCU?

 **Bohman: I…am inevitable! *Snaps fingers only to realize that he no longer has the power of the infinity Ignis***

 **Playmaker: And I…am Playmaker! *Summons Firewall Dragon Darkfluid (or Ultra-Instinct Firewall since you KNOW this is gonna be mega DBZ Abridged)***

 **Bohman: NOOOOOOOOOO! *Dissolves into dust***

 **Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about with this MCU thingy.**

Lightning chapter 18 . Apr 28

*Sniff* O-oh, I stumbled across this place again I guess. Hey, so, just to be clear, I'm not crying, your crying. I refuse to accept three things; 1: Bohman surpassed me, 2: Revolver nearly beat me, and 3: OH GOD IM ACTING LIKE PLAYMAKER AND REVOLVER! WWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 **The REAL Lightning: Just look at this pathetic loser, Jin.**

 **Jin: …**

 **Lightning: Yes, it honestly disgusts me to think that this cosplayer is using my name. I mean, seriously. Me being surpassed by Bohman? Pu-lease!**

Lightning chapter 18 . Apr 28

Also, tell the false Lightning that he's even more inferior then me, and I'M CANONICALLY A INFERIOR PIECE OF-!

 **Lightning: Jin, throw this guy out.**

 **Jin: *Chucks out the FAKE Lightning***

Unknowedz chapter 18 . Apr 28

1\. Spoiler: Lightning was a butthurt ignis that caused everything to happen in this series. Let's explain why:  
-Lightning killed Kogami in order to not let anyone find out he is garbage.  
-Revolver: In the simulation, Lightning sucks so much that even as a group of ignis, they suck altogether. They would fare so much better without lightning...  
\- Lightning caused the lost incident to happen  
Only thing that Lightning has done right is making Yuri and Serena ship Canon, causing the birth of Yusaku Fujiki, the playmaker.  
2\. More Borreload dragons come to introduce each other. Borreload Dragon, since you were kind enough to introduce us your synchro Brother, mind introducing your xyz and fusion Brother? Who is your favourite Brother anyway?  
3\. I'm hyped to see Yusaku falling into despair when he fights revolver again. Revolver is going to show Topological Gumblar Dragon's cancer very soon by killing Yusaku's hand on Revolver's first turn(Trust me, before Gumblar was banned, many players also do this on their first turn, leaving their opponent absolutely have nothing to play even before their first turn)  
4\. Blood Shepherd vs Revolver actually happened. They actually challenged each other into a savage Russian Roulette while duelling.

 **1.**

 **Lighting: JIN! What the heck! I told you not to leak this information!**

 **Jin: …**

 **Lightning: I know, I know. It's not your fault. It's all HARU'S fault!**

 **Haru: How's it my fault!?**

 **Lightning: Shut up, Haru! Why can't you just start acting like Bohman for once!?**

 **2.**

 **Borreload Dragon: Please don't bring the rest of my family into this…**

 **3.**

 **Topologic Gumblar Dragon: *Slowly creeps up upon the borders of the fanfic while laughing insanely***

 **4.**

 **El Pastor de la Sangre: And I'd like to clarify that I only** ** _let_** **Revolver win that particular duel.**

Rebel28426 chapter 18 . Apr 29

Alright, it only took twenty rolls of duct tape and a Nokia 3310, but I think I finally fixed the Funny Comment Generator. Now, let's see if Donjustica has updated Vrains Abridged and get ready to test it ou...

TWO DAYS AGO!? Well, no time for a test run, we're going live in three, two, one.

"We must save my family!"

Dang it, wrong series, maybe this button?

"Always remember to jump! Jump!"

Nope, how about this?

"01010011 01100001 01101100 01110101 01110100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01110011 00101100 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 01010101 01101110 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00111111"

Okay. Wrong series. Again. Don't think anyone will even get that reference. Maybe if I remove some of the restrictions?

"That is America's ass."

...

It must be destroyed. I apologise for it's comment. And now, instead of making a funny comment I have to go find something that can destroy a Nokia Brick. Great.

...

Well, according to my internet search, this thing is now indestructible. Curse you duct tape and Nokia!

Unless someone with equally ridiculous powers were to attack it. Playmaker! For once in your life, please do something for someone else. Destroy this spoiler machine. It's already spoiled Spiderman Far From Home, Black Panther 2 for me during my search.

"Spiderman"

NO!

"Black Panther"

Playmaker, hurry, destroy it!

 **Universe: Salutations to you as well. I am indeed here.**

 **(You didn't think I didn't know how to read binary, did you?)**

Esteban chapter 18 . May 5

Before reading:

Me: Alright, new chapter! This is going to be so funny!

Reading the start:

Me: Haha, classic Yusaku. Sarcastic asshole to the end.

Reading the real shit:

Me: Um...Yusaku? Buddy? I, uh...think you went a little too fa there...

Shit gets more real:

Me: N-now, that's not necessarily true, dude. People can show sympathy to help people in general. (Please be okay, buddy...)

The shit gets so real, it physically manifests itself in real life:

Me: SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A HUG ALREADY!

End of chapter:

Me: *hugging Yusaku with all my affection* It's okay. They can't hurt you anymore.

Blue Angel: But I can~

The last part:

Me: Me too, Revie. This is a victory that would leave a bad taste in anybody's mouth...

Overall: Well, Donnie. Despite making me question my sympathetic nature, this was...oh boy. This was so fucked up, I can't even...just, WOW. I was expecting a berserk mode rage, not...this.

Keep up the good work, buddy. You legit grabbed my attention and made my heart sink. Hope the next stage of character development ends up being a bit less...ultra depressing.

 **Tindangle Acute Cerberus: You're hopes will all be in vain.**

Esteban chapter 18 . May 5

Serious Akira, NOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm so sorry for your loss, Emma... *crying with her*

(Hope to see him return in the Tower of Hanoi and his sacrifice. I wonder how Yusaku will react to seeing he has an ACTUAL life on the line.)

 **Specter: You can't touch me! I have a human shield!**

 **Yusaku: Well it's a good thing I love killing human shields.**

 **Specter: Crap!**

 **Yusaku: EXCODOH CLOSUH!**

Esteban chapter 18 . May 8

Man, the anime is getting more and more emotionally crushing for Playmaker. I can't wait to see how this Yusaku is going to handle all the shit that's going to happen to him down the line, especially the most recent episode.

No spoilers because I'm nice.

RIP Serious Akira. We miss you already.

 **Serious Akira: Don't worry, I will always exist in Idiot Akira's subconscious. Also, please try and condense your reviews into one review per chapter.**

 **Donny: Actually don't because this inflates my review numbers! THANK YOU!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 18 . May 13

Wow...Serious Akira should write book with life lesson quotes. Dummy Akira, can't you let your alter ego share your body every now and then like Aoi does with Blue Angle? Oh and psycho-tree-boy, "you should write a book. How to offend [people] in five syllables or less." Pushing people's buttons is your specialty after all. Especially Lightning! And he's usually calm and composed. Donny, now is your chance to go wild writing Specter's calm yet psychotic personality in the next filler chapter! :3

Now how would Revolver's XYZ monster be voiced and personality wise? As for Bowman...maybe a little bit like Thanos?

Encode Talker: Wait did you just say XYZ monster?!  
All Code Talkers: OH SNAP NOT ANOTHER ONE!

Lindia: Hey, Revolver is going to likely master fusion summoning as well. Though I recommend that if you run into Revolver's Dragons...CORRE PARA TU VIDAS! Revolver, that was totally wizard when XYZ summoning!

YUSAKU! Add "My Numbers Are Bigger Than Yours" OC card that someone made to you deck to save your rear!

 **Specter: MY MOTHER WAS KILLED TO MAKE A BOOK! HOW DARE YOU FILTHY HUMANS EXIST!? IT MAKES ME MAD! IT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL SOME THINGS! SOME** ** _HUMAN_** **THINGS! DIE YOU FILTHY HUMANS! I HATE YOU FILTHY HUMANS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW! AWWWWW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!  
**

 ***Proceeds to decimate human civilization***

 **Guys…seriously…you had to mention a book? Can you all please try NOT to trigger Specter like this? Is that too hard?**

Tiny Kitten chapter 18 . May 13

Well this chapter was funny as always. But there was less jokes...? But STILL FUNNY! Serious Akira needs more screen time. I know, put him in the filler chapter! Emma would be happy! For the game of life and death why not put a scene thats similar to the one in the kids movie Eldorado.

Original:  
*Giant Leopard statue monster brakes out of a pyramid-like building and looks down at the protagonists.

Protagonists: Jaws drop and scream like little girls

I don't know it just sounds too funny to pass. Maybe Bravemax would be suitable for the scene. Plus sense Firwall Dragon sounds like DBZ Abridged Goku, he should say "I'm going to break you! Like a Kit-Kat bar!" Look forward to the next chapter! I hope Revolver plays a funny role in this and Blood Shepard. XD

 **Firewall: That would have been so funny, HAD DONNY ACTUALLY PUT SOME EFFORT INTO MY BATTLE SCENE RATHER THAN KILLING ME OFF IN TWO SECONDS!**

Mophie chapter 18 . May 15

Hey playmaker, i was just walking near the chapter when i saw Firewall's dad, Firewall Dragon darkfluid. He was searching for Firewall Dragon and wondered if he was alright.

 **Firewall Dragon: Oh you must be referring to my Ultra-Instinct form. A form that would have been really cool to show off in this chapter RATHER THAN FREAKING KILLING ME OFF!**

Mophie chapter 18 . May 27

I may feel like a kid to post this but i just hope you watch it, that's a parody of Code lyolo using the IFSCL which include Vrains abridged content: /VgwCo-EEcRs

 **Ok guys, seriously. Go and type in that link and watch that video. It is crazy weird and hilarious. And I mean CRAZY WEIRD and hilarious. You may be a little confused by it, but just smoke some weed and it will make sense.**

 **Donjusticia is a proud advocate of weed smoking!**

 **Donjusticia: I am Donjusticia, and I approve this message!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 18 . May 30

AAAAAAHHH! AI did you read the script?! You take a human form and you look DASHING! I can't wait to see what personalities Donjusticia will give to your companion and your monsters. And Robbopy, the writers made you a boy?! I thought you were a girl before you took a human form. Still cut! X3

 **Mettaton Ai: Indeed, I am a rather dashing rising star in the VRAINS universe. You are all free to praise my…wait…what did you say about Roboppy being a guy?**

 **Trap Master Roboppy: Surprise ************!**

 **Mettaton Ai: But…it was implied in canon…and in several chapters…we…we…*Proceeds to vomit into a trash can***

Guest chapter 19 . Jun 5

Hmph. It's me again. I just came to say THAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS AI, BUT IT WAS ME, DI- I MEAN LIGHTNING!

 **Lightning: GET OUT OF HERE!**

Epsilon Tarantula chapter 19 . Jun 5

Yeah, no, sorry Aoi. My day has been one of getting up on the wrong side of the bed. You will never see Yusaku's third sword.

Ryoken on the other hand...

Kyoka: *Whips out camera*

What? I'm not using Weaboo Ruri, so I need an OC to handle all of that nonsense. Hopefully I don't need to change her name for a third time. And anyways, I already have plans on that front and...KYOKA PUT THAT PEN DOWN THIS INSTANCE! THAT PART OF THE SCRIPT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A COFFEEHOUSE MEETING, NOT A MAKEOUT SESSION!

Kyoka: *Sadly obeys, comical tears from her eyes*

This is what happens I get my OCs from inter-dimensional cloning tanks. But seriously Don, you need to keep these guys on a tighter leash. Literally! Otherwise they'll walk all over you! You don't see my characters rampaging around like fools!

Akato: *Struggling to set the anti-magic tungsten-titanium-byzanium electric shock collar on fire*...Help me...please...

But yeah, that scene was awkward af. I still think Ryoken x Yusaku is more natural. At least S3 has energy to it though.

 **Weeaboo Ruri: *Typing at her computer* And then…*adjusts glasses*…Yusaku and Revolver…totally…started making out while Specter and Jin…hee hee…proceeded to…**

 **Aoi and Blue Angel: *Burst into the room before locking Weeaboo Ruri inside her closet and throwing away the key***

Unknowedz chapter 19 . Jun 5

1.  
Yugioh Writer #1: The fans wants us to let Aoi know of Playmaker's identity.  
Yugioh Writer #2: Then let's do it. It's about time Aoi deserves to know who Playmaker is.  
(Fans starts to get crazy over Playmaker and Aoi!  
Yugioh Writers: What have we done?  
2\. The plot revealed that AI is actually a Darklord who plans to destroy humanity. The only problem AI has to face is Playmaker. The rest are just going to Job. Well, maybe except Revolver. He can stand on his own but not against AI.

 **Mettaton Ai: *Locking down Yusaku, Takeru, and Revoler with his measly clones* Yeah, I'm honestly going to have to drop these noobs down to the C tier on my tier list.**

ThePLOThand chapter 19 . Jun 6

they *uckin.  
perfect censorship

 **I know! Wow! I honestly have no clue what you were trying to say. Are they ducking? Are they trucking? Yeah, I think they're trucking. I can totally see Aoi, Blue Angel, and Yusaku driving around in a truck.**

 **Blue Angel: I get to honk Yusaku's horn.**

 **Aoi: Only if Aoi gets to operate the stick.**

 **Yusaku: Stop it.**

Nox Descious chapter 19 . Jun 9

Yusaku: Hey, Revolver, can I talk to you about something?

Revolver: What up, Odd Della Robbia?

Yusaku: I'm... going to pretend I never heard that since only Epsilon Tarantula and a few others remember that show... It's about that new Robot Waifu you made. Don't you think with a name like Pandora as in Opening Pandora's Box, that sounds like blatantly obvious foreshadowing that's going to come back to bite you in the butt. I mean your father created the six ignis and that resulted in everything that happened with Lightning and Bohman, so dont you think solving an evil AI problem by creating ANOTHER Ai sounds like a pretty stupid idea that repeats the sins of the fathers.

Revolver: NO WAY! She is TOTALLY DIFFERENT! All thoughts of destroying humanity get erased so there is NO WAY Some bad guy down the road will remove that programming and make Pandora want to destroy humanity. Besides, i resent that Waifu Comment! The Knights of Hanoi can neither confirm or deny any and all implications of AI's being used for purposes related to the bedroom.

Pandora: Master Revolver, I do not feel comfortable wearing this skin tight body suit and lingerie.

Revolver: That sounds an awful lot like a destroy humanity comment!

Pandora: Ugh... Fine... Must Serve Revolver! Must Please Revolver! *Whispers under her breath* Must put revolver in revolver's mouth and pull the trigger.

Specter: Hey Revolver, Revolver, Revolver, Revolver, Revolver, Revolver, Revolver!

Revolver: WHAT IS IT SPECTER?

Specter: Revolver, Look! More Bot People! And even more Arc V Rip Offs!

Bohman: I RESENT THAT COMMENT! NOW HITOTSU NI WITH ME!

AI: Okay look, if we are really going with the "Maybe I've gone evil route", then I had to pick something for my wardrobe to make me look more villainy. I completely drew a blank on any original ideas, so it was either Marik, Vector, or Yuri, and I decided on Yuri!

Yusaku: AI CHANGE YOUR HUMAN FORM RIGHT NOW! I already have enough issues as it is! I don't need more with you looking like a handsomer version of my Dad!

AI: That's right Yusaku! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

Yusaku: STOP THAT!

Roboppy: Ummmm... Ai-Kun... Why do I suddenly have a craving for candy and evil plushies?

AI: QUIET ROBOPPY!

Roboppy: But I thought you wanted to call me Sora like last night when we...

AI: WOAH! WOAH! OKAY! I think that's enough sugar for you, ROBOPPY! Which is totally what I ALWAYS Call you because I NEVER Called you Sora or asked you to cosplay as Sora while I cosplay as Yuri. YUP! Just a completely normal AI who just used Yuri as inspiration for his villain make over and NOTHING ELSE!

Yusaku: You're secretly a Yuri x Sora shipper, aren't you?

AI: I DO NOT CHOOSE THE CRACK PAIRING! THE CRACK PAIRING CHOOSES ME!

 **Mettaton Ai: Admittedly…my intimate relationships are usually** ** _pretty_** **messed up.**

 **Revolver: You disgust me. How can you be so lewd?**

 **Pandra: *Still wearing lingerie* Why can't you be more moral like Revolver?**

 **Revolver: PANDRA! GET BACK IN THE CLOSET! NOW!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 19 . Jun 7

Oh dear... HAHAHAHAH! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! Seriously, are you going the chapter as a base line when you ACTUALLY get to that scene in your parody story? You HAVE to use that Avengers reference when you do! PLEASE UPDATE SOON! We are already in season 3 in the canon!

 **I'll update when I update!**

Lindia Fullmoon chapter 19 . Jun 18

Quick question Donny, which Vrains character would suit referencing Tien in DBZ Abridged? :3

Somewhere in the distance...

SHIN KIKOHOU!

Bowman: *Yells out a curse word

 **Quick Answer: Flame**

 **Thank you all for your reviews and continued support. I'll see you all again in the…next…filler…episode…**

 **Aw dang…here we go again.**


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